We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
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307 comments Add your comment
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:19 pm
have seen some dudes give these women everything and end up hurt too
Me too Professor… it’s really sad to see the hurt and anguish.. i told my girl that she better be careful cause she may get hurt one day.
@Sassy … whoa.. teaching that to your child… that’s krazy… but hey to each its own..
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:21 pm
Sassy,
Me too, I always wondered why the men don’t realize they can’t have any if they don’t pay the light bill….WTH
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
12:22 pm
I always wonder about people who look really, really aged. I’m like, “What in dahell happened in your life to make you look so worn down? Was it drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices like living hard and bad relationships?”
Hard lives, hard living and hard hearts show up in your face and on your body.
(It is something that I keep in mind when I am out drinking socially with my friends and one of the reasons that I do not drink more than once or twice a week.)
Melo
October 21st, 2009
12:23 pm
Irespect my body! I can’t tell another grown person about how to respect their body
MsMain..re:11.34..that post by Dream_n sums up a man;s view point.
No man is gon tell u what to do with ur body..its urs.But they sure will capitalize on ur liberal or non liberal ways as regards sexx,jus for their pleasure.
Yes,a man may wax lyrical about how the draws aint the be-all-end-all to the relationship,coz really,they are trying to see if u can fall for that suckker punch and give him some.Its all about instant gratification coz for a man,when hes horny,he horny,dude wants to eat.
So really,i aint gon to tell u the best way to respect ur body coz telling u might jeopadize my chances of getting it.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:23 pm
OMG, why the corns have to start hurting.
I had two great belly laughs already and it’s only 12:20. This same chick was doing 2 brothers behind each others back. Lived with one of the brothers. When he went to jail, she moved the other brother in. I don’t like the word “broad”, but that title has always fit her and when I hear that word I always think of her!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:24 pm
puddy was made of gold.
lmao!! I almost choked on my macaroni!
Sassy: The guys my friends deal with are some what unattractive, but well endowed in both areas (money/you know the other one) lol…. One in particular likes to show my girl off when they go out. She’s a looker and it makes him feel confidant. (that’s what i think)
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
12:24 pm
When I say sex does not deepen out connection I’m simply saying that I don’t suddenly become attached to him just because we’re intimate. That deeper connection happens for me as we continue the getting-to-know-you process. Notice, Professor, “continue” not “begin”! LOL
For the record, I’m in my 40s and have had only 3 partners; each I knew for months (or years) before taking that step. I am by no means promiscuous. For me, the emotional bond grows as the relationship progresses in ALL it’s intimate aspects.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:26 pm
I always wondered why the men don’t realize they can’t have any if they don’t pay the light bill
Say it again Professor!!!!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:27 pm
@SexyC ~ no doubt hard living/partying definitely ages a person. However, some just have hard lives and stress will age you faster than anything on the street! My sister is 2 years older than me, but she looks a good 10 years older than me. The mean streets of NY can do that to a person.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:27 pm
@Leggs…LOL on the corns when I typed it I was giggling, too. I don’t know where that came from. Dang she sounds like a broad for real.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:29 pm
“She’s a looker and it makes him feel confidant. (that’s what i think)” You’re probably right. He’s walking with his head held high, a little c o c k e d (blog machine doesn’t like those letters all together) to the side exuding the unspoken words of “yeah, I pulled this litle cutie right here!”
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:30 pm
I will tell any man that if a woman needs you to take care of the basics you better run! Now, please don’t get me wrong if she becomes ill or something like that…that is different. If she needs you to pay basic phone bills, cable bills, light bills, food etc. well you don’t have much of nothing. A woman should be able to take care and provide for herself and not dangle her drawers to get the basics paid for.
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
12:30 pm
Afternoon folks!
I definitely think sex changes things and I don’t it has to do with the emotional value ‘we’ place on it. I believe that it’s totally in our make-up and no matter how progressive we women become – it’s still there. Yes, we can become numb to it over a period of time – kind of like callouses on our hands…but the way we were created results in a woman ‘receiving’ a man during the act. We actually take the man into our bodies and when he leaves – there’s a bit of emptiness where he once was. I don’t think I’m the only one that experiences this.
