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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love, Pleasure, Duty

You guys know how fascinated I am by the research studies! CNN recently reported about a study that was conducted to find out why women have sex.  Yes, this was the actual reason for the scientific research! What are the reasons women do it? They also explored what influenced the female sex drive.

After a previous study identified the 237 reasons why women have sex, researchers polled women to see which ones were selected the most.  The responses varied from love, pleasure, and duty.  Is that really all that different from men, though?

One of the researchers, David Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence feelings of self-esteem. I am pretty sure Mr. Buss would have already known this if he was a woman!

What do think about the study? Do you agree that women’s motivation for sex is generally related to love and commitment?  Since women are often referred to as the more complex gender, do you think that what women want out of sex is just as complex?

Guys, does your sexual experiences impact your confidence and self-esteem?  Do you think your motivation for sex and what you get out of it differs from women?

375 comments Add your comment

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
12:13 pm

If you’re that concerned about her liking it, take her out more often,

to that place??? even if i did,i aint goijng to the same often places i normally do,hence the need to be concerned about how the place is..

6 years ago?? u kidding me..we got a recession going on,restaurants are closing and the ones staying are cutting costs,so 6 yrs ago and now is not necessarily the same.
Reseaurant bizz is dammn tough.

Besides,she my Queen, i gotta ne king with the prep!

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
12:14 pm

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
12:17 pm

Question!!

Randyt/Dk/Dan

Why wouldn’t you want your woman to feel as though she is a prize? Women that have worth about themselves generally respect themselves, has higher self steem, takes care of themselves, are emotionally and spritually content. For as long as the world turned… women were taught (in a moral based home) that we are a prize. I feel as though whomever I choose to spend the rest of my life with will have hit the jack pot!

Now that doesn’t mean that the man who picked the lucky numbers will not be a prize to me…. It has to be recipricated.. it shouldn’t be one-sided.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
12:19 pm

Is that the problem with the saying???
You guys feel as though we don’t see YOU as a prize?

Dan

October 9th, 2009
12:19 pm

@Melo

How many ways can I say the isht?

I do not want a selfish broad (to borrow aggwit’s term) in any way, shape, fashion or form. The second the scales feel unbalanced, I make mention of it, and she needs to correct it; and if not….

Same token, I don’t like passive women (in or out of the bedroom). Lukewarm anything sickens me, I don’t like gray, I try to live in black/white, is/ain’t, etc.

I want an equal, not a cheerleader (I got my own drive), not “helpmeet” (cufk is that anyway?), an adult female that’s got her issue recognizes it in me when she sees it and act accordingly.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
12:24 pm

Naw Ms. Raqi

That ain’t it at all. I know me: what I’m capable of, what my qualities are, and my limitations.

Just because I don’t have “a list” don’t mean I don’t know, it means I choose not to spend the time or energy listing my qualities – I’m not insecure like that.

But dig where I’m coming from, the D ain’t complaining, it is what it is (and what I make it) – I’m stating facts.

Maybe it my time of the month, but I’ve had it up to here with this fantasy that I keep hearing.

You’ve said it yourself – love is a 2way street. But I rarely see you make the case on here when people (male and female) start expressing otherwise.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:26 pm

Professor The gain for women? Let’s see…
A headache
A grown baby
Just kidding…LOL
Men are good for a lot. The right man gives the right woman that emotional security that we yearn. When he is contributing without a fuss and you know things are being taken care of for the house, you can relax and be at ease.

Strong arms

Their logical way of thinking

A best friend

A protector

A maintenance man (literally. Even though it sometimes takes them days to get around to it between watching tv and tinkering with their hobbies)

That love muscle :wink:

A store runner

An influential voice to speak for you when needed

Professor

October 9th, 2009
12:28 pm

@Melo I know you will have a wonderful time at dinner tonight…just remember the resturant is only part of the experience…add some nice conversation…give her some flowers, and if you haven’t found a nice card yet…write her a note.

BTW did you buy her a ring?

Tazzee

October 9th, 2009
12:28 pm

Melo – I love Ray’s in the City, never been to Ray’s on the River but I’ve heard the atmosphere makes it better than the City. I was also told that they are celebrating their 25th anniversary and therefore they have a $25 price fixed (not even going to attempt the foreign spelling) menu. A co-worker took her husband there the other night for his birthday.

