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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Love, Pleasure, Duty

You guys know how fascinated I am by the research studies! CNN recently reported about a study that was conducted to find out why women have sex.  Yes, this was the actual reason for the scientific research! What are the reasons women do it? They also explored what influenced the female sex drive.

After a previous study identified the 237 reasons why women have sex, researchers polled women to see which ones were selected the most.  The responses varied from love, pleasure, and duty.  Is that really all that different from men, though?

One of the researchers, David Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence feelings of self-esteem. I am pretty sure Mr. Buss would have already known this if he was a woman!

What do think about the study? Do you agree that women’s motivation for sex is generally related to love and commitment?  Since women are often referred to as the more complex gender, do you think that what women want out of sex is just as complex?

Guys, does your sexual experiences impact your confidence and self-esteem?  Do you think your motivation for sex and what you get out of it differs from women?

375 comments Add your comment

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
8:37 am

LOL

Before reading the “study” I will list why ‘Raqi’ has sex these days.

1. Intimate and emotional bonding (a lot falls within this category)
2. Love (It’s my gift to him)
3. Pleasure
4. It’s my duty as a wife (if you feel the need to ask I will elaborate)
5. For comfort/consolation (His and mine)
6. For maintenance
7. Boredom (I will explain that one also)

Now let me read the study and why other women are doing it outside of the obvious “Reproduction”.

i'm swiss

October 9th, 2009
8:39 am

[In my best Butt-head voice...]

Huhuhuhuh huhuhuhuh….. Uh… She said “polled”

Dan

October 9th, 2009
8:42 am

@Raqi

Please explain the “duty” part of it? she said duty…huhhuhuh
You’re one of the few that could explain it cogently.

Thanks

Les

October 9th, 2009
8:46 am

Men are biologically driven to crave sex. For men the sex drive is like a hunger or thirst. Men want to quench that thirst for sex. Men may have other supplemental reasons for sex, but there is without a doubt that urge that can be animalistic.

Is sexual desire like a thirst to women? I don’t know.
For women, I guess it has more to do with emotional elements directed to the total life experience, and not an animalistic drive.

i'm swiss

October 9th, 2009
8:46 am

Ha… my favorite quote from the article:

“A study from Meston’s lab showed a strong correlation between how erect a man’s penis is and how aroused he says he is. By contrast, the link is much weaker between a woman’s physical arousal (as measured inside her vagina) and the arousal she says she feels, the researchers found.”

Where’s abc? I’m sure he could provide the explanation for that phenomenon. :lol:

I conducted a parallel survey to determine why men have sex. My findings: because they can. ;-)

Pinky

October 9th, 2009
8:49 am

Wazup All…

I’m a new Cat to the blog. I read this blog all the time but rarely post…

Damn! Raqi, We need to meet up, lol

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
8:50 am

Good Morning and Happy Sexy Friday Bloggers!

Although I don’t put much credence in studies(their samples are usually not fully representative of a real cross section) I will agree that GOOD SEX can enhance life..period! But I will go further to say that even better SEX is accompanied by LOVE and a great RELATIONSHIP!

Fortunately, my self esteem nor happiness is not tied to the lack of Sex, because if was, I would have been in serious trouble during those dry spells. lol

Yes, women are complex at times, but don’t get it twisted sometimes the only goal we have is simple…satisfaction.

Have A Great Day!

Tyree

October 9th, 2009
8:52 am

In the case of ” The Real House Wives of Atlanta”. CA$H.

Nate

October 9th, 2009
8:55 am

Les describes it as well as anyone I’ve ever read. Men have dreams where we see a hot woman and say to ourselves, “Hey, this is a dream, I can have sex with her. And, we do.”

I had one relationship with a woman who seemed to have as strong a craving for sex as I did. Our first year together, we averaged more than once a day. Hadn’t encountered that before, haven’t encountered it since. She had a highly addictive personality. Perhaps she was addicted to sex, too. Whatever the reason, it was great.

Professor

October 9th, 2009
8:59 am

Happy Friday!

I am going to lurk on this one. At this time, I think I am still hyped up by President Obama Nobel Peace Prize win.

