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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Wings (I Fly Above) RIP AJ

October 5th, 2009
8:31 am

Good Monday Morning Angels!

Simple motto……..Keep it real! If you have to wonder or guess about the authenticity of love…then it ain’t love.

By all means…meet the family so that you know what your getting your self into (somebody in the family is going let you in on the real deal) lol

Wings had to learn to fly solo….there was a season in my life where I just had to have someone there…that thank god has changed.

I don’t stick around because someone has good stats,if I not feeling them….I keep it moving!

Have A Great Day! :)

Lioness – Hey sis!

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
8:56 am

Good Morning,

In a way I think we all fake it – to some extent. Are we ever really 100% sure that we want to further a relationship with someone at any given point in time? It’s arguable…which is quite possibly the reason I move so slow. The relationship failures from the past I can’t help but chalk it up to rushing, which is why now I put things in perspective before I make the commitment. I’d rather get to know you as much as possible and make my decision than just say “hey let’s be together” while im working it out in my head. It’s a waste of time (for both), but at the same time if you’re not sure what you are looking for then no matter if you make that commitment in a day or a year, you’re gonna end up being unsure of the relationship regardless. I take my time therefore when I decide to “go for it”, then I’m completely responsible for my decision and completely removes the whole “i didn’t know what i was getting myself into” cliche’ backout. Although, I’m sure everyone has points in a relationship where one falters and the other is left wondering if it’s all really worth it TRUE, but the relationship shouldn’t start out questionable or else it’ll make it even that much harder to solidify some faith that one made the right decision in making a commitment to that person than if they started out the relationship assured. Confidence is key and putting yourself in check beforehand and asking “is this what i truely want?” and answering “yes” is a confidence-builder for any relationship IMHO. Now, also people need to realize that answering yes isn’t saying you wanna marry that person and spend the rest of your life with them, but that you’re sure that you have a good feeling about this person and you’ll most likely invest the time and energy to help make it work.

“Fireproof doesn’t mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.”

also, I’d like to say to Sharon…men may fake relationships, but women fake O’s AND relationships as well :D

M'

October 5th, 2009
9:04 am

I have come to value the wonder of my life so very much and to also value the precarious limits of undefined time that I have available to me to live it…so faking anything about a relationship is not an option…it is just a waste…and waste belongs in the trash…and I ain’t a trash receptacle…hehehe

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
9:07 am

GGGG – spoken like a man who leads with his head and not his heart….I’m not judging, I’m just saying.

BTW – Your last statement was a gross generalization.

mqew

October 5th, 2009
9:15 am

Fake it till you make it? With/In a relationship? WTH! Uuuummmm who has time in this life to do that? Can I offer another overused cliche, LIFE’S TOO SHORT!!!

M’K – I think that’s you, I luv this—-> also value the precarious limits of undefined time that I have available to me to live it…so faking anything about a relationship is not an option…it is just a waste…and waste belongs in the trash…and I ain’t a trash receptacle…

Professor

October 5th, 2009
9:21 am

I am not really into the whole fake it thing. In fact I know what I like, I know what I want and I know what works for me. Faking it can be applied to a variety of things from work to friendships so there is nothing new to that concept.

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap?

Although I hate talking on the phone I try to put in a few phone calls, and a couple of in person meetings. Since I am an active listener I am pretty quick on making a decision or asking some questions that allows the other person to know where I am going. I guess I do not have a timeline, but it is pretty quick.

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
9:25 am

Wings – gotta be. to each his own, but me personally my head has to have some level of assurance that ive gotten to know the person as best i can and that i can be with this person realistically. my heart will take it from there….just can’t let the heart lead tho, which is like i said probably my tendency to rush when the heart jumps out in front of the head lol believe me, i avoid more stalkers/crazies/drama queens this way :)

Professor

October 5th, 2009
9:30 am

GGGG I agree it is best to let the head lead. I have seen a lot of people get caught up and taken because the heart was leading. The head brings logic and the ability to process info clearly.

GA Girl

October 5th, 2009
9:33 am

Fake it to you make it. Hmmmmmm. Better make sure that the other party is not doing the same. Just ask the lady who thought she was married to a doctor and found out he was faking it!

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
9:37 am

Professor – Yea and ive been a casualty of that before and it took my closest friends to put me in check. While I admit, it may be fun to let the heart lead, but it’s definitely ill advised in my case lol

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
9:37 am

Professor and GGGG – I find that there has to be a balance….sometimes the head is full of the past mistakes, but I agree that it can bring logic.

GGGG – Safe to say if they are faking O’s they probably are not sticking around for more! LOL :)

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
9:40 am

Wings – Touche! lol but then again ya never know! i mean i never heard of guys faking O’s up until a while ago lol i was like wth?

M'

October 5th, 2009
9:40 am

@mqew

Give thanks for the appreciation…it just seems to me that at some point in our existence, we should have acquired the experiential wisdom to know when enough is enough…the games we have played, the ones others have played on us…to be able to determine the innate worth of what we deserve…and faking any “relationship” is just another game…please, get me a Scrabble board so I can really whup some arse and not have to “fake it”…hehehe…we end up where we started…uh-huh.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
9:49 am

Three Words Daily – I won’t complain.

I’ve Had Some Good Days. I’ve Had Some Hills To Climb.
I’ve Had Some Weary Days and Some Sleepless Nights.
But When I Look Around and I Think Things Over,
All Of My Good Days outweigh My Bad Days.
I Won’t Complain.

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
9:49 am

example….Derwin faking a “thats wassup” on The Game lmao!

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
9:53 am

Wise – You’re in my head right now with this topic. Get ta’ steppin’. ~lmao~

I don’t really think of it as faking but instead confirming that my impressions and instincts were right or maybe even hoping to have them proved wrong. I have also been guilty of hanging around in the hopes that I would see that ’something’ that would take my interest to the next level. I have wanted to take the time to look a little deeper rather than make a decision based on something that could have been considered rather shallow.

FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
10:00 am

Morning All,

I think with age and experience comes the realization that you cannot fall head over heels based on an initial attraction. GGGG is right. You do have to be cautious and think things through, all the while maintaining the relationship to see where it may go. This does require some degree of faking it, but not in an outright deceitful way. You don’t have to tell the other person you’re madly in love with them if you’re not. Just let them know you’re enjoying the process…. slowly.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
10:02 am

@Wings for me the balance is this…my heart will feel the chemistry and the fireworks, but I know fireworks have a short life span. So it is essential that my head lead because I need the logic and realism to be on point.

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
10:04 am

SexyCool – “FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.”

So True…So so so so true

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
10:04 am

FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.

@ SexyCool – PREACH!!!!

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
10:11 am

SexyCool – “FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.”

You’re on the money with that statement. However, once there is chemistry do you find that you may have to fake your level of interest if the other party is moving forward a little too fast for you?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
10:13 am

Morning All

FOR ME, I am at a point in my life where chemistry does not develop. Either it’s there or it’s not.

SCool – This has always really been my mantra, though I’ve been criticized for it. I have NEVER been good at faking it! I am extremely transparent in that respect. Not fair to me or the other person. And I can tell if a dude is just going thru the motions with me too, and I say BE GONE! I’ve said on this blog countless times I cannot stand the phrase “Just give him/her a chance”! I’ve never been the type to rush anything, so when I decide I’m just not that into someone, believe me, it’s had it’s CHANCE and run the course. It just ain’t there!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
10:14 am

Professor – I learned to trust my gut…which is the marriage between my head and my heart!

Sexy Cool- I love that song ( I won’t complain)…my sister sings it to me on demand! lol

Gotta go….I leave you with this…enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0KBl-I-15w

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
10:19 am

Morning Folks!

No more faking for me. I’ve done that in the past and the results weren’t positive. So I learned to just let the guy know where I was coming from and if he had a problem with it, he could always find someone else.

Good Guy – I appreciate your first post. I’ve been in relationships where the guy rushed to the ‘let’s stay together’ part and then later changed his mind. It’s irritating because in each case, I was trying to take it slow and then as soon as I give in, the guy would start to REALLY think about it.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
10:24 am

Without sounding too brash, I don’t even know how. Why? How? It’s such a waste of my time….and yours. I’m trying to understand what comes of going through the motions of something thats’ NOT there? I mean azz being the incentive, that’s a given…faking til to take (make) it. Otherwise and outside of real grown folks, who does that?

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
10:26 am

Tazzee – Thank you & yea i think that’s the whole reason i stopped rushing, bc i would make a commitment i wasn’t sure of and end up hurting someone….not cool man not cool lol

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
10:27 am

czBrat – If the other party is moving too fast for me, I tend to question the motives for that movement. And make certain that I am attempting to communicate with my person about my concerns.

If those concerns aren’t addressed, then I will pull up because I am going to allow any one to put me in a situation that could be uncomfortable because of their issues and desires.

Good Guy Getting Greater

October 5th, 2009
10:35 am

Ms. Main – ” I’m trying to understand what comes of going through the motions of something thats’ NOT there?”

I think it’s relative. There are people out there who have “gone thru the motions” and somewhere along the line a spark happened and a chemistry unraveled. It’s arguable the chemistry was always there and the two were unaware, then again sum people believe you can really “muster up” some chemistry between people. I’m not a believer of “building towards chemistry” nor do I practice it, but it happens….just not with me lol

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
10:37 am

@SexeC … Exactly! Then you end up with a situation like Tazzee pointed out. It’s that delicate balance between keeping things together long enough to iron out the kinks (if possible) without misrepresenting your intentions.

off topic … how was the book discussion? i couldn’t get to terri vaughn’s fb page for the info.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
10:44 am

Good Morning All :)

Fake it till you make it…lmao!!

I’m going to go with “NO” for $200 Alex! Been there done that bought the book and was very disappointed..

If there is no chemistry then there is no chemistry, this isn’t something you can by at a store and magically sprinkle on that person….

