Morning Wise (and insightful) Diva, and All,

I’ve said many times here that sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics of a relationship. For once I will keep it simple…before sex enters the relationship, it is about discovery, learning about the person, basking in the attention…once sex is introduced it is often all about the sex, and the other aspects of the relationship often suffer.

I am not saying I am against sex, in fact I love it as much or more than anyone else, but I always take time after a relationship ends to think through what happened, good or bad. Once sex was introduced I almost always let the “little head” take too important a “managerial” role.

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Three Words Daily – Be glad. Rejoice.

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Interesting topic. I think the biggest thing that changes for a guy is to the challenge aspect. I think once you get conquered by a guy, in SOME cases, the guy feels like he won and what’s next. That’s why women should not make themselves a QUEST i.e., making a guy chase you around 285 for 6 months. I am not saying just jump into it with every guy, but also there needs to be a balance. Let that marinate….Question for the Wise and the ladies, is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there? What makes you want to close the deal?

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Well well well,

I truly value my body, no one night stands or sex after just a few weeks or months of knowing someone. So once I seal the deal with being intimate other things have evolved as well. I know this is going to sound like a fantasy to those that are liberal with their bodies and promiscuous, but hey I just happen to be raised a certain way and that is how I roll.

I guess I will lurk a little on this topic.

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“Epiphany”, Ohhhhhhhh, She wants me to love her…… The way she would love her………… If she was me!! Kent Foreman, Classic,, Haiku,,

Good morning all.. Sex is a means to an end for us guys…

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@M.

Wise and the ladies, is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there?

I do not have a formula that I use, but I realize for ME that I am still learning the person in that 4-12 weeks stage and that is too soon for me. I need to see a lot of things…things that are silly to some, but essential to me: hygiene not just the basic stuff, but going to the dentist and seeing your PCP, how the person relates to friends and family (does he tell everyone’s business) is he nosey, credit issues, money woes etc.

What makes you want to close the deal?

I close the deal when I know that I can deal with the person for who they are and vice versa. Also when I feel the connection as well with no red flags. Sex does not make a connection for me, but it strengthens what was already there.

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When I had sex with MND for the first time, it was not to seal the deal. It was because I was aroused by his kisses and his touch.

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is there a formula that they use before deciding to take it there?

A formula.. that’s funny.
I think it differs from each person.. some people feel that connection right away with a person and they feel comfortable having sex… some have to go a little more in depth to figure out if they are even worth it. Like we were talking about yesterday… it takes a while to actually know someone.. some people send their representatives out on a couple dates with you before the actually let their guard down.. and I’ll be damned if I have sex with the representative!

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.. and I’ll be damned if I have sex with the representative!

RIGHT ON!!!

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@M.

Thanks I know you were not implying that we jump in the sack, but I know for me I would be mad if I did the nasty and found out certain things. Example I was talking to this guy and we were around the 6-8 weeks stage and I noticed buildup on his bottom teeth. TURNOFF! Right at the baseline by his gums…I had not seen that before. Or, I was on the phone one night with this one guy and he had been eating while we were on the phone and when we were getting off the phone I wished him a goodnight and I said something about him brushing his teeth and me mentioned taking care of it in the morning. NASTY, now you have chicken and potato chips on top of morning breath. What if these dudes had got in my goodies? I would still be mad

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Your point?

Last I checked, this was and is my body. I am grown and I fck who I want to when I want to.

Any questions?

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I am grown and I fck who I want to when I want to.

Derrrrrrn, you’re hostile

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Not hostile. Matter of fact.

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@ Ms. Main I agree with that 10:19

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@ Hopeless Romantic Just means, thats an objective of ours.. A goal in mind… Starting point would be dating getting to know the person ect… Im not staring at you imagining how you look in a wedding dress… Most guys including myself, can usally tell what the future holds for the woman that we are dating right off the bat. So we decide, if its just going to be sex or sex with kids, marriage, life time Obligation.

Ohhh an just a side note,, if a guy is begging for sex,, there is usally one of two things going on.. One: he has no other options or is just lame aZZ hell, or Two: He’s really really into you and he is trying to avoid slipping or falling in bed with the easy jumpoff, that is now calling him at 2 in the morning..

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Morning All,

Pretty good topic. It will be interesting to see some of the responses.

We all know the reponses are going to be from the ‘My body is a temple’ crowd. The X factor is just what the topic is about What Now. I use to see that for the most part not many people put emphasis on the aftermath. For some Men So much energy and time is put into the chase or conquest that when it completed its done. Kind of like Salmon spawning once its over they die mission accomplished move on to the next chick. For some women its all about what to do to keep a guy from getting the puddy. In her mind once he gets the puddy then hes spose to fall head over heels for her. Not Hapn that way. Then the guy is a jerk for passing up this fabulous catch. I always enjoyed the chase so to speak but it was never the beginning or end for me. I just looked at it as part of the journey. Not a roadbloack, speed bump or destination. That has kept me from getting too high or too low over a piece. I’d rather look at the total package and take it for what its worth.

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Professor…funny thing the way that happens

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Melo any thoughts? Am I being shallow to not wanting to talk now?

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lol How do you ladies react if a guy is not trying to have sex with you, but he is dating you??!? What if a guy uses your logic in regards to sex, and is all emotion about it. Is that how a guy gets labeled the “NICE GUY”?

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I was wondering where ARed was too. I cannot remember if she mentioned any traveling, but it has been a while for her.