Once I am in the MIA thinking mode I will post something.

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
9:00 am

@Tyree – Although that does not apply to them all, That would fall under SEX for SURVIVAL….again not included in the study. LOL:)

Professor

October 9th, 2009
9:00 am

@swiss LOL on the butt-head voice

Reality Bird

October 9th, 2009
9:00 am

“Women are more (emotionally)complex…”

Now, I can agree with that.

While not all women desire sex as often as I do, and while they are more passive about acquiring it, the ones I have been with all prefer to orgasm just like me – multiple times if I can hang with them.

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:02 am

Can I skip the study? I have had sex for all those reason. except Duty. some how I am not feeling that word at all. Yeah pretty sure that word bugs me. Duty. Ughh!!

By the by all of us make a committment to sex. “I am committed to having the big O, I am committed to giving him the big O, I am committted to getting this over with so I can go to sleep, study, wash clothes, get away from you..etc.

Liberal Duck Walk

October 9th, 2009
9:03 am

Obama contemplates increasing troop strength in Afghanistan by adding 40,000 more U.S. militiary forces.

Obama wins Nobel Peace prize.

See a pattern?

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:04 am

I will keep my opinion on the Obama Peace Prize to myself.

Dave

October 9th, 2009
9:09 am

I think it’s a variety of reasons and it differs from woman to woman. I have dated women who only wanted to watch TV and then get naked. Many times it was multiple times a day. She didn’t need a reason, a mood or a setting…all she needed was a place and she would make the time for it. Others had to wait until both the mood and the settings were just right. Once they got going, they were a wildcat, but it took them longer to warm up. A small percentage look on it as something for men to enjoy and women to endure. It’s surprising that a male’s perspective on himself as a lover depends on how the woman responds and behaves. I have experienced feeling like I was the worst lover on the planet, but then in another relationship feel like a porn star. It takes two to tango, though. Society states that it’s up to the man to arouse and satisfy the woman, because the man will get his regardless. What’s one person’s “get wild and go porno in the sack” may be just an average run in the sheets to another. Personally, once we decide to cross the intimacy barrier, NOTHING is off limits except for a third person. I just haven’t been that into that realm. The freakier, sweaty and adventurous, the better. But we as men need to also know that every woman has her own likes, fantasies and hot buttons and we need to warm up to them or miss the boat completely. And women, if you think your man is a sex maniac with suggestions that seem too on the edge, don’t blame us. Blame the woman we dated before you that seemed to be on the same page as us and relished it.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:10 am

@Kym

I won’t.

The haters can bite me.

After 30 years (my lifetime) of America starting wars and doing it because “we can”, we finally have a President that speaks of peace and multilateral global cooperation; instead of a fake azz cowboy with one finger on ‘the button’ and other in his ear/nose.

The groundwork for nuclear disarmament, a sitting US President speaking peace in a Muslim country, and a level headed (as opposed to “whatever Isreal wants to do”) approach to a decades old battle – why shouldn’t he win?

Whether he gets any or all of the goals accomplished, dude has a least changed the tone. No longer is it America first, last and only; but a world where we are adults about our national interests and leading by example as opposed to force.

Professor

October 9th, 2009
9:13 am

Please note that a pattern is a list of events, which forms a constituent arrangement. With all do respect you did not list a pattern.

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
9:14 am

Quotes from the study:

“Genetic benefits”

“When a woman is sexually attracted to a man because he smells good, she doesn’t know why she is sexually attracted to that man,”

“men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women.”

All of that there ^ is just nature taking its course. Sexual desire is an engrained part of nature from our Creator. I just truly find it hilarious when research like this is done to try to decode or dissect something that just is what it is. The true scientific reason for sex is to make babies. Period.

I am LMBO at some of the reason given like to purposely give an STD, to get revenge, etc.

Now this one here: To Mate Guard – Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere.

There is some underlying truth in that statement even when it is not an actual conscious thought. Sex is a natural desire and if you are not giving it to your mate, he/she just may seek it elsewhere. That’s a no-brainer.

