We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
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307 comments Add your comment
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 21st, 2009
9:02 am
Morning Wise (and insightful) Diva, and All,
I’ve said many times here that sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics of a relationship. For once I will keep it simple…before sex enters the relationship, it is about discovery, learning about the person, basking in the attention…once sex is introduced it is often all about the sex, and the other aspects of the relationship often suffer.
I am not saying I am against sex, in fact I love it as much or more than anyone else, but I always take time after a relationship ends to think through what happened, good or bad. Once sex was introduced I almost always let the “little head” take too important a “managerial” role.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 21st, 2009
9:09 am
One little, and probably inappropriate, analogy about sex entering into a relationship. It is really easy to let the sex, especially if it is really good, become like a pinball machine or a video game for a man. Until the enthusiam wears off, he wants to play as often as possible, trying to break his old record score each time. It becomes a challenge to take it higher and higher and higher…at least for me.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
9:28 am
Three Words Daily – Be glad. Rejoice.
Hopeless Romantic
October 21st, 2009
9:29 am
I agree Randy, sex ALWAYS changes the relationship. I was in a very good friendship for a couple of years. We talked frquently, did things together. I actually thought at one point that he was gay. But then, Bam, once we had sealed the deal, I wanted it to grow deeper and he pulled back, wasn’t as available to talk or do things. I lost a good friend in the process who I still keep in touch with at arms length…because I want something different than he wants. But this experience confirmed once again, that sex does in fact change the dynamics of the relationship.
M. (pronounced M dot)
October 21st, 2009
9:29 am
Interesting topic. I think the biggest thing that changes for a guy is to the challenge aspect. I think once you get conquered by a guy, in SOME cases, the guy feels like he won and what’s next. That’s why women should not make themselves a QUEST i.e., making a guy chase you around 285 for 6 months. I am not saying just jump into it with every guy, but also there needs to be a balance. Let that marinate….Question for the Wise and the ladies, is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there? What makes you want to close the deal?
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
9:33 am
“Sex changes things.”
My exact quote to MND afterwards. So far, though, nothing has. I think though that it is because MND has made it VERY CLEAR that he is ready to settle down and get married and make babies. So, perhaps, for him, the sex was not about “I saw. I CAME. I conquered.”, but more like just the next step.
Last night, we were standing in line outside Uptown and he says to me, “You keep doing what you’re doing and you’re gonna be married to me before you know it.”
I am beginning to heart that dude. ~blushing~
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
9:39 am
Well well well,
I truly value my body, no one night stands or sex after just a few weeks or months of knowing someone. So once I seal the deal with being intimate other things have evolved as well. I know this is going to sound like a fantasy to those that are liberal with their bodies and promiscuous, but hey I just happen to be raised a certain way and that is how I roll.
I guess I will lurk a little on this topic.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
9:40 am
Good Morning
I believe SEX changes things, whether its for the bad or for the good:)
I haven’t had many experiences, but I can say for both instances I became a little vulnerable… lol.
MR. Unknown
October 21st, 2009
9:42 am
“Epiphany”, Ohhhhhhhh, She wants me to love her…… The way she would love her………… If she was me!! Kent Foreman, Classic,, Haiku,,
Good morning all.. Sex is a means to an end for us guys…
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
9:43 am
or months
Darn Professor… what they have to do wait years lmao!!
j/k.. I’m with you… I place value on SEX although some don’t and that’s totally cool with me
No one night stands, no sex within 2 weeks of meeting you. I need to know more that just your first name, plus there has to be a connection there. You have to be able to stimulate me mentally first before you can even think about the physical aspect.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
9:50 am
@M.
Wise and the ladies, is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there?
I do not have a formula that I use, but I realize for ME that I am still learning the person in that 4-12 weeks stage and that is too soon for me. I need to see a lot of things…things that are silly to some, but essential to me: hygiene not just the basic stuff, but going to the dentist and seeing your PCP, how the person relates to friends and family (does he tell everyone’s business) is he nosey, credit issues, money woes etc.
What makes you want to close the deal?