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GM All!

late morning for me but “awwwww” @ SexyC 9:33 how was the show? we’re going tonight.

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. I always enjoyed the chase so to speak but it was never the beginning or end for me. I just looked at it as part of the journey. Not a roadbloack, speed bump or destination. That has kept me from getting too high or too low over a piece. I’d rather look at the total package and take it for what its worth.

Nice stance…..liked his post too

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A Regular..??

what u goin thru,im sure every girl goes thru same..reason is,once u do the do,u dont know for sure if the guy u think u really want to luv will take it in stride or go ghost after that.Its always the mystery that women discover after the fact,i guess.

But u wld rather talk about it,coz it frees ur mind,than willow in the excruciating angst of,”is he gonna call and be serious??, or is he not??
Too much time to waste on smebody who may not be all that serious.
Just be u and in future,just learn to protect ur heart a lil bit more untill u pretty close to knowing him a lil more.

Just be u!
Dont worry about that which u have no control..meaning..Him!

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czB – Paul Mooney is the angriest Black man in America. He does not like white people and will say anydamnthing.

I can have somewhat tender sensibilities about some things. So, some of what he talked about was a bit on the strong side and maybe even dark for me but funny nonetheless.

With all that said, though, I still think he’s a brilliant frickin’ comedian.

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@WillieD ~ ‘My body is a temple’! In this day and age more and more women believe this. I talk about sex here because I’m not getting any of it. Not because it’s not offered but because I value ME and my body and don’t want to lay with just anyone. It amazes me how quickly quite a few men talk about sex. Although I admire their honesty in letting me know what they want, I admire myself even more to stay clear. If you can’t date me you sure as hell can’t phuck me!

@Unknown, that type of man is worthy of my attention.

I spoke w/ARed over the weekend and she’s fine. Didn’t ask where she was, but she’s fine!

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Dream: I can give you all of that information in one minute. Why does it take you longer to get it? How does the information below protect you and your body?

Government Name:
Place of residence:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Where you work:
Your mom and dad:
Uour siblings:
Fav movies:
Fav Color:

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Leggs: “My body is a temple’! In this day and age more and more women believe this.” – Soooo the other 37 times what was their body then?

IF YOU PLACE THAT MUCH VALUE ON WHAT’S IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGGS THEN REST ASSURE THAT THAT’S VALUE MEN WILL PLACE ON YOU!!!

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Willie D: The funniest thing is chicks place all that value on their bodies and then turn around and discount the value of a man’s body but then expects man to respect the value they place on theirs.

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@ForReal, I don’t know what they thought the other 37x You crazy!

I value myself, head to toe. I don’t need to show anyone my self worth by sleeping with them. If that’s what you see me for then you don’t see me. It’s that simple. And for the record, no man knows what value I place on what’s between my legs cuz I don’t discuss what’s between my legs. You got it twisted. Most days you’re smart, but not today!

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I’ve tried it the get to know him, wait forever to indulge route. Once we finally went down that path nearly two months in, the chemistry was awkward, the foreplay was lame and the sex was over in two pumps.

I’ll pass on that.

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Ladies I understand totally the position you take when you give the ‘Body is my Temple’ speech. You also have to understand that alot of men have heard that and see the emphasis you place on it and it becomes the bulls-eye.

Leggs – Men talk about sex because thats what we do. If you dont engage in that conversation then at that point we either keep it moving or respect your stance and adapt. Not all dudes can do that respectfully because quite frankly they either haven’t had to or because they dont care to.

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All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.

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OT – Never again will I schedule my annual physical for the afternoon. I am starving and can’t eat anything.

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@WillieD, let me clarify. I have no problem talking about sex, I just don’t want to talk about it within hours of meeting.

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I don’t do the whole my body is my temple, but I will set the record straight and let the guy know I am not there yet or ready to indulge at that time. Hell any man with some common-dumbmon-sense (common sense dumb folks have) can tell by how I handle myself that I am not the slut-of-the-week.

I don’t discount anyone for their actions so if a man likes a woman that will jump in the sack with him after 20 minutes he need to holla at the ladies on the corner of Cleveland and Metropolitan. If he wants someone after 2 weeks he need to holla someone that shares the same insight, which is not ME.

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BTW, Prof – I actually respect your position.

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All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.

Some are like a used car heavy chevy…broke down, wore out and used up, and too many owners to name.

Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.

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It’s funny cause the same men talking about “We don’t want used up woman” are the same ones on her condoning recreational sex!!!

Dream_n….for some men, women are caught between a rock and a hard place. If you slang azz, you’re ho’d out. If you don’t they say you’re overemphazing and place too much value and will be left alone. Guess what girlie? I think most of us opt to do us….nevermind what some men think. If you’re emotional, you’re a mess. If you can induldge with no emotions, you’re a trick. If you want definition, you’re clingy, if you say nothing…you’re played. I think it was Page1908 that stated it precisely one day…that if it’s getting down you want and getting down with a chick at that, then you (being men) need to accept getting down comes with a once a month red bleeding, emotional, clingy, I need a difinitive, can we spoon/fork, do you love me woman. Otherwise, as she suggested, they need to find a dude. Because in reality on a man is void of all that stuff.

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SCool, stop it, stop it…go sit in the corner…HumpHumpCum! Classic!

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I read an article in S2S magazine last night that stated most women cannot handle the casual thingy and it cited the researcher, but I don’t remember it because we all know S2S is not a scholarly journal.
Angie will be please to know the article on Kandi was pretty good too.

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“Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.” – Remember everything is relative!

