Dating Apathy Syndrome
If you have gone on nothing but bad first dates, you probably haven’t noticed that the reason may not have anything to do with other people. It could be you, the tired and bored dater. Meeting people and going out with them, only to find no connection can result in a loss of excitement about dating.
You may even reach the point where you just kind of check out altogether and go through the motions. You’re in this weird auto-pilot mode of dating. You don’t particularly care about who you agree to go out with, as long as their breathing and sane. You are dangerously closed to dating apathy.
Dating apathy is the period of time when you have not given up on relationships, but you are pretty close. You have to get out of this stage as quickly as you can. This is the point when some people settle for any person with a pulse, just to get out being the single, unmarried one.
Have you ever experienced dating apathy? Did you decide to take a break or shake things up?
I think the number one cure for dating apathy syndrome is to only date someone who excites you. No more boring dates with people you have nothing in common with or feel a connection. Find someone that stimulates you on more than one level. This burst of stimulation is a good way to knock you out of the dating apathy phase.
What do you think are good ways to keep from being apathetic? How do you get out of your dating ruts?
How can you tell if you have dating apathy syndrome?
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187 comments Add your comment
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
12:34 pm
@Dream LMAO I don’t mess with collards either I am a turnips, mustards and kale chick!
*******all that “testing” me is juvenile and will kill the attraction*********
Yesss! You put me in the amen corner with that one Deeva!
“The same things you did to get the man you gotta do to keep the man. So, don’t start nothing you can’t keep up.”
@SC now that is true I believe in that mantra as well, I guess that is why I give the warning on some things…I love cooking, but for me there is an entertaining aspect that goes along with it…dishes…good wine…spiced up kool-aid with fruit cocktail so I just can’t come home from work and do hamburger helper that is not me. I always tell my guys the way I do it…a couple times a week is all that are going on. My salads and garlic bread are delicious the other days out the week.
As for the dating to get married that has been going on forever. People used to tell their daughters to find a husband in college. Shoot I had a few friends that were told by their mothers to find a husband in college. Years ago back in 1992 or so I had a friend that went to Mo’house and he said that they were warned that around their Junior and Senior year the ladies would start trying to get serious because they wanted husbands.
I thought about Kimmie earlier when I mentioned sangria…
Ared is missing too, and where is mi amigo Melo?
JD
October 20th, 2009
12:34 pm
I’m about to enter the dating scene again after my divorce. I’ve taken this entire year to be introspective and figure out why my marriage ended. I think I’ve come a long way and know all the mistakes I refuse to repeat, which will make my next girlfriend or wife a lucky woman. I’ve learned a lot about effective communication and how to be a better partner in a relationship.
Now the issue is, how do I learn to date again? Its been 7 years for me. I am not looking forward to approaching women for dates (I tend to be shy), and the internet dating seems to be a waste of time. So I don’t know if I’d call it apathy, but meeting the right woman is certainly challenging in this city.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
12:36 pm
I so give up on trying to post today.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
12:36 pm
@Dream LMAO I don’t mess with collards either I am a turnips, mustards and kale chick!
*******all that “testing” me is juvenile and will kill the attraction*********
Yesss! You put me in the amen corner with that one Deeva!
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
12:37 pm
@Hef ~ I’ve been considering going online for some time now. Good to read your story! Congratulations!!
For Real
October 20th, 2009
12:40 pm
JD: Define “Right Woman” and dating will be easy for you.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
12:40 pm
As for the dating to get married that has been going on forever. People used to tell their daughters to find a husband in college. Shoot I had a few friends that were told by their mothers to find a husband in college. Years ago back in 1992 or so I had a friend that went to Mo’house and he said that they were warned that around their Junior and Senior year the ladies would start trying to get serious because they wanted husbands.
I thought about Kimmie earlier when I mentioned sangria…
Ared is missing too, and where is mi amigo Melo?
D'Andre
October 20th, 2009
12:41 pm
Part of what keeps a relationship from being special is the enormous set of pyscho-baggage that many girls carry with them. God help you if you catch them after a breakup ’cause it can be scary and I don’t mean Scary Movie.
