Fake it till you make it
I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?
By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?
Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?
I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.
What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?
How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?
What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?
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312 comments Add your comment
Wings (I Fly Above) RIP AJ
October 5th, 2009
8:31 am
Good Monday Morning Angels!
Simple motto……..Keep it real! If you have to wonder or guess about the authenticity of love…then it ain’t love.
By all means…meet the family so that you know what your getting your self into (somebody in the family is going let you in on the real deal) lol
Wings had to learn to fly solo….there was a season in my life where I just had to have someone there…that thank god has changed.
I don’t stick around because someone has good stats,if I not feeling them….I keep it moving!
Have A Great Day!
Lioness – Hey sis!
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
8:56 am
Good Morning,
In a way I think we all fake it – to some extent. Are we ever really 100% sure that we want to further a relationship with someone at any given point in time? It’s arguable…which is quite possibly the reason I move so slow. The relationship failures from the past I can’t help but chalk it up to rushing, which is why now I put things in perspective before I make the commitment. I’d rather get to know you as much as possible and make my decision than just say “hey let’s be together” while im working it out in my head. It’s a waste of time (for both), but at the same time if you’re not sure what you are looking for then no matter if you make that commitment in a day or a year, you’re gonna end up being unsure of the relationship regardless. I take my time therefore when I decide to “go for it”, then I’m completely responsible for my decision and completely removes the whole “i didn’t know what i was getting myself into” cliche’ backout. Although, I’m sure everyone has points in a relationship where one falters and the other is left wondering if it’s all really worth it TRUE, but the relationship shouldn’t start out questionable or else it’ll make it even that much harder to solidify some faith that one made the right decision in making a commitment to that person than if they started out the relationship assured. Confidence is key and putting yourself in check beforehand and asking “is this what i truely want?” and answering “yes” is a confidence-builder for any relationship IMHO. Now, also people need to realize that answering yes isn’t saying you wanna marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them, but that you’re sure that you have a good feeling about this person and you’ll most likely invest the time and energy to help make it work.
“Fireproof doesn’t mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.”
also, I’d like to say to Sharon…men may fake relationships, but women fake O’s AND relationships as well
M'
October 5th, 2009
9:04 am
I have come to value the wonder of my life so very much and to also value the precarious limits of undefined time that I have available to me to live it…so faking anything about a relationship is not an option…it is just a waste…and waste belongs in the trash…and I ain’t a trash receptacle…hehehe
Wings (I Fly Above)
October 5th, 2009
9:07 am
GGGG – spoken like a man who leads with his head and not his heart….I’m not judging, I’m just saying.
BTW – Your last statement was a gross generalization.
mqew
October 5th, 2009
9:15 am
Fake it till you make it? With/In a relationship? WTH! Uuuummmm who has time in this life to do that? Can I offer another overused cliche, LIFE’S TOO SHORT!!!
M’K – I think that’s you, I luv this—-> also value the precarious limits of undefined time that I have available to me to live it…so faking anything about a relationship is not an option…it is just a waste…and waste belongs in the trash…and I ain’t a trash receptacle…
Professor
October 5th, 2009
9:21 am
I am not really into the whole fake it thing. In fact I know what I like, I know what I want and I know what works for me. Faking it can be applied to a variety of things from work to friendships so there is nothing new to that concept.
How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap?
Although I hate talking on the phone I try to put in a few phone calls, and a couple of in person meetings. Since I am an active listener I am pretty quick on making a decision or asking some questions that allows the other person to know where I am going. I guess I do not have a timeline, but it is pretty quick.
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
9:25 am
Wings – gotta be. to each his own, but me personally my head has to have some level of assurance that ive gotten to know the person as best i can and that i can be with this person realistically. my heart will take it from there….just can’t let the heart lead tho, which is like i said probably my tendency to rush when the heart jumps out in front of the head lol believe me, i avoid more stalkers/crazies/drama queens this way
Professor
October 5th, 2009
9:30 am
GGGG I agree it is best to let the head lead. I have seen a lot of people get caught up and taken because the heart was leading. The head brings logic and the ability to process info clearly.
GA Girl
October 5th, 2009
9:33 am
Fake it to you make it. Hmmmmmm. Better make sure that the other party is not doing the same. Just ask the lady who thought she was married to a doctor and found out he was faking it!
