Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
President Obama may be dismantling the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for the military, but on the dating battlefield scene, it’s pretty much status quo. Trying to decipher the true “single status” of a guy is like changing a flat tire in stilettos. Uncomfortable and unnecessary. I don’t recommend it and there are better ways to get the results you want.
A lot of times, single people operate on the “need to know” basis. If we aren’t exclusive, you don’t need to know the details of who else is competing for quality face time. I generally believe that most attractive and worthwhile dating candidates will have plenty of dating options. This means there will always be some sort of competition in the beginning. It kind of sucks to think about it in that way but only when you dwell on it.
Why would you worry about the others? You have to realize that either the person you are seeing will think you stand out from the rest or they won’t. No amount of sex, manipulation, game playing, or coercion is going to change that. Perhaps it makes me a lazy dater but I just don’t put effort in to finding out if a guy I just started dating is seeing someone else.
How do you handle the “seeing other people” conundrum? Do you disclose that you have a gaggle of admirers? Do you tell the person that you are running your all-stars and bench warmers?
When you are dating multiple people, what is the proper etiquette? I think we all have a different code of ethics when it comes to this, but how do you manage it with minimal drama?
If it bothered you that someone you are seeing is being vague about their dating activity, would you bring it up or let it ride? Is it really their business? If not, at what point does it become their business?
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441 comments Add your comment
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
1:09 pm
or it could be you’re a playa and lisa is about to find out the hard way. i’m just sayin …..
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
1:11 pm
It’s not often that I am going to offer a dude my number. IF I did and he declined based on the fact that he is already seeing someone, then, that’s no cause for my ego to be bruised. It just is what it is.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:15 pm
I get a text over this past weekend. “You missed your chance.” My response, “Thank God.”
LOL..SC, rarely loss for words huh?
Hey Legg…you’re dating?!?
…Do da stanky legg(x3)
Legg is now beating a demi to the white meat…with crab leggs
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 26th, 2009
1:16 pm
To Whom IT May Concern – I Lisa aint my girl.. Then Tina is ok to be got at.. Now If Lisa and I have made this thang official as a referees whistle, then I would tell Tina it was nice to meet her and that I have a GF.. If Im happy im good but if Im not.. Then the track shoes get put on and i get back to runnin..
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
1:16 pm
czBrat
LOL
@ ur 1:09….
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:18 pm
If a chic has to offer a dude her number,either these scenarios are apparent:
a) she a cougar..cougars are brazen like that.
b) she real horny and possibly cob web infested for a long time
c) she a gold digger on the hunt
d) she a pro and simply scouting for potential players
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
1:21 pm
Anotha Brotha
How could we have forgotten the list …. lol
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
1:24 pm
ummm.. btw where’s IWLD today???
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:24 pm
DK…Tina and Lisa…….former lesbians you had in your stable?
their names seem to pop up a lot in your scenarios…
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
1:26 pm
Another Brother – Man that list is like a skeleton key, it works every time. LOL
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:26 pm
former lesbians you had in your stable?
Demi??
that lesbo duo wld be a nice addition to any guy team
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
1:27 pm
LOL @ Demi
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:27 pm
@Demi – no, my lil kumquat!
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
1:31 pm
Okay, AB – You listed all the things she SHOULDN’T. Now tell us which qualities the prototype SHOULD have?
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:32 pm
@Dream_n ~ “Blue_Kolla I understand the logic.. and maybe I’m by myself…. but I would consider you a gentleman if you politely declined because you were dating someone else…. but my ego would be a little bruised” Not I, I’d be smiling inwardly as well as outwardly as he declined. No need for my ego to be bruised. Just a step toward letting me witness a real man handling his business!
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
1:33 pm
@Melo (1:18)
That’s an incomplete list: 5) she could be just that confident.
@Brat
I’m taking it for the reasons DK stated earlier.
Tazzee - Need a weekend do-over
October 26th, 2009
1:34 pm
If I’m vibing with a guy, I’m not giving out my number to anyone else. The only time I’ve talked to numerous guys is when none of them reached vibing status. That was last year around this time – 3 guys, all were long distance.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:35 pm
that lesbo duo wld be a nice addition to any guy team
Melo…not always. They are a blessing far as adding more ladies to your stable…hell if one catch feelings…but that do get you into most club for free…most of those big manly looking bouncers tend to be gay…sad
SexyCool - Mint Condition Countdown - 5days...
October 26th, 2009
1:35 pm
Taz – why are you re-doing the weekend? Other than the loss yesterday.
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:38 pm
@Melo, if you think that lesbo combo would be a nice additional to any man’s team, read this morning’s Strawberry Letter on The Steve Harvey morning show!!!
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:39 pm
Dan,u right….but if a chic is faster to that punch,that means bro was tentative at best.
Shes skilled still,and maybe over-qualified for dude.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:39 pm
That was last year around this time – 3 guys, ‘all were long distance’.
I am now attempting to read between the lines…
Hey Tazzy!!
Tazzy is now drop kicking Demi outta her Bentley coupe
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:40 pm
Leggs,i will altho i dismiss Harvey.
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
1:43 pm
@Melo
That ain’t how I see it.
“faster to the punch”- it ain’t sport to me anymore.
