We took it there, now what?
It doesn’t matter what kind of modern day dating mantra single people chant, sex changes a situation. Whether you admit it or not, something is happening in the aftermath of an encounter.
It can get frustrating because we don’t always understand the “whys’ and the “whats” that are involved after you are intimate with someone. What do you think changes after sex has been introduced in a dating relationship?
I would say that the primary reason things change for women is the emotional value we assign to it. In a lot of cases, it appears to not match the guy’s level of emotion, which in turn brings on a different set of reaction and behavior.
What happens after you seal the deal? Do you act differently? Do you have a discussion about it? If it is casual only, do you make that clear at that point or before you even take it there?
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307 comments Add your comment
For Real
October 21st, 2009
10:59 am
Dream: I can give you all of that information in one minute. Why does it take you longer to get it? How does the information below protect you and your body?
Government Name:
Place of residence:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Where you work:
Your mom and dad:
Uour siblings:
Fav movies:
Fav Color:
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:01 am
czBrat: “sex is just pleasure for me. not a deeper connection” – THANK YOU!!! Some chick ack like it’s their first time after the 27th time.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:08 am
Leggs: “My body is a temple’! In this day and age more and more women believe this.” – Soooo the other 37 times what was their body then?
IF YOU PLACE THAT MUCH VALUE ON WHAT’S IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGGS THEN REST ASSURE THAT THAT’S VALUE MEN WILL PLACE ON YOU!!!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:10 am
For Real
See you’re reading me wrong yet again… and clearly didnt finish reading the rest of the post…
I am a person that wants to build more of a foundation with a person as opposed to sleeping with someone on the first night w/out knowing any of that stuff… Now you can go and phuck Lisa/CAndy and all the rest of the ganf with no emotional ties… and that’s kewl.
Me i’d rather know things about you..develop a relationship beyond sex, then add that into the mix when I feel comfortable with you. Sex for me isn’t to make a deeper connection!! I want that before the sex even happens!
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:11 am
Willie D: The funniest thing is chicks place all that value on their bodies and then turn around and discount the value of a man’s body but then expects man to respect the value they place on theirs.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:14 am
It’s funny cause the same men talking about “We don’t want used up woman” are the same ones on her condoning recreational sex!!!
Which one do you want???
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:14 am
@ForReal, I don’t know what they thought the other 37x You crazy!
I value myself, head to toe. I don’t need to show anyone my self worth by sleeping with them. If that’s what you see me for then you don’t see me. It’s that simple. And for the record, no man knows what value I place on what’s between my legs cuz I don’t discuss what’s between my legs. You got it twisted. Most days you’re smart, but not today!
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
11:15 am
I like what you said Leggs and agree with it. I just read an article written by a senior CDC official debunking a strongly believed notion that AA women were becoming the largest group of newly diagnosed AIDS cases due to having relations with men who are on the “down low”…..he said it actually stems from women sleeping with heterosexual men who have multiple partners. That being said and understood, I refuse to become one of the numbers but what makes me wary and quite nervous is that some people still don’t get it and randomly “hook up” with whomever Ms. New Booty happens to be…whether she’s Ms. Right or Ms. Tonight it goes down rather haphazardly without too much consideration of any possible repercussions. It’s too scary to chance me,myself and I.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:16 am
I’ve tried it the get to know him, wait forever to indulge route. Once we finally went down that path nearly two months in, the chemistry was awkward, the foreplay was lame and the sex was over in two pumps.
I’ll pass on that.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:17 am
I can’t believe the amount of free time I have this morning.
Dream: No I understood your post yet again lol.. Soooooo, you lovdadid the dude and the dude lovdadid you everytime you had sex? And you still didn’t answer my question as why it takes you so long to find out that list of stuff.
Dream: So what’s your name?
Dude: I’m not saying until the 5th date!
Willie Dynamite
October 21st, 2009
11:17 am
Ladies I understand totally the position you take when you give the ‘Body is my Temple’ speech. You also have to understand that alot of men have heard that and see the emphasis you place on it and it becomes the bulls-eye.
Leggs – Men talk about sex because thats what we do. If you dont engage in that conversation then at that point we either keep it moving or respect your stance and adapt. Not all dudes can do that respectfully because quite frankly they either haven’t had to or because they dont care to.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:18 am
No doubt there is pleasure in sex, but the aftermath is this how much fun can you have with someone inside of you that you don’t know long-term? To me a trick/john might have fun, but is it really worth the pleasure. For me it is not. Hell I have guys that are my friends purely platonic that will enter in a female, but will keep information about him a secret. Are these ladies really having fun not having these clowns home number, knowing how many kids dude have, his place of employment or residence. They are just getting some hand-me-down dingle-ling
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:22 am
All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:23 am
For Real
lol… you are straight crazy!!!
I’m talking about jumping in the sack with someone on the 1st night…
You know what I was talking about!!!
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:23 am
OT – Never again will I schedule my annual physical for the afternoon. I am starving and can’t eat anything.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:24 am
LOL @ over in two pumps! That’s hysterical.
