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Your Ex is Satan?

I was on a date recently with a guy who somehow managed to bring up his ex-girlfriend.  I can’t remember how the topic even came up but I distinctly remembered his disdain. Apparently, his ex-girlfriend is Satan. An evil person with no soul, or some equally disturbing description.

I usually don’t penalize people for mentioning their exes, especially if they have children together. This time though, the fact the he mentioned her and called her Satan made me think about how we really have ghosts in our relationship past that still haunt us.

Now I won’t pretend that the mere mention of at least two of my exes can’t make be stabby on a bad day. However, I definitely don’t want to think that they are blocking me from a new relationship!

What is it about our past relationships that haunts us so much? Do you ever mention your ex when on a date?

Do you think that we hold on to our resentment and anger because we never really got closure on the situation?

Do you have someone in your past that you consider Satan? What happened that made you think of them this way? What are ways we can get rid of the relationship demons once and for all?

*Note my Halloween-themed post. Are you planning anything fun for the holiday?

377 comments Add your comment

Wise Diva

October 14th, 2009
9:03 am

Good morning sunshines! Sorry for the delay this morning. Have a wonderful Wednesday!! :)

czBrat

October 14th, 2009
9:07 am

GM All!

Do you think that we hold on to our resentment and anger because we never really got closure on the situation?

Yes. I think that is exactly the case. If we use that experience as a growth opportunity that helps eliminate any resentment. We learn to appreciate the ex for whatever lesson the relationship tought us.

gotta commute … i’ll catch up again in a few!

czBrat

October 14th, 2009
9:09 am

oh. and no satans in my past. i’ve made my own spritual peace with the ex, and the two men i’ve dated since are both still great friends :)

SexyCool...Update - Up to Cloud 4.

October 14th, 2009
9:36 am

Three Words Daily – Life equals risk.

Leggs

October 14th, 2009
9:36 am

Good morning.

All I can say is I don’t walk around w/baggage. I don’t carry resentment, anger nor regret around w/me.

Now, I don’t think one should bring up an ex unless asked. I will let one know I’m divorced and leave it at that. If he wants to find out about my reasons for divorce I will keep it at a minimum = we stopped getting along! Who really wants to talk about the past while trying to find out if there’s a future?

Leggs

October 14th, 2009
9:38 am

Liking the 3 words today!

SexyCool...Update - Maintaining at 3....

October 14th, 2009
9:44 am

Don’t have a Satan, but I do have a Shthead. ~laughing~

It would be difficult to tell some of MY story without a word about an ex or three. However, do I have to go into ALL of the details, especially at the first mention of them? NO. Will I later? Possibly, if it relates to something else or some other part of my life experiences.

The thing about past relationships that have the potential to haunt me is how bad my choices were and how long I may have tried and how much effort I have put into making the wrong person The One.

Ah, the “C” word, CLOSURE has caused more grief than all the combined wars of the world. I, for one, am over closure from another person. My closure comes from within myself and learning to take responsibility for my part in what went wrong, do my best to learn the lesson (because I don’t always learn the first time) and keep it moving. Can’t let no grass grow under my feet trying to get something from someone who never cared enough to treat me like I should have been treated in the first place. (This is also how I exorcise my relationship demons.)

As to Halloween, I was invited to a costume party and was planning to go as Kim from RHOA, but my mind will be in Mint Condition instead.

SexyCool...Update - Up to Cloud 4.

October 14th, 2009
9:47 am

Thanks, Leggs.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 14th, 2009
9:51 am

I will mention my ex on a date, IF asked about him. I have been on some dates where I have been asked about my relationship with my ex since we have a child together. Outside of that, no. Not that ex and I dont get along, just not a topic I wish to discuss on a date.

“Do you think that we hold on to our resentment and anger because we never really got closure on the situation?” No. My anger or resentment is directed towards self in terms of the decisions I made in regards to the relationship (not going with my gut feelings, ignoring red flags, etc)

I am not happy that I will miss that Mint Condition concert :mad:

Professor

October 14th, 2009
9:57 am

Do you have someone in your past that you consider Satan?

