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Stubborn is Not Sexy

I got called out on one of my issues in dating. I can be stubborn! I think all of us can be stubborn in a way. For me, when I am feeling particularly hurt or upset, I go into isolation mode and push people away.

This is something that I have only recently admitted to doing so that when the person I am dating sees me behave strangely, they can know what to do. Hopefully, that won’t include running for the hills!

It is hard asking for help when you are used to handling things on your own. A lot of us single people get really comfortable with the self-reliance and self-sufficient behavior. The important thing to remember is that it can come across as self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and stubborn is so not sexy, believe me.

Do you have a problem with being stubborn? Does the concept of compromise get totally lost on you? When are you going to stop being so stubborn? How are you changing this?

Have you ever dated someone who was pig-headed and stubborn? How did you handle it?

Do you think stubborn people are doomed to be alone or is there a way to make a breakthrough?

211 comments Add your comment

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
3:39 pm

Leggs – No disrespect to the dude, but he got killed fighting in the parking lot of the strip club he partially owned (supposedly).

Can’t really say that reads any better.

And I didn’t even mention the allegations that it was about another woman in the previous post.

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
3:40 pm

I know if it was my daughter I would sleep a lot better knowing she is not about to make what could have been the biggest mistake of her life.

Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!

October 19th, 2009
3:40 pm

well dang, I’m getting caught in the filter for some reason…

rather than try to type it all yet again: SCool, I totally feel you on your 2:52

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
3:42 pm

i love my mama and papa for being as accepting and supportive as they have always been (btw i guess yous can clearly see i don’t deny being a BRAT – ‘canal zone brat’ to be exact)… but i surely do voice my opinion on by daughter’s boyfriends! you best believe i do!!!!

Black Magic Woman

October 19th, 2009
3:44 pm

ANGIE….I think Kandi’s mom had every right to want good things for her baby. If I had a child marrying a man with that many kids from different woman I wouldn’t be all to accepting of him for my daughter. I am not speaking ill of the dead….but come on. 6 kids….4 different mothers. She did not want her daughter to be mama #5 of baby #7. I hope she is forgiving of herself. She did nothing but try to protect her daughter…which is what a parent is supposed to do…even when the baby is all grown up.

I agree with you LEGGS!

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
3:44 pm

It all reads the same (lol). Yeah, yeah, even with the allegations about the other woman, he was doing wrong! No matter how I spin the words!

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
3:47 pm

I think parents are here to guide us properly and the older we get the less subtle the guidance becomes. So, if my mom told me she did not like someone that would be ok, however as an adult I hold veto power. Clear and simple this mom against date thing does not have to be a big deal if everyone respect each other.

Lord Velonese (Sadist's never Die)

October 19th, 2009
3:47 pm

“come across as self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and stubborn is so not sexy, believe me.”

Sounds to me like someone’s jealous.

“Do you think stubborn people are doomed to be alone or is there a way to make a breakthrough?”

Naw, in my case I choose that, can’t say for others. I’d advise those who know stubborn people, if you push the issue too much and end up getting hurt, that is what you get for not minding your own business, also you can’t blame the person but only yourself for pushing the issue.

On a side note their no law that says people or myself have to be nice, but if you want me to that will be fifty dollars a day. No refunds.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
3:48 pm

czBrat

As you should… even if “momma” isn’t right she has to voice her concerns. I know when the little one gets to the age where I disagree with her on a potential mate.. I will be shouting from the roof tops about my disapproval. If she’s an adult.. I have to let her choose her own way as my mom has… she’ll learn.

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
3:53 pm

Just because your child is an adult and is responsible for their own decisions does not mean a parent should state their concerns.

One thing I learned from my parents is at least they warned me from what they clearly saw after then it was all on me.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
3:56 pm

@ Professor

Even with you being sleepy… you manage to come in and hit it on the head!!!

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
3:56 pm

does not mean a parent should NOT state….

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
3:56 pm

Dream_n i just think it’s kinda funny (and even a bit hypocritical) that as much as i appreciated that from my parents i will admittedly NOT be that accepting of my own kids’ choices. oh well … guess i won’t be getting Mother of the Year. LOL

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
3:57 pm

Dream_n!

Thanks…you are too kind.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
3:59 pm

i remember my father telling me when i was 8 years old: “even if you bring home a bum off the streets, if you love him … i’ll love him”. and dam# if they didn’t do just that! LOL (ok. i was wrong for that jab at the ex)

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
3:59 pm

Isn’t that the same thing we’re all saying. A parent has a right to voice/school you on her concerns. As an adult it’s up to you whether you take heed or not. I’m still going to speak up. Kandi’s mom spoke from her heart, and there’s no age limit that states you need to sit back and shut up all the while watching a train derail into your child’s path. Voice your concerns. It’s up to the child if they want to get hit by the train!

