Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
President Obama may be dismantling the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for the military, but on the dating battlefield scene, it’s pretty much status quo. Trying to decipher the true “single status” of a guy is like changing a flat tire in stilettos. Uncomfortable and unnecessary. I don’t recommend it and there are better ways to get the results you want.
A lot of times, single people operate on the “need to know” basis. If we aren’t exclusive, you don’t need to know the details of who else is competing for quality face time. I generally believe that most attractive and worthwhile dating candidates will have plenty of dating options. This means there will always be some sort of competition in the beginning. It kind of sucks to think about it in that way but only when you dwell on it.
Why would you worry about the others? You have to realize that either the person you are seeing will think you stand out from the rest or they won’t. No amount of sex, manipulation, game playing, or coercion is going to change that. Perhaps it makes me a lazy dater but I just don’t put effort in to finding out if a guy I just started dating is seeing someone else.
How do you handle the “seeing other people” conundrum? Do you disclose that you have a gaggle of admirers? Do you tell the person that you are running your all-stars and bench warmers?
When you are dating multiple people, what is the proper etiquette? I think we all have a different code of ethics when it comes to this, but how do you manage it with minimal drama?
If it bothered you that someone you are seeing is being vague about their dating activity, would you bring it up or let it ride? Is it really their business? If not, at what point does it become their business?
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441 comments Add your comment
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
2:50 pm
married once, twice, or ten times … i always appreciate people sharing from their own learning experience. i take from it what i need (if anything) and leave the rest alone.
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
2:51 pm
I have said often, I don’t knock TP’s success. It works for his targeted audience. Whereas I MAY fit into the demographic, I purposely decline to support the majority of his projects.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
2:51 pm
TAzzee – you better play the cool step parent role and use your reasoning skills.. A step parent shouldnt leave that responsibility on you if their child isnt cool.. I know my son wouldnt be a big deal cause all you gotta say is Im gonna call your father
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
2:51 pm
It is freezing in these offices. What’s wrong with these fairer skinned folk and never getting cold???
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
2:51 pm
Love TP! Can’t stand his shows and I support his movies. DK – all his movies have one bad guy and another guy that saves the day. If anything, they show that the only way a woman can survive a trife dude is when Prince Charming comes along.
The only beef I have with his movies is his portrayal that successful women are witches (see Daddy’s Little Girls, The Family that Preys and Madea Goes to Jail).
But I have the utmost respect for the man and will support the movies (that I can stomach, almost lost my lunch in Meet The Browns). The television shows, I figure there’s enough folks out there keeping the TV shows on. Too much bad acting for me.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
2:54 pm
I like a black trying to do something….heck anything
Ms Main…so u a fan of the black vixxen lady…the one who slept with jay z,jah rule,every rapper,every r &b singer,the one in the raunchy videos etc etc etc wrote a book, etc etc……………………….
SHE BLACK
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
2:55 pm
DK – gotcha, again no children still within whipping-a age range for me. Shoot, I don’t let ANYONE leave their child with me if I don’t have full authority to get in that tail if they act up. Especially if they’re in my house. And if my stepchild is living with me, I’m sure there would be plenty of times when his dad won’t be around. Ain’t none of that ‘wait till your father gets home’ – if anything I’d throw the child in the car and take them over their bio-mom’s house and let the father pick up the child on his way home…
But then again, I wouldn’t marry a man that had that rule.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
2:56 pm
Ms MAin – That dude contridicts himself on sooo many levels its pathetic.. He comes across to me as the dude hating on you to your girlfriend because he secretly likes her and cant stand to see you with him.. He acts like her friend with hopes she will run to him one day..
Poppa Grande
October 26th, 2009
2:57 pm
Furthermore, I know that Tyler gives back to the community. Once he gave his time. However, He cannot right now, but still gives money. Spelman, Morehouse, CAU really show patronize his shows because he gives quite a bit to them.
