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Keep it Between Us

A reader emailed because she wants help getting out of the doghouse with her boyfriend. This past weekend, he heard her on the phone discussing their relationship with a close friend. He was particularly upset because she was  talking about their bedroom activities as well.

His point was that you don’t give explicit details about what we do in private. He doesn’t understand her need to talk about it, especially if there are no problems.  Now he doesn’t think she is trustworthy and he thinks she’s immature.  She is in her early 20s, so it’s probably a hard lesson to learn but at least she learned her lesson.

Would it bother you if someone you were dating constantly talked about your relationship with other people? How would you handle it?

Guys, have you ever dated someone who would discuss your sex life with other people? Did it bother you? If so, why?

Ladies, do you think that it’s good practice to talk about your man’s skills to other women? Why do so many women do that? Would it bother you if your man or husband shared details about your sex life with his friends?

371 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:56 am

Although one of the funniest skits I ever heard was Jeff Foxworthy talking about single “redneck” men. He said they always had the greatest stories. One of them went something like this:

“there I was, naked, tied to the bed…30 weight motor oil spread all over my body…she walked into the room, carrying a saddle and a set of jumper cables”…

Now that appeals to me for some reason, lol, but if told something like that…BBBBBSSSSS.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
10:57 am

Ladies if a woman ever steps to you and tell you that she took your man, let her know that she actually relieved of your problem and thank her for it. If he cheated he was nothing but a problem.

@Raqi – Additionally, You might be A) breathing a sigh of relief B) Laughing uncontrollably…..because of what you (secretly)do know. or C)Feeling sorry for her.

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
10:57 am

Wow….great comments. I see the general consensus is shut your mouth…I agree…whole heartedly!

Kym

October 15th, 2009
10:58 am

Good Morning All,

Why am I hearing Run-DMC’s You talk to much..and Rumors playing as the theme for this blog?

Everythang aint for everyone to know..that is why it is called your personal life. We vent to our friends ourside of the issue not because we want an objective opinion but because we want someone to take our damn side. However, respect is still owed to the SO, hubby, BF or whoever that we don’t venture to far out there with all the bedroom antics and details. Because as some have said already..don’t think everyone who calls you friend is your friend..what’s that line from Whodini.. “she shook your hand and stole your man..move so sweet it had to be a plan.. wouldn’t trust her cheese let alone your keys..friends like that you don’t need enemies.”

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
10:58 am

RAQI – This was after I got divorced and ran into two of her friends on separate occasions… One was very overt with it and the other was ohh so subtle and discrete

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
10:59 am

In details…what goes on between two consenting loving adults is private and should remain. It sort takes away the thunder when EVERYBODY knows all your business, the who what when where how and why. Just so much sweeter when it’s just between the two of you.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
11:01 am

@Tazzee, knowing that a multitude of women will see the pic is exactly the point… the problem arises when he thinks he is working with more than he really is.. LoL but if is judgement is correct a few mms pics might pay off

@ Willie Dynamite I will report back if there are any noteworthy events within the next 3 months… LoL

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
11:01 am

Raqi – And no I didnt sleep with her friends cause at that point I was on cant non of ya’ll get no good vibrations..

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:03 am

Oh okay Infamous that’s a whole different situation right there.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
11:04 am

Raqi – I do things but i do be dirty like that.. I have a code I live by no matter what hapened between us.. If I turned around and slept with her friends and it didnt work out because it wouldnt have worked that would have validated all she said.. So I passed on both of them and politely told them that “Im not that kind of guy”.. “Im not easy”.. It was funny to see their faces.. Did I flirt to the edge just to see how far they would go? yes..

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
11:05 am

Raqi – I dont be dirty like that..

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
11:09 am

DK – It was good to read that you live by a code. Thats lost nowadays and its evident on both sides that some just dont.

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
11:09 am

Mybye EPO’s girl is into 3somes and they’re setting him up for it. Or, maybe it’s a set-up…period. Hmmm

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
11:10 am

I only say that because I cannot fathom or imagine bringing a chick along that I know, will openly go after anybody’s man. Not that I would feel threaten but some things are just plain no-nos

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
11:10 am

“The quite dudes that say “almost” nothing, but display quiet confidence are the ones everyone thinks are really “laying pipe”.”