SCool – He knew I was The One before I knew he was. I was so scared of his revelation that I immediately went into ’slow’ mode. Then when I realized he was The One, I was questioning myself. In other words, slowing down was NOT a problem LOL. Then when he popped the question it was like I could exhale and rest in what I already knew.

Professor

October 9th, 2009
12:30 pm

Thanks! Excellent list can we add taking out the trash and mopping. If so I might marry somebody’s son one day

Jake a.k.a Sweet Peeda Jeeda

October 9th, 2009
12:31 pm

@Melo

I cosign Ray’s…nice intimate spot…for something different, try the 57 Fighter Group Restaurant, way down Clairmont, the food is great, one of Atlanta’s best kept secrets….I highly reccomend for a nice intimate, and new experience.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
12:31 pm

Raqi

Thanks for at least trying to help me understand…..to be continued.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
12:32 pm

Taz – I’m feeling that. The questioning and all; coupled with resisting the need to look for signs of something ‘not quite right’.

But um, yeah…you read what I wrote the other day…

Waiting to Exhale…

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:33 pm

Dan whatever dude. You rolled the whole list of complaints about you have to pursue the woman, keep her interested, stimulate her mind, be faithful, please her and commit, but you can’t give not even three things on a list that she will benefit from in marrying you?

Okay. Whatever. I’m done.

Professor

October 9th, 2009
12:40 pm

I heard “That love muscle” ;-) gets better once you get married.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:45 pm

Tazzee you know I didn’t fully exhale until about a month after the nuptials. And had not realized before then that I hadn’t. Before he even asked me to marry him I thought my life with him was just perfect. Even if not marrying I knew I at least wanted him in my life and to be in his life for many, many years to come. He gave (gives) me comfort.

But it was one day we were standing in the line at the store, he wrapped his arm around my arm and I laid my head on his upper arm and “exhaled”. The feeling of peace. I knew it was right at that moment because we were not talking, we were not engaging in any type of sexual activity, but just standing there existing. I knew I made the right choice.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
12:48 pm

Jake/Tazzee..thanx..thats what im talking about!!

Now i got options,Raqi’s place and this one..

Been to Fighter group Jake,waaay way back..may deserve a another trip there…
Professor, thanx as well..no ring,she know she mine and im hers..a ring dont change nor make whats in my heart.U dont even know how many cows/goats and $$ i had to deliver to her pple 4 lobola.Uall dont do that.

Appreciate it ladies.

Dan,buddy,u got lots of overly sexxed women everywhere,thats not a problem,i tell ya.
A woman that luvs u will do anything that u ask,thats the bottom line.As long as u not asking her to poke a hot rod up her nana be4 u do the do…

U want an equal?? there is nothing like that in marriage,maybe dating??
Either u the leader or she is when u married.

Last time i checked,most of these females want a strong dude..dont be fooled by the im msindependent talk.

MusingLee

October 9th, 2009
12:49 pm

Hey Er’body,

I don’t know about the rest of you but I only use sex as it was intended…For the procreation of the human species. Each time I fail I am compelled to try again for mankind’s survival.

Musing now staring into the distance with a gleam in his eye….and thinking of the punanni

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:54 pm

Professor I have never thought of it in a way of getting “better” since we are now married. It’s more frequent therefore giving us more time to experiment and grow. We have less time constraints now living under one roof. Sleeping together every night makes you more common with that person and freer to be.

If that’s the better you speak of then yeah.

And despite popular belief singles do not have more sex than married couples. That is a myth.

Professor

October 9th, 2009
12:58 pm

Melo I did not realize you paid a dowery. Was that you for real in the pic yesterday? The reason I ask is because the pic looks fairly new

Leggs

October 9th, 2009
1:01 pm

@Raqi ~ you’re damn skippy that’s a myth.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
1:02 pm

The reason I ask is because the pic looks fairly new

:lol: :lol:
Proff

no,just a website i picked,nothing more,none less…

Professor

October 9th, 2009
1:03 pm

@Leggs/Raqi I thought that was a myth…because if I get married I am going to do it every night for the first 90 days…a few more times on the weekend

Professor

October 9th, 2009
1:05 pm

Melo…I knew you was up to no good, but I enjoyed reading the website.

Jake a.k.a Sweet Peeda Jeeda

October 9th, 2009
1:05 pm

No prob Melo…my queen loves it there.