I have no idea what Bob Johnson spent his money on other than the Charlotte Bobcats. (Which is trying to sell for a profit & the NBA won’t let him because he hasn’t owned the team long enough to sell them) So, I can’t really compare them.
My point is that there are so few black actors and directors out there why do they have to tear each other down?
On another note, I saw Black Dynamite over the weekend(which was written by Michael Jai White, who also played Black Dynamite). It was pretty funny if you remembered any blaxploitation films of the 70s) If you didn’t see any of those Fred Williamson type 70s movies, you’d think that Black Dynamite was just offensive.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
2:58 pm
I changed my mind:
I luv all the black strippers handling their daaaaamn bizniss,pay8ing their daamn mortgage/rent and riding in deir daaamn cars!
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
2:58 pm
oh no! not foolywang LOL
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
3:00 pm
@Leggs 2:51 They’re built for it.
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
3:00 pm
DK I know my son wouldnt be a big deal cause all you gotta say is Im gonna call your father
Mayne, me and you had this same discussion probably ’bout 5 years ago. The best advice that I can give any man is to take your seed with you. Who better to raise a man’s seed other than that man. Ladies, do every man, his son and yourself a favor and send his azz to his pop’s. ‘Cause in the end, ANY kid under my roof is gon’ tow the line or get tor’ out the frame. I ain’t got time to call no fathers. When I say move out, Eggbert better snap to.
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
3:01 pm
This is my thing with TP, there are women out there that are JUST like Madea – shoot I’ve met some. Never met anyone like Mr. Brown though…
If we got beef with him putting that onscreen then we must also have beef with these news outlets that interview the many ignoramuses out there – at least in TP’s stuff money is going back into the community.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
3:02 pm
TAzzee- thats why I aint getting married no time soon.. I would just assume to keep that drama to a minimum.. I’ll wait till he gets older so he can understand whats going on around him and can tell if he’s being mistreated.. Also old enough where he can govern himself according to what dad has laid down for him..
Melo
October 26th, 2009
3:02 pm
Poppa,thats kinda funny thinking tho..
its like excusing the most notorious drug dealer coz he supports his community and parents and hosts a community dinner every xmas and finances some community kids education.
what of all the pple who have died of the drug viloence and what it does to the younger kids who drop out of school to pursue same,let alone the puffers of drugs??
BET and Tyler perry movies are doing damage to pple brains,esp those who know no beter.
I rest my case.
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
3:03 pm
CZBrat…I think there are always take aways from any situation where we’ve emerged but he’s just so dang “matter of fact” like “ladies listen up”….ummmm, did he not know this on wife #1, side chick, another side chick, wife #2, girlfriend, sidechick…ding ding ding finally wife #3? You’re headed into your senior years, nooow you wanna bump ya gums. I wonder if he could revert back about 25 years and be ripe in the game if he would divulge such secrets….hmmm
DK – sounds like a big ole girl sometimes…lol
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
3:04 pm
Melo, I believe I said I’m a fan of any black man (I forgot the word “man) doing something constructive and that I’ll patronize anything on the up and up. Black vixens don’t make the list.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
3:04 pm
House of Payne…just grows on you…after a while.
Blue/MzSxyCool…MBaisden, Amen for those trips to Jamaica…I can’t go any more though.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
3:06 pm
I’m not a fan of TP scripts (other than the family that preys) they all pretty much follow the same formula.
As for support, you kinda have to. Dude puts money back into his cities (NO and the A), is a boon for local economies, and the people that work for him (actors, grips, AD’s, etc.)
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
3:07 pm
Leggs – told you before chica…GET A HEATER!!! I have this thing blowing 5 days a week.
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
3:07 pm
Disciplining someones else’s kidz… that’s always a sensitive subject…
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
3:07 pm
Blue – And aint nothing changed.. Like I said them years ago.. A dude put his hands on my son he better be ready to deal with me.. Aint no dude gone break him to his ways of thinking, he aint a horse..
