accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Stubborn is Not Sexy

I got called out on one of my issues in dating. I can be stubborn! I think all of us can be stubborn in a way. For me, when I am feeling particularly hurt or upset, I go into isolation mode and push people away.

This is something that I have only recently admitted to doing so that when the person I am dating sees me behave strangely, they can know what to do. Hopefully, that won’t include running for the hills!

It is hard asking for help when you are used to handling things on your own. A lot of us single people get really comfortable with the self-reliance and self-sufficient behavior. The important thing to remember is that it can come across as self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and stubborn is so not sexy, believe me.

Do you have a problem with being stubborn? Does the concept of compromise get totally lost on you? When are you going to stop being so stubborn? How are you changing this?

Have you ever dated someone who was pig-headed and stubborn? How did you handle it?

Do you think stubborn people are doomed to be alone or is there a way to make a breakthrough?

211 comments Add your comment

Professor

October 19th, 2009
8:48 am

Happy Monday!

Well Wise, please join the club I am the same way.

Professor

October 19th, 2009
9:00 am

Do you have a problem with being stubborn?

Yes!

Does the concept of compromise get totally lost on you? Not really it just takes me longer to comprise and share…hell I am spoiled blame my parents.

When are you going to stop being so stubborn? Probably never, but I am working on being less stubborn.

How are you changing this?

I am changing this by looking at my actions honestly and going from there. Maybe that means apologizing or compromising more.

Do you think stubborn people are doomed to be alone or is there a way to make a breakthrough?

No we are not doomed to be alone we need someone that have the patience to deal with us as we become more compromising.

CNN

October 19th, 2009
9:07 am

GM Atlanta

I can be stubborn at times. I am working hard to change though. I am the oldest of my siblings so I am used to people relying on me. So for me to rely on others sometimes it makes me feel weak even if I should.

I can be especially stubborn when I have something set in my mind to do and the person I am dating wont go along with me. I get this My way or the highway mentality. However I am working to change I know you have to be flexible in a relationship.

Hopeless Romantic

October 19th, 2009
9:29 am

Post divorce I have learned to quickly pick my battles. Stubborness occurs when I won’t let go of a very specific outcome that I believe will make me happy. At the end of the day, I am responsible for my own happieness.

Since I am an uber reliable person, when I am dating someone, I communicate that I expect to have a reliable partner: someone who does what they say will do. Of course there are exceptions, and life happens, so I”m not expecting a perfect person. But if I am feeling stressed because of someone else’s ongoing drama, aka, they can’t get their $**t together, then go figure it out. Or don’t make promises that you cannot or will not keep.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
9:41 am

GM ALL

WOW! Talk about great timing on this subject, Wise. Yes. I’ve been divorced for quite some time and I’m set in my ways. I’m independent by circumstance, not necessarily by choice. This has been a sticking point with my s/o because he wants to ‘take care of me’. How do we work through it? Communication. His love language is verbal; mine is action.

So yesterday my s/o shows up unannounced, lets himself in through the garage and proceeds to:
1. cement the mailbox that my daughter ran over two weeks ago
2. seal my sunroof until i can get the latch repaired for it to close properly.
3. push my son’s disabled car out of the garage so my daughter & i can park inside.
4. clear my front and back yard of all the limbs that have fallen from all these heavy rains.
5. made dinner for me & my munchkins
6. massaged the tension out of my shoulders because i’ve had a couple of stressful weeks (ya think?)

Mind you, I knew none of this was going on until the smell of dinner brought me out of my bedroom.

I really think a girl could learn to be a lil’ less set in her ways :)

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
9:42 am

Good morning. I had a fabulous weekend.

I’m not a stubborn person. I don’t mind yielding/compromising. Although I’m self-reliant, I have no problem loosening the reins when I need to.

I feel the same way, HopelessR. The word “promise” is a big word for me. If you promise ANYTHING, I expect you to deliver.

Professor

October 19th, 2009
9:42 am

Hopeless,

I am with you on not letting go a specific situation. I am the same way, not to mention I have high, well that is not correct VERY high expectations, so I always expect people to “know how to act,” “know what to do”, or “do what they say” etc. Now I am learning that realistic expectations are the best…knowing that people will probably do what they have always done and either I accept them for that or I roll out.

CNN, when you are used to setting your mind and achieving what you set out to be, well yes it is easy to dismiss or become stubborn with those that are “stumbling” blocks to you.

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
9:49 am

Good for you czB, but he must be a quiet worker if you didn’t know any of that was going on until dinner. :wink:

CoolShadow

October 19th, 2009
9:54 am

I can appreciate the self-reliance and independence aspects; they are reflections of taking responsibility for your actions and decisions. It’s the other end of that spectrum that would concern me more, i.e., co-dependency. It’s not cool when people see you coming that they automatically think that you’ll want something from them.