Women also mate to get the things they think they want

There is also a bit of truth there ^. Sex should never be used to bargain or manipulate your mate. That is just cruel and childish. But we all know a happy husband is a more giving husband. That’s just the truth. I don’t think there are too many men out there buying their women “the world” and their penises are dry as the Sahara desert. I mean, you know.

czBrat

October 9th, 2009
9:19 am

GM All!

@Swiss 8:39 Thanx for starting my Friday with a good belly laugh!

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:19 am

Raqi

Please tell me you not you just admitted to using sex to “get stuff”.

Not today, Rock, not today

Bob from Accounttemps

October 9th, 2009
9:21 am

Why? Because I’m THAT good! Accountants don’t always do it by the numbers.

Mensch59

October 9th, 2009
9:21 am

Why do some women like Chinese Food? Because it tastes good, it is satisfying and they like it. Cant’ they feel the same way about sex?? It feels good, it is satisfying in many different ways, and they like it.
It seems like these types of “studies” begin with the premise that women do not really like sex but do it for reasons other than the simple enjoyment of it.

JIMBOB

October 9th, 2009
9:21 am

Dan,

You are clueless. The US has been fighting for and establishing one sharia puppet regime after anohther for 30 years. This isn’t ‘pro Israel’ policy and it’s not done because ‘Israel wants us to do it’.

Obama is a slave of the US State Department, a warmongering big-lie fascist just like his predecessors. So far he has been just another US government salesman for the genocidal nazi allied ideology of Islamic leader hajj amin al husseini, concentration camp runner that killed hundreds of thousands of Christians, Roma, and Jews during WWII.

When the Persians called out to the US and Israel to rescue them from the mullhas, Obama supported the mullahs–and Israel was powerless to intervene. He’s not pro-democracy, he’s pro ’subjugation of foreign people’ which is why he so easily gets you to hate actual democracies–like Israel, and so easily gets you to believe in Jewish conspiracy theory. Leaders like him have no problem getting gullible people to believe all kinds of lies.

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
9:22 am

@Kym – Duty may come into play if you are married or in a cohabitation relationship……there are days that you submit to his will………

czBrat

October 9th, 2009
9:22 am

I just truly find it hilarious when research like this is done to try to decode or dissect something that just is what it is.

Exactly! Could that study $$$ have gone toward something more productive?

Mr. WhatDoIKnow

October 9th, 2009
9:24 am

Dan:

The window for consideration for the Peace Prize closed two weeks after PrezBo took office. This says volumes about the Nobel nominations and awards.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:24 am

@jimbob

Like I said:

Deese!

I’m not debating. I said my peace and I’m done.

Again: Deese

mytw♥tatas WWMy2D?

October 9th, 2009
9:25 am

I may have to breakdown and click thru on this link. Cuz I think there’s a laundry list of reasons why we be doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well… then there’s likely a shorter list of why we actually should be doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well…

LES I think all humans crave it and have that kind of primal instinct. But out of the two, maybe (overall) women just don’t pursue every opportunity presented them… which is like #3 on my “Why We Doin’ It list: Sexin’ just to prove you can.

If the amount/frequency of sexin was a direct correlation to one’s self esteem, then I’m gonna walk on the flip side and say if anything – high frequency presents a sense of FALSE confidence. It takes a stronger sense of self to endure…yes, endure without that particular extracurricular. Ponder.

cto79

October 9th, 2009
9:25 am

I did not see where it says ” because they want it”. I do! Now ON to AFF

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
9:26 am

Dan both parties within a marriage has the right to sex. Even the bible says so. We are not to withhold sex from our partners. (From the bible it says: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time,… and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.)

That being said there are times when I do not want sex. No part of it. However, that’s my husband and I owe it to him for the fulfillment of his needs. So as his wife it is my duty to fulfill that need even when I may not want it myself. But it works both ways. He has a duty to fulfill as my husband for my sexual needs.

No, we don’t always give in when the other is wanting, but still as a married couple we owe it to each other.

Keenin

October 9th, 2009
9:29 am

“Professor” – what’s a “constituent arrangement?” (and it’s due process).