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
9:37 am
Professor – Yea and ive been a casualty of that before and it took my closest friends to put me in check. While I admit, it may be fun to let the heart lead, but it’s definitely ill advised in my case lol
Wings (I Fly Above)
October 5th, 2009
9:37 am
Professor and GGGG – I find that there has to be a balance….sometimes the head is full of the past mistakes, but I agree that it can bring logic.
GGGG – Safe to say if they are faking O’s they probably are not sticking around for more! LOL
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
9:40 am
Wings – Touche! lol but then again ya never know! i mean i never heard of guys faking O’s up until a while ago lol i was like wth?
M'
October 5th, 2009
9:40 am
@mqew
Give thanks for the appreciation…it just seems to me that at some point in our existence, we should have acquired the experiential wisdom to know when enough is enough…the games we have played, the ones others have played on us…to be able to determine the innate worth of what we deserve…and faking any “relationship” is just another game…please, get me a Scrabble board so I can really whup some arse and not have to “fake it”…hehehe…we end up where we started…uh-huh.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
9:49 am
Three Words Daily – I won’t complain.
I’ve Had Some Good Days. I’ve Had Some Hills To Climb.
I’ve Had Some Weary Days and Some Sleepless Nights.
But When I Look Around and I Think Things Over,
All Of My Good Days outweigh My Bad Days.
I Won’t Complain.
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
9:49 am
example….Derwin faking a “thats wassup” on The Game lmao!
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
9:53 am
Wise – You’re in my head right now with this topic. Get ta’ steppin’. ~lmao~
I don’t really think of it as faking but instead confirming that my impressions and instincts were right or maybe even hoping to have them proved wrong. I have also been guilty of hanging around in the hopes that I would see that ’something’ that would take my interest to the next level. I have wanted to take the time to look a little deeper rather than make a decision based on something that could have been considered rather shallow.
FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.
czBrat
October 5th, 2009
10:00 am
Morning All,
I think with age and experience comes the realization that you cannot fall head over heels based on an initial attraction. GGGG is right. You do have to be cautious and think things through, all the while maintaining the relationship to see where it may go. This does require some degree of faking it, but not in an outright deceitful way. You don’t have to tell the other person you’re madly in love with them if you’re not. Just let them know you’re enjoying the process…. slowly.
Professor
October 5th, 2009
10:02 am
@Wings for me the balance is this…my heart will feel the chemistry and the fireworks, but I know fireworks have a short life span. So it is essential that my head lead because I need the logic and realism to be on point.
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
10:04 am
SexyCool – “FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.”
So True…So so so so true
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
10:04 am
FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.
@ SexyCool – PREACH!!!!
czBrat
October 5th, 2009
10:11 am
SexyCool – “FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.”
You’re on the money with that statement. However, once there is chemistry do you find that you may have to fake your level of interest if the other party is moving forward a little too fast for you?
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
10:13 am
Morning All
FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.
SCool – This has always really been my mantra, though I’ve been criticized for it. I have NEVER been good at faking it! I am extremely transparent in that respect. Not fair to me or the other person. And I can tell if a dude is just going thru the motions with me too, and I say BE GONE! I’ve said on this blog countless times I cannot stand the phrase “Just give him/her a chance”! I’ve never been the type to rush anything, so when I decide I’m just not that into someone, believe me, it’s had it’s CHANCE and run the course. It just ain’t there!
Wings (I Fly Above)
October 5th, 2009
10:14 am
Professor – I learned to trust my gut…which is the marriage between my head and my heart!
Sexy Cool- I love that song ( I won’t complain)…my sister sings it to me on demand! lol
Gotta go….I leave you with this…enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0KBl-I-15w
Tazzee
October 5th, 2009
10:19 am
Morning Folks!
No more faking for me. I’ve done that in the past and the results weren’t positive. So I learned to just let the guy know where I was coming from and if he had a problem with it, he could always find someone else.
Good Guy – I appreciate your first post. I’ve been in relationships where the guy rushed to the ‘let’s stay together’ part and then later changed his mind. It’s irritating because in each case, I was trying to take it slow and then as soon as I give in, the guy would start to REALLY think about it.
Ms. Main
October 5th, 2009
10:24 am
Without sounding too brash, I don’t even know how. Why? How? It’s such a waste of my time….and yours. I’m trying to understand what comes of going through the motions of something thats’ NOT there? I mean azz being the incentive, that’s a given…faking til to take (make) it. Otherwise and outside of real grown folks, who does that?
