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Keep it Between Us

A reader emailed because she wants help getting out of the doghouse with her boyfriend. This past weekend, he heard her on the phone discussing their relationship with a close friend. He was particularly upset because she was  talking about their bedroom activities as well.

His point was that you don’t give explicit details about what we do in private. He doesn’t understand her need to talk about it, especially if there are no problems.  Now he doesn’t think she is trustworthy and he thinks she’s immature.  She is in her early 20s, so it’s probably a hard lesson to learn but at least she learned her lesson.

Would it bother you if someone you were dating constantly talked about your relationship with other people? How would you handle it?

Guys, have you ever dated someone who would discuss your sex life with other people? Did it bother you? If so, why?

Ladies, do you think that it’s good practice to talk about your man’s skills to other women? Why do so many women do that? Would it bother you if your man or husband shared details about your sex life with his friends?

371 comments Add your comment

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
8:48 am

Would I tell some of my friends some of the stuff I tell you all? Uh, Nope.

Do I talk to my friends about some things? Yes, one in particular.

Would I do it in a place where my husband could hear me? Nooooo.

You have to know your partner and know what to talk about and what not to.

Stan

October 15th, 2009
8:58 am

I pretty much expect my wife to talk to her friends about our private details. To a point at least. Over time she has learned where to draw the line and not embarass me or anything. Though I am best friends with my wife, there are some things that she just can’t talk to me about.

I think dude needs to get over it, it happens.

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 15th, 2009
9:03 am

I dwell in the “this is our dirty little secret” camp…unless we just so happen to land on the topic amidst shopping it up. I don’t understand her need to talk about it, either. And I think what he thinks about her maturity level, etcetera, although I know women much older than her who feel like the minute details are okay for public consumption. Some have yet to master the lost art of how to just be still and hush. Guess I empathize with him cuz I’ve been introduced as .02 – - you know, the one I was telling you ’bout who bleeeeeeep… That was an W:shock:W :oops: MG W:shock:W moment if ever I had one. And he was 35ish.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:04 am

Good morning!

His point was that you don’t give explicit details about what we do in private.

He said it best!!! …

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:06 am

The fact that my friends and I often see each other and get together with our spouses makes unfavorable for me to talk to them about certain things even if I wanted to. These women are breathing living beings in our lives. They can look my husband in the face. I wouldn’t do that to him.

However, he has no problem with me expressing that he makes me happy as a wife, friend and lover. I just do it more subtly with people that I know personally and that knows him personally.

I think constant complaining is the worst. I hear people that constantly complain about their partners and what their partners aren’t doing. Whether it’s around the house or in the bed. I hate constant complainers. And I know my husband would rather I speak fondly of him instead of noting everything that I feel he is not doing the way I feel is correctly.

He and I have an agreement, if he and I can’t or haven’t laughed or joked about it, it’s off the table for discussion with anyone. However I do have a confidant. But she tells me stuff that I know she would not want me to repeat in front of her husband so I can trust her with what I tell her.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:08 am

mytwocents Hey lady!

let’s see here… W :razz: W and W :shock: W…hmmmm

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 15th, 2009
9:10 am

Chopping it up, not Shopping it up! Though I do feel a Shopportunity in the not so distant future. And what did CEMEELI do to my bulging eyes? Hmmm

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 15th, 2009
9:12 am

CEE, I knew it was you!

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:14 am

TwoLincolns, there is always a Shopportunity. Always. LOL

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:14 am

Three Words Daily – Love without fear.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
9:16 am

Good Morning Bloggers!

Bottom line – You don’t share intimate details with your girlfriends about your man…….

Mouth almighty and Tongue Everlasting might have to find out the hard way……y’all gone make me break out my Whodini music………you know I been in a throwback mood. LOL

Have A great Day and Imma Check back in………

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:17 am

@ mytwo – “Shopportunity in the not so distant future”….Can i go?

i know it’s early…but, i some Swedish meatballs…

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:18 am

Co-signing Stan.