I close the deal when I know that I can deal with the person for who they are and vice versa. Also when I feel the connection as well with no red flags. Sex does not make a connection for me, but it strengthens what was already there.
Hopeless Romantic
October 21st, 2009
9:51 am
Mr. Unknown 9:42, when you write: Sex is a means to an end for us guys
what do you mean?
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
9:57 am
When I had sex with MND for the first time, it was not to seal the deal. It was because I was aroused by his kisses and his touch.
M. (pronounced M dot)
October 21st, 2009
9:59 am
@Professor is…..
Good response. I was not implying that people should just jump into it with everybody lol.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
10:00 am
is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there?
A formula.. that’s funny.
I think it differs from each person.. some people feel that connection right away with a person and they feel comfortable having sex… some have to go a little more in depth to figure out if they are even worth it. Like we were talking about yesterday… it takes a while to actually know someone.. some people send their representatives out on a couple dates with you before the actually let their guard down.. and I’ll be damned if I have sex with the representative!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:02 am
Wassup Dream,
I have high standards and I value ME. Sex is the one thing you cannot take back, so I just refuse to rush it, and so far it works for me. There have been times that I declined and in the words of R. Kelly “My minds telling me no but my body my body’s telling me yeah” (I am singing it to girl…lol) in those cases I go with my mind and tell my body to dry off and cool down. Guess what my mind was correct! I don’t need everything I see and want. Not to mention one of my names have a strong meaning and I always wanted to live up to the meaning of my name or at least come close.
I believe in morals and values and I have a strong sense of self, so for me casual sex does not work and I let that be known up front. And, the ultimate turn off to me is a grown azz man acting like he is 16 with a wet dream…bugging me about getting some or bringing it up all the time. TURN OFF
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:05 am
.. and I’ll be damned if I have sex with the representative!
RIGHT ON!!!
A Regular
October 21st, 2009
10:05 am
Wisey get out of my head! It’s been a while, this situation being, since the encounter but I found myself sort of pondering on my drive in today. We had the discussion PRIOR to sealing the deal. However we somehow disconnected. The dynamics always changes and for women not just to another level, another planet. I didn’t skip nor skit. I stated my observations. Where am I now? Where is he now? I’ve moved on with my life but not from this situation. I’m most certain he’s moved on as well. We haven’t and aren’t able to talk. Which breeds another beast. Tomorrow will be two weeks since he surprisingly called as we haven’t talk and now, I’m back to pondering. When he called, I put out the “not interested” sign.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:09 am
@M.
Thanks I know you were not implying that we jump in the sack, but I know for me I would be mad if I did the nasty and found out certain things. Example I was talking to this guy and we were around the 6-8 weeks stage and I noticed buildup on his bottom teeth. TURNOFF! Right at the baseline by his gums…I had not seen that before. Or, I was on the phone one night with this one guy and he had been eating while we were on the phone and when we were getting off the phone I wished him a goodnight and I said something about him brushing his teeth and me mentioned taking care of it in the morning. NASTY, now you have chicken and potato chips on top of morning breath. What if these dudes had got in my goodies? I would still be mad
Dern...this soon?
October 21st, 2009
10:11 am
When I had sex with MND for the first time, it was not to seal the deal
Isn’t the MND about as new as six weeks?! Derrrrrn that was quick
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
10:13 am
Your point?
Last I checked, this was and is my body. I am grown and I fck who I want to when I want to.
Any questions?
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
10:14 am
@Professor ~ your post almost made me misty eyed. Excellent post and love your position!
Dern...this soon?
October 21st, 2009
10:18 am
I am grown and I fck who I want to when I want to.
Derrrrrrn, you’re hostile
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:18 am
Leggs,
It took me a while to come to grips with who I am and what I believe in and what matters to me. I spent years hiding all of that and would just give excuses, but I am comfortable with me now. It took some time.
Thanks for the feedback, it means a lot to me.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
10:19 am
Not hostile. Matter of fact.