I have LEARNED to not waste time as someone said before “life is too short” to be with someone you know is not right for you… You’ll turn around and wonder where those years went….

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
10:49 am

You’ll turn around and wonder where those years went….

Dream_n – I can’t preach this enough. I learned the hard way!

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
10:49 am

czBrat – This was an AWESOME event. I was moved by the RAW emotion shown by Terri Vaughn and Jacquitta Williams as they shared their personal stories of love lessons learned and their thoughts on Steve Harvey’s book. (They actually didn’t talk a lot about the book. There were certain parts of it mentioned but it was not the center of the discussion.)

From the opening by the soulful vocalist and talented guitarist to Navaina Rhodes closing thoughts and sharing of stories of women from the Bible, this was a well done event set in the beautifully appointed basement of Our Place Cafe.

I was reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
10:50 am

Faking it till you make it? I don’t know. I have nothing right now.

bored

October 5th, 2009
10:53 am

“I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates.”
THANK YOU??????????????? In Atlanta a healthy man with a job thinks he’s God’s gift to the female race and that we’re all so outnumbered in this town that we should be HONORED that he’s interested. That is so typical here.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
10:53 am

I will give chemistry time to develop, but I won’t fake it during that time.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
10:53 am

The faking it is not me at all. I am not one to bob my head like it is all good while on the inside I have concerns. I will say this I hate it when the chemistry is there, but you can see potential red flags as if the chemistry and the head/facts are not aligned. Now I really hate when that happens…close but no cigar.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
10:56 am

I don’t get the topic either.

Why would someone do this to themselves or someone else?

Professor

October 5th, 2009
10:59 am

@bored I have seen a few fellas like you describe “Atlanta a healthy man with a job thinks he’s God’s gift to the female race and that we’re all so outnumbered in this town that we should be HONORED that he’s interested.”

I was discussing something similar this weekend and I had someone tell me that American women and especially women of color are viewed as being easy and ready for marriage, so when he meets a woman that is taking it slow that goes against the norm.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:00 am

Actually, one of the things that Jaquitta talked about on Saturday was dating someone who she looked good with on paper and who she looked good WITH.

She says that she made more of an effort to invest in the relationship because all of the pieces were there, THEIR’S just didn’t fit together.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:02 am

(hit enter too quickly)

She says that she finally had to give herself permission to let it go because although he was not The One, she was trying to convince herself that he was.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:03 am

I think it could all be just a play on words. When you meet someone that is interesting to you, there is time a span there when you get to know that person to see if they are someone you like or can like. You stick around long enough to feel the person out. That could be faking it until you make it. While those words seem quite deceitful we all do it. Just under the umbrella “getting to know you”. Most of us do not entertain a relationship with someone until we are well into the getting to know you stage. Somewhere within that time frame we find that the person is not as interesting as we initially thought or find that they could be the one for you.

Then there is the whole fake it until you make it someone better comes along. But we all know that is very common and a whole other Oprah.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
11:03 am

@bored

Realistically (see the census – removing the prison population) and anecdotally (see any beauty shop in the ATL, esp. with Black female customers), the “numbers” are true.

So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit?

I mean, not to change the topic or anything….jusasking

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:04 am

czBrat are you former lurker or a name change?

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:10 am

Dudes always think they’re owed kudos of ish they are SUPPOSED to be doing.

I’m not impressed with the basics.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:12 am

Correction – SOME dudes…

Dan

October 5th, 2009
11:17 am

@SC

Some dudes do – granted.

Then there are those that overcome and exceed “the basics”, do they get cookies?

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:19 am

@BORED..or ladies..when men rush..is because you TALK TO MUCH..you overshare on your last relationship and all that you PUT UP WITH…your lack of sex since then or your overall boring life..so “most” sense the kill and try to fill in the gaps…whats funny is that most women want to be seduced..maybe the styles are different

so this weekend i had a date with a younger female that i meet…so on the way over there i said – rell why not try to get back to how you were before…so i decided to stop and get her one long stem rose…so when i meet up with her and present the rose – IT WAS OVER her whole face changed from man i hope this guy is straight to – hey there might be more here..just my live report

Dan

October 5th, 2009
11:19 am

Oh, and some women do too.

But let’s not equivocate or re-litigate that issue

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:22 am

If you think you deserve a cookie, buy yourself one.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:24 am

SexyCool that’s probably because there are so many dudes that are not coming up. And they know this amongst each other not to mention the complaints from us women. I would imagine to be one of the ones that is not trying to find ways and excuses around the “basics” makes a lot guys feel like the exception these days instead of what’s normal and expected. They just want affirmation for doing the right thing I guess.

FYI I really don’t know what you were referring to but I just wanted to comment on your 11:10 with why I think it is.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:25 am

Everything de¬
pends on the target of your seduc¬
tion. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose
only those who will prove susceptible to your
charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill
a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often
isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of re¬
cent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so—for the
completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce.
The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts
you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will
help make your seductive maneuvers seem more
natural and dynamic. The perfect victim
allows for the perfect chase.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:25 am

Raqi – I was answering Dan’s 1103a.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:28 am

some men seek validation thru there accomplishments…..just like some women want to be championed for being independent….so thats why…knowing that..just give a pat on the back for a job well done and move on to something else…i mean why do we find it so hard to over a slight praise for ones percieved struggles in life….just do it folks it free..its costs you nothing and it goes along way to making someone feel good about themselves.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
11:35 am

If you think you deserve a cookie, buy yourself one.

Couldn’t have said it better… i’ve always said that.. i am not going to pat you on the back… give a standin ovation… or throw you a party if you are doing what your are supposed to be doing as a “MAN”…. nice car, nice house, a degree, good manners, thoughtfulness, has a good head on his shoulders, knows how to talk to a woman,knows how to romance a woman… all those attributes do not equate to me bending over backwards for you.. While I may be rather impressed that does not call fro some sort of celebration… IMO :)

but kudos to the guys that are doing the thing :)

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:40 am

,knows how to romance a woman…

ladies what would you say to me if i sent you this text

i had a bad day at work on my way home?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
11:42 am

Dan

Yeah, they can have a RIGHT to be a little conceited cause they think they all that. And we have a right to call BS on that conceit too, and REJECT that mess! These are the very ones that will be out there whining, saying they can’t find a good woman!

Like aggwit said last week – stop whining and start being! The dudes that are really ABOUT IT are out there doing it, getting it and don’t have to ASK for cookies!

Child’s play, Dan.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:42 am

Oh. LOL

Doing the right thing does not grant a pass for anyone to be conceited by any means. That changes my feelings right there. While doing the right thing among a nation of slackers may afford you an attaboy from the one who appreciates you, it does not give you a right to be beside yourself.

Modesty is one of life’s greatest character traits.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
11:47 am

@Kimmie

Let me be clear, I’m not referring to myself, my conceit is genetic.

And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?

Is there a happy medium?

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:50 am

Rell I think we don’t show enough appreciation to each other as for interacting men and women in today’s society. We are a selfish generation and it gets worst at the years turn.

I am one that thinks the conceitedness of a man and/or the independent stances of women are just taking it too far, but I do think that we should show appreciation for those in our lives that are doing the thing. I believe in being grown up and responsible. I don’t need to state my independence in doing what life calls for. But we need to stop taking each other for granted in our doings.

If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
11:50 am

@ kimmie

Child’s play, Dan

Very true :)

So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit?

There’s a difference between being conceited and proud of your accomplishments.. and the conceited route will get you no where ….

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
11:52 am

@Dan sure there is. i think we’re allowed to express admiration, appreciation and support for those who are holding it down and doin all the right things (as well as those who are truly trying) without feeling like we’re feeding a monster ego or catering to conceit.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
11:57 am

And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?

I don’t know Dan, why is that, in your world anyway? You come on saying these “arrogant” dudes have a right to be conceited, so YOU yourself are admitting those dudes exist! And yes, there are some women that do bemoan the lack of good brothers. There are dudes that say there are no good sisters too.

A happy medium does exist – There are women that HAVE good brothers(that are not conceited) or date guys of other races.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:58 am

If you can never offer a compliment then STFU complaining.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
12:04 pm

@Kimmie

I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.

I don’t condone anyone else’s actions in that regard, and of course I concede that they exist.

But the happy medium was the take-away there.

As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that. If anything, it’s the males that are more optimistic about finding a compatible mate.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
12:06 pm

If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.

Raqi – We don’t know what goes on in other people’s house or other people’s relationships. Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?

How did the birthday dinner go?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
12:09 pm

As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that.

They’ve said it right here, Dan. Plenty have said there is much quantity, but the quality is missing.

I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.

That’s not how your original post read Dan, but okay.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
12:13 pm

Actually, Dan – the initial phrasing of your question implied exactly that.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm

GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm

GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.

AmazonRed™ - Go Cal! Beat USC!

October 5th, 2009
12:26 pm

Enter your comments here

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
12:29 pm

Afternoon lovelies –

I can kinda understand this topic. My head rules my heart and I move rather slow while I try to assess what’s what and a guy’s intentions. I don’t know if it’s me “faking” it, as the chemistry does have to be there. But I need more than chemistry to want to proceed with a guy. And I might not be feeling every aspect of him, but will go out with him to know more, even if it’s just to confirm my inital instincts.

But yeah, the moment I know it’s not going to go anywhere, I cut bait.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
12:38 pm

I watched some old episodes of Sex and the City yesterday.

The whole Carrie/Aidan relationship reminded me of this topic. You’re with a great guy who loves you and treats you well, but your heart is with someone else. But you can’t have that other person because his married or otherwise unavailable.

You can’t sit around pining for the unavailable person forever. You should move on. But sometimes when you move on you realize then that your heart isn’t in it.