Ms. Main: I agree some men do place women in between zippppp and black cake and that’s not fair (unless you gon do it) but I agree do you and don’t worry. The thing that bothers men about women “doing you” is that sometimes “doing you” changes with every issue of Jet. Which mean you aren’t “doing you” you are doing what someone elses’ you.

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@ForReal, then yes, I missed the point. Hell, I’ll be 51 in 2 months so no I don’t place my body as the most important thing about me. I never have. What I place as being important is the ability to date to get to know a person and not jump between the sheets too soon.

However, you don’t have to say a word in order for someone to find out what you value. I somewhat disagree. For some you can spot a mile away what a person is about. When up close and personal, some are harder to figure out than most. You’ve met me, yet you don’t know me at all.

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@Dream_n ^5 you took the words from my keyboard on the 11:37

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@SexyC, I believe it can be.

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Oh…and back to my friend, seems as if he had an ‘understanding’ with a long time female friend of his about the sexual relationship that they agreed to enter into casually.

Some months later, he says that she seemed mystified that he was cool with things just the way that they were and wanted to continue is just that same lane, but she had started inviting him to holiday events, family gatherings and weddings and ish and he was declining to go.

Now her feelings are hurt and the friendship is over all because he believed her when she said that casual would work for her.

Like I said to him, please believe me when I say that when she said that to you, she believed it too.

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Frequency of contact is important. For, ME time is money and money is time, and I don’t spend a lot of time at first outside of dinner and phone conversations. DVD night at my house…nada. So that is why my views are as such…shoot most nights I am busy plotting and planning. I am quirky and reserved so it takes a minute for me to feel comfortable enough to have a man chilling at my house, meeting my friends eating off my dishes and using my toilet. I am a little weird until you get to know me and it all comes together

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Even me, in my stance of saying that some sex is just for pleasure. I know that I can’t have pleasurable sex with you consistently, frequently or whatever and be so naive as to think that some sort of attachment won’t be formed.

I think that goes for most women.. High 5!

On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.

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On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.

I have some of those,too….one of them taught this(or tried to) to her daughter….well now she’s due to be a grandmother(at 37yrs old) in ~3 weeks, so go figure.

To me it almost seems like those type of women are trickin’ themselves out to the highest bidder. They don’t see it like that,though, and would take offense if someone suggested it…..I don’t understand that logic.

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I have one friend who always thought and said out loud that her puddy was made of gold. She used men all the time to get her bills paid and guess they used her too cuz although we’re the same age, she’s looks like she’s been rode hard and hung out to dry.

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@Leggs, is she still using men, or did she learn to take care of herself? I have always wondered what happens after the beauty fades, the corns start hurting and you are just tired. How does these folks survive…I know of a few my age and they are still going. I know another one that is about 45, and when she was about 38 she found this sucker and had a baby for him and settled down with him.

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have seen some dudes give these women everything and end up hurt too

Me too Professor… it’s really sad to see the hurt and anguish.. i told my girl that she better be careful cause she may get hurt one day.

@Sassy … whoa.. teaching that to your child… that’s krazy… but hey to each its own..

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I always wonder about people who look really, really aged. I’m like, “What in dahell happened in your life to make you look so worn down? Was it drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices like living hard and bad relationships?”

Hard lives, hard living and hard hearts show up in your face and on your body.

(It is something that I keep in mind when I am out drinking socially with my friends and one of the reasons that I do not drink more than once or twice a week.)

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OMG, why the corns have to start hurting. I had two great belly laughs already and it’s only 12:20. This same chick was doing 2 brothers behind each others back. Lived with one of the brothers. When he went to jail, she moved the other brother in. I don’t like the word “broad”, but that title has always fit her and when I hear that word I always think of her!

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When I say sex does not deepen out connection I’m simply saying that I don’t suddenly become attached to him just because we’re intimate. That deeper connection happens for me as we continue the getting-to-know-you process. Notice, Professor, “continue” not “begin”! LOL

For the record, I’m in my 40s and have had only 3 partners; each I knew for months (or years) before taking that step. I am by no means promiscuous. For me, the emotional bond grows as the relationship progresses in ALL it’s intimate aspects.

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@SexyC ~ no doubt hard living/partying definitely ages a person. However, some just have hard lives and stress will age you faster than anything on the street! My sister is 2 years older than me, but she looks a good 10 years older than me. The mean streets of NY can do that to a person.

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“She’s a looker and it makes him feel confidant. (that’s what i think)” You’re probably right. He’s walking with his head held high, a little c o c k e d (blog machine doesn’t like those letters all together) to the side exuding the unspoken words of “yeah, I pulled this litle cutie right here!”

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Afternoon folks!

I definitely think sex changes things and I don’t it has to do with the emotional value ‘we’ place on it. I believe that it’s totally in our make-up and no matter how progressive we women become – it’s still there. Yes, we can become numb to it over a period of time – kind of like callouses on our hands…but the way we were created results in a woman ‘receiving’ a man during the act. We actually take the man into our bodies and when he leaves – there’s a bit of emptiness where he once was. I don’t think I’m the only one that experiences this.

After this occurs – we long to be filled again because sex was created to be a joining of a man and a woman in the physical sense. When Adam and Eve were cursed in the garden, the curse upon the women not only included the pain in childbirth but that we would desire our husband and he shall rule over you. I’m not professing to be an expert on this but I believe this to relate directly to what happens after we join ourselves with a man.

It is with this belief that I truly believe my body is a temple (well that, and the fact that the scripture says it is) that must be honored and protected.

