We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
307 comments Add your comment
Simple Simon
October 21st, 2009
3:57 pm
D’Andre you need to check yourself just a little. The number of unwed mothers in the community says there are plenty of dudes just like you. Grad Student got a point, it shouldn’t be that way is all.
Rell - da rake
October 21st, 2009
3:58 pm
LOL…not this again!
Hef
October 21st, 2009
3:59 pm
Dream_n-I resemble that remark,HA! Funny My lady thinks I dance great(funny what love can do)
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:00 pm
We can accomodate each other but all the rest is just the bs we use to get what we want
SMH…
For Real
October 21st, 2009
4:00 pm
Recap:
1. Chardonnay aka Ripple: I am 26 and I do not have any children, or any STD’s or HIV/AIDS – Sounds like some young clean puddy just hit the market.
2. Beautiful: i had a good friend named Chris while i lived in GA and we took it there – Beautiful just gave hope to those dude stuck in FZ
3. KP: That’s what prostitutes are for right??? – Sounds like a taxicab confession KP but I ain’t mad at cha
4. Ripple: I am 26 and I have so much more to learn and I want to. – Dayumm!!! Young, clean, childless and egger. For Real now dressing up like Joe Clark so Ripple can lean on me.
5. czBrat: Don’t let that stop you from having male friends. They can be a great source of insight and support. – Translation, you can sex with czBrat but you got to call it insight and supporting. BTW, does cz stand for cubic zarconia? That was bothering me.
6. a big blog hug – Ms. Main and Ripple gon rub breastatesesses
7. D’Andre vs Grad Student – Awww the classic battle Fugg em vs Saving em
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
4:01 pm
I don’t know everyone, why is it that everything seems to always boil down to two things distinctly, sex and money! Is it just me (as it normally is) or do things really seem that way? Think about it, prostitution is the world’s oldest profession and it will never go away. Whenever I get into deep conversations about the topic, no one ever wins the argument because you can’t!! It’s not right, but it’s not wrong either. But help me out on this people, why is it that people look down on women who get paid for sex but yet so many women give it up for free and get nothing in return, so in essence, who is more right or wrong? I always get interesting answers if I ask that question to someone. I discussed it on My FB page a little and I was the most hated person on Facebook because my point was that no woman should settle for less than!! Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating ANY kind of illegal behavior, but why is America so judgmental when it comes to prostitutes, call-girls, whatever you want to call them? Is it that women are jealous because some women are able to have more than them financially and materialistically although they go about it a different way and/or is it that men are jealous of other men who can actually afford to pay thousands for expensive sex? Help me out on this one and give me some answers??? Remember that not all prostitutes have pimps, some pocket everything and some get paid thousands like former Governor Spitzer’s call-girl who formerly lived in a penthouse apartment in New York. Let me make it clear again that I am not condoning this kind of behavior, but for it’s reasoning, is behavior like this affecting the way that women view relationships?
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:02 pm
thievery!
high 5 Leggs… so true… Sometimes I wish guys (with that mindset) went to jail for the ish they do to women sometimes… cause you would be in for a good 2-5!
MR. Unknown
October 21st, 2009
4:07 pm
@dream_n We going to call you Da Da, top notch security of the world Craig!! Going to put men in your virtual jail!! On that note, I holla,,
For Real
October 21st, 2009
4:09 pm
KP: “Sex is often viewed as an act that signifies that a relationship is growing closer (by women) and an act of accomplishment (by men).” – No women view sex as sealing the deal like Wise said and that deal is she wants you to marry her. “However, I wonder how many people would actually proceed forward in the giving of themselves if the man/woman they are with told him/her they would be gone within 3 weeks to 2 months?” – That statement is not exclusive to sex. If any person told you they would leave your life in 3wks no will invest the time in the person because they will not see a return. The problem is this country is the only country in the world that view sex in such absolute terms. The fact of the matter is if you are not adult enough to engage in sex then don’t but stop making up these juvenile excuses and own to the fact that you can keep a man or woman because of the person you are. Learn to control your emotions and start using the biggest muscle you have… YOUR BRAIN!!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
4:10 pm
@Char…I am happy you survived and I know you will make your mark in this world!