Before my dad came along, my mom was engaged to a man who had everything going for him, looked great on paper and loved her madly. She eventually realize she didn’t feel the same and broke off the engagement. I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
12:39 pm

Let’s be honest…most of these dudes wearing the badge of “conceit” don’t have ish to be conceited about. I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
12:42 pm

so says “Deeva4Life”! Irony much?

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
12:47 pm

Aggwitty I mean, that’s my opinion…and like I said those that feel that strong about themselves can continue to do so, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be that way.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
12:57 pm

@Rell, why so personal? Who pissed in your coffee? Maybe if you had more going for you, you would not have time to analyze someone you could not identify in a police line up. I hope your simple, stupid azz get a grip or at least some Prozac and a glass of water to wash it all down. Take your own advice because if you had chosen the right woman you would not be so bitter, broken and bruised.

WHOA! LOL.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm

*****I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.*****

I can see that happening particularly when the two of you look good on paper and the relationship is flowing…sort of like you are caught up or something. I guess one day you have an epiphany.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm

I get what you saying. still ironic, in that some might say you are conceited for having that username.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:00 pm

OUch @ that shot at Rell. Sheesh

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:02 pm

Aggwitty this is a blog…we all created our blog names…it doesn’t have anything to do with me personally. It was a creative moment if you will…LOL But if one chose to think that way, that’s their prerogative…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:03 pm

Agg – So are you calling Wise conceited?

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm

Anyone who has a self aggrandizing name is somewhat conceited…me included.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm

Deeva

I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

That is pretty strong statement to make. It really is ironic. Pretty much everyone on this board feels pretty strong about ourselves or we’d be lurkers.

After all, read the screen names…Poppa Grande, Agg Witty, Deeva4Life, Ms. Main, SexyCool, Amazon Red. No seems to have a really reserved screen name or than Dan, Rell, Kimmie (All of these seem to parts or variations of their real names).

Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). Why not something less?

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:12 pm

Poppa – a positive and strong sense of self is needed. We SHOULD think positive of ourselves, but to be conceited is a whole different ball game. I didn’t put a whole lot of thought behind my screen name…it’s a blog. My choice has nothing to do with me personally. I can’t speak for the others. Deeva4Life was my choice…simple. It had nothing to do with conceit. But as in all things, you, Aggwitty and anybody else here is entitled to your opinions or thoughts, but to project that on me…well I’m not signing up for that class…LOL

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

October 5th, 2009
1:13 pm

You guys are going off on a wicked tangent……

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:14 pm

Poppa – I think it’s a difference between conceit versus just having a healthy love of self or healthy self-esteem.

My screen name was chosen just out of laziness – I didn’t feel like trying to come up with anything cute or profound. One of my good friends calls me Kimmie and I was talking to her at the time, so I ran with it.

It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
1:15 pm

I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

I totally agree with your statement. (Deeva)

Secondly are we really going in on someone about their username…. Its a name lol…..

Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). (funny)!

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:16 pm

Yucky on the stray cats frying in all that grease with a pepper on the side…

WTH! LOL.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

There’s some hot fiyah up in here. Dayum at that 12:57. :lol:

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

I chose CrazySexyCool…because, well, I am…

aaaannnndddd – I happened to have been listening to that album way back when I started blogging.

LMAO!!!

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!

@ Kimmie – AMEN!!!

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:18 pm

<—opposite over adjacent lile a muhhhh fugga

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:20 pm

And therein lies the rub.

My conceit is my own – it warrants no validation, no approval, no confirmation.

I do not seek for anyone to “give me props” (or a cookie, etc.), I do that on my own. Deserve has nothing to do with it.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:22 pm

Little Wise Diva goes home from school and tells her mom that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s so good at them…..

Mom says: ” YOU should say NO – they only want to look at your undies”

Wise Diva said: “I know they do … that’s why I hide them in my backpack”!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
1:23 pm

I think aggwitty has a strong point coz if u thoght about the name and then went ahead and made it ur official name on the blog,u were smewhat potraying that, about urslef.

So why try to hide that now??,….so just u can be politically correct??

Thats why this topic didnt even have much discussion either.
Everybody appears to be doing the right thing??
Ha??

So why all the problems in getting booed up??

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm

lurker – why are you re-posting and commenting on stuff from last week?

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm

Oooohhhh,

Melo with the 3!!!!!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
1:25 pm

Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?

kimmie some, but it is more to the point of just venting about how their SO complains a lot. And then some situations where some are actually doing the complaining.
This one guy here at work was telling us how he painted the entire interior of the house after his wife stated it needed to be done. Instead of her thanking him she found fault. Pointing the tiniest of areas missed and by mistake getting some paint on the carpet and stuff like that.

I’m like this, you should at least have something good or nice to say about your SO sometimes. At least once a month. At least.

How did the birthday dinner go?

It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:26 pm

@ARed, now you know w/you responding negatively or positively, he’s taking it you at least thought about it. The twisted minds of human beings! That’s funny!

Leggs – huh?

SHE SAID YOU TWISTED! LOL.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:27 pm

It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.

Fabulous!

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

I think that all people, especially successful people, have a level of conceit in them. Self-love is good. A little bit of conceit in those that say despite what others thinks I can get this goal or that goal. Simple self-love would keep people out of stressful situations. A little step above that is required to make some things happen, though.

Too much conceit will be counter productive. But a little conceit has to be there in order to break societal norms or peer pressure.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

SHE SAID YOU TWISTED! LOL

Nothing wrong with that from time to time. :twisted:

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:29 pm

LOL. YALL A BIG BUNCH OF NUTS! LOL. SO ENTERTAINING. I FEEL LIKE IM AT THE ZOO LOOKING AT THE ANIMALS WITH MY KIDS. EATING POPCORN. LOL.

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:29 pm

@ Dan – so do you consider yourself an upstanding dude? Because earlier you asked…So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit? Ok, maybe the word deserve wasn’t the best choice, but your question is what prompted my post. Just because one is upstanding doesn’t give him a right to be conceited (granted that argument has already been made). That’s my opinion and I deserve to share it…LOL

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:32 pm

@ Melo – go back and read. I’ve already stated my position on my choice. Period. Take it how you want…you’re entitled.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:33 pm

Deeva

Ok, maybe the word deserve wasn’t the best choice,

That word “deserve” is what led me to post. We are all human, who is one person to say what another person deserves (other than themselves)?

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
1:35 pm

why are you re-posting and commenting on stuff from last week?

- i was thinking the same thing…guess i was suppose to nut up and start name calling and all that….guess i was suppose to eat that cheese laid out for me…lol

i still dont see the problem with telling someone good job on your journey thus far – i always ask…how will your journey benefit me if we decide to go forward – did you get a strength from your adversity that will help you in your romatic relationship…i ask questions to see if its real or just marketing for the product…its really not a sticking point or dealbreaker…folks just like talk about themselves

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
1:36 pm

Deeva4Life..

I think u are a Diva,u read like a Diva and will be forever a Diva based on what u say.

Why is it different today??

just coz aggwitty mentioned conceit??

Read Poppa’s 1.28, i agree with his sentiments and its true about me as it is true about u,to sme extend.
Why not stand on ur beliefs and keep it moving.
Oh maybe u arent a Diva after all???

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
1:37 pm

who is one person to say what another person deserves

Poppa, ForReal will give you a thousand reasons why one can’t state what they deserve. Where is he anyway?

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
1:38 pm

I don’t think the word conceit is the best word choice… Poppa Grande.

Anything dealing with that word is a recipe for disaster. I think its okay to feel accomplished or take pride in what you have accomplished.

conceited, vain,arrogant, egotistical,

Those words to not represent a person who is humble in their accomplishments..

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:39 pm

@Rell and the more you let folks talk about themselves, the more you learn.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:42 pm

@Deeva

What I think of myself is irrelevant to anyone but me.

As for an upstanding dude, defined as having morals (and displaying them in my everyday life), having an honor code (and living by it even when it’s tough), and trying to be a good person – then yeah – I’m an upstanding dude.

Otherwise, I ain’t isht.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
1:42 pm

@BRAT…yep thats why i dont mind all the talking..you learn alot…hell every date i have been on – its always “all we have talked about is me”…i want to hear about you – i ask what is it that you want to know…..then i get silence…so i ask “do you want to know me or are you nervous”…do you feel like you have revealed to much…etc…i dont say ish…i just help them feel in the stories and i accept the projection they place on me and the date….THE MASK ALWAYS COME OFF when its my turn to lead….try it folks…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:45 pm

Raqi – I’m glad the dinner went well, I thought about you guys when I was watching this guy on the Food Network preparing lobster.

I was actually playing devils advocate a bit with my appreciation question.LOL! That’s unfortunate about your coworker and the painting – if that’s the REAL story. Who knows how many times she had to ask, beg him to do the painting? And there are some folks you can’t please no matter how much you do. Maybe she’s one of those folks, and if so, he probably knew that before he married her so no need complaining now.LOL
I absolutely agree that everyone should show their SO appreciation on a regular basis – I have a ph.d from the school of reciprocation! Not only that, but we should show others appreciation as well, like our parents, good neighbors, teachers, etc. I think everyone at one time or another has felt underappreciated by their SO though. On the other hand, we should not get overly excited by folks who simply do what they should be doing anyway as a responsible adult – including the “miss independents” and “mr good brothers”. JMO – gotta put that out there today!LOL!!

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:45 pm

Conceit is simple hyper optimism.

I keep tryin to tell y’all about the light…

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
1:46 pm

Kimmie – >>>here<<<

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:47 pm

DAN, I believe that what we think of ourselves is relevant to others. After all, we (supposedly) know ourselves better than anyone, right? Understanding what a person thinks of themself is a great source of insight … to see both the beauty and the fugly in each of us.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:50 pm

After all, read the screen names…Poppa Grande, Agg Witty, Deeva4Life, Ms. Main, SexyCool, Amazon Red. No seems to have a really reserved screen name or than Dan, Rell, Kimmie (All of these seem to parts or variations of their real names).

