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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love, Pleasure, Duty

You guys know how fascinated I am by the research studies! CNN recently reported about a study that was conducted to find out why women have sex.  Yes, this was the actual reason for the scientific research! What are the reasons women do it? They also explored what influenced the female sex drive.

After a previous study identified the 237 reasons why women have sex, researchers polled women to see which ones were selected the most.  The responses varied from love, pleasure, and duty.  Is that really all that different from men, though?

One of the researchers, David Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence feelings of self-esteem. I am pretty sure Mr. Buss would have already known this if he was a woman!

What do think about the study? Do you agree that women’s motivation for sex is generally related to love and commitment?  Since women are often referred to as the more complex gender, do you think that what women want out of sex is just as complex?

Guys, does your sexual experiences impact your confidence and self-esteem?  Do you think your motivation for sex and what you get out of it differs from women?

375 comments Add your comment

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
9:44 am

Is sexual desire like a thirst to women

Les Yes, women do have a thirst for sex however it may not be of the same intensity has the man’s drive. We have a greater thirst for intimacy and that intimacy does not always require intercourse to be quenched.

mytw♥tatas WWMy2D?

October 9th, 2009
9:48 am

MENSCH59 And like Chinese Food, sometimes the act itself will only satisfy you for 20 minutes before you think you shoulda chosen to have somethingone more fulfilling… possibly #3 on my “Why We SHOULD Be Doin’ It” list. To strengthen the bond between you and someone you care about.

Maybe I won’t click thru, afterall. Hmmm. It’s a faulty premise for people to base women’s attitudes towards sex on the idea that we like it less.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:50 am

@Kym

Imagine for a second that you’re not from the US.

The only time you hear about America (admittedly through your given country’s government controlled media) is when it’s bombing someone. You grow up hearing that “America’s only concern is for America”.

Suddenly, there’s a President that says something like “hey, we haven’t always done the best things, we’ve made some mistakes, but I’m here to try and change [somma] that”. <— That's a shock. That's something you've never heard before. Maybe now you need to rethink this "death to America" thing you keep hearing about, if only for a moment.

That's changing the tone.

What does it do? It gives pause to would-be suicide bomber a brief thought that maybe "they" are wrong, maybe America isn't all that bad.

And you know what Kym, if only for those few seconds, I'm good with that; because maybe that's the first original thought that person's had. And maybe that will lead to more. And maybe make him/her less likely to do something silly.

And maybe it won't. But the possiblity exists now where it hasn't in your or my lifetime. And maybe that's worth something.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
9:53 am

To go a bit deeper on the reasons that I have sex:

1. He does it for me.
2. I want to please him in that way.
3. It brings me closer to him emotionally and mentally.
4. He took me to one of those other levels. For me, there are levels to states of arousal. Wet does not necessarily translate into aroused. (Trust, there are dudes out here who don’t know that.)

And I could go on…

sammy

October 9th, 2009
9:54 am

The only reason women need to have sex is to reproduce. Our human species depends on it! If all women got together and decided not to have sex, the human race would become extinct faster than the dinosaurs.

Warren Peace

October 9th, 2009
9:54 am

There was once a study done, and it was probably twenty years ago so the numbers are sure to have changed, that a man averaged twelve sex partners in his life and a woman five. Which sounds to me like both sides were lying. Well, at least I am above average.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:55 am

@Raqi

From a male perspective: it’s not “boosting self esteem” in the sense that the number of women you bag makes you feel better.

Sex with multiple partners at a young age does make a little more socialized (read: popular). It’s also a new relaxing feeling that, like any other drug, you want more of.

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
9:59 am

Gotta Go………Peace and Love Blog Fam Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKaVBVikysw

Professor

October 9th, 2009
9:59 am

As a woman, at the end of the day I only care about why I am doing it and what’s in it for me (let me know if I need to elaborate before you jump to a conclusion). I am not married so I don’t “owe” anything. There is a false belief that women do not like sex, well some do and some don’t…others may have medical issues impacting the pleasure…not to mention all guys are not the headliners they think they are, hell some are not even back-up material. At the end of the day each female has her own reason(s).