@Dream_n look at you dropping knowledge like an OG…go head on chica!
@Melo I hope you cash in on that mutual fund…LMAO
@Grad****Good Point**** Tell ‘em again A real man knows if you HUNT to satisfy a woman you will be taken care of ten fold.
You have been fooled. It is in OUR nature to be the protectors of our women. The only hunt we should do is for more scraps to put on the table dude.
@Elijah how old are you?
Rell - da rake
October 21st, 2009
4:11 pm
why is it that people look down on women who get paid for sex but yet so many women give it up for free and get nothing in return, so in essence, who is more right or wrong?
- NOT everyone…i pop my collar to those “true to the game” money making women..get it how you live….i have been in the game before and like you said not everyone has a pimp and this is not the 70’s HELL some women are doing thru personal website and other services they offer..massages…etc.
I think society looks down on women that do it because they are going against the norm of controlling the female sexuality..and that control was established to basically establish paternity…imagine if we had a bunch of fun flucking women running around….lets just say maury would be the number one rate show
whats funny is that men love pro’s….men tend to marry square women but secretly want them to be pro’s…thats the funny part…most men in society are taught to trick first….never to spit game and holla before you spend change and dollars..thats why its so easy for that industry to operate…the poo cee is placed on high….
as for the women that hate…hell they dont want there men coming home requiring there lazy arse to provide more then there moist stinky hole they giving up to him…most men settle for lame free sex..but will rob,steal and kill to pay someone for some strange…
For Real
October 21st, 2009
4:12 pm
Leggs: “The oldest profession is really, thievery!” – You are right some dude stole another dude’s lady puddy while he was out huntin and paid her a pound of salt to not tell him. Thus, the invention of “getting your bills paid”.
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
4:13 pm
Fugg em VS Save Em, Now that was funny.
Good nite all!!!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
4:14 pm
@ For Real, you need an ass whipping, that tidbit was totally inappropriate. If anyone on here said something that you don’t like or that hit close to home probably because you are broke and uneducated and cannot attract a classy version the opposite sex, maybe you should go and watch the Cartoon Network and call it a day. I don’t know if you are a man, woman, or both, but that was inappropiate, especially to women. Who raised you? They should be shot!! This blog is for legitimate adults who want to voice their opinions without offending others.
Furthermore, my legal given first name is Chardonnay (which is a French wine for the dummies), no one has permission to call me anything but that! So do not call me Ripple, I am the wrong one!! But as I always tell ignorant people, f&*^ off which is exactly what you need to do!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
4:17 pm
Ms. Chardonnay (said in my Parisan accent)
Please note that I am raising my glass to you for that 4:14PM post. Here..here
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
4:17 pm
@ForReal, yes indeed!
For Real
October 21st, 2009
4:18 pm
Dream: “Sometimes I wish guys (with that mindset) went to jail for the ish they do to women sometimes” – You would have to lock the chicks up too cause can’t nobody do nothing to you without your consent. Chicks need to assume the responsibility of their choices. You can’t invite D’Marcus in and then turn around and say “How did you get there”
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
4:19 pm
Ut oh, Char’s not use to ForReal’s summaries. She sounds like a nun standing over the pupil slapping her own hand with the ruler.
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
4:20 pm
Dandre
you stated
“Grad, you think you’re protectin’ a woman for no reason but to protect them? Who you kiddin’? You protectin’ it for yourself or you are gay or “lite”. Now, I got nothin’ against that but you can’t speak for others. I wish you no harm, just speakin’ truth.”
First I was correcting you when you started talking about all men hunting. I do not hunt. It is not a find a kill and add it to my score board I am grown.
second – If you do not feel like you are the protector of a woman you are with then that is not being a real man in my eyes.
