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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love, Pleasure, Duty

You guys know how fascinated I am by the research studies! CNN recently reported about a study that was conducted to find out why women have sex.  Yes, this was the actual reason for the scientific research! What are the reasons women do it? They also explored what influenced the female sex drive.

After a previous study identified the 237 reasons why women have sex, researchers polled women to see which ones were selected the most.  The responses varied from love, pleasure, and duty.  Is that really all that different from men, though?

One of the researchers, David Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence feelings of self-esteem. I am pretty sure Mr. Buss would have already known this if he was a woman!

What do think about the study? Do you agree that women’s motivation for sex is generally related to love and commitment?  Since women are often referred to as the more complex gender, do you think that what women want out of sex is just as complex?

Guys, does your sexual experiences impact your confidence and self-esteem?  Do you think your motivation for sex and what you get out of it differs from women?

375 comments Add your comment

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:01 am

Melo I have never been there. My recommendation is to take her somewhere with outdoor seating. The weather is really nice these past few days. We went to Brio Tuscan for our date night last night.

The perfect pleasant atmosphere just makes it all the better.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
11:04 am

@ Randyt
it has ALWAYS been that way. I saw a gal in a t-shirt that said (okay I may change some of the spelling) “I have the pudsy so I will make the rules”.

Not necessarily, then we wouldn’t have DK quoting pimp lines from movies… and there wouldn’t be any emotionally wrecked women out there, if the power was in the “P”.

ScopeN

October 9th, 2009
11:05 am

Dan,

Unless you’re a music/athlete Superstar or you got mad physical skills, gettin’ sexed is always gonna take some work. Don’t get discouraged, it can be fun if your ego can take it.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
11:10 am

@ Dream n

Men only have the power if you women give it to them. Women have ALL the bargaining power, they just do not always know they are holding all the cards.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
11:10 am

Thanx Raqi..we never been there be4,so im sure she will like it..

She wil be like,”hw u know this place?”..thinking im all that…

All the more guarantee that i get it tonite,after all is said and done.

Its her birthday……well,i got a nible around 2.30 am. :lol:

Carry on……….

Leggs

October 9th, 2009
11:10 am

Awww, a sex study and Melo doesn’t want to participate.

@Raqi, I’m glad you put “duty” in your list because that’s exactly what it is. Sure, a lot will not like the word “DUTY,” but it is just that. It’s the wife’s responsibility to “submit” to her husband. Hold on now, not necessarily meaning total submission, but it is our role as wife to be available to our husbands and our husbands available to us. There will be times when we aren’t on the same sexual page, but it is my duty to give to him what he needs so he won’t have to go and get it elsewhere. I’ve stated this before and I’ll stand by it, much like women should’t wear panties to bed. The husband should be able to have easy access. We all have our positions to hold down in a marriage, and sexual alighnment is easy when we realize God has made both sexes to complement each other.

Welcome aboard, Pinky! Also, I’m protective of these blog women, you cannot meet up with Ms. Raqi. Her Marido will squash you like a bug!

@Dan, don’t you think it’s time to bury the word “deese?” 30 years and still saying that silly arse word!

Also, “whatever” and “swagga” has been voted as 2 of the most annoying words.

Shaun

October 9th, 2009
11:11 am

Melo, not necessarily a virgin, though that’s a rich story in itself. Just the clean (washed, waxed and detailed, please) and no odor part. If you use some body spray for that enhanced experience that’s cool, too.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
11:13 am

Leggs – I saw that about ‘whatever’ and ’swagga’. But I still love both words…LMAO!

Oh…and sidenote:
I’m watching The View.
Khloe Kardashian Odom has a freakin’ nine carat ring.
After a damn month.
I’m speechless.

sexuallyrepressed

October 9th, 2009
11:16 am

morning all,
maybe i missed the response, but, how does one develop this thirst or hunger for sex? Is it just me, cuz i don’t believe that i’ve experience this.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
11:17 am

Duty….Why is that word funny when it relates to sex… yo no se :)

@ Randyt: Okay I’ll entertain this theory of yours… So Explain to me the power we have…

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:17 am

much like women should’t wear panties to bed

LOL Leggs I had jump off your bandwagon right there. Seriously though I get what you mean. I just prefer the panties on initially. And so does he.

