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Unpredictable

I had a date Sunday night with an interesting fellow, I’ll call him Vince.  We met through some mutual friends a few weeks ago.  The evening went pretty well for a first date. I noticed that Vince seemed to have this running theme during our conversation: spontaneity. As in, the more spontaneous a woman is the more attractive she becomes to him.

Interestingly enough, I didn’t get the spontaneous vibe from him at all when we first met. He seemed as if he was a quiet, conservative type. So here is the guy with the Conservative Uniform on, telling me that he likes a woman who can be unpredictable. He “gets bored” easily so if the woman he is dating isn’t able to be spontaneous, they probably wouldn’t get along very well.

Ladies, apparently men don’t want to be stuck with a snorefest, no matter how hot she is. Do you think that you are unpredictable and spontaneous..um, in a completely sane way?

Guys, do you really dig unpredictable women that much? Are you looking for women who can pick up and go on a whim? Do you think that women who play it too safe are too uptight?

How unpredictable are you? Do you consider yourself spontaneous?

399 comments Add your comment

ImAPeach404

October 13th, 2009
8:48 am

I think “gets bored easily” is code for “this will be my excuse when i’m ready to move on”.
AKA – Loophole

Morning all…

Kym

October 13th, 2009
8:51 am

Good Morning All,

I am upredictable and spontaneous… but predictable. That means I am open to trying new things but there have to boundaries and planning. In other words I am all for a weekend getaway..however, not at 5:02pm on a Friday, given that I have to make arrangements for the care of my son and our pet. So while it is nice to go against the grain..plan it out first. For example, I decided I want to learn to ski. I saw something offered thru a program at school and said shoot why not? However, the time frame for the outing does not match up with my life, so rather than chuck the idea. I went to a ski expo..sponsored by Atlanta’s own African-American ski(nicest people you ever want to meet) So now I am planning my new adventure for next year. Can’t wait!! Oh yeah and I am dragging friends along with me.

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
8:54 am

WiseDiva your guy sounds like a loser. Seriously. But that’s just moi opinion.

What part is he playing in all of this? Is “he gets bored easily” to be translated as he is looking for a woman to entertain him while he sits back and enjoy the show? Who is he King Lear and women his jesters?

LOL

Now seriously, yes there should be some spontaneity there. But you know the more responsibilities you take on the harder it is to live on a whim. With responsibilities comes the need for planning and pre-preparation.

I think this is one of the things that so many, men especially, have trouble with in the transitioning of relationships. You meet the perfect person and you do all this “fun” stuff at the spur of the moment then as the days roll by life sets in and requires more planning to do the things you used to do.

Now I ask which is most important? Having a partner that is still open and willing to do those “fun” things, however planned, or a person that can drop whatever they are doing and run off to “Vegas” when the mode strikes their partner?

In the world that I live, we have to plan around our responsibilities. We have jobs, we have kids, we have duties. But we still have fun.

Like today, he asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him. Yes. Therefore I must plan my day accordingly.

It doesn’t make you a bore because you can’t just up and go. What’s make you a bore is when you don’t want to go or do at all.

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
8:55 am

ImaPeach, I agree.

Kym, you are correct. We are adults with responsibilites. We have to plan our fun.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 13th, 2009
9:06 am

Hi WD and all.

My take is the same as Raqi’s. For some Bozo to spend a first date talking about what “he wants” in a relationship is not good form and suggests that he may be more than a little self absorbed.

Personally I am attracted to unpredictibility, but have found (painfully a few times) that it is a double edges sword…exciting, but often destructive. One can be scratching one’s head with a big “shyte eating grin” when the lady surprises you in a nice way, and 24 hours later totally blindsides you and jerks the rug out from under you. you are left there sitting on the curb you’ve just been kicked to trying to figure out how you misread the tea leaves.

No one ever said this game is easy (at least no one who knew anything about it).

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:07 am

..good morning…

as an explorer, I have a tendency to do thing that are unfamiliar, ‘cause some stuff just needs taken care of immediately!

to have a spontaneous side you have to know how to do things with complete abandonment!…sometimes there is nothing better than just doin’ it…no planning…no overthinking….just go for broke!

And if both individuals are just completely off the Richter scale in the relationship, you might end up with an interesting patent…

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:10 am

..i agree with what most have stated…Mr. Vince sounds like he’s looking for a crutch to hang his spontaneous side…it’s broken.

i'm swiss

October 13th, 2009
9:10 am

Wise — The dude was just saying what he thought you wanted to hear. He’s probably as dull as a butter knife in a psych ward — and knows it — but wants you to think that he’s spontaneous and adventurous so that you will find him more appealing.