Third – I am 6 foot 2 two hundred and thirty pounds and I can bench press YOU. I am not “lite” or gay and a REAL man does not spend his time with HO’s because if you show me your friends and acquaintances I can tell who YOU are as a person.
Rell - da rake
October 21st, 2009
4:23 pm
if you show me your friends and acquaintances I can tell who YOU are as a person.
- really…what da hell..so we all one collective mind….what if my friends are my family….folks are straight funny with the judgements…
mytw♥cents
October 21st, 2009
4:23 pm
I would hope that all things of importance are discussed prior to doing the deed. To me, crossing that threshold means an added
dimension of what you currently have and already agreed upon. It is not necessarily a precursor to an undisclosed desire for what you wish to have with that person. I don’t think that most men believe most women
can grasp this concept. But then they don’t know how to take it when she does.
M.DOT If you’re still here, you asked a question at like dawn, when I first peeked in on the topic. I don’t think every lady
has a magic formula, or specific combination of happenings that will crack the
legscode… Bottom line, if she wants let you into her skin, she will. However, I believe this thinking stems from a perception of how women put a price tag on the bleeep.That’s why some of y’all somewhere calculating ‘hmm I’ve now paid for 4 drinks, said she’s beautiful 3 times, mentioned having read at least 2 books since grade school and worn more than 1 button down shirt… sugar walls, here I come!’Leggs
October 21st, 2009
4:25 pm
Sheena Easton would be proud to see some still say “sugar walls.”
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:25 pm
@ Leggs
lol…. thanx for saying that…
cause I was cracking up at my desk!!!
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
4:26 pm
@ For REAL
You stated
7. D’Andre vs Grad Student – Awww the classic battle Fugg em vs Saving em
Why do I have to be CAPTAIN SAVE A O?
THIS IS THE PROBLEM HERE> If I am rapping to a woman I see her as a Queen. I am a King. Why should I not want to protect her and keep it 100 with her.
So I am saving her from what? From stupidity and dudes who do know that you might get a night… but she will be devoted to me for a lifetime cause I KEEP IT FA-TRUE
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:26 pm
Nobody can’t do you without consent but folks sho know they get it under false pretenses. That’s the stuff D’Andre is on…lol
D’Andre, boo…I’m a separate person from Grad Student. Just amazed that you called him gay when he tried to spin to you, how a real man does it. SMH
Chardonnay…pay For Real no mind…lol
Rell – why is it that people look down on women who get paid for sex but yet so many women give it up for free and get nothing in return, so in essence, who is more right or wrong?
For once, I AGREE!!!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
4:26 pm
@Rell, point taken. I forgot to mention that women are advertising on websites now for sex, especially on Craig’s List, which is filled with psychotic sickos, it is pathetic. Case scenario, I knew this guy right, and he told me that he went out one night to a local club here in Atlanta. He met a very attractive woman and they exchanged numbers and he was optimistic about getting to know her. When they got a chance to talk on the phone the next day, she told him that she would come over and have sex with him for $250. When he told me that, my thing was, she only thinks that she is worth $250? WTF? Who does that? You see, if a woman is degrading herself by being that cheap and obvious, that is why men think that they can use us and treat us like garbage! I mean really, $250 in this century, what the hell would that pay for? Not much! Anyhow, I am not agreeing with what she did, but things have really changed in society where women (and some men) are advertising online because they need money. Whatever happened to going to college and grad school to get an education, which the federal government most of the time will pay for (student loans, grants, etc)? Whatever happened to having an ambitious career goal like business or medicine or law? Have we become a society that wants everything so quick that we are willing to degrade ourselves to the lowest (and cheapest) to get it? Most women I know that are in relationships are unhappy because their boyfriend or spouse isn’t making enough money and he is not trying to do any better, rather, he wants to settle for a mediocre life of nothing, but yet those women continue to live that way in misery. The sad thing is that women allow this behavior and men accept it.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:28 pm
I would hope that all things of importance are discussed prior to doing the deed. To me, crossing that threshold means an added
dimension of what you currently have and already agreed upon
Agree, Cosign, Agree..that’s how it’s done
For Real
October 21st, 2009
4:29 pm
Daymmm you kinda violent aren’t you. Ass whipping and killing women but I called you Ripple cause you sound bitter. Now as far as all of that other stuff you wrote, I have no problem putting my creditial up again anyone on this blog in anyway you want you me to present them. So if you don’t like what I have to say do like the rest of the people and skip it. I don’t know you and you don’t know so puffing your chest out thru a keyboard is just silly.