When I first had sex with my fiance’ it was because I wanted to give him more of me. It wasn’t for pleasure because my past experiences had me convinced that sex wasn’t all that great.

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(money/you know the other one

Dream_n?? so u and ur girls had a viewing party tgether??

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@Professor – you got mail. But, I like your descriptive play on words this morning.

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Melo, I wasn’t necessarly honing in on respecting my body because that’s not a speech I need to make. That’s a code I live by. I was speaking from a perspective of doing you, as we’re all different because if you’re swaying to the beat SPECIFICALLY of a man’s drum and some of the thing For Real posted, more than likely you won’t get it right no way. If you cool with handing out the goods…do that. If you’re cool rationing…do that….just do you. Some men say they’re cool with going straight to it and is not bothered by such. Some men say they’re old fashioned and like to take it a bit slower and can be taken aback if given early on. A woman needs to guage for herself what works versus not….all the while finding balance, if in a relationship…because catering to someone’s every whim or confirming to every tide is a lose lose for the her.

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conforming to every tide is what I meant

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@Tazzee, Well stated!

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Professor – I’m already a very emotional, sensitive person. That’s just my make-up so the act of joining myself with another person is MAJOR for me. I don’t knock women that can have sex without the emotional attachment, in some ways I admire them because they retain the power. But I know that when I do it – I will desire the man and in some ways, he will rule over me – not in the controlling, ‘come here woman’ sense. But in that my emotional state will be attached to him in some form or fashion. That is why I wanted to make sure the man that I joined with would be careful with that power.

I’ve always said that I wanted to love a man to the point where I would commit a felony for him – but that man would be the type that would never ask me to do that…if that makes sense.

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I hear ya leggs/prof

I told her that she needs to cut it out, but at some point you just have to wash your hands and let grown folks handle their own business…

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I’ve always said that I wanted to love a man to the point where I would commit a felony for him – but that man would be the type that would never ask me to do that

now thats Rich……

why I wanted to make sure the man that I joined with would be careful with that power

so many goodies in ur post!

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When I first had sex with my fiance’ it was because I wanted to give him more of me. It wasn’t for pleasure because my past experiences had me convinced that sex wasn’t all that great.

DArn Tazz & you how old and never had great sex, wow..sorry

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Okay so ladies.. let’s go back tothe original question:

We held out.. we learned the person.. and now we felt comfortable to give ourselves to out mate…

We took it there, now what???

What if things start going left, or it wasn’t as good as you thought it would be….?

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We held out.. we learned the person.. and now we felt comfortable to give ourselves to out mate…

We took it there, now what???

@Dream_n hopefully you continue to move forward and the terms of agreement you all had before the big O are still in place…progress forward.

If things start going left…peace out! If it is not good, well I AM the PROFESSOR, so I will have to give a private lesson or two.

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Off topic: I was trying to wait unil Thursday or Friday for my wings, but I want some today!

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For a lot of guys taking it “there” means the end of the relationship and move on to the next woman. On the other side there are a lot of woman doing the same thing these days.

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Taz – They do.

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Taz – I almost always eat before I get there and usually just order two bottles of water.

Last night, I had mozarella sticks and the bottle water. However, it will be the last time I order those sticks. They were horrible.

But really, and I somehow never think about it, it’s just cheaper to pay the $5 charge.

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For me, moving forward to the wedding date

Tazzee.. question..

Have you always wanted to get married?

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What if things start going left, or it wasn’t as good as you thought it would be….?

Dream_n that’s why sex can’t be the ‘be all, end all’ of a relationship. you two should have had an emotional bond before taking that physical step. it’s that bond that will keep you growing closer while you work out your sexual chemistry. of course, for those that are just casually enjoying the experience, the let-down is the perfect opportunity to move on.

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It’s the hunt that is exciting, the kill (sex) is merely the inevitable culmination of displaying superior hunting skills, which must be repeated over and over again.

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Yeah, you can just tell the server that you will be paying the $5.

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SexyC it’s funny you mention that he hates white people. i think i just recently read that his wife is white??? he is definitely blunt with it, but i can’t help laughing at everything he says. i’m looking forward to it.

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czB – I had to go back and read what I wrote. I actually said that he “does not LIKE white people” which even after I posted that I considered coming back and correcting that with he does not APPEAR to like white people.

Hell, it could all just be a part of his act and what gets him paid.

I mean, think about it, look at Richard Pryor’s comedic style and career. If you took his ‘act’ for his truth, then you would think that he didn’t like white people in spite of his white wife. (Oh, and I did hear that Mooney’s wife was white but don’t know if it’s true or not.)

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oops! my bad. you’re right. i was waaaaay too strong on choice of words.

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I too was saddle with the Olive Oyl name for years.

AND LMAO!!! MND says some dudes at work were messing with for going to see the ‘gay’ comedian.

~lol~

And with that…time to go ride the stirrups so that I can finally EAT!!!!

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hmmm. and he’s been talking quite a bit about how much he wrote for pryor. interesting. i think you may be right about it being for the act and the payday. even better, if u ask me.

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Sex is overrated. At some point in a relationship sex is secondary. The question is can you sit across from that person the next morning and talk over a cup of coffee?