@Sassy, exactly!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:27 am
@WillieD, let me clarify. I have no problem talking about sex, I just don’t want to talk about it within hours of meeting.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:27 am
Leggs – It was a dern shame. I was so not laughing at the time. But I promise you, my gf’s and I pass out with laughter every time we talk about it.
I now call him HumpHumpCum.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:28 am
I don’t do the whole my body is my temple, but I will set the record straight and let the guy know I am not there yet or ready to indulge at that time. Hell any man with some common-dumbmon-sense (common sense dumb folks have) can tell by how I handle myself that I am not the slut-of-the-week.
I don’t discount anyone for their actions so if a man likes a woman that will jump in the sack with him after 20 minutes he need to holla at the ladies on the corner of Cleveland and Metropolitan. If he wants someone after 2 weeks he need to holla someone that shares the same insight, which is not ME.
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:30 am
Deams: If you ain’t a virgin then you are used. Period! Now I can’t speak for all men but I do know some men that seek out “used up women”. And me personally I don’t want a virgin. But the point to my post was “where is the reciprocity in respecting a man’s body?”
Leggs: You missed my point. The inclusion of your name was just to be cute. However, you don’t have to say a word in order for someone to find out what you value. The point of my post is if you represent to a man that your body is the most important thing to you then that man will place nothing else about you above your body because you don’t. (and “you” is being used as a generalization)
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:30 am
BTW, Prof – I actually respect your position.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:31 am
Professor
High 5 to your 11:28!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:32 am
All dizzle and puddy is hand-me-down unless a person is a virgin.
Some are like a used car heavy chevy…broke down, wore out and used up, and too many owners to name.
Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:32 am
Oh, forgot to comment on your cloud level. When I first logged in I thought that said 9.13 and said WOW, what the hell happened last night. Vision cleared and I saw 5.13.
Glad your cloud’s moving!
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
11:34 am
It’s funny cause the same men talking about “We don’t want used up woman” are the same ones on her condoning recreational sex!!!
Dream_n….for some men, women are caught between a rock and a hard place. If you slang azz, you’re ho’d out. If you don’t they say you’re overemphazing and place too much value and will be left alone. Guess what girlie? I think most of us opt to do us….nevermind what some men think. If you’re emotional, you’re a mess. If you can induldge with no emotions, you’re a trick. If you want definition, you’re clingy, if you say nothing…you’re played. I think it was Page1908 that stated it precisely one day…that if it’s getting down you want and getting down with a chick at that, then you (being men) need to accept getting down comes with a once a month red bleeding, emotional, clingy, I need a difinitive, can we spoon/fork, do you love me woman. Otherwise, as she suggested, they need to find a dude. Because in reality on a man is void of all that stuff.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:34 am
SC-likewise, and I respect yours as well.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:36 am
SCool, stop it, stop it…go sit in the corner…HumpHumpCum! Classic!
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:37 am
For Real
Respecting a man’s body???
I respect my body! I can’t tell another grown person about how to respect their body. I can only have domain over what’s mine, and my body is mine. If he chose to be a hoe before that was his problem… When he comes to ME he will know that it ain’t happening!
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:38 am
I read an article in S2S magazine last night that stated most women cannot handle the casual thingy and it cited the researcher, but I don’t remember it because we all know S2S is not a scholarly journal.
Angie will be please to know the article on Kandi was pretty good too.
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:38 am
For instance, you meet Guy #1, y’all date once a week for three months. Most phone conversation is limited to arranging for the next date – usually dinner and a movie. You are feeling this dude, but the getting to know him process is slow, measured.
Or, you meet Guy #2, y’all see each other three times a week for a month. You have long drawn out into the wee hours conversation several times a week. Y’all are at the movies, at dinner, at your house for DVD Night, at the park, at the stadium, just everywhere.
Does the frequency of contact, level of communication factor into the deal-closing decision at all? Can the time frame be altered depending on the quality of the ‘courtship?’
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
“Others my be pre-owned but it is still in good shape and not a lot of miles or owners.” – Remember everything is relative!
Ms. Main: I agree some men do place women in between zippppp and black cake and that’s not fair (unless you gon do it) but I agree do you and don’t worry. The thing that bothers men about women “doing you” is that sometimes “doing you” changes with every issue of Jet. Which mean you aren’t “doing you” you are doing what someone elses’ you.
czBrat
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
If you slang azz, you’re ho’d out. If you don’t they say you’re overemphazing and place too much value and will be left alone. Guess what girlie? I think most of us opt to do us….nevermind what some men think. If you’re emotional, you’re a mess. If you can induldge with no emotions, you’re a trick. If you want definition, you’re clingy, if you say nothing…you’re played.
Ms. Main excellent summation!
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:40 am
@ForReal, then yes, I missed the point. Hell, I’ll be 51 in 2 months so no I don’t place my body as the most important thing about me. I never have. What I place as being important is the ability to date to get to know a person and not jump between the sheets too soon.