Dream_n
October 20th, 2009
12:43 pm
@For Real
You are interviewing candidates for a life sentencing. LMAO.. now that was funny…
You don’t tell the person that you want to marry or spend the rest of your life with them,(in the begining of every date) b/c you don’t know if that’s the person for you silly! But you do let them know that you take this “dating” thing serious and you are not looking to play games or be played with. Not every guy you decide to date is going to be your soul mate, that’s why if you are looking for a life long partner, you don’t waste time. If you see that you both are not on the same path, then make a detour get off the road and keep it moving. Find somenone with the same mindset that you have.
Hef
October 20th, 2009
12:44 pm
czBrat-Thanks! She truly has completed me in ways I never thought would happen. I was your basic Batch for life kind of a guy who enjoyed the fruits available.Then one day I decided that I had enough of the that and was ready to settle down,funny thing though I was a little scared cause I did’nt know if one my earlier flings might just have been the one. I knew I planned on getting married only once,so my mindset had to change. Changing my overly flirtatious and no real goals except fun while it lasted attitude was a challange in itself. Another words to accomplish my goal of finding my one & only I had to change myself mentally. Looking at women differently actually was cool, I took it more seriously and learned alot. My EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL soon wife to be has VERY BEAUTIFUL 12 year old daughter (I never wanted kids) and we are a Family. I look forward to the day when we are married and possibly have another child (hopefully a little girl). I am EXTREMELY happy! So those out there that were in a simular place,Love is there,find it.
Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!
October 20th, 2009
12:51 pm
Afternoon Folks!
czBrat – not sure if you saw my late post, but I’ll be at the 8:00 Paul Mooney show tomorrow.
On topic: I was entering dating apathy when I met my fiance’. I was sick of the game playing and the many first dates – my plan was to take a break from it all. His approach was different so I thought our first date was just two folks hanging out. I didn’t get the vibe that he was interested in my ‘like that’ – had I got that vibe, I probably wouldn’t have gone out with him.
The relationship progressed the way it did because I decided to try something different. I was ‘trying’ to date for fun – just hang out and not look at him as a potential husband. I think my dating apathy had gotten to the point where I was giving up on getting married. So when he started the full relationship press, I was a little scared. Didn’t want to believe the representative because he was saying the same things the guy I dated before him said. Ultimately, his consistency won me over.
Sunday we were talking about my past relationships and he asked what was different about him – why did I give him a chance? I confessed that, in the beginning, I wasn’t thinking about a relationship with him – just trying to have fun. But I also keep telling him that it was his smile that got him to the third date – during the first date I looked at his mouth and thought ‘we must make it to a third date because I have to kiss those lips’
Hef
October 20th, 2009
12:52 pm
Leggs-My EXTREMELY Beautifull wife to be & I had a rough time explaining to people how we met. We finally broke down and told all,the stigma of going online to find someone was a negative,but the negative was in our heads not in anyone eles’s. Now we now of a few friends that have done the same. So give it a go!
Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!
October 20th, 2009
12:53 pm
Hef – congratulations!!! When are you getting married?
For Real
October 20th, 2009
12:54 pm
Dream: “But you do let them know that you take this “dating” thing serious and you are not looking to play games or be played with.” – so you don’t tell the dude you are dating that you are dating to get married then…. isn’t that “playing games” or “playing with” someone?
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
12:57 pm
@Hef, you’re quite refreshing to read today. You found the one that completes you, that makes you very happy and has even changed your mind on wanting children. Again, congrats!
Hef
October 20th, 2009
12:57 pm
Tazzee-May 2010! and Thankyou. Congrats to you as well!! Have you set a date?
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 20th, 2009
12:58 pm
Afternoon All!
Well I cant contribute much to the topic since I am a newbie to the dating scene since my divorce. However I am finding some of the posts interesting.
Hef – congrats!
SCool – thanks for that DSW hookup!
For Real
October 20th, 2009
1:00 pm
“The relationship progressed the way it did because I decided to try something different. I was ‘trying’ to date for fun – just hang out and not look at him as a potential husband.” – THANK YOU TAZZEE!
Chicks don’t like it when dude put a full court press on the puddy and dudes don’t like it when chicks put the full court press on marrying them. Lighten the fugg up and have some fun for once in your life. Besides everyone looks better when they are smiling. Well except for that S. African track star….
Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!
October 20th, 2009
1:00 pm
Hef – I met my fiance’ online and I have no problem telling folks that. Shoot, I’ve met some of my close friends online so my folks are accustomed to it by now.
SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale
October 20th, 2009
1:01 pm
Just texted Kimmie – all is well. Work/IT Nazis and so forth.
Ran into Melo on the North Terminal yesterday. Apparently, he is actually working this week.
No word on the Red.
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
1:02 pm
Hef sounds like I’m swiss before he got married. BTW, Hef, we get it she’s EXTREMELY Beautiful.
For Real
October 20th, 2009
1:02 pm
Tazzee: Did you meet him at http://www.zipppppppppppppppppppp.com?
Hef
October 20th, 2009
1:03 pm
Leggs-Thanks.I’d like to take the credit,but my love deserves it all. I’ve adapted myself and I know she has as well because we are what the other wants. I know this is cliche but we both gave to get.
The Truth
October 20th, 2009
1:04 pm
For Real, lmao at 4 out of 5 doctors. Is that like fugging for a ring? lol Welcome back to the show.
Shondra, dam you just summed it up. Live your life and meet people that share your interests. They can close the blog now. This is a wrap.
Dre, apparently you didnt read the blog posting rules. Dude, you cant tell these chicks they have a shelf life, even if they do. Sure, a dude is a dog after any activity at all but these chicks are brand new, even if they’ve been run up in and robbed more than the local conveneince store. We’ve learned to turn our backs to the truth. lol
My solution: I was fortunate to have a group of friends that I’d call if I wanted a good date. Great convo, great fun and I knew that my money wouldnt be wasted.
I once went on a date with a chick wearing a sweater so tight you could see the bumps on her nipples. Anyway, she appeared to be a progressive chick with things going on. The more we talked the more I realized that was a show. After an hour of telling me about all her failed relationships and how she was a queen in waiting I couldnt even see her chest anymore. I remember my boys calling me and they were hanging out having fun and I thought to myself, “self, you’d rather be hanging with your boys than sitting with this chick”. Scary thought but the truth. I gave the duress code and they called back on cue with an emergency to get me out of that nightmare. That was my last date ever.
The key is learning that not all dates are good dates
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
1:05 pm
“Well I cant contribute much to the topic since I am a newbie to the dating scene since my divorce. However I am finding some of the posts interesting.” I’m definitely with you, Mo!
Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!
October 20th, 2009
1:05 pm
For Real – as much as I didn’t want to post that (because you’ve been preaching that for some time) I had to… I’ve never had a problem with me telling guys that marriage was my goal. The problem in the past was looking at them with that goal in mind. Meaning – I started looking at the little things, thinking ‘could I deal with this for the rest of my life?’ – with Mr. Me, I was simply spending time with him and overlooking the little stuff.
Hef – we’re getting married May 2010 also. May 14th to be exact.
Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!
October 20th, 2009
1:07 pm
For Real –
you are a NUT, no, that’s not where I met him…
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
1:07 pm
@Shondra I see where you are coming from and I have often pondered on wedlock or bedlock…
@Hef congrats! That is truly a great story and I am happy you shared it with us it gives me hope.
@SCool now that is true I believe in that mantra as well, I guess that is why I give the warning on some things…I love cooking, but for me there is an entertaining aspect that goes along with it…pretty little dishes…good wine…spiced up kool-aid with fruit cocktail so I just can’t come home from work and do hamburger helper that is not me. I always tell my guys the way I do it…a couple times a week is all that are going on. My salads and garlic bread are delicious the other days out the week.
Hef
October 20th, 2009
1:08 pm
Tazzee-Cool,I’m happy for you and your finace. Curious,was your online experience what you thought it would be?
East Point's Own
October 20th, 2009
1:10 pm
1:10pm… still on page 1…. guess I did not miss much.
SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale
October 20th, 2009
1:11 pm
Taz – Radio Shack did not have the USB cord that I needed for the camera. I am looking for one on eBay now.
For Real
October 20th, 2009
1:11 pm
Truth: “Is that like fugging for a ring?” – Yeap, how many strokes does it take to get a 3ct ring?
