Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
President Obama may be dismantling the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for the military, but on the dating battlefield scene, it’s pretty much status quo. Trying to decipher the true “single status” of a guy is like changing a flat tire in stilettos. Uncomfortable and unnecessary. I don’t recommend it and there are better ways to get the results you want.
A lot of times, single people operate on the “need to know” basis. If we aren’t exclusive, you don’t need to know the details of who else is competing for quality face time. I generally believe that most attractive and worthwhile dating candidates will have plenty of dating options. This means there will always be some sort of competition in the beginning. It kind of sucks to think about it in that way but only when you dwell on it.
Why would you worry about the others? You have to realize that either the person you are seeing will think you stand out from the rest or they won’t. No amount of sex, manipulation, game playing, or coercion is going to change that. Perhaps it makes me a lazy dater but I just don’t put effort in to finding out if a guy I just started dating is seeing someone else.
How do you handle the “seeing other people” conundrum? Do you disclose that you have a gaggle of admirers? Do you tell the person that you are running your all-stars and bench warmers?
When you are dating multiple people, what is the proper etiquette? I think we all have a different code of ethics when it comes to this, but how do you manage it with minimal drama?
If it bothered you that someone you are seeing is being vague about their dating activity, would you bring it up or let it ride? Is it really their business? If not, at what point does it become their business?
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441 comments Add your comment
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
8:34 am
This looks like a good day to do more listening than talking.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
8:42 am
Happy Monday,
Ok, today is one of those days that I need a coke and a smile.
As for the topic, I have said it here before I am not the one to do multiple dates. If I meet someone and I would like to get to know him better I will date him, but I do run a bench. I know
whatwho I want at all times so anything else is just a ploy to stay busy.Do you disclose that you have a gaggle of admirers? No, not at all because that is not important.
BTW, I have had men to ask about an outing I went on and make reference that I was with someone else…in those cases I just do not respond, because it was none of their business.
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
8:47 am
Perhaps it makes me a lazy dater but I just don’t put effort in to finding out if a guy I just started dating is seeing someone else.
No that doesn’t mean you are a “lazy date” it means you have at least one brain cell. It is highly, highly, highly unlikely that a man… a black man… in Atlanta… is not “dating” at least ONE female. If you are attracted to him it’s probable that someone else is/was too. So…
When you are dating multiple people, what is the proper etiquette?
If they ask – be honest. If they don’t – know that they will and just be honest.
Good morning all
Tazzee - Need a weekend do-over
October 26th, 2009
8:53 am
Morning Folks!!!
Never been able to date multiple people but I always believe that a guy has someone – no guy is completely single.
Because I’ve always been fairly monogamous, I don’t have to worry about telling a guy that I had a gaggle of admirers. However, if a guy were to ask about my activities when I’m not with him, it was none of his business until we reached the point when it was.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
9:09 am
@Peach/Tazzee I agree with you two totally. I have always found it interesting when a guy claims to be totally single.
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
9:16 am
@ Prof & Tazzee… While I agree that there are things that may be “none of his business”, if someone asks me a question that I feel teeters that line – before I answer I say this: “I have a policy – do not ask a question that you don’t truly want to know the answer to. Because I will tell you the truth.”
If after giving that disclaimer they still want an answer… why not?
MsM
October 26th, 2009
9:20 am
I’ve never been able to multi-date. If you’re not the one I’m really interested in its noticeable, it’s a waste of both of our time.
abc
October 26th, 2009
9:30 am
I’ll believe Obama about “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” when something actually happens in that regard. So far, it’s just talk. Strong resistance by the military can be expected — maybe the President lacks full awareness of the importance of the issue, having never been in the military.
If I were dating someone and discovered they were dating other people without having disclosed that to me, I’d stop dating them. If I wanted to date someone but I knew that they were dating someone else, I’d not pursue them, unless the circumstances were extremely compelling somehow. I don’t think very highly of multiple daters, especially as a recreational activity.