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
4:31 pm
@ Rell,
you stated
**if you show me your friends and acquaintances I can tell who YOU are as a person.
- really…what da hell..so we all one collective mind….what if my friends are my family….folks are straight funny with the judgements…
**
It is statistically a FACT. Not me passing judgement. Why do you think birds of a feather flock together, the apple does not fall far from the tree sayings come from?
Your pay is with in 10% of your friends.
So if you are broke then your friends are probably broke too. If you are devoid of a Church like guess what… your friends probably are too.
You rarely see animals in the wild hanging out with different species. Not saying that money makes you better or worse… just saying… show me some things about you I can predict what kind of house your in, your education level, and bank account, or if you believe in HIM.
IWLDLK2DATE
October 21st, 2009
4:31 pm
I have read the posts and very glad I have not taken it there yet. I don’t think I could handle a guy taking it and throwing up the dueces.
I honestly believe I would be a stalker after that. Shoot I act like that after I kiss a guy and I have only done that four times in my life. So I can only imagine after sex.
mytw♥cents
October 21st, 2009
4:33 pm
On another note, I finally heard Usher’s new song, Papers. The words made me sad cuz I believed him when he said he intended to be a lifer once he took those vows. Selection processsssssssss…
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:33 pm
@ For real
Please read Ms.Main’s 4:26.
Thats what I’m referring to… false pretenses….
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:34 pm
I honestly believe I would be a stalker after that. Shoot I act like that after I kiss a guy and I have only done that four times in my life. So I can only imagine after sex.
Wow, I don’t know if I should laugh or be worried at that statement.
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
4:35 pm
@For Real, you are right, I do not know you, nor you me. I just thought that you could have summarized things without name-calling and being offensive; and I already made a comment on the “being bitter” thing, which was not my earlier intent. You just seem disrespectful, but maybe that was not your intent, a communications course may help you.
Needless to say, if I had to be anywhere near someone like you, I would rather shoot myself with my own 12-gage shotgun!!
Rell - da rake
October 21st, 2009
4:37 pm
men think that they can use us and treat us like garbage
- men dont care about the price…they treat you like garbage cause you smell like sh ..he cant see his reflection cause you moving your too much and only talking about garbage..thats why
Most women I know that are in relationships are unhappy because their boyfriend or spouse isn’t making enough money and he is not trying to do any better, rather, he wants to settle for a mediocre life of nothing, but yet those women continue to live that way in misery.
- NEWS FLASH…pls dont drank that kool-aid slim..those women are lazy ass hell and they are half h o n…if they want that life cannot they not create it for themselves which will bring the men from those circles into there lives…no what they do is get a dayum poodle and try to train it like a pit bull….they are stoopd and lazy…and fill with dayum drama..what are they waiting on…a man to provide them with the life of there dreams….huh…can you not see the f up logic there…and you cosigning with those lack luster broads…lol…stop right now pls…the problem is women feel they are entitled to something with out doing some work…i mean who sits around and waits on something….really…never ever think of cosigning with that bs there…come on slim, you were sounding real good couple post ago…did your thinking cap fall off?
KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)
October 21st, 2009
4:37 pm
@ For Real…I agree with your thought process from a general perspective. If it was that cut and dry life would definitely be easier. Sex is one of the few acts that can boost a person’s emotions and cause them to lose their rationale. Sex is one of the few acts that can make a person feel better about himself or herself. Sex is one of the few acts that can keep people in relationships that they know are bad for them. Sex is one of the few acts that men/women are willing to sell themselves out for at the risk of losing spouses and family. Sex is one of the acts that God meant for two people to share exclusively with one another and as a symbol of completion (through marriage). I respect your opinion on how our society views sex, but the reality is sex has the ability to destroy marriages, relationships and families if approached too casually. I speak not from a perspective of someone who doesn’t enjoy the act of sex because I did
. However, I just challenge people to assess themselves understanding the negative impact it has had on people’s lives and relationships (both men and women).
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
4:38 pm
@ Ms Main
It is natural for Dandre to start calling names. That is the first reaction when you have no logical debate you can put down.
In his world, he is counting up scores for some illusive game he will get zero bucks for, zero recognition (maybe high fives with buddies), zero long term gratification. I am building a legacy.
I want our people to do better. We need to start loving each other (not just sex) we need to understand how deep sex is and value each other so we can start working together.
I would venture to say a lot of the promiscuity is probably because for those few moments those people feel that someone “wants” them… instead of thinking about the long term implications.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
4:39 pm
I honestly believe I would be a stalker after that. Shoot I act like that after I kiss a guy and I have only done that four times in my life. So I can only imagine after sex.
***I am not being funny, but you need to keep it under lock and key (get an old school master lock and use a combination lock as a back up)until you know that you can handle what can happen once you share your greatness with someone else. For real do not do it because you do not want to be stalking and worrying folks. Stop kissing too!****
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
4:39 pm
still LOL @ For Real. and NO! on the cubic zirconia question. did you miss the posts on the “stubborn” topic? i explained my blog name there.
ciao!!!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:40 pm
@ Ms. Main
It’s close to the day ending.. so please laugh as I did!!!!!
a communications course may help you
lmao!!!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
4:40 pm
“If I am rapping to a woman…” you took me back to the 70’s with that one line.
Damn, IWldlk2Date – you know you have stalker tendencies and you want to date, but can’t. Do you think men can “smell” this type of perfume on you. WOW! Nothing wrong w/being honest w/oneself.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:41 pm
Dream_n, that why I said this morning at some point, do what you feel. Not all, but some men operate falsely. I’m not under the belief that the average man walks up to a woman and says, hey I’m out for azz…you down? There are waaay too many broken women. So, a woman finds a good man…do the needful. But to conform when most ain’t even on the up and up…uh uh. Take care of you (and him if he’s relationship worthy) but don’t get lost. One less statistic recovering 50 years down the road. Make sound choices as you move along. All won’t be good as it’s life but they certainly won’t be detrimental.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:43 pm
KP and Grad Student….kudos kudos and applaud!!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
4:44 pm
Dream_n…..I lauged…as I think she intended it to be funny.
IWLDLK2DATE
October 21st, 2009
4:45 pm
@ Profess and Ms. Main – yes I have not kissed anyone since 2006 the one time and I was a legal adult and regretted it.
Yes it would take a lot for me to handle to give away sex so I am sticking with giving it away in marriage. I couldn’t handle it any other way.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
4:46 pm
Shout out and welcome to all those that joined us today!
Ms. Chardonnay, Grad Student, D’Andre, Hef and KP. If I left out any names blame it on my head and not my heart. Is that not what the Preacher say…j/k?
….stepping out have a wonderful evening gang!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
4:47 pm
Im taking it there tonite
imma get in the shower,come out and ask her to come put lotion on me as i lay on the bed…
Her touch will arouse the beast in me!
good nite!!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
4:48 pm
Ms.Main
Hand clap to your 4:41…
If men actually did walk up to women with their ACTUAL agenda in hand they would be turned down more times than not!
IWLDLK2DATE
October 21st, 2009
4:48 pm
@ Leggs – I am trying to change the perfume honestly. No more goggling potential boyfriends, calling them at work, sending love letters. I stopped doing that two weeks ago.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
4:51 pm
I am trying to change the perfume honestly. No more goggling potential boyfriends, calling them at work, sending love letters. I stopped doing that two weeks ago. LMAO
On that note I am out!