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
10:00 am

I have shacked up with a man before. I aint one for submitting to someone’s will.

I think I’m with you on this on Kym… Although I understand all the quotes, verses people throw out… Some people know how to manipulate the verses/quotes to fit the scenarios in their life…

Happy Friday All!!!! :)

SEX is part of human nature, some do it to satisfy a need/become closer with a partner/get things/pro create/satisfy a person.

It’s funny how some think that woman don’t like sex (there may be some out there, but i have yet to encounter one). We enjoy sex, we crave sex, we want sex… but not necessarily with every guy we meet. Those of us who see sex as a very intimate act.. only worth giving to that someone special..may hold it in a higher regard than others. That doesn’t mean we dont want, its just that not everyone is privelaged to test!

OneFreeMan

October 9th, 2009
10:01 am

Every human crave sex until they become impotent. Men and women desire sex equally. Society has placed so many taboos on sex until Americans are totally confused about when, how and with whom to have sex.

Humans were created to have sex, if not it wouldn’t be so much fun.

Enjoy It!

Reality Bird

October 9th, 2009
10:06 am

SexyCool,

I appreciate your comments. In my experience there seem to be steps to arousing women. I’ll mention a few I’ve experienced:

1. Relaxed mentally and physically – this can be accomplished by catching them when they’re not stressed, taking them to a great “geography”, having a good meal, possibly some alcohol,
2. Humor – A great sense of humor helps everybody relax;
3. Judgement – know the right time to become physical with the individual woman

Please go on.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:06 am

SexyCool I like your reasons. In my reason I included “My gift to him” right beside Love because my love for him leads me to want to gift myself to him in a way that I know he wants and appreciates.

I have done it to have my way before. He was leaving to go meet some of his friends but I wanted him to stay home with me. I seduced him, or rather he allowed himself to be seduced, into not going.

Straight to the point

October 9th, 2009
10:09 am

WHAT A JOKE STUDY…lol
Women are in fact more so emotional than men….couple that with the fact that they too get horny, and voila…..they use it for self-expression even more so than a man…look at the women of any day…MOST urban women dress provocative…most women always want to “look good for myself” lol.(yea, right) and most women will use their sexuality to get laid, or to persuade someone to gratify their power fetishes..dont get me started sigmond freuds of atlanta..lol

bottom line is caus ethey get horny just as any person can/does.

NATURE intended men to have instilled within him the need to procreate/screw and its a behavioral instinct, but women call it being a dog: wrong. So, subliminally women compete amongst themselves to remain an attractive sexual force in the eyes of women and men. you show, i look. i look, i want.

As Smokey says: AND U KNOW THIS, MAN!!!!!

Inquistor

October 9th, 2009
10:15 am

Inquiring minds want to know. What about frequency of solo sessions for women? We all know about men. Do they have this kind of drive and how often?

Straight to the point

October 9th, 2009
10:18 am

RAQI

THANK U FOR BEING WOMAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT THOSE QUOTES….

Shaun

October 9th, 2009
10:19 am

What is intimacy but a primordial desire to be with one man so he can support you and not THE HERD.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
10:23 am

The emotionality of sex. Um yeah. I have had sex where there was no emotional bonding. But the best sex is the total package…awesome kisses, total body attention, great oral component, nice fit, rhythmic movement, staying power, after-sex cuddle.

1. Awesome kisses – Kisses that don’t taste funny and are not too wet. Tip: Lick your lips and swallowany excessive saliva in your mouth before kissing your mate. Oh and don’t try to make your person swallow your tongue (She could asphyxiate. LOL)
2. Total body attention – Breasts and cli t are not the only erogeonous zones on a woman’s body.
3. Great oral component – Licking at the kitty like a kitty licking milk is not effective. If you’re afraid to really taste me downtown, don’t get on the #7 headed that way. I’d rather you just not.
4. Nice fit. Doesn’t always mean having a ‘big ego’. Although for most, it helps.
5. Rhythmic movement – If your rhythm doesn’t match mine, Houston, we have a problem. (For instance, if I am thrusting up to meet you while you are withdrawing, that’s going to be worse than white dudes dancing.)
6. Staying power – No hump, hump, c um. If you can’t stand up in it, don’t get in it. (The other part of staying power is knowing when to say when. If you have brought your mate to pleasure of few times and her eyes are now glazed over with boredom, find your happy ending, get up and get the towel and stay the hell outta the wet spot.)
7. After sex cuddle – (Optional) Alternative – Going to sleep.

kaygeeone

October 9th, 2009
10:23 am

Dan, your views on politics are screwed up….your a moron!