If you cain’t say Amen, say OUCH!!! Lol :)

i'm swiss

October 15th, 2009
11:11 am

Completely off topic, but this cracked me up.

Now, being a white boy, I like these guys, but shouldn’t that headline really have been that this band was actually still around, believe it or not:lol:

MR. Unknown

October 15th, 2009
11:12 am

Im sorry, its really hard to beleive that every woman on this blog doesn’t share details of what happens in the bed. Ya’ll are really telling us that, when you talk to you best friend everyday, about everything under the sun.. That you leave out the reasons of why your neck is crunched up today.. or why you needed to call in to work!?!
That at some point during your many many gossip sessions, intimate details are left out… RIGHHHHT!! I can see married women holding out, but the rest of you that are know to bump your gums are not getting a pass on that one…

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
11:13 am

Ms. Main – sometimes i can read behind screens…sooo i will give you this… Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath

Seal it.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
11:15 am

@Ms. Main All of that has been considered and then some… but if she wants a 3some either ask, or just show up with a friend… its just that simple. Or if you are shy about it just have a friend at the crib when I come over… do the ole leave the door unlocked trick and let her wander in while we are getting down.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
11:18 am

Ladies have you ever become friends with the mate of someone that you dated?

My college sweetheart and his wife are two of my dearest friends, I love them both and totally honor what they have built…….their son ( whom I adore) calls me Auntie. His parents still love me and I them. Respect…..goes a long way.

William

October 15th, 2009
11:19 am

I grew up with the attitude I want a lady in the living room and a slut in the bedroom. Hmmm I guess keeping things between the two of you is the best way. As long as the two of you are communicating the do’s and donts and the goodies and the “no ways”.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
11:21 am

Im sorry, its really hard to beleive that every woman on this blog doesn’t share details of what happens in the bed. Ya’ll are really telling us that, when you talk to you best friend everyday, about everything under the sun.. That you leave out the reasons of why your neck is crunched up today.. or why you needed to call in to work!?!

@Mr. – Why talk to the girls when I can: A) Call or text him for Re-cap of what we did B) Blog annousmly or C) If it was bad……get us some counseling.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:22 am

If I turned around and slept with her friends and it didnt work out because it wouldnt have worked that would have validated all she said

Yep. Infamous that’s about like someone bragging on their mother’s cooking but when you finally get invited over for dinner it tastes like spoiled dog food. And that’s either because she was having an off day that day or it in fact always has tasted like spoiled dog food but every body’s taste is different.

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
11:24 am

Righteo – Cemeeli

EPO – Just things that make you say hmmmm. Maybe not, just a passing thought with someone being so free and open with someone knowing how they operate. Who brings a 3rd person?

Mr Unknown- You’re blogging with grown folks. Like someone said earlier, loose lips sank ships. Maybe when we were younger but uh uh, not now.

kinderbabe

October 15th, 2009
11:25 am

@Mr. Unknown. I believe you’re right that when it’s some random dude or chick folks are likely to spill the beans b/c they don’t really care. when you have a significant other (which is possible w/o being married) you don’t want everyone to know everything that goes on. there is a lot of privacy in true intimacy.

William

October 15th, 2009
11:25 am

What if it gets back to him that he is toooo small?

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
11:25 am

Where is our lil mama Dream_n?

Tazzee - There's nothing better than love

October 15th, 2009
11:25 am

EPO – well I’m not trynna look at random packages, so I just don’t understand that fad.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:26 am

LOL Mr.Unknown. I ain’t gon say nothing.

Ms. Main just getting in

October 15th, 2009
11:27 am

EPO – maybe she’s trusting like that…who knows

Kym

October 15th, 2009
11:27 am

Mr. Unknown I have friends who share too much..I have to shut them up because I remind them that I am a visual thinker..I don’t need some images burned into my brain. Others share basic..and others are repressed. But going down the list and convo..most of my friends are the leave something to the imagination types. You had sex with so and so…you like it I love it…done. No one is asking for a blow by blow Zane version of the events. Sex(means someone was naked or partial naked..and someone did something that someone else liked..) got it good. Moving on.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:29 am

Where is our lil mama Dream_n?

I think I read that they went on vacation.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
11:29 am

kinderteach – Miss Lady I have given you a couple shout outs…and i’m tired nah!!…How was the trip to the islands? What have you been up too?

