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Tattoos, Cigarettes, & Shoes

I recently had dinner with a group of friends when the topic of dating came up.  One of the men mentioned how he was finding it hard to meet lady-like women.  I challenged him on this because I know plenty of lady-like women who are sophisticated and classy.  How is it that he manages to not to meet them in Atlanta?

He tells me that a lot of women have an image of sophistication but when you get a closer look, they have tattoos and they smoke, which apparently isn’t lady-like behavior at all.  I’m sure we all have our preferences in dating, but do you think judging a person by their tattoos and smoking habits is fair?

I think it goes deeper then judging a book by its cover.  One of the women at the table said that she actually checks out a man’s shoes. When I asked her what a person’s shoes says about them, she said that it lets you know how much they care about appearance. Now, what does that have to do with character? She never truly correlated the two, in my opinion.

I have said it before, but we have ridiculous reasons for ruling out a potential mate. Are tattoos, smoking, and shoes legitimate reasons to pass on someone? What is the most superficial, ridiculous reason you dumped someone? Have you changed your ways since then? Do you still rule people out because of something somewhat trivial?

569 comments Add your comment

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
8:48 am

GM ATLANTA,

No tattoos, definitely no smoking for me. In June one of my friends tried to introduce me to a guy and he had two gold teeth and I was immediately turned off. I do not like a thuggish looking guy.

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
8:58 am

Morning all,

Everyone’s entitled to their preferences, I guess. There does come a point where you can become too picky. However, if it works for you….

I have a small discreet tattoo, I’ve heard men dismiss women who have them. But as far as I can tell, it hasn’t happened to me. Unless you see me in a bikini, you wouldn’t even know I have it.

Smokers are unattractive and it’s different because there are health implications to it. I’m not a smoker by any means, but I have walked in to a cigar bar, ordered up a cigar, had some bourbon and played poker with the guys there. They seem to think it’s the hottest thing in the world. :lol:

Cassie

October 23rd, 2009
8:59 am

Botox! Totally a deal-breaker. I remember going on a date with a guy once (a doctor, no less) and being unable to concentrate on what he was saying because I was so utterly focused on his frozen, unmoving face. It seemed like he had especially gotten a lot around the nose, that area was like a frozen island in the middle of his face.

If some guy is so shallow about his appearance that’s he’s spending big money on cosmetic surgery procedures for himself, what is he going to think about me? I have laugh lines and I’m not getting rid of them. I am what I am! :-)

i'm swiss

October 23rd, 2009
9:01 am

Honestly, I don’t think any reason is a ridiculous reason to pass on someone as a potential mate — if there is something about a person that bothers you that much, then clearly that person is not for you. No matter how silly the reason may seem.

In the cited example, I have to agree with your guy friend, Wise — tattoos generally one of 3 kinds of trashy: slutty trashy, biker-chic trashy or i’m-trying-to-be-a-bad-a$$-and/or-thug trashy. Sometimes all 3 at once. Whatever the case, not lady-like. And smoking is just plain disgusting. No desire to make out with an ash tray, thank you very much.

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:03 am

The most superficial reason… hmm… I wasn’t feeling the fraternity he was in. I met the guy and something was real “off” about him. I put those feelings aside and gave him my number. Upon our first convo, my initial instict was correct. Then he mentioned the frat he was in and the :idea: came on. Not to judge a whole group of men, but the ones I had interacted with in the past came across just as lame too. :lol:

Anywhoo, we didn’t move forward and the reason was that he was lame overall, but him being associated with that particular frat didn’t help either. :lol:

Just being honest. *shrugs* :lol:

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:10 am

Hey ARed!

I hope that all is well on your end I was getting ready to issue a MIA bulletin on you…lol

@IWLD no gold teeth for me. I don’t like the gothic or that skinny tight look at all…I like a man that knows what looks good on him and go from there. Everything is not for everybody.

I don’t do cigarettes nor would I date a guy who smokes them, however I do smoke fine cigars occasionally and my humidor host a nice collection. The guys I dated never had a problem with this matter. For the record I don’t like guys in dirty or cheap shoes, tacky dressers, K-Mart suits, dirty fingernails, nasty socks or slouchy socks, improper table manners etc.

