We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
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307 comments Add your comment
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
1:48 pm
Yeah, you can just tell the server that you will be paying the $5.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:52 pm
@ Tazzee
See that’s why I think something is wrong with me lol… I love love.. I love hearing about love stories.. I love to see weddings.. I am a love freak. As soon as marriage creeps in I’m like HELLZ NO!!… I remember my current asked me “when are you going to marry me’.. I told him you better not even ask…
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
1:53 pm
SexyC it’s funny you mention that he hates white people. i think i just recently read that his wife is white??? he is definitely blunt with it, but i can’t help laughing at everything he says. i’m looking forward to it.
Melo
October 21st, 2009
1:58 pm
@Melo, there were a slew of gems in both her posts!
Leggs,True…..
we all know the right thing to do even tho the “bad” stuff is so sexciting.
I used to enjoy stealing and eating my grandma’s ground nuts seed,everytime i came home from school in the afternoons,waaaay back when,growing up
Daaaamn,those nuts were good,knowing i shure stole them
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
2:02 pm
czB – I had to go back and read what I wrote. I actually said that he “does not LIKE white people” which even after I posted that I considered coming back and correcting that with he does not APPEAR to like white people.
Hell, it could all just be a part of his act and what gets him paid.
I mean, think about it, look at Richard Pryor’s comedic style and career. If you took his ‘act’ for his truth, then you would think that he didn’t like white people in spite of his white wife. (Oh, and I did hear that Mooney’s wife was white but don’t know if it’s true or not.)
Professor---My Christmas shopping is almost done!!!!
October 21st, 2009
2:02 pm
@Leggs…holla they used to call me that in the second grade through about college…I was 40 pounds forever
***** I visualized Olive Oil with that muscle post.*****
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:06 pm
oops! my bad. you’re right. i was waaaaay too strong on choice of words.
Professor---My Christmas shopping is almost done!!!!
October 21st, 2009
2:06 pm
I did not know Mooney had a white wife, I always thought he had “cookies” in his pocket or was “happy”
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
2:09 pm
I too was saddle with the Olive Oyl name for years.
AND LMAO!!! MND says some dudes at work were messing with for going to see the ‘gay’ comedian.
~lol~
And with that…time to go ride the stirrups so that I can finally EAT!!!!
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
2:09 pm
Dream_n – I think that may be because your current is not the man that you want to marry. You probably love love – when it’s right and because you know that it’s not right with him, you don’t want to marry him. When the right guy comes along you’ll love the fact that you found the love that you love so much.
czBrat – I’m like you, I can’t help but laugh at him. When he was on the TJMS talking about the whole Kanye West/Beyonce’/Taylor Swift ordeal – I had to laugh. I had never thought about it in that context but I had to admit he had a point.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:11 pm
hmmm. and he’s been talking quite a bit about how much he wrote for pryor. interesting. i think you may be right about it being for the act and the payday. even better, if u ask me.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
2:11 pm
Taz – that was a part of his act last night – He says the he is KWest’s biggest fan.
Babs
October 21st, 2009
2:13 pm
Sex is overrated. At some point in a relationship sex is secondary. The question is can you sit across from that person the next morning and talk over a cup of coffee?
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
2:14 pm
I don’t drink coffee. So, I’m going to need the sex. ~teasing~
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
2:19 pm
I do not think that sex should be introduced too early in a relationship because there are too many issues that could arise from it. I think when sex happens too early, it gives men the idea that they can use women sexually without doing much else to maintain the relationship, and that is just NOT cool at all. But as my Mom always says “Find a fool, use them.” I do think that sex a lot of the time complicates things for people who barely know each other. I think that adults have to be mature and know what they want. I don’t believe in the casual sex thing, but if two people agree to only be sexual partners with no emotional and relationship ties, then to each his own. I think that as women we need to know better. If I had to put a time stamp on it, if I am dating someone, I would wait maybe 7-8 months or preferrably longer to introduce sex into the relationship. People need to spend more time getting to know one another first before becoming intmate, and women need to have higher standards when seeking mates. Sex should not be important when you first meet someone and are getting to know them; in the beginning it should be about the person and what they bring to the relationship and what kind of relationship they want. I have told men this before and I will say it again, if you want sex, get a prostitute!!!! Money is no problem because some of them are very cheap (LOL)! I wouldn’t be though (LMAO)!!! No disrespect to prostitutes though; everyone is flawed in some way.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:19 pm
@Babs yeah. i can. but if the sex ain’t good i’m gonna have to sit with my back to him. :O (j/k)
KP (http://www.chatkafeonline.com)
October 21st, 2009
2:19 pm
Good afternoon peeps! I usually peep in from afar and have kept quiet in order to keep peace on the MIA site. However, I have to publicly acknowledge Tazzee’s post as being on point. Also, Truth nailed it on the dead too with his “For a lot of guys taking it “there” means the end of the relationship and move on to the next woman. On the other side there are a lot of woman doing the same thing these days.”
