Dating Apathy Syndrome
If you have gone on nothing but bad first dates, you probably haven’t noticed that the reason may not have anything to do with other people. It could be you, the tired and bored dater. Meeting people and going out with them, only to find no connection can result in a loss of excitement about dating.
You may even reach the point where you just kind of check out altogether and go through the motions. You’re in this weird auto-pilot mode of dating. You don’t particularly care about who you agree to go out with, as long as their breathing and sane. You are dangerously closed to dating apathy.
Dating apathy is the period of time when you have not given up on relationships, but you are pretty close. You have to get out of this stage as quickly as you can. This is the point when some people settle for any person with a pulse, just to get out being the single, unmarried one.
Have you ever experienced dating apathy? Did you decide to take a break or shake things up?
I think the number one cure for dating apathy syndrome is to only date someone who excites you. No more boring dates with people you have nothing in common with or feel a connection. Find someone that stimulates you on more than one level. This burst of stimulation is a good way to knock you out of the dating apathy phase.
What do you think are good ways to keep from being apathetic? How do you get out of your dating ruts?
How can you tell if you have dating apathy syndrome?
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187 comments Add your comment
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
4:03 pm
@Leggs a hug back to ya! I am glad you got what I was trying to say I started not to post it b/c I did not know if my meaning was clear. Now your coworker with the 40th anniversary makes my heart smile and gives me hope…that Jessie type hope…lol.
abc
October 20th, 2009
4:07 pm
Truth, regarding myself, I would suck as a mate for anyone but my girl. Other than her, I have no interest in being anything resembling what a woman would want in a man. She’s about the only thing that makes me an exception. I ain’t exactly a spring chicken, and I went through the marriage thing a couple times, getting somewhat jaded along the way.
No dry puddy, sure; that doesn’t make for much of a relationship, though! You can get that from anyone, but it’s not nearly enough to constitute much of anything, really.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
4:09 pm
Lord Velonese, how often do you date? I am just curious
czBrat
October 20th, 2009
4:09 pm
Leggs that example you gave of your coworker is why i put up with so much and tried so hard. we were high school sweethearts and i just wanted that ‘happily ever after against all odds’ with our lovely lil’ girl and lively lil’ boy. oh well. live, learn, laugh, love and keep sharing your gift with those who appreciate it.
Deeva4Life
October 20th, 2009
4:10 pm
I guess I am scared that things will change if I start giving my all and loving with all that I have. You know wake up one day and say, “why is this fool in my bed snatching all the cover?” That scares the ish out of me sometimes…just the thought of trying to live in the house with another grown person in unity and harmony I just wonder if that can still happen in this day and time.
@ Professor – this is what I’m afraid of now…post-marriage. I never really had thoughts like this the first time around…we were both too young to really weigh thoughts like this. Now…hindsight is 20/20…I’m starting to really think about things before making decisions – especially life altering ones.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 20th, 2009
4:11 pm
Truth – Yeah Im the soccer mom, out there screaming my head off! LOL! Lil Mo made a goal and I was cheering, he could have cared less. Lil Mo is a lot like the lil boy in the Publix commercial..”I was great!”
Professor – well one thing is for sure, if/when you get married you will wake up one day and want to roll his a$$ down a flight of stairs and vice versa!
Everyday isnt perfect in any relationship! You wont like each other everday. And yes things will change, you will change hopefully for the better. Its a risk you take. But it sounds like you havent been too comfortable with any particular individual either. Also dont always look to other couples, good or bad, b/c you never truly know what is going on in that relationship. Nothing wrong with admiration for a good relationship but you have to keep in mind they are doing what works for them….which may not be anything that could work for you
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
4:13 pm
Mo you made some great points!
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
4:21 pm
@Mo, the little boys says “I was awesome!” That’s better than great (LOL).
Hef
October 20th, 2009
4:27 pm
Deeva4life-Being single for as long as I was(and technicaly still am) was for most part cool. I liked the freedom I had without commitment,but when I found the ONE all bets were off. I knew right then and there this was right. Do we argue-yeah, Do I wake up sometimes wonderin if what I’m doin is right-yeah, Do I know that it ain’t goin to be easy-yeah. But so much of every day life is like that, and I know now that this is the WOMAN good,bad,or indifferent.
czBrat
October 20th, 2009
4:28 pm
<i?Nothing wrong with admiration for a good relationship but you have to keep in mind they are doing what works for them….which may not be anything that could work for you.
great point Mo. my brothers have each been married over 30 years but seemingly bicker with their wives non-stop. that somehow works for them. although you wouldn’t think of it as a model of what you’d want your marriage to be. go figure????