Actualy, PG my name was suggested by My2 and Jamoca….cause I was like the main lurker….but I’ll take that…lol

Yeah baby!

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:51 pm

to add to KIMMIE’s 1:45 comment…. i also thought perhaps the wife gave a simple ‘thank you’ and proceded to criticize the workmanship. not so cool on her part, but there are those who will disregard a kind word and focus on the critique (why they do this i have no idea … but i’ve seen it many times). just a thought.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:53 pm

Dream’n

The the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has a definition of conceit as “excessive appreciation of ones own worth or virtue”.

Under that definition, it my belief that we all have some conceit.

In reality, we are all human. None of us are irreplaceable. The spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

So, to rise above the fray, conceit is needed. We have to think at some point that we are too good for some things. i.e. I am too good to get caught up in drugs. I stay clear of that mess. I know people who have gotten caught up in that mess. At the end of the day, we both will die and move on. I am not more special than another person. We all have flaws.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:54 pm

Enter your comments here

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:55 pm

@Brat

Being for real, for real, I only think about the people that I allow into my life. Theirs are the only opinions that matter.

The rest of the world is a stage with everyone else as “extra’s”.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:57 pm

But a little conceit has to be there in order to break societal norms or peer pressure.

True…I live life in the sight of God and God alone. His word guides me in out of life and it’s ins and outs. Tells me what I should versus shouldn’t do in interacting with my fellow man. Otherwise, I not bothered by what other folks do or think neither do I buy into doing things cause everybody else does it or it’s politically correct or it’s the norm.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:59 pm

Okay, got a litte Forest Gump going on today
“……His word guides me in and out of life”
Otherwise “I’m….”

should have been posted

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:59 pm

Correction: The Earth spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

With that I am going to take a nap. I had a terrible weekend. I lost one friend and another is in jail as a result. I am talking about the whole Bodytap thing. The saddest thing of it all is that it didn’t have to go down the way that it did. From what I’ve heard, AJ was as responsible for his own death as Vernon Forrest was in his. It seems that AJ was the original aggressor. It seems that Fred was defending himself. Fred is a marine that is trained in Hand to Hand combat. It got out of hand. Hence, a voluntary manslaughter charge for Fred and not murder.

I didn’t get much sleep this weekend. Luckily, I am not working or in class today.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:01 pm

The Earth spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

The world was created prior to man being made

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
2:02 pm

PG – My condolences to his family, Kandi and to you.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
2:04 pm

@Ms. Main

Technically, it’s conceit to believe that God knows you, or for that matter, any of us.

The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Conceit is what gets you outta the bed, dressed, working, etc. Conceit is in just about everything we do.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
2:05 pm

My condolences as well PG

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:05 pm

I had a terrible weekend. I lost one friend and another is in jail as a result.

PG – Sorry to hear that. Hope you are able to rest.

How in the world are those guys friends of yours? Doesn’t seem like the type of friends you’d have.

My condolences.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:09 pm

DAN, so it’s not so much that you think your opinion of yourself is irrelevant but more so that what others (random folks) think of you is irrelevant? i would have to agree with that.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:10 pm

The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Why wouldn’t he be Dan? He knows and cares about each and every one of us. He even knows every strand of hair on your head.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:11 pm

Fred is a marine that is trained in Hand to Hand combat. It got out of hand.

- yea i already know what he knows…in the marines all they teach you is how to kill someone several different ways and you practice at twice a week in mock hand to hand combat fights..you practice against knive and gun attacks as well….thats why i dont really play with folks or allow them to get me in a twist either cause its not going to end good for anyone…my prayers are with you – ish is crazy..in ga how much time do you get for voluntary manslaughter

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

Poppa … my condolences as well. That is so tragic. Be well.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

LOL 2.05 Ared! :evil:

To think i have foot and mouth disease???

Condolonces to u and urs Poppa!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
2:13 pm

…..It’s not about being conceited, It’s about being convinced!

ARED – ..What kind of people would those be that they could not be PG’s friend?

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
2:13 pm

@ Poppa Grand:

Sorry to hear that…. my prayers are with everyone involved..

On topic- We’ll agree to disagree :)

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
2:15 pm

@ Raqi

Please someone take him to curch… unlss he does not believe in GOD.
The comforting feeling that GOD thinks about you has nothing to do with being conceited…

smh

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

What kind of people would those be that they could not be PG’s friend?

Those in the exotic entertainment industry.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

It is a stroke of good fortune to find one who is worth se¬
ducing. . . . Most people rush ahead, become engaged or do
other stupid things, and in a turn of the hand everything is
over, and they know neither what they have won nor what
they have lost.
—SØREN KIERKEGAARD

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
2:20 pm

ARED – They are first and foremost Sons, fathers, husbands, fiances and loved by those that knew them. That was a classless statement full of assumptions………but I will charge to your head (logic) and not to your heart.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
2:20 pm

Ms. Main – Hey there chickadee. :) No problem, you can put that one (partially) on us…since you had to indeed accept the namechange. ;) She often (myself included) referred to you as Main Lurker. My thoughts each time I posted something regarding or towards you were “the name Main Lurker being a little too unisex…and she’s a girl, not a boy!”. (Also hence Truth giving My2’s moniker a more feminine touch of My2Tatas. LOL) Not only that, another blogger referenced themselves as Main Lurker and it was too hard to keep up with (which is which?)! LOL So there came the epiphany of —> Why not “Ms. Main” ? So there ya have it. :)

(and although I’m into the RHOA…or reality shows as a whole…)

But PoppaG, I’m really sorry to hear about that. Like many others, I read that.

It’s amazing sometimes, a person wakes up one day not knowing their number will soon be up in a matter of hours…be it death or a “run-in” with the law. You as well as a few others will be in my thoughts & prayers. It’s just so much going on these days…

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:21 pm

Wings – You are entitled to your opinion. You don’t have to charge it to anything.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:24 pm

Never rush into the waiting arms of the first person who seems to like
you. That is not seduction but insecurity. The need that draws you will
make for a low-level attachment, and interest on both sides will sag. Look
at the types you have not considered before—that is where you will find
challenge and adventure. Experienced hunters do not choose their prey by
how easily it is caught; they want the thrill of the chase, a life-and-death
struggle—the fiercer the better.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
2:27 pm

On the appreciation thing – what about when your mate does something that you repeatedly ask them NOT to do?

My fiance’ washed my clothes the other day. I sort my clothes based on color, but when I wash them I further sort them based on material. Well he washed a load based on color alone. I know he was trying to help, but he put a handwash/line dry dress in the washer AND dryer. I didn’t ‘fuss’ but I did tell him that I would appreciate it if he doesn’t wash my clothes again.

I still don’t think he gets it… now I have to make sure I don’t leave him alone in my house with any dirty clothes :lol:

Lord Velonese

October 5th, 2009
2:29 pm

Dumb, dumb, dumb, DUMB!

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
2:32 pm

Now that’s blasphemy —> (and although I’m into the RHOA…or reality shows as a whole…)

Correction: …although I Am NOT into…

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:34 pm

I didn’t ‘fuss’ but I did tell him that I would appreciate it if he doesn’t wash my clothes again

LOL…u really make me laugh! :lol:

tell him to find sme to do around the house and not anything to do with clothes or dishes!
This is what u get for making ur men be new age guys…… :lol:

If i were to do laundry at my house, i wld put all of them in there,no seperation by color or anything….
When a man starts paying attn to things like that..sme is not right.

ANNOUNCEMENT GUYS!

Dont do laundry! SUCKAS!!

:lol: :lol:

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:36 pm

Tazzee, did you tell him WHY you prefer he not do your laundry anymore? Without the why he may either think you’re simply ungrateful for his effort or, worse, he may make the mistake of tying to ‘help you out’ again.

I went through a similar situation when I was married. I thought I was sparing his feelings by not telling him WHY I didn’t want him to do laundry (or cook) for me anymore but because I didn’t explain myself, my ex-hubbs simply felt unappreciated. :)

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:40 pm

My fiance’ washed my clothes the other day

LMBO Tazzee.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:43 pm

czBrat,what were ur reasons as far as the laundry and cooking were concerned,if u dont mind sharing??

..altho i agree with u that, in the main,no man shld be near those 2 items..laundry machine or stove.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:45 pm

no man shld be near those 2 items..laundry machine or stove

:roll:

lurker

October 5th, 2009
2:52 pm

They are first and foremost Sons, fathers, husbands, fiances and loved by those that knew them. That was a classless statement full of assumptions………but I will charge to your head (logic) and not to your heart.

AMEN SISTA! THAT DAYUM ARED! SMDH.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
2:54 pm

but because I didn’t explain myself, my ex-hubbs simply felt unappreciated.

BEEN THERE 2! TRAIN HIM AND HAVE FUN DOING IT.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

OK, Melo, seems silly now … but he didn’t sort the laundry by color and an item of mine was ruined AND …. he made BBQ ribs with spaghetti. Quite frankly I just thought that was way weird!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

Tazzee maybe once you two become a household you can decide who will do what.

You wash the laundry, he folds.

He cooks, you do the dishes.

And so on. LOL You just better hope he is not one that uses every pot, pan, spoon and spatula in the house just to cook a spinach and feta cheese omelet.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

DanTechnically, it’s conceit to believe that God knows you, or for that matter, any of us. The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Ummm, like Raqi said….why would he not be? Seeing that my life and well-being lies in his hands, him being the captain of my soul, the ruler of the universe….he can have my back any day!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:56 pm

What’s up Jamoca

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:57 pm

tazz why not show him where he messed up versus dont do ish for me…thats how it came across….i mean maybe he never had to sort by care tag – i do….but most men dont..i learned the care tag thing in the marines…because if it does not come out right you will be back down there handwashing your stuff…lol i can turn 4 loads into 8..with that alone..so i feel you….

