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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:43 pm

czBrat,what were ur reasons as far as the laundry and cooking were concerned,if u dont mind sharing??

..altho i agree with u that, in the main,no man shld be near those 2 items..laundry machine or stove.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:45 pm

no man shld be near those 2 items..laundry machine or stove

:roll:

lurker

October 5th, 2009
2:52 pm

They are first and foremost Sons, fathers, husbands, fiances and loved by those that knew them. That was a classless statement full of assumptions………but I will charge to your head (logic) and not to your heart.

AMEN SISTA! THAT DAYUM ARED! SMDH.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
2:54 pm

but because I didn’t explain myself, my ex-hubbs simply felt unappreciated.

BEEN THERE 2! TRAIN HIM AND HAVE FUN DOING IT.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

OK, Melo, seems silly now … but he didn’t sort the laundry by color and an item of mine was ruined AND …. he made BBQ ribs with spaghetti. Quite frankly I just thought that was way weird!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

Tazzee maybe once you two become a household you can decide who will do what.

You wash the laundry, he folds.

He cooks, you do the dishes.

And so on. LOL You just better hope he is not one that uses every pot, pan, spoon and spatula in the house just to cook a spinach and feta cheese omelet.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:55 pm

DanTechnically, it’s conceit to believe that God knows you, or for that matter, any of us. The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Ummm, like Raqi said….why would he not be? Seeing that my life and well-being lies in his hands, him being the captain of my soul, the ruler of the universe….he can have my back any day!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:56 pm

What’s up Jamoca

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:57 pm

tazz why not show him where he messed up versus dont do ish for me…thats how it came across….i mean maybe he never had to sort by care tag – i do….but most men dont..i learned the care tag thing in the marines…because if it does not come out right you will be back down there handwashing your stuff…lol i can turn 4 loads into 8..with that alone..so i feel you….

@melo…i cook, clean, wash/fold, etc…thats not new age..its called taking care of oneself

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
3:00 pm

i cook, clean, wash/fold, etc…thats not new age..its called taking care of oneself

u single buddy…but if u got a side babe,she can come over and do that for u too,if u dont mind!

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
3:01 pm

Dream_n Please someone take him to curch… unlss he does not believe in GOD. The comforting feeling that GOD thinks about you has nothing to do with being conceited…smh

Girl, I ain’t gon lie, sometimes I wonder how people advance as far as they have in life (I’m talking 30s and 40s) and never know to whom honor should be given. I’m SMH too. WOW

Dan

October 5th, 2009
3:02 pm

@Raqi/ Ms. Main

My point is that there is a conceit in believing that a being that is omnipotent knows you (as an individual).

I’m not speaking on doctrine, moreso the logic of it

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:02 pm

late in teh day to chime in on this topic but it does hit a nerve for me on several levels.

I generally do somewhat fake it. There, it is out there now. I do this when ladies are in the “maybe, but not sure” range. I want to give it enough time to start feeling something or feeling nothing (usually when I find myself NOT looking forward to calling or going out).

I almost always know after only one or two dates whether I want to pursue it…then comes the hard part, the “extraction” as they called it in the Army.

I am a serial monogamous…I like having ONE woman at a time. Does this mean I stay long after the feeling is gone…only in my marriage, not in relationships. Truthfully, once I COMMIT, I COMMIT. At that point I have gathered enough information to say, I want this woman in my life and I will do MY part to make it work.

Now if I can just find the perfect woman who doesn’t have an ex hanging out there somewhere realizing what he left in his last pasture.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:06 pm

czBrat – yes, I told him why. The thing is, we’ve talked about this before. I guess he was bored or something. Actually I know he was trying to help me out, I was working some crazy hours last week. He even called me at work and said “Don’t be upset but I washed a load of clothes” but he said he only washed some t-shirts, so I thought it was just my workout clothes.

Raqi – we’ve already discussed those types of roles, but for some reason he won’t let me have the washing.

What’s funny is we almost got into an argument because he tried to say I needed a better sorting procedure. I was ‘this close’ to saying “No, you just need to leave my clothes alone like I’ve asked” – but he sounded so apologetic, I agreed to show him how I do it…. But I’m still going to make sure I don’t leave him alone in the house with clothes in the hamper – at least none of my delicates.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:09 pm

Just read some of the previous posts re: men, laundry, and cooking.

I cook very well thank you and am pretty good at it…especially Italian. Kind of challenged re cooking while not making a mess.

I have been known to wash whites with colors and PAID the price, reds do not wash out well so I have had to decide whether I was confident in my manhood enough to wear pink (maybe more than once).

I have been known to not read the lady and fugg up a really nice wool something, so neutral on a washing machine.

Am totally ironing challenged, but as long as that nice little Asian gal will wash and iron my shirts for $1.25, I have a much more exceptable alternative to me and the GE steam iron.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:09 pm

LOL!! Tazzee, that’s kinda cute & funny (but I know you’re serious about your duds). Sounds like you’re gonna have to start keeping your dirty laundry in the trunk of your car :o

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:12 pm

meant to say “label” not “lady” in “read the l…”

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:12 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf. :D

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:13 pm

@ Randyt.. Your posts in relation to relationships always put me in a somber mood.. lol…… maybe its just me :)

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:13 pm

LOL @ no man near the stove, meanwhile the best chefs on earth are men.

Wise Diva

October 5th, 2009
3:14 pm

RandyT, I appreciate your candor.

I think the topic was probably framed incorrectly, was it the fake orgasm quote that threw you off? LOL! J/K

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:16 pm

Tazzee I have a separate hamper for my delicates. Maybe you could try that. Tell him he can wash everything ABC hamper but leave XYZ for you to take care of. Maybe that will help.

But I am still LMBO.

You situation is about like I was saying last week about putting the dishes in the dishwasher. I appreciate it even though I have to stop the machine and rearrange the dishes