There’s a fine line between being determined and being stubborn. Both aspects exhibit a strong-willed mindset about life, decisions, etc. The difference is that stubbornness shows an inflexibility to change or entertain differing perspectives. Stubbornness can be the asphyxiation to a relationship that you’re trying to breathe life into.

Professor

October 19th, 2009
9:54 am

@czBrat…now that is whats up! I like a man that can take charge and make things happen!

@Leggs what did you do this weekend? I think I had to much fun I did a weekend trip away and I am still feeling it.

abc

October 19th, 2009
10:03 am

The thing about self-absorption, inflexibility, and so-called stubbornness is that, to me, it represents stupidity, as in just plain lack of intelligence. In the absence of the ability to be rational, such people will fall back on an emotional response and insist on that which is most familiar.

Not to cast aspersions upon you, Diva, or others that would confess to being stubborn. I’ve been described as being stubborn myself. While I would require someone to present compelling reasons why I should change my mind about something, I’m not inflexible. For my baby, the only compelling reason I need is that she has a different preference — but that pretty much applies to only her. If I were to refuse her preferences due to lack of compelling reasons, that would be a fine example of abc being dumb as a box of hair, and that’s kind of what I’m talking about.

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
10:05 am

@Professor ~ went to the hairdresser and got a new “do”. Put on one of my favorite flirty dresses and went to a b-day party in Hampton, GA (somewhere behind “God’s back”) Whew, a 45 min ride and had a blast. Took pj’s and toothbrush just in case I didn’t want to drive back home, but I went home. Got up and went to church Sunday morning. Washed clothes and made a nice Sunday dinner. Well spent weekend. I danced, I danced, and I danced!

Seriously, czB, that was very nice and thoughtful of your man to do that while giving you time to relax. Acts of kindness done from the heart are the most rewarding.

CNN

October 19th, 2009
10:10 am

Leggs – Sound like you had a great weekend.

I know I did. Enjoyed the weekend with family and friends and kept myselft busy with my ministry work. Feel asleep Sunday night and felt good like I had done a lot for Jehovah.

CNN

October 19th, 2009
10:11 am

*myself *Fell

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
10:12 am

@Leggs and Professor yes. it was awesome. i actually went home early Friday feeling under the weather and spent all weekend in bed. he worked quietly on purpose so as not to disturb me :) this is the first time i’ve met someone who WANTS to be my everything, and i have to admit it does ease my fears about giving in a little; showing the softer side. having discussed love languages early on in our relationship is really helping us get over the hurdles.

i'm swiss

October 19th, 2009
10:13 am

czBrat — I hope you rewarded your SO with a little sumpin’ sumpin’… Dude earned it! ;-) :lol:

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
10:15 am

Three Words Daily – Gotta love Mondays.

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
10:15 am

CNN – I did. Your weekend sounds very fulfilled as well. Different ways of doing things, but outcome still the same. Our soul’s thirst was quenched (for now).

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
10:19 am

sounds like lots of my blog buddies had great weekends! i’m happy for each and every one. Professor where did you go? if you don’t mind sharing.

Swiss he took a raincheck. he had to stop in and check on his father before getting back home to his own kids. you’re right, i owe him!

Professor

October 19th, 2009
10:19 am

@Leggs you had a blast this weekend and I know you enjoyed dancing.

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
10:20 am

Had the best birthday weekend of my life. Many thanks and MAD LOVE to all that came out to Copeland’s at Atlantic Station on Friday. I’m not so sure they are going to let us back in there EVER. And Tazzee, um, yeah…NO MORE bowling in dahood EVER. Spent the day yesterday boo’d up and watching football.

Life is grand.

Professor

October 19th, 2009
10:21 am

@czBrat I was in south beach and I smoked some very fine cigars. I can back on yesterday and went to the movies.

I can always tell the weekends I enjoy the most, because I am sitting here now thinking about this upcoming weekend.

Professor

October 19th, 2009
10:22 am

@CNN are you a minister (if you don’t mine telling)?

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
10:26 am

And no, I’m not particularly stubborn and usually don’t have a problem compromising for as much as I think I’m set in my ways.

However, I have found that choosing mates and friends with whom you have similiar interests and beliefs makes it easier to compromise because you’re typically doing something that you would normally do anyway. It’s usually just a question of arranging the details.

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
10:29 am

czB ~ three words = Good for you! Good for you!