The Truth
October 20th, 2009
4:29 pm
Good point Mo. When folks are dreaming about Mr/Mrs McDreamy they never really factor in those moments that make you want to pull out a butcher knife and…sorry, went back down memory lane. I think when those moments come they shatter the whole thing. Thats when the real work starts, when your feelings and dreams are shattered and you’re trying to find out what happened. Based on stats alot of people cant overcome that. Its hard. Especially in our culture of instant and constant gratification.
ABC, how could you say that. Everyday we grow older our available pool grows too. I know there’s AT LEAST 1 other chick that would want you. LOL
For Real
October 20th, 2009
4:29 pm
For Real now picturing Mo wearing cleats and soccer socks.
abc: “but it’s not nearly enough to constitute much of anything, really.” – Everything is relative bruh. You eat off the plate that makes you full but does that constitute fullness?
Professor: I agree with Mo but you read like what dudes go through when they are getting ready to settle down. As my paw-paw used to say “You can’t go thru anuder doh without letting da odder one go ferst.”
Melo
October 20th, 2009
4:29 pm
Late chimimng in:
I think if u decide to marry,its important to not just know the person u dating,but his/her circle as well,family,friends etc…especially the family side.
A lot of times,pple luv the person so much but go on to miss the tell tell sings about how this particular person is “badly wired” becoz they are wrapped up in luv.
If the person has drama with their siblings etc,they will have drama with u at some point.If they dont talk to their mama or daddy,at some point,u are going to be sacrificed too because u are not as close as their mama or daddy remember…. and so on.
And yes, a peerson must Sit their Azz down and decide exactly if they wanna do this or not….
Marriage has to start with a mental makeover.If u dont believe in it or u wanna do it because all ur friends are getting booed up,then u doing it for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes my Queen will YEP YEP YEP YEP in my ear piece whilst im at wrk and i will just say OKAY!, hoping to calmly talk to her AZZ when i get home.Thats what i singed up for,i dont mind.
Are u prepared for all that????????????
SEE..
czBrat
October 20th, 2009
4:33 pm
LOL @ TRUTH!!
For Real
October 20th, 2009
4:36 pm
Oh and abc men tend to die younger than women so there will always be a pool of good women with fat azz insurance receipts.
Dream_n
October 20th, 2009
4:37 pm
they never really factor in those moments that make you want to pull out a butcher knife and…
So true, there’s been plenty of those days… lol
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 20th, 2009
4:37 pm
Melo – Somethings I am ready for but then the other things I may have to experience and handle it along the way. You have a lot of good thinking points.
Deeva4Life
October 20th, 2009
4:40 pm
@ Hef – What a lucky couple you two are. It’s a beautiful thing to know, that you know, that you know you’ve found the one for you and vice versa. I cannot wait to experience that for myself.
MO, – I loved your response to Professor…so very true.
^5 Truth on your 4:29 post.
Jay
October 20th, 2009
4:40 pm
Lady J, I am so proud of you. Growth is a beautiful thing. Learning to love yourself is the key. I think we can get caught up in making ourselves available for others and get LOST in the process.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
4:46 pm
…stepping out gang take care and have a wonderful evening!
SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale
October 20th, 2009
4:47 pm
Taz – If you’re around, 1 Cor 1:4.
Hef
October 20th, 2009
4:48 pm
Deeva4life-Now to be honest with ya, I know the odds are’nt the greatest these day’s, but I’m an optimist. I dated alot of women,I mean alot of women before I came across the ONE,so hopefully those experiences have helped me with journey I’m getting ready to go on. I am quite a bit older than she, and I know she could have anyone she wishes,she chose me and vice versa. After saying all of that I look forward to life with my WOMAN.