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:30 am

@Wings I have shacked up with a man before. I aint one for submitting to someone’s will.

Dan

October 9th, 2009
9:30 am

@Raqi

“Owe” as in a debt to be repaid? Really? “Owe”.

Usually, I’m witcha on a lot of the stuff you say (and sometime’s I play devil’s advocate), but ‘owe’? God help me if I ever find myself with a woman that feels like she ‘owes’ me sex, let ‘lone if I married her.

I just can’t fathom that…..”owe”….wooooowww

Been There Done That

October 9th, 2009
9:31 am

How do you make a woman quit having sex? Marry her.

Roscoe P. Coltrain

October 9th, 2009
9:31 am

I like Turtles!

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
9:32 am

No I did not Dan. Reread my comment. I distinctly said sex should never be used as a bargaining or manipulation tool. However, I think it’s wrong when women want and expect their men to do for them and give them what they want and she is not giving him what he wants.

It can’t be one sided. We have to make each other happy. A happy man makes his woman happy. A happy woman fulfill the needs of her man.

maria

October 9th, 2009
9:33 am

I have sex for all of my own reasons: love, pleasure and because I enjoyed it with my husband. I give it to him when he wants to because I enjoy it as much as he does. I don’t think is a duty either. I love having SEX with him. I’m never too tired or never have a headache or should I just say “I never have an excuse” for him for not to.

Happy Friday!

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
9:37 am

@Kym – I felt the same way….before I fell in love and wanted to be present for him, even on days that I did not feel like it….the reciprocity came in when he understood.

Razor

October 9th, 2009
9:37 am

A friend of mine is a real bad boy. You know, sketchy, slacker, but an astute ladies man. I asked him why and how he is so popular with women. His answer….” What women like about me is…. that when I bang them, they stay banged.”

Raqi

October 9th, 2009
9:38 am

TwoLincolns I think it is a case of “boosting self-esteem” with a lot of men especially in their early years. The more notches they can get and brag about the higher their ego soar. It has nothing to do with love or any other feeling other than to feel good about themselves for their many conquest.

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:38 am

@Dan

Ghandi-Said be the Change you want to see in the world. He lived those words. And freed a nation.

Martin Luther King followed his example and after countless beatings, and deaths set about change to bring dignity to generations who were shut out of a nation they help build.

Mother Teresa-Her work with the poor in the slums of Calcultta has left an impression on this earth that very few will even come close to following.

My point is that each of these people actually did something. Changing the f–ing tone? WTH does that mean? Any of us can change the tone of a room, a city, these people above changed the world, simply by acting. They actually worked. So what actual work has he performed other than getting elected President? Hell Jimmy Carter, Al Gore both have actually done something. To quote a friend this is just showing that the Kool-Aid drinkers are winning.

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:40 am

Wings I loved the man I was shacked up with enough to have his son. Trust me I am not one for submitting to someone’s will.

Wings() - I Fly Above

October 9th, 2009
9:41 am

@Kym – As a matter of fact, I remember having that same discussion with my sister when I was newly married and she sat me down and went to a bible verse in Corinthians on me….

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
9:41 am

Three Words Daily – Respect my sexy.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
9:42 am

I have sex because I like it.
And it feels good.

Eiljah

October 9th, 2009
9:43 am

A freaky Friday Good Morning to everyone!

@Raqi…. I luv that comment of a married person should want to satisfy their mate! That is a excellent mental approach for a married person :smile:

Sex can stimulate your senses and emotional feelings to the fullest, but I am not sure it has anything to do with your increasing your self-esteem!

@Dan ….Excellent comments regarding our President!

@Jimbob…. Please take the negativity to the political blogs!

Kym

October 9th, 2009
9:43 am

Wings using the bible in a convo with me..yeah try Raqi. That is not going to influence, change or open me up to the idea of submiting. I am the one in this piece who believes God is Goddess.

SexyCool

October 9th, 2009
9:44 am

As to POTUS and the Peace Prize. (Yawn)

And getting a text about it at 610a didn’t help my morning start off on an especially positive note.