Reminder: Relationships are important
You know we have all discussed the misadventures in dating on the blog. Ad nauseum. We have also talked about the many, many, many reasons why men and women are so disconnected when it comes to relationships. Despite all of that, I believe that we all know what we are fighting for and why we even put in the effort.
It’s the same reason we sit through the bad dates and put up with the bad attitudes. It’s why men have to deal with gold diggers and Miss Independent. The reason is love and as the song goes, love can be a battlefield.
We go through all of the love wars because deep down inside we appreciate and value one another. I think men and women can understand that we are different and recognize the value in our relationships. Sometimes you should acknowledge why we all try and remind ourselves that relationships are important.
Do you agree, ladies? What do you value the most about men? What do you appreciate about what they bring to the table? How have men and your relationships changed you for the better? What did you learn from them?
What do you think, guys, about the value in the women you have met, dated, or married? What value do you see in women and what they bring to the table? Do you think that women have taught you anything about life and love?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2009 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
337 comments Add your comment
Miss Moni
October 6th, 2009
8:27 am
WOW, it’s going to be one of those blog days. . .
GA Girl
October 6th, 2009
8:45 am
The guys that I’ve dated in the past did not look for us to “complete” each other. We were comfortable in our own skin. If a relationship developed that was fine. If a relationship didn’t develop, we were happy for the experience and thanked God that we found out early. I recently saw a commercial about online dating. This lady was so happy that she finally met someone. She referenced this gentleman as her “world”. This is an example of someone looking for that special person to complete them.
The last boy...yes BOY
October 6th, 2009
9:03 am
The last Man/Boy I dated was 37 1/2 years old and had the mentality of a 2 year old. It was mine, mine, mine! to him…Nothing else mattered on the outside of his fits! I had to dump him because I don’t have time for children…I needed a real man, not a child!
I have dated a few decent men and they brought their honesty and friendship to the table. They were also gentlemen.
Sassy
October 6th, 2009
9:05 am
Oiy!!! Are relationships important? Duh, of course they are! Does being in one make you complete? Hell NO!!!!! Ladies, and gentlemen, if you are searching for someone to complete you … you are certain to be disappointed and damaged further than you are now.
Please DO NOT take that as me saying there is something ‘wrong’ with you. What I am trying (perhaps feebly) to say is that a person can only be good for someone else when they are good to and for themselves. To depend on someone else for your own happiness/completeness is unfair to all parties concerned.
Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
9:07 am
Good Morning Wise…and all.
I think I am going thru one of my “sceptical, cynical” periods. As I have said before, I can’t always tell whether I “love women”, “hate women”, “hate to love women” or “love to hate women”. Weird I know.
When relationships are going great, it is as wonderful as it can get to a man. He feels good about them, good about himself, feels as if he is indestructible and a “Master of the Universe”. Women have that kind of effect. Conversely, when a man gets “blindsided” by a woman he thought he knew, he might take comfort in the next ten ladies that appear, but deep down his pride has been wounded and he can often begin to second guess himself. The ground gets shaky in spite of that Mr. Confident facade he wears.
What do women bring to the table…they are a source of comfort and refuge when the outside world is beating the hellz out of us. They bring to us the greatest gift of all, our children. When we are making warm, mutually enjoyable love and know that we have pleased the woman, our confidence is renewed and we are ready to go back out and conquer the world. Unfortunately, that can also be taken away in a heartbeat. We can come home from a really hard day out in the real world and find it just as hard or harder at home. She can bring a man down by disrespecting him in a thousand ways, not realizing what damage she is doing by simply asking “why did you do that?” which men automatically in their minds add “you dumb SOB”. And as I said before above, we can (just like you women believe it or not) find betrayal instead of comfort from the woman we trusted.
Basically, some things extremely good, some things okay, some things painful…kind of like life actually.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
9:15 am
The one thing I value most about men is their inner strength. All men possess it yet not all men know it nor know how to utilize it.
Men are our counterparts. We were made for each other. Made to fit together.
We balance each other. Every life relationship requires emotion and logic. That’s what we do for each other.
Men have such hard exteriors but house a tenderness that is supah dupah awesome when tapped. We women have a softer exterior but possess a powerful inner energy that feeds the needs of the man.
As for my personal relationship, we make each other whole. We provide the needs of each other. It’s a balanced entity.