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
10:26 am
Tazzee – Thank you & yea i think that’s the whole reason i stopped rushing, bc i would make a commitment i wasn’t sure of and end up hurting someone….not cool man not cool lol
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
10:27 am
czBrat – If the other party is moving too fast for me, I tend to question the motives for that movement. And make certain that I am attempting to communicate with my person about my concerns.
If those concerns aren’t addressed, then I will pull up because I am going to allow any one to put me in a situation that could be uncomfortable because of their issues and desires.
Good Guy Getting Greater
October 5th, 2009
10:35 am
Ms. Main – ” I’m trying to understand what comes of going through the motions of something thats’ NOT there?”
I think it’s relative. There are people out there who have “gone thru the motions” and somewhere along the line a spark happened and a chemistry unraveled. It’s arguable the chemistry was always there and the two were unaware, then again sum people believe you can really “muster up” some chemistry between people. I’m not a believer of “building towards chemistry” nor do I practice it, but it happens….just not with me lol
czBrat
October 5th, 2009
10:37 am
@SexeC … Exactly! Then you end up with a situation like Tazzee pointed out. It’s that delicate balance between keeping things together long enough to iron out the kinks (if possible) without misrepresenting your intentions.
off topic … how was the book discussion? i couldn’t get to terri vaughn’s fb page for the info.
Dream_n
October 5th, 2009
10:44 am
Good Morning All
Fake it till you make it…lmao!!
I’m going to go with “NO” for $200 Alex! Been there done that bought the book and was very disappointed..
If there is no chemistry then there is no chemistry, this isn’t something you can by at a store and magically sprinkle on that person….
I have LEARNED to not waste time as someone said before “life is too short” to be with someone you know is not right for you… You’ll turn around and wonder where those years went….
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
10:49 am
You’ll turn around and wonder where those years went….
Dream_n – I can’t preach this enough. I learned the hard way!
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
10:49 am
czBrat – This was an AWESOME event. I was moved by the RAW emotion shown by Terri Vaughn and Jacquitta Williams as they shared their personal stories of love lessons learned and their thoughts on Steve Harvey’s book. (They actually didn’t talk a lot about the book. There were certain parts of it mentioned but it was not the center of the discussion.)
From the opening by the soulful vocalist and talented guitarist to Navaina Rhodes closing thoughts and sharing of stories of women from the Bible, this was a well done event set in the beautifully appointed basement of Our Place Cafe.
I was reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
10:50 am
Faking it till you make it? I don’t know. I have nothing right now.
bored
October 5th, 2009
10:53 am
“I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates.”
THANK YOU??????????????? In Atlanta a healthy man with a job thinks he’s God’s gift to the female race and that we’re all so outnumbered in this town that we should be HONORED that he’s interested. That is so typical here.
Tazzee
October 5th, 2009
10:53 am
I will give chemistry time to develop, but I won’t fake it during that time.
Professor
October 5th, 2009
10:53 am
The faking it is not me at all. I am not one to bob my head like it is all good while on the inside I have concerns. I will say this I hate it when the chemistry is there, but you can see potential red flags as if the chemistry and the head/facts are not aligned. Now I really hate when that happens…close but no cigar.
Dan
October 5th, 2009
10:56 am
I don’t get the topic either.
Why would someone do this to themselves or someone else?
Professor
October 5th, 2009
10:59 am
@bored I have seen a few fellas like you describe “Atlanta a healthy man with a job thinks he’s God’s gift to the female race and that we’re all so outnumbered in this town that we should be HONORED that he’s interested.”
I was discussing something similar this weekend and I had someone tell me that American women and especially women of color are viewed as being easy and ready for marriage, so when he meets a woman that is taking it slow that goes against the norm.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:00 am
Actually, one of the things that Jaquitta talked about on Saturday was dating someone who she looked good with on paper and who she looked good WITH.
She says that she made more of an effort to invest in the relationship because all of the pieces were there, THEIR’S just didn’t fit together.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:02 am
(hit enter too quickly)
She says that she finally had to give herself permission to let it go because although he was not The One, she was trying to convince herself that he was.
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:03 am
I think it could all be just a play on words. When you meet someone that is interesting to you, there is time a span there when you get to know that person to see if they are someone you like or can like. You stick around long enough to feel the person out. That could be faking it until you make it. While those words seem quite deceitful we all do it. Just under the umbrella “getting to know you”. Most of us do not entertain a relationship with someone until we are well into the getting to know you stage. Somewhere within that time frame we find that the person is not as interesting as we initially thought or find that they could be the one for you.