What up Musing…Long time no read, I think you had just got anchored when I headed for my extended stay in Lurksville…what it do.

@Raqi
Much respect for the 12:45, the picture was vivid….*wondering when my baby had that moment, not gonna ask her though…lol.*

Tazzee

October 9th, 2009
1:06 pm

Hey Musing! How are you? I just knew you were gonna end that post by telling us that your wife was expecting.

Raqi – I’ve exhaled with being in a relationship, but I’m still holding my breath somewhat. Sometimes I wanna take him up on his offer to go to the courthouse ‘tomorrow’

Poppa Grande

October 9th, 2009
1:08 pm

Melo

I co-sign Rays on The River. The wife and I ate there for our 10th anniversary this year. If you use opentable to book the reservation, you can order flowers that the staff will put on the table before you guys sit that she gets to take them home.

There is live jazz on the weekends.

Like RandyT said, it isn’t cheap. The menu is mostly seafood that they claim claim is flown in daily.

We also had our rehearsal dinner there prior to our wedding day.

Blog Match.com

October 9th, 2009
1:09 pm

Lurking

October 9th, 2009
1:13 pm

@SexyCool – I’ve been reading you for a while. You seem like you date a LOT.

Blog Match.com

October 9th, 2009
1:14 pm

These are the Blog Matches for 2009:

Leggs & Truth

Tazzee & Willie

Poppa & Brite Eyez

AmazonRed & W8

Page1908 & W8

Staceye & W8

Professor & W8

Lioness & W8

Angie & 2CPTG

DK & Mo

Jamoca & Demi

Wise & Swiss

Melo & Attention Wh0ore

Rell & SexyCool

Lurker & Lurkerette

Dan & Raqi

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
1:20 pm

Leggs one afternoon one of my married co-workers and I had lunch with 3 of our single co-workers and that the tell of that myth worked its way somehow into the conversations. We went back and forth like we women do debating issues but to sum it up the fellow married and I betted those that the number of time she and I have had sex with our husbands in one month put together, was more than the three of them with their boyfriends or whatever put together over the span of three months. Guess who had the most sex.

And yeah they were shocked. LOL I put this to the one who just could not believe it, because she and he guy had sex nearly every time they went out. Which would seem like you are having a lot sex, if you are doing it every time you see each other. I asked her how many times a week did they go out. She said once maybe twice. The other two women even less than her. Well guess what my husband and I sleep in the same bed every night. Number of hits a week? At least two, three being the norm, four at the most. But at least two.

She had to understand doing it every time you are together only seems like a lot when you are not seeing each other every day. If she and her guy moved in and had to see each other every day, that one time a week will not seem like much at all.

I think that is why a lot of men feel like the sex decreases after marriage. They are seeing that woman every single day. Sex is in their face every single day but they are not getting it every day. When before it was maybe once or twice or three times a week but most aren’t seeing each other every day. And unlike my co-worker most people are not doing it every time they see each.

(I hope that all makes sense, I stopped to talk a phone three times while typing)

Willie Dynamite

October 9th, 2009
1:21 pm

Afternoon All,

Dan – If you are looking for equality on paper then just forget it. It is stacked way against us on paper. As a man will understand this at some point. It really isn’t worth debating. Just know as a Man that the One will recognize and bring more to the table than yourself. From what I read you do need a cheerleader. You seem to want one that gonna verbally acknowledge from the roof tops what a great catch the D is.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
1:22 pm

thanx Poppa..thats where we going..im going to Raqi’s place another time.

I called both places to get a feel.

Boy,u dont know how it feels when u got money in ur pocket,a sexxy woman in ur sights,u feeling mighty good and ur dyckk is poking every 5/10 minutes and whispering,”is it time to go yet?”

:lol:

mqew

October 9th, 2009
1:23 pm

Duty…. Got a prolem with that… Just because of the word and what it means. I oblige, because as a WIFE it’s my DUTY. But yeah, don’t like it much. AND, it’s been almost 12 years.

RAQI’S 11:33 IS ON POINT!

The thing is as RAQI stated, he doesn’t have issue at all with his DUTIES, so I’m a work in forever progress. I seriously strive to be like him when I grow up.