But certainly, some chick playing “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” with me would find my pursuit discontinued.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
9:30 am
GM All!
echo what the ladies have already said. i’m not one for dating multiples, nor am i going to question what you’ve been up to BEFORE we coupled up.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
9:31 am
Please correct me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that men can handle the multi dating better than women on a whole. I know women that will go out for the hell of it, but when push comes to shove they are really using the others as time passers just waiting to hang out with the guys they really like. And, the other women I know will not do the multi-date thingy myself included.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
9:33 am
@czBrat I agree with the statement listed below, but it seems like a lot of folks are concerned with the number of partners, how long did your last relationship last, why did it end, where did you all go, did you meet the family etc.
nor am i going to question what you’ve been up to BEFORE we coupled up.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
9:37 am
Professor what i mean is, if you were juggling women before me, and we now have an understanding that we are dating exclusively, i’m not going to question whether or not you’re still seeing other people. at this point, if i get that impression … i’m out. simple. but, yes, once our relationship takes that step forward we’ll get into more detail about each others past relationships.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
9:40 am
Good Morning,
Um….wow, just wow.
@WD, Peach, Prof, and Brat
So now it’s okay for “a man, a Black man in Atlanta” to be guilty of a transgression, or of not telling the truth, without proof? Really?
On topic:
I don’t ask about if she’s dating someone else until I care if she is. Conversely, if she asks me about my single “status”, I’ll tell her the truth (why lie?), and allow her to make a decision to continue.
As for “dating” multiple people, as with anything in life – as long as it’s communicated with honesty, everyone involved has options.
But ladies, please tell me you don’t honestly indict the man’s intergrity without some proof?
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
9:48 am
If I were dating someone and discovered they were dating other people without having disclosed that to me, I’d stop dating them.
@abc – so, when is she to disclose this information? Is there a time frame? On date number “what” should she spill the beans? If a woman is single and she meets “Tommy” on Friday and they go on a date Saturday, then meets you at the grocery store Sunday… whats she to do in that situation?
I just think there are too many variables in these situations…
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
9:49 am
Dan I trust my gut feelings. I’m not one to go on a mission to catch you with your hand in the cookie jar. If something is lacking in our communication to the point I’m not fully trusting you, then quite frankly you’re better off without me (and I without you).
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
9:51 am
So now it’s okay for “a man, a Black man in Atlanta” to be guilty of a transgression, or of not telling the truth, without proof? Really?
@Dan… what are you talking about??? I don’t think any of us said the brotha was lying but that if you are wise about it, you will go into it thinking that there could possibly… maybe… be someone else he is dating.
SexyCool - Cloud Status: 6.5
October 26th, 2009
9:52 am
Three Words Daily – Keep hope alive.
abc
October 26th, 2009
9:52 am
I would expect a woman to disclose that she was dating others on our first date. Actually, I’d expect that information to be made known before we ever went out — but I’d not be going out on dates with total strangers, anyway. If there was dating interest on my part, I’d take the trouble to get to know them for awhile before I’d ask them out.
‘Course, I understand that few people take that kind of approach these days. You can’t really get to know someone very well before dating if the way you found them was online.
abc
October 26th, 2009
9:52 am
…or if the way you found them was in a bar, or some other superficial way.
M. (pronouced M dot)
October 26th, 2009
9:54 am
Interesting topic WD. I think for guys, the rule is if you meet an attractive woman, there is SOME man in her life on some level. They may be just buddies, they may be about to close the deal, or they be just ending things and the door is not completly closed. I notice in Atlanta women like to be a little bit vague…I guess it adds to that mysterious factor…and also I have seen women with a roster also. I think you can handle the seeing other people issue with class and tactfully, but also you dont need to put all your business out there.I would just keep it real from the beginning. Guys dont have to act super single.Plus women kinda like a guy in demand I think. They may not admit it but who wants to go to an empty restaurant? Let that marinate….
SexyCool - Cloud Status: 6.5
October 26th, 2009
9:58 am
With me, the expectation should be that I am still seeing or at the very least having some sort of communication with other people, especially in the beginning, and I expect that you would be as well.
Much like Dan, I won’t ask until I care. I won’t ask about who you’re seeing or what you’re doing when you’re not with me until I actually give a crap.
However, I have found that my better relationships came with an openness that I didn’t have to ask because we were both forthcoming about our whereabouts and activities.
In fact, it is my preference that a person openly share with me without me having to ask.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
9:59 am
@Peach
Inherent in your disbelief (or suspicions) is that he is not telling you the truth, i.e. lying. My question is why not take him at his word, until you find out differently [is all I'm asking]?