Poppa Grande
October 26th, 2009
3:07 pm
Melo…
A crab mentality is trying to pull someone down to you instead of trying to get up to their level.
Tyler has sold enough plays, shows, and movies to open his own movie studio. Spike was in the game nearly 20 years more and does have that kind of success. He has to beg for funding for his movies. Then, he gets into spats with other regularly…he and Clint Eastwood got into it a couple of years ago about Clint’s World War II movies that didn’t depict blacks in it. Clint’s response to Spike was “Shut your face!” Guess what, Spike did.
It just seems like sour grapes to me.
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
3:09 pm
Melo – to compare TP’s movies to the destruction the drug dealers do to the community is just plain ludricrous.
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
3:09 pm
Ms. Main
Me too… Right under my desk!!
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
3:11 pm
@Ms. Main, let me play devil’s advocate. You support any black man getting his craft honed and making money. Black vixens not on the list.
Do you support R.Kelly in all his glory and indiscretions. Just curious on the many positions people have on R.Kelly. He’s a black man getting his “paper.” Or should he continue to be villified like Michael Jackson, only to love and accept him after he’s gone??
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
3:11 pm
TP is a sellout that’s only getting hype because he’s gettin’ paid – ’cause most nikkas ain’t taught a thing a home that doesn’t start with “as long as you get paid”. What I can’t stand is, that there are a million real-life Big Mama Madeas out here, that he could’ve cast in that role. I have no respect for a man in women’s clothes.
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
3:12 pm
Melo – furthermore, TV in itself can do damage to ppl’s brains. Especially some this ‘reality’ stuff, talk shows, etc.
Speaking of folks hating – I truly don’t understand the anger over Good Hair. Saw it this weekend and I don’t know why some women are mad. If it’s the truth, it’s the truth. Dern shame, but it’s the truth. Ice T’s comment that ended the movie had me rolling!
GA Girl
October 26th, 2009
3:13 pm
Single women in Atlanta are so desperate to have someone in their lives, they don’t care if the guy (or girl- remember we’re in Atlanta!) has a significant other or not.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
3:15 pm
Ice T’s comment that ended the movie had me rolling!
likewise, Tazzee. along with Nia’s “ummm. I have a pool.” LOL
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2009
3:15 pm
highly impressed with the discussion, especially the top of the day! It is always good to see this kind of thing from different perspectives, that is why I so love the dialogue on here! Priceless
Melo
October 26th, 2009
3:16 pm
The swiss folks use to do that in south africa,making Tiki movies that used to stereotype the black kaffir as ignorant and tree climbing untill black nationalists spooke out..they wont do that in most of africa anmore.
Tyler Perry has been pretty “successful” bafooning blacks and milking the ish outta igno black folk…
The swiss laugh at that cacoonery for sho.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
3:18 pm
Ladies, do every man, his son and yourself a favor and send his azz to his pop’s.
Naw, d’ain’t gon’ wok…them ladies benee’n them child’s support payments…to help fund them and their new man, LOL
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
3:18 pm
I have my heater on, but with all the empty offices and no body heat around me, it’s colder than usual…
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
3:18 pm
You know what damages peoples’ minds most of all?
Other people.
Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue
October 26th, 2009
3:18 pm
czBrat – yeah, that one cracked me up too. My friend and I went to the first showing at Parkway Pointe on Saturday. It was about 50 women in there and it was like a bunch of girlfriends chilling watching the movie together.
Especially when they showed the preview for the movie Takers. OMG!!!! I can’t go see that movie with my fiance’ – that’s a girls night out movie right there.
MsM
October 26th, 2009
3:18 pm
‘Cause in the end, ANY kid under my roof is gon’ tow the line or get tor’ out the frame. I ain’t got time to call no fathers. When I say move out, Eggbert better snap to.
Blue… tears in my eyes, LOL and AMEN!
