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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

President Obama may be dismantling the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for the military, but on the dating battlefield scene, it’s pretty much status quo. Trying to decipher the true “single status” of a guy is like changing a flat tire in stilettos.  Uncomfortable and unnecessary.  I don’t recommend it and there are better ways to get the results you want.

A lot of times, single people operate on the “need to know” basis.  If we aren’t exclusive, you don’t need to know the details of who else is competing for quality face time.  I generally believe that most attractive and worthwhile dating candidates will have plenty of dating options. This means there will always be some sort of competition in the beginning.  It kind of sucks to think about it in that way but only when you dwell on it.

Why would you worry about the others? You have to realize that either the person you are seeing will think you stand out from the rest or they won’t.  No amount of sex, manipulation, game playing, or coercion is going to change that. Perhaps it makes me a lazy dater but I just don’t put effort in to finding out if a guy I just started dating is seeing someone else.

How do you handle the “seeing other people” conundrum? Do you disclose that you have a gaggle of admirers? Do you tell the person that you are running your all-stars and bench warmers?

When you are dating multiple people, what is the proper etiquette? I think we all have a different code of ethics when it comes to this, but how do you manage it with minimal drama?

If it bothered you that someone you are seeing is being vague about their dating activity, would you bring it up or let it ride? Is it really their business? If not, at what point does it become their business?

441 comments Add your comment

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:08 pm

To hell in a handbasket…k, done

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:08 pm

I think that letter was too nasty to read on the air. A while back there was a letter about a lady that was engaged to or married to her brother because her father had a lot of children that did not know each other or something.

Demi

October 26th, 2009
2:08 pm

wrong, nasty, nasty, wrong, wrong, wrong, nasty, wrong, sick, nasty

LOl, it’s not that serious…some grown folks get down like that, I can’t knock them…not my style, LOL

czBrat

October 26th, 2009
2:09 pm

Ey, and if dude likes the thought of remaining lead-free, then he bet’not tell pops.

then again, if mum-in-law gets her b-day wish, pops might make son-in-law the guest of honor. ugh!! i’m done with this one :(

Dream_n

October 26th, 2009
2:09 pm

Blue_Kolla

I’m with you on your 2:05…

and even if it was for entertainment purposes… How sick are you to incorporate your mother into that nasty fantasy…

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:09 pm

You can’t knock’ em but I can….nasty nasty nasty. Momma and daughter? Yeah, I’m knocking ‘em

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:09 pm

Dream

I see your LOL I bet we are thinking the same nut.

Leggs

October 26th, 2009
2:10 pm

@Ms. Main ~ I wouldn’t go far and say Mom and daughter have been discussing doing hubby, but they’ve have done and discussed this type of behavior. Daughter was comfortable enough with mom to bring it up probably knowing that it’s her hubby may make her say no. Other than that, Mom was game! What are they going to do for Thanksgiving Dinner?

Demi

October 26th, 2009
2:10 pm

I am like…just do you.

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:12 pm

Ms. Main I agree that is why I popped in a CD when I heard it was her mother I did not want that mess in my car or head, because it took a demon :evil: to send that letter.

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:12 pm

Okay, I just read the letter…I think a hoax. Somebody responded and said they felt he may have done the MIL but not both…that I can see…and still nasty

czBrat

October 26th, 2009
2:13 pm

Professor did you hear the letter about the dude that got his mum-in-law preggers? YIKES! k. now i’m REALLY done.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...

October 26th, 2009
2:13 pm

I think I just threw up in mouth a little bit.

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:13 pm

Leggs, Correction

What Who are they going to do for Thanksgiving

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:13 pm

Professor….LOLOLOL at —–> that is why I popped in a CD when I heard it was her mother I did not want that mess in my car or head, because it took a demon to send that letter.

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:14 pm

@czBrat yes…too nasty.

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:14 pm

Leggs – she was probably taught by moms

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:15 pm

Steve Harvey is a hater.. He is really full off himself.. I just cant listen cause his big head is in the way…

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:15 pm

@Ms. Main I was trying to find a WOW cd, but I had to settle for some Diane Reeves. I could not take that mess! Can you say Satan?

Professor--

October 26th, 2009
2:17 pm

@DK you know Good Morning America have Steve on giving advice as well. For the most part I am tired of those too big country azz suits.

Melo

October 26th, 2009
2:19 pm

czBrat..operative wrd is “IF”

Melo

October 26th, 2009
2:20 pm

Leggs – she was probably taught by moms :lol:

Melo

October 26th, 2009
2:21 pm

I doubt that story is real tho…..

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...

October 26th, 2009
2:21 pm

Yeah…I had typed this whole post about being a former fan of the Strawberry Letter segment and decided to stop listening to it because it was too much negativity in my life…especially first thing in the morning.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:22 pm

Ive been telling cats forever about those country a$$ suits.. I dont get it.. I buy timeless pieces.. Not something that Im gonna have to throw out next year.. I dont buy disposable suits…

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:22 pm

Prof – Sorry forgot your name infront of last comment

Dream_n

October 26th, 2009
2:24 pm

My mom and dad used to listen to those letters faithfully when he was coming on in the morning on WGCI in chicago….

Steve H… never really got into him..

Demi

October 26th, 2009
2:25 pm

Ain’t no two broads working the same scene without being at least a little lesbian; so what does that mean, moms and daughter are licking each other?

You mean those, “Momma Turned Me Out!!”, video are fake!!!!

I don’t think my video man shall remain lead free after tonite!! LOL

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:26 pm

I use to listen but frankly the entire show grates on my nerves. I’ll pop in every now and then..that’s about the extent of it. Can’t ever stay long though.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...

October 26th, 2009
2:27 pm

Prof – I saw the segment on GMA where he was trying to give advice to blending families. It was a trainwwreck.