MR. Unknown

October 15th, 2009
9:18 am

GM For guys, unless we are having a problem.. We don’t discuss NOTHING with our friends when it comes to wife or GF… I don’t want them knowing the way my wife or GF’s tat-tats bounce inside their head. And if we do talk its never in detail. That really Really bugs me, when a GF discloses personal info about me.
In my early 20’s, I could care less if she told the world about the stroke. But now I understand that it only breeds curiosity. Don’t women always say, there are certain secrets that they will take to the grave.. Wouldn’t having your back blowout by your bestfriends mate be considered one of those secrets… Just food for thought the next time you want to discuss your bed activities, especially to one of your friends that hasn’t had sex in awhile..

Professor

October 15th, 2009
9:19 am

GM,

Whew I think this was a sub-topic last week or something…so “gentle reader” you should have lurked better.

You just don’t tell that kind of explicit stuff period. Remember, “Loose lips sink ships.” I believe I shared this with the blog before my mom worked with a lady years ago that lost her husband to her neighbor/BFF. The wife told the neighbor/BFF everything from arguments to tongue hanging…can’t breath…calling on your savior sex moments. Well the neighbor gave it a try and took her husband, and according to the wife it was her mouth and the go over there and her neighbor/BFF with this or that you know she is single. Yes there are things you can share, but never pass up the opportunity to say nothing. If you are talking stop getting caught you know men eavesdrop too.

Hopeless Romantic

October 15th, 2009
9:25 am

WOmen talk…that’s just how we are wired. Personally I don’t share details because it’s my privacy too. I don’t ask what level of detail my partner shares because I do not want to micromanage what he can say to others. Communicate with your spouse or significant other what level of details you want him/her to share. Look at is as an opportunity to explore further how each other feels and thinks about these types of situations.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:27 am

Communicate with your spouse or significant other what level of details you want him/her to share

Exactly.

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:29 am

The other part of this – if your gf has a man and you talk to her about your stuff, I can guarantee you that her man knows some, if not all, of what you have talked about.

And that man has an opinion about it and about you.

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:30 am

As a result, I don’t share anything with my gf’s that I don’t want her man to know.

Wings -() (Human and Divine)

October 15th, 2009
9:32 am

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:32 am

If a guy leaves his woman for her single friend that she should not have been telling certain things to anyway, that probably means the business was not that as great for him as she was stating it was for her.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
9:36 am

I personally do not like a spouse/SO discussing our love lives. There is a point here that is being overlooked, and that is that the conversation will be one-sided, and “some of the facts” may distort the bigger picture.

For example: during the last year of my marriage, I intercepted a few emails from my eventual ex to her mother. Her mother was advising her that she could see no reason to ever stay in a relationship where there was no passion. Fair except for the fact that my ex was not revealing to her that she was using an anti-depressant she had been on for several years, Zoloft, that had been repeatedly noted to kill off 100% of desire in many of its users, and also often caused substantial weight gain. She also did not discuss with her mother how many of our sexual issues stemmed from the fact that she had been repeatedly sexually abused by her fine, upstanding father during her teen years and that sex had always been very difficult for her and had damaged our relationship from the beginning. She also conveniently failed to mention that through trial, error, and a dogged detrmination, I had learned how to bring her to an orgasm almost every single time.,,but that did not stop the ghosts of her father from invading our bedroom.

If it is great, it is no ones business. If there are issues, come to me first.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
9:39 am

What goes on in our house stays in our house..

Ladies that runninback mouth will get your team quarterbacked.. Thats right your closest girls gonna wanna ride the scream machine aka the mindbender..

See all that energy goin into telling ya friends the biz you need to be telling ya dude, cause half the time we dont even know ya’ll be on one about nothing..

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:39 am

Also, I won’t tell my SO anything of my gf’s business that may cause him to look at her in a certain way.

Because I see it like this, if my man thinks I have messed up unstable ass friends, he may start to look at me sideways and question MY judgement and/or character – you know, the whole birds of a feather thing.

So, some of the more out there, freaky, questionable stuff and/or stupid decisions get left under the table and in the closet.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:40 am

SexyCool, as for your 9:30, that is true, however there are things that my friend tells me that I just will not tell my husband. One reason being he is friends with my friend’s husband. I wouldn’t want to create an awkward moment during those times they hang out as buddies.

So far I feel I have that same level of trust in her.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
9:41 am

@ Prof re: “never pass up the opportunity to say nothing”

As a boss once told me many years ago, you don’t have to tell everything you know…he was right.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:43 am

I agree with RandyT stated here – “If it is great, it is no ones business. If there are issues, come to me first.”