@melo…i cook, clean, wash/fold, etc…thats not new age..its called taking care of oneself

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:00 pm

i cook, clean, wash/fold, etc…thats not new age..its called taking care of oneself

u single buddy…but if u got a side babe,she can come over and do that for u too,if u dont mind!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:01 pm

Dream_n Please someone take him to curch… unlss he does not believe in GOD. The comforting feeling that GOD thinks about you has nothing to do with being conceited…smh

Girl, I ain’t gon lie, sometimes I wonder how people advance as far as they have in life (I’m talking 30s and 40s) and never know to whom honor should be given. I’m SMH too. WOW

Dan

October 5th, 2009
3:02 pm

@Raqi/ Ms. Main

My point is that there is a conceit in believing that a being that is omnipotent knows you (as an individual).

I’m not speaking on doctrine, moreso the logic of it

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:02 pm

late in teh day to chime in on this topic but it does hit a nerve for me on several levels.

I generally do somewhat fake it. There, it is out there now. I do this when ladies are in the “maybe, but not sure” range. I want to give it enough time to start feeling something or feeling nothing (usually when I find myself NOT looking forward to calling or going out).

I almost always know after only one or two dates whether I want to pursue it…then comes the hard part, the “extraction” as they called it in the Army.

I am a serial monogamous…I like having ONE woman at a time. Does this mean I stay long after the feeling is gone…only in my marriage, not in relationships. Truthfully, once I COMMIT, I COMMIT. At that point I have gathered enough information to say, I want this woman in my life and I will do MY part to make it work.

Now if I can just find the perfect woman who doesn’t have an ex hanging out there somewhere realizing what he left in his last pasture.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:06 pm

czBrat – yes, I told him why. The thing is, we’ve talked about this before. I guess he was bored or something. Actually I know he was trying to help me out, I was working some crazy hours last week. He even called me at work and said “Don’t be upset but I washed a load of clothes” but he said he only washed some t-shirts, so I thought it was just my workout clothes.

Raqi – we’ve already discussed those types of roles, but for some reason he won’t let me have the washing.

What’s funny is we almost got into an argument because he tried to say I needed a better sorting procedure. I was ‘this close’ to saying “No, you just need to leave my clothes alone like I’ve asked” – but he sounded so apologetic, I agreed to show him how I do it…. But I’m still going to make sure I don’t leave him alone in the house with clothes in the hamper – at least none of my delicates.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:09 pm

Just read some of the previous posts re: men, laundry, and cooking.

I cook very well thank you and am pretty good at it…especially Italian. Kind of challenged re cooking while not making a mess.

I have been known to wash whites with colors and PAID the price, reds do not wash out well so I have had to decide whether I was confident in my manhood enough to wear pink (maybe more than once).

I have been known to not read the lady and fugg up a really nice wool something, so neutral on a washing machine.

Am totally ironing challenged, but as long as that nice little Asian gal will wash and iron my shirts for $1.25, I have a much more exceptable alternative to me and the GE steam iron.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:09 pm

LOL!! Tazzee, that’s kinda cute & funny (but I know you’re serious about your duds). Sounds like you’re gonna have to start keeping your dirty laundry in the trunk of your car :o

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:12 pm

meant to say “label” not “lady” in “read the l…”

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:12 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf. :D

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:13 pm

@ Randyt.. Your posts in relation to relationships always put me in a somber mood.. lol…… maybe its just me :)

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:13 pm

LOL @ no man near the stove, meanwhile the best chefs on earth are men.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:14 pm

RandyT, I appreciate your candor.

I think the topic was probably framed incorrectly, was it the fake orgasm quote that threw you off? LOL! J/K

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:16 pm

Tazzee I have a separate hamper for my delicates. Maybe you could try that. Tell him he can wash everything ABC hamper but leave XYZ for you to take care of. Maybe that will help.

But I am still LMBO.

You situation is about like I was saying last week about putting the dishes in the dishwasher. I appreciate it even though I have to stop the machine and rearrange the dishes so that they will get cleaned properly.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:17 pm

my laundry/cooking incident with the ex was in my early 20’s. i think now (40’s) most men have had to learn their way around domestic chores so i’m cool with letting him handle as much as he can handle.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

my ex wife was anal about the laundry. She got really POed if I did not do it exactly the way she did, ordered me away from the laundry room, and then added that to the list of things “she had to do because I didn’t”…funny how yard work, cleaning up dishes, getting up with the babies, and all of that other shyte never seemed to get figured into the equation.

(Man if I start thinking about my marriage much, I’ll NEVER put my foot back into the water…it really sucked. I need to think this through about whether I want that kind of angst in my life period…you women are nice much of the time, but those other times make it questionable, LOL)

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

i do my best life planning while cooking…i am in a trance when i cook…i am one of the people that actually like to watch the food cook…lol…i drink while i cook and most time i bake at the same time…and when i was married i would have samples out for tasting…cooking is a big thing for me…i look forward to it…i am thinking what can i cook when i get home on this rainy day…lol

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf.

:) :) :) :) :)

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:19 pm

@Rell – I actually like what I’m hearing in you today……I’m glad you had a good date:)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

but if u got a side babe,she can come over and do that for u too,if u dont mind!

Melo – Side babe may not appreciate being expected to be treated like wifey – ya gotta put a ring on it first, buddy!LOL!! I cook cause I love to, so whomever I date benefits from that. But laundry is only done for SPOUSES!

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

he may cook, he may launder, he may even mop but he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

LOL aggwitty you are correct.

I wish my marido would offer to cook more. I welcome it.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:22 pm

he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

:lol: :idea:

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:23 pm

he may cook, he may launder, he may even mop but he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

Now you’re really preaching there :lol: :lol: :lol:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:23 pm

Hey WD …tried several times but it is hard for me to fake an orgasm. Women can always tell because I don’t yell and scream near as loudly when I am faking it ;-)

Dream n … Don’t mean to depress ya Hon…I just am somewhat of a deep thinker (which has gotten me into trouble in relationships sometimes, LOL).

Willie Dynamite

October 5th, 2009
3:24 pm

Rell – 3:18 is me all the way. I’m even so bad that if I taste something good at a restaurant I’ll go and try to duplicate at home.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

*My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf.*

Wise, this should maybe be a topic. Expecting traditional gender roles in non traditional arrangements. Is it fair to expect for the woman to be the only one responsible for cooking and cleaing if both parties work? conversely, is it fair to expect the man to be the only one cutting grass/taking out trash if both parties work?

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

I’m even so bad that if I taste something good at a restaurant I’ll go and try to duplicate at home.

:D Bet the wife really appreciates that too.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

@wings..again i just clown and blow of steam…if no one else is going to be REAL then why should i……but i have said this before..but thank you

@raqi…yea i like that solutions…thats what marriage is about solutions not arguments

@tazz – he is not always going to do or say the right things – all things should not lead to potentail arguements ……those lil flairs up are just time wasters, whenever i find myself in those situations…i knew it was time for some space…you prolly need a good girls night out or a trip..the culture shift you are about to experience is alot bigger than you think at this time….

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

Simply maintaining, Ms. Main…and keeping myself extremely busy (like I need extra ish to that…my girls to a fine job of that already). I wonder sometimes how I actually make time to stop and breathe.

Now as for doing laundry, cooking…and/or just being domesticated. Heck, these little girls have got that laundry on lock…from seperating, to temperature setting, to how much laundry detergent per load…you name it. And if by chance, they come across a piece of clothing that they’re unsure of…even after looking at the tag, I advise them to simply open their mouths and ask. But usually delicates, Dry Clean Only items are not thrown in the same hamper along with usual items. That way, less confusion and less questions asked.

I just always thought any grown person should know how to perform the basics around the house in order to take care of themselves. And if they don’t know or are unsure, they’d better look around and ask somebody.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

Willie 3:24 I LOVE that about my s/o!!!! That’s the best part of going out with him. Knowing that I can get that meal at home from then on :) He’s CRAZY gifted in the kitchen.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

I am not afraid of bugs but I don’t do rodents, snakes and stray dogs.
That’s when I need my man to be all the man he can be.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

@wd….when i smoked weed…i got the recipe for reeses peanut butter cups…lol…i use to make trays of those things…lol

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

Re: kill the bug…

I heard a really funny story years ago on Paul Harvey. One day while her husband was at work, the wife cornered a large cockroach, but could not kill it. Somehow she picked it up and threw it in the commode. She tried flushing it, but the cockroach kept just swimming around in the bowl. She found a can of Raid bug killer and sprayed the whole can in the bowl trying to kill it. Anyway, her husband came home from work and as was his tradition, took the newspaper up to the bathroom (2nd floor) lit a cigarette, and sat down to do his “constitutional”. So he finishes his “lit” cigarette and drops it in the bowl not knowing she had filled it full of Raid which is combustible. Bang, it sort of exploded and burned his azz really bad. She called 911 and they came to help. They strapped him and his burned backside to the gurney and as they were taking him down the stairs, they were laughing so hard they tripped, dropped him and he fell down the stairs and broke his leg. Not a good day.

Dark Brown

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

I have been dating two guys casually for the last couple of months. At the same time that it is becoming evident that I am developing no particular affection for one, I am finding myself drawn to the other and he to me.

Very soon, I have to have a conversation with the one to let him know that I did not choose him. I’m not looking forward to this conversation, but it is the right thing to do.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

Rell – thanks for the advice, but it wasn’t serious at all. The only thing that potentially got it to an argument was when he tried to blame me for it. But it was diffused quickly. We even talked about that situation when we were going through our premarital counseling workbook. It was the only example we could think of when we had to give an example of working through a problem.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:33 pm

@ Randyt :)

@ aggwitty

I like that idea…for us (ie: me)
Non traditional girls (in some aspects).