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
3:19 pm
Leggs….I’ll support any black man or person for that matter getting their craft honed when it’s something constructive and can be aired worldwide for the benefit of someone…anyone. Nothing more nothing less.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
3:20 pm
Melo – furthermore, TV in itself can do damage to ppl’s brains. Especially some this ‘reality’ stuff, talk shows, etc.
u damn right…my Queen used to watch that Atlanta house wives with my kids.I put a stop to it.She says its PG, i say so what?? These are impressionable kids and they see what they see and think its golden.
U cant let tv rule who are or how u raise ur kids.
In my house now, Atlanta houssewives,BET and other ghetto shows are is “R” rated.
By ME..
My kids wont watch that buggashyyt!!
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
3:21 pm
@Demi, that was below the belt and only ghetto arse, morally corrupt women fall in such a category!
For Real
October 26th, 2009
3:22 pm
If the kid is in my house and i am taking care of them then I’m whooping their ass and whosen-ever ass that got something to say.
Spike pulled a punk move! Let that man make money. TP has given more jobs to black actor than Spike ever has. My only problem with TP is that the bad guy is always dark skinnedendd.. I don’t think people know the definition of “sellout” anymore. Blue how TP a sellout?
I’m standing up for all the Vixens in the world. Yall have a friend in For Real. Zippppppppppppppppppppp!
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
3:23 pm
lol @ Demi: funny but true sometimes
Tazzee: I really enjoyed that movie.. don’t understand the negative up roar either *shrugs*
For Real
October 26th, 2009
3:24 pm
You know what damages peoples’ minds most of all? – Their mouth!!!
Angie aka Beautiful
October 26th, 2009
3:24 pm
if i were dating, i would date one brutha at a time. we can’t get away with dating multiples and not hear about it. yea, it’s not fair but thats just how it goes.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
3:25 pm
Spike was in the game nearly 20 years more and does (not) have that kind of success. He has to beg for funding for his movies.
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
3:25 pm
Yep, I’ve seen it too…Dream_n
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
3:25 pm
@Dream/Tazz
It [the uproar about CR's movie] is kinda related to the Spike/TP kerfuffle.
You know the whole “airing dirty laundry” and all. Not so much what’s being said but the depiction.
For Real
October 26th, 2009
3:26 pm
Enter your comments here
Poppa Grande
October 26th, 2009
3:27 pm
Melo…
Drug dealing is illegal. Movie making isn’t. So, that analogy is a reach at best.
Next, there are messages in the movies. Cicely Tyson or some other black acting long timer gives them. For those looking for the message, it is there. For those that just want to escape reality for a couple of hours, they can enjoy, too.
Furthermore, there is a market for his movies. Its obvious. If he stops, guess what will happen? Someone else will come along and fill that void. Capitalism won’t let that not happen. Reason, because money making isn’t illegal.
If there was no market, then I guess there would never have been any movies. He gained his following by doing the plays with Madea and the Browns. So, his followers knew the characters before they were on the screen. Many of his movies are just adaptations of the plays. I know plenty of people who went to the Meet the Browns and Madea goes to Jail plays years ago when they were at the Fox. Some stayed at my house while they drove from places like Thomasville, Tifton, and Fort Valley. So they actually made plans to come to the ATL to see this stuff.
To assume that everyone that watches that is “doesn’t know any better” is a reach at best as well.
Next, are you asserting that there is a causal connection between characters on a screen and kids dropping out of school? You need to show some proof. I mean did James Gandolfini acting like mob boss (Tony Soprano) causes Italian kids (that didn’t already think about it) in New Jersey to become mob bosses? Or did Tony Montana make cubans (that didn’t already think about it) to be drug dealers? Why is it that black americans have to be so weak minded that people those who didn’t already have bad things in mind were controlled by some fiction on a screen? It is damn insulting really.
If that is all that you have and you rest your case, Yu