@Brat
Salient and wise point. And by “communication” you want all information on the bruh, or just that you feel entitled too? What level of communication would you need to feel satisfied that he’s not seeing someone else?
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
10:02 am
@Dan.
Wow…just wow!
I go with logic and gut feelings it takes a while for the heart to lead and it may never lead. With that said I go with actions and communications. I had a guy once that mentioned doing all sorts of things with me and for me and he was playing this exclusive role to the end, however something did not stack up and there were some red flags. At the end of the day I just pulled back, and guess what he was not being exclusive like he said, he was still playing the bench. Most of the time, I feel that when you meet someone (I am a female and that is where I speak from) most people are involved with someone on some level. And, once things get moving they sort of let the others fall off…WD did a topic on this a few months back so this is nothing new.
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
10:04 am
@abc… are you inquiring or do you just expect her to state this during the initial phone call? And if she is honest, is it fair to totally dismiss her for dating? If you’re single and looking for a relationship, how are you to do so without getting to know someone?
I – like a few of the other ladies – do not seriously date more than one person at a time. Unfortunately, dating opportunities sometimes overlap. I personally cannot stand “dating” and I would much rather just do life with one person. But while I’m waiting on that reality, I have to do life in current one…
Plus women kinda like a guy in demand I think.
@M. – CHILE PLEASE!
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:04 am
As for “dating” multiple people, as with anything in life – as long as it’s communicated with honesty, everyone involved has options.
You Dayum Right!!
too bad my budget call for ‘one woman at a time’…Boy I am glad my mom has affordable medical insurance…Demi was looking like a broke ‘igga for a minute…peep this: they agreed to pay back four years
Tax payer’s dollars wasted!!!
a hundred dollars per doctor visit…two or three time a week and PLUS out of pocket prescription cost!!! AwwwwwIsssssssssshBisssssh!!!! I was spenting money lika fake rockstar!!
On a positive note, I mother is doing a whole lot better…there is a God AND LIFE IS GOOD!!!
MORNING ALL…SUP BLUE!!!
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:06 am
Boy I am glad my mom has affordable medical insurance…NOW!!
SexyCool - Cloud Status: 6.5
October 26th, 2009
10:08 am
Prof – “Most of the time, I feel that when you meet someone (I am a female and that is where I speak from) most people are involved with someone on some level. And, once things get moving they sort of let the others fall off…”
^^^^THAT right there^^^^ is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
10:11 am
@Dan – I don’t think I ever said there was “disbelief” because I don’t ask men if they are dating other women. I just go into it thinking they are until I am informed otherwise. As SexyCool mentioned @ 9:58, I appreciate open communication. I’ve found that you don’t have to ask much… most things come out in conversation.
most people are involved with someone on some level. right Professor, thats all we’re saying!
abc
October 26th, 2009
10:12 am
“Initial phone call”, see, that’d be associated with online dating. I tried that out and found it to be pretty much completely unappealing. Nobody feels very motivated to veracity or disclosure, because everyone is on a people shopping spree, and keeping options open is a high priority. That’s no way to meet people of dating interest, in my opinion. I’d even go so far as to say that one can expect online dating prospects to lie to them about such things as how many others they’re dating, and you can fully expect that they’re dating others if they’re part of such a service.
Once upon a time, personal ads were the venue of the spinster lonely hearts club. Nowadays, everyone has joined the club. As if there aren’t far better and more real ways to meet people!
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:12 am
@Alvin
Good isht mayne, glad all is well.
M. (pronounced M dot)
October 26th, 2009
10:12 am
@ImAPeach404
LOL…We can agree to disagree!
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:14 am
Demi – Glad to read you and know that your mom is doing better!
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
10:15 am
@ Dan communication, as it relates to this particular topic, to me would mean we’ve agreed to be exclusive. from that point forward i no longer have to question where you are, what you’re doing or who you’re with. nor should your actions give me reason to wonder about these things. if that’s the case, that would be “evidence” enough of a problem. no?
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:15 am
Plus ((some = 80%)) women kinda like a guy in demand I think.