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

Rell one of the wisest statements recorded in history is ‘pick your battles wisely’. And yes solutions should always be sought after.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

I’m out folks. Off to prep for Maxwell/Common/Chrisette tonight. Be Blessed!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

Rell – Your 3:18 – that’s me all the way! And give me a glass of wine while I’m doing it and I’m really in heaven!

I just always thought any grown person should know how to perform the basics around the house in order to take care of themselves. And if they don’t know or are unsure, they’d better look around and ask somebody.

Jamoca – I mean really!LOL!!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:35 pm

Rell- I think most people on here are real…our realities…like our experiences/perceptions are just different….but I do hear in you the sage voice of experience……..you will make a great s/o to s/o special.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
3:35 pm

LMAO RandyT! Dayum, she could have at least told him…or better yet cleaned the residue from the bugspray altogether…

Keith

October 5th, 2009
3:36 pm

What was the point of this drivel?

Are you asking us if it is OK to lie to yourself and others? Why would you continue to date someone without really knowing them or trying to know them? Perhaps you should ask — “Is it ok to be in a relationship where you make no effort to learn about the person you’re dating/sleeping with?” or perhaps you should be asking “Do I have an emotional problem where I continue to stay in relationships because they’re convenient because I don’t like to be alone and will date/be with any that fills that requirement?” Or maybe it’s just sex?

Because, after reading what you wrote, Wise Diva, that’s how it sounds to me.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:36 pm

Raqi – I am going to get a separate hamper for my delicates, that’s a good idea.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:37 pm

I think most people on here are real…our realities…like our experiences/perceptions are just different….

:idea:

Folks really get caught up in the matrix sometimes.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:37 pm

ya gotta put a ring on it first, budd

KIMMIE

No wonder the divorce rate in america is so high..
If there is no dress rehersal,hw do i know u are capable??

Thats why i wont,i mean, i wldnt allow the ‘no sex until marriage’ thing.
If im gonna wife u and u think u are capable,show me u can handle it.When u visit me at the crib for a weekend, i expect u to do wifey stuff for that weekend without me asking u too.
Otherwise, I bench u!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:38 pm

aggwitty we have actually tried to address the traditional expectations in the non-traditional settings. Folks like to pick and choose according to what’s convenient for them.

Yeah WiseDiva let’s talk about that again the way aggwitty phrased it. I may be able to help you with it. I will shoot you an email in a day or two. Or three. Or seven.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:38 pm

you will make a great s/o to s/o special

- i think so…i just have to get thru this..and be in the position to recieve that blessing again…i f* up my last one BIG TIME…i take full responsibility for that one…..FULL…

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

Time is so precious and limited on this earth. I take the reference to men faking whole relationships to mean how they’ll let it coast along… she’ll be in a relationship with her d@mn self and he won’t bother to disabuse her of the notion. Cuz its easier than to confront the situation, address the issue and move forward. What fool would rather waste precious time being fake – especially under the flimsy premise of sparing someone’s feelings? Man or Woman up and say what needs to be said…I think it’s Ms. Main would say, ‘Do the necessary.’ Hardly anything faux works for me. Don’t like:
Fake People
Fake Leather
Fake Feelings
Fake Monikers

I don’t know how half the folks make it thru other folks’ quality control checks…if you hear the censors going off, the person cannot be authenticated. Why put up with a factory second?

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

Folks really get caught up in the matrix sometimes.

- yes i do ARED..thanks for pointing out yet again one of my crazy moments..where would i be with out your constant correction and ridicule..thanks again…your the perfect person…i strive to be as perfect as you!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

DB- There is nothing like a made up mind (especially in matters of the heart). Good for you!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:42 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided

Dream_n While there are separate households in my case, I still like taking care of my SO as there’s a womanly feel to it…for me. I mean I don’t go over just to render maid service but while I’m there, I take care of him…and his needs and if I need a light bulb replaced, bug squashed insecticide for ants put down, doing a late run to the store, then that’s not a problem for him either.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:44 pm

Melo – Now you’ve “read” me for quite awhile – do you really think I’m not CAPABLE, especially at this age? Man, I came from and was taught by the BEST! I can run a household with my eyes closed!LOL!!

Plus, all you have to do is observe how I take care of my OWN laundry in my OWN home to see – don’t need a dress rehersal! I doubt very seriously if this is leading much to the high divorce rate! But there are just some things I draw the line on and I ain’t washing yo dirty drawers till we’s married or at least the fee-on-say!!!LOL!!!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

ARED – Imma let that one go…

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

as there’s a womanly feel to it

Another topic idea WiseDiva. Especially being that so many don’t need or desire the feeling of being womanly to be connected with the association with a man.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

@ Wings – *shrugs*

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:46 pm

I meant to add to that last post that we are Woman because we came from the place near the MAN’s heart.

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:47 pm

MY2 – AMEN! Life is short to be faking anything!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:47 pm

My2 you dubbed it right…I think it’s Ms. Main would say, ‘Do the necessary.’

I agree here as well —->Hardly anything faux works for me. Don’t like:
Fake People
Fake Leather
Fake Feelings

Notice I took out “fake monikers.” While I don’t take that approach anymore, I’m sort of did it as wanting to say what I had without the hoopla surrounded by “this person said that” not so much hiding or throwing rock and then hiding. Just wanted to state my case, opinions, feelings and keep it moving. But I do understand not being able or wanting to have dialog when you can be talking to 6 different people (lurkers). Can’t really get meat of a discussion.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:48 pm

“TO THE MEAT…” is what I meant… I need to proofread before submitting

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:48 pm

No one is disputing the woman’s desire or instinct of taking care of their man or their families.

melo seems to think that a man shouldn’t know how to take care of things like laundry or cooking, especially if a woman is present.

My point that mentality is over, he’s not the only one working outside the home, his wife is too. I would hope he’d be more open mined about contributing to the domestic duties as well, but certainly not KNOCKING a man for knowing how to cook and do laundry.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:49 pm

Dan did you know this —–> I meant to add to that last post that we are Woman because we came from the place near the MAN’s heart

I kid I kid…just messing witcha

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:51 pm

True Amazon but read what aggwitty wrote. Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:51 pm

I like it Agg Witt, a lot. LOL @ Raqi, I will patiently wait on that!

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:52 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties

Yup.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:53 pm

Raqi We should talk womanly one day…I gamed for that. That’s why I mentioned before not shaving….down there. Part of my womanhood. I want him to know it’s alllll woman down there. Never bothers me and I’m good at keeping/staying cleansed…but yeah, that’s another day.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:53 pm

Well Keith, honey, just about all the blog topics can be categorized as drivel! ha! I think that all the questions you posed are great, valid ones. Wish you chimed in early in the day! Maybe we can use the last hour to discuss them?

Dan

October 5th, 2009
3:54 pm

@Kimmie

Melo kinda has a point.

For all the “show and prove” we speak on in this camp, how you not gone love ya man enuff to wash his derty draws? Really?

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:54 pm

I’m not doing any of the man’s duties. I’ll contract it out, but I’m not doing it.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:55 pm

And you know what Amazon there are a lot of men I bet that will be willing to trade with you. They cook while you mow the lawn out in the hot sun.

But as for me, I’ll take the cooking and laundry anyday over mowing the lawn and washing the car.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

Raqi – Yup. Especially if we were better at those things.

MY point however, is i’m tired of men thinking women have certain or MORE responsibilities at home when the whole domestic goddess concept was designed when men did the working outside and the woman inside the home. Since now women are working too, I absolutely believe they should be shared, just as they both share in bringing home the bacon.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

KIMMIE..i absolutely have no doubt about ur capability…..

I just think that some of these younger females have taken that mantra of “not doing such and such,untill i have a ring on me” to a whole nother wrong level,much like the ‘Independent’ slogan.
If u luv smebody,u can do anything in the name of luv 4 them,u dont need a ring to show appreciation and luv.
Just be real.
If i luved a chic,she was at my house,i was at hers,she was around my pple,i was around hers and then that way,i was able to weed the chaff.If she cldnt handle some apsects of rrelating to me and my pple in a way i appreciated,then she was ghost.
That “no ring on my finger” slogan did not apply to me coz we were’nt sequestrated in a hole, whilst dating.We were as good as husband and wife.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

@ Ms.Main

And those are fine traits to have as it relates to you as a person :)

But I’m speaking from me.. i was giving a happy face to Amred’s post. I was brought up in a traditional household.. but I am by no means a traditional gal… Maybe my thoughts will change when I become married but right now… I see no problem with a guy cooking, doing laundry, picking up the kids, setting the table, washing the kids up, or doing all the things that “women” normally do… Am I saying I wont do it, No, b/c I am doing it… I’m just saying a guy that can do the same things that I do and don’t expect me to do certain things b/c of my gender would prolly fair better with me :)

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:57 pm

“I like it Agg Witt, a lot”

thats what she said *badoom tish*

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:58 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry?

Raqi/Aggwitty – I personally believe each spouse should, on the regular, do their strong suit. But be WILLING and ABLE to pinch hit should the need arise. For example, cooking is my passion and strong suit, but I am very capable of mowing the lawn, washing the car & painting not only the deck but the whole house(done it before). If my SO could not for some reason handle those other tasks, I can and will do them, happily. I have seen this setup in some very “traditional” marriages, even if both did not work. For example, you could not get more traditional than my grandparents, but my grandfather did all the mopping of floors and grandmama took care of the bills. One of my uncles did all the cooking – auntie only cooked on Sundays.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
3:58 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

As long as I do not have to mop I am good. I will mow the lawn or paint the deck. He can mop and do the dishes I like being outdoors anyway. I

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:59 pm

Tazzee I’m with you. I would rather have to do that stuff. It’s man’s work and they can have it.