It makes for a nice firm connection when that strong hand of his is perfectly snug between that cotton and the cashmere. Let the fingers do the walking. :wink:

But I do get what you are saying about being available.

Shaun

October 9th, 2009
11:19 am

When a woman can defend herself and her own, have children on her own, be emotionally and physically satisfied on her own, then she’s got ALL the power – ’til then, you just got SOME.

Eiljah

October 9th, 2009
11:24 am

Women have the power until you stimulate them to have the ultimate O and continue to pound and stimulate the pudsy while she is exploding!
:wink: Then we have the POWER! YES WE CAN!!!

Dan

October 9th, 2009
11:26 am

Okay, then so another question (to any that wish to reply):

All that (my previous post), and her role/my reward is……

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 9th, 2009
11:31 am

Where all these new bootys come from..

Tazzee

October 9th, 2009
11:32 am

Morning Folks!

I agree with Raqi all the way on the duty part. I would suspect that it’s not that common in marriage though. At least I hope it won’t be for me. Meaning, I hope that I want it just as much as my husband the majority of the time.

‘Whatever’ – comes out of my verbal arsenal when I want to get under someone’s skin.

‘Swag/Swagger’ – I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve used that word.

Leggs – my BFF and I still get the giggles over ‘Deez’, just had an episode this past Sunday :lol:

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:33 am

A person that views marriage and relationship always and only as what they have to give up or lose will never have a successful relationship.

Try looking at it for what you will gain rather than what you have to give up and the burden of it. It’s not a burden to those who want to do.

My marido and his brother told one of their female cousins that the only man that complains about taking care of a woman is a man that does not want to do it. And will never do it well.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
11:34 am

Frank

October 9th, 2009
11:35 am

@Dan, Very well said. And whomever hates on Obama’s win, after you bite Dan, bite me for dessert.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
11:39 am

Eiljah

Pound my dude???? really…….. pound lol
My guy cuzins say that to annoy me.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 9th, 2009
11:40 am

Dan – I want that one answered too..

Dan

October 9th, 2009
11:44 am

@Raqi

Please understand.

It’s not about “what I don’t want to lose”, it’s more about what I get in return (in the karmic/reciprocity/equal and opposite reaction kinda way).

I’ve never had a problem taking care of the women in my life, in fact I feel honour bound to do it.

But what I cannot abide, from male or female, is anything less than their all as well.

Don’t hit me with the 50% of anything, if my all is in it, I want yours too. And more lately than ever, I’m finding that the concept of “[all of] me for [all of] you” is somehow outmoded.

I can’t get into jumpin in the pool and waiting for [you] to decide.

But hey, maybe that’s something I need to pray/work on/meditate about for me.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
11:45 am

@ Dream n

Short and simple. Men’s sex drive is almost always higher than a woman’s…not always but most of the time. Men “need” it more, especially when younger. Women have the answer to that need. When anybody “needs” something, whether sex or apples, or HD tvs, then the “provider” has the upper hand. Women have 100% of what most men need (unless you are in Midtown and the numbers aren’t the same there).

Now, why things tend to be really good for me is that that “need” tends to shift in a person’s 30’s and 40’s. Then the women for whatever reason develop a stronger need, while the men are no longer as needy. There is a little bit of a power shift making things a little more even, although I don’t think men ever totally gain the upper hand, if they are still breathing at least.

Last but not least…throw everything I have just said out if the woman is butt ugly, incredibly out of shape, and doesn’t try to make herself as attractive as she can. Hellz even then women probably still have the advantage…just not as many “choices”.