Regardless of my status, a woman that approaches me about dating is sexy as he!!z. And if I didn’t know anything else about her, I’m keeping the number.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:45 pm
Legg…LOL
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:46 pm
wow,leggs..thats funny!
mother in law??
google ndebele tribe if u want..yeah,they span south africa and zimbabwe.If u have heard of Tshaka zulu..zulu and ndebele are like cousins.Zulus are descendents of Tshaka zulu,and ndebeles are discendents of Mzilikazi,son of Tshaka Zulu who took his pple across the limpopo river to zimbabwe to form the ndebele nation.
U hit a ndebele girl,u can hit mother in law too.They can be loose like that.
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:48 pm
About two months ago my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her my biggest fanasty was to have a threesome. It took some persuading and she finally gave in. Lets just say the best birthday present I have had in along time until the lights came on. Too my surprise laying next to my wife was her mother. Now I got to admit I have always thought my mother-in-law was fine ass hell. But now Im feeling kind of guilty when Im around my father-in-law. Just the other day she told me she wanted the same thing for her birthday. Help!!! How do I get out this situation and do I tell my father-in-law?
That is a bless man!!! LOL
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:49 pm
a woman that approaches me about dating is sexy as he!!z.
she sexxy as he!!z to me too,as far as jus hitting!
U see,she jus didnt become sexxy as he!! on seeing me..naw,she like that evrtime to evry guy she sees and feels she can approach.
She aint gon spin me like that..only to the extend that i want to be spun.
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:49 pm
I believe it was her biological mother. Her daughter wanted to give her husband a treat.
Sorry, Melo, but reading your post made my eyes cross-eyed!
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:49 pm
That is a bless man!!!
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:50 pm
Shut up Demi, that is a tormented man! However, there’s something wrong with the daughter for not letting him know it would be her own MOTHER!!!
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:51 pm
her biological mother
his mother in law?? right Leggs??
a bless all the same!
Dan -fighting the homecoming hangover
October 26th, 2009
1:52 pm
But wait,
On the one hand she’s overmatching the “other” dude’s, and in the other, you worried about her being loose.
Come on, Son!
That don’t even add up
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:53 pm
Legg…that story was a scam…see the last line…Just the other day she told me she wanted the same thing for her birthday
She now want to sleep with her dad or his dad one…too crazy!!
Demi
October 26th, 2009
1:55 pm
Melo…Amen, LOL!!!!
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
1:55 pm
That is a bless man!!! is it natural for some men to be so foolish, or do yous do it because you think it’s amusing?
Leggs
October 26th, 2009
1:55 pm
BTW, something is gravely warped about the mother to even agree to do something like that.
Melo
October 26th, 2009
1:57 pm
On the one hand she’s overmatching the “other” dude’s
right Dan…a guy who got it must be able to see when a chic is giving u a “come on” vibe.A lame dude wont.Ordinarily,chics lose out all the time to dudes like that who cant read the signs.They simply move on.
If she has to throw the punch,then she fits the scenarios i pointed out above.
Tazzee - Need a weekend do-over
October 26th, 2009
1:58 pm
Demi – Hey Man! umm, yeah I think I shall drop kick you shortly,
SCool – Falcons loss, FF loss and Saint win. Maybe I just need a Sunday do-over, LOL. Oh and I peeped that earlier advance on the cloud scale
Professor--
October 26th, 2009
2:00 pm
As for that Steve Harvey letter I had to turn the station on that, so I never heard the advice that was given to the dude.
I just found that mess to be so Nasty & Trashy. I know to each its own, but how in the hell and why in the hell you would want your mama in the bed with you as y’all freak your husband? How can they eat at the same table again?
Melo
October 26th, 2009
2:00 pm
do yous do it because you think it’s amusing?
czBrat??
we dont think its real! That was a radio show=entertainment
I i were to request that freak show, i wld have to nominate the qualified candidate,like her phine sister/cousin/niece etc
Professor--
October 26th, 2009
2:01 pm
I know who wrote that letter to Steve Harvey. She has appeared on the blog as well…just a recent as Friday! If not it was probably her crazy cousin.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
2:02 pm
yeah, i know Melo. i heard the show. but you’re follow-up comment just poses my question again!
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
2:04 pm
wrong, nasty, nasty, wrong, wrong, wrong, nasty, wrong, sick, nasty
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
2:05 pm
LMAO @ Ms. Main
Melo
October 26th, 2009
2:05 pm
CzBrat??
which one..on the ndebele pple or the
that is bless??
which one…??
Blue_Kolla
October 26th, 2009
2:05 pm
That letter just goes to show why this world is about to be blowed the uckf up! Ain’t no two broads working the same scene without being at least a little lesbian; so what does that mean, moms and daughter are licking each other?
‘Ey, and if dude likes the thought of remaining lead-free, then he bet’not tell pops.
czBrat
October 26th, 2009
2:07 pm
I i were to request that freak show, i wld have to nominate the qualified candidate,like her phine sister/cousin/niece etc
Ms. Main
October 26th, 2009
2:07 pm
Obviously the mom and daughter had been discussing. How in the heck can you and your mom discussing doing your husband. Is nothing sacred anymore. They should be stoned for that….seriously.
Dream_n
October 26th, 2009
2:07 pm
Professor–
LOL…