@ Cassie…LOL at the botox!

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:11 am

So are you going to give us a hint on the frat?

czBrat

October 23rd, 2009
9:14 am

GM All!

Everyone’s entitled to their preferences, I guess. There does come a point where you can become too picky. However, if it works for you….

Ditto. And LMAO @ the fraternity dismissal!! I’ve done that too :)

My tats are not so discreet, so pre-judge me for that if you will. No love lost on my part. I’m not sure what shoes say about a person, but I’ll be the first to admit that I do love sportin’ my footwear!

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:14 am

Thanks Professor, nice to know I was missed. I’m still MIA while this project gets done tho!

And you know me, I’m not one to be coy. The guy was a Sigma. No more dating past 1911 for me. :lol:

czBrat

October 23rd, 2009
9:15 am

Professor along with the dirty fingernails i MUST add poor oral hygiene. YUK!!!!

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
9:17 am

Good Hygiene is a must. I was interested in a guy but you could smell his pits miles away. Another guy that was interested in me sat by me and he smelled like he had skipped his bath that morning. I have heard some guys say that don’t have to shower as much as a female, but somethings when you are trying to attract someone you do like bathe.

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:19 am

I have heard some guys say that don’t have to shower as much as a female

What?! :???: I’ve never heard a guy claim that. And since they tend to be more physical and sweat more, they need to shower MORE!

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:19 am

Lol ARed, I don’t date them either. :wink: Now watch one lurking come on here and snap on us for saying that we don’t date them.

Good luck on your project!

@czBrat…I wear a lot of different shoes from my Uggs to flip flops to my stilletos. So I guess I say a lot.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:22 am

Good hygiene is essential to me. I mentioned earlier this week that for me that includes going to the dentist having your teeth clean, changing your sheets, not having cups on your nightstand that are growing fungi and mold. IMO there is a certain amount on cleanliness that must occur.

My mother taught me that Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Lady J

October 23rd, 2009
9:24 am

Happy Friday!!!!! Ready for this Fall Football Weekend!!! Go Falcons!!!!:)

Not shallow engough to rule out certain things but with those things comes actions that could make or break a mate…IMO

Enjoy your day as I count down to walk out the building!!!!:)

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:24 am

:lol: @ Professor. Thanks for the well wishes. 14 hour work days are common! I know you’re holding it down in my absence. ;)

Lady J

October 23rd, 2009
9:24 am

whew meant enough…

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
9:26 am

Some guys in their early twenties still act like a young teenager when it comes to these things. Smelly feet, bad breath, hair not combed. This is what I have encountered on the dating world.

Nonya

October 23rd, 2009
9:29 am

I don’t know why (and I REALLY want to get past this hang-up) but I am totally turned off by men with long hair…’fro, locks, braids, twists, ponytails, styled, etc. I’ve met some interesting people, probably would have made great companions, and I can’t get past the hair. What is wrong with me???

czBrat

October 23rd, 2009
9:30 am

i would have to say that dismissing someone because of their mouth is probably as shallow as i’ll admit. i wouldn’t seriously consider getting involved with someone with a jacked up grill becuase i CANNOT see myself kissing that mouth!

can’t wait for DK to get here so he can tell us how he dismisses women in flip-flops.

ARed u not gonna call out the frat? LOL

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
9:31 am

One guy even tried to kiss me with bad breath. I looked at him and was like is that your breath smelling like that. Yuck!!!

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:32 am

czBrat – I did.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:33 am

20 things that will make Professor run :evil:
1. Bad teeth
2. Bad breath
3. Cut cheese
4. Know it all
5. Dirty fingernails
6. Dirty ears
7. Spitty lips
8. Lack a haircut
9. Mustache and beard has grown wild
10. Missing tooth
11. Cheapskate
12. Does not smell fresh
13. Dandruff
14. Pimples everywhere and proactive is just $19.99
15. Dirty home
16. Dirty dishes smelling in the sink
17. Nasty air force ones
18. Cheap Shoes
19. Does not know how to coordinate
20. Over coordinate (purple pants, purple shirt, purple belt, purple shoes and suspenders) real life outfit

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
9:34 am

@Nonya – Nothing – I totally agree with you. A clean fade is the preference for me.

