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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

Now I could drive the riding mower… ;-)

But I would prefer to do the duties that are traditionally female. My fiance’ does most of the cooking for us though. I actually washing and folding up clothes – it’s relaxing for me. Same with washing dishes, it relaxes me. But that might change when I go from washing dishes for one approx 3 times a week to washing dishes for three every day…

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

Professor before my dad got sick he ALWAYS mopped, vacuumed and cleaned the bathrooms. Cooking? He couldn’t hit a lick in the kitchen. He never had a problem cleaning though.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:12 pm

A Red, I agree with your 3:56 with just the barter on what one might want to do more of. It is all give and take…or should be.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:12 pm

Dream_n I just don’t like to mop and I am crazy enough to buy all of these gadgets that are suppose to make mopping easier.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:13 pm

My parents were way more traditional than my grandparents. My mom stayed at home, my dad worked. My dad didn’t do much around the house. That’s how I got so handy. :lol:

My grandmother has two master’s degrees. Had her children while she was getting them. When my grandfather would complain about being hungry, she told him he’d better learn to cook. :lol: He did.

Even today, he will not go to sleep unless he’s done the dishes. Sometimes he does them at 3 am. He’s 84 years old. :lol:

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:14 pm

What if you don’t have a deck, so it doesn’t need painting? What if you take your car to the car wash? What if you don’t have a lawn to mow?

Amazon common sense will tell you that the arrangements would be made around the things there are to do. I just used examples.

Whatever the duties may consist of the more strenuous, muscle binding duties usually fall to the man.

Yes mopping would/could be one of the those.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:14 pm

Dream_n….actually I wasn’t knocking your stance. Just stating how I like to do it…

i didnt think that at all Ms.Main.. from your post I wouldn’t consider you one to judge or bash someone else’s opinions…

I was just trying to give some examples of my stance on the subject :)

William

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

On my last date I started kissing her and my hands began to explore. She abruptly grabbed my hands and said she was not that kind of girl. I started the car and she asked where were we going. I told her I was taking her home because I was not that kind of boy.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

It is for those very reasons that I personally will not live with someone until “ringed”

Randy – Me too!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:15 pm

@Raqi – re: “Living by yourself and doing it all does not count. It’s all yours to do. But when there is a man and a woman in the house, things get delegated”.

Well stated…as usual.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:16 pm

Amazon common sense will tell you that the arrangements would be made around the things there are to do

Raqi – Duh. Been saying that for the last few posts.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:16 pm

@Ms. Main I like that I think it is important to divide out the chores along the lines of who is better at what, instead of gender. If I had to do all of the housework there will be an invoice from the housekeeper every month added to the overhead.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
4:18 pm

@alice the goon!

you wish you could be me…..lol…..you hate so hard because i am free to be me and your not….but i am here to tell you its ok…to have casual sex and swallow…try it….i dont know how you go thru life wrapped up so tight….

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:20 pm

I know that for most females,esp those of u in ur 20s and early 30s,ur opinions on marriage and what u wont do or and will do will change drastically by the time u reach, say 38 or when u meet a guy that wets ur nikkas really bad.

So ur sassy moufs dont really surprise me children.
I jus wish i wld be invited to ur weddings and anniversaries tho.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:22 pm

Melo – To your 3:56, I do agree some take the “I’m not doing this and this” too far and it’s not always the youngsters either. Some have this prima dona thing going and that mess is not cute. My mom used to hate that. That’s the main reason she made sure my brothers could do the basics for themselves – she said they don’t make em like her much anymore! That also goes for the chauvanistic, controlling-type guys that are capable of doing some things, but won’t cause that’s all they think a woman is for – to pick up after them!

Willie Dynamite

October 5th, 2009
4:23 pm

Regardless of who does what I’m not mopping. Period point blank.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:23 pm

ur opinions on marriage and what u wont do or and will do will change drastically by the time u reach, say 38 or when u meet a guy that wets ur nikkas really bad

But melo, some of the ones who’ve said they wouldn’t do the “manly” duties are have reached 38 and beyond and are married or engaged.

Some of the ones who are willing to do the “manly” duties, are in their early 30s.

Are you knocking us for being open minded? :lol:

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:25 pm

My list of what I don’t do before marriage has grown since I was in my 20’s. Kimmie – I tend to believe along the lines of what you have posted.