Ms.Main
October 21st, 2009
10:19 am
Sex always changes things. Either it gets really cloudy or propels forward.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:23 am
@ Ms. Main I agree with that 10:19
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
10:26 am
LOL @SCool, yes ma’am!
MR. Unknown
October 21st, 2009
10:26 am
@ Hopeless Romantic Just means, thats an objective of ours.. A goal in mind… Starting point would be dating getting to know the person ect… Im not staring at you imagining how you look in a wedding dress… Most guys including myself, can usally tell what the future holds for the woman that we are dating right off the bat. So we decide, if its just going to be sex or sex with kids, marriage, life time Obligation.
Ohhh an just a side note,, if a guy is begging for sex,, there is usally one of two things going on.. One: he has no other options or is just lame aZZ hell, or Two: He’s really really into you and he is trying to avoid slipping or falling in bed with the easy jumpoff, that is now calling him at 2 in the morning..
Melo
October 21st, 2009
10:28 am
A Regular..??
Jus post under ur usual blog name..it will make the discussion more interesting and fun and rewarding,esp for u…
The blog ladies will sing to u, a Kumbaya “live and learn”,im sure!
Its hard 4 the conscience to be hiding,anyway!!
Curiousity is killing me tho,i must admit
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
10:31 am
Morning All,
Pretty good topic. It will be interesting to see some of the responses.
We all know the reponses are going to be from the ‘My body is a temple’ crowd. The X factor is just what the topic is about What Now. I use to see that for the most part not many people put emphasis on the aftermath. For some Men So much energy and time is put into the chase or conquest that when it completed its done. Kind of like Salmon spawning once its over they die mission accomplished move on to the next chick. For some women its all about what to do to keep a guy from getting the puddy. In her mind once he gets the puddy then hes spose to fall head over heels for her. Not Hapn that way. Then the guy is a jerk for passing up this fabulous catch. I always enjoyed the chase so to speak but it was never the beginning or end for me. I just looked at it as part of the journey. Not a roadbloack, speed bump or destination. That has kept me from getting too high or too low over a piece. I’d rather look at the total package and take it for what its worth.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:32 am
Hey Melo,
I agree it would make the discussion more interesting if everyone posted under their usual blog name.
…that is the curiousity in me.
Ms.Main
October 21st, 2009
10:34 am
Professor…funny thing the way that happens
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
10:35 am
This Dern person is obviously a regular as well. And quite frankly, I have my guess about exactly who it is.
A Regular
October 21st, 2009
10:36 am
Melo any thoughts? Am I being shallow to not wanting to talk now?
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
10:39 am
Anybody heard from ARed? She ain’t chimed in for a few days now.
MR. Unknown
October 21st, 2009
10:39 am
lol How do you ladies react if a guy is not trying to have sex with you, but he is dating you??!? What if a guy uses your logic in regards to sex, and is all emotion about it. Is that how a guy gets labeled the “NICE GUY”?
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:40 am
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
10:41 am
I was wondering where ARed was too. I cannot remember if she mentioned any traveling, but it has been a while for her.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
10:42 am
Willie Dynamite
i like your post..
I think that’s why some of us put a little more emphasis on watever route we choose to take… the waiting route or the jump right into it route… because of the aftermath…
i’m with professor though, when i finally give myself to you.. all the other components of the relationship will be in place… ie: I know your government name, your place of residence, what you like, what you don’t like, where you work, your mom, dad, your siblings, your interests, fav movies, color, dish… We’re comfortable, your actions/words are on the same plane.. you love me… i love you… all that warm and fuzzy stuff!!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
10:44 am
GM All!
late morning for me but “awwwww” @ SexyC 9:33 how was the show? we’re going tonight.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
10:46 am
Wise: Or any other female that wants to answer. What deal are you talking about sealing? In the words of Truth, “What are you fuggin for?”
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
10:47 am
. I always enjoyed the chase so to speak but it was never the beginning or end for me. I just looked at it as part of the journey. Not a roadbloack, speed bump or destination. That has kept me from getting too high or too low over a piece. I’d rather look at the total package and take it for what its worth.