Then there is the whole fake it until
you make itsomeone better comes along. But we all know that is very common and a whole other Oprah.Dan
October 5th, 2009
11:03 am
@bored
Realistically (see the census – removing the prison population) and anecdotally (see any beauty shop in the ATL, esp. with Black female customers), the “numbers” are true.
So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit?
I mean, not to change the topic or anything….jusasking
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:04 am
czBrat are you former lurker or a name change?
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:10 am
Dudes always think they’re owed kudos of ish they are SUPPOSED to be doing.
I’m not impressed with the basics.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:12 am
Correction – SOME dudes…
Dan
October 5th, 2009
11:17 am
@SC
Some dudes do – granted.
Then there are those that overcome and exceed “the basics”, do they get cookies?
Rell - da rake
October 5th, 2009
11:19 am
@BORED..or ladies..when men rush..is because you TALK TO MUCH..you overshare on your last relationship and all that you PUT UP WITH…your lack of sex since then or your overall boring life..so “most” sense the kill and try to fill in the gaps…whats funny is that most women want to be seduced..maybe the styles are different
so this weekend i had a date with a younger female that i meet…so on the way over there i said – rell why not try to get back to how you were before…so i decided to stop and get her one long stem rose…so when i meet up with her and present the rose – IT WAS OVER her whole face changed from man i hope this guy is straight to – hey there might be more here..just my live report
Dan
October 5th, 2009
11:19 am
Oh, and some women do too.
But let’s not equivocate or re-litigate that issue
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:22 am
If you think you deserve a cookie, buy yourself one.
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:24 am
SexyCool that’s probably because there are so many dudes that are not coming up. And they know this amongst each other not to mention the complaints from us women. I would imagine to be one of the ones that is not trying to find ways and excuses around the “basics” makes a lot guys feel like the exception these days instead of what’s normal and expected. They just want affirmation for doing the right thing I guess.
FYI I really don’t know what you were referring to but I just wanted to comment on your 11:10 with why I think it is.
Rell - da rake
October 5th, 2009
11:25 am
Everything de¬
pends on the target of your seduc¬
tion. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose
only those who will prove susceptible to your
charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill
a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often
isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of re¬
cent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so—for the
completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce.
The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts
you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will
help make your seductive maneuvers seem more
natural and dynamic. The perfect victim
allows for the perfect chase.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
11:25 am
Raqi – I was answering Dan’s 1103a.
Rell - da rake
October 5th, 2009
11:28 am
some men seek validation thru there accomplishments…..just like some women want to be championed for being independent….so thats why…knowing that..just give a pat on the back for a job well done and move on to something else…i mean why do we find it so hard to over a slight praise for ones percieved struggles in life….just do it folks it free..its costs you nothing and it goes along way to making someone feel good about themselves.
Dream_n
October 5th, 2009
11:35 am
If you think you deserve a cookie, buy yourself one.
Couldn’t have said it better… i’ve always said that.. i am not going to pat you on the back… give a standin ovation… or throw you a party if you are doing what your are supposed to be doing as a “MAN”…. nice car, nice house, a degree, good manners, thoughtfulness, has a good head on his shoulders, knows how to talk to a woman,knows how to romance a woman… all those attributes do not equate to me bending over backwards for you.. While I may be rather impressed that does not call fro some sort of celebration… IMO
but kudos to the guys that are doing the thing
Rell - da rake
October 5th, 2009
11:40 am
,knows how to romance a woman…
ladies what would you say to me if i sent you this text
i had a bad day at work on my way home?
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
11:42 am
Dan
Yeah, they can have a RIGHT to be a little conceited cause they think they all that. And we have a right to call BS on that conceit too, and REJECT that mess! These are the very ones that will be out there whining, saying they can’t find a good woman!
Like aggwit said last week – stop whining and start being! The dudes that are really ABOUT IT are out there doing it, getting it and don’t have to ASK for cookies!
Child’s play, Dan.
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:42 am
Oh. LOL
Doing the right thing does not grant a pass for anyone to be conceited by any means. That changes my feelings right there. While doing the right thing among a nation of slackers may afford you an attaboy from the one who appreciates you, it does not give you a right to be beside yourself.
Modesty is one of life’s greatest character traits.
Dan
October 5th, 2009
11:47 am
@Kimmie
Let me be clear, I’m not referring to myself, my conceit is genetic.
And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?
Is there a happy medium?
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:50 am
Rell I think we don’t show enough appreciation to each other as for interacting men and women in today’s society. We are a selfish generation and it gets worst at the years turn.
I am one that thinks the conceitedness of a man and/or the independent stances of women are just taking it too far, but I do think that we should show appreciation for those in our lives that are doing the thing. I believe in being grown up and responsible. I don’t need to state my independence in doing what life calls for. But we need to stop taking each other for granted in our doings.
If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.
Dream_n
October 5th, 2009
11:50 am
@ kimmie
Child’s play, Dan
Very true
So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit?
There’s a difference between being conceited and proud of your accomplishments.. and the conceited route will get you no where ….
czBrat
October 5th, 2009
11:52 am
@Dan sure there is. i think we’re allowed to express admiration, appreciation and support for those who are holding it down and doin all the right things (as well as those who are truly trying) without feeling like we’re feeding a monster ego or catering to conceit.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
11:57 am
And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?
I don’t know Dan, why is that, in your world anyway? You come on saying these “arrogant” dudes have a right to be conceited, so YOU yourself are admitting those dudes exist! And yes, there are some women that do bemoan the lack of good brothers. There are dudes that say there are no good sisters too.
A happy medium does exist – There are women that HAVE good brothers(that are not conceited) or date guys of other races.
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
11:58 am
If you can never offer a compliment then STFU complaining.
Dan
October 5th, 2009
12:04 pm
@Kimmie
I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.
I don’t condone anyone else’s actions in that regard, and of course I concede that they exist.
But the happy medium was the take-away there.
As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that. If anything, it’s the males that are more optimistic about finding a compatible mate.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
12:06 pm
If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.
Raqi – We don’t know what goes on in other people’s house or other people’s relationships. Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?
How did the birthday dinner go?
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
12:09 pm
As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that.
They’ve said it right here, Dan. Plenty have said there is much quantity, but the quality is missing.
I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.
That’s not how your original post read Dan, but okay.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
12:13 pm
Actually, Dan – the initial phrasing of your question implied exactly that.
Ms. Main
October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm
GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.
Ms. Main
October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm
GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.
AmazonRed™ - Go Cal! Beat USC!
October 5th, 2009
12:26 pm
Enter your comments here
AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion
October 5th, 2009
12:29 pm
Afternoon lovelies –
I can kinda understand this topic. My head rules my heart and I move rather slow while I try to assess what’s what and a guy’s intentions. I don’t know if it’s me “faking” it, as the chemistry does have to be there. But I need more than chemistry to want to proceed with a guy. And I might not be feeling every aspect of him, but will go out with him to know more, even if it’s just to confirm my inital instincts.
But yeah, the moment I know it’s not going to go anywhere, I cut bait.
AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion
October 5th, 2009
12:38 pm
I watched some old episodes of Sex and the City yesterday.
The whole Carrie/Aidan relationship reminded me of this topic. You’re with a great guy who loves you and treats you well, but your heart is with someone else. But you can’t have that other person because his married or otherwise unavailable.
You can’t sit around pining for the unavailable person forever. You should move on. But sometimes when you move on you realize then that your heart isn’t in it.
Before my dad came along, my mom was engaged to a man who had everything going for him, looked great on paper and loved her madly. She eventually realize she didn’t feel the same and broke off the engagement. I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
12:39 pm
Let’s be honest…most of these dudes wearing the badge of “conceit” don’t have ish to be conceited about. I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.
aggwitty
October 5th, 2009
12:42 pm
so says “Deeva4Life”! Irony much?
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
12:47 pm
Aggwitty I mean, that’s my opinion…and like I said those that feel that strong about themselves can continue to do so, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be that way.
lurker
October 5th, 2009
12:57 pm
@Rell, why so personal? Who pissed in your coffee? Maybe if you had more going for you, you would not have time to analyze someone you could not identify in a police line up. I hope your simple, stupid azz get a grip or at least some Prozac and a glass of water to wash it all down. Take your own advice because if you had chosen the right woman you would not be so bitter, broken and bruised.
WHOA! LOL.
Professor
October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm
*****I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.*****
I can see that happening particularly when the two of you look good on paper and the relationship is flowing…sort of like you are caught up or something. I guess one day you have an epiphany.
aggwitty
October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm
I get what you saying. still ironic, in that some might say you are conceited for having that username.
aggwitty
October 5th, 2009
1:00 pm
OUch @ that shot at Rell. Sheesh
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
1:02 pm
Aggwitty this is a blog…we all created our blog names…it doesn’t have anything to do with me personally. It was a creative moment if you will…LOL But if one chose to think that way, that’s their prerogative…
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
1:03 pm
Agg – So are you calling Wise conceited?
aggwitty
October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm
Anyone who has a self aggrandizing name is somewhat conceited…me included.