By the time the one person tells a friend their side of the story, it’s distorted anyway…facts are left out…ect.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:43 am

So RandyT you are saying I should have never told you about my garter belt and thigh-highs? Now you tell me.

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:45 am

lol @ Infamous…What’s with the football correlations?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 15th, 2009
9:46 am

Raqi

In addition to beautiful fantasy/visual, you never actually shared what later happened, so this falls under “Techniques to Keep a Man Guessing…and in his Place” which is okay. ;-)

Professor

October 15th, 2009
9:48 am

What goes on in our house stays in our house..

That was always our motto growing up, but I do know men talk as well not sure how much they disclose I just feel keep your mouth close unless you are talking to the appropriate audience. Hey I live by that line everything is not for everybody. You would not tell your manager a sexual laced joke, nor would you tell your preacher that you were late to morning service because you had a big O…folks just talk to dayum much IMO and when they talk they are saying the wrong stuff to the wrong folks (usually).

SexyCool - Holding at Cloud 4.

October 15th, 2009
9:48 am

Raqi – my 939a kinda speaks to your 940a. So, yeah, I feel ya’ and as most often, we are >>>here<<<.

CAZ

October 15th, 2009
9:48 am

What the Girls talk about amongst themselves is of no concern to me, same for me and the Boy’s. But I don’t want or need to hear my Woman discussing our lovemaking with anyone & vice versa, so if she does want to talk do it when with the girls. Also this should include other topics like finance as well.

SexyCool - Cloud 4 is so cool.

October 15th, 2009
9:53 am

Just heard the new Ursha – Papers – much like RKelly that negro will sing about anydamnthing – including what goes on in his relationship.

Can’t help but think that Meka feelings may be hurt that could be why she allegedly keyed his car. Lord, please forgive me for gossiping this early in the day. ~LOL~

So, it’s safe to say he ain’t got no problem talking about what goes on in his relationship with THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ WORLD. But, it does get him paid.

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
9:53 am

Morning All,

I kinda agree with everyone on this one. What I have personally learned tho is this usually is a maturity thing. As with most relationship type items some Women tend to learn these things as they get a lil bit older or have a few misadventures. Men don’t typically talk to our buddies about something like that unless ol girl was a jump-off. But, We aint telling nobody nothing bout the Mrs.

Professor

October 15th, 2009
9:53 am

My hairdresser was talking once about she hope I find somebody and all that crap. I told her what makes you think I am single. She looked shocked, I was in a serious relationship at that time, but most of the ladies sit in there and talk all of this crap about their man and she never heard me say anything so she ass-u-me that I was having problems finding a man. My motto “my business is my own.”

Remember: The more you disclose the greater power you give someone else. So before you go running your mouth ask is this someone I should be handing power over to?

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:53 am

RandyT I think I did tell a little, but I see it like this, I avoid all blog gatherings and meetings. That is the agreement that my husband and I have.

So you reading anything that I say on here is no different than you reading a book or magazine. You don’t know the author personally.

But yeah, I am happy that you were happy. LOL

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
9:54 am

If she was just venting to her friend that is definitley different than what this story is projecting. If this guy (rightfully so) does’t want her telling the gf about the Russell Muscle and Gym Class, than she needs to respect that.

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
9:55 am

I do not recall ever talking to any of my guy friends about my sexual encounters with any woman (girlfriends included) beyond noting where one has “hit it” or not…
We do talk about sex in general on ocassion but not as it relates to a particular woman… unless we are comparing notes about a particular person multiple people I know have been with… In that case yeah we may go into detail… LoL

http://hispointofview.com

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
9:59 am

I don’t even think men are as comfortable talking to each other about certain things like woman are.

And most men don’t even want to know what is going on in your girlfriend’s life.

Talking amongst each other about relationships, good, bad, or in general, is more of a woman thing.

You just better know who you are talking with.

Willie Dynamite

October 15th, 2009
9:59 am

On another note, I must admit as a young man I appreciated the good ol college girl referrals. The gleam in the eye as she says ‘I hurd bout you’, Oh yeah. Boom chica boom boom.

Mike Jones (who)

October 15th, 2009
9:59 am

What goes on in the Bedroom should be kept private between the parties involved. The way I see it is if my S.O. girl friends weren’t involved in the bedroom rumble then they don’t need details of How we do, When we do, or What we do!” Now with that being said…(I won’t go there) lol

It pretty safe to assume that if she has no problem discussing what you do in the sack, she has no problem discussing other things you may consider private or personal. Spoken from experience!