I imagine a lot of women will say they wouldn’t mind trading out with the man, that is until they are actually having to do it.

Living by yourself and doing it all does not count. It’s all yours to do. But when there is a man and a woman in the house, things get delegated.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:01 pm

That’s why I mentioned before not shaving….down there

Ms Main?? i didnt hear what u said….. :lol:

u think i like ur profile??

surprise me! :lol:

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
4:01 pm

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:02 pm

But Amazon we call certain duties “manly”. What’s the difference?

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:03 pm

I one of my past relationships, we actually shared all of the duties.We cooked and cleaned up together. We folded laundry together. We did the yard work together – (I drove the riding mower while he used the push mower, edger and hedge trimmer.)

It just worked out for us like that.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:04 pm

Dan – Love ain’t got nothing to do with it. If he was somehow incapacitated and could not care for himself, I would be all in. But some things I will do only as a wife. I see it as a minor thing in the whole scheme of things, yet very symbolic to me. Like combining of finances, this is just one of those things you won’t get till you put a ring on my finger. And I am an extremely domesticated woman and I love pampering my man. I’m just uncomfortable playing the complete “wife” role without the papers. And that is me & my world. SO does not have a problem with it either.

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

@ARed, you now darn well I wasn’t calling you twisted even though you didn’t understand what I was saying.

@Lurker, stop starting trouble.

@PoppaG ~ sorry to hear about the loss of two of your friends. Stay strong for yourself and for the family members of those suffering.

Back to work (I know I don’t do this often)!

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

Exactly, MyTwo. Yep, yep!

I personally believe each spouse should, on the regular, do their strong suit. But be WILLING and ABLE to pinch hit should the need arise.

I agree with this ^^^ here!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

Dream_n….actually I wasn’t knocking your stance. Just stating how I like to do it…

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:06 pm

But Amazon we call certain duties “manly”. What’s the difference?

What if you don’t have a deck, so it doesn’t need painting? What if you take your car to the car wash? What if you don’t have a lawn to mow?

Again, my point is that if both parties are working, the domestic responsibities should be shared, no matter what they are. Go with your strong suit. Most likely a woman will be doing a larger share of the cooking and cleaning. My POINT is that telling a guy he should never be near a stove or washer is just silly.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:07 pm

****For example, you could not get more traditional than my grandparents, but my grandfather did all the mopping of floors****

Now that is what I am talking about!

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:07 pm

@ Professor

that’s funny.. Why no mop???

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

@ARed, you now darn well I wasn’t calling you twisted even though you didn’t understand what I was saying.

I know you weren’t calling me twisted and also knew what you were saying. I just happened to disagree. I found it pathetic that one was trolling for azz on the internet, even said in jest. Didn’t consider it for one second.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

I have seen this setup in some very “traditional” marriages, even if both did not work.

Meant to say “even if WIFE did not work”! Need to proofread!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

Melodrama…that was during a discussion…posting under lurker. But yeah, think some folks was talking about going to the spa and I commented that I like all my femininity….member?

The rest of your post…I didn’t get (profile? surprise me?) but I’m not asking either. I should have known you’d chime in.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

kimmie – I liked your 4:04. It is for those very reasons that I personally will not live with someone until “ringed” (although have had several…okay more than several offers). There is a certin implid “Commitment” that to me does not become real until the ceremony. Oddly enough I am not talking about running around either because frankly when I am in a relationship, I am IN a relationship. But when it comes to the other things, money, chores, etc., those are reserved for marriage.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

Now I could drive the riding mower… ;-)

But I would prefer to do the duties that are traditionally female. My fiance’ does most of the cooking for us though. I actually washing and folding up clothes – it’s relaxing for me. Same with washing dishes, it relaxes me. But that might change when I go from washing dishes for one approx 3 times a week to washing dishes for three every day…

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

Professor before my dad got sick he ALWAYS mopped, vacuumed and cleaned the bathrooms. Cooking? He couldn’t hit a lick in the kitchen. He never had a problem cleaning though.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:12 pm

A Red, I agree with your 3:56 with just the barter on what one might want to do more of. It is all give and take…or should be.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:12 pm

Dream_n I just don’t like to mop and I am crazy enough to buy all of these gadgets that are suppose to make mopping easier.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:13 pm

My parents were way more traditional than my grandparents. My mom stayed at home, my dad worked. My dad didn’t do much around the house. That’s how I got so handy. :lol:

My grandmother has two master’s degrees. Had her children while she was getting them. When my grandfather would complain about being hungry, she told him he’d better learn to cook. :lol: He did.

Even today, he will not go to sleep unless he’s done the dishes. Sometimes he does them at 3 am. He’s 84 years old. :lol:

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:14 pm

What if you don’t have a deck, so it doesn’t need painting? What if you take your car to the car wash? What if you don’t have a lawn to mow?

Amazon common sense will tell you that the arrangements would be made around the things there are to do. I just used examples.

Whatever the duties may consist of the more strenuous, muscle binding duties usually fall to the man.

Yes mopping would/could be one of the those.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:14 pm

Dream_n….actually I wasn’t knocking your stance. Just stating how I like to do it…

i didnt think that at all Ms.Main.. from your post I wouldn’t consider you one to judge or bash someone else’s opinions…

I was just trying to give some examples of my stance on the subject :)

William

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

On my last date I started kissing her and my hands began to explore. She abruptly grabbed my hands and said she was not that kind of girl. I started the car and she asked where were we going. I told her I was taking her home because I was not that kind of boy.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

It is for those very reasons that I personally will not live with someone until “ringed”

Randy – Me too!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

@Raqi – re: “Living by yourself and doing it all does not count. It’s all yours to do. But when there is a man and a woman in the house, things get delegated”.

Well stated…as usual.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:16 pm

Amazon common sense will tell you that the arrangements would be made around the things there are to do

Raqi – Duh. Been saying that for the last few posts.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:16 pm

@Ms. Main I like that I think it is important to divide out the chores along the lines of who is better at what, instead of gender. If I had to do all of the housework there will be an invoice from the housekeeper every month added to the overhead.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
4:18 pm

@alice the goon!

you wish you could be me…..lol…..you hate so hard because i am free to be me and your not….but i am here to tell you its ok…to have casual sex and swallow…try it….i dont know how you go thru life wrapped up so tight….

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:20 pm

I know that for most females,esp those of u in ur 20s and early 30s,ur opinions on marriage and what u wont do or and will do will change drastically by the time u reach, say 38 or when u meet a guy that wets ur nikkas really bad.

So ur sassy moufs dont really surprise me children.
I jus wish i wld be invited to ur weddings and anniversaries tho.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:22 pm

Melo – To your 3:56, I do agree some take the “I’m not doing this and this” too far and it’s not always the youngsters either. Some have this prima dona thing going and that mess is not cute. My mom used to hate that. That’s the main reason she made sure my brothers could do the basics for themselves – she said they don’t make em like her much anymore! That also goes for the chauvanistic, controlling-type guys that are capable of doing some things, but won’t cause that’s all they think a woman is for – to pick up after them!

Willie Dynamite

October 5th, 2009
4:23 pm

Regardless of who does what I’m not mopping. Period point blank.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:23 pm

ur opinions on marriage and what u wont do or and will do will change drastically by the time u reach, say 38 or when u meet a guy that wets ur nikkas really bad

But melo, some of the ones who’ve said they wouldn’t do the “manly” duties are have reached 38 and beyond and are married or engaged.

Some of the ones who are willing to do the “manly” duties, are in their early 30s.

Are you knocking us for being open minded? :lol:

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:25 pm

My list of what I don’t do before marriage has grown since I was in my 20’s. Kimmie – I tend to believe along the lines of what you have posted.

Because if I were to go back to the past relationship where we split duties, I would not have done all of that at his place. I would have spent more time at my place and living my life instead of being an extra in his.

And I say extra because although he enjoyed the wife-type benefits that I provided but never gave me the starring role.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:26 pm

So ur sassy moufs dont really surprise me children.

Please melo.. Just because some people have different opinions about a subject does not equate immaturity…
Contrary to popular beliefe YOUR opnion about every subject is not the gospel to everyone….

It kills me sometimes when older people think they know how to rule, when to rule, why its there, why it isn’t, please sometimes you sound just as ignorant the BLACK INTELLECT the other day…. SMDH

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:27 pm

Professor…it’s was almost natural for him…mopping that is…sometimes he’d mop around you, never saying excuse me or can you move…lol But yep, everyday. He’d come home, get out of work clothes and start cleaning.

Dream_n…not at all sweetie. I can dig.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:28 pm

And I say extra because although he enjoyed the wife-type benefits that I provided but never gave me the starring role.

SCool – See, I’ve BEEN there too! Not a good feeling – never again!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:29 pm

While we talk about man’s work and woman’s work and it all be sorta, kinda true, no one saying that it is okay for one person to do all of something while the other do all of nothing.

Hell if you live in an apartment there is no outside work to be done. Share the work that you have to do.

Yes Ms. Main we have to talk about that some day. I like being girly and soft. And doing the girly and soft things.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:30 pm

But melo, some of the ones who’ve said they wouldn’t do the “manly” duties are have reached 38 and beyond and are married or engaged

which ones??

Im open minded too..to a point.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:30 pm

no one saying that it is okay for one person to do all of something while the other do all of nothing

Except melo, kinda. :lol:

melo – I know you cook sometimes and do laundry…don’t you? ;)

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:31 pm

Dream_n, i wld rather hear ur point than the labels.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:31 pm

which ones??

Tazzee and Raqi.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:32 pm

Even with Shthead, I played wifey and played mommy to his son and in the end, got played. (For which I take full responsibility, I chose bad and was slack on standards that I had set for myself.)