Not really true…but dayum close to the truth.
same can be said of (most) men as well…
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
10:16 am
Good Morning All
Dating… such a touchy topic for some
I think it would be very naive to meet someone and believe that they are not dating/comunicating with someone else. (while it may happen/there are those exceptions)…
With that being said… I say let your intentions be known up front. If you’re looking to just have fun, let that person know… If you’re looking for something more serious let that person know…. You will not waste as much time playing games if you’re just upfront and honest.
I don’t see anything wrong with dating multiple people (if you choose to).. maybe you’re not ready to be in a serious relationship. Me personaly I don’t like sharing myself with multiple people. So if I choose to engage in constant communication/going out etc, you can trust that I’m doing that with solely one person. I think you can tell if a person is worth your time by the first/second date. I think we’re all at an age where we know what we will take and what we won’t, so why waste time on someone who isn’t beneficial to you….. Then you end up complaining to your girls/guys about how much time you spent with this person and they were’nt even worth it….
If the shoe was on the other foot, I would like to know if the guy I’m talking to is seeing other people at the momment…. I prolly won’t bring it up on the first date, but if he intrigues me and I want to get to know him better, I would bring it up casually in our next encounter…. then it would be my decision to stick around or not…..
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:20 am
@Peach
If you start out thinking that he is seeing someone else (regardless of his words to the contrary), all your (in)actions flow from that thought. But thanks for answering.
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
10:20 am
There’s a lot of tact and “vague” being displayed right her on this blog today. Wow…
Demi – sup Bruh. V
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:20 am
czB – I agree with your 1015p. Especially the thought that a person’s actions being evidence of a problem. I have been in a situation in the past where there was evidently and obviously something wrong in the relationship. By the time, I had proof, I was year past that relationship’s expiration date and it had started to stink.
I can now see smoke and know that there is fire without actually sticking around to be burned.
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:23 am
Dan – If a guy TELLS me that he’s not seeing someone else and his actions support that, I will believe it without question.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:25 am
@Brat
Why become “exclusive” in the first place if you still have questions (like the one’s you’ve mentioned)?
I mean, as far as communication (and the subject matter goes), wouldn’t the comfort level of a person’s honesty be established before exclusivity? Isn’t each encounter about establishing that level of trust (which includes believing that he or she is single)?
ImAPeach404
October 26th, 2009
10:25 am
“Initial phone call”, see, that’d be associated with online dating.
HUH??? I don’t see how those 3 words provoked you produced a whole response based on online dating, but… no. Obviously you’ve had a bad experience meeting women this way because that post came allllll the way from left field.
@M. cool
waves at Demi…
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:26 am
On the flip side thought…Most men do not have a problem telling a women what he is looking for and all he wants from her…
Due to increasingly lame dudes on the hunt for puddy…Standup dudes are under attack…the market can only bear so many wannabe players…the market has clash.
The time for self renewment is now.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:28 am
@Brat
Didn’t mean to answer your question with another. I’m just trying to figure out where the trust begins (in your in relationships as opposed to my own).
abc
October 26th, 2009
10:29 am
Left field, not really… I’d expect to have spent a fair amount of time conversing with them in person rather than on the phone. I’m not a phone conversation kind of person — more like, talk on the phone briefly, probably only to setup a time and place to meet for whatever and have a real conversation then. The “1st phone call” milestone is an online dating phenomenon, to me. Like blind dates with photos beforehand. Yes, I quite disliked online dating.
East Point's Own
October 26th, 2009
10:30 am
I expect that women I meet are going out/dating others until such time that we establish that she isn’t. What I find interesting is that some women folk say they are not dating others, but they act like they are meaning they cancel plans suddenly on Fri or Saturday when you are supposed to go out together, they forget about things that we have planned (when they were initaially excited about whatever the plan was), I know some folks just have bad memories but there is a point when you know the person is seeing others, but is not willing to say it.
I have no problem with a person I am seeing dating others, up until the point where we decide to be with only each other. I don’t need to know what nights you are going out with another dude, just say that you are busy if I ask about your plans and I am good.
http://hispointofview.com
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
10:30 am
This topic reminds me of one of my Favorite songs.. Feels Good Inc..
Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Love forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sinking, falling down
Love forever love is free
Let’s turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?