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
4:01 pm

I appreciate everything my parents told me even when I did not heed their advice. Somethings I did hear and do which keep me out of more trouble than what I encountered.

I have talked to too many people that states they wish they had had someone to give them some type of guidance and advice throughout life.

Although most of us don’t listen when we think what we want is good for us, it’s better to not be able to look your parents in the face and ask “why didn’t warn me”. That is a question I never want my kids to have to ask me. So yes, they do get unsolicited advice and always will.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
4:02 pm

LOL @ Leggs!

Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!

October 19th, 2009
4:04 pm

I don’t watch RHOA, can we please not talk about that show?

Let’s talk football instead… ;-)

The Truth

October 19th, 2009
4:04 pm

Afternoon folks.

Happy Belated Sexy.

On topic: Being stubborn isnt cool. If I’m right I’m not budging but if you have good info I’m listening. I’m always trying to learn more. Why someone would not want to open their ears to their mate is beyond me. Not to mention most stubborn folks are usually WRONG. LOL

Tazz, just watched the Falcons game. I know, I’m late. LOL They looked great, well good. How bout them Raiders? We may meet your team in the Super Bowl.

Folks, its getting chilly over here. It dropped into the 90′S. Burrrrrrrrrrrr

I’m feeling pretty good about myself. I reached one of my financial goals ahead of schedule.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
4:04 pm

and there’s no age limit that states you need to sit back and shut up all the while watching a train derail into your child’s path. Voice your concerns. It’s up to the child if they want to get hit by the train!

MANN LEGGS!!! That statement hit home!!

(ok. i was wrong for that jab at the ex)
soo wrong lol

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:06 pm

Me being the devil: What about the cases where parents were wrong either forcing their children to marry or keeping them from marrying, or the parents that live their lives through their children and are always sticking their mouth in the children business…messing up relationships and marriages. Parents are not always right.

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
4:08 pm

Tazzee is there a football game on tonight?

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
4:09 pm

Taz – MND is a Bears fan. He was sick. I on the other hand was happily dancing around the apartment in a red tank top and black shorts doing the Dirty Bird!!!

AND…I heart Tom Brady. Which is good that he had the game that he did because I had Kerry Collins as my other FF QB. Tom Brady – 79.5 points to Collins’ -4.45 – wth?

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
4:12 pm

Professor, it’s not about forcing my opinion on my kids, it’s about speaking from life experience and helping them make choices with eyes as wide open as possible. in the end, i will always be there for them to console or to celebrate.

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
4:13 pm

Professor a parent acting from their heart to what they feel is in their child’s best interest is always honorable.

But a parent that tries to control their child’s life is not a good parent. A good parent does not try live their child’s life for them neither does a good parent try to relive their life thru their child. A good parent just to help their child see what is best. Even when the parent may be wrong.

Melo

October 19th, 2009
4:13 pm

Let’s talk football instead

well yeah,lets do it…

i think the falcons dofhed a bullet…their defence looks better this year tho.

Matt ryan is good but he aint arrived yet,i hope he gets better with time…

jenkins? not prime time material, i think..the other receiverrs were cold.My gran mom will beat finneran to that job…..

than God for Gonzales..but he aging

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
4:13 pm

You’re right, parents are not always right and that’s why the grown child needs to go with their gut feeling.

@Dream_n, it was a good jab! :lol:

Black Magic Woman

October 19th, 2009
4:14 pm

TRUTH…”Folks, its getting chilly over here. It dropped into the 90′S. Burrrrrrrrrrrr” :lol: Oh yeah…that’s a freeze over! Bring your rass back state side and see what cold is! :lol:

LEGGS…as long as I live I will accept opinions from my parents. In the end the decision is all mine. But that parental guidance has gotten me though some tough times….so why stop now. I know in the end..other than God, no one is going to look out for my well-being like my parents. Sometimes I can be wreckless.

Raqi

October 19th, 2009
4:14 pm

I would never tell my daughter “because I wasn’t able to do XYZ imma push you to do it”. She has her own life to live. I am living mine.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
4:17 pm

no Titans in the house today?

Melo

October 19th, 2009
4:17 pm

Taking of parents:

if u got saggy pants,grill and corn rows,u aint stepping into my house to date my daughers!

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
4:17 pm

The Falcons only won.. based off of the penalties. The QB is not even on the same level as Cutler…. My heart shattered when Clark didn’t make the catch!! I know I’m bitter lol

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
4:18 pm

Melo, you’re not coming in here at the last hour talking football….contribute to the topic at hand = dating, parenting grown folk, texting or phone call feigning interest, etc. Take your pic!