Yes I have a few folks in my past that I call Satan including my 3rd grade teacher. At this point in my life those so call “Prince of Darkness” that I dated was only brief with the exception of one little demon child. I have been able to learn from my judgement and move on so I really don’t have that baggage they are just a vapor in my life. As for that one demon we did not share any mutal friends I tolerated his friends and he tolerated mine…I told him do not hangout in my spots and I will not hangout in yours…I guess you can tell I like a clean break, and I love Lord Byron he has a quote about being friends once the relationship is over, “The best way will be to avoid each other without appearing to do so.”

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
10:01 am

Satan nah but Im on some list to be Petey Wheatstraw the devils son in law..

I have expressed some sentiments about my EX but I state the facts and leave it at that all at a minimum… I dont harbour any ill feelings but there was some hurt and dissapointment but it was fault on both ends. Of course it was all my fault but hey whatever she needs to make her feel better about the divorce Im cool with it.. The thing is the longer you hold onto that nonsense the longer you block yourself from what you need and deserve.. Music helped me release all the animosity of my marriage.. One in particular.. Thank you India by Alanis Morrisette.

“how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

Professor

October 14th, 2009
10:02 am

No I do not talk about my past unless asked and I give the short version. I had one dude ask very detailed questions like what kind of career my ex had, where did we go out on dates to, what did he buy me for my birthday etc. I never talk about my ex and I found it creepy that this dude asked about him. I mentioned why all the questions and he said most people talk about their past and I never mentioned old boy so he just wanted to know.

czBrat

October 14th, 2009
10:17 am

Professor 10:02 sounds like that guy was trying to measure up. a hint of insecurity maybe?

czBrat

October 14th, 2009
10:22 am

DK i’m gonna have to thank that other alanis song for my healing. you know the one!

Ms. Main just getting in

October 14th, 2009
10:22 am

This time though, the fact the he mentioned her and called her Satan made me think about how we really have ghosts in our relationship past that still haunt us.

Still being haunted by the past or a past bad relationship or a past badly ended relationship could very well be indicative of not so much Satanic but moreso more lying underneath than admitted….IMO. I think the quicker you hit release, the less Satanic they’ll seem. Maybe maybe not. I can’t say I don’t habor ill feelings or carry resentment when I’ve encountered what I’d deem an Imp from hell but the more removed I am from that situation and releasing and letting go, Satan or no, the closer to nil it all becomes.

Professor

October 14th, 2009
10:24 am

@czBrat- I thought the same thing, but he was a wonderful guy so I really did not think it was necessary to measure himself against my ex. He asked me if my ex calls me and stuff, which was a turn off. For whatever reason he brought up my ex about three times with detailed questions…not cool.

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:27 am

morning…

the spawn of satan is my ex?….noooo…why do we do that!? They are/were who they are and helped make you the person you are today! Shucks, I appreciate that sucka!

i do not wanna talk about my ex…it is what it is…no bad/hurt feelings…

ImAPeach404

October 14th, 2009
10:29 am

Well, I guess I’m the only person on the blog who lets things from my past bug me. I mean, hell, they do! After so many lies and so much deception over the years… it has made me the cynic that I am today. What can I say? I’ve seen people on here say that they trust someone until they give them a reason not to. No thanks… not a theory I subscribe to.

I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve been hoodwinked and bamboozled. And because I have, my a$$ is on high alert. I don’t feel like im stupid or foolish, I just haven’t come across anybody on the up & up.

We learn to appreciate the ex for whatever lesson the relationship tought us.
Uhhh… I can appreciate the relationship for the lesson, not the ex!

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
10:30 am

GM All,

I’ll get back to you guys on this subject when I aquire an ex…lol

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
10:32 am

And of Course Gnarls Barkley “St Elsewhere” and Lynyrd Skynyrd “Free Bird”

Oh my music list could go on for miles.. I see the Linkin Park “Numb” and “Hurt” by NIN in the Beginning. Otis Redding’s “Old Man Trouble/Pain in my Heart” and Devin the DUDE’s “Shes Gone/ Anythang” in the Middle.. To Goapele’s “Closer” and U2’s “Beautiful Day in the end..