Look a cheater is a person who cant tell the other party they are seeing other people.. They choose to lie about it.. A cheater is a person who keeps secrets like people are stupid.. We are grown and dont owe anyone anything, so if you out here lying.. You aint Sh!t!.. And that goes for all you that think a half truth aint a lie.. If you telling half truths.. Again you aint Sh!t!.. And I meant that.. I feel like I dont owe nobody any lies.. It complicates things..
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
10:32 am
M Plus women kinda like a guy in demand I think.
Or was fuggin’ at least one chick as of last week.
Dream If you’re looking for something more serious let that person know…. You will not waste as much time playing games if you’re just upfront and honest.
A man/woman that states UP FRONT that they’d like a serious, monogamous relationship will more than likely be seen as one who is moving too fast, desperate, psycho, and in possession of stalker traits.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:32 am
@Alvin
Bruh, that’s a whole nuther set of worms altogether….(lame vs the “standup dudes”)
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:37 am
– If a guy TELLS me that he’s not seeing someone else and his actions support that, I will believe it without question.
SexyCool…Yes, a man actions rarely sway too far from his words…(I think you are the only one who will get what I am trying to say)
Blue…Life is good bruh, I am hoping to pick up a bike during the cold months. I want an ‘09 for the low, LOL.
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
10:39 am
@ Blue_Kolla
Why is that always a sore spot for men…. I think I just went through this with For Real the other day….
I’m not saying on the first date come out and scare the guy.
But after 2 or three dates if you like this guy and you feel it could go somewhere and your intentions are to be in a serious relationship. Why is it taboo to tell the guy….?
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
10:40 am
Come on most attractive women dont have dudes because cats be scared to talk to them.. I have a friend that is drop dead gorgeous and dudes be scared to approach her all the time..
I also have a friend that is not drop dead gorgeous and super stylish that never has a problem finding a date..
The difference is friend number two has game and the “Penis” mentality.. She handles dudes like dudes handle women until she meets a dude that has that balance of Corporate thuggery she likes.. That can handle her..
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:41 am
Demi – True, a MAN’s actions rarely sway too far from his words. Operative word in the statement – MAN.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
10:46 am
Why become “exclusive” in the first place if you still have questions (like the one’s you’ve mentioned)?
Ideally, we would all know exactly what we’re getting into whether we’ve known the other person for a minute or a month. I’ve not had an ideal relationship yet, so the exclusivity is a committment to focusing on getting to know each other fully without mind games. Yes, there are still questions … but we are taking a serious interest in finding the answers.
I mean, as far as communication (and the subject matter goes), wouldn’t the comfort level of a person’s honesty be established before exclusivity?
Absolutely. But sometimes things (people) change. Especially if at some point they decide they’re not quite feeling you anymore but don’t want to cut you loose. That’s where the questionable behavior (and miscommunications) may start to surface.
Isn’t each encounter about establishing that level of trust (which includes believing that he or she is single)?
As long as he/she is not sending out mixed signals as to whether or not they are into you or possibly spreading themsleves thin with others, then each encounter should indeed help establish a greater level of trust.
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:46 am
Oh…and don’t know why it irks me for dudes to be beating on their chests hollering “I’m a stand-up dude. See me. Date me. Want me. Love me.”
Because much like the overdone “I’m Miss Independent” battle cry, it is lame on a level of its own.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
10:46 am
Ok heres another jewel.. from Handsome Boy Modeling School
I’ve been thinking about those things you said
I’ve been thinking about those things we did
I’ve been thinking about those things you do
I’ve been thinking about those things you made me do too
Be my boy, be my boy
Be my boy, be my boy
I was hypnotized
By your fairy eyes
Like a tiger in the dark
You were hungry from the start
Diamonds, candy pills
One million dollar bills
You can try
But you can’t buy me, buy me
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
10:47 am
luvin DK @ 10:30
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
10:49 am
“I’m a stand-up dude. See me. Date me. Want me. Love me.”
Say it again… lol
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
10:51 am
ImAPeach404…hey, I am on slave row (looking up…I can never remember my number) E-1-5-5, just clicking away on my busted keyboard. my ‘Shift’ keeps sticking…(speaking of my keyboard people). How are things on your end?
Dan…I know I know.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
10:51 am
@Brat
Thank you for the elaboration.
I’ve not been in an “ideal” situation yet either; but I like to play the games cards up.