Gheeghee
October 6th, 2009
9:19 am
Since truly “clicking” with someone on multiple levels is rare, when a couple does click, men need to value what they have and stop this thinking that there is something better out there. That’s not always true. It goes back to that “fake till you make it” entry: If neither is committed to working to make the relationship better, then move on. I appreciate that men bring a different perspective to the relationship. Particularly from the work world.
I work at accepting my man for who he is and not try and change him. As a result, I am truly empowered to love with no strings attached. But I also expect the same in return.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
9:20 am
they are a source of comfort and refuge when the outside world is beating the hellz out of us
You know what Randy you all do the same for us. Well let me change that. My man does that for me.
I know that man cannot conquer this world and make all things right but he has magical arms. A hug that is so comforting and endearing that just for that few seconds I am good.
And his authorive nature and tone just adds to that comfort.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
9:27 am
I don’t know why more women don’t just appreciate the man what he has to offer rather than trying to be The Man.
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
9:29 am
..morning…
We go through all of the love wars because deep down inside we appreciate and value one another. I think men and women can understand that we are different and recognize the value in our relationships.
…one thing I value about the relationship is; the times I can be completely free and let him in, he doesn’t allow me to hide or run away, he’s there. If I cry and/or laugh, whatever state I am in he’s always steady and steadfast…
I don’t need to be “taught” to know the importance of the relationship…it just is…His strength compliments me.
mytw♥cents WWMy2D?
October 6th, 2009
9:33 am
The quality I value most value about men is that those who take full ownership of their manhood will always be protective when you’re in their presence. I’ve learned to allow and appreciate this more and more as I go, rather than seeing it as a power play. Even when you’re not involved, just in mixed company, you can tell men who have a natural inclination to fill the gap ~ no pun intended. They’ll make sure women (and children) are okay and offer assistance if she seems to be struggling or about to strain herself. I’ve seen guys shrink away from doing this and it kinda baffles me cuz maybe they’re trying not to overstep, but it comes across negatively to me.
The thing that men bring to the table that’s irresistible to me is that nice, strong, all encompassing hug when you get that intoxicating whiff of cologne as you lean into his neck… Depending on the moment, they can be alternately reassuring, comforting, congratulatory, caring, seductive or scandalous… Yay men!
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
9:34 am
And Yes relationships are important. It’s how we as mankind were created and the desire for each happens naturally.
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
9:38 am
Three Words Daily – I’m up now.
There have been times in my life where I have been down. But HE keeps lifting me up and for that I am grateful.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
9:39 am
you can tell men who have a natural inclination to fill the gap ~ no pun intended.
TwoLincolns pun and all it’s true. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that God created us the way he did. I think every thing from the difference in the way we think, the way our hearts function and the way our bodies fit together all as a purpose. A man fills our void at the same time we encase and embrace them.
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
9:41 am
Gheeghee – your 919a – I’m feeling that.
I’ve had a man tell me that he wanted to take care of me and that he cared about my happiness. THAT left me speechless.
Professor
October 6th, 2009
9:45 am
GM,
First off, I love that song, “Love is a Battlefield!”
What do you value the most about men?
Foremost I value the inner strength that men have. Although men are physically stronger I love it when I see them being gentle like playing with their daughters or doing something for their wives or mothers that is totally outside of their element. Have you ever seen a grown man having tea with his daughter or waiting in the nail salon while his elderly mother gets a pedicure? I truly value that gentle side.
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
9:50 am
lol mytwo Well the scent/cologne thing is a “getter”.
Although men are physically stronger I love it when I see them being gentle like playing with their daughters or doing something for their wives or mothers that is totally outside of their element.
Professor Real men take care of the women in their lives…and do it with gentle strength…That’s one that i love too.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
9:55 am
Heres why I love women
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Professor
October 6th, 2009
9:57 am
I am thinking of my dad right now, and I really value the way he took care of our family. My mother always had the “good” car because he never wanted her stranded somewhere. Also my dad always made sure that we were safe- from installing fire detectors to making sure the furnace was working properly I love that protection a man provides. Protection to me is not standing around fighting, but doing those things to make sure that the family is safe. I know some folks were not raised in an environment as such, and it appears like a fantasy but when you come up under the leadership of two parents that love you more than life itself…you have a greater advantage and appreciation that you will carry the minute after you take your last breath.