Nice stance…..liked his post too
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
10:48 am
Some people may get the wrong idea that i’m knocking them for their route.. so let me just say hell I don’t care… just try to be safe… A close person of mines had sex on the first night she met her dude and 2 yrs later, they’re still going strong… in luv.. I see wedding bells in the near future lol!! (smile)… So i don’t knock anyones choices.
Hell I waited 5 months b4 having sex with my current and was pregnant the next month lol!!! so who am I to talk!
was that too much.. oh well!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
10:48 am
A Regular..??
what u goin thru,im sure every girl goes thru same..reason is,once u do the do,u dont know for sure if the guy u think u really want to luv will take it in stride or go ghost after that.Its always the mystery that women discover after the fact,i guess.
But u wld rather talk about it,coz it frees ur mind,than willow in the excruciating angst of,”is he gonna call and be serious??, or is he not??
Too much time to waste on smebody who may not be all that serious.
Just be u and in future,just learn to protect ur heart a lil bit more untill u pretty close to knowing him a lil more.
Just be u!
Dont worry about that which u have no control..meaning..Him!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
10:52 am
perhaps an unusual position for a chick to take (no pun intended), but frankly sex is just pleasure for me. not a deeper connection (sorry, again). so the “what next” is simply, let’s keep it moving and see what happens.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
10:54 am
czB – Paul Mooney is the angriest Black man in America. He does not like white people and will say anydamnthing.
I can have somewhat tender sensibilities about some things. So, some of what he talked about was a bit on the strong side and maybe even dark for me but funny nonetheless.
With all that said, though, I still think he’s a brilliant frickin’ comedian.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
10:57 am
Sex is pleasure and connection for me depending on the person. Because it really can be just for pleasure.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
10:57 am
@WillieD ~ ‘My body is a temple’! In this day and age more and more women believe this. I talk about sex here because I’m not getting any of it. Not because it’s not offered but because I value ME and my body and don’t want to lay with just anyone. It amazes me how quickly quite a few men talk about sex. Although I admire their honesty in letting me know what they want, I admire myself even more to stay clear. If you can’t date me you sure as hell can’t phuck me!
@Unknown, that type of man is worthy of my attention.
I spoke w/ARed over the weekend and she’s fine. Didn’t ask where she was, but she’s fine!
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
10:58 am
For Real – Good question. Several days ago some answered that by saying they did it cause they liked sex (shocker). The rest gave the standard Biblical/God, Duty answer.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
10:59 am
Dream: I can give you all of that information in one minute. Why does it take you longer to get it? How does the information below protect you and your body?
Government Name:
Place of residence:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Where you work:
Your mom and dad:
Uour siblings:
Fav movies:
Fav Color:
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:01 am
czBrat: “sex is just pleasure for me. not a deeper connection” – THANK YOU!!! Some chick ack like it’s their first time after the 27th time.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:08 am
Leggs: “My body is a temple’! In this day and age more and more women believe this.” – Soooo the other 37 times what was their body then?
IF YOU PLACE THAT MUCH VALUE ON WHAT’S IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGGS THEN REST ASSURE THAT THAT’S VALUE MEN WILL PLACE ON YOU!!!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:10 am
For Real
See you’re reading me wrong yet again… and clearly didnt finish reading the rest of the post…
I am a person that wants to build more of a foundation with a person as opposed to sleeping with someone on the first night w/out knowing any of that stuff… Now you can go and phuck Lisa/CAndy and all the rest of the ganf with no emotional ties… and that’s kewl.
Me i’d rather know things about you..develop a relationship beyond sex, then add that into the mix when I feel comfortable with you. Sex for me isn’t to make a deeper connection!! I want that before the sex even happens!
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:11 am
Willie D: The funniest thing is chicks place all that value on their bodies and then turn around and discount the value of a man’s body but then expects man to respect the value they place on theirs.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:14 am
It’s funny cause the same men talking about “We don’t want used up woman” are the same ones on her condoning recreational sex!!!
Which one do you want???
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:14 am
@ForReal, I don’t know what they thought the other 37x You crazy!