Professor

October 19th, 2009
10:31 am

I meant I “came” back on yesterday and went to the movies and out to eat. Whew I guess I am still tired…

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
10:35 am

Good Morning All…

Stubborn, headstrong, brat, spoiled.. traits that I am trying to work on.
I tend to get very bratty when things don’t go my way…..

Compromising… I belive I can compromoise, but it depends on what I have to compromise on…

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
10:35 am

Happy B-day SexyC keep climbing!

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
10:36 am

Happy B-lated B-day SexyCool!!!

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
10:39 am

Happy B-lated Birthday, SexyC! Sounds like you too had a blast!

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
10:41 am

Compromising… I belive I can compromoise, but it depends on what I have to compromise on…

LOL @ Dream_n welcome back. how was your vacation?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 19th, 2009
10:42 am

Morning All!

I dont have a problem with compromise as long as its a two way street. I dont like conflict and if its something that isnt that serious to me then compromise is cool. However I will admit to being stubborn, moreso with my actions than by my words. If im not feeling it, my actions will show it. But also my level of compromise will depend on how I feel about you. IF im into you it makes it easier….

Glad you enjoyed yourselves this weekend ladies!

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
10:48 am

@ czBrat

Vacation was filled with running errands, doc’s appointment, buying the little one’s halloween costume and resting on Sunday to watch the footbal game. Not your typical vacation, but very productive lol

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
10:52 am

Hey

Dream-n what will the little one be this year for halloween? That reminds me I need to get some candy.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
10:54 am

i don’t mean to be stubborn. i’ve learned to rely on myself, so it just takes A LOT for me to give up the steering wheel. the plus is that this position really makes a man step up if he wants to be my lead.

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
10:56 am

Oh, yeah and what Mo said, compromise is a two way street. As long as there is balance and moderation in compromise, I’m cool with it.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
10:59 am

Professor

I kept trying to make her be the new black princess lol… but she wanted to be cinderella.. so cinderella it is. lol

Leggs

October 19th, 2009
11:00 am

Looks like you can see Cloud 5 a little clearer. :lol:

For Real

October 19th, 2009
11:01 am

Stubborn, headstrong, brat, spoiled = Run Forrest Run!!!

Kym: http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/08/the-opt-out-myth/

czBrat: Can I borrow Mr. Bookman this weekend?

Happy Bday SexyCool!!!!

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
11:02 am

Leggs – Yeah, won’t be long before I’m at Cloud 5 strong. I didn’t get the czBrat full special this weekend, but he did take my truck and get it washed for me. LOL!

Professor...sleepy and tired

October 19th, 2009
11:03 am

@Dream…I am so excited about the new black princess!!! Carol’s daughter was commissioned to make products featuring her! I can not wait. I know little dream_n will make pretty cinderella

For Real

October 19th, 2009
11:09 am

Oh and a compromise is NOT a two way street.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 19th, 2009
11:09 am

Hey For Real!

Dream_n – that is soo cute!! I love to see the kiddies dressed up!

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
11:11 am

For Real

You didn’t keep reading lol… I’m working on those!

Professor… Although she would have been more convincing as pocahantas.. lol
I’m so excited too.. as soon as it hits the theater I’m going to be there.
I went to the dept stores on Sat.. and they already have all of the accesories to make a themed room… sheets, lamp, pillows, blankets, and rugs.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 19th, 2009
11:11 am

Alright For Real (dare I ask), why is compromise NOT a 2 way street??

SexyCool - Status - At about 4.8 on the Cloud Scale

October 19th, 2009
11:11 am

For Real – Let me see if I can restate that – how about this? – as long as we are compromising on both sides of the street, I’m cool.

czBrat

October 19th, 2009
11:12 am

@For Real … that’s gonna be a big HE!! NO! but i’ll help you find your own :)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 19th, 2009
11:18 am

SexyCool – agreeing with that 11:11, I dont want to be the one always compromising on issues and vice versa.

Dream_n (i just don't understand the Bears:(

October 19th, 2009
11:26 am

I just don’t want to always be compromising… :)

Tazzee - WHAT A WIN!!!

October 19th, 2009
11:37 am

Morning Folks!!!

I’m a little set in my ways but not stubborn. I love to hear another person’s POV and I’m willing to change how I’m doing things if their way is better. I think I’m quite flexible because, in the grand scheme of things, a lot of stuff really doesn’t matter. As others have said, as long as the other person is able to compromise it’s good.

I feel like this, I can do things the way I like to do them when it’s just me. When I travel with friends, there’s a lot of compromise going on because I know that when I get home, in my own house – it’s back to Tazzee’s way. With my fiance’ there’s not a lot of areas where we have to compromise because the things that are pretty major to him, don’t matter to me and vice versa.