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
9:57 am
My2/Cemeeli – more co-sign on the scent/cologne thing. LAWD GEEZUS!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
9:58 am
Ladies stop saying what real men do because its obvious ya’ll dont know just like we dont know what real women do. We just think we know because I can come up with a thousand things a real woman supposedly does. Its all subjective and it aint on ya its in ya..
Tazzee
October 6th, 2009
10:00 am
Relationships are very important.
I know people don’t like to say that being with a mate completes them, but I believe that being with a mate completes our image of God here on earth. Without getting too deep, I believe that God created man AND woman in his image. We each, separately, have characteristics of God in us and when we come together in harmony we exemplify Him.
He made us so that we actually fit together perfectly physically and what’s shown in the physical also manifests itself in the spiritual. So a physical fit must be accompanied by a spiritual fit for us to work.
DANG! I’ve got a meeting… topic will probably be changed when I get back.
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
10:04 am
Maybe we can talk it over
And save our hopes and dreams
Though the waves seem endless
Somehow we’ll cross this angry sea
With love all things are possible
If we just believe
I need to know, yes it’s okay
Can I hurdle this storm,
yes but only Together
With love in our hearts,
the only way
Somehow, things will work out
just you wait and see
Wings (I Fly Above)
October 6th, 2009
10:06 am
I’ve had a man tell me that he wanted to take care of me and that he cared about my happiness. THAT left me speechless.
SexyC – YES! Further, he has not given up on me even though I’ve been unsure about what I want.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:07 am
Tazzee – excellent post..
The Yin and Yang = perfect harmony and peace.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:10 am
I was trying to hold off a bit from talking about that physical “umph” that men add to a relationship, but since you all insist…
The warm fuzzies ignited by a specimen that so firm, edgy, masculine…
That man aroma…
I heart the simplest things that happen in the middle of the night, like when you wake up at 2:49am for no obvious reason and that special someone lying next to you awakes sensing your restlessness, grabs you and pulls you close and proceeds to gently places kisses on your shoulder…
Rell - da rake
October 6th, 2009
10:12 am
I believe that God created man AND woman in his image. We each, separately, have characteristics of God in us and when we come together in harmony we exemplify Him.
He made us so that we actually fit together perfectly physically and what’s shown in the physical also manifests itself in the spiritual. So a physical fit must be accompanied by a spiritual fit for us to work.
YEP!!
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
10:14 am
Great Topic WD …. Morning To all
I understand and value relationships. Whether it be with a mate, a sister, a mom, god, a friend, or just co-workers.
It’s so important to have healthy relationships with the people around you. It not only makes you a better person, but it can also bring out the best in other people.
In relation to a man… I love strenth. I admire a man that can take care of his business in the home and outside of the home. A man that can hit the gym, play b-ball with the boys, but still comes home and turn into mush when he sees his “girls”.
I also aprreciate a man’s relationship with his mother, it’s something about the bond between a mother and son that sends chills through me…(respect).
We all have to have relationships in our life.. let me rephrase that we all have to have healthy relationships in our lives. Its the nature of the world. Haven’t you realise that if you’re negative about everything, either you attract negative people, or you find yourself wallowing in a puddle of negativity by yourself?
I haven’t dated that much in my life.. hell i’ve been in a relationship for 5 yrs…but this relationship has been through its good, bad, and ugly. I’ve seen every side of it.. I’ve learned to appreciate the good so much more and whatever path I’m going to be led in… I wouldn’t change the past experiences negative or positive for anything..
Melodramatizulu
October 6th, 2009
10:18 am
What do you value the most about men? What do you appreciate about what they bring to the table?
The problem with this blog,based on my gleanings on what uall wrote so far(maybe except Raqi/Tazzee) is that uall very Cindirella..talk in generalities and utopian lingo with no substance to ur delivery.
A relationship is real work,u didvide responsibilities and duties and u solve problems etc.U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues.Expolain how u apreciate the woman or man in ur relationship at that point!!
Get real and talk substance..not like school girls/boys/
Uall think relationships is going to the Jay zz concert and going to a candle light dinner..blah blah blah…??
don’t know why more women don’t just appreciate the man what he has to offer rather than trying to be The Man now ur talking Raqi!!
Now talk about that!
I be back….
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
10:24 am
Well, thank you, Melo for taking yet ANOTHER opportunity to criticize but add nothing of real value to the conversation.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:27 am
Raqi – I can agree with you 9:27 post..
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
10:28 am
Besides, if we don’t get the fluffy part of love, guess what – it’s not love, it’s just a business transaction at that point.
ALL OF IT IS LOVE, Melo. And we want ALL of it without settling.
So, no, I’m not focused on his Issey Miyake when we’ve got a hole in the roof. But that night, after the contractors are gone and we’ve discussed the three quotes that we received and we have made the decision about the best way to pay for the work to be done, I want him to light a candle, run his fingers through my hair, look into my eyes, whisper my name and to smell good doing it.
How’s that for real talk?
czBrat
October 6th, 2009
10:28 am
GM!
What do I love and admire in a man? That he can be so strong (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and make it look so easy
Wings and Roots
October 6th, 2009
10:29 am
Melo – All relationships take work …..Love is a Battlefield……no doubt…been through it…..I’ve been broken hearted but never dogged. More importantly…I’ve been loved and I have not always returned that love to the one who deserved it most. But today, I choose to simply appreciate knowing someone that cares for me in spite of myself….
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
10:29 am
Melodramatic This is comedy.
We know relationships take work, you’re right.….every relationship is different, & every relationship has it’s Cinderella <- (your word) moments…hopefully yours still do too?
…gon’ somewhere!
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
10:30 am
@ Tazzee : Your 10:00 is on point… but I think may become a problem when some women NEED a man to complete them. They feel as though they can’t be alone. If their alone, they feel worthless and unwanted…. I
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:31 am
Sexy – actually he’s on to something cause thats what I saw when I tuned in.. Male sneak dissin.. Not out right F you but that underhanded low blow convo goin on.. Relationships are about ya’ll against the world.. Goin to the store to buy pads for ya girl when you know somebody you know miht see ya.. Doin the things you would never do for anyone else except that person. I gives a damn about ya perfume, its nice but I care more about our future and where we’re going. Building this foundation to sit the house called us on..
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
10:31 am
He did that on purpose…shoulda known…
i’m ready to play.
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
10:34 am
Cemeeli – Your response actually calmed me down. Melo gets on my damn nerves sometimes. LOL!
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:36 am
U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues
Melo that is true. It takes it all to have a relationship. But to address the issues such as you presently, I appreciate with when a man takes control of the situation and don’t let up until it’s done.
I appreciate a man that uses his rightfully granted authority when it is appropriate. A man that will not rest until his house is properly living conditions.
A man that listens while he sleeps and acts at the slightest sounds of distress.
You can’t help but love that man and gift physical love to that man.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:36 am
The whole point is this.. Men look at love differently than women.. We dont look at the fuzzies we look at the logic. We look at the performance and whether or not we are accomplishing the goals we set out for us.
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
10:38 am
SCool Don’t let Melo get your presha (pressure) up. Lol
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:39 am
We care more about whether youre safe and sound than anything. A man truly loves you when your well being becomes more important than his..
Professor
October 6th, 2009
10:41 am
U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues.Expolain how u apreciate the woman or man in ur relationship at that point!!
@ Melo unless you live in an outhouse or shotgun house with a 30 year old tin roof…everyday is not going to be flood damage or a leaking roof. Relationships are not always about problems and solving things, but building and taking two people and bonding them together. As a couple build and grow together they know that they are greater than a leaky roof and stronger than the busted pipes. Shoot I can remember my daddy yelling from under the house is the water off because he was getting ready to repair a leaking pipe. Yes everyone valued him being handy around the house, but he was a complex man with many talents and we valued them all from him being our superman to my guest of honor at my tea parties.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
10:43 am
I understand your comments Melo, but I have learned that as the years pass, the times that shined like gold when they happened eventually become less important, while the toughest times, the times you would not wish on your worst enemy, become the most important memories. The times you spent getting thru the dark become the memories you value most because they prove to you just how strong you can be.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:43 am
SexyCool you know Melo. He is a “married” man on the prowl that seeks to discredit the thoughts of single women. You know that. Give him another hour and he will be talking out of line to one of you with his own interpretation of something you mentioned about your body or part of it.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:47 am
Raqi – Ouch!!!
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
10:49 am
A man truly loves you when your well being becomes more important than his..
I think you’re on to something today DK……
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
10:49 am
LOL @ Raqi The printed word is a powerful weapon
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
10:49 am
DK – To your 1039a, I JUST had this conversation with someone, I asked him how would he know that he was in love. His response, “When I’m willing to place her happiness before mine.”
Sighs.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:52 am
The times you spent getting thru the dark become the memories you value most because they prove to you just how strong you can be.
Randy and they show your significant other just what you are truly made of. The most memorable moments are not those earth shaking orgasms, but are in fact when you got in the middle of the night to sit with her when she was ill. You trekked it to the all night pharmacy to get medicine. You guarded her while you two went to see what that unusual noise might be.
You cleaned a dead squirrel from her tire rim. You without remorse dismissed a rude friend that tried to disrespect her.Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
10:53 am
***reminder***
A man truly loves you when your well being becomes more important than his…
***btw***
I ain’t taking stabs at men cause i help create one…But sometimes this we are more “logical” than ya’ll get’s old…we know the scale is tilted and in what direction that is…when you keep reading a person and what the individual is saying you’d get-it…that person is saying “I also love this about a relationship”…
It’s okay to venture off the “beat down of life” path SOMEtimes…ain’t it?
Dan
October 6th, 2009
10:54 am
@DK
Um, I’d say when her happiness/well being is tied to my own.
Her happiness before mine is some self-sacrificing “on the Cross” type isht.
I get your point, but that was embellishment
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
10:54 am
@ SexyCool re: “When I’m willing to place her happiness before mine.”
Speaking as a man, this is absolutely 100% correct. If the ladies on the blog want to gauge what a man really feels, look for this. If it is not there, then he is just wanting a “roll”.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:54 am
Infamous What? You know how he is. It’s him. I actually like Melo even when it takes it to far. He says some good things at times but he is known for his outrageous saying and confessions. You gotta like him for his tactless realness.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
10:55 am
Sexy – Thats what it is.. Honestly. When a dude loves you he doesnt care about his happiness he lives to see you smile and know youre happy. Thats why its so damaging to a dude when nothing he does makes you happy. That is the one thing that kills a mans confidence because as Randy put it thats when we begin question ourselves as men. Those little words of encouragement go a long way when it comes to men.. We are willing to Box for our fam but ya’ll have to be the corner man to patch us up when the world beats us down..
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
10:57 am
@ Raqi Yup, actions are ultimately what define a relationship…not fancy/touching/sentimental words (although the best is when both are present).
czBrat
October 6th, 2009
10:58 am
Thanx Randy. That sums up the relationship I’m in now, and I must admit it’s definitely new to me.
Raqi
October 6th, 2009
10:59 am
SexyCool I agree with that. A man that has a good woman has a woman that will appreciate him putting her happiness before his and she will in turn strive to make him happy, which will add fuel to his energy to make her happy and she will recognize that added fuel and live to make him happy which makes him make her that much more happy.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:00 am
Dan – Dog when I love I love hard and that has been a problem of mine.. Tying my happiness to her happiness because it brings me joy to see her happy and content. Im getting better to make sure the playing field is level though
Cee – But thats what it is.. A man will never love you exactly like you want because if he does he will be a girl. We are just incapable of certain things. I dont know if thats coming out right but I’ll explain more later. We are wired different..
Melodramatizulu
October 6th, 2009
11:03 am
Yeah, i think im just too deep for most of u,thats why.
Randyt,u got what im saying….u 2 Raqi…
Proff, i just mentioned flooding as an example of the myraid of trials and tribulations that beset relationships,not necessarily the only issue..money issues,kids issues,relative issues,u name it…..
I value my Queen coz of the way she takes care of my household,her caring and counselling ways to our kids,the doctor errands,the way she juggles the budget in the face of insufficient money to do all,her calm demeanor in the face of all these obstacles,her ever present smile and even when im in deep thogt about something serious,she will come plant a kiss on my cheek,her persistence in trying to cut costs and the way she hustles with providers so our bill(whatever it is) can be lower….
she really completes me,i can say that coz my character is the oposite of her and that brings a dimension thats different and is a contrast to mine which,in certain timely situations,i really value.
She is very Godly and i shudder to think how my kids wld have turned where it for her persistence that she attends church with them.I do on occassion.
My Queen seems to care for everybody,not just us,his immediate fam.She is not non chalant about other pple issues nor is she aloof in any way..the very opposite of what others think I am.She thus definately brings a balance to my family coz she will poersuade me to go places or talk to pple who i wld otherwise no talk to or go visit were it just me or with another woman.
On the physical,she says im sweet.I think shes sweeter!
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
11:05 am
Melo – the day that you’re too deep will be the day that I can walk across the Atlantic with the water coming only to my knees.
Dan
October 6th, 2009
11:05 am
Hold up
Putting someone else’s happiness before your own is the recipe for suicide (living your life for someone else). That’s not your responsibility and assuming it leads to failure – FLAT OUT
Again, I get the point y’all are trying to make; but let’s speak it a little more plainly folks.
Concern for your loved one’s happiness is one thing….
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
11:06 am
Sometimes, love is being willing to sacrifice self.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
11:09 am
Yeah Melo, I understand…I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. In the end it is all good. Liked your 11:03. The wine and roses are nice, but they are just superficial if there is nothing underneath.
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:09 am
@ Infamous – naw if you’ve read me befroe you know i don’t do “them” men…I don’t want/have a man like you stated.
A man will never love you exactly like you want because if he does he will be a girl. We are just incapable of certain things.
Here ^^^ you’re talking about Love…I’ll get to that later.
But my point from earlier was toward the statement to say someone is in Fairy Tale Land jus cause they said i like his cologne/scent/his potato shaped butt, is a bit overstated to call it that. If that’s what she/he like than yeah, those are the OTHER things they like about the relationship too.
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
11:11 am
@ Yeah, I think im just too deep for most of u,thats why.
No I just think your e-personality sucks sometimes…
You are one of those guys that has two heads on your shoulder.. With your post you just posted I can relate to you, talk you… but given your track record you can easily veer off to the azzhole road just as quick… I’m not sure if you really believe half the things you post.. and while I’ve always been told to respect my elders I’m finding it very hard to.
Not everyone was brought up in your culture although someone mentioned you’ve been here for “decades” I’m sure assimilation has taken some sort of seat in your culture. I tried to chalk it up to you being from a different “culture” as one said here, but hell you’re an adult set in your ways and I chalk it up to ignorance at times.. While everyone has a right to their own opinion your shots at other’s opinions is just rude sometimes.. You can disagree with out putting yourself on this imaginary peda stool that only you can see…
Still have luv for ya… though
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:14 am
her ever present smile and even when im in deep thogt about something serious,she will come plant a kiss on my cheek,
Imma leave this and you alone and go back to listening to my music line up…
But ummmm, acoording to what you stated about the Mrs. that would be “Cinderella” statement of what you mentioned earlier.’
jus sayin’
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
11:14 am
@ Dan
I think the difference, where the danger zone is, is when one’s self-esteem and happiness are tied to someone else…codependency. It is okay, I think, to be willing to put someone’s happiness before ones own (although it is nice to gt reciprocity), but if you allow YOUR self esteem to be tied in ANY WAY to that person’s actions then you are setting yourself up for trouble.
Bottom line is that it is okay to sacrifice, but not if the response of lack of response controls you.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:15 am
Dan – Actually my Father did it that way but it was and is reciprocated. Thats what I know.. When Mama is happy everybody is happy but I understand now everybody wasnt RAISED the way I was..
You never live your life for anyone else but you do take them into consideration when doing for the fam.. I like to see my boo happy when I have one cause Im gonna make sure she doesnt have to look for happiness in any other dude..
SexyCool will be...
October 6th, 2009
11:15 am
I’m trying to decide if discovering incompatibility in a new relationship is like a sunrise or a sunset.
anonymousella
October 6th, 2009
11:16 am
after my manager — a man — changed my tire for me today, what i value most about men right now is their PHYSICAL STRENGTH. that’s about all i value in men generally.
now in the particular man in my life, i value his wit, intelligence, generosity, confidence and emotional strength most of all. he’s awesome.
For Real
October 6th, 2009
11:16 am
The way it’s fos-ta work is “man places woman before himself and woman places man before herself” – Thus creating two people working hard as hell to make each other happy.
What a woman brings to the table? It’s hard to fine but I know it exist, SOFTNESS!!! POLITENESS!!! SOOTHING VOICE!!! and a NICE ANKLE TO CALF RATIO!!!! Oh and I like it when women collapse a lil bit in my arms.
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:17 am
Are the men speaking on Love?
Are the women speaking of relationships?
= Diffrence.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:19 am
Randy – Yeah thats the point im trying to make.. My self esteem is never tied to a relationship because I always think Im fly but I have been shaken to my core.
Elijah ( Professor! What a woman????)
October 6th, 2009
11:20 am
Good Morning!
@DK ….. That is an awesome statement when any individual loves a person enough to put their own happiness before their own happiness!
