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Keep it Between Us

A reader emailed because she wants help getting out of the doghouse with her boyfriend. This past weekend, he heard her on the phone discussing their relationship with a close friend. He was particularly upset because she was  talking about their bedroom activities as well.

His point was that you don’t give explicit details about what we do in private. He doesn’t understand her need to talk about it, especially if there are no problems.  Now he doesn’t think she is trustworthy and he thinks she’s immature.  She is in her early 20s, so it’s probably a hard lesson to learn but at least she learned her lesson.

Would it bother you if someone you were dating constantly talked about your relationship with other people? How would you handle it?

Guys, have you ever dated someone who would discuss your sex life with other people? Did it bother you? If so, why?

Ladies, do you think that it’s good practice to talk about your man’s skills to other women? Why do so many women do that? Would it bother you if your man or husband shared details about your sex life with his friends?

371 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:09 am

@ Raqi re: 9:53

Exactly. I talk too much perhaps here but I do it in anonymity and also usually to explain a point I am trying to make. I would never share this stuff with anyone who knows me or anyone I am seeing.

CAZ

October 15th, 2009
10:09 am

Yeah,There are things guy’s don’t discuss with each other such as hygeiene.And even though my Girl will tell me things(gossip) about other girlfriends or couples and I listen,it usually goes in one ear out the other. I have enough to deal with on a daily basis, I don’t want or need other peoples issues/problems clouding what’s important to me & my family to be.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:11 am

The key is to know your Friends. And know them well.

I remember talking to my confidant about something that wasn’t really that private but I was confiding just the same. She told me that I was the one wrong and off base. That right there let me know that she would one day make an incredible friend. And she is.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:12 am

@THE INFAMOUS DK I second that motion!
After my 5 yr relationship ended I made certain to never say a bad word about her to my family.. my mother and sister loved this girl like she was a part of the family… But about a year after the break up they saw the true colors, and now I think they can’t stand her more than me. It took a while but now they have nothing good to say about that chick, and I can sleep well knowing that its not because of a word I spoke.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:13 am

CAZ Exactly.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:13 am

@ I’m swiss

Exactly. Also as I said a few days ago, men don’t talk about hteir wives because, as you said, if it is good we don’t want them getting ideas, and if it is bad, we don’t want them knowing we screwed up.

czBrat

October 15th, 2009
10:13 am

GM All!

I’m not one to share details of my personal relationship with anyone. I’m just very private that way. However, I wouldn’t mind (or care to know) if my s/o discusses any aspect of our relationship with others.

Melo

October 15th, 2009
10:15 am

You just don’t tell that kind of explicit stuff period

well said….
the next time u tell ur female friend,she be pining for ur man…..

U do tell if u not serious about the person…or if ur mouth is just wack like that.

Morning!

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:16 am

OK so let’s flip the scenario…..
Why do ladies tell the man they are dating all about the one girl in the group who is promiscuous or who is the “man stealer”?

Further…why do ladies insist on bringing the guy you are dating around this chick?

If you have that one home girl who likes to run through dudes, is it supposed to be a test to see if your date will take the bait?

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:16 am

Swiss It’s funny how it’s not just females that talk males do too…there are some men that will run-a-muck about their relationship and share all deets.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:18 am

Now the folks that tell their mamas, cousins, stepbrothers, next door neighbor any and everything are just setting themselves up for trouble.

I have a saying “don’t expect me to hate them for you”. And that’s what happens a lot. You tell you mama nem all your business and disagreements and at the next family gathering every body looking at your mate like they got third head. That just ain’t right.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:18 am

Leggs You’ve got mail.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:19 am

Men might confide AFTER a relationship ends…sort of to explain what happened or did not happen, but almost never during the relationship.

Besides, as my wise uncle told me years ago, “it does not do any good to complain because statistically 85% of the people you complain to, don’t care…and the other 15% are actually glad that you are miserable”. Keeping the ‘boys’ up to date on the romantic life…NEVER.

Melo

October 15th, 2009
10:19 am

Men don’t typically talk to our buddies about something like that unless ol girl was a jump-off.

Right Willie!!

But, We aint telling nobody nothing bout the Mrs

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:19 am

Why do ladies tell the man they are dating all about the one girl in the group who is promiscuous or who is the “man stealer”?

EastPoint, why would anyone do that?

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:20 am

Why do ladies tell the man they are dating all about the one girl in the group who is promiscuous or who is the “man stealer”?

Who does this for real? If she is YOUR friend and she’s promiscuous..auh….what does that say about you?!

why do ladies insist on bringing the guy you are dating around this chick?

Yea, right!

If you have that one home girl who likes to run through dudes, is it supposed to be a test to see if your date will take the bait?

Wow…still playing games?!