@SC
Yeah, that’s a weee bit frustrating.
But take solace in this (if you choose to: just like ladies know whose the “gt” in the group, guys know the arseholes. And like “good women”, “good men” are only speaking about the aforementioned arsehole’s when talking like that.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
10:53 am
Morning everybody!!
so most of u ladies are saying that u decide to date, i guess after a failed relationship,you date one person at a time??
Thats so hard to believe.Sounds all good but in practice, i dont see that happening.
Most pple will date a guy or lady,if they find them interesting enough and if they decide to pursue multiple dates with one girl/guy,that suggests something is developing.Thats when most will decide to bench others and pursue a relationship exclusively,if the situation warrants it.Otherwise multiple dates with different guys/girls are the order for most pple.
Look at it this way,a chic goes on a date satrday,and by sunday morning,she has already decided that the guy is not worth it and calls him to end any further discussion.That afternoon,she meets a guy at the mall and gives him her number coz she dropped the other guy already or if thats not the case,she stills talking to the guy from saturday so she declines to give this other guy her number on sunday coz she hasnt cut off ties with the satruday guy yet.PLEEEEEEEASE,thats looks like lies to me.
Its not even practical………
Ladies,please tell the truth.
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:53 am
Um…yeah…translation, please.
M. (pronounced M dot)
October 26th, 2009
10:54 am
@Blue_Kolla
I agree. They may not admit it but they want someone in demand. Notice I did not say a womanizer but its good knowing that you are with someone that other people want. Who wants someone that nobody wants?
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
10:54 am
Yeah, Melo – what you said.
abc
October 26th, 2009
10:54 am
“I’m a stand-up dude. See me. Date me. Want me. Love me.”
Ha! That’s a crackup.
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
10:59 am
Demi – 09 for the low?! Mayne, GTFOH. You ain’t the thievin’ kind, so the only way that’s gon’ happen is if you’re Tomlin’s boy and you tell him that Ben’s been seen without a helmet again. LMAO
Dream So you can honestly tell me that if, at the end of date #3, dude says, “You know Dream, it’s date #3, and I’m ready for it to be you and me, ride or die,” that you’d be good with that?
Personally, I’d like a little bit slower progression, and a little bit more knowledge of you before I lock in. And I think chicks are the same way. If a dude comes to you with his “I want to be with you and only you” mantra, you’re going to think that he’s way too possessive and probably a crazy stalker.
Another question for the ladies, how many of you want a dude to lock in, so that you’ll feel comfortable having dreams about him and eventually giving up the azz?
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
10:59 am
Melo i’ve never claimed to be like ‘most’. even if i’m in the minority, i entertain one interest at a time.
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
11:00 am
At one point, I would have been the first person to say that I want someone in demand. I have since gotten over that.
I will not knock that theory in that everybody like shiny sht. I’ve just learned that the shiniest sht ain’t always the best sht.
Now, I want someone who I want in the way that they want me – anybody else be damned.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:01 am
Who wants someone that nobody wants?
the extremely insecure who don’t even want to THINK about competition.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
11:04 am
czBrat??
hw often do u meet a guy that exchanges numbers with u??
hw often do u drop or dicontinue talking to a guy u meet and proly had a date with??
So to continue on those 2 above qstions,what ur date turnover like as far as dates that dont pan out that u have to dismiss??
Ur situ wld be very unique and interesting…..
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
11:05 am
If we aren’t exclusive, you don’t need to know the details of who else is competing for quality face time
Cosign…just not that importing, IMO. When initial dates, greets hookups, get-togethers are in tow it’s not important to reveal ANYTHING at that stage, frankly it’s not my business…neither yours. It’s only the beginning of possibilites. All I’m looking for or expecting is head and shoulders. As long as people aren’t married nor exclusive, competition IS everywhere and everyone not exclusively attached to a SO. If and as we progress, you shoul be tying all loose. I’m not, neither are you accountable to me for anything that happens, happened, popped off….prior to making it exclusive. I’m only concerned about what happens post exclusitivity. ANYTHING happening with whomever (ex, baby mamas, baby daddys, first loves, etc) after the decision to go exclusive becomes deal breaker….as you knew better at that point. No if ands or buts.
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
11:06 am
Alright ya’ll…it’s Monday….I meant not that “important”
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
11:07 am
Operative word in the statement – MAN.