SexyCool - Cruising

October 23rd, 2009
9:34 am

Three Words Daily – Let haters hate.

czBrat

October 23rd, 2009
9:35 am

Nonya i understand. i didn’t care for Eric Benet at all when he had long hair (locks, dreads???), but now that he’s gone short i just think he’s so handsome. it’s just what attracts you or turns you off. i don’t look twice at a man with long hair. i’m sure men who like the ‘traditional’ light-skinned latinas don’t look twice at me :)

SexyCool - Cruising

October 23rd, 2009
9:38 am

The way someone dressed and shoes that were 6months past DOR (Date of Retire) have been factors in a decision to stop seeing a person in the past.

Am I shallow? Yes, I can be.
No smokers.
No fire breathing dragons.
No funny tasting kisses.
Must practice head to toe hygiene.
Must not have claws for toenails.

And my shallow ass list could go on and on. I’m a horrible person. Sue me.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:40 am

Now, I don’t care for men with hair, but I will say I like Maxwell better with hair.

SexyCool - Cruising

October 23rd, 2009
9:40 am

Co-signing on Prof’s list. (She was able to include all things that I was talking about.) Hollering at #7. Spitty Lips.

Will also add the opposite to that – dry, cracked cakey lips.
And just for good measure – discolored lips and weed black lips.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:42 am

SCool you are cruising for real and I am cracking up on the discolored lips and the dry, cracked cakey lips!!!

LMAO…big time on that one!

david

October 23rd, 2009
9:44 am

Women who have the following don’t cut the mustard for me;
1)tattoos
2)dirty unkept rooms/home/car
3)smoke/drink
4)dress too casual
5)noisy undisiplined kids
6)swears
I have dated these types in the past,let’s just say I’m glad they are over.

abc

October 23rd, 2009
9:46 am

Tattoos, smoking, and poor personal hygiene and dress are certainly things that can break the deal. These are things that reveal character. If you can’t clean and dress yourself appropriately, you can’t take care of yourself, and that’s a character issue.

Cosmetic surgery shows a poor self image and excessive vanity — with boob jobs topping the list. Who needs the drama of a self-absorbed head case?

SexyCool - Cruising

October 23rd, 2009
9:47 am

And Prof – Just cause I’m in a super silly mood this morning…

Let’s add – Makes less than $___k.
~Now I’m really laughing.~

AmazonRed™

October 23rd, 2009
9:49 am

Professor – I like Maxwell now with the short cut. I’m more into clean cut men tho.

And be nice this morning. ;)

abc

October 23rd, 2009
9:50 am

The image of a guy dressed completely in purple, with suspenders, is kinda crackin me up!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 23rd, 2009
9:52 am

I am so glad its Friday!!!

Hey ARed – LMAO @ you for calling out the Sigmas, however I must co-sign. Ive only met a couple but I got that same impression

Professor/SCool – I agree with that list as well, but I would add argumentative as well (which I guess could fall under ‘know it all’). I cant stand a person that will argue about any-dayum-thing!

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
9:54 am

I notice even the eyebrows if they are wild an unruly it just irrates me. Also guys with chest hair sticking out of their shirt. I had a doctor that somehow managed to have his showing with a gold necklace around his neck. He was a handsome doctor but that was just so old school and tacky to me. I was living near Decatur at the time so that may explain it.

Hopeless Romantic

October 23rd, 2009
9:56 am

Professor…I like your list. Attention to the exterior package is important for many reasons. One, attention to detail in appearance is an indication of how much the person respects him/herself, and others, particuarly when it comes to personal hygiene. Also, the exteroro is a good indication, and more than likely a reflection of what’s going on the inside which is really the driver of whether or not I move forward or not.

I’m not suggesting that I run when someone is having a bad hair day. But when I leave my home, I look in the mirror to make sure that I am givng my best self….which also shows that I respect myself.

I’m not a fan of cigarette smoking…but I don’t really know many people who smoke. It’s not a deal breaker though because to me it doesn’t reflect character…it’s an addiction yes, but my mom smoked for decades and I respect her.

Tats…..I am secretly fasinated by them….although I don’t have any. People ALWAYS have a story about why they got one (or more). Their stories give me insights into who they are.