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I do not think that sex should be introduced too early in a relationship because there are too many issues that could arise from it. I think when sex happens too early, it gives men the idea that they can use women sexually without doing much else to maintain the relationship, and that is just NOT cool at all. But as my Mom always says “Find a fool, use them.” I do think that sex a lot of the time complicates things for people who barely know each other. I think that adults have to be mature and know what they want. I don’t believe in the casual sex thing, but if two people agree to only be sexual partners with no emotional and relationship ties, then to each his own. I think that as women we need to know better. If I had to put a time stamp on it, if I am dating someone, I would wait maybe 7-8 months or preferrably longer to introduce sex into the relationship. People need to spend more time getting to know one another first before becoming intmate, and women need to have higher standards when seeking mates. Sex should not be important when you first meet someone and are getting to know them; in the beginning it should be about the person and what they bring to the relationship and what kind of relationship they want. I have told men this before and I will say it again, if you want sex, get a prostitute!!!! Money is no problem because some of them are very cheap (LOL)! I wouldn’t be though (LMAO)!!! No disrespect to prostitutes though; everyone is flawed in some way.

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Good afternoon peeps! I usually peep in from afar and have kept quiet in order to keep peace on the MIA site. However, I have to publicly acknowledge Tazzee’s post as being on point. Also, Truth nailed it on the dead too with his “For a lot of guys taking it “there” means the end of the relationship and move on to the next woman. On the other side there are a lot of woman doing the same thing these days.”

I’d like to also give you this…
Your sex should be viewed as a mutual fund that gets better and matures over time. All of the relationships you participate in should allow the experiences to mature you in preparation for the one you marry. Upon marrying Mr./Mrs. Right, he or she gets to redeem the full value of the fund along with interest. Unfortunately, too many men/women are allowing others to withdraw prematurely and without valid long-term access privileges. They’re giving away million-dollar fund benefits to people who have only contributed $2.00 to their overall value (dinner, movies, purse, bills paid, etc.). Sex isn’t a bad thing, but it was never created to be shared with everyone. Men ‘give’ and women ‘receive’ during the act and when there is a disconnect/breakup…it definitely leaves a void!

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The last time I went to see Paul Mooney – my friend and I sat right up front. There were many times when we were the only one’s in the place laughing.

czBrat – if you see a table of 4 ladies with two cracking up when no one else is – that’s probably us, LOL.

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An old saying goes,why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

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Hey KP – I like that mutual fund analogy.

Off to a meeting for the rest of the afternoon. Have a great day folks!!!

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For Real now slapping the ish out of Babs for medicinal purposes.

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sex is never secondary for me…its on my forehead….i dont get it,i rebel….

the ultimate punishment that one can ever gimme is to take my dizzle away or make it dysfunctional.
Man cant and wont live on lick lick alone

Chardonnay?? if i think u that good, i may wait 7/8 months but i will get some on the side and sly.

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@Dream_n, December 9th.

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Enter your comments here

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Get the heck on and stay the heck gone

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KP: So let me make sure I got this right, I’m suppose to put money (time, energy, money) into a mutual fund (sex/chick) and let it mature (no sex) for 5 or 10 yrs depending on the maturation date. Then at the end of maturity I cash out the mutual fund (marry then have sex). Which means the mutual fund then will be able to legally take my money and property all because of sex? – For Real now slapping the hell out of KP for medicinal purposes.

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Get the heck on!

u mean on ur puddyPad(as in helipad) Lurker???

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For Real

SMH @ your 2:48… comical

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When a man’s in “hunt” mode, he’s lookin’ to be satisfied. It’s just in a man’s nature to crave sexual satisfaction with little concern for the female. In “hunt” mode, a woman ain’t no different than a man’s hand – you are just an alternate means to “choke the chicken”. (P.S. – this is one way to avoid sexual intercourse if you’re unsure).

But, hey, we don’t live in the jungle anymore so men try to be more civilized with women. But it’s hard to do all the times. Again, it’s not necessarily in our nature to be concerned. Some men are better at accomodating a woman and staying with her (may depend on the example set by his mother) other men got little concern except to get off.

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the men are now chiming in. i’m luvin it!

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See here is where it gets tricky. A real stand-up dude even when he has the right intentions will tire of a chick with a defined waiting period. I mean if dude not pressuring and everything is going right, all due diligence has been done, met the folks and everything. Oh but its only been 4-6 months. I have to wait until 7-8 months. Even real dudes will bounce. Like someone said if I wait 8 months but we only see each other 1-2 a week but if I see 4-5 times a week in 4 months who’s really getting to know each other. I know it sounds better to come on the blog and tell erybody he has to wait 8 months before you giving up your Gold.

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LMAO @ Leggs!!!

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Ripple: Let me see if I understand what you are saying… You meet dude, You and dude like each other, then you tell dude who you just met 2wks ago that he cannot have sex with anyone for 7 to months? Wow and I bet you would kick him in the chin if he asked you to cook dinner for him every night for 7 to 8 months.

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Chardonnay you sound young babygirl….I ain’t knocking you though.

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hi ladies!

i had a good friend named Chris while i lived in GA. he is the reason for me not wanting to have male friends in my life. we took it there and this nicca feel in love!

i was very upset because our friendship meant a lot to me. so when he asked me to date him, i said no. he stopped contacting me . . . end of story.

i mees him. (

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@For Real…what took you so long to respond? I figured you’d have something creative to say. The moral of the story is this…

1. Know what you want
2. Identify a top prospect(s)
3. Confirm compatibility
4. Make a commitment
5. Get married

We both know that it doesn’t take men that long to make decisions on things we REALLY want. Those paddling in stagnant relationships are because one of the participants is holding for someone better or using a process of elimination to confirm comfort with the one he/she is with. Why should someone give their cookie or dizzle away to someone who doesn’t have their long-term best interest in mind? That’s what prostitutes are for right???