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
10:36 am

Dang Im going thru my IPOD listening to these songs and what a difference time makes.. That Devin the dude “Shes Gone and Anythang” use to kill me but now its just good music..

SexyCool...Update - Up to Cloud 4.

October 14th, 2009
10:36 am

ImaPeach – I can relate to what you’re saying. I just decided to let it all go. It’s kinda like Leggs mentioned. Dragging baggage around – it’s not cool. The sht is heavy and it ages ya’.

Figure out a way to blow that sht out, babygirl. It weighs less mentally and emotionally.

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:39 am

Dream_n – You still with your first love, is he babydaddy?

Professor

October 14th, 2009
10:40 am

Hey Dream_n are you still with your first love? If so that is cool!

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:40 am

you cain’t blog on here if you still with your first love…we all have at least one ex round here!

:)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 14th, 2009
10:41 am

Infamous – I LOVE the song First Love by Goapele (that Closer is hott too)!

ImAPeach404 – I agree with SCool on this one chica, dont carry all that baggage around. Free yourself and move on, you will feel so much better

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 14th, 2009
10:43 am

Hi WD, where are you digging up these guys? One that expects/requires “spontaneity” for HIS benefit, and one that was the “Bride of Frankenstein”.

Gal, methinks you are “looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces…” (wait a minute, what am I saying? I’m obviously unattached too, LOL)

To the topic:

“What is it about our past relationships that haunts us so much? Do you think that we hold on to our resentment and anger because we never really got closure on the situation?”

Usually, at least for me, it was what was left unsaid. I find myself having these “imaginary” debates where the person has to sit in a chair and let me say what I need/want to say. I always win the argument in these debates too for some reason, lol.. As Rascal Flatts put it in their song, “What Hurts the Most”

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

Do you ever mention your ex when on a date?

Too often, but not in a bad way…usually if the new lady is a teacher like my ex I note that I understand why she is so busy. Still not a good idea and I am getting better.

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
10:44 am

Professor/Cemeeli

I can’t really consider that teenage stuff as a real relationship lol… been with my current since I was 18.

lol!!!

Raqi

October 14th, 2009
10:45 am

I think it’s safe to say that we all have or have had a Satan as well as is or have been someone else’s Satan.

You just have to find a way to move on to better things and days. Thankfully I did. But at one time I was an angry woman.

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:45 am

Goapele fan here too!…raising hand…we have the same birthday!

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
10:46 am

Professor

off topic: I’m watching Jamie Foxx and the episode is about that “swap party” you were considering having!! You may want to watch that episode b4 you put your plan into motion lol

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
10:47 am

Oh and I forgot about the two that would kill me without a doubt.. Al Green’s “How do you mend a broken herat” and “I’m so lonesome I could cry”..

Al Green, Otis Redding and Issac Hayes (By The Time I get to Pheonix)were mainstays at the time..

Im here to say… This to shall pass.. If you feel like you ex is Satan then maybe you should look at yourself.. You have a choice in whether or not you keep giving that person power over your life.. It takes alot of energy to stay angry with someone.. Besides dont it piss you off when somebody youre upset with aint upset with you.. Hey, thats my approach anyway. Life is.. Too $hort..

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:49 am

Dream_n – awwww you are so cute…young adult love is where it’s at girl!

Ya’ll be wearing matching outfits ‘n Jordan’s to Six Flags, hunh?!

ImAPeach404

October 14th, 2009
10:52 am

@SexyCool – yea… I like to think I let it go. And, I think I do… but you know, when ish starts looking familiar I get a case of the “oh helllll naw! not you too!” and retreat, lol.

LOL @ Cemeeli 10:40

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
10:52 am

Cemeeli

lol… I wish!….. naw our days are nearing the end :(
Been through the good, the bad, and the ugly with him…..

Melo

October 14th, 2009
10:54 am

Dream_n??

so u with the current guy physically but away from him spiritually?? U still doing it with him or u got an instrument.

On topic:

neva had a Satan.
Maybe i been the Satan,dont know for sure.But why wld i be Satan to anybody??

i enjoy,u enjoy, so we keep it moving… :arrow:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 14th, 2009
10:55 am

@ Raqi re:
“You just have to find a way to move on to better things and days. Thankfully I did. But at one time I was an angry woman.”

