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Reminder: Relationships are important

You know we have all discussed the misadventures in dating on the blog. Ad nauseum. We have also talked about the many, many, many reasons why men and women are so disconnected when it comes to relationships. Despite all of that, I believe that we all know what we are fighting for and why we even put in the effort.

It’s the same reason we sit through the bad dates and put up with the bad attitudes. It’s why men have to deal with gold diggers and Miss Independent. The reason is love and as the song goes, love can be a battlefield.

We go through all of the love wars because deep down inside we appreciate and value one another. I think men and women can understand that we are different and recognize the value in our relationships. Sometimes you should acknowledge why we all try and remind ourselves that relationships are important.

Do you agree, ladies? What do you value the most about men? What do you appreciate about what they bring to the table? How have men and your relationships changed you for the better? What did you learn from them?

What do you think, guys, about the value in the women you have met, dated, or married? What value do you see in women and what they bring to the table? Do you think that women have taught you anything about life and love?

337 comments Add your comment

Miss Moni

October 6th, 2009
8:27 am

WOW, it’s going to be one of those blog days. . . ;-)

GA Girl

October 6th, 2009
8:45 am

The guys that I’ve dated in the past did not look for us to “complete” each other. We were comfortable in our own skin. If a relationship developed that was fine. If a relationship didn’t develop, we were happy for the experience and thanked God that we found out early. I recently saw a commercial about online dating. This lady was so happy that she finally met someone. She referenced this gentleman as her “world”. This is an example of someone looking for that special person to complete them.

The last boy...yes BOY

October 6th, 2009
9:03 am

The last Man/Boy I dated was 37 1/2 years old and had the mentality of a 2 year old. It was mine, mine, mine! to him…Nothing else mattered on the outside of his fits! I had to dump him because I don’t have time for children…I needed a real man, not a child! :-)

I have dated a few decent men and they brought their honesty and friendship to the table. They were also gentlemen.

Sassy

October 6th, 2009
9:05 am

Oiy!!! Are relationships important? Duh, of course they are! Does being in one make you complete? Hell NO!!!!! Ladies, and gentlemen, if you are searching for someone to complete you … you are certain to be disappointed and damaged further than you are now.

Please DO NOT take that as me saying there is something ‘wrong’ with you. What I am trying (perhaps feebly) to say is that a person can only be good for someone else when they are good to and for themselves. To depend on someone else for your own happiness/completeness is unfair to all parties concerned.

Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 6th, 2009
9:07 am

Good Morning Wise…and all.

I think I am going thru one of my “sceptical, cynical” periods. As I have said before, I can’t always tell whether I “love women”, “hate women”, “hate to love women” or “love to hate women”. Weird I know.

When relationships are going great, it is as wonderful as it can get to a man. He feels good about them, good about himself, feels as if he is indestructible and a “Master of the Universe”. Women have that kind of effect. Conversely, when a man gets “blindsided” by a woman he thought he knew, he might take comfort in the next ten ladies that appear, but deep down his pride has been wounded and he can often begin to second guess himself. The ground gets shaky in spite of that Mr. Confident facade he wears.

What do women bring to the table…they are a source of comfort and refuge when the outside world is beating the hellz out of us. They bring to us the greatest gift of all, our children. When we are making warm, mutually enjoyable love and know that we have pleased the woman, our confidence is renewed and we are ready to go back out and conquer the world. Unfortunately, that can also be taken away in a heartbeat. We can come home from a really hard day out in the real world and find it just as hard or harder at home. She can bring a man down by disrespecting him in a thousand ways, not realizing what damage she is doing by simply asking “why did you do that?” which men automatically in their minds add “you dumb SOB”. And as I said before above, we can (just like you women believe it or not) find betrayal instead of comfort from the woman we trusted.

Basically, some things extremely good, some things okay, some things painful…kind of like life actually.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
9:15 am

The one thing I value most about men is their inner strength. All men possess it yet not all men know it nor know how to utilize it.

Men are our counterparts. We were made for each other. Made to fit together.

We balance each other. Every life relationship requires emotion and logic. That’s what we do for each other.

Men have such hard exteriors but house a tenderness that is supah dupah awesome when tapped. We women have a softer exterior but possess a powerful inner energy that feeds the needs of the man.

As for my personal relationship, we make each other whole. We provide the needs of each other. It’s a balanced entity.

Gheeghee

October 6th, 2009
9:19 am

Since truly “clicking” with someone on multiple levels is rare, when a couple does click, men need to value what they have and stop this thinking that there is something better out there. That’s not always true. It goes back to that “fake till you make it” entry: If neither is committed to working to make the relationship better, then move on. I appreciate that men bring a different perspective to the relationship. Particularly from the work world.

I work at accepting my man for who he is and not try and change him. As a result, I am truly empowered to love with no strings attached. But I also expect the same in return.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
9:20 am

they are a source of comfort and refuge when the outside world is beating the hellz out of us

You know what Randy you all do the same for us. Well let me change that. My man does that for me.

I know that man cannot conquer this world and make all things right but he has magical arms. A hug that is so comforting and endearing that just for that few seconds I am good.

And his authorive nature and tone just adds to that comfort.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
9:27 am

I don’t know why more women don’t just appreciate the man what he has to offer rather than trying to be The Man.

Cemeeli

October 6th, 2009
9:29 am

..morning…

We go through all of the love wars because deep down inside we appreciate and value one another. I think men and women can understand that we are different and recognize the value in our relationships.

…one thing I value about the relationship is; the times I can be completely free and let him in, he doesn’t allow me to hide or run away, he’s there. If I cry and/or laugh, whatever state I am in he’s always steady and steadfast…

I don’t need to be “taught” to know the importance of the relationship…it just is…His strength compliments me.

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 6th, 2009
9:33 am

The quality I value most value about men is that those who take full ownership of their manhood will always be protective when you’re in their presence. I’ve learned to allow and appreciate this more and more as I go, rather than seeing it as a power play. Even when you’re not involved, just in mixed company, you can tell men who have a natural inclination to fill the gap ~ no pun intended. They’ll make sure women (and children) are okay and offer assistance if she seems to be struggling or about to strain herself. I’ve seen guys shrink away from doing this and it kinda baffles me cuz maybe they’re trying not to overstep, but it comes across negatively to me.

The thing that men bring to the table that’s irresistible to me is that nice, strong, all encompassing hug when you get that intoxicating whiff of cologne as you lean into his neck… Depending on the moment, they can be alternately reassuring, comforting, congratulatory, caring, seductive or scandalous… Yay men!

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
9:34 am

And Yes relationships are important. It’s how we as mankind were created and the desire for each happens naturally.

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
9:38 am

Three Words Daily – I’m up now.

There have been times in my life where I have been down. But HE keeps lifting me up and for that I am grateful.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
9:39 am

you can tell men who have a natural inclination to fill the gap ~ no pun intended.

TwoLincolns pun and all it’s true. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that God created us the way he did. I think every thing from the difference in the way we think, the way our hearts function and the way our bodies fit together all as a purpose. A man fills our void at the same time we encase and embrace them.

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
9:41 am

Gheeghee – your 919a – I’m feeling that.

I’ve had a man tell me that he wanted to take care of me and that he cared about my happiness. THAT left me speechless.

Professor

October 6th, 2009
9:45 am

GM,

First off, I love that song, “Love is a Battlefield!”

What do you value the most about men?

Foremost I value the inner strength that men have. Although men are physically stronger I love it when I see them being gentle like playing with their daughters or doing something for their wives or mothers that is totally outside of their element. Have you ever seen a grown man having tea with his daughter or waiting in the nail salon while his elderly mother gets a pedicure? I truly value that gentle side.

Cemeeli

October 6th, 2009
9:50 am

lol mytwo Well the scent/cologne thing is a “getter”.

Although men are physically stronger I love it when I see them being gentle like playing with their daughters or doing something for their wives or mothers that is totally outside of their element.

Professor Real men take care of the women in their lives…and do it with gentle strength…That’s one that i love too.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
9:55 am

Heres why I love women

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Professor

October 6th, 2009
9:57 am

I am thinking of my dad right now, and I really value the way he took care of our family. My mother always had the “good” car because he never wanted her stranded somewhere. Also my dad always made sure that we were safe- from installing fire detectors to making sure the furnace was working properly I love that protection a man provides. Protection to me is not standing around fighting, but doing those things to make sure that the family is safe. I know some folks were not raised in an environment as such, and it appears like a fantasy but when you come up under the leadership of two parents that love you more than life itself…you have a greater advantage and appreciation that you will carry the minute after you take your last breath.

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
9:57 am

My2/Cemeeli – more co-sign on the scent/cologne thing. LAWD GEEZUS!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
9:58 am

Ladies stop saying what real men do because its obvious ya’ll dont know just like we dont know what real women do. We just think we know because I can come up with a thousand things a real woman supposedly does. Its all subjective and it aint on ya its in ya..

Tazzee

October 6th, 2009
10:00 am

Relationships are very important.

I know people don’t like to say that being with a mate completes them, but I believe that being with a mate completes our image of God here on earth. Without getting too deep, I believe that God created man AND woman in his image. We each, separately, have characteristics of God in us and when we come together in harmony we exemplify Him.

He made us so that we actually fit together perfectly physically and what’s shown in the physical also manifests itself in the spiritual. So a physical fit must be accompanied by a spiritual fit for us to work.

DANG! I’ve got a meeting… topic will probably be changed when I get back.

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
10:04 am

Maybe we can talk it over
And save our hopes and dreams
Though the waves seem endless
Somehow we’ll cross this angry sea
With love all things are possible
If we just believe
I need to know, yes it’s okay
Can I hurdle this storm,
yes but only Together
With love in our hearts,
the only way
Somehow, things will work out
just you wait and see

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 6th, 2009
10:06 am

I’ve had a man tell me that he wanted to take care of me and that he cared about my happiness. THAT left me speechless.

SexyC – YES! Further, he has not given up on me even though I’ve been unsure about what I want.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:07 am

Tazzee – excellent post..

The Yin and Yang = perfect harmony and peace.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
10:10 am

I was trying to hold off a bit from talking about that physical “umph” that men add to a relationship, but since you all insist…

The warm fuzzies ignited by a specimen that so firm, edgy, masculine…

That man aroma…

I heart the simplest things that happen in the middle of the night, like when you wake up at 2:49am for no obvious reason and that special someone lying next to you awakes sensing your restlessness, grabs you and pulls you close and proceeds to gently places kisses on your shoulder…

Rell - da rake

October 6th, 2009
10:12 am

I believe that God created man AND woman in his image. We each, separately, have characteristics of God in us and when we come together in harmony we exemplify Him.

He made us so that we actually fit together perfectly physically and what’s shown in the physical also manifests itself in the spiritual. So a physical fit must be accompanied by a spiritual fit for us to work.

YEP!!

Dream_n

October 6th, 2009
10:14 am

Great Topic WD …. Morning To all :)

I understand and value relationships. Whether it be with a mate, a sister, a mom, god, a friend, or just co-workers.

It’s so important to have healthy relationships with the people around you. It not only makes you a better person, but it can also bring out the best in other people.

In relation to a man… I love strenth. I admire a man that can take care of his business in the home and outside of the home. A man that can hit the gym, play b-ball with the boys, but still comes home and turn into mush when he sees his “girls”.

I also aprreciate a man’s relationship with his mother, it’s something about the bond between a mother and son that sends chills through me…(respect).

We all have to have relationships in our life.. let me rephrase that we all have to have healthy relationships in our lives. Its the nature of the world. Haven’t you realise that if you’re negative about everything, either you attract negative people, or you find yourself wallowing in a puddle of negativity by yourself?

I haven’t dated that much in my life.. hell i’ve been in a relationship for 5 yrs…but this relationship has been through its good, bad, and ugly. I’ve seen every side of it.. I’ve learned to appreciate the good so much more and whatever path I’m going to be led in… I wouldn’t change the past experiences negative or positive for anything.. :)

Melodramatizulu

October 6th, 2009
10:18 am

What do you value the most about men? What do you appreciate about what they bring to the table?

The problem with this blog,based on my gleanings on what uall wrote so far(maybe except Raqi/Tazzee) is that uall very Cindirella..talk in generalities and utopian lingo with no substance to ur delivery.
A relationship is real work,u didvide responsibilities and duties and u solve problems etc.U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues.Expolain how u apreciate the woman or man in ur relationship at that point!!

Get real and talk substance..not like school girls/boys/

Uall think relationships is going to the Jay zz concert and going to a candle light dinner..blah blah blah…??

don’t know why more women don’t just appreciate the man what he has to offer rather than trying to be The Man now ur talking Raqi!!

Now talk about that!

I be back…. :lol:

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
10:24 am

Well, thank you, Melo for taking yet ANOTHER opportunity to criticize but add nothing of real value to the conversation.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:27 am

Raqi – I can agree with you 9:27 post..

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
10:28 am

Besides, if we don’t get the fluffy part of love, guess what – it’s not love, it’s just a business transaction at that point.

ALL OF IT IS LOVE, Melo. And we want ALL of it without settling.

So, no, I’m not focused on his Issey Miyake when we’ve got a hole in the roof. But that night, after the contractors are gone and we’ve discussed the three quotes that we received and we have made the decision about the best way to pay for the work to be done, I want him to light a candle, run his fingers through my hair, look into my eyes, whisper my name and to smell good doing it.

How’s that for real talk?

czBrat

October 6th, 2009
10:28 am

GM!

What do I love and admire in a man? That he can be so strong (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and make it look so easy :)

Wings and Roots

October 6th, 2009
10:29 am

Melo – All relationships take work …..Love is a Battlefield……no doubt…been through it…..I’ve been broken hearted but never dogged. More importantly…I’ve been loved and I have not always returned that love to the one who deserved it most. But today, I choose to simply appreciate knowing someone that cares for me in spite of myself….

Cemeeli

October 6th, 2009
10:29 am

Melodramatic This is comedy.

We know relationships take work, you’re right.….every relationship is different, & every relationship has it’s Cinderella <- (your word) moments…hopefully yours still do too?

…gon’ somewhere!

Dream_n

October 6th, 2009
10:30 am

@ Tazzee : Your 10:00 is on point… but I think may become a problem when some women NEED a man to complete them. They feel as though they can’t be alone. If their alone, they feel worthless and unwanted…. I

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:31 am

Sexy – actually he’s on to something cause thats what I saw when I tuned in.. Male sneak dissin.. Not out right F you but that underhanded low blow convo goin on.. Relationships are about ya’ll against the world.. Goin to the store to buy pads for ya girl when you know somebody you know miht see ya.. Doin the things you would never do for anyone else except that person. I gives a damn about ya perfume, its nice but I care more about our future and where we’re going. Building this foundation to sit the house called us on..

Cemeeli

October 6th, 2009
10:31 am

He did that on purpose…shoulda known…

i’m ready to play.

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
10:34 am

Cemeeli – Your response actually calmed me down. Melo gets on my damn nerves sometimes. LOL!

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
10:36 am

U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues

Melo that is true. It takes it all to have a relationship. But to address the issues such as you presently, I appreciate with when a man takes control of the situation and don’t let up until it’s done.

I appreciate a man that uses his rightfully granted authority when it is appropriate. A man that will not rest until his house is properly living conditions.

A man that listens while he sleeps and acts at the slightest sounds of distress.

You can’t help but love that man and gift physical love to that man.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:36 am

The whole point is this.. Men look at love differently than women.. We dont look at the fuzzies we look at the logic. We look at the performance and whether or not we are accomplishing the goals we set out for us.

Cemeeli

October 6th, 2009
10:38 am

SCool Don’t let Melo get your presha (pressure) up. Lol :)

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:39 am

We care more about whether youre safe and sound than anything. A man truly loves you when your well being becomes more important than his..

Professor

October 6th, 2009
10:41 am

U have no time nor do u care to smell a loved one’s cologne or perfume when u delaing with a leaking roof or a flood damage..real lyfe and relationship issues.Expolain how u apreciate the woman or man in ur relationship at that point!!

@ Melo unless you live in an outhouse or shotgun house with a 30 year old tin roof…everyday is not going to be flood damage or a leaking roof. Relationships are not always about problems and solving things, but building and taking two people and bonding them together. As a couple build and grow together they know that they are greater than a leaky roof and stronger than the busted pipes. Shoot I can remember my daddy yelling from under the house is the water off because he was getting ready to repair a leaking pipe. Yes everyone valued him being handy around the house, but he was a complex man with many talents and we valued them all from him being our superman to my guest of honor at my tea parties.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 6th, 2009
10:43 am

I understand your comments Melo, but I have learned that as the years pass, the times that shined like gold when they happened eventually become less important, while the toughest times, the times you would not wish on your worst enemy, become the most important memories. The times you spent getting thru the dark become the memories you value most because they prove to you just how strong you can be.

Raqi

October 6th, 2009
10:43 am

SexyCool you know Melo. He is a “married” man on the prowl that seeks to discredit the thoughts of single women. You know that. Give him another hour and he will be talking out of line to one of you with his own interpretation of something you mentioned about your body or part of it.

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 6th, 2009
10:47 am

Raqi – Ouch!!!

Dream_n

October 6th, 2009
10:49 am

A man truly loves you when your well being becomes more important than his..

I think you’re on to something today DK……

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 6th, 2009
10:49 am

LOL @ Raqi The printed word is a powerful weapon ;-)

SexyCool will be...

October 6th, 2009
10:49 am

DK – To your 1039a, I JUST had this conversation with someone, I asked him how would he know that he was in love. His response, “When I’m willing to place her happiness before mine.”

Sighs.