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Excuse me!?…..Eli is you cheatin’ on me?…..

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hey Brat! i’m done with male friends. i can def live w/o their azzes.

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If you wait 7-8 months to get said pus*,, and you only see her once or twice in a week,, there should be some red flags going up,, You are in the friend zone, with a possibility of hitting… I tried that ish as an adult for 6 months and felt stupid about it at the end… I found myself being the emotional pillow guy for her to lay all her baggage on… I bounced on her quick and fast, after I started asking myself WTF are youuuu doing!!

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yea. i guess i do have a male friend after all. *shrug*

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@Ms. Main. Thanks for saying something positive. I never want to give people the impression that I have all the answers because I don’t. I can only speak on my experiences, in which many have been negative and horrifying. But life is a beautiful thing and we only get to be here for a short time. In spite of adversity, I still have a positive outlook on life and everything that I want, I will get in it’s own time!!! Have a great afternoon!

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I hear some bitter chick undertones coming from Chardonnay…. Staceye, is that you? Where you been girl, we miss you! lol

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Chardonnay..yah..u went waaay deep.

thanx..imma leave that alone.

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^together

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She does sound young in that post.

@Char ~ (I shorten just about everybody’s name). Good head on your shoulders, and I am thankful you’re still gracing Earth. You learned a a lesson the hard way. You survived! {{{hugs}}}

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Chardonnay, nothing wrong with expressing your beliefs and upbringing. Like I said you sound young but not negative. A bit green I’d say but hey it’s the same amount of green for anyone in their twenties…if that’s any consolation to you…lol Keep your head up, loving, living, learning (please have take aways from your experiences) and you’ll find yourself sprouting to be quite a fine woman. I know…a bit bragadocious probably but I’m not retracting…lol

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@Lurker, no I don’t think that I am bitter, but I guess I seem to come off that way at times. But as I always say, people can only speak from their own personal experiences. But if I come off as bitter, that is not my intent I assure you. I just have a different perspective on where my priorites should be and where they are, but I am not against relationships or anything like that. There is a time and place for everything, and before embarking on any journey, you have to know why you are going there in the first place, that’s all I’m saying!!

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Chardonnay-Sorry,did’nt mean anything by what I said. To me age has nothing to do with knowledge,we should all want it. No disrespect was intended.

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@ Ms. Main, thanks for the inspiration!! People need to hear things like that. You should be a motivational speaker or write a book for young women like myself!! We sooooooooo need people like you to say things like that!! Thanks, I’m going to write down what you said and tape it to my mirror!!

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@ Hef, none taken!!!!

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Chardonnay I don’t think anyone on this blog has implied you have no direction or values. And Hef’s input has been appreciated here. Those of us who have a few years on you (”older people” to you) are still learning, too. We’re not dead yet!

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Chardonnay-Cool & Love Life! Have a great evening to all

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@ Leggs, thanks!! Let me remind everyone that it is October and it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month!! I survived and so can other people in that situation. If a man hits you once, it will happen again!! Never stay! ….I sound like an infomercial but it needs to be said!

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Chardonnay
@ Ms. Main, thanks for the inspiration!! People need to hear things like that. You should be a motivational speaker or write a book for young women like myself!! We sooooooooo need people like you to say things like that!! Thanks, I’m going to write down what you said and tape it to my mirror!!

Awwwwww…..you big BLOG HUG to you as well…little sister

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Grad, you think you’re protectin’ a woman for no reason but to protect them? Who you kiddin’? You protectin’ it for yourself or you are gay or “lite”. Now, I got nothin’ against that but you can’t speak for others. I wish you no harm, just speakin’ truth.

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@ For Real…good counter argument. It goes back to the original blog question for today. Why do things change once the ‘goods’ have been exchanged? It goes back to a difference in mindset. Sex is often viewed as an act that signifies that a relationship is growing closer (by women) and an act of accomplishment (by men). However, I wonder how many people would actually proceed forward in the giving of themselves if the man/woman they are with told him/her they would be gone within 3 weeks to 2 months? I’m sure many would reconsider…at least more women would reconsider. I do recognize there are women who operate with the mindset of men and simply want to get their ‘O’ off, but they are the exception and not the norm.

Nice, comical response to my prostitute comment…LOL.

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@czBrat, no, I was not speaking of anyone on this blog in regards to older people. I was just generalizing because I have heard people in their 50s and 60s say things about people of my generation which are just not true. They usually refer to what they see on TV, in the magazines, and what they hear on the radio, which is only a small representation of certain people. I have heard people say that those of my generation have no values for certain things like education and relationships and that could not be farther from the truth. There are plenty of successful and educated young women who have their ducks in a row, but they are not willing to settle for anything less than what they think they deserve and they have common sense. I can’t say that I know a lot of young women like that, but there are plenty out there who have great futures ahead of them. I do not want to be in that category when people do genralize on things like that, I have no desire to be in the entertainment industry, I like to watch them from afar!! But these days, people will do anything to get on TV, it is ridiculous!!

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Main, Grad and any other names you might post under,

The “oldest profession” says it all – been that way a lo-o-o-o-ong time, and for a lot of men it still is. We can accomodate each other but all the rest is just the bs we use to get what we want. I can’t speak for all men, but those I can speak for some who’ve been around a long time.