I value myself, head to toe. I don’t need to show anyone my self worth by sleeping with them. If that’s what you see me for then you don’t see me. It’s that simple. And for the record, no man knows what value I place on what’s between my legs cuz I don’t discuss what’s between my legs. You got it twisted. Most days you’re smart, but not today!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
11:15 am
I like what you said Leggs and agree with it. I just read an article written by a senior CDC official debunking a strongly believed notion that AA women were becoming the largest group of newly diagnosed AIDS cases due to having relations with men who are on the “down low”…..he said it actually stems from women sleeping with heterosexual men who have multiple partners. That being said and understood, I refuse to become one of the numbers but what makes me wary and quite nervous is that some people still don’t get it and randomly “hook up” with whomever Ms. New Booty happens to be…whether she’s Ms. Right or Ms. Tonight it goes down rather haphazardly without too much consideration of any possible repercussions. It’s too scary to chance me,myself and I.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:16 am
I’ve tried it the get to know him, wait forever to indulge route. Once we finally went down that path nearly two months in, the chemistry was awkward, the foreplay was lame and the sex was over in two pumps.
I’ll pass on that.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:17 am
I can’t believe the amount of free time I have this morning.
Dream: No I understood your post yet again lol.. Soooooo, you lovdadid the dude and the dude lovdadid you everytime you had sex? And you still didn’t answer my question as why it takes you so long to find out that list of stuff.
Dream: So what’s your name?
Dude: I’m not saying until the 5th date!
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
11:17 am
Ladies I understand totally the position you take when you give the ‘Body is my Temple’ speech. You also have to understand that alot of men have heard that and see the emphasis you place on it and it becomes the bulls-eye.
Leggs – Men talk about sex because thats what we do. If you dont engage in that conversation then at that point we either keep it moving or respect your stance and adapt. Not all dudes can do that respectfully because quite frankly they either haven’t had to or because they dont care to.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:18 am
No doubt there is pleasure in sex, but the aftermath is this how much fun can you have with someone inside of you that you don’t know long-term? To me a trick/john might have fun, but is it really worth the pleasure. For me it is not. Hell I have guys that are my friends purely platonic that will enter in a female, but will keep information about him a secret. Are these ladies really having fun not having these clowns home number, knowing how many kids dude have, his place of employment or residence. They are just getting some hand-me-down dingle-ling
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:22 am
All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:23 am
For Real
lol… you are straight crazy!!!
I’m talking about jumping in the sack with someone on the 1st night…
You know what I was talking about!!!
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:23 am
OT – Never again will I schedule my annual physical for the afternoon. I am starving and can’t eat anything.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:24 am
LOL @ over in two pumps! That’s hysterical.
@Sassy, exactly!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:27 am
@WillieD, let me clarify. I have no problem talking about sex, I just don’t want to talk about it within hours of meeting.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:27 am
Leggs – It was a dern shame. I was so not laughing at the time. But I promise you, my gf’s and I pass out with laughter every time we talk about it.
I now call him HumpHumpCum.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:28 am
I don’t do the whole my body is my temple, but I will set the record straight and let the guy know I am not there yet or ready to indulge at that time. Hell any man with some common-dumbmon-sense (common sense dumb folks have) can tell by how I handle myself that I am not the slut-of-the-week.
I don’t discount anyone for their actions so if a man likes a woman that will jump in the sack with him after 20 minutes he need to holla at the ladies on the corner of Cleveland and Metropolitan. If he wants someone after 2 weeks he need to holla someone that shares the same insight, which is not ME.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:30 am
Deams: If you ain’t a virgin then you are used. Period! Now I can’t speak for all men but I do know some men that seek out “used up women”. And me personally I don’t want a virgin. But the point to my post was “where is the reciprocity in respecting a man’s body?”
Leggs: You missed my point. The inclusion of your name was just to be cute. However, you don’t have to say a word in order for someone to find out what you value. The point of my post is if you represent to a man that your body is the most important thing to you then that man will place nothing else about you above your body because you don’t. (and “you” is being used as a generalization)
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:30 am
BTW, Prof – I actually respect your position.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:31 am
Professor
High 5 to your 11:28!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:32 am
All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.