Thanks East Point that was interesting..and funny.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:22 am

@ Cemeeli The fact is that yes, some men somewhere do run their mouths like women do… but the vast, vast majority of men do not share intimate details of their lives with anyone outher than their mate. I would dare to say that most women talk to at least 1 person other than their mate about the details of their life… Form what I know, experience, and see most men do not.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
10:23 am

Also, you gotta watch the Dedicated Haters who wanna have something to say about the man/woman that they may have once had a thing for………..that is so suspect.

Like my Moma use to say say, “If you don’t got nothing good to say about someone, don’t say anything at all”.

Bravo – to the Men/Women who did not bash their ex’s to the family…the truth always shows up.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:23 am

“Why do ladies tell the man they are dating all about the one girl in the group who is promiscuous or who is the “man stealer”?”

They do!!! I think to get a feel for what the man’s reaction is going to be…not knowing that the dude is thinking to himself, “write that down, quick, in the rolodex for future reference”…while telling the lady that that is awful and he is seriously disappointed. LOL.

Leggs

October 15th, 2009
10:24 am

“loose lips sink ships…and relationships…and marriages”

^5 That’s the bottom line!!!

@EastP ~ loving your 10:12!

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
10:28 am

EPO – We are in the dating range of anything goes and standards and morals are low.. Dude I see it all the time.. Best friends cutting eyes.. I have been sexually harrassed by two of my EX’s supposedly best friends.. It funny.. One of em said well at least I know you will commit..

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:28 am

@ EastPoint – Call me coy, introvert, secretive…whatever…i have some girlfriends I only deal with on a short leash, and then I’m out! They call me just to make sure I’m aight…then ask about work …or the child…but the man <— is my territory, and I protect my pride…

but…that's just me…Ask Kym about how we do that.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:32 am

LOL @ DK

“The times they are a changin” In my pre-marital days, my lady’s friends would be all flirty and “available” while we were dating and I was committed, but the minute we broke up, they would read me the riot act if I even thought about asking them out. No way they would betray their BFF. I do not understand women, I really don’t, they do not hink like men, that is for sure!!!

i'm swiss

October 15th, 2009
10:33 am

“It’s funny how it’s not just females that talk males do too”

Cee — From my experience if I guy is telling all his business to other guys, he’s not really that into the girl anymore. And if he’s telling his business to other girls, he’s looking for a sympathy phluck. :lol:

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:34 am

@ EastPoint – Call me coy, introvert, secretive…whatever…i have some girlfriends I only deal with on a short leash, and then I’m out! They call me just to make sure I’m aight…then ask about work …or the child…but the man  my territory, and I protect my pride…

..but that’s me…

CAZ

October 15th, 2009
10:34 am

When I was out there on the open market so to speak,when trying to get to know a Lady and the conversation went to previous relationships. Regardless of how they may have ended I always said positive things,it’s a mental thing. First it sends out the vibe that I dated classy ladies and that I was’nt looking for drama. Secondly I never knew who knew who,that womens club is wide & far reaching. Third to much negativity is never a good thing when trying to impress.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:34 am

I have been through that probably twice in the last year. At least 2 women I have dated have brought that chick around on a date with me. Actually last night was one of those times… I went out with a chick last night who had just told me Tuesday about the chick who stole the friend’s man and guess who was at dinner with us last night… I was like Wooooowwwww are you for real??? I wanted to get her number just for the heck of it… (but I didn’t do it…this time)

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:34 am

One of em said well at least I know you will commit

But you know what Infamous most women feel that way about any married. He is married therefore at least at that time willing to commit.

But you know how I see it, I could not trust a man that cheats on his wife that he is “committed” to even if it was with me. How committed is he really if he cheats? So while women are out there thinking they are stealing other women’s husbands they are actually getting themselves a cheater.

If I cheat on my husband to be with you, I am a cheater. And you should know I just may do it again when the next guy better than you comes along.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
10:36 am

Good Call Swiss on the sympathy pluck..

Randy – Besides, as my wise uncle told me years ago, “it does not do any good to complain because statistically 85% of the people you complain to, don’t care…and the other 15% are actually glad that you are miserable”.
Thats some good ish right there..

Melo

October 15th, 2009
10:37 am

if he’s telling his business to other girls, he’s looking for a sympathy phluck

aaaaghhhh those,Swiss..u the best this merning! :lol:

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:38 am

At dinner last night I even asked her ” Is that the chick you told me stole your other friend’s man?” and she said yeah, that’s her…
I was like Woooooow…. are you for real?????

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:38 am

Swiss – Don’t get it twisted…I/we can read a “symphathy talk tryna get it”…to a…N’gro who talk to much!! type
There area some motor mouth dudes that are just ‘flyin off the cuff’…look around they are your boss, neighbor, friend, hommie, pizza delivery man…they come to sabotage the “man rule”…lol :)

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:39 am

@ Raqi re cheating.