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D’Andre you need to check yourself just a little. The number of unwed mothers in the community says there are plenty of dudes just like you. Grad Student got a point, it shouldn’t be that way is all.

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Dream_n-I resemble that remark,HA! Funny My lady thinks I dance great(funny what love can do)

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Recap:

1. Chardonnay aka Ripple: I am 26 and I do not have any children, or any STD’s or HIV/AIDS – Sounds like some young clean puddy just hit the market.

2. Beautiful: i had a good friend named Chris while i lived in GA and we took it there – Beautiful just gave hope to those dude stuck in FZ

3. KP: That’s what prostitutes are for right??? – Sounds like a taxicab confession KP but I ain’t mad at cha

4. Ripple: I am 26 and I have so much more to learn and I want to. – Dayumm!!! Young, clean, childless and egger. For Real now dressing up like Joe Clark so Ripple can lean on me.

5. czBrat: Don’t let that stop you from having male friends. They can be a great source of insight and support. – Translation, you can sex with czBrat but you got to call it insight and supporting. BTW, does cz stand for cubic zarconia? That was bothering me.

6. a big blog hug – Ms. Main and Ripple gon rub breastatesesses

7. D’Andre vs Grad Student – Awww the classic battle Fugg em vs Saving em

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thievery!

high 5 Leggs… so true… Sometimes I wish guys (with that mindset) went to jail for the ish they do to women sometimes… cause you would be in for a good 2-5!

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KP: “Sex is often viewed as an act that signifies that a relationship is growing closer (by women) and an act of accomplishment (by men).” – No women view sex as sealing the deal like Wise said and that deal is she wants you to marry her. “However, I wonder how many people would actually proceed forward in the giving of themselves if the man/woman they are with told him/her they would be gone within 3 weeks to 2 months?” – That statement is not exclusive to sex. If any person told you they would leave your life in 3wks no will invest the time in the person because they will not see a return. The problem is this country is the only country in the world that view sex in such absolute terms. The fact of the matter is if you are not adult enough to engage in sex then don’t but stop making up these juvenile excuses and own to the fact that you can keep a man or woman because of the person you are. Learn to control your emotions and start using the biggest muscle you have… YOUR BRAIN!!

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why is it that people look down on women who get paid for sex but yet so many women give it up for free and get nothing in return, so in essence, who is more right or wrong?

- NOT everyone…i pop my collar to those “true to the game” money making women..get it how you live….i have been in the game before and like you said not everyone has a pimp and this is not the 70’s HELL some women are doing thru personal website and other services they offer..massages…etc.

I think society looks down on women that do it because they are going against the norm of controlling the female sexuality..and that control was established to basically establish paternity…imagine if we had a bunch of fun flucking women running around….lets just say maury would be the number one rate show

whats funny is that men love pro’s….men tend to marry square women but secretly want them to be pro’s…thats the funny part…most men in society are taught to trick first….never to spit game and holla before you spend change and dollars..thats why its so easy for that industry to operate…the poo cee is placed on high….

as for the women that hate…hell they dont want there men coming home requiring there lazy arse to provide more then there moist stinky hole they giving up to him…most men settle for lame free sex..but will rob,steal and kill to pay someone for some strange…

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Fugg em VS Save Em, Now that was funny.

Good nite all!!!

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Ms. Chardonnay (said in my Parisan accent)

Please note that I am raising my glass to you for that 4:14PM post. Here..here

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Dream: “Sometimes I wish guys (with that mindset) went to jail for the ish they do to women sometimes” – You would have to lock the chicks up too cause can’t nobody do nothing to you without your consent. Chicks need to assume the responsibility of their choices. You can’t invite D’Marcus in and then turn around and say “How did you get there”

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Dandre

you stated

“Grad, you think you’re protectin’ a woman for no reason but to protect them? Who you kiddin’? You protectin’ it for yourself or you are gay or “lite”. Now, I got nothin’ against that but you can’t speak for others. I wish you no harm, just speakin’ truth.”

First I was correcting you when you started talking about all men hunting. I do not hunt. It is not a find a kill and add it to my score board I am grown.

second – If you do not feel like you are the protector of a woman you are with then that is not being a real man in my eyes.

Third – I am 6 foot 2 two hundred and thirty pounds and I can bench press YOU. I am not “lite” or gay and a REAL man does not spend his time with HO’s because if you show me your friends and acquaintances I can tell who YOU are as a person.

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I would hope that all things of importance are discussed prior to doing the deed.  To me, crossing that threshold means an added
dimension of what you currently have and already agreed upon.   It is not necessarily a precursor to an undisclosed desire for what you wish to have with that person.  I don’t think that most men believe most women
can grasp this concept.  But then they don’t know how to take it when she does. 

M.DOT  If you’re still here, you asked a question at like dawn, when I first peeked in on the topic.  I don’t think every lady
has a magic formula, or specific combination of happenings that will crack the legs code… Bottom line, if she wants let you into her skin, she will. However, I believe this thinking stems from a perception of how women put a price tag on the bleeep.That’s why some of y’all somewhere calculating ‘hmm I’ve now paid for 4 drinks, said she’s beautiful 3 times, mentioned having read at least 2 books since grade school and worn more than 1 button down shirt… sugar walls, here I come!’

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@ Leggs

lol…. thanx for saying that…
cause I was cracking up at my desk!!!