Poppa Grande
October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm
Deeva
I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.
That is pretty strong statement to make. It really is ironic. Pretty much everyone on this board feels pretty strong about ourselves or we’d be lurkers.
After all, read the screen names…Poppa Grande, Agg Witty, Deeva4Life, Ms. Main, SexyCool, Amazon Red. No seems to have a really reserved screen name or than Dan, Rell, Kimmie (All of these seem to parts or variations of their real names).
Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). Why not something less?
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
1:12 pm
Poppa – a positive and strong sense of self is needed. We SHOULD think positive of ourselves, but to be conceited is a whole different ball game. I didn’t put a whole lot of thought behind my screen name…it’s a blog. My choice has nothing to do with me personally. I can’t speak for the others. Deeva4Life was my choice…simple. It had nothing to do with conceit. But as in all things, you, Aggwitty and anybody else here is entitled to your opinions or thoughts, but to project that on me…well I’m not signing up for that class…LOL
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
October 5th, 2009
1:13 pm
You guys are going off on a wicked tangent……
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
October 5th, 2009
1:14 pm
Poppa – I think it’s a difference between conceit versus just having a healthy love of self or healthy self-esteem.
My screen name was chosen just out of laziness – I didn’t feel like trying to come up with anything cute or profound. One of my good friends calls me Kimmie and I was talking to her at the time, so I ran with it.
It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!
Dream_n
October 5th, 2009
1:15 pm
I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.
I totally agree with your statement. (Deeva)
Secondly are we really going in on someone about their username…. Its a name lol…..
Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). (funny)!
lurker
October 5th, 2009
1:16 pm
Yucky on the stray cats frying in all that grease with a pepper on the side…
WTH! LOL.
AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion
October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm
There’s some hot fiyah up in here. Dayum at that 12:57.
SexyCool was...
October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm
I chose CrazySexyCool…because, well, I am…
aaaannnndddd – I happened to have been listening to that album way back when I started blogging.
LMAO!!!
Deeva4Life
October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm
It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!
@ Kimmie – AMEN!!!
aggwitty
October 5th, 2009
1:18 pm
<—opposite over adjacent lile a muhhhh fugga
Dan
October 5th, 2009
1:20 pm
And therein lies the rub.
My conceit is my own – it warrants no validation, no approval, no confirmation.
I do not seek for anyone to “give me props” (or a cookie, etc.), I do that on my own. Deserve has nothing to do with it.
lurker
October 5th, 2009
1:22 pm
Little Wise Diva goes home from school and tells her mom that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s so good at them…..
Mom says: ” YOU should say NO – they only want to look at your undies”
Wise Diva said: “I know they do … that’s why I hide them in my backpack”!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Melodramatizulu
October 5th, 2009
1:23 pm
I think aggwitty has a strong point coz if u thoght about the name and then went ahead and made it ur official name on the blog,u were smewhat potraying that, about urslef.
So why try to hide that now??,….so just u can be politically correct??
Thats why this topic didnt even have much discussion either.
Everybody appears to be doing the right thing??
Ha??
So why all the problems in getting booed up??
Tazzee
October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm
lurker – why are you re-posting and commenting on stuff from last week?
Dan
October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm
Oooohhhh,
Melo with the 3!!!!!
Raqi
October 5th, 2009
1:25 pm
Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?
kimmie some, but it is more to the point of just venting about how their SO complains a lot. And then some situations where some are actually doing the complaining.
This one guy here at work was telling us how he painted the entire interior of the house after his wife stated it needed to be done. Instead of her thanking him she found fault. Pointing the tiniest of areas missed and by mistake getting some paint on the carpet and stuff like that.
I’m like this, you should at least have something good or nice to say about your SO sometimes. At least once a month. At least.
How did the birthday dinner go?
It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.
lurker
October 5th, 2009
1:26 pm
@ARed, now you know w/you responding negatively or positively, he’s taking it you at least thought about it. The twisted minds of human beings! That’s funny!
Leggs – huh?
SHE SAID YOU TWISTED! LOL.
AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion
October 5th, 2009
1:27 pm
It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.
Fabulous!