Some are like a used car heavy chevy…broke down, wore out and used up, and too many owners to name.
Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:32 am
Oh, forgot to comment on your cloud level. When I first logged in I thought that said 9.13 and said WOW, what the hell happened last night. Vision cleared and I saw 5.13.
Glad your cloud’s moving!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
11:34 am
It’s funny cause the same men talking about “We don’t want used up woman” are the same ones on her condoning recreational sex!!!
Dream_n….for some men, women are caught between a rock and a hard place. If you slang azz, you’re ho’d out. If you don’t they say you’re overemphazing and place too much value and will be left alone. Guess what girlie? I think most of us opt to do us….nevermind what some men think. If you’re emotional, you’re a mess. If you can induldge with no emotions, you’re a trick. If you want definition, you’re clingy, if you say nothing…you’re played. I think it was Page1908 that stated it precisely one day…that if it’s getting down you want and getting down with a chick at that, then you (being men) need to accept getting down comes with a once a month red bleeding, emotional, clingy, I need a difinitive, can we spoon/fork, do you love me woman. Otherwise, as she suggested, they need to find a dude. Because in reality on a man is void of all that stuff.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:34 am
SC-likewise, and I respect yours as well.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:36 am
SCool, stop it, stop it…go sit in the corner…HumpHumpCum! Classic!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:37 am
For Real
Respecting a man’s body???
I respect my body! I can’t tell another grown person about how to respect their body. I can only have domain over what’s mine, and my body is mine. If he chose to be a hoe before that was his problem… When he comes to ME he will know that it ain’t happening!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:38 am
I read an article in S2S magazine last night that stated most women cannot handle the casual thingy and it cited the researcher, but I don’t remember it because we all know S2S is not a scholarly journal.
Angie will be please to know the article on Kandi was pretty good too.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:38 am
For instance, you meet Guy #1, y’all date once a week for three months. Most phone conversation is limited to arranging for the next date – usually dinner and a movie. You are feeling this dude, but the getting to know him process is slow, measured.
Or, you meet Guy #2, y’all see each other three times a week for a month. You have long drawn out into the wee hours conversation several times a week. Y’all are at the movies, at dinner, at your house for DVD Night, at the park, at the stadium, just everywhere.
Does the frequency of contact, level of communication factor into the deal-closing decision at all? Can the time frame be altered depending on the quality of the ‘courtship?’
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
“Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.” – Remember everything is relative!
Ms. Main: I agree some men do place women in between zippppp and black cake and that’s not fair (unless you gon do it) but I agree do you and don’t worry. The thing that bothers men about women “doing you” is that sometimes “doing you” changes with every issue of Jet. Which mean you aren’t “doing you” you are doing what someone elses’ you.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
If you slang azz, you’re ho’d out. If you don’t they say you’re overemphazing and place too much value and will be left alone. Guess what girlie? I think most of us opt to do us….nevermind what some men think. If you’re emotional, you’re a mess. If you can induldge with no emotions, you’re a trick. If you want definition, you’re clingy, if you say nothing…you’re played.
Ms. Main excellent summation!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
@ForReal, then yes, I missed the point. Hell, I’ll be 51 in 2 months so no I don’t place my body as the most important thing about me. I never have. What I place as being important is the ability to date to get to know a person and not jump between the sheets too soon.
However, you don’t have to say a word in order for someone to find out what you value. I somewhat disagree. For some you can spot a mile away what a person is about. When up close and personal, some are harder to figure out than most. You’ve met me, yet you don’t know me at all.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:41 am
Ms. Main
lol… You hit it right on the head! I luv it….
So with that being said…. whatever works for you works for you…
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:42 am
@Dream_n ^5 you took the words from my keyboard on the 11:37
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:43 am
Saw the S2S cover, read the Kandi headline – Kandi tells why she will not wed AJ (or words to that effect) – um, yeah, I won’t state the obvious.