Because if I were to go back to the past relationship where we split duties, I would not have done all of that at his place. I would have spent more time at my place and living my life instead of being an extra in his.

And I say extra because although he enjoyed the wife-type benefits that I provided but never gave me the starring role.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:26 pm

So ur sassy moufs dont really surprise me children.

Please melo.. Just because some people have different opinions about a subject does not equate immaturity…
Contrary to popular beliefe YOUR opnion about every subject is not the gospel to everyone….

It kills me sometimes when older people think they know how to rule, when to rule, why its there, why it isn’t, please sometimes you sound just as ignorant the BLACK INTELLECT the other day…. SMDH

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:27 pm

Professor…it’s was almost natural for him…mopping that is…sometimes he’d mop around you, never saying excuse me or can you move…lol But yep, everyday. He’d come home, get out of work clothes and start cleaning.

Dream_n…not at all sweetie. I can dig.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:28 pm

And I say extra because although he enjoyed the wife-type benefits that I provided but never gave me the starring role.

SCool – See, I’ve BEEN there too! Not a good feeling – never again!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:29 pm

While we talk about man’s work and woman’s work and it all be sorta, kinda true, no one saying that it is okay for one person to do all of something while the other do all of nothing.

Hell if you live in an apartment there is no outside work to be done. Share the work that you have to do.

Yes Ms. Main we have to talk about that some day. I like being girly and soft. And doing the girly and soft things.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:30 pm

But melo, some of the ones who’ve said they wouldn’t do the “manly” duties are have reached 38 and beyond and are married or engaged

which ones??

Im open minded too..to a point.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:30 pm

no one saying that it is okay for one person to do all of something while the other do all of nothing

Except melo, kinda. :lol:

melo – I know you cook sometimes and do laundry…don’t you? ;)

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:31 pm

Dream_n, i wld rather hear ur point than the labels.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:31 pm

which ones??

Tazzee and Raqi.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:32 pm

Even with Shthead, I played wifey and played mommy to his son and in the end, got played. (For which I take full responsibility, I chose bad and was slack on standards that I had set for myself.)

So…when it comes to all that playing house stuff, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Like I told someone recently, me cooking is NOT a regular thing. So don’t think you can always be coming over to my house to get a meal. It doesn’t quite work that way with me.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:33 pm

What is true, regardless of where everyone falls on this issue is that if things get way “out of balance” sooner or later resentment will set in. Bet the ranch on it!

The trick is to set up a system that works for both parties and then the really hard part…both keep their end of the bargain (this is where men really fall down unfortunately).

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:34 pm

I could be wrong, but as I read Melo it may be his culture. I know a few men from other cultures that will not touch anything deemed female work and their sons are being raised the same way. At the end of the day whatever makes a couple/family happy is what should be done.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:36 pm

melo – I know you cook sometimes

this wld be correct.

Laundry?? only when we used to live tgether in an aprtment.She wld do the seperation and the loads and meanwhile,send me to fetch the coins for the laundry machine.
Back at the aprtment,she wld dispatsh me with the loads and then i wld be in there,unpacking and packing and loading the washer and loading the drier, then taking the clothes back,smetimes on multiple trips.Normally during the evenings.

By then,Dinner is ready! :lol:

Nowadays,NO laundry anymore.She teaching the younger ones…
My wang has earned its keep,u can say!

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:37 pm

I played wifey and played mommy to his son and in the end, got played

One of my friends is doing this now. However, this is who she is and what she’s been waiting to do. She’ll even take his kids when he wants to do other things.

He’s seems like an upstanding guy, but I just hope it works out in her favor. She truly enjoys doing the cooking for the boy scouts and stuff like that. I do have to remind her (gently) that they still aren’t her kids tho so to be mindful of that. They do have a mom who I’m sure will be wondering why she’s trying to get replaced.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:39 pm

My wang has earned its keep,u can say

:lol:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:39 pm

I could be wrong, but as I read Melo it may be his culture.

Professor – I keep that in mind when I read Melo too. He gets a little bit of a pass for that.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:40 pm

Your wang or your wallet?

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:40 pm

Tazzee and Raqi.

Tazzee,she soft like cotton wool…see how she made hes doing the laundry!

Raqi,maybe u didnt read her well tday…but another thing,she married(#2) in her late 30s,so she doing in her 40s, what we did really,when our marriage was still kinda young.
Read my post above.
Soon, Mason will retire from that laundry stuff.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

Come on now, Melo…It makes me chuckle when I see certain posts make general statements about a group of folks based on their marital status, age and whatnot. I have said before on here, that a lot of folks continually spout off about what they think they won’t or will do in certain scenarios…that is until they are in it.