I’d like to also give you this…
Your sex should be viewed as a mutual fund that gets better and matures over time. All of the relationships you participate in should allow the experiences to mature you in preparation for the one you marry. Upon marrying Mr./Mrs. Right, he or she gets to redeem the full value of the fund along with interest. Unfortunately, too many men/women are allowing others to withdraw prematurely and without valid long-term access privileges. They’re giving away million-dollar fund benefits to people who have only contributed $2.00 to their overall value (dinner, movies, purse, bills paid, etc.). Sex isn’t a bad thing, but it was never created to be shared with everyone. Men ‘give’ and women ‘receive’ during the act and when there is a disconnect/breakup…it definitely leaves a void!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
2:20 pm
I wonder why the men became scarce on this topic…. *shrugs*
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
2:23 pm
The last time I went to see Paul Mooney – my friend and I sat right up front. There were many times when we were the only one’s in the place laughing.
czBrat – if you see a table of 4 ladies with two cracking up when no one else is – that’s probably us, LOL.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:24 pm
ok Tazzee, so you and i will be the ones at uptown tonight ashamed to be laughing so hard at such rude comedy!
Babs
October 21st, 2009
2:25 pm
An old saying goes,why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
abc
October 21st, 2009
2:26 pm
I think Mooney is a bit of a horse’s azz, but he’s been successful for a long time — he’s 68 years old, after all — I figure you compare him to Richard Pryor because he was Pryor’s writer for stand-up and some movies.
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
2:26 pm
Hey KP – I like that mutual fund analogy.
Off to a meeting for the rest of the afternoon. Have a great day folks!!!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:26 pm
Good question Dream_n. Where’s Swiss, Poppa, DK???? you think they’ll echo what For Real & Melo have said?
For Real
October 21st, 2009
2:28 pm
For Real now slapping the ish out of Babs for medicinal purposes.
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
2:31 pm
We have taken it there now what?
Well if your the Girl that got with me after MJQ.. I did not even ask your name.
WOMEN. Do not go into the deal unless the path you are searching for is in front of you. A piece is not going to keep a man now or never.
MEN. Be upfront with these women as to your intentions. If you want a cut buddy TELL Them. If you want to just cut and chill TELL them.
There is nothing worse than being DOCTOR Phil for every woman you come across.
Melo
October 21st, 2009
2:35 pm
sex is never secondary for me…its on my forehead….i dont get it,i rebel….
the ultimate punishment that one can ever gimme is to take my dizzle away or make it dysfunctional.
Man cant and wont live on lick lick alone
Chardonnay?? if i think u that good, i may wait 7/8 months but i will get some on the side and sly.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
2:38 pm
For Real
You are a freak’n comedian!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
2:39 pm
@Dream_n, December 9th.
Grad student
October 21st, 2009
2:40 pm
@Chardonnay your 2:19 post
Did your Mom really tell you “Find a fool, use them.”
Do not get offensive just think about what I am saying
If I found a fool and stayed around long enough to use them guess what I am doing now. I am becoming a fool also. The more fools you go through your life trying to “trick” the more you will realize that waisted time brought down your stock and did something to your psyche. That same find a fool and trick-em mentality keeps some men jumping from bed to bed.
Since I was 16 I made it a point to ONLY… (most of the time) deal with women who I have a bond with and I can vibe with and not just because they are hot. I tried the just because your a world wide recognized beauty thing and nothing is better than good ole chemistry!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:43 pm
Enter your comments here
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:44 pm
LMAO @ For Real
Lurker
October 21st, 2009
2:45 pm
Get the heck on and stay the heck gone
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
2:46 pm
Leggs
My fellow December buddy!
lol
I’m December 27th & the lil one is Dec 3.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
2:48 pm
KP: So let me make sure I got this right, I’m suppose to put money (time, energy, money) into a mutual fund (sex/chick) and let it mature (no sex) for 5 or 10 yrs depending on the maturation date. Then at the end of maturity I cash out the mutual fund (marry then have sex). Which means the mutual fund then will be able to legally take my money and property all because of sex? – For Real now slapping the hell out of KP for medicinal purposes.