As for the topic in general — spontaneity is overrated IMO; just another word for flakey. Sure, it’s fun to shake things up & try new things every now & then, but the operative phrase there is “every now & then.” If I’m going to be with someone long-term, I absolutely want the predictable chic. Call me dull, but I kinda like knowing what to expect of my mate…

ImAPeach404

October 13th, 2009
9:11 am

Lol @ Raqi calling ole boy a loser!

It doesn’t make you a bore because you can’t just up and go. What’s make you a bore is when you don’t want to go or do at all. Well stated

I think Kym and Raqi have pointed out the reason why women sometimes get labeled as “not spontaneous” and “boring”… we tend to be a bit more responsible. If I hit that Mega Millions tonight my spontaneity will shoot the the MF’in roof! But if not… we have to plan our spontaneous moments.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 13th, 2009
9:15 am

@ i’m swiss

“spontaneity is…just another word for flakey” You got that 100% right on, I can show you the t-shirts (but they are DAYUM CUTE and I must have a compulsive need to be abused, lol).

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
9:15 am

WiseDiva what does your new possibility do for a living?

If he has a job that calls for any fair amount of responsibility would you say that he is looking for a woman that will live her life around his? Spontaneous, when convenient for him?

Am I being too deep this morning? If so, blame on the lack of sleep. LOL

Any man with a level head that makes even a half way decent living is not going to do just up and risk it putting it all on the line for a day or even a few hours of fun. He will plan accordingly.

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:16 am

I absolutely want the predictable chic.

Swiss a.k.a. Mr. Dull…is that what marriage do to you?…

yea sometimes I do things on a whim…also though, i do not ‘fly off the cuff’ irresponsibly. But If he’s the type that’ll kidnap me ‘just cause’…ummm yeah, I’ve already packed the “just in case”…

Kym

October 13th, 2009
9:18 am

@Peach if I won the money I may change my methods but not my motor. I am not going all out buying stuff I don’t need. I hate doing that now. I have a Palm Pilot right now that I never really used, that I should be selling on ebay because of my “addiction” to gadgets. But I digress. If my opinion above makes me boring then so be it. Like I said I am open to new stuff but even given large amounts of cash to do what I wanted, when I wanted, I would have still have to be sensible.

NY2GA, Inc.

October 13th, 2009
9:18 am

@Wise

‘Gets bored easily’

(translation)’I like a woman with a little ‘crazy in her’to keep it interesting because watching paint dry is more exciting than being with me’

So, Wise if that’s you. Have a great time on your next date. If not, I’m with the rest of the ladies. Find another man! LOL!

Dream_n

October 13th, 2009
9:20 am

GM All,

I think I’m with the majority so far…. I like predictable. As for most of us, we have responsibilities to adhere to, so the chances of us becoming unpredictable and spontaneous is slim to none. Now I’m all for “spare of the moment” I may be able to work something out with about 6 hours of notice. lol… The days of getting up and dong things on a whim has since gone!

Now if you’re single with no attachments then maybe “Vince” may be the person for you. lol… With him saying he ges bored easily, that kinda confuses me. Does he want you to be some sort of entertainment for him while he watches, if that’s the case then I don’t know what woman would be right for him, maybe a juggler, or flame shooter, someone with some theatrics.

Kym

October 13th, 2009
9:25 am

You know maybe Vince was talking about in bed. Some men folks use the term relationship to refer to one that is purely sexual. Maybe he was hinting that he like a woman that would be unpredictable in bed.

i'm swiss

October 13th, 2009
9:26 am

“Swiss a.k.a. Mr. Dull…is that what marriage do to you?…”

Cee — You know Mrs. Swiss already had me house-broken a looooooong time ago… :lol:

“But If he’s the type that’ll kidnap me ‘just cause’…ummm yeah, I’ve already packed the “just in case”…”

See, I’m all for this kind of thing, but to me, that’s not spontaneous. It might seem spontaneous to her, because to her it’s a surprise. But I’ve been planning it for weeks.

Professor

October 13th, 2009
9:29 am

Hola,

My thought on this whole unpredictable spontaneous thing is this…most folks read about it, heard about it, and now they are trying to be about it because it’s the new buzzword. I agree with the other postings most “grown” folk have to many balls in the air to STOP and run somewhere. Give me a break, hell even in college you don’t have all of that flexibility. Not to mention in this economy people are doing more planning because of the almighty dollar.

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:32 am

Swiss okay…okay…you’re reading me correctly. Yea, i thought maybe i was going a little to far left! :)

I just think there is something incredibly sexy about unpredictabality that’s straight from your significant other!