Melo

October 19th, 2009
4:22 pm

i did Leggs…today,no time for back an’ forth….

Wise Diva

October 19th, 2009
4:22 pm

sorry about that Tazzee, not sure why it got caught in there.

I’m having one of those days, guys, thanks for always keeping the discussion alive!

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:23 pm

@Raqi/czBrat I agree with both of you. I had a flash back of a few folks I know that parents controlled their lives and now they are alone and the mother is aging in one case and in the other case the mother is dead…so it is almost like the mothers were so controlling and isolated their daughters and look at the end results now.

@Melo I am not a parent, but I think cornrows are out of style…the young fellas are wearing locs now, and I have seen the skinny look too.

Dream please confirm the fashion these days. All I know is that I wear Trues when I am not in my business attire.

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:25 pm

Dream are you from the Chi?

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
4:27 pm

Taz – just read your freed comment. You are right. We had no clue. In fact, I was telling MND how happy you looked and he pointed out how you were cheering for Mr. You like you had on a skirt and pompoms. Y’all were so cute!!!

Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!

October 19th, 2009
4:28 pm

The Truth Hey Man! Congratulations on meeting that financial goal. Now you can come home, right?

Raqi Yes, there is a game on tonight. The undefeated Broncos against the San Diego Chargers. I’m hoping the Chargers QB doesn horrible – I can’t take losing in FF another week.

SCool I bet MND liked watching you dancing around in that outfit ;-) Matt Schaub got me 62 pts whereas Hasselbeck got me 0.30 pts. I couldn’t bear to start Cutler, if I did I would pretty much have a win this week. Oh well to that…

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:29 pm

@Melo I am ok with the young lads wearing that stuff, but I’ll be damn if I would date a 35 year old man dressing and talking like he is 15. “Shawty what yo name is,” as he blast some Plies or Gucci Mane…looking like a damn fool. Whew I vented and disgress

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
4:34 pm

yes, Truth congrats on reaching your goal!

i know lots of SD fans, but i’m with broncos tonight.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
4:35 pm

Professor

lol… The hill boots are what i’m going with this season… tan is looking rather goo too… girl i am not fashion guru!!! lmao.. I juss know what works for me:)

Chicago?? what gave it away lol! Yes ma’am i am :)

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
4:36 pm

Ok, I see you took “parenting!”

@Professor, I watched “Daddy’s Little Girls” for the first time last night and your post immediately had me thinking of the blind date she went on with a 40 year old who ordered skrimps and told her his goal was to be a rapper and proceeded to rap at the table. Oh my. If I ran up on something like that, first syllable out his mouf would have me in my car!

Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!

October 19th, 2009
4:39 pm

Dream_n and melo – a win is a win is a win. When it’s time to determine which teams make the playoffs, all that stuff is not going to matter. I could say that the only reason the Bears scored was because of our mistakes. In the end, the refs didn’t determine the outcome, the teams on each side of the ball did. although there was one bogus call against us…

SCool speaking of being stubborn, while we were in the car going at it, I was sitting there thinking “I know I’m right” but then I just looked at him and said “Baby, I’m sorry” – because it really was not that serious and honestly, we both were ‘right’. Oh and because we were standing outside by then and it was too cold for all that discussing, LOL.

You gotta send me that picture you took.

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:40 pm

Chicago is one of my favorite cities I go up there several times a year…sometimes just for a hotdog and to go to the museums.

I love boots I bought a few pair last year and I went online this morning and bought another pair…that was my treat to myself for being ½ done with my Christmas shopping. I used to love fashion now I just like it …I appreciate a few classic items here and there, though.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
4:44 pm

first thing i thought of when the mercury dipped … hats and boots!!

Melo

October 19th, 2009
4:45 pm

Tazzee,the game was fun,tho a comedy of errors… :lol:

I felt kinda sorry for the Ny giants.They got whooped like kindergarten kids by Drew Brees and Nu’ eelens! :lol:

Peyton and Drew Brees in the Super Bowl..Now that wld be some footbalashakalazanderboomshakafull !!

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
4:45 pm

@Leggs yes ma’am there are a lot of them out here acting cool trying to be like their little nephews and stuff. It is funny watching them, but when they step to you it is not funny at all!

Daddy’s Little Girls was a great movie I am not into Tyler Perry, but I really respect him for that movie and elevating my brothers to a certain point with the main character…

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
4:47 pm

Taz – I have to go buy a USB cord. Plan on doing that today. If my local neighborhood Radio Shack has what I need, I will download the pics tonight.