“duress code” – lol… I had a chick tell me once on a date that her looks will get her anything she wanted and that includes you. I was like yeah, um waiter bring the check and her food in a doggy bag I’m out.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
1:11 pm
@Shondra I see where you are coming from and I have often pondered on wedlock or bedlock…
@Hef congrats! That is truly a great story and I am happy you shared it with us it gives me hope.
Thanks for the update of the MIA blog members.
SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale
October 20th, 2009
1:11 pm
Or…if there is anyone out there who can tell me where I can get a USB cord for a Sony Cybershot, let me know. Thanks.
For Real
October 20th, 2009
1:13 pm
zipppppppppppp did someone say they needed a USB cord?
SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale
October 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
For Real – frickin’ comedian.
Melo
October 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
Chicks don’t like it when dude put a full court press on the puddy
lurkeiiiing and enjoying my lunch BUT u funny boy!!
Hef
October 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
Prof-Thanks!
Dream_n
October 20th, 2009
1:16 pm
@ For Real
I get where you going…Me personally.. No i’m not at the point in my life where I want to settle and get married, but I also don’t fault the women who are looking to get married or spend their life with someone special. There are men that feel the exact same way. Different approaches for different folks. What may work for you, may not work for the next person.
I’m not sayin on the first date.. Start off with.. I want to get married so if you are not with that then I don’t want to talk to you. No, as I stated before you’re not going to have that type of attraction with every guy you meet. The first date is a prelude. You don’t get that deep on the first date, but after a couple you can tell where eachothers heads are at.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 20th, 2009
1:18 pm
Leggs – just being honest! LOL!
Hey Truth, how goes it? Been missing you dude, glad you popped in.
I must admit though I am glad to read about successful relationships here
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
1:20 pm
SexyC – you got mail.
@ForReal, you’re going to get arthritis in those two fingers from all that zipppppppppppping you’re doing!
Melo
October 20th, 2009
1:20 pm
u outting me SCool??
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
1:21 pm
Mo how long have you been divorced and how long were you married…just a curious/nosey?
Hef
October 20th, 2009
1:24 pm
Dream_n-I agree,the first date should be a feeling out process. I wanted to see if there was humor & intelligence not just physical attraction. The 1st date should be about being comfortable with each other.
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
1:28 pm
Hef/Dream
I agree first dates should be fun…plenty of laughs and good conversation…I expect for the conversation to flow like the Mighty Mississippi. If the there are cricket moments or those “what are you doing next Saturday, because I want take you to the court house and get married.” I am out
Mo (aka Moeisha)
October 20th, 2009
1:29 pm
Professor – its alright chica, married for 4yrs with him for a total of 8, been divorced for 2yrs now.
The Truth
October 20th, 2009
1:34 pm
Hey Mo, how goes it lady? Hope all is well with you and the little one.
Has the format on this thing just changed?
Professor is.....
October 20th, 2009
1:35 pm
Mo-thanks I see after 8 years of being off the dating scene you are a newbie.
Angie aka Beautiful
October 20th, 2009
1:40 pm
you know i had to come back and reply about KANDI, *chuckle*:
1. we all know how hard it is to find a nice, caring, loving man and one who will love you back unconditionally and put a rock on da finger. we don’t know him, but Kandi does and she loved him enough to make him her husband. she stated that he was responsible. and if she thinks he’s responsible, there you go!
2. the mother (eyeroll) is ok to voice her opinion but she don’t have to be a bitttch about it. her not participating in fam activities was unfair to Kandi and disgusting to me. she should have set her ugly ways aside and grinned and bared it for Kandi.
3. love can do amazing things . . . only God knew what was instore for them. i sensed a beautiful loving relationship.
4. Kandi is grown!!!
5. i read he was breaking up a fight and got hit in the process. ajcnews.com
6. this is a way to lose your child forever. one of my older friends lost her daughter to this situation trying to keep her away from her boyfriend. now the daughter is married to him and my friend can’t see the grandbabies. smh.
y’all need to learn how to open your hearts more. people make mistakes and they are able to come back and do better than before.
Leggs
October 20th, 2009
1:43 pm
Dang Angie, you’re so 2000 and late!