After this occurs – we long to be filled again because sex was created to be a joining of a man and a woman in the physical sense. When Adam and Eve were cursed in the garden, the curse upon the women not only included the pain in childbirth but that we would desire our husband and he shall rule over you. I’m not professing to be an expert on this but I believe this to relate directly to what happens after we join ourselves with a man.
It is with this belief that I truly believe my body is a temple (well that, and the fact that the scripture says it is) that must be honored and protected.
When I first had sex with my fiance’ it was because I wanted to give him more of me. It wasn’t for pleasure because my past experiences had me convinced that sex wasn’t all that great.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:33 pm
@CZ I hear ya on that 12:24!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
12:33 pm
(money/you know the other one
Dream_n?? so u and ur girls had a viewing party tgether??
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:37 pm
@Tazzee now that is real talk…well stated you got me over here thinking
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:37 pm
@Professor – you got mail. But, I like your descriptive play on words this morning.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:37 pm
@ Leggs
lol..
You should see him…pulling up to her house… with money in hand lmao!!!!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:38 pm
Melo, I wasn’t necessarly honing in on respecting my body because that’s not a speech I need to make. That’s a code I live by. I was speaking from a perspective of doing you, as we’re all different because if you’re swaying to the beat SPECIFICALLY of a man’s drum and some of the thing For Real posted, more than likely you won’t get it right no way. If you cool with handing out the goods…do that. If you’re cool rationing…do that….just do you. Some men say they’re cool with going straight to it and is not bothered by such. Some men say they’re old fashioned and like to take it a bit slower and can be taken aback if given early on. A woman needs to guage for herself what works versus not….all the while finding balance, if in a relationship…because catering to someone’s every whim or confirming to every tide is a lose lose for the her.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
12:38 pm
Professor you ain’t right…lol…but that shole is the truth. I’m like helloooooo if you don’t pay on sumthin’ in the house then you can’t have the cookie and yet some men still can’t connect those dots to see the bigger picture.
Dream I’ve seen that,too and my friend that tried to teach that to her daughter likes em fugly for sure and in those cases I know the men have to know the deal….they have to.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:40 pm
conforming to every tide is what I meant
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:40 pm
Melo
I hate to admit, but she got pics and I did look… while trying to cover my eyes lol…
@ Tazee:
Think I’m going to have to sit and let the below sentence sink in…
We actually take the man into our bodies and when he leaves – there’s a bit of emptiness where he once was.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:40 pm
@Tazzee, Well stated!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:42 pm
That’s really sad, Dream_n. Both are being played and neither one is being respected. He sure doesn’t respect her cuz he knows if he didn’t dish out the dollar bills his arse would be gone. Tricks all the way around!
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
12:43 pm
Professor – I’m already a very emotional, sensitive person. That’s just my make-up so the act of joining myself with another person is MAJOR for me. I don’t knock women that can have sex without the emotional attachment, in some ways I admire them because they retain the power. But I know that when I do it – I will desire the man and in some ways, he will rule over me – not in the controlling, ‘come here woman’ sense. But in that my emotional state will be attached to him in some form or fashion. That is why I wanted to make sure the man that I joined with would be careful with that power.
I’ve always said that I wanted to love a man to the point where I would commit a felony for him – but that man would be the type that would never ask me to do that…if that makes sense.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:44 pm
Thanks Leggs!
lol..
You should see him…pulling up to her house… with money in hand lmao!!!!
@Dream_n Correction: he flies over there with his cape on because he is trying to save her. I know she is playing him like Madden or she probably can if she wanted to and he would still fly over there with the “BIG FACE hundreds!”
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
12:47 pm
I hear ya leggs/prof
I told her that she needs to cut it out, but at some point you just have to wash your hands and let grown folks handle their own business…
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:48 pm
@Tazzee, you deep this morning. Had to go back and read your 12:30 post for a second time!
Melo
October 21st, 2009
12:50 pm
I’ve always said that I wanted to love a man to the point where I would commit a felony for him – but that man would be the type that would never ask me to do that
now thats Rich……
why I wanted to make sure the man that I joined with would be careful with that power
so many goodies in ur post!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:51 pm
@Tazzee I can see where you are coming from and I am a lot like that as well.