SexyCool - Cloud 4 is so cool.

October 15th, 2009
11:30 am

I guess I never really talked about what I do and/or don’t divulge about my relationship. To my gfs, I will discuss general stuff (where we went to dinner, what we did over the weekend) and tell him some of the wonderful things he does.

With my bffs, maybe a little more and may mention that he kept me up all night. ~giggling~ I’m mature and discerning enough to know what kinds of things are not even worth discussing and as I mention briefly earlier, I’m not telling anything that I don’t want her man or any of her other friends to know.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
11:32 am

As long as there is anonymity – the blog is the best place to share other then 1st going on your knees in prayer.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:33 am

With my bffs, maybe a little more and may mention that he kept me up all night.

Yep. SexyCool You are not sharing the number of thrusts and how low he is hanging, just the fact of that’s why youz a little sleepy today. LOL

kinderbabe

October 15th, 2009
11:34 am

@cemeeli…hey!!!! i’m so sorry i missed my shout outs. i just flash on here and flash off…lol. i posted a few times over the last couple weeks but did not follow up and read later. how have you been? how is your lil guy’s school year going?

SexyCool - Cloud 4 is so cool.

October 15th, 2009
11:34 am

And yes, I will share a juicy detail every now and then with my closest gfs and my sister. But spilling ALL my bedroom secrets on a regular? Ain’t happen’n.

czBrat

October 15th, 2009
11:36 am

AARGH!! so much to say but my phone won’t stop ringing!! ditto Ms. Main’s 11:24 tho. i think most on this blog are a bit older and wiser. Mr. Unknown, if we say we’re not the kiss & tell types it’s cuz we just aren’t (now).

same thing DK said about guys applies to the ladies. those who brag are usually the one’s trying to cover something. those who complain (i’ve found) are usually chicks that just complain about LIFE anyway.

SexyCool - Cloud 4 is so cool.

October 15th, 2009
11:37 am

I might say something like, “Giiirrrrllll, he does this thing with his pinky toe and my left kneecap that drives me CRAZY!!!!!”

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
11:38 am

Yeah I can Yapp out here but in person I dont talk to people like that..

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:39 am

he does this thing with his pinky toe and my left kneecap that drives me CRAZY

ROTFLMBO

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
11:39 am

SC – I knew it, I knew it. You are a certified USDA Grade A FREAK. lol!!!

Melo

October 15th, 2009
11:40 am

maybe a little more and may mention that he kept me up all night. ~giggling~

that will get them curious coz it means he got endureeeence & stamina, he strong and he can giit it up all nite! :lol: :lol:

I think I read that they went on vacation.

even if she got a kid with this dude,how does she get excited about vacationing with a dude that she intends to ghost in a month or so??
Is that the abc thang,women being dirty lil secret keepers all the daaamn time??

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
11:43 am

When I read the topic this morn I automatically thought about Dream_n. Was I the only one?

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
11:43 am

SexyCool I just don’t be telling the stuff like he gotz a tornado twirling tongue that sends me………

Let me stop before I have folks throwing holy water on their screens at me.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
11:43 am

@ SCool – Tell us ’bout that pinky toe and kneecap!?! Lol

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 15th, 2009
11:44 am

Whats happening Party People!

okay I come on and read about SCool’s kneecap and her new dudes pinky toe……well dayum!! LOL!

Dont do the yappin to friends. First off my BF is a guy anyway so he dont want to hear all that! Now my closest female friends are family (cousin & sis) but I still dont divulge err’thang, Other than “oh he can get it!!” :smile:

SexyCool - Cloud 4 is so cool.

October 15th, 2009
11:44 am

See, Raqi – you always posting that stuff that makes folk wanna go home and ‘eat’ for lunch.

Tazzee - There's nothing better than love

October 15th, 2009
11:45 am

SCool – LOL at the pinky toe and knee cap.

I don’t even think my friends want to know the intimate details. We just don’t talk about stuff like that – or maybe they talk about it when I’m not around, but I doubt.

After I revealed that I’d actually done the act, the only question I got was ‘was it good?’ or ‘was it worth it?’

This discussion reminds me of Kevin Hart’s stand-up – when he talks about eating a$$ :lol: