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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Keith

October 5th, 2009
3:36 pm

What was the point of this drivel?

Are you asking us if it is OK to lie to yourself and others? Why would you continue to date someone without really knowing them or trying to know them? Perhaps you should ask — “Is it ok to be in a relationship where you make no effort to learn about the person you’re dating/sleeping with?” or perhaps you should be asking “Do I have an emotional problem where I continue to stay in relationships because they’re convenient because I don’t like to be alone and will date/be with any that fills that requirement?” Or maybe it’s just sex?

Because, after reading what you wrote, Wise Diva, that’s how it sounds to me.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:36 pm

Raqi – I am going to get a separate hamper for my delicates, that’s a good idea.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:37 pm

I think most people on here are real…our realities…like our experiences/perceptions are just different….

:idea:

Folks really get caught up in the matrix sometimes.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:37 pm

ya gotta put a ring on it first, budd

KIMMIE

No wonder the divorce rate in america is so high..
If there is no dress rehersal,hw do i know u are capable??

Thats why i wont,i mean, i wldnt allow the ‘no sex until marriage’ thing.
If im gonna wife u and u think u are capable,show me u can handle it.When u visit me at the crib for a weekend, i expect u to do wifey stuff for that weekend without me asking u too.
Otherwise, I bench u!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:38 pm

aggwitty we have actually tried to address the traditional expectations in the non-traditional settings. Folks like to pick and choose according to what’s convenient for them.

Yeah WiseDiva let’s talk about that again the way aggwitty phrased it. I may be able to help you with it. I will shoot you an email in a day or two. Or three. Or seven.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:38 pm

you will make a great s/o to s/o special

- i think so…i just have to get thru this..and be in the position to recieve that blessing again…i f* up my last one BIG TIME…i take full responsibility for that one…..FULL…

mytw♥cents WWMy2D?

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

Time is so precious and limited on this earth. I take the reference to men faking whole relationships to mean how they’ll let it coast along… she’ll be in a relationship with her d@mn self and he won’t bother to disabuse her of the notion. Cuz its easier than to confront the situation, address the issue and move forward. What fool would rather waste precious time being fake – especially under the flimsy premise of sparing someone’s feelings? Man or Woman up and say what needs to be said…I think it’s Ms. Main would say, ‘Do the necessary.’ Hardly anything faux works for me. Don’t like:
Fake People
Fake Leather
Fake Feelings
Fake Monikers

I don’t know how half the folks make it thru other folks’ quality control checks…if you hear the censors going off, the person cannot be authenticated. Why put up with a factory second?

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

Folks really get caught up in the matrix sometimes.

- yes i do ARED..thanks for pointing out yet again one of my crazy moments..where would i be with out your constant correction and ridicule..thanks again…your the perfect person…i strive to be as perfect as you!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:40 pm

DB- There is nothing like a made up mind (especially in matters of the heart). Good for you!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:42 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided

Dream_n While there are separate households in my case, I still like taking care of my SO as there’s a womanly feel to it…for me. I mean I don’t go over just to render maid service but while I’m there, I take care of him…and his needs and if I need a light bulb replaced, bug squashed insecticide for ants put down, doing a late run to the store, then that’s not a problem for him either.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:44 pm

Melo – Now you’ve “read” me for quite awhile – do you really think I’m not CAPABLE, especially at this age? Man, I came from and was taught by the BEST! I can run a household with my eyes closed!LOL!!

Plus, all you have to do is observe how I take care of my OWN laundry in my OWN home to see – don’t need a dress rehersal! I doubt very seriously if this is leading much to the high divorce rate! But there are just some things I draw the line on and I ain’t washing yo dirty drawers till we’s married or at least the fee-on-say!!!LOL!!!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

ARED – Imma let that one go…

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

as there’s a womanly feel to it

Another topic idea WiseDiva. Especially being that so many don’t need or desire the feeling of being womanly to be connected with the association with a man.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:45 pm

@ Wings – *shrugs*

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:46 pm

I meant to add to that last post that we are Woman because we came from the place near the MAN’s heart.

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:47 pm

MY2 – AMEN! Life is short to be faking anything!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:47 pm

My2 you dubbed it right…I think it’s Ms. Main would say, ‘Do the necessary.’