MzCool…did you just hit ‘da sista gurl head rock followed by a long teethsuck’…while typing that?
that is a turn on!!!
Ans “Standup Dudes”…are led by actions not words. Chest beaters are lames in disguise. Words be lika cool breeze on a hot day, while their actions reek of filth and decay….yeah, that ‘igga is full of ish
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 26th, 2009
11:08 am
Morning All!
SCool – “If a guy TELLS me that he’s not seeing someone else and his actions support that, I will believe it without question”….I co-sign this one a hunnet percent! And I am still a lil upset about missing that concert
Demi – glad mom is doing better! Hey Chocolate Baby!
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
11:08 am
Ok….just excuse my typos…as long as you get the gist of where I was going with that
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
11:09 am
Melo….
It’s funny how some group all women in the same category…
I’m sorry but for some things I don’t operate with the norm…
I don’t go around giving every guy with a nice smile my number…If I meet Melo on Saturday.. he quirks my interest and our exchange was nice…. On sunday I’m not giving Blue-Kolla my nuber b/c he flashed a perfect set of pearly whites… It just don’t work like that in my world. I don’t have it in my to be a serial dater….. That stuff complicates things… I’ve learned that I can’t/don;t want to handle choosing between two people.. while some may geta rush out of it… I get a headache
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
11:12 am
…is if you’re Tomlin’s boy and you tell him that Ben’s been seen without a helmet again. LMAO
‘BUMP U’ BLUE K!!!!! LOL hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaaaa!!!
Too funny!!!
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:13 am
hw often do u meet a guy that exchanges numbers with u?? not even once per year.
hw often do u drop or dicontinue talking to a guy u meet and proly had a date with?? in the last 8 years – twice after the first date.
So to continue on those 2 above qstions,what ur date turnover like as far as dates that dont pan out that u have to dismiss?? see above.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:15 am
LOL @ Ms. Main!
Alvin
October 26th, 2009
11:15 am
czBrat…are you from NY?
Mo…hey you!! And thanks!! I am on my way to LaFitness…Melo, you should come too, I heard the morning classes have nice ‘things’ there, LOL.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
11:17 am
he quirks my interest and our exchange was nice…. On sunday I’m not giving Blue-Kolla my nuber b/c he flashed a perfect set of pearly whites
thats a really safe and conservative way to date altho i see how its easy to make mistakes with that modus op,unless ur standards are really high and hard to meet 4 a guy.
A sure way to get got!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 26th, 2009
11:17 am
SCool – Mail call
abc
October 26th, 2009
11:18 am
Who wants someone that nobody wants?
It’s a paradox but still a truism that nobody wants you until somebody wants you. Ask the guy who’s been looking for a job for a year, or who women won’t give a second look. Nothing is more attractive than something or someone that someone else wants. It proves desirability.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:20 am
Alvin, if that’s your way of asking me if I’m not approachable the answer to both is “yes”.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:21 am
so true abc!!
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
11:21 am
Main As long as people aren’t married nor exclusive, competition IS everywhere and everyone not exclusively attached to a SO. If and as we progress, you shoul be tying all loose. I’m not, neither are you accountable to me for anything that happens, happened, popped off….prior to making it exclusive. I’m only concerned about what happens post exclusitivity.
Problem is that when you decide to be exclusive, dude’s still been man about town, and dealing with some other broads that ain’t been all, “it ain’t his business ’cause we ain’t exclusive”. So you throw out the proposal, but dude ain’t signing up. Now he’s a cheater.
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
11:24 am
“…that nobody wants you until somebody wants you.” That’s a crock. I understand the sentence, but you worded it wrong. Can’t say NOBODY wants a person until someone else wants them. Better to say your “worth” has increased in that particular’s eyes when someone else shows interest.
Anotha Brotha
October 26th, 2009
11:24 am
LoL folks make life so hard. This one’s easy-
Me during initial encounter: “Are you actively dating anyone?”
Her: “Yes”/ “Ummm”/”NOT REALLY”
Me: “Ok. Nice talking to you.” ..And walk away. No more attention, won’t be asking for the number etc lol.
Lots of attention h0ish people out there. Should be avoided at all costs.