Tazzee

October 9th, 2009
11:46 am

Dan – SCool answered you with this post:

Dan – That sounds about right. And when you choose right and make a good match, she will be all of those things and more for you and it won’t seem like the major sacrifice of self that you seem believe that it is. To whom much is given, much is required. Sounds simple to me. But here again, we may be talking about an idealistic world. However, I still believe it exists for me.

I remember not long ago I was wondering what benefit I would get out of being married…then I met the man that I’m going to marry – I no longer ask that question.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:47 am

Dan you get a good companion, life partner and support system. You get your own lifetime cheerleader. (And if you treat her right she will wear a little cheerleader outfit including the pompoms for ya. LOL)

For those of us who are more traditional than others our husband get a housekeeper and to come home to a clean comfortable resting place. He gets clean drawers. He has a personal chef. He gets sex on demand, meaning does not have to be out there scouring the crevices and corners to get his needs fulfilled. (Disclaimer: Never mind the disclaimer. Some of yall know how to translate what I mean.)

A personal secretary.

A back scratcher.

A hair washer

A lotion applicator

A good set of eyes, ’cause you can’t ever find anything

A phone dialer

An appointment scheduler

A hang-nail clipper

A pimple analyzer

A talking GPS unit

Eiljah

October 9th, 2009
11:48 am

@Dream_n….. Did that word stimulate your senses? j/k ….Relaxed youngin do not take everything so literately! :wink:

@Melo… Rays on the River is a good place to eat, the food is good and the atmosphere is relaxing!

@My2tats…. I am ready to come and lie down on your couch for therapy!
RIGHT NOW! espn…. :smile:

Shaun

October 9th, 2009
11:52 am

The disparity between men and women’s sex drive can be explained. Men should be paired up with more than one woman – it’s how almost every other animal does it. Why are we hooked on one man, one woman. Some animals just shouldn’t breed.

Here’s to polygamy.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:54 am

Dan, you tell me this. Being that over 70% of married women in the U.S. work outside of the home what would it benefit a woman to marry you? She’s got a job so she doesn’t need your financial support. What benefit would she get from marrying you?

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
11:55 am

Rays on the River is a good place to eat, the food is good and the atmosphere is relaxing!

thanx,i want a woman to endorse it tho be4 i commit…im taking a special lady out..Queen!

Dan

October 9th, 2009
11:56 am

@Raqi

How does any of that in anyway add to a zero-sum?

I appreciate your list, but really, can you not see where somma that might be a slightly overpriced in value? (And please know I’m not attacking you, I’m appreciative of it, but it don’t add up).

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
11:56 am

I like Raqi’s 1154a question.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 9th, 2009
11:56 am

Dan – I had this conversation yesterday with a friend. I asked her if Im supposed to do xyz for you.. What am I getting in return? She said Her and I just dont agree with Im supposed to be doing all these thinigs for a woman that thinks to get her is the prize.. I disagree wholeheartedly.. Because for me its about you winning cause you got me and Im winning because i got you.. More and more Im seeing that women feel that they are the prize at the end of the rainbow and thoer dudes are by-products of their fabulosity.. I dont get it because ive never considered myself chopped liver and i think my Long Duck Dong is just as important as their snatch..

Les

October 9th, 2009
11:57 am

When men seek sex, it’s like scratching an itch.

Women seek out sex not to address an inherent biological thirst, but to fulfill something else… something that has to do with the totality of life and relationships.

That is why when the pollsters ask women, “why do you have sex” they get a huge array of answers from women. Women are not compelled to have sex as an ends-to-itself like men are. Men have sex to have sex. To men it basically comes down to one major reason. For women, it’s about fulfiilling other things about the dynamics of human interaction.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
11:58 am

Dan that list while true was meant to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

But answer my question.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
12:00 pm

@Raqi (11:54)

A good question.