Heyal, I used to joke about how my mom got over, because I had so much down pat by the time I reached the age of thirteen, and not because she called herself grooming me for a man, just teaching me to be self sufficient and I’ve often told her how thankful I am for that. While on the other hand, my grandmother simply taught me that when you see a need (especially for someone you love and/or have deep concern about) you should (want to) pitch in and help. But I think I’ve always been that way.

Heyal, bottome line…if I’m in a serious relationship with someone (and I have been in the past)…I believe it’s just in me to want to “look out” for them in ways that I knew they’d truly appreciate. It’s just in me to show those I really care about and love, by taking initiative. And not because they’re expecting me to do it, it’s just who I am.

However, I’d appreciate the same. But I’m of the belief of “If you see there’s a need and I gotta ask you…well you know the rest (and vice versa).

mytw♥cents WWMY2D?

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

Skirts and pants… I wanna wear the skirt but I like lotsa the pants stuff. Ain’t wearing em if I ain’t gotta…

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:41 pm

my wang!

I just fold it and watch sunday nite football.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:42 pm

Yes Ms. Main we have to talk about that some day. I like being girly and soft. And doing the girly and soft things.

It’s a date.

I dunno…I thought we were discussing the fair mixture and balance of taking care of one another and seeing to one another because you want to and because you feel connected enough to….to the point of meshing and and ebbing and flowing. Not from the stance of getting used and having someone take advantage of your giving qualities. I mean I don’t have a problem telling a mate no when you’re asking for more than what you’re willing to do.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:44 pm

Raqi – I actually love the girly stuff too. But for some strange reason I had a facination with cutting the grass!LOL!! Probably because my dad would not let me or my sister do it. When I got my own house, I actually would take pride mowing, edging, etc. I would get compliments from the neighbors and it would make them step it up a notch. Everyone wanted their lawn like mine. I got to be a lawn junkie! But now I am too busy, so the neighborhood kid does it.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:44 pm

melo – I wasn’t talking about the laundry. I was talking about the “manly duties” and Tazzee and Raqi said they wouldn’t want to do those.

Which flies in the face of your “only young singles talk about what they won’t do in marriage” theory.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:47 pm

I agree, Ms. Main. I should not have had to come to my conclusions as a result of a situation that I willingly signed up for. However, I signed up with the belief that these relationships were heading towards marriage. Never again will I allow the meshing and ebbing and flowing to occur without there being a greater understanding on my part of exactly what those intentions are.

That is all.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:51 pm

Ared,granted,my culture is diff to urs but even still,when i read Kimmie and Raqi, i still sense a lot of traditional stuff in their beliefs.
And maybe im biased but when i look at american culture in general,those with no traditional marriages or beliefs tend to have more problems(divorce etc) than those who do.Black or white.

Taking men outside their traditonal comfort zone will not work.Most of my black american male friends still pine for what we,in our african culture, still have..a semblence of traditionalism.

U all seem to have lost it here in america and there lies the reason for most of these divorce issues.

Kyle

October 5th, 2009
4:53 pm

I think you’re dating wussies and men who dont understand how to create attraction. Some guys get it, most don’t. If a man knows what he’s doing, he can have any woman chasing him and begging him to be in a relationship.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:53 pm

melo – nice way to back track. Again, there are plenty of people who are over 30 who can say with releative confidence what they aren’t equipped to do in a marriage. Period.

And you’ve lived here for several DECADES. Stop trying to act like you aren’t apart of american culture dude. :lol:

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:54 pm

I thought infidelity was the cause of most divorces, not tweeking the “traditional” roles of marriage, but I could be wrong…

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:55 pm

Melo Re: 4:51

I strongly suspect there is a lot of truth in what you wrote here based on my own observations over the years. One problem though is that so many women work outside the home these days and while men like that extra $$$ one can’t have it both ways…take the money or the tradition, then live with one’s decision and don’t biotch about it.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:56 pm

I miss u Ared,what am i backtracking on….

culture wise,im a hybrid,u cld say!

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
4:56 pm

@Dream_n, money and sex ranks high as reasons for divorce.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:57 pm

melo – nevermind sweetie. If you didn’t get my 4:53 you simply didn’t.