We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
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307 comments Add your comment
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:07 pm
Chardonnay you sound young babygirl….I ain’t knocking you though.
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:09 pm
@ Melo, Hi again! Well first, I never said that I wanted to get married and I really don’t see that in my future, although others view that differently. I am still young and I have my whole life ahead of me. The only two things that are important to me right now are advancing my education and building a career for myself. As far as my personal life goes, relationships of any kind are not on my to-do list but that is not to say that I will not date. I just have my priorities where I think they need to be. I am not in the habit of laying on my back for someone else’s personal use and popping out babies every nine months. I do not have any children, or any STD’s or HIV/AIDS right now either and I am proud to be able to admit those things! Nor am I sleeping with some broke uneducated lazy bum who is using me for what is in between my thighs. I care more about myself, espeically health-wise, to not put myself in the position to have anyone’s child or get any diseases. When you have gone through the things that I have and have barely survived at the hands of a man, your outlook on life changes and you take nothing for granted. I was beaten and left for dead years ago by an ex-boyfriend, but I survived and I will never allow anyone to treat me that way again. I am not an insecure person with low self-esteem like so many other women. That was me ten years ago when I was a teenager, now, I value myself and I could care less about my dating/scoring card. My advice to people is that you will know when you are with the right person becsause they treat you well and they do not use you for anything or make demands on you; they allow you to be yourself. If someone is using another person for sex or money, I doubt it if that is the right relationship that they need to be in. If women would get more educated and look to well-paying careers, they would not need a man financially, and if men would stop letting their egos and penises take over, they would not have to use women for sex, but would look for something more meaningful after searching deep within themselves. But hey, those are my opinions and no one else’s!! I get a lot of flack for being opinionated, but I am never afraid to tell it like it is and be honest in what I feel. I am not someone that anyone can back into a corner, I’ll die first.
Angie aka Beautiful
October 21st, 2009
3:09 pm
hi ladies!
i had a good friend named Chris while i lived in GA. he is the reason for me not wanting to have male friends in my life. we took it there and this nicca feel in love!
i was very upset because our friendship meant a lot to me. so when he asked me to date him, i said no. he stopped contacting me . . . end of story.
i mees him.
(
Angie aka Beautiful
October 21st, 2009
3:09 pm
that was suppose to be a sad face.
KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)
October 21st, 2009
3:09 pm
@For Real…what took you so long to respond? I figured you’d have something creative to say. The moral of the story is this…
1. Know what you want
2. Identify a top prospect(s)
3. Confirm compatibility
4. Make a commitment
5. Get married
We both know that it doesn’t take men that long to make decisions on things we REALLY want. Those paddling in stagnant relationships are because one of the participants is holding for someone better or using a process of elimination to confirm comfort with the one he/she is with. Why should someone give their cookie or dizzle away to someone who doesn’t have their long-term best interest in mind? That’s what prostitutes are for right???
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:11 pm
@Ms. Main, I am 26 and proud of it!! I’ll be 27 next March. Pisces rocks!! I have so much more to learn and I want to. But not many people would admit that they do!!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
3:12 pm
Excuse me!?…..Eli is you cheatin’ on me?…..
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:12 pm
Hey Angie. So that particular friend proved to be not so true after all. That’s his loss. Don’t let that stop you from having male friends. They can be a great source of insight and support. (although our blog brothers have made it clear they will secretly want to *&#^ you).
Angie aka Beautiful
October 21st, 2009
3:14 pm
hey Brat! i’m done with male friends. i can def live w/o their azzes.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:15 pm
Chardonnay…good for you. Learning is a good thing.
MR. Unknown
October 21st, 2009
3:16 pm
If you wait 7-8 months to get said pus*,, and you only see her once or twice in a week,, there should be some red flags going up,, You are in the friend zone, with a possibility of hitting… I tried that ish as an adult for 6 months and felt stupid about it at the end… I found myself being the emotional pillow guy for her to lay all her baggage on… I bounced on her quick and fast, after I started asking myself WTF are youuuu doing!!
Angie aka Beautiful
October 21st, 2009
3:16 pm
Alvin/Demi is my only male friend. and that’s cuz we haven’t met in person. giggle
Angie aka Beautiful
October 21st, 2009
3:18 pm
yea. i guess i do have a male friend after all. *shrug*
Hef
October 21st, 2009
3:18 pm
Chardonnay-I’m a few years older than you,with another in 2 weeks,I learn something new daily! Whether by choice or from others,knowledge is fruit to my brain, and I love me some fruit!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:19 pm
@Ms. Main. Thanks for saying something positive. I never want to give people the impression that I have all the answers because I don’t. I can only speak on my experiences, in which many have been negative and horrifying. But life is a beautiful thing and we only get to be here for a short time. In spite of adversity, I still have a positive outlook on life and everything that I want, I will get in it’s own time!!! Have a great afternoon!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:20 pm
Angie …. ahhh. what would we do without our cyberworld???