As to the casual thingy, I recently had a friend tell me that something that I told him about that very thing came true. Which was – women are emotional creatures. We are not built to handle on-going casual sex for extended periods. We will catch feelings and we will want more especially if you are a decent guy – and even when you’re not. Don’t let it be good sex…WHAT?!?!? (Lil John impersonation, here) (It’s a law that’s gotta be written somewhere.)
Even me, in my stance of saying that some sex is just for pleasure. I know that I can’t have pleasurable sex with you consistently, frequently or whatever and be so naive as to think that some sort of attachment won’t be formed.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:47 am
@SexyC, I believe it can be.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:48 am
Ms. Main, the doors to the church are now closed! Excellent post!
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:49 am
Oh…and back to my friend, seems as if he had an ‘understanding’ with a long time female friend of his about the sexual relationship that they agreed to enter into casually.
Some months later, he says that she seemed mystified that he was cool with things just the way that they were and wanted to continue is just that same lane, but she had started inviting him to holiday events, family gatherings and weddings and ish and he was declining to go.
Now her feelings are hurt and the friendship is over all because he believed her when she said that casual would work for her.
Like I said to him, please believe me when I say that when she said that to you, she believed it too.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 21st, 2009
11:50 am
Morning All!
SCool – LMAO @ HumpHumpCum!! And you asked my question in your 11:38.
I see this topic is jumpin already……
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:51 am
Frequency of contact is important. For, ME time is money and money is time, and I don’t spend a lot of time at first outside of dinner and phone conversations. DVD night at my house…nada. So that is why my views are as such…shoot most nights I am busy plotting and planning. I am quirky and reserved so it takes a minute for me to feel comfortable enough to have a man chilling at my house, meeting my friends eating off my dishes and using my toilet. I am a little weird until you get to know me and it all comes together
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:51 am
Out to lunch! I’ll be slapping the ish outta you for medicinal purpose in about a hour.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:53 am
Even me, in my stance of saying that some sex is just for pleasure. I know that I can’t have pleasurable sex with you consistently, frequently or whatever and be so naive as to think that some sort of attachment won’t be formed.
I think that goes for most women.. High 5!
On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:00 pm
CZ, Leggs, Dream_n…I think we’re evolving and learning to just do us. Yes, I’ll ALWYAS keep in mind my SO, his needs, wants,etc., but I’m won’t lose myself by gravitating to an every whim. A fair balance is probably what we all need…men inclusive but exactly what is balance is what seems to elude us when trying to define it.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
12:01 pm
On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.
I have some of those,too….one of them taught this(or tried to) to her daughter….well now she’s due to be a grandmother(at 37yrs old) in ~3 weeks, so go figure.
To me it almost seems like those type of women are trickin’ themselves out to the highest bidder. They don’t see it like that,though, and would take offense if someone suggested it…..I don’t understand that logic.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:07 pm
***To me it almost seems like those type of women are trickin’ themselves out to the highest bidder. ****
@Sassy I call it social prostitution…they don’t walk the Ave. for their customers, but they are on the hunt…same thing. I don’t judge them, but it always makes me wonder what happened to make them go that route. I have seen some dudes give these women everything and end up hurt too.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:13 pm
I have one friend who always thought and said out loud that her puddy was made of gold. She used men all the time to get her bills paid and guess they used her too cuz although we’re the same age, she’s looks like she’s been rode hard and hung out to dry.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:17 pm
although we’re the same age, she’s looks like she’s been rode hard and hung out to dry.
The flip side of handing out the goods in droves….young cute and tight don’t last forever. Too much of anything can be detrimental and speed up the aging, used, tainted process.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:17 pm
@Leggs, is she still using men, or did she learn to take care of herself? I have always wondered what happens after the beauty fades, the corns start hurting and you are just tired. How does these folks survive…I know of a few my age and they are still going. I know another one that is about 45, and when she was about 38 she found this sucker and had a baby for him and settled down with him.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
12:19 pm
Professor social prostitution is exactly what it is…what I don’t get is why/how the men they’re using don’t see it.