Cemeeli

October 15th, 2009
10:01 am

speaking of venting…

If we get Community Coffee free…then why are we approving the budget for Starbuck’s dispensers?!?! Don’t make any sense…

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:01 am

loose lips sink ships…and relationships…and marriages
I’m just saying.

And there is (almost)nothing worse than when women go telling their view of one side of a situation to their friends/family, and then everybody looks at you funny and think you are scum, when they don’t even know half of the facts. That causes more problems in many cases than the initial issue between the man and woman having the problem. You will never solve a problem by telling a skewed persepctive of one side of a story.

And as far as discussing sex… Word of mouth advertising is the best kind.. so go tell all your girlfriends about what we do in the bedroom, and see what happens… or better yet don’t see what happens.

Raqi...The Luckiest Woman Alive

October 15th, 2009
10:02 am

Yes SexyCool >>>here<<<.

Leggs

October 15th, 2009
10:02 am

Morning everyone!

I have a lot to read, but let me say this, we all need a sounding board from time to time. That person we can talk to about most anything. However, very private and intimate details of my relationship is kept between me and mine! If there’s a problem, then we sit down and discuss together. Outside feedback from friends usually makes matters worse. All should know that you don’t broadcast the delights of your SO to your friends. Some get the wrong idea and believe they actually can step to your [wo]man.

@Raqi ~ you got mail!

Mike Jones (who)

October 15th, 2009
10:05 am

And as far as discussing sex… Word of mouth advertising is the best kind.. so go tell all your girlfriends about what we do in the bedroom, and see what happens… or better yet don’t see what happens.

Free advertising, eventually one of them will get curious

i'm swiss

October 15th, 2009
10:05 am

“Men don’t typically talk to our buddies about something like that unless ol girl was a jump-off. But, We aint telling nobody nothing bout the Mrs.”

Exactly, Willie D… This is not really an issue for guys — at least none that I personally know.

For one thing, guys just don’t have the same incessant need to talk about every detail of our lives with anyone. Not saying that’s good or bad, it’s just the way we’re wired — we just deal & keep on moving; we don’t need or want to talk about sh!t.

And as far as the intimate sexual details — if it’s a woman we really like, we’re not sharing those nuggets with any of our boys. Hell… I know how hot Mrs. Swiss is & also know how guys’ brains work. So I already know my guy friends are trying to get a mental picture — the last thing I want to do is help them get a more accurate one… :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 15th, 2009
10:06 am

F that Im a private person and to date me means you know that so shut your mouth about us.. Imma tell you once to zip it up and then Im out.. This is the main reason my EX is just that.. Everybody knew what was going on in our house.

If you need advice go talk to a non biased source because if there are problems ya’ll wont be able to fix it you wanted to. The Fam and friends in the mix prevent healing because when ya’ll have made up they are still mad. I learned at an early age my Mom dont need to know nothing bad about my girlfriend cause to her im still baby boy and no woman better not ever do nothing but right by me.. When I told my mom we were getting divorced she cried.. Then when I told her what was going on those tears went in reverse and the Taurus the Bull came out.. I saw flame in her eyes.. She didnt say much but her eyes said it all.. Told me to go see her lawyer friend and to go hard. Her exact words were “If she thinks this is gonna be a come up she is in for a rude awakening, this ish comes to a screechin halt today”.. She wanted to represent me but that would be a conflict of interest and if she had been my divorce lawyer, it wouldve been extra ugly with cheese on top..

East Point's Own

October 15th, 2009
10:07 am

Prime example, I was talking to a woman I had been dating about how she feels about an ex- of hers dating one of her friends… She said that that would never happen because all of her female friends had a strict rule about not messing with any man any of the other women in the group have dated… and further that if she was ever seen out with a man that none of her friends would talk to that man.

Well a day or two later she tells me that one girl in the group ran into another chick from the group who was out on a date with a guy, and at some point during the night the other friend got the dude’s phone number and ended up going out with him the next weekend and the first chick saw them out and the drama began…

So that just goes to show that no matter what YOU THINK your girls won’t do you never know what will happen when they see something they want.