That statement is right on point! I think some ladies miss out on this opportunity because they do not know what makes them happy!
@Professor… excellent points about what your father did for your household!
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:20 am
Cee – of course because everything else is just sex, lies and videotape..
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:22 am
lol …
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:22 am
Cee – see with us a sexual relationship is a relationship but love os a whole nother animal.. Thats a youze my woman and ize ya man difference..
The Truth
October 6th, 2009
11:24 am
Actually everybody is right. A good relationship is part smell good/feel good part hand me the plunger. Bliss is finding a mate thats ratio is exactly like yours. If your heavy on the romance and weaker on the reality then meet a mate that is likewise. And vice versa.
Dk, what you refer to about placing your own happiness on the backburner is more about your comfort being a man, Alot of dudes nowadays cant do that because their emotional makeup is to fragile. I’ve relayed the story about giving the ex the larger share of any cash I had. If I had 10 I’d give her 7 and take 3. Thing is I couldnt take the thought that she would have to be hungry. For me I can get by on whatever. Push come to shove I’d ask you for one of your peanut butter and jellies but I could nt have her do that. Ego? Yes When I got home I knew it would be food because she cooked everyday so it came back.
Same for a cat that will let his woman drive around in a dirty car. If your not going to take care of her put her back on the market. How can a cat let his girl ride around in a dump, or not have electricity or water or what the fugg ever. I want these things for me so I dam sure want them for her.
Recently heard about a dude I hooked up with a woman and they got married and had kids.. She told me he’d fill up the tank then tell her she owed him money. Naturally they’re divorced now. Her term was he’s a B**tch. Alot of that going around.
For a cat you gotta make sure that what you’re handing out is coming back in the form you need it. Thing is you gotta know what you need upfront or you’ll be bamboozled and hoodwinked. /and work out all that BEFORE you get the woman.
Whats up people? Hope all is going well.
Wise Diva
October 6th, 2009
11:24 am
NICE ANKLE TO CALF RATIO <<– that's actually a new one on me, wow.
I am really loving the comments today, very thoughtful.
Miss Moni, what were you referring to when you said it would be one of those blog days? Just curious
Tazzee
October 6th, 2009
11:25 am
A man that has a good woman has a woman that will appreciate him putting her happiness before his and she will in turn strive to make him happy, which will add fuel to his energy to make her happy and she will recognize that added fuel and live to make him happy which makes him make her that much more happy.
Dan, this is the healthy manifestation of putting one’s happiness before yours. The problem comes when you do that with the wrong woman.
It’s already been mentioned, but what I love about men is their need to protect and care for us. When I’m in his arms I feel so safe and secure it’s immeasurable. I like how I can just let my guard down knowing that he’s ‘got this’
I love the fact that he loves me differently than I love him – his rational acts of love are a perfect balance to my more emotional acts.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:25 am
The difference is this.. When we just cutting I like for you to wear your wh0re getups but when I love you I want you to tone it down because I dont want everybody gawking at ya.. Looking ok but not gawking.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
October 6th, 2009
11:26 am
@ DK re: sex, lies and videotape
That was a great movie when it came out, (and Andie McDowell can have me anytime, no questions asked). My comment though is that given what I see on the Internet these days, the “VIDEOTAPE” potion of the “sex lies, and videotape” is a hundred times more prevalent now. As the really old TV show used to say, “Smile, you’re on candid camera”.
For Real
October 6th, 2009
11:27 am
Are the men speaking on Love? – Yes cause we don’t sometimes (how’s that Dan) place the happiness of a woman ahead of ours unless it’s love.
Are the women speaking of relationships? – For men Relationship = Zippppppppp + Ummm yeah I can’t stay + do i want to hit this again / drama
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:32 am
@ Infamous – Okay! That’s my point…the women are speaking about relationships.
Then it took ONE statement of “ya’ll in fairy land” and a few ran with it…i see now there are more ‘fuzzy statments’ from the men. And not one of the women have taken a stab at that…
all good though’…
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:35 am
Cee – thats what we see though cause when we enter into a relationship and get to callin ya’ll my girl.. Then we see ourselves loving you.. We aint gonna say it but we see it.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 6th, 2009
11:37 am
Morning peeps!
Hey hubby Truth! I liked your post.