Lurker
October 21st, 2009
3:20 pm
I hear some bitter chick undertones coming from Chardonnay…. Staceye, is that you? Where you been girl, we miss you! lol
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:21 pm
@ Hef, see, younger generations need to stick togther because older people think we have no sense of direction or values, which is sooooooooooo not true!!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
3:21 pm
Chardonnay..yah..u went waaay deep.
thanx..imma leave that alone.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
3:22 pm
@ Willie D
I can respect your 3:01…
Why is MR. Unknown 3:16 funny azz hell to me…
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:22 pm
^together
D'Andre
October 21st, 2009
3:23 pm
Chardonnay, I hear the hurt in your voice and understand that physical abuse is never acceptable (S&M stuff excepted). It’s your body & mind, and yours to use as you will, but I hope that you won’t judge men too harshly just because we want sex for pleasure where you might need more. It’s just who we are and who we were made to be.
Now, much as some women try, men can’t be “women with a different package.” That ain’t who we are. We’re men and just like you see physical difference, you can bet there are mental differences to us. Men crave sex for pleasure ’cause we gonna be pleasured each time. It ain’t wrong for a man to be that way and we ain’t dogs just ’cause we are.
I hope you find what(who) you’re lookin’ for.
Women just need to understand that we can’t be changed but we can accomodate you.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
3:24 pm
She does sound young in that post.
@Char ~ (I shorten just about everybody’s name). Good head on your shoulders, and I am thankful you’re still gracing Earth. You learned a a lesson the hard way. You survived! {{{hugs}}}
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
3:25 pm
Dandre @ 2:58
Nah Bruh. Do not lump us real men into your boyish ways.
You said “When a man’s in “hunt” mode, he’s lookin’ to be satisfied. It’s just in a man’s nature to crave sexual satisfaction with little concern for the female”
A real man knows if you HUNT to satisfy a woman you will be taken care of ten fold.
You have been fooled. It is in OUR nature to be the protectors of our women. The only hunt we should do is for more scraps to put on the table dude.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:25 pm
Chardonnay, nothing wrong with expressing your beliefs and upbringing. Like I said you sound young but not negative. A bit green I’d say but hey it’s the same amount of green for anyone in their twenties…if that’s any consolation to you…lol Keep your head up, loving, living, learning (please have take aways from your experiences) and you’ll find yourself sprouting to be quite a fine woman. I know…a bit bragadocious probably but I’m not retracting…lol
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
3:25 pm
@ Chardonnay
I don’t think they think we don’t have any values or sense, but as I had to realize and have to admit… Experience can be the best teacher. While we are in our tender yrs, those that have been through our situations already and have learned can guve us some helpful tips on how to not fall back again…
I give special thanx to my blog oldies for that!!!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:25 pm
@Lurker, no I don’t think that I am bitter, but I guess I seem to come off that way at times. But as I always say, people can only speak from their own personal experiences. But if I come off as bitter, that is not my intent I assure you. I just have a different perspective on where my priorites should be and where they are, but I am not against relationships or anything like that. There is a time and place for everything, and before embarking on any journey, you have to know why you are going there in the first place, that’s all I’m saying!!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:27 pm
A real man knows if you HUNT to satisfy a woman you will be taken care of ten fold. You have been fooled. It is in OUR nature to be the protectors of our women. The only hunt we should do is for more scraps to put on the table dude.
Grad Student…great comments
Hef
October 21st, 2009
3:27 pm
Chardonnay-Sorry,did’nt mean anything by what I said. To me age has nothing to do with knowledge,we should all want it. No disrespect was intended.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
3:28 pm
That was suppose to say she DOESN’T sound young in that post. These dang contacts!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:28 pm
@ Ms. Main, thanks for the inspiration!! People need to hear things like that. You should be a motivational speaker or write a book for young women like myself!! We sooooooooo need people like you to say things like that!! Thanks, I’m going to write down what you said and tape it to my mirror!!
For Real
October 21st, 2009
3:28 pm
KP: Sorry it took me so long but Ripple had me laughing. Anyway, that may be the moral of your story but it is not mines. – “Why should someone give their cookie or dizzle away to someone who doesn’t have their long-term best interest in mind? That’s what prostitutes are for right???” – There are so many flaws in your point.
