Great Expectations
Unrealistic expectations can set you for a big let down in dating. A lot of times, we go in to a situation seeking out a companion and heap all these desires in one person. When the person appears to let you down, we use this as an excuse not to try again.
I think men and women both have trouble with unrealistic expectations. Women expect to go on a few dates and the man will see how fabulous she is and instantly try to have a relationship. Men expect that when they take the time and money to ask a woman out, she needs to show him it’s worthwhile for him to continue to do so. Some guys think this includes sexual favors, others want the husband treatment. The things that men who are in a marriage receive, they expect to see in a dating relationship.
The thing about expectations? We rarely ever tell the person what they are. We have discussions and imply and infer them but explicitly saying them outright is simply not normal dating practice. Why is that? Is it because we know that saying them out loud will make us sound slightly wonky?
Really? You expect a man to commit because he thinks you are hot and have a education? Seriously? You expect a woman to cook and sex you up when you have issues with letting her stay at your house by herself?
What do you think are the expectations that we have in dating that set us up for letdowns?
How do we stop having them? What great expectations for dating do you have and are they realistic?
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299 comments Add your comment
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
2:23 pm
“I do however have a picasso hanging in my bedroom.” The sentiment in this sentence is not conveyed when finding out it’s a print!
czBrat
October 22nd, 2009
2:23 pm
A real Picasso? A Picasso print? Or a Picasso poster?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
2:25 pm
@ leggs – how many people you know have an original Picasso or could afford one?
My print has meaning to me and I am not ashamed to say its a print. A lot of people i know have prints it looks like the real thing.
czBrat
October 22nd, 2009
2:27 pm
ya’ll are killin me today. gotta take a break. not an IWLD-type break … just a break.
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
2:27 pm
I don’t profess to be an art connoisseur. I have bought prints and pieces that I like. In fact, the only titled piece that I have is a Moonlight Kiss print by Latrelle Dubose. I like her work because of her use of primary colors and this particular piece because it is so sensual. (It hangs in my bedroom.)
Other than that, I have bought big expressive abstract pieces and what I call cafe posterboards with the French writing on them.
Melo
October 22nd, 2009
2:27 pm
czBrat/Leggs sure does.
the lap was in the trunk,she tells me.Now dont u call that brazen?? for smebody to pick a car, break in and risk being caught,not knowing what they will find??
That tells me things are really bad out there.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
2:29 pm
To be honest with you IWL2D, I know of 2.
Nothing wrong with having a print. Heck, every picture in my house is a print. It was just the way the sentence read. Believe you me, nothing wrong with prints. I think it was the word “However” that threw me. No sweat.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
2:30 pm
Melo, that’s awful….glad she’s safe though. Folks losing their minds…gheesh
Tazzee - boycotting Uptown Comedy Corner
October 22nd, 2009
2:32 pm
Blue_Kolla – I changed my outlook when I started teaching classes on finance and discovered the varying reasons why people are in certain predicaments. Also, as I expanded my circle – I started interacting with people that were way ahead of me in certain areas. The fact that I wasn’t where they were wasn’t necessarily due to me being trife or lazy…In summary, my eyes were opened.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
2:33 pm
@IWL2D ~ I have a black and white print of “Pretty Eyes” that I got from West End Mall for $10.00 20 years ago. I love that print! Don’t look as good in color.
Blue_Kolla
October 22nd, 2009
2:39 pm
Tazzee Also, as I expanded my circle – I started interacting with people that were way ahead of me in certain areas.
And what areas were those? And where exactly were they?
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
2:42 pm
With that being said if you would like to meet me you may get your chance to. The High Musuem is having an event the Italian wine tasting tonight from 5-9 pm. I don’t really like to drink but I don’t mind tasting and browsing the musuem.
Lord Velonese (Hardy Har Har)
October 22nd, 2009
2:51 pm
Wasn’t Great Expectations a book?
Three words daily: Ms.Main spoiled Brat
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
2:53 pm
@ Lord – Yes – Great book!
Tazzee - boycotting Uptown Comedy Corner
October 22nd, 2009
2:55 pm
Melo – sorry to hear about your Queen experiencing that. I know she’s shaken up so you gotta hold her tonight (and NOT try to do the nasty).