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
10:25 am

Oh…and #8. The emotional bonding of making love to someone that you really like, really want to please and really want to be with, as opposed to doing it just for sport.

Cemeeli

October 9th, 2009
10:27 am

First of all, we have to remember that sex is God’s invention. He is the mastermind behind it. This beautiful expression of love was created out of God’s own heart as a gift to be experienced between a husband and wife. The more beautiful and unique something is (like sexual intercourse), the more we want it and for some folks it’s the power held over their lives, either as a good or bad influence.

If God didn’t want us to enjoy sexual relations, he would not have made sex pleasurable.

Lastly, your “members” should be handled with care, and handled by a person that cares about you, and your body. Sex is an art form when two bodies become one…

Hey…

mytw♥tatas WWMy2D?

October 9th, 2009
10:27 am

ELIJAH & MELO Your favorite Pseudo Pyschoanalyst is in today. The chaise lounge is available for a spell…

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
10:27 am

SexyCool

lmao!!… i love it :)

Cemeeli

October 9th, 2009
10:29 am

…i desire it…

sexuallyrepressed

October 9th, 2009
10:31 am

question: how does a man / woman acquires a thirst / hunger for sex?

sweetsay

October 9th, 2009
10:31 am

I totally agree with Mensch59. I HAVE SEX BECAUSE I LOVE HAVING SEX!!!. It is very simple. I am sure my husband might have sex with me sometimes for other reason than simply enjoying it and sometimes i may also, however 99% of the time i do it because i love it. the other 1% may be because i am either sick with the flu or tired but if my husbands gets me aroused, sick or tired doesn’t matter any more because i love having sex.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:33 am

If your rhythm doesn’t match mine

SexyCool ain’t that truff. You gotta connect. Not just physically. But you know, Mesh. In sync. Dancing to the same beat. Feeling each other the same way.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
10:33 am

@SC

Great list! (he says scribbling notes)

@kaygeeone

I take all my advice from terrific spellers, thanks!

Sarge1

October 9th, 2009
10:37 am

Raqi: You da bomb!!! I hope it was a typing error when you alluded to being married. Better stay out of Griffin or I’ll show you WHY women have sex.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
10:37 am

BTW – I’m at home today. Decided I wanted a three day weekend. So, I have nothing but time today.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:38 am

You can’t be square dancing while I Salsa.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
10:42 am

My ex-wife probably would not check any of them. Now a 200+ list of reasons why NOT to have sex, she could write that out in an evening.

Having said that, the ladies I have dated/been in relationships since have often/usually been the aggressors sexually. Sounds strange but I don’t know if it is the “cougar” mentality or what (or maybe I have just been attracted to ladies with active libidos). All I know is that most of the women I have dated this last 7 or 8 years just wanted it, plain and simple. I have found myself wondering if since they aren’t married and having to deal with/think about “obligatory” sex, maybe they are just free to do what they want and that like that empowerment.

Then again, maybe I am a lot better at “romance” than I was in my marriage.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
10:43 am

I am not feeling this topic today!

The study is like asking me why I am hungry….I am hungry,thats all.

Dream_n

October 9th, 2009
10:43 am

@ SexyCool

You’re lucky woman.. I wish I was home :(

Took 2 days next week.. I rarely take vacation… I have to use up the days before the year is up..

@ Dan.. lol

EllTiger

October 9th, 2009
10:44 am

There is a thread that runs through the way men and women look at sex. Check out all of the comments from women and you will see that sex is something that they “give”. Even for the liberated, sophisticate they see it as something that they own and give out when presented with the proper stimuli. Any wonder men see sex as a conquest.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:45 am

Sarge1 I appreciate the compliment and will accept it, however the reason I like it, and love it and always want more it is securely knitted to the man that wears the wedding band I placed on his finger.