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
2:48 pm
@ Melo, good point. That is the issue that some women run into when they wait for a more appropriate time to have sex—a man will sleep with somebody else if a woman is making him wait 7-8 months or longer for sex. I have run into that problem, but I lay everything out on the table very early because I am direct and assertive and I don’t tolerate any s%$# from anyone. If a man is going to write you off or become upset because he can’t get you in the sack when he wants, what does that say about his character? I’m worth a lot more than a quick f%*$ and half the time men have no clue what they are doing anyway (LOL), which is why millions of women are sexually dissatisfied and fake orgasms to make a man feel like he is actually doing something, but he really sucks in bed and his little d$*& and small pockets will not keep women around!! But overall, I just think that people should be cautious, I mean really, I am more concerned about young women and their self-esteem when they embark on relationships that are built around sex, it makes no sense to me at all, but we all get to be young, mess up, and then learn from our mistakes. I’m still young but I know my worth and I know that if a man only wants sex from me, then he needs to keep on walking in the opposite direction!!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
2:48 pm
Get the heck on!
u mean on ur puddyPad(as in helipad) Lurker???
Melo
October 21st, 2009
2:54 pm
Chardonnay??
i get ur 2.48.
When and where do u strike the right balance..at what point do u give him his props so he can shake it off??
what do u want to see be4 u can seal the deal??
Be4 u go there,how intimate can u go…some here have said in the past that oral aint that intimate so they can let him lick lick,does that apply to u??
u been maried be4??
How far do u go sexually, with a guy u intimate with, be4 u get married??
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
2:57 pm
For Real
SMH @ your 2:48… comical
Chardonnay
October 21st, 2009
2:57 pm
@Grad student, you misunderstood me, as people normally do!! When my mother always says “Find a fool, use them,” she was not talking to me directly, she was generalizing about how people use others for their own personal gain. Her point was that if someone is dumb enough to allow another person to use them in any kind of way, then that is what they get. I see it all the time with women especially. They allow men to use them sexually and they get nothing in return but heartache, and yet they complain about the man. Well here is a thought, if you are with someone that is not good enough for you and you are unhappy, in my opinion, you leave. I am not about to tolerate anyone using me or abusing or mistreating me, point, blank, period. Life is too short for bulls%$*!! I see people in unhappy relationships all the time and I wonder why they are staying when they can do so much better. You get what you settle for, and a smart woman is not about to settle for some bum who just wants to use her, no matter what he chooses to use her for.
Some men treat women like royalty and others treat them like pure garbage, at some point, as women, we have to come upon a realization and be able to differentiate between the two!!
D'Andre
October 21st, 2009
2:58 pm
When a man’s in “hunt” mode, he’s lookin’ to be satisfied. It’s just in a man’s nature to crave sexual satisfaction with little concern for the female. In “hunt” mode, a woman ain’t no different than a man’s hand – you are just an alternate means to “choke the chicken”. (P.S. – this is one way to avoid sexual intercourse if you’re unsure).
But, hey, we don’t live in the jungle anymore so men try to be more civilized with women. But it’s hard to do all the times. Again, it’s not necessarily in our nature to be concerned. Some men are better at accomodating a woman and staying with her (may depend on the example set by his mother) other men got little concern except to get off.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
2:59 pm
“some here have said in the past that oral aint that intimate” Really, someone actually said that. WOW!
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
2:59 pm
the men are now chiming in. i’m luvin it!
Elijah ....
October 21st, 2009
2:59 pm
Good Afternoon!
Does the frequency of contact, level of communication factor into the deal-closing decision at all? Can the time frame be altered depending on the quality of the ‘courtship!
I totally agree with this statement! When I am in frequent contact and communication with a cougar I will pound (le flesh) extremely early.
Dream-N….The word pound is for you!
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
3:01 pm
See here is where it gets tricky. A real stand-up dude even when he has the right intentions will tire of a chick with a defined waiting period. I mean if dude not pressuring and everything is going right, all due diligence has been done, met the folks and everything. Oh but its only been 4-6 months. I have to wait until 7-8 months. Even real dudes will bounce. Like someone said if I wait 8 months but we only see each other 1-2 a week but if I see 4-5 times a week in 4 months who’s really getting to know each other. I know it sounds better to come on the blog and tell erybody he has to wait 8 months before you giving up your Gold.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:01 pm
Dream_n out of respect for you i will refrain from commenting on Chardonnay’s “I’m still young” statement.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:02 pm
LMAO @ Leggs!!!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
3:04 pm
Elijah lol… I cringed when I read that word!
czBrat lmao @ your 3:01…. thank you…
For Real
October 21st, 2009
3:05 pm
Ripple: Let me see if I understand what you are saying… You meet dude, You and dude like each other, then you tell dude who you just met 2wks ago that he cannot have sex with anyone for 7 to months? Wow and I bet you would kick him in the chin if he asked you to cook dinner for him every night for 7 to 8 months.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
3:06 pm
but can i just say to you that it was obvious long before i got that far in her post.