Been there done that. Oddly enough, it was a church service that cured me. Andy Stanley said that if one moves in to another relationship with unresolved anger, it can and will destroy that new relationship. He suggested mentally or physically writing all of the injustices down…then tearing them up and saying “debt cancelled, you don’t owe me anymore”. I did, and it was an incredible load lifted off my shoulders. It cleared the balance sheet once and for all, and I can be around my exes, my ex in-laws, most of any ex bosses that screwed me over…and feel nothing. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Cemeeli

October 14th, 2009
10:56 am

naw our days are nearing the end!

Just downgrade to matching Air Force Ones and a movie, then!

…Keep Hope Alive!

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
10:59 am

Dang ya’ll got me going back to all these old songs I used to listen to and drown my sorrows to.. Like this one..

Nothing compares 2 U..

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days
since you took your love away..

Eventhough I intiated the divorce proceedings a dude was crushed about having to do it. Do I have regrets? Yeah but not about getting divorced.. I have regrets that I made a left when I shouldve went right in the relationship.. I regret losing my best friend behind this.. I regret not being at home with My Son everyday but all in all I know I made the right decision because everythings is lighter now with less noise around.. Peace of Mind is Priceless..

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
10:59 am

Melo

smh and laughng at a an instrumet…

SexyCool...Update - Up to Cloud 4.

October 14th, 2009
11:02 am

Peach – well, now that just simply sounds like taking cues from past lessons learned. Which reads a bit different from what you initially posted.

Leggs

October 14th, 2009
11:04 am

@Dream_n, aren’t you about to get an ex at the end of the year?

Leggs

October 14th, 2009
11:06 am

@Infamous ~ interesting post.

SexyCool...Update - Up to Cloud 4.

October 14th, 2009
11:06 am

Cemeeli – I’m lmao!

Dream_n....Loves vacaton days :)

October 14th, 2009
11:08 am

Okay let me ask the ladies that have loved and lost…….

I know personally for me when I’m done, Ill be hurt and an emotional wreck. I tried to put up a big front as though I don’t care or won’t care once everying is done, but I know I will. 5 yrs is a long time to be with a person. I’m used to him.. I know him,he knows me… W shared a bond together, he’s my daughter’s father! He is one of the best dad’s in the universe, but an ahole as a partner. I’s funnt /c for the past 4-5 months he’s trid to be the best boyfriend ever becaus he felt me shutting down. I was scared to let him back in because it’sso easy or him to resort back to being disrespectful and inconsiderate. I’m also scared to let him go, kinda fearing that I’m going to go through a cylce of dating, which I don’t want to do. IDK.. I’m just at a very confsed state. He’s 33 s maybe he needs tofind somene his age… could that be the problem?? I don’t know ladies…
What are some of the things I can do to keep myself sane/from not breaking down?

ImAPeach404

October 14th, 2009
11:09 am

Randy… don’t you just LOVE Andy Stanley?!?!?!
(Did you catch the “Staying in Love” series)

SexyCool yea, thats a more accurate description of what I have going on. and maybe a carry-on…

Wise Diva

October 14th, 2009
11:10 am

Randyt, oh you know how it is when you try to be more “open” and date around. LOL You meet all kinds. I’m rarely bored, I suppose that is the silver lining or something

Ms. Main just getting in

October 14th, 2009
11:10 am

Yep….Rev Stanley

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 14th, 2009
11:12 am

Dream – It aint nothing to rush.. You’ll know when its time.. You’ll get to a point when you’ll throw everything in the wind..

The day I bounced I left with the clothes on my back and didnt care what happened as long as I was gone.. I had the mindset that “Its gone go however it goes”, but I knew i wasnt going back.. We had did the separation the breakups while were dating but we always got back together.. I knew this time.. Something was different.. Its like a light switch was flipped on like Im Audi 5000 G..

aggwitty

October 14th, 2009
11:12 am

Halloween = Homecoming so that means me dressed up as something fun on the campus of NCa&T, aggie pride!