But hey, get back at me in about 53 years. He says he will only live to be 95. After then I am all yours.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
10:45 am

So, I have nothing but time today.

is that just a blank statement or u hollering at smebody to come over?? :lol:

(the weather is really nice SCool,not cold,just perfect for that type of thang) :lol:

Dan

October 9th, 2009
10:46 am

@Raqi/SC

As a liberated man, lemme axe y’all a question:

So (based on readings from the blog), I supposed to chase the woman; pursue honorably and earnestly; wine and dine her; stimulate her mentally (throughout this process); wait for her to decide to be ‘intimate’ (while remaining faithful); do all I can to please her physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually during the act; cater to her every desire afterwards; be ready to date exclusively, committ, or marry her (on a timeline she deems appropriate); and spend the rest of my days catering to her happiness at the expense of my own.

Does that sum things up? Is that an accurate description of the “post modern’ (read: 2009) pursuit of a woman?

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:50 am

The perfect kiss for me is all about the lips and the right timing that he takes my bottom lip between his. It really helps that I’m a top lip kisser and he’s a bottom. Perfect. LOL

And yes SexyCool, the proper amount of moisture.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
10:50 am

For Women:

1. A moist la bia is good, River deep, river wide is better. (Use lube if you have to.)
2. Smelling fresh is important. Shower if you can. Freshen if you can’t.
3. Learn to love going to the “head” of the class.
4. Learn how to give good massages.
5. Don’t just lie there.
6. Kegel exercises work.
7. Squats help strengthen riding muscles.
8. Moan when he does something right.
9. Show him how to get you to the happy ending if he doesn’t know.

And I could go on…maybe I should teach a class….~lmao~

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
10:51 am

Raqi,u been to Rays on the River????

I wanna take the Queen there tonite,whats ur recommendation.

Shaun

October 9th, 2009
10:52 am

I gotta say, SC, that “goin’ down for dinner” bidness is best done on a clean plate.

In sex, cleanliness (with no odor) is next to godliness.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
10:52 am

@ Dan Basically yes, but only if you include marriage and she is not a nympho, lol. Definitely not a perfect system…that is why dating “mature” women is so much easier ;-)

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
10:52 am

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
10:54 am

Naw, Melo – Just explaining why I’m online with so much more sex talk than I normally talk…and yes, I know, I talk about sex a lot – but probably just a bit more today…

Dan – That sounds about right. And when you choose right and make a good match, she will be all of those things and more for you and it won’t seem like the major sacrifice of self that you seem believe that it is. To whom much is given, much is required. Sounds simple to me. But here again, we may be talking about an idealistic world. However, I still believe it exists for me.

ScopeN

October 9th, 2009
10:55 am

I like it best when it tastes like the back of your hand and doesn’t look like a roast beef sandwich. It’s interesting how women can be more beautiful “at close range” than others. Never judge a book by only it’s upper cover.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 9th, 2009
10:56 am

@ Dan By the way, none of what you said is new…it has ALWAYS been that way. I saw a gal in a t-shirt that said (okay I may change some of the spelling) “I have the pudsy so I will make the rules”.

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
10:57 am

and spend the rest of my days catering to her happiness at the expense of my own

naaaah…u gotta pull away a lil smetimes,feel desirable to her,have an air the other men dont have,in her eyes…..u know,that which they say,”there is smething about him i like,i dont know what it is”
(jenny is getting back with mark sanford,for all u know) :lol:

U seem available all the time??,she takes u for granted.

Women do like dogs,just depends on the quantity of dog in ya….
:lol:

Melodramatizulu

October 9th, 2009
10:59 am

goin’ down for dinner” bidness is best done on a clean plate

on a virgin???

thats the only guarantee of cleanliness u can have.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
11:00 am

I’m channeling a mix of Alexys K. Taylor and Dr. Ruth today. LOL!