However, you don’t have to say a word in order for someone to find out what you value. I somewhat disagree. For some you can spot a mile away what a person is about. When up close and personal, some are harder to figure out than most. You’ve met me, yet you don’t know me at all.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:41 am
Ms. Main
lol… You hit it right on the head! I luv it….
So with that being said…. whatever works for you works for you…
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:42 am
@Dream_n ^5 you took the words from my keyboard on the 11:37
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:43 am
Saw the S2S cover, read the Kandi headline – Kandi tells why she will not wed AJ (or words to that effect) – um, yeah, I won’t state the obvious.
As to the casual thingy, I recently had a friend tell me that something that I told him about that very thing came true. Which was – women are emotional creatures. We are not built to handle on-going casual sex for extended periods. We will catch feelings and we will want more especially if you are a decent guy – and even when you’re not. Don’t let it be good sex…WHAT?!?!? (Lil John impersonation, here) (It’s a law that’s gotta be written somewhere.)
Even me, in my stance of saying that some sex is just for pleasure. I know that I can’t have pleasurable sex with you consistently, frequently or whatever and be so naive as to think that some sort of attachment won’t be formed.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:47 am
@SexyC, I believe it can be.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
11:48 am
Ms. Main, the doors to the church are now closed! Excellent post!
SexyCool - Status - At about 5.13 on the Cloud Scale
October 21st, 2009
11:49 am
Oh…and back to my friend, seems as if he had an ‘understanding’ with a long time female friend of his about the sexual relationship that they agreed to enter into casually.
Some months later, he says that she seemed mystified that he was cool with things just the way that they were and wanted to continue is just that same lane, but she had started inviting him to holiday events, family gatherings and weddings and ish and he was declining to go.
Now her feelings are hurt and the friendship is over all because he believed her when she said that casual would work for her.
Like I said to him, please believe me when I say that when she said that to you, she believed it too.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 21st, 2009
11:50 am
Morning All!
SCool – LMAO @ HumpHumpCum!! And you asked my question in your 11:38.
I see this topic is jumpin already……
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
11:51 am
Frequency of contact is important. For, ME time is money and money is time, and I don’t spend a lot of time at first outside of dinner and phone conversations. DVD night at my house…nada. So that is why my views are as such…shoot most nights I am busy plotting and planning. I am quirky and reserved so it takes a minute for me to feel comfortable enough to have a man chilling at my house, meeting my friends eating off my dishes and using my toilet. I am a little weird until you get to know me and it all comes together
For Real
October 21st, 2009
11:51 am
Out to lunch! I’ll be slapping the ish outta you for medicinal purpose in about a hour.
Dream_n
October 21st, 2009
11:53 am
Even me, in my stance of saying that some sex is just for pleasure. I know that I can’t have pleasurable sex with you consistently, frequently or whatever and be so naive as to think that some sort of attachment won’t be formed.
I think that goes for most women.. High 5!
On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:00 pm
CZ, Leggs, Dream_n…I think we’re evolving and learning to just do us. Yes, I’ll ALWYAS keep in mind my SO, his needs, wants,etc., but I’m won’t lose myself by gravitating to an every whim. A fair balance is probably what we all need…men inclusive but exactly what is balance is what seems to elude us when trying to define it.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
12:01 pm
On the flip side I do have those GF that have been scorned by men… and treat SEX like a game.. getting stuff paid, or bought for them w/ no emotional attachment.
I have some of those,too….one of them taught this(or tried to) to her daughter….well now she’s due to be a grandmother(at 37yrs old) in ~3 weeks, so go figure.
To me it almost seems like those type of women are trickin’ themselves out to the highest bidder. They don’t see it like that,though, and would take offense if someone suggested it…..I don’t understand that logic.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:07 pm
***To me it almost seems like those type of women are trickin’ themselves out to the highest bidder. ****
@Sassy I call it social prostitution…they don’t walk the Ave. for their customers, but they are on the hunt…same thing. I don’t judge them, but it always makes me wonder what happened to make them go that route. I have seen some dudes give these women everything and end up hurt too.
Leggs
October 21st, 2009
12:13 pm
I have one friend who always thought and said out loud that her puddy was made of gold. She used men all the time to get her bills paid and guess they used her too cuz although we’re the same age, she’s looks like she’s been rode hard and hung out to dry.
Ms. Main
October 21st, 2009
12:17 pm
although we’re the same age, she’s looks like she’s been rode hard and hung out to dry.
The flip side of handing out the goods in droves….young cute and tight don’t last forever. Too much of anything can be detrimental and speed up the aging, used, tainted process.
Professor is.....
October 21st, 2009
12:17 pm
@Leggs, is she still using men, or did she learn to take care of herself? I have always wondered what happens after the beauty fades, the corns start hurting and you are just tired. How does these folks survive…I know of a few my age and they are still going. I know another one that is about 45, and when she was about 38 she found this sucker and had a baby for him and settled down with him.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 21st, 2009
12:19 pm
Professor social prostitution is exactly what it is…what I don’t get is why/how the men they’re using don’t see it.