So…when it comes to all that playing house stuff, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Like I told someone recently, me cooking is NOT a regular thing. So don’t think you can always be coming over to my house to get a meal. It doesn’t quite work that way with me.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:33 pm

What is true, regardless of where everyone falls on this issue is that if things get way “out of balance” sooner or later resentment will set in. Bet the ranch on it!

The trick is to set up a system that works for both parties and then the really hard part…both keep their end of the bargain (this is where men really fall down unfortunately).

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:34 pm

I could be wrong, but as I read Melo it may be his culture. I know a few men from other cultures that will not touch anything deemed female work and their sons are being raised the same way. At the end of the day whatever makes a couple/family happy is what should be done.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:36 pm

melo – I know you cook sometimes

this wld be correct.

Laundry?? only when we used to live tgether in an aprtment.She wld do the seperation and the loads and meanwhile,send me to fetch the coins for the laundry machine.
Back at the aprtment,she wld dispatsh me with the loads and then i wld be in there,unpacking and packing and loading the washer and loading the drier, then taking the clothes back,smetimes on multiple trips.Normally during the evenings.

By then,Dinner is ready! :lol:

Nowadays,NO laundry anymore.She teaching the younger ones…
My wang has earned its keep,u can say!

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:37 pm

I played wifey and played mommy to his son and in the end, got played

One of my friends is doing this now. However, this is who she is and what she’s been waiting to do. She’ll even take his kids when he wants to do other things.

He’s seems like an upstanding guy, but I just hope it works out in her favor. She truly enjoys doing the cooking for the boy scouts and stuff like that. I do have to remind her (gently) that they still aren’t her kids tho so to be mindful of that. They do have a mom who I’m sure will be wondering why she’s trying to get replaced.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:39 pm

My wang has earned its keep,u can say

:lol:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:39 pm

I could be wrong, but as I read Melo it may be his culture.

Professor – I keep that in mind when I read Melo too. He gets a little bit of a pass for that.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:40 pm

Your wang or your wallet?

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:40 pm

Tazzee and Raqi.

Tazzee,she soft like cotton wool…see how she made hes doing the laundry!

Raqi,maybe u didnt read her well tday…but another thing,she married(#2) in her late 30s,so she doing in her 40s, what we did really,when our marriage was still kinda young.
Read my post above.
Soon, Mason will retire from that laundry stuff.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

Come on now, Melo…It makes me chuckle when I see certain posts make general statements about a group of folks based on their marital status, age and whatnot. I have said before on here, that a lot of folks continually spout off about what they think they won’t or will do in certain scenarios…that is until they are in it.

Heyal, I used to joke about how my mom got over, because I had so much down pat by the time I reached the age of thirteen, and not because she called herself grooming me for a man, just teaching me to be self sufficient and I’ve often told her how thankful I am for that. While on the other hand, my grandmother simply taught me that when you see a need (especially for someone you love and/or have deep concern about) you should (want to) pitch in and help. But I think I’ve always been that way.

Heyal, bottome line…if I’m in a serious relationship with someone (and I have been in the past)…I believe it’s just in me to want to “look out” for them in ways that I knew they’d truly appreciate. It’s just in me to show those I really care about and love, by taking initiative. And not because they’re expecting me to do it, it’s just who I am.

However, I’d appreciate the same. But I’m of the belief of “If you see there’s a need and I gotta ask you…well you know the rest (and vice versa).

mytw♥cents WWMY2D?

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

Skirts and pants… I wanna wear the skirt but I like lotsa the pants stuff. Ain’t wearing em if I ain’t gotta…

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

my wang!

I just fold it and watch sunday nite football.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:42 pm

Yes Ms. Main we have to talk about that some day. I like being girly and soft. And doing the girly and soft things.

It’s a date.

I dunno…I thought we were discussing the fair mixture and balance of taking care of one another and seeing to one another because you want to and because you feel connected enough to….to the point of meshing and and ebbing and flowing. Not from the stance of getting used and having someone take advantage of your giving qualities. I mean I don’t have a problem telling a mate no when you’re asking for more than what you’re willing to do.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:44 pm

Raqi – I actually love the girly stuff too. But for some strange reason I had a facination with cutting the grass!LOL!! Probably because my dad would not let me or my sister do it. When I got my own house, I actually would take pride mowing, edging, etc. I would get compliments from the neighbors and it would make them step it up a notch. Everyone wanted their lawn like mine. I got to be a lawn junkie! But now I am too busy, so the neighborhood kid does it.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:44 pm

melo – I wasn’t talking about the laundry. I was talking about the “manly duties” and Tazzee and Raqi said they wouldn’t want to do those.

Which flies in the face of your “only young singles talk about what they won’t do in marriage” theory.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:47 pm

I agree, Ms. Main. I should not have had to come to my conclusions as a result of a situation that I willingly signed up for. However, I signed up with the belief that these relationships were heading towards marriage. Never again will I allow the meshing and ebbing and flowing to occur without there being a greater understanding on my part of exactly what those intentions are.

That is all.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:51 pm

Ared,granted,my culture is diff to urs but even still,when i read Kimmie and Raqi, i still sense a lot of traditional stuff in their beliefs.
And maybe im biased but when i look at american culture in general,those with no traditional marriages or beliefs tend to have more problems(divorce etc) than those who do.Black or white.

Taking men outside their traditonal comfort zone will not work.Most of my black american male friends still pine for what we,in our african culture, still have..a semblence of traditionalism.

U all seem to have lost it here in america and there lies the reason for most of these divorce issues.

Kyle

October 5th, 2009
4:53 pm

I think you’re dating wussies and men who dont understand how to create attraction. Some guys get it, most don’t. If a man knows what he’s doing, he can have any woman chasing him and begging him to be in a relationship.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:53 pm

melo – nice way to back track. Again, there are plenty of people who are over 30 who can say with releative confidence what they aren’t equipped to do in a marriage. Period.

And you’ve lived here for several DECADES. Stop trying to act like you aren’t apart of american culture dude. :lol:

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:54 pm

I thought infidelity was the cause of most divorces, not tweeking the “traditional” roles of marriage, but I could be wrong…

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:55 pm

Melo Re: 4:51

I strongly suspect there is a lot of truth in what you wrote here based on my own observations over the years. One problem though is that so many women work outside the home these days and while men like that extra $$$ one can’t have it both ways…take the money or the tradition, then live with one’s decision and don’t biotch about it.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:56 pm

I miss u Ared,what am i backtracking on….

culture wise,im a hybrid,u cld say!

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
4:56 pm

@Dream_n, money and sex ranks high as reasons for divorce.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:57 pm

melo – nevermind sweetie. If you didn’t get my 4:53 you simply didn’t.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:57 pm

SexyCool My post was actually from reading the won’ts, can’ts, will nots, and shouldn’t haves…from everyone. But I will say, I don’t think it diminishes you as a person in you saying ——> However, I signed up with the belief that these relationships were heading towards marriage.

Love is 100% not 50/50. So, yeah, sometimes we do go all in, not knowing we’re riding solo. I’ve been there and I’m more than certain everybody has experienced it at least once. That was a jab chick.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:58 pm

Correction Leggs “lack of” money and “lack of” sex rank high as reasons for divorce!!! LOL

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
5:01 pm

that “WASN’T” a jab…. I need to go home and start over tomorrow

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
5:03 pm

…and I’mma say this

It kills me when folks acknowledge that there indeed is somebody for everybody…additionally recognizing that every man or woman may not be in sync with your way of getting it done, but the same folks will turn around and question you and your tactics if you don’t “do it like Will & Jada”. Heyal, first off…Will was obviously in the market to “buy” what Jada was “selling” and Jada in turn agreed to “follow” his lead. That’s them.

But how do folks turn around and have the nerve to question why “Fred Sandford” would rather wait for Elizabeth instead of getting his very own “Jada”. Heyal, he’s obviously content with how Elizabeth rolls…even if that chick only cooks & cleans Monday – Wednesday and only “smucks” Fred’s brains out Thurs & Friday.

He’s cool. She’s cool. They’re cool. But folks steady questioning….

sigh… Good night.

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
5:05 pm

@RandyT, I started to post “lack thereof” but thought it was obvious. I don’t know of anyone who asked for a divorce because there was too much sex and too much money!

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
5:05 pm

Oh and Jamoca, Jada once stated in an interview that she’s never done the cooking. And remember she wasn’t always rich and famous either.

That one just tickles me when a guy states a woman “must” cook and then mention Will and Jada as some type of prototype. LOL

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
5:06 pm

@ Ms. Main

I need to take your advice from last week and miss a day or two to catch up on some work..lol

@ Randt: lol funny!

i say regardless of everyone’s opinion.. whether we agree, disagree, or agree to disagree. Whatever works for you and your S/O…. Some people are traditional and some are not…as long as the house is clean.. food is kept on the table… kids are clean..everything is all good no matter who has to take on the respobsibility :)

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
5:06 pm

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
5:07 pm

Jamoca

Took the words right out of my mouth!!! :)

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
5:08 pm

dream_n I second your 5:06…I think quite a few folks can back away from the keyboard for a couple of days…lol

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
5:08 pm

Hey, I’m finished working…where’s everyone going. I want to play! Aww shucks, I’m left on the playground all by myself.

Gheeghee

October 5th, 2009
5:12 pm

I have never, ever been able to nor could i EVER fake chemistry. Which to me, is THE most important criteria. Everybody has their own personality quirks, which are revealed over time, and I can accept those. The second thing is that I cannot fake knowing whether or not we both want the same thing…other than spending more time together, Over time, I can see whether or not we want to work on the relationship and bring each other deerp into each other’s lives by being emotionally vulnerable. But sometimes you don’t need to say anything. When the relationship has “jumped the shark” and neither of us want to “hurt” the other, we just naturally spend less time sharing and time together. I have found that although we can start out wanting the same thing, over time, one of us may change his/her mind. I only want to be with people who want to spend time with me. I completely agree that “Life is too short”…