What you stated is a simple, obvious, and fairly universal truth. I have never understood how women (or men) get involved with a cheater and then seem totally shocked/surprised when he/she does the same thing to them. Well DUHHHH.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:41 am

the chick who stole the friend’s man

But EastPoint the question is, is she able to keep that man, or those men? She going around stealing but no able to keep them means nothing. Guys that chase women that are known for taking a woman’s man should know that she is probably a one time wonder.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:42 am

Just like men know when a female is vunerable…a women know when a man is trying to talk his way about the capitol B, Kanshavia into her bedroom…

that’s old game..

i'm swiss

October 15th, 2009
10:43 am

“There area some motor mouth dudes that are just ‘flyin off the cuff’…look around they are your boss, neighbor, friend, hommie, pizza delivery man…they come to sabotage the “man rule”…lol”

You know when I say “guys” I’m not including gay dudes, right? ;-) :lol: ‘Cos otherwise, I haven’t met that many dudes who lay everything out there like that… Maybe it’s just the circle I’m in…?

MsLady D

October 15th, 2009
10:43 am

** luker joining the convo** I agree with what others have said. I don’t tell my GF’s too much about my
relationships and certianly not about my sexual activities in detail. I also limit what I tell my SO about GFs,
I don’t need any curiosity mishaps.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:43 am

@Raqi I don’t know all the details… as has been stated here today, I really did not care to hear her friend’s business, and I really wasn’t paying attention when she was babbling on about her… all I caught was ” she likes to pick up dudes when we go out and have sex with them” and ” she got my other friend’s man’s number last week” other than that I was thinking about something else….

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
10:43 am

Similac – regardless of the so-called popular opinion expressed by the masses on dis here blog. Its some trifling azz women out here that have plenty of BFF’s that they are hoodwinking. It’s also some bum-azz dudes that dont care nothin bout if she is or aint your BFF. Its easy for the real folks to figure it out but for some they will forever be clueless and classless trying to figure out why they keep getting got.

Melo

October 15th, 2009
10:45 am

should know that she is probably a one time wonder

they do know,she the only one that thinks it will be different this time,maybe.
At a certain stage in their lives,guys luv that sport and scoring on that one hot one,then go to their friends to tell and do the tally.

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
10:47 am

East Pernt – tell the truth mayne, you heard what you needed to hear. Come back in 3 mos and tell us how many out that whole crew you ran through. lol!!!

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:47 am

@ Swiss – stop laughing!! lol :) I am cause you have none in your circle but then in the same circle you have “the sympathy motor mouth friend”…you know the one that tells so he can get some…? remember him?

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:49 am

Ladies if a woman ever steps to you and tell you that she took your man, let her know that she actually relieved of your problem and thank her for it. If he cheated he was nothing but a problem.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:49 am

WillieD – i’m sitting down..big brother.

dapps

Tazzee - There's nothing better than love

October 15th, 2009
10:50 am

Morning Folks!

I don’t share the intimate details but my girlfriends and I do talk. Back when our relationship was approaching serious – I told my guy about my blog. I asked if he had any problems with it and he said no. He doesn’t want to read it, but I discuss all my posts concerning him with him.

I would never discuss the intimate stuff – that’s just not my style and I don’t understand women that do. Although I have had some associates that care to share, I can’t do it. I’ve seen pictures of men’s, umm, ‘packages’ that have been sent to them via text and everything.

don’t understand why men do that – don’t they know that picture is going to be seen by a multitude of females?

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:51 am

oh…lemme clean the mic off for ya’ll folk!

lol

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
10:51 am

Its easy for the real folks to figure it out but for some they will forever be clueless and classless trying to figure out why they keep getting got.

WD – Exactly! Now that’s real……….

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
10:52 am

@ Cemeeli and I’m swiss

It is a man thing. If dude is bragging about all of his conquests, his “boys” automatically think it is al BS. The quite dudes that say “almost” nothing, but display quiet confidence are the ones everyone thinks are really “laying pipe”.

Man Rule…”the more you talk the less you really do!!!”

i'm swiss

October 15th, 2009
10:52 am

“…you have none in your circle but then in the same circle you have “the sympathy motor mouth friend”…you know the one that tells so he can get some…? remember him?”

Cee — Exactly… I’m not saying guys never talk. I’m saying we don’t talk unless there is an agenda… :lol: If we’re with someone that we love & are happy with, we’re not going to be running our mouths to anyone, as a general rule…

kinderbabe

October 15th, 2009
10:54 am

i can see talking about the relationship in general but not specific bedroom stuff. i know i wouldn’t like it if he dished about what i did in the bedroom. i do have two very close girlfriends that i can talk candidly to when i’m having a relationship challenge. it’s good to have a friend to confide in.:)