Ms. Main popping before the 5:00 yabbadabba do call
October 20th, 2009
4:49 pm
Three Words Daily – Topic is Stupid
It was ignored but funny none the less
Deeva4Life
October 20th, 2009
4:52 pm
@ Hef – Awww…that’s beautiful. I wish you both all the happiness your hearts can stand for many, many years to come. Thanks for sharing and giving a girl some hope…lol
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
4:53 pm
Have a great evening!
Remember, your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
Nite
Wings -() Better late Than Never
October 20th, 2009
4:54 pm
Hey Everyone!
No Apathy here! I am enjoying my current status……….
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 20th, 2009
4:55 pm
For Real – I am the cool soccer mom, in sweats pants and sunglasses! LOL!
Leggs – Lil Mo does say “Mommy did you see me!!”
Professor – you do sound like you want to settle down, as For Real stated, so be open to that idea. By being too cautious you may miss out.
I remember at my bridal showers people offering advice and writing it on cards to place in a book. I told them “dont give me all the good, fairy tale stuff. I need EVERYTHING, straight no chaser”. I guess people think if they tell you the truth you may not get married! LOL
IWLDLIKE2DATE
October 20th, 2009
4:56 pm
When I do make that step for marriage I intend to give 200%. Just trying to cultivate patience. I have come across men that I felt were qualified. Like last week the man seemed to show qualities that I had been praying for then when I asked him if he was interested he said he was not ready. Now I have learned when a male says he is not ready it can mean one or two things (sometimes both) one – he is not interested two – he really is not ready. Well I was disappointed to say the least but trying to remain optimistic.
JD
October 20th, 2009
4:57 pm
@Deeva – I completely understand where you’re coming from. I didn’t get married too young, and so I was “sure” I was making the right decision. But you don’t really know someone until you’ve been through the ups and downs with them. When the going gets tough, thats the test. Thats when the work comes in, and you hopefully grow together, not apart. In the end, I found I was much more committed to growth and taking responsibility for my mistakes than she was. Ultimately, she wasn’t who I thought she was.
The hard thing for me is I still want to have a family, and while men don’t have a biological clock, I never wanted to be an old Dad, like my Dad was. But what the heck, 40 is the new 30, right? Or so I’ve been told. As horrible as this past year was for me, it sure has taught me that I have a lot to offer and not to ever “settle” again.
Hef
October 20th, 2009
5:02 pm
Deeva4Life-Today was very enlightening for me really,with all the responses. I know I never gave up,I knew I would find the right ONE,cause they’re out there. The best part is you’ll know when you do. I knew but it was my WOMAN who made sure that I admitted to myself. It was alway’s easy for me to go on to the next one,but she would’nt let it happen. So don’t be afraid to fight for it,sometimes we just need someone to open our eyes. Positive Thoughts!
Tazzee - treated like royalty.
October 20th, 2009
5:03 pm
SCool muah! Back at you!!!
Sorka
October 20th, 2009
6:06 pm
This post is right on – it is exactly what I am experiencing right now. I have been out on a rapid-fire series of online “first dates.” I am not only bored and apathetic, I am now annoyed by the thought of having to meet another guy that doesn’t interest me that much. And I am really tired, because I go out on these dates after work most nights. I need a break, physically and mentally. Yet I feel guilty because I feel like I need to constantly work and try harder to meet Mr. Right. When I go out with my friends, I am relaxed, having a great time, laughing and enjoying myself. On these dates, I am thinking – why am I wasting my time trying to impress a guy who is not interested in talking to me?
JD
October 20th, 2009
8:10 pm
@ Sorka – We should meet and compare notes…
Lady J
October 20th, 2009
8:12 pm
Thanks Jay and Tazzee!!!
SS
October 24th, 2009
10:11 pm
Dating apathy syndrome does sound like what I have. I took a break from dating and focused on a career and finishing college. When I was ready to return to the dating scene, there really was not many I met that I was interested in seeing. I have done the fwb, been on many dates and I think I am ready for something real. I just don’t know where to meet someone. Workplace is not an option and I am not really into the bar scene anymore.
James
October 26th, 2009
9:50 pm
You have a typo in this post. Wow.
promises
June 20th, 2010
9:02 pm
this goes out to you tripster…living 2 lives and loving too many women at the same time for so long will destroys a person when the truth comes out. manipulation of any level is rotten but the lengths that you went to are so difficult to even accept. people with any goodness in them doesnt go to the level that you did. you are evil and you need help before you destroy others.