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
9:34 am

I am not saying spontaneity is a bad thing. I like it, I love it…
However responsibilities come first. As we get older that is just how it is.

Right now, honestly speaking, for me and mine, being spontaneous would be during the time slot that have planned to do something together, we abandon those plans and do something that is much more exciting. One Saturday we were headed out to Douglasville to an associate’s event and were passing, get this yall, SixFlags on I-20. The both of us had not been in a very long time, so we abandoned our plans and got off the freeway and went into SixFlags. LOL

Or, getting our love on at a friend’s house in an upstairs room. Or on the dark side of the house outside against a car.

Or calling in sick from work to go watch an afternoon flick instead and make out like teenagers. (if you don’t of have the days stored to make the call, losing that job to get your feel on is just not worth it)

But when you have responsibilities there is a limit to all that you can do that is truly spontaneous. You may have to makes a few calls to get a sitter, or someone to sit in for you at your job so you call pull off that 3 day weekend at Chateau Elan or Hilton Head.

The fun is in what you do and who you do it with. Planned or Not.

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:34 am

Dang Swiss you housetrained too?!?! hehehe

I guess when it’s my turn you can “shine” on me too :) .

Professor

October 13th, 2009
9:36 am

I will say this as for being unpredictable if every Saturday night is dinner and a movie mix things up a bit. Or if you always lay across the couch and fart watching football together on Sundays, well maybe you should go fart at a sports bar or something. I hate being in a routine when I am dating, which becomes predictable.

I remember one Saturday morning my ex and I were laying in the bed talking about what we could do that would be fun that day. Out of nowhere he said well lets drive to Chattanooga and go to the aquarium so we did that and had a blast…ate breakfast on the way up…saw the sea creatures…had a nice dinner. I like stuff like that, but that is not an every week thingy.

Dream_n

October 13th, 2009
9:38 am

Cemeeli

I with you, when it comes to your significant other, the person that knows your schedule, and would prolly do something spontaneous to fit around you accordingly! Like swiss said, that would be spontaneous for you, but not for him since he’s been planning it.

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
9:38 am

Cemeeli in the instances you are talking, for me spontaneity would be him showing up at my office unexpectedly and taking me away for a romantic lunch picnic in the park. But even then I don’t just abandon my work. It’s his surprise appearance that would be spontaneous.

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:41 am

Dreamn & Raqi I would hope we are all responsible adults…but being “unpredictable” as in what Swiss and i were getting at, is a MUST for me.

I get what you two are saying as well.

Raqi...Feelin' like a Million Dollar Bill

October 13th, 2009
9:42 am

if every Saturday night is dinner and a movie mix things up a bit

I agree Professor. If we are talking predictable in that sense, then yeah I don’t like predictable.

Dream_n

October 13th, 2009
9:42 am

I hate being in a routine when I am dating, which becomes predictable.

I agree Professor,
or even when you have been with someone for soooo loonnggg.. You have to switch it up add some spice.

Dream_n

October 13th, 2009
9:48 am

Don’t you guys remember when you were younger (Im going to get stoned for that statement lmao!)

The years when you didnt have a care in the world! No bills, No responsibility, just living! Sometimes I think back and I miss that stage in my life, and other times I love the stage that I’m at right now.. growing..being shaped..it’s exciting!

How easy was it for us to just change plans at the last minute or just get up and go.. (but be back before the street lights came on)!

Hopeless Romantic

October 13th, 2009
9:49 am

Puhleeease. When he comes out of the gate setting expecations that spontaneity is the primary driver for the relationship means that there is no commitment, no kids, be available at a moment’s notice when and if he is ready but don’t expect him to be available because he is just too darn busy having fun flitting around trying to figure out what he wants.

Where is the: I am seeking a fun but mutually respectful relationship where we have shared goals, values and communicate easily with each other.
That’s what I am all about.

Raqi...Wearing a Shadow on a Cloudy Day

October 13th, 2009
9:49 am

RandyT and Swiss let me ask you guys a question.

Would you not be the slightest bit concerned about a woman you are dating that can just up and go when ever at the drop of a hat?

Would you not wander if she has any real responsibilities or sense of stability?

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
9:51 am

yea…yea…yea Dream_n monicker fits her SO well. :)

luv it!

i'm swiss

October 13th, 2009
9:55 am

“Would you not be the slightest bit concerned about a woman you are dating that can just up and go when ever at the drop of a hat?”

Absolutely, Raqi. I would be very concerned, in fact. Like I said, I want the predictable chic — I want to know what to expect of my mate. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do new/fun things from time to time, but in general, predictable is good. It means I can count on you.

Melo

October 13th, 2009
9:55 am

You know maybe Vince was talking about in bed.

u damn right!
Being the preacher’s daughter that she is,Wise didnt catch that.

Sivhukile madhoda!!

Professor

October 13th, 2009
9:57 am

Dream_n

You have me wishing that I was 17 again, ohhh I miss those days, however the only way I would go back if I could take the mind and knowledge I have right now. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again living carefree

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
10:01 am

@ Raqi – So is 9:49 insinuating/saying that an adult that can do whatever whenever is issresponsible?

Instability?

still trying to follow this…

SexyCool

October 13th, 2009
10:05 am

Three Words Daily – Know your worth.

Raqi...Wearing a Shadow on a Cloudy Day

October 13th, 2009
10:07 am

Cemeeli No. Not at all.

It’s like you’ve got lil Cee, your house and your job. I don’t think you will just up and fly to Jamaica at an hour’s or even day’s notice without making sure those things are taken care of first.

Hold one sec…I need to step out of office….

Professor

October 13th, 2009
10:10 am

Melo I thought about Vince referring to the bedroom, but I did hate it when guys introduce sex on the first date or convo. It is a huge did I say HUGE turnoff and I know they will never get it from me.

SexyCool

October 13th, 2009
10:10 am

Hopeless – ” I am seeking a fun but mutually respectful relationship where we have shared goals, values and communicate easily with each other.”

^That, combined with consistency and good chemistry is what does it for me.

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
10:11 am

fyi

All kids under 12 in costumes receive free admission to Ga. Aquarium on Oct. 30 from 10 a.m. – 5 p.m. and Oct. 31 from 9 a.m. – 6 p.

Leggs

October 13th, 2009
10:12 am

@Raqi, I remember when I was carefree and got that phone call to go to Jamaica and be ready in 2 hours. No problem. If I got that phone call now, I would have to turn it down. I need to plan lodging for lil leggs, food, pick up from practice, just to name a few. Jamaica just went down the drain…(forehead pluck to responsibilities).

Kym

October 13th, 2009
10:13 am

Heck I am sitting here now planning my Turkey Day. I think I may fly to VA to visit family and spend Xmas at the house. Because I can’t do the cabin thang at Xmas and Turkey Day in VA. Trying to balance.

Leggs

October 13th, 2009
10:13 am

No one should mention sex on the first date. It’s insulting!!!

SexyCool

October 13th, 2009
10:13 am

As to the spontaneity of it all, I can be spontaneous around my responsibilities – which are admittedly few, but responsibilities nonetheless.

Hopeless Romantic

October 13th, 2009
10:15 am

Sexy Cool: Amen to the chemistry and consistency.

Melo

October 13th, 2009
10:16 am

but I did hate it when guys introduce sex on the first date or convo

Hey Prof,hey gang,hey W8!

I hope Wise tells us what she was wearing on the day coz if a woman were to wear smething bordering along those sexual lines,trust me,any man will talk about sex and bring in the innuendos.

Dream_n

October 13th, 2009
10:18 am

Professor

I’m with you.. SEX on the first date, even mentioning it is a big NO NO!

Cemeeli

October 13th, 2009
10:19 am

I don’t think you will just up and fly to Jamaica at an hour’s or even day’s notice without making sure those things are taken care of first.

@ Raqi – Yea, of course not…

But i was “this” type, before and i’ve tweaked and carve my life to be responsible as i gain each reward…(kid, hubby, care of my mother)…AND keep my _____ side ( underline is inserted since the word seems to have it’s adverse affect today)…and as well we all have things that we will be more ______ than the next person.

AmazonRed™ is sexy legs...

October 13th, 2009
10:20 am

Morning all –

Wise Diva, nice to hear a dating story and glad there are other options other than that young guy. Do you happen to know if Vince is a Sagittarius? That sign is known to thrive off spontenatity.

In any case, I can be predictable, the key word is responsible. I get up and have a general idea of what my day should encompass. However, I can be spontaneous, especially when it comes to last minute trips and stuff. I love ending up in new places. I can definitely get with a guy who is the same way, as long as he handles his obligations too.

It's me - surprise

October 13th, 2009
10:21 am

OT – Guys… I cried in front of my friend this weekend. I’m concerned I freaked him out! When he asked why I was crying I said it was because he is so nice to me. Because he is!!! I don’t even recall what we were talking about but he was being so sweet and thoughtful and nice. We had a rough week and then when we finally got around each other and talked it out… he was really really nice about everything. I just go overwhelmed and became emotional.

We’ve been dating for almost 4 months. Did I open the flood gates too soon? Would this have scared you? Is there anything I can say to ensure him that I’m not a nutty crybaby?