Blue_Kolla – mostly in areas of pursuing their dreams, setting and achieving goals, starting their own businesses – stuff like that. Also, credit scores… My debt was paid and I was making plenty of bucks, but I couldn’t get a low interest rate because of my credit score. My BFF got a much better rate than me – but my score wasn’t due to me being trife, we just started out at different points.
I thought I was doing some thangs and then I met folks my age that were REALLY doing some thangs.
czBrat
October 22nd, 2009
3:02 pm
Tazzee just try not to measure yourself by others’ accomplishments. be proud of who and what you are in your own right! nothing wrong with setting higher goals and having someone above you by a rung or two to keep you motivated, just don’t discount those all those ‘thangs’ your really ARE doing!
Blue_Kolla
October 22nd, 2009
3:02 pm
@Tazzee Head Nod Cool…
Professor is.....
October 22nd, 2009
3:04 pm
…I am so late, but I will chime in anyway
@Melo I hate to hear Queen’s car was broken into…this is the last quarter of the year and it is officially the holiday robbing season. Folks be careful and alert out here.
@IWLD what is the name of your print? (Redemption time, because that sentence read like you had the real thang baby).
@ Leggs I know a couple people as well with a few small originals
So, what are we talking about? Art…love…relationships
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
3:05 pm
I don’t think Taz was using the accomplishments of others as a measuring stick. What I read was that she saw it as more of an eye-opener and a motivator.
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
3:06 pm
I know she certainly taught me some things and motivated me when I met her.
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
3:07 pm
it was a picasso print – I think the name was Man at the guitar – It was done during his dark period.
Melo
October 22nd, 2009
3:10 pm
I know she’s shaken up so you gotta hold her tonight (and NOT try to do the nasty)
shaken Tazzee?? shes called Queen of being shaken and angry when stuff like that happens.I was on a 3 way with her,insurance and the auto glass ppple.When she gets mad,she will eat a human alive.. i tell ya.
So iwas in there making the arrangements,claming her down so she dont bullshytt the pple who trying to help.I gues she mad too coz till now,Chamblee police havent shown up yet!??
I be mwa mwaa to her in bed,calming her down tonite.
What “lil johnson” does as a consequence of ma body being that close to hers,i cant guarantee.
Nonya
October 22nd, 2009
3:12 pm
“So, what are we talking about? Art…love…relationships”…seems like they’re synonymous at times.
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
3:12 pm
I know one thing all this typing has me needing a massage. Goodness my neck and back are so tense and tight. AHHHH
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 22nd, 2009
3:14 pm
Melo – sentiments to your wife.
Melo
October 22nd, 2009
3:22 pm
u pple talk of karma,right?/ i neva believed it that much,welll…. untill now.
At lernnch, i went to ABC,bought some lernch,then,as the cashier walked to sort my order, i borrowed……weeeeell, i stole 1 copy of today’s $1.00 worth of USA today newspaper they sell.
So maybe its payback Karma,$185.00 worth,in restoring the window glass smashed by the bummer’s dastardly act
Melo
October 22nd, 2009
3:22 pm
thanx Proff/IWLDLIKE2DATEmelo
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:25 pm
I get it, IWL2D, perhaps you’re an embellisher. Does this help you moving forward?
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:30 pm
That’s not Karma, Melo, that’s stealing. If the person who stole from you is some how affected, then karma plays a role.
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
3:34 pm
I don’t agree, Leggs. Melo stole something. So, someone stole something from him.
Seems like pretty strong karma to me.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:36 pm
I take Karma as something bad happening to me or to the person that wronged me. Melo willingly stole. That doesn’t feel like karma to me.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:37 pm
Lord V Three words daily: Ms.Main spoiled Brat
Man, you must have pulled that one out your butt crack and yes, I can be a sport…I laughed. I’m sorry if I read like a brat. I’ll try to sound more centered going forward.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:38 pm
LeggsI take Karma as something bad happening to me or to the person that wronged me. Melo willingly stole. That doesn’t feel like karma to me.