You are correct the women that can do it with no attachment…there is some power there and I respect them as well…I am guess that is where I get wimpy and my muscles go down instead of up like the cartoons.
Lurker2
October 21st, 2009
12:54 pm
When I first had sex with my fiance’ it was because I wanted to give him more of me. It wasn’t for pleasure because my past experiences had me convinced that sex wasn’t all that great.
DArn Tazz & you how old and never had great sex, wow..sorry
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
12:59 pm
Don’t mean to be all deep y’all, it’s just some things that I believed to be true before I got back in the game and I definitely know to be true for me now that I’m back in it.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:05 pm
Okay so ladies.. let’s go back tothe original question:
We held out.. we learned the person.. and now we felt comfortable to give ourselves to out mate…
We took it there, now what???
What if things start going left, or it wasn’t as good as you thought it would be….?
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:08 pm
or he wasn’t as inpressed as
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
1:09 pm
We held out.. we learned the person.. and now we felt comfortable to give ourselves to out mate…
We took it there, now what???
@Dream_n hopefully you continue to move forward and the terms of agreement you all had before the big O are still in place…progress forward.
If things start going left…peace out! If it is not good, well I AM the PROFESSOR, so I will have to give a private lesson or two.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:09 pm
hit enter to fast….
he wasnt as impressed as you thought he would be.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
1:10 pm
Off topic: I was trying to wait unil Thursday or Friday for my wings, but I want some today!
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
1:15 pm
Professor!!! you and those dern wings… I’m going to try to make it through the weekend without any. I hope they don’t have lemon pepper wings on the menu at Uptown tonight.
Dream_n – we took it there now what? For me, moving forward to the wedding date
Seriously, I have to echo Professor – hopefully the relationship just gets sweeter. In the past, I was guilty of trying to hold on to a bad relationship with a guy I had sex with because we’d had sex. Sort of like folks hanging in there for the kids, but not as deep.
The Truth
October 21st, 2009
1:15 pm
For a lot of guys taking it “there” means the end of the relationship and move on to the next woman. On the other side there are a lot of woman doing the same thing these days.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
1:16 pm
…stepping out to pick up my wings!
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
1:16 pm
Taz – They do.
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
1:27 pm
SCool – DANG!! I shall be strong tonight I think. The sad thing is, it’s hard to get a good salad at places like that. What did you get with your two item minimum?
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
1:30 pm
Taz – I almost always eat before I get there and usually just order two bottles of water.
Last night, I had mozarella sticks and the bottle water. However, it will be the last time I order those sticks. They were horrible.
But really, and I somehow never think about it, it’s just cheaper to pay the $5 charge.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
1:34 pm
@Professor, I visualized Olive Oil with that muscle post.
@Melo, there were a slew of gems in both her posts!
Hey Truth. When you coming back? I’ll take you out for some drinks!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:35 pm
For me, moving forward to the wedding date
Tazzee.. question..
Have you always wanted to get married?
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
1:37 pm
Leggs
When in December will you be celebrating your b/day??
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
1:42 pm
What if things start going left, or it wasn’t as good as you thought it would be….?
Dream_n that’s why sex can’t be the ‘be all, end all’ of a relationship. you two should have had an emotional bond before taking that physical step. it’s that bond that will keep you growing closer while you work out your sexual chemistry. of course, for those that are just casually enjoying the experience, the let-down is the perfect opportunity to move on.
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
1:42 pm
SCool – I didn’t know there was a $5 charge, I might have to do that if I can get off work in time to eat before I go.
The Dogfighter Returns
October 21st, 2009
1:44 pm
It’s the hunt that is exciting, the kill (sex) is merely the inevitable culmination of displaying superior hunting skills, which must be repeated over and over again.
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 21st, 2009
1:44 pm
Dream_n – I have always wanted to get married and for most of my adult life I wanted kids. Late last year/early this year I started to think that, while I wanted to get married, perhaps it wasn’t going to happen. That’s when I started asking ‘what’s really in it for me?’ But even in all that questioning and doubt – I still wanted to get married.
I remember when I was about your age – I just knew I’d be married by age 28 and having my first child by age 30….