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Nobody can’t do you without consent but folks sho know they get it under false pretenses. That’s the stuff D’Andre is on…lol

D’Andre, boo…I’m a separate person from Grad Student. Just amazed that you called him gay when he tried to spin to you, how a real man does it. SMH

Chardonnay…pay For Real no mind…lol

Rell – why is it that people look down on women who get paid for sex but yet so many women give it up for free and get nothing in return, so in essence, who is more right or wrong?

For once, I AGREE!!!

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I would hope that all things of importance are discussed prior to doing the deed. To me, crossing that threshold means an added
dimension of what you currently have and already agreed upon

Agree, Cosign, Agree..that’s how it’s done

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@ Rell,

you stated

**if you show me your friends and acquaintances I can tell who YOU are as a person.

- really…what da hell..so we all one collective mind….what if my friends are my family….folks are straight funny with the judgements…
**

It is statistically a FACT. Not me passing judgement. Why do you think birds of a feather flock together, the apple does not fall far from the tree sayings come from?

Your pay is with in 10% of your friends.

So if you are broke then your friends are probably broke too. If you are devoid of a Church like guess what… your friends probably are too.

You rarely see animals in the wild hanging out with different species. Not saying that money makes you better or worse… just saying… show me some things about you I can predict what kind of house your in, your education level, and bank account, or if you believe in HIM.

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On another note, I finally heard Usher’s new song, Papers. The words made me sad cuz I believed him when he said he intended to be a lifer once he took those vows. Selection processsssssssss…

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I honestly believe I would be a stalker after that. Shoot I act like that after I kiss a guy and I have only done that four times in my life. So I can only imagine after sex.

Wow, I don’t know if I should laugh or be worried at that statement.

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men think that they can use us and treat us like garbage

- men dont care about the price…they treat you like garbage cause you smell like sh ..he cant see his reflection cause you moving your too much and only talking about garbage..thats why

Most women I know that are in relationships are unhappy because their boyfriend or spouse isn’t making enough money and he is not trying to do any better, rather, he wants to settle for a mediocre life of nothing, but yet those women continue to live that way in misery.

- NEWS FLASH…pls dont drank that kool-aid slim..those women are lazy ass hell and they are half h o n…if they want that life cannot they not create it for themselves which will bring the men from those circles into there lives…no what they do is get a dayum poodle and try to train it like a pit bull….they are stoopd and lazy…and fill with dayum drama..what are they waiting on…a man to provide them with the life of there dreams….huh…can you not see the f up logic there…and you cosigning with those lack luster broads…lol…stop right now pls…the problem is women feel they are entitled to something with out doing some work…i mean who sits around and waits on something….really…never ever think of cosigning with that bs there…come on slim, you were sounding real good couple post ago…did your thinking cap fall off?

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@ Ms Main

It is natural for Dandre to start calling names. That is the first reaction when you have no logical debate you can put down.

In his world, he is counting up scores for some illusive game he will get zero bucks for, zero recognition (maybe high fives with buddies), zero long term gratification. I am building a legacy.

I want our people to do better. We need to start loving each other (not just sex) we need to understand how deep sex is and value each other so we can start working together.

I would venture to say a lot of the promiscuity is probably because for those few moments those people feel that someone “wants” them… instead of thinking about the long term implications.

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still LOL @ For Real. and NO! on the cubic zirconia question. did you miss the posts on the “stubborn” topic? i explained my blog name there.

ciao!!!

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“If I am rapping to a woman…” you took me back to the 70’s with that one line.

Damn, IWldlk2Date – you know you have stalker tendencies and you want to date, but can’t. Do you think men can “smell” this type of perfume on you. WOW! Nothing wrong w/being honest w/oneself.

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KP and Grad Student….kudos kudos and applaud!!

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@ Profess and Ms. Main – yes I have not kissed anyone since 2006 the one time and I was a legal adult and regretted it.

Yes it would take a lot for me to handle to give away sex so I am sticking with giving it away in marriage. I couldn’t handle it any other way.

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Im taking it there tonite imma get in the shower,come out and ask her to come put lotion on me as i lay on the bed…

Her touch will arouse the beast in me!

good nite!!

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@ Leggs – I am trying to change the perfume honestly. No more goggling potential boyfriends, calling them at work, sending love letters. I stopped doing that two weeks ago.

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Grad: I never said you were a Captain. I just pointed out a timeless battle among men.

Dream: “false pretenses” – Yeah but when are women going to stop being fooled? Speaking of which zippppppp peeka boo!

“I honestly believe I would be a stalker after that. Shoot I act like that after I kiss a guy and I have only done that four times in my life. So I can only imagine after sex.” – Note to self!!

“Needless to say, if I had to be anywhere near someone like you, I would rather shoot myself with my own 12-gage shotgun!!” – For Real now standing beside Ripple. Now there are two less people in the line at Walmart.

KP: You got that last post from Al Greene’s Love and Happiness song didn’t you?

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Professor

You are a nut!!! lmao!!!

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Good night everyone!

By being more considerate and a little less demanding, this dark old world would very soon eclipse the “Evening Star”, if everybody Brightened Up The Corner Where They Are! (Helen Steiner Rice).

Everyone’s corner can be brighter if folk just stop using folk. As was stated earlier this morning, do what works best for you without hurting others! If you can’t get the honey pot w/out hurting her, then move on.

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Yes it would take a lot for me to handle to give away sex so I am sticking with giving it away in marriage. I couldn’t handle it any other way.

IWLDLIKE2DATE….you’re on the right track….many would say don’t listen to me but treat your body like the temple it is. I have a SO but witout being in a relationship, heck no, no random azz here. No “testing”…just the way I’m wired.

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