I agree here as well —->Hardly anything faux works for me. Don’t like:
Fake People
Fake Leather
Fake Feelings

Notice I took out “fake monikers.” While I don’t take that approach anymore, I’m sort of did it as wanting to say what I had without the hoopla surrounded by “this person said that” not so much hiding or throwing rock and then hiding. Just wanted to state my case, opinions, feelings and keep it moving. But I do understand not being able or wanting to have dialog when you can be talking to 6 different people (lurkers). Can’t really get meat of a discussion.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:48 pm

“TO THE MEAT…” is what I meant… I need to proofread before submitting

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:48 pm

No one is disputing the woman’s desire or instinct of taking care of their man or their families.

melo seems to think that a man shouldn’t know how to take care of things like laundry or cooking, especially if a woman is present.

My point that mentality is over, he’s not the only one working outside the home, his wife is too. I would hope he’d be more open mined about contributing to the domestic duties as well, but certainly not KNOCKING a man for knowing how to cook and do laundry.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:49 pm

Dan did you know this —–> I meant to add to that last post that we are Woman because we came from the place near the MAN’s heart

I kid I kid…just messing witcha

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:51 pm

True Amazon but read what aggwitty wrote. Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:51 pm

I like it Agg Witt, a lot. LOL @ Raqi, I will patiently wait on that!

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:52 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties

Yup.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:53 pm

Raqi We should talk womanly one day…I gamed for that. That’s why I mentioned before not shaving….down there. Part of my womanhood. I want him to know it’s alllll woman down there. Never bothers me and I’m good at keeping/staying cleansed…but yeah, that’s another day.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:53 pm

Well Keith, honey, just about all the blog topics can be categorized as drivel! ha! I think that all the questions you posed are great, valid ones. Wish you chimed in early in the day! Maybe we can use the last hour to discuss them?

Dan

October 5th, 2009
3:54 pm

@Kimmie

Melo kinda has a point.

For all the “show and prove” we speak on in this camp, how you not gone love ya man enuff to wash his derty draws? Really?

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:54 pm

I’m not doing any of the man’s duties. I’ll contract it out, but I’m not doing it.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:55 pm

And you know what Amazon there are a lot of men I bet that will be willing to trade with you. They cook while you mow the lawn out in the hot sun.

But as for me, I’ll take the cooking and laundry anyday over mowing the lawn and washing the car.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

Raqi – Yup. Especially if we were better at those things.

MY point however, is i’m tired of men thinking women have certain or MORE responsibilities at home when the whole domestic goddess concept was designed when men did the working outside and the woman inside the home. Since now women are working too, I absolutely believe they should be shared, just as they both share in bringing home the bacon.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

KIMMIE..i absolutely have no doubt about ur capability…..

I just think that some of these younger females have taken that mantra of “not doing such and such,untill i have a ring on me” to a whole nother wrong level,much like the ‘Independent’ slogan.
If u luv smebody,u can do anything in the name of luv 4 them,u dont need a ring to show appreciation and luv.
Just be real.
If i luved a chic,she was at my house,i was at hers,she was around my pple,i was around hers and then that way,i was able to weed the chaff.If she cldnt handle some apsects of rrelating to me and my pple in a way i appreciated,then she was ghost.
That “no ring on my finger” slogan did not apply to me coz we were’nt sequestrated in a hole, whilst dating.We were as good as husband and wife.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:56 pm

@ Ms.Main

And those are fine traits to have as it relates to you as a person :)

But I’m speaking from me.. i was giving a happy face to Amred’s post. I was brought up in a traditional household.. but I am by no means a traditional gal… Maybe my thoughts will change when I become married but right now… I see no problem with a guy cooking, doing laundry, picking up the kids, setting the table, washing the kids up, or doing all the things that “women” normally do… Am I saying I wont do it, No, b/c I am doing it… I’m just saying a guy that can do the same things that I do and don’t expect me to do certain things b/c of my gender would prolly fair better with me :)

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:57 pm

“I like it Agg Witt, a lot”

thats what she said *badoom tish*

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:58 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry?