1. If you use sex as a barometer to determine who has your best interest in mind, then you are knocking down more azz than you let on. Sex or no sex, I can either good for you or bad for you period. Thus, the question must be asked “What does sex have to do with your best interest?”
2. Prostitutes are for several things:
a. stimulate the economy
b. keep crime down (dudes not having sex is kinda violent)
c. something to do while you are waiting to have sex with Ripple
d. give non-prostitues (those not getting any money from the man they are sexing) someone to talk about
e. something to do while you waiting on the mutual fund to mature
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:29 pm
@ Hef, none taken!!!!
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
3:30 pm
For Real – Classic, do we get a recap today for ol time sake?
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:30 pm
Chardonnay I don’t think anyone on this blog has implied you have no direction or values. And Hef’s input has been appreciated here. Those of us who have a few years on you (”older people” to you) are still learning, too. We’re not dead yet!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
3:31 pm
something to do while you waiting on the mutual fund to mature
usa fool For Real
Hef
October 21st, 2009
3:32 pm
Chardonnay-Cool & Love Life! Have a great evening to all
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
3:32 pm
something to do while you waiting on the mutual fund to mature
I’m done!!! lmao!!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:32 pm
@ Leggs, thanks!! Let me remind everyone that it is October and it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month!! I survived and so can other people in that situation. If a man hits you once, it will happen again!! Never stay! ….I sound like an infomercial but it needs to be said!
Hef
October 21st, 2009
3:34 pm
One last thing before I head home to my BEAUTIFULL Wife to be,SMILES are a BEATIFULL thing!!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:35 pm
Chardonnay
@ Ms. Main, thanks for the inspiration!! People need to hear things like that. You should be a motivational speaker or write a book for young women like myself!! We sooooooooo need people like you to say things like that!! Thanks, I’m going to write down what you said and tape it to my mirror!!
Awwwwww…..you big BLOG HUG to you as well…little sister
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:35 pm
That was supposed to read….”a big blog hug…”
D'Andre
October 21st, 2009
3:37 pm
Grad, you think you’re protectin’ a woman for no reason but to protect them? Who you kiddin’? You protectin’ it for yourself or you are gay or “lite”. Now, I got nothin’ against that but you can’t speak for others. I wish you no harm, just speakin’ truth.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
3:41 pm
Chardonnay….see told ya…the same amount of green. Read D’Andre’s post to Grad Student. He missed the lesson. Which is easiest? Chasing azz from 10 different women or finding one good one, do right by her and get treated royally ten times over? Same amount of green.
KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)
October 21st, 2009
3:44 pm
@ For Real…good counter argument. It goes back to the original blog question for today. Why do things change once the ‘goods’ have been exchanged? It goes back to a difference in mindset. Sex is often viewed as an act that signifies that a relationship is growing closer (by women) and an act of accomplishment (by men). However, I wonder how many people would actually proceed forward in the giving of themselves if the man/woman they are with told him/her they would be gone within 3 weeks to 2 months? I’m sure many would reconsider…at least more women would reconsider. I do recognize there are women who operate with the mindset of men and simply want to get their ‘O’ off, but they are the exception and not the norm.
Nice, comical response to my prostitute comment…LOL.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
3:45 pm
D’Andre
You’re just like a white person trying to dance (no offense seriously!!! lol)… you keep dodging the beat… in this case the point being made!
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
3:46 pm
@czBrat, no, I was not speaking of anyone on this blog in regards to older people. I was just generalizing because I have heard people in their 50s and 60s say things about people of my generation which are just not true. They usually refer to what they see on TV, in the magazines, and what they hear on the radio, which is only a small representation of certain people. I have heard people say that those of my generation have no values for certain things like education and relationships and that could not be farther from the truth. There are plenty of successful and educated young women who have their ducks in a row, but they are not willing to settle for anything less than what they think they deserve and they have common sense. I can’t say that I know a lot of young women like that, but there are plenty out there who have great futures ahead of them. I do not want to be in that category when people do genralize on things like that, I have no desire to be in the entertainment industry, I like to watch them from afar!! But these days, people will do anything to get on TV, it is ridiculous!!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
3:50 pm
LOL @Dream_n schooling D’Andre!
D'Andre
October 21st, 2009
3:54 pm
Main, Grad and any other names you might post under,
The “oldest profession” says it all – been that way a lo-o-o-o-ong time, and for a lot of men it still is. We can accomodate each other but all the rest is just the bs we use to get what we want. I can’t speak for all men, but those I can speak for some who’ve been around a long time.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
3:56 pm
The oldest profession is really, thievery!