TAKE IT LIKE A MAN got nothing on him! His pic is next to that slogan LOL

Melo- I found Ray’s on the River overated. But, that’s because I got nothing but excellent reviews… It’s just okay.

Poppa Grande

October 9th, 2009
1:25 pm

Tazzee

Speaking of anniversary prices at restaurants, Agave had all of their entrees $9.00 this week in celebration of their 9th anniversary.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
1:26 pm

Lurking – Actually, yes, I do. And enjoy it. A LOT!

Leggs

October 9th, 2009
1:29 pm

@BlogM ~ Truth and I had our blog divorce a year or so ago. I see you gave W8 a harem.

@Raqi ~ it makes perfect sense to me. ^5! Seeing your boyfriend once a week and having sex after, during or before the date makes sense. However, once you’ve moved in and you have that visual in front of you and you’re not getting it like you use to can also be the breeding ground for affairs to crop up. WOMEN, you have to make love / have sex with your partner often and creatively if you really want to keep him.

abc

October 9th, 2009
1:30 pm

Different people will have different sexual motivations based on their individuality, I don’t think one can assign such traits strictly on the basis of gender. I’ve known women that have sex to feel loved, and women that just want to get laid, and men can feel either way, too.

If you think a chick doesn’t look at a prime male specimen and just want to have some of that, just the same as you might generalize that a man might do, think again.

Regarding Afghanistan: we went in the chase down Bin Laden and oust a government that gave support and refuge to the very terrorist organizations that carried out 9/11. Some early success and failure has given way to nobody even remembering why we went. We should pull out of Afghanistan post haste; we have nothing to accomplish there. Instead, the Nobel Peace Prize recipient is quoted in the press as saying he wants to send 40,000 more troops to a war zone that’s been active twice as long as W.W. 2 lasted. Craziness, WTF!

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
1:32 pm

Blog Match.com:

everybody is phluckking smebody except urself…who u??

Pope Benedict or Mother Theresa?

Wise Diva

October 9th, 2009
1:37 pm

what a strange and random post. I don’t do married men, though. I’m sure i’m swiss is a nice fellow :)

Listening ears

October 9th, 2009
1:39 pm

Raqi, SexyCool, Leggs & Prof: Keep preaching! This man thanks you because some of these younger guys will learn a LOT from your lesson today.

Tazzee

October 9th, 2009
1:40 pm

PoppaG – NOW you tell me :lol: Actually, I’m glad I didn’t know.

Concert Announcement

Eric Benet, Mint Condition and Ledisi in concert on October 31 at the Fox. Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 10am.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
1:41 pm

WOMEN, you have to make love / have sex with your partner often and creatively if you really want to keep him.

Although I’m usually with you on your posts chica… I just can’t get with this mindset in women… as if SEX is the end all.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
1:41 pm

Willie Dynamite, imma whatever you too. LOL

If he is man enough to ask what will it benefit him to be with her, he should at least be man enough to state what it will benefit her to be with him.

Sucka. :lol:

Jake a.k.a Sweet Peeda Jeeda

October 9th, 2009
1:43 pm

@abc…i take it that you feel Obama winning the NPP is b.s. I concur to the fullest!! I support the President all the way, stood in line those hours to cast my vote for him, but him winning that prize is ridiculous…memo to the committee, we are currently at war, he has the power to pull the troops out, has not done so, i woke up and said the same, WTF!!!

Dayum….I missed the Agave special.

Since we off topic, for a casual meal, hit Marlow’s, in front up the dubtree at Northlake, good ish.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
1:46 pm

Although I’m usually with you on your posts chica… I just can’t get with this mindset in women… as if SEX is the end all.

Leggs, kids just say the darndest things don’t they. LOL

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
1:53 pm

Ha Ha HA once again RAqi did a funny..

Of course at your age anyone under 40 would be a kid…..

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
2:05 pm

Why do men have sex other than the fact that they are men and they can?
One:

Me: Mason do we have to watch this tonight?

Mason: Do you want to have sex?

Me: No.

Mason: Then yes, we do.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
2:05 pm

Two:

Me: Mason do you have to keep banging on that thing trying to fix it?

Mason: Do you want to have sex?

Me: No.

Mason: Then yes, I do.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
2:06 pm

Three:

Me: Mason can you come up and help me make the bed?

Mason: Are we going to have sex?

Me: No.

Mason: Then nope, I’m busy.