Have a great weekend

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
9:57 am

SCool,

60K is a MUST! Anything less will have you eating at Shoney’s

ARed you know I am nice everyday. I am a sweetpea :evil:

Dream_n

October 23rd, 2009
9:58 am

Happy Friday!

I’m with the long hair thing…
I don’t like a guy with long hair..(although when I was in my teens, I couldn’t get enough of them)
Dirty fingernails
Dirty Shoes
Tattos everywhere (1 or 2 is acceptable to me.. not on the face or anything like that)
Bad teeth (The Dentist is your Friend)
Potty mouths
Wears Pink… somthing about that
Nappy hair
Smediun shirts
Under arm pit stains..
Long toe nails… cut those things
Ashy legs, elbows,knees
Fat neck.. the one with the rolls
:)

Ms. Main

October 23rd, 2009
10:00 am

One of the women at the table said that she actually checks out a man’s shoes. When I asked her what a person’s shoes says about them, she said that it lets you know how much they care about appearance. Now, what does that have to do with character?

Well, that’s one of but not all that I notice. It’s not a determining factor as to character or no but it’s an eye catcher. Funny too, when I’m walking in the building you can spot cheap….cheap (runover) shoes, cheap shirt, cheap pants. Being that this is corporate, the no jacket thing kills me. No t-shirt under their dress shirt. Dress shirt looks like you pulled from the dryer. You can spot quality just as well. Quality slacks (laying flat in the front…no bulging), hitting the shoes just right, suit jacket hanging just right…even to the sleeves hitting the wrists. Clean shaven and a clean cut. Dress shirt laundered…AND a jacket. Yeah, I agree that character runs slightly deeper than that though.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
10:00 am

#21 on the list

…a booger nose, not like in a cold/flu, but always that one dried out booger that is sitting in the same spot sort of yellowish-green

Poppa Grande

October 23rd, 2009
10:00 am

I think that I’ve mentioned this before…..

I stopped dating a female because her nose was too big. It wasn’t proportional to her face. I felt bad about about it, but it seems that I couldn’t stop staring at it when we were together. She had a pug nose.

The rest of the body was banging, though. She looked liked Mrs. Parker from Friday. On top of that she was really sweet and helpful. It was just too much like the Seinfeld episode that dealt with George’s distraction of a female’s nose.

Professor

20. Over coordinate (purple pants, purple shirt, purple belt, purple shoes and suspenders) real life outfit

Southern black preachers hearts are breaking all over town. :grin:

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
10:02 am

Dream

Fat neck.. the one with the rolls

Not the hotdog neck…LMAO, girl you are worst than me!

Ms. Main

October 23rd, 2009
10:02 am

OH…..MAJOR NO NO…..arched brows…on men!!!!

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
10:03 am

PG

Southern black preachers hearts are breaking all over town.

LMAO…you got me rolling on that one, and you know how they do it. Add the hat with the feather on the side same color…just to seal the deal.

Professor is.....

October 23rd, 2009
10:05 am

Arched brows on men are a NO NO, and I don’t like that black hair spray to make the line up look more detailed on men either…way too much.

MR. Unknown

October 23rd, 2009
10:05 am

Morning,, Are we doing turn offs?
1. Wears tooooo much make up, better yet make up that doesn’t go together, red lip stick, the eye shadow stuff is yellow.
2. Contacts, green one day, grey the next.
3. Inside of the car is dirty a$$ hell, usally means the home is dirty
4. Indecisive is a big one, Pls just make up your mind
5. Bad feet, meaning your feet look jacked up because you insist on wearing boots to small, (also wearing sandals that are too small)
6. Women that love that freaking leopard print, on everything from house rug, bed spread, wall paper, a couple of dresses, and that leopard print cowboy hat..

IWLDLIKE2DATE

October 23rd, 2009
10:06 am

@Ms. Main – Not the arched eye brows but at least all the hairs going in one direction. (Just run your fingers across your eye brows each morning before walking out the door)

Poppa Grande

October 23rd, 2009
10:07 am

Prof…

Yes, I know.

I’ve seen a relatively famous one (to natives anyway ) wear a pink suit with a lighter pink dress shirt and even had pink Stacy Adams to go with the whole ensemble.