“It is highly, highly, highly unlikely that a man… a black man… in Atlanta… is not “dating” at least ONE female”.
This sounds like a deflection for why one does not have a quality mate, “ie, there are no single brothas in Atlanta/U.S./The World”. There are plenty of quality, completely single quality men- They probably just don’t approach YOU! And that is a woman’s job to decipher why her options are limited to scandalous men
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October 26th, 2009
11:25 am
abc – You do speak the truth. People have a tendency to just fall out of the woodwork as soon as you get “boo’d up.”
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
11:26 am
Melo
Not extremely high or hard to meet….
But given my experience.. While it was hell to go through I think I wised up after it….
While it may seem conservative… It’s my style and I like it…. Every guy is not going to be the guy for me… so I’m not going to imitate “lil Wayne” and try to get with every guy that shows me attention….
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
11:29 am
Another Brotha Dayum bruh, and I thought I was vicious. Nice post though.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
11:31 am
I see where Dream is coming from in her post and I maybe reading her wrong, but for me and the phone number thingy it works like this:
If I am dating someone I do not hand out my number. If I am out and about and I meet someone on Saturday and we vibe I will give out my number and if I meet someone on Sunday and we vibe I will give out my number, because chances are one if not both are going to call and say something stupid and I will not be on the phone with him again.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
11:32 am
Guys – Just throw the Obligatory “Im dating” line out there it covers everything.. Women use it for the dude that they just slept with after lunch, the dude that just bought em lunch, the dude thats gonna buy dinner and the dude that cuts their grass and fixes things around their house. Oh and also the dude that they know from college that can always get it when he’s in town..
Come on with the jokes..
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
11:33 am
Blue – Problem is that when you decide to be exclusive, dude’s still been man about town, and dealing with some other broads that ain’t been all, “it ain’t his business ’cause we ain’t exclusive”. So you throw out the proposal, but dude ain’t signing up. Now he’s a cheater.
I’d say not really a problem because for me, progression does not mean we met today and next week we’re exclusive. There will be ample time for him to do the needful….if he wants an exclusive relationship. Sorry but we ain’t swapping azz while progessing. We swapping azz once exclusive. If he’s been a man about town during our “progression” phase and sort of never got around to wrapping loose ends, then yeah, you’re right he’s a liar and more than likely we ain’t going exclusive. You can only take a person by their word and if the actions don’t match, it’s definitely not gonna happen.
CZBrat – girl it’s Monday
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
11:34 am
Professor …chances are one if not both are going to call and say something stupid and I will not be on the phone with him again.
Come on babe, you’ve got the wrong attitude off the rip, not to mention most people would welcome the choice, as it increases ones chances for success.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
11:35 am
Off topic:
Have anymone tried minx, and if so did you like it and what are your thoughts?
On topic:
I am not saying other folks are not busy, but I work
hard for the moneyso even if I wanted to juggle dates etc I do not have the time to hang on the phone, text and get all pretty for a bunch of dudes that is not happening here with my schedule. PeriodczBrat
October 26th, 2009
11:36 am
chances are one if not both are going to call and say something stupid and I will not be on the phone with him again. LMAO!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
11:36 am
Heres another DK joint – Women can smell that other womans scent on you.. Her juices so to speak.. Just like dudes can see her new pearl necklace shes wearing..
Anotha Brotha
October 26th, 2009
11:38 am
Good point abc. I’m observing that many people gauge others based on “perceived value”. I think this is true because people do not have real sources of power themselves, thus they can only discern other’s power based on someone else’s opinion. It’s a follower’s mentality. This is why you’ll see women sweating some guy after other women have chosen him (with a marriage, or just her attention). You’ll also see lots of men fall into this trap too by buying STUFF to increase their stature in hopes of being chosen. It’s goofy.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
October 26th, 2009
11:39 am
BK,
You call it the wrong attitude, I know the past is the best predictor of the future.
So I know my standards, what I want, and you mean to tell me that both guys are coming 100% fantasy vs. reality. Yea right! Reality is one will probably get in the phone and eventually I will see that we are not a match. Numbers increase possibilities that is why I will give my number out if the vibe is good, but I know reality.
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
11:39 am
Sorry but we ain’t swapping azz while progessing
lol… I luv it!!!
@ DK
smh @ ur 11:42