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:29 pm

Another thing…I didn’t take too much stock in the book either…some things I digested but heck, you’re on your dang 3rd wife. Noooow you wanna tell the secrets and get serious and look out for women. Took 3 wives and how many women to reach that point? Just my thoughts on that though…

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:30 pm

Ms. Main – I can listen to 107.5 after he goes off cause I like the music.. But dude just talks about everybody and everything likes he’s the authority on everything..

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:30 pm

Ms. Main – How can he tell you anything about a relationship and hes been married three times.. And his latest wife is a wh0re/golddigger..

Blue_Kolla

October 26th, 2009
2:31 pm

DK – Steve Harvey ain’t nothing but another Michael Baysden , making they way catering to broken-hearted women by dogging out brothers. And then when they get the following, slowly conditioning their minds for acceptance of any and every thing hoish and abominable.

You women better wake up before you find yourselves with your drawz in your hand and 2 dckis in ya mouth at one of Mike’s swinger’s meet-ups.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...

October 26th, 2009
2:34 pm

I didn’t mind the book so much. There are some who need to hear some of the things that he had to say and I appreciated it for that. As for me, most of it I had heard in the past. So, I just considered it part refresher, part entertaining read, part interesting points presented and an overall decent relationship book as far as that genre goes.

Also, at the Terri Vaughn event that I went to a couple of weeks back, even Terri points out that there are some inconsistencies in things Steve says in the book.

I just don’t think the book should be used as a relationship bible, but appreciate some of its points.

SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...

October 26th, 2009
2:35 pm

BK – Yeah. MBaisden kinda weirds me out with all that Hedonism talk.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:36 pm

Heres DK’s advice for blended families.

1. Keep your hands of that other dudes/womans child unless he/she aint present in the childs life.
2. Remember you are a step parent and that never supercedes a Parent
3. Dont say nothing about that childs Moma no matter what new hubby told you.
4. If it all possible try to be cool with the other parties/step parent.
5. Stay out of the fray between the parents.. Unless you are a cooler head and you kinda get along with the other parent.
6. Really know your role gibroni..

czBrat

October 26th, 2009
2:38 pm

i station surf in search of good ol’ r&b. ALL the commentaries generally grate on my nerves. like Professor said, just pop in a CD when it gets to be too much.

Leggs

October 26th, 2009
2:39 pm

@)Profess ~ thanks for the correction.

Also, the other lady who was about to marry her brother was a heartbreaker. She had her fiance meet her father at a park or family bbq only to find out they’re brother and sister. She fainted.

Melo

October 26th, 2009
2:40 pm

Ms. Main ^5 on 2.29

Hw about the Spike Lee’s bafoonery and cacoonery comment on Tyler Perry movies??

I think Spike is right tho,even tho Tyler justifies his movies by saying hes making money and pple like them.
To me,Tyle Perry is no different to Bob Johnson and BET,making money perpetuating on screen, and stereotyping the vice and ville in the black community.The more u show it,the more it becomes “popular”(for lack of a better wrd) within some sections of the black comunity.
I wish Tyler had some sense of diversity in the potrayal of his characters and the story lines.

I have watched one show, i cant watch another of his shows.

Leggs

October 26th, 2009
2:41 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you Professor. I was driving Friday evening and “Better Days” came on and I started singing and singing and rocking and for the life of me I couldn’t remember who sang it…Thanks, Diane Reeves. Loves, loves, loves that song and I believe every word!

Tazzee - Patience is a Virtue

October 26th, 2009
2:41 pm

Infamous – re: #1, what if the child is in your house, you’re the only adult present (bio-parent is gone) and the child needs to be disciplined?

That rule is one reason why I can’t date men with kids still in the whipping-a age bracket.

Leggs

October 26th, 2009
2:43 pm

@SCool ~ I saw that segment and the only sane thing he said to one of the blended families is “none of my kids are called ’stepchillin’” That’s about the smartest thing he said that morning.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2009
2:44 pm

Here we go.. Just last week.. We loved Tyler now we gonna tear him down..

I dont like his movies.. Never have.. I get sick of the throw dudes under the bus theme he has goin except daddy’s girls.. However I like the House of Payne.. I tried not to watch it and then caught myself watching it one day and found it interesting.. The topics deal with everything, it aint all kicks n giggles.

Poppa Grande

October 26th, 2009
2:44 pm

Melo…

Personally, I feel that Spike was totally out of line…

Do I like Tyler Perry’s movies? No.

However, why talk down another black person’s success.

By doing so, Spike is perpetuating another black stereotype…..the crab mentality.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:45 pm

DK…he can’t. I think it’s a copout to have women all in a tizzy over your cheat sheets when it took you repeatedly doing/getting it wrong first. Heck, let me take a peep after your scored 100 the first time around. I mean I can fumble through something over and over and finally get it right.

Dream_n

October 26th, 2009
2:46 pm

Tyler Perry…

Don’t too much care for him either.. The show is an absolute trainwreck. The movies aren’t that bad.. and the plays are foolywang at its best…. JMO

Leggs

October 26th, 2009
2:48 pm

I’m not going to tear him down because I like him and his movies. However, the tv sitcoms are corny, and the father on House of Payne needs a dentist. Can’t standing looking at his mouf so I can’t watch that show.

Ms. Main

October 26th, 2009
2:49 pm

I do like Tyler Perry though and his movies. I like a black trying to do something….heck anything. I’ll patronize if it’s on the up and up.

Melo

October 26th, 2009
2:49 pm

Poppa?

However, why talk down another black person’s success.

I dont know what the “crab mentality” is but i think Spike is commenting on the perpetuation of black stereotypes in Tyler movies..i dont think he is denigrating his success….