She’d get me. My hubris aside, I’m not one for advertising, so no protracted list. cough, cough,likesomepeopleroundhurr,ehem

czBrat

October 9th, 2009
12:00 pm

Yes, Melo. Ray’s was excellent when last I went. That was about 6 yrs ago tho.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
12:01 pm

Taz – once you knew that you knew that he was The One, how did you balance wanting to press relationship fast forward to knowing that you needed to be taking your time with this decision?

(Does that question make sense?)

Dan

October 9th, 2009
12:02 pm

@DK

Exactly. I ain’t just sitting on the shelf somewhere. A dude got options.

It kills me slowly that [she's] the prize (conversely meaning that I’m not) and there’s no mention of what [she's] putting into it.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
12:02 pm

@ Randyt

Gotcha!

@ Eiljah

Simmer down! I was joking too :)

Is it okay to put the word young’n in the same place as swagga and wateva!

Leggs

October 9th, 2009
12:03 pm

@Raqi, I do understand about the pull of the cotton. It too can be an arousal in the middle of the night.

@SexyC, I usually say WTF’ever. :lol: And yes, I too like the word “swagger.”

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
12:04 pm

czBrat

thanx,altho thats kinda dated…

I like the river apsect of it,dont know if the menu is all that..smebody(woman) with a good palate plz tell me. :lol:

thanx all the same.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
12:05 pm

Hey DK and Shaun

Lots of truth in what you said at 11:56. Also at lot of truth to what Shaun has stated. The problem lies in the fact that in this world what “should be” is not always “what is”. For whatever reason the culture has evolved and placed a sticker saying “prize” on you know what. Should it be any more valuable? Probably not, but it is what it is.

Example: Some people on this blog may have run across Longaburger baskets. These things cost $40 to $100 each. They’re frikkin baskets! You can buy ones that look almost the same and have the same function at Big Lots for $3. Does it make sense, nope, but it is what it is.

czBrat

October 9th, 2009
12:06 pm

LOL Dan @ 12:00

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
12:07 pm

It kills me slowly that [she's] the prize (conversely meaning that I’m not) and there’s no mention of what [she's] putting into it

Dan,ideally,what wld u want her to put in??? Dont put in generalities or dilly dallying..list a,b,c…..what exaclty u desire in ur coupled up woman.

U may be able to get one chic here today, with a good pic to match……
:lol:
U turn……..

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
12:08 pm

Melo – dernit, everybody that said something about Ray’s said something positive.

The fact that 6years later, czBrat can tell you that it was excellent should be enough. Either go or don’t, enjoy it or not. Hell, it’s ONE dinner. If you’re that concerned about her liking it, take her out more often, you’ll increasing your odds of having great experiences.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:09 pm

And Dan it is not overpriced in value for the man that wants it. Even for some that have stay at home wives the cost of taking care of that woman for the comforts that she brings is worth it.

Take my list seriously and add putting up with you not helping out as much as you could around the house, being your bedside nurse when you have a Man-Cold, being your freak of the week, every week (yeah I put sex in there), and then contributing to the finances, do you think we get our time, heart, money’s worth?

And please tell me for all that you feel you have to give up or to a woman, what is it that you feel you should get in return? Can you name it? Does it exist?

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
12:11 pm

Cause I promise, I can’t tell you one spot that I ate at six years ago…

Professor

October 9th, 2009
12:12 pm

@Raqi I love the list on what the guys get. Can you give us one on what the ladies will gain? I need to look at my options.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
12:12 pm

@ Melo

Ray’s has always been great. Just make sure you have some (read “a lot”) of credit on your AMEX, Visa, Mastercard…because unless it has instituted a “value menu” since I was there last ((and I am betting it hasn’t), it used to really “proud” of it’s food, lol.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
12:13 pm

My hubris aside, I’m not one for advertising, so no protracted list.

So in other words she gets nothing but a bunch damn complaining an pouting. You can’t name anything because you don’t know yourself. All you know is you are losing something, when infact you will actually be gaining.