Raqi/Aggwitty – I personally believe each spouse should, on the regular, do their strong suit. But be WILLING and ABLE to pinch hit should the need arise. For example, cooking is my passion and strong suit, but I am very capable of mowing the lawn, washing the car & painting not only the deck but the whole house(done it before). If my SO could not for some reason handle those other tasks, I can and will do them, happily. I have seen this setup in some very “traditional” marriages, even if both did not work. For example, you could not get more traditional than my grandparents, but my grandfather did all the mopping of floors and grandmama took care of the bills. One of my uncles did all the cooking – auntie only cooked on Sundays.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
3:58 pm

Will you be willing to take up the “man’s” duties (mowing the lawn, washing the car, painting the deck) while he cooked and did laundry? Since both parties work.

As long as I do not have to mop I am good. I will mow the lawn or paint the deck. He can mop and do the dishes I like being outdoors anyway. I

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:59 pm

Tazzee I’m with you. I would rather have to do that stuff. It’s man’s work and they can have it.

I imagine a lot of women will say they wouldn’t mind trading out with the man, that is until they are actually having to do it.

Living by yourself and doing it all does not count. It’s all yours to do. But when there is a man and a woman in the house, things get delegated.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
4:01 pm

That’s why I mentioned before not shaving….down there

Ms Main?? i didnt hear what u said….. :lol:

u think i like ur profile??

surprise me! :lol:

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
4:01 pm

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
4:02 pm

But Amazon we call certain duties “manly”. What’s the difference?

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
4:03 pm

I one of my past relationships, we actually shared all of the duties.We cooked and cleaned up together. We folded laundry together. We did the yard work together – (I drove the riding mower while he used the push mower, edger and hedge trimmer.)

It just worked out for us like that.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:04 pm

Dan – Love ain’t got nothing to do with it. If he was somehow incapacitated and could not care for himself, I would be all in. But some things I will do only as a wife. I see it as a minor thing in the whole scheme of things, yet very symbolic to me. Like combining of finances, this is just one of those things you won’t get till you put a ring on my finger. And I am an extremely domesticated woman and I love pampering my man. I’m just uncomfortable playing the complete “wife” role without the papers. And that is me & my world. SO does not have a problem with it either.

Leggs

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

@ARed, you now darn well I wasn’t calling you twisted even though you didn’t understand what I was saying.

@Lurker, stop starting trouble.

@PoppaG ~ sorry to hear about the loss of two of your friends. Stay strong for yourself and for the family members of those suffering.

Back to work (I know I don’t do this often)!

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

Exactly, MyTwo. Yep, yep!

I personally believe each spouse should, on the regular, do their strong suit. But be WILLING and ABLE to pinch hit should the need arise.

I agree with this ^^^ here!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:05 pm

Dream_n….actually I wasn’t knocking your stance. Just stating how I like to do it…

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:06 pm

But Amazon we call certain duties “manly”. What’s the difference?

What if you don’t have a deck, so it doesn’t need painting? What if you take your car to the car wash? What if you don’t have a lawn to mow?

Again, my point is that if both parties are working, the domestic responsibities should be shared, no matter what they are. Go with your strong suit. Most likely a woman will be doing a larger share of the cooking and cleaning. My POINT is that telling a guy he should never be near a stove or washer is just silly.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
4:07 pm

****For example, you could not get more traditional than my grandparents, but my grandfather did all the mopping of floors****

Now that is what I am talking about!

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
4:07 pm

@ Professor

that’s funny.. Why no mop???

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

@ARed, you now darn well I wasn’t calling you twisted even though you didn’t understand what I was saying.

I know you weren’t calling me twisted and also knew what you were saying. I just happened to disagree. I found it pathetic that one was trolling for azz on the internet, even said in jest. Didn’t consider it for one second.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

I have seen this setup in some very “traditional” marriages, even if both did not work.

Meant to say “even if WIFE did not work”! Need to proofread!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
4:08 pm

Melodrama…that was during a discussion…posting under lurker. But yeah, think some folks was talking about going to the spa and I commented that I like all my femininity….member?

The rest of your post…I didn’t get (profile? surprise me?) but I’m not asking either. I should have known you’d chime in.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
4:09 pm

kimmie – I liked your 4:04. It is for those very reasons that I personally will not live with someone until “ringed” (although have had several…okay more than several offers). There is a certin implid “Commitment” that to me does not become real until the ceremony. Oddly enough I am not talking about running around either because frankly when I am in a relationship, I am IN a relationship. But when it comes to the other things, money, chores, etc., those are reserved for marriage.