I used to work with a woman who had what I would call a sorry husband. Her car would cut off all the time and she would have to get a boost or tow, yet he drove around in a BMW. They both worked, but all expenses were split down the middle even though he made way more than she did. She was constantly struggling. He did not get the message until one day their lights got cut off because she didn’t have the money to pay the bill, even though she told him. She said it was either that or the day care for their 2 daughters. He helped with neither. They lived in a tiny, old cramped house. All she really had was a roommate, not a helpmate.
I LOVE everything a MAN, not boy, brings to the table – his physical strength, emotional strength, his big, protective arms that say EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT!
I have NO desire to be THE MAN! In fact, the times where I had to in the past, when I was dating grown boys, I resented it.
Professor
October 6th, 2009
11:37 am
@Melo I knew that floods were just an example, but my point is the good should out weight the bad and if a catastrophic event is happening every week…well “God is trying to tell you something” I am singing it like Shug from the Color Purple..
@Elijah…thanks
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
11:37 am
@ The Truth
Amen to your post…
I think our younger generation lacks this mind set… They are the generation of Me,Me,Me… Their goals are to snatch up as many girls as they can and leave them when their done. Most of them don’t have a positive male role model in their life to teach them the basic necessities. I look at my younger male cousins, being reaised by single mothers and they’re out of control… No morals, no manners, no care in the world except themselves, then I look at my daughter and I get scared for her. It’s scary to think about the generation right behind me b/c most of them are growing up with no common sense… Look at the girls now a days.. no respect for themselves, letting every tom, dick, and harry use them up… So now we have the boys growing up thinking that they don’t have to put in work to sustain a healthy mature relationship…
Rell - da rake
October 6th, 2009
11:40 am
@truth…it does not always come back dude….trust
Cemeeli
October 6th, 2009
11:40 am
@ Infamous – Some people don’t see relationship & love through the same hour glass…
You and i may see it that way, but definetly not all people in a relationship…women too.
Rell - da rake
October 6th, 2009
11:41 am
I look at my younger male cousins, being reaised by single mothers and they’re out of control… No morals, no manners, no care in the world except themselves
- i think the same but folks say its not the single mothers fault….
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:45 am
Rell – @truth…it does not always come back dude….trust
Man dont I know it..
Melodramatizulu
October 6th, 2009
11:48 am
but my point is the good should out weight the bad and if a catastrophic event is happening every week…well
Naw,naw..u onto another diff tangent, i believe.My tip was that a relationship is work,good work,struggle and hustle but still good hustle and struggle.
I aint necessarily talking about a catastrophe on the regular,tho they do happen.
On the real tip,based on what i know,on the surface of it,and in here MIA, a relationship cld be fuzzy luvy dovey, luv.
In the real lyfe out there and for 2 pple in it, a healthy and luving relationship is the satisfaction u get,going thru the motions of daily struggles,esp for us with kids.
It doesnt seem lovey dovey most of the times unless u give it that deeper reflection.
Dream_n,i aint ignoring u..i just think u hardly 23 and hardly 3 weeks in here.
Welcome!
The Truth
October 6th, 2009
11:50 am
Rell and DK: Thats when you need to have talk. I like telling a chick whats important to me and if she’s not inclined to make it happen then thats what I need to know. She gets no more benefits and falls in the knockoff category to she figures out whats going on and bolts.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:54 am
Truth – Yeah Im a firm believer in you must talk.. Its essential. Im channeling some old when the lines of communication broke down during my marriage mess. I knew “Houston we have a problem” and I was on the dark side of the moon..
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 6th, 2009
11:55 am
Truth – In dating… Im up front and know what I need. If its not panning out then we just bump uglies till it gets old..
Dream_n
October 6th, 2009
11:56 am
@ RELL..
I’m not blaming the single mothers.. by any means…. There are some kids out there that are just knuckle heads and will do whatever the majority is doing regardless of what they are being taught at home. But from my cousins stand point, I have to put some fault on the mothers b/c they aren’t teaching them the basic rules of being a young adult.. plus it doesn’t help that there’s more than one father for 3 kids…
czBrat
October 6th, 2009
11:59 am
Rell 11:41 I will take some of that blame as a single mother. I’ve been divorced 8 years and my son is now 17. I DO NOT know how to teach him to be a man. I do not know how to teach him tempered strenght. As a matter of fact, I will admit, now that he is flexing those male muscles and trying to find his way into adulthood, I often take his show of strength as defiance and this leads to confrontations between us. It’s difficult for both of us but, no doubt, much harder on him.