Leggs Karma is reaping what you sowed
I SAW PAUL MOONEY
October 22nd, 2009
3:40 pm
young jeezy may not be the most articulate brother at the podium, but the primary theme to thug motivation 101 is to stay on “YOUR” grind. Jay Z echoed this in his latest “why ya’ll worried about me?” – point is, stay focused on YOUR mission, YOUR objective, YOUR personal\professional goals. So long as you are Never Ignorant Getting Goalz Accomplished and living up to the standards that you have set for yourself – why waste time worrying about what someone else is doing or anyone else’s opinion. An individual with time to criticize another’s koolaid must not like what they’re sippin on -perhaps their cup is half empty or has runneth over…
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:42 pm
I realize that.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:43 pm
Leggs, Karma is God giving back what you did. Take stealing….thou shalt not steal…from anybody. So, payback ain’t based on a person to person basis. The wrong committed is against God, as it’s his rule. That’s why he says vengence don’t belong to me. If I’ve been wronged, I wait for God to avenge. If I get you back, I’m commiting the same faux pas. If I steal or commit adultery, it’s against God…the rule maker, the writer, the creator. It may have been taken out on you but it’s not against you..per se…it’s against the one who established not to do it. So, payback comes from him…not me. I
Willie Dynamite
October 22nd, 2009
3:44 pm
Melo – Sorry to hear about the situation with the wife. Also dont know if its Karma or not but I can say its Ironic. I guess your $1 newspaper hi-jacking is a symptom of the economy as well. That tells me things really are bad out there.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:44 pm
I don’t mean to sound so bratty….Ms. Leggs
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:46 pm
I will say though, I try not to name so and so got this because they did that. All the time something bad happens doesn’t necessarily mean you did something to get it…as it’s life. Sometimes, it a test of faith, sometimes trials, sometimes growning pains…more often than not though, you know.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:46 pm
Oh snap!!! I got it. I thought he stole the newspaper AFTER his car was broken into. He did say lunchtime. I got worried over the few brain cells I had left. I’m with you, SCool!
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
3:47 pm
ISPM,
The symbolism of a cup running over signifies that you are so blessed that you have more than enough. That you have so much that your cup cannot contain it.
The 23rd Psalm identifies ‘my cup runneth over’ as a good thing.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:49 pm
Not bratty at all, I was just wondering what did Melo sow. As many say here, reading is fundamental. However remembering what you read is even more crucial.
Angie aka Beautiful
October 22nd, 2009
3:51 pm
i expect nothing wonderful out of a date. this is the new me being realistic. if something magical happens, GREAT! but i expect to pay for my own, i expect the door to not be opened for me, i expect him to think imma put out, i expect to be asked to drive, i expect him to not reach for the tab, i expect him to not put time into his appearance, i expect him to take calls while wit me, etc.
this is the norm out there and the reason why i’m still here single. it’s not like it used to be.
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:53 pm
I didn’t actually think you’d take as bratty….I said that so I wouldn’t offend the most gracious Lord Velonese…lol
Nonya
October 22nd, 2009
3:53 pm
While I agree that we reap what we sow, Karma has nothing to do with God. It’s actually based on the Hindu and Buddhist philosophy that the quality of somebody’s current and future lives is determined by that person’s behavior in this and in previous lives.
Leggs
October 22nd, 2009
3:53 pm
Angie, have you met IWL2D. Please exchange phone numbers. Bet you two can pull each other up!
Professor is.....
October 22nd, 2009
3:53 pm
i expect him to not reach for the tab,
Well his azz will be washing dishes when I slip the waiter my share and ease out in my car especially if I am driving. The only way this will not happen would be if I invited him, of course I would pay…that is only fair
Ms. Main
October 22nd, 2009
3:54 pm
Nonya…I agree because I don’t REALLY believe in Karma. I used though to transcend the meaning of reaping, relating to what the other two ladies were discussing. Yeah, I’m with you.
SexyCool - Walking on sunshine. Dancing on air.
October 22nd, 2009
3:55 pm
Now, if you have used the analogy of “perhaps their cup is half empty or their milk has spilled.” I would have been so >>there<<. LOL!
Melo
October 22nd, 2009
3:56 pm
I almost forgot, i bumbed into Andre Benjamin today!
Bro almost looked like a street kid to me..str8 up like a janitor.I almost missed him,except for the tale tale signs.
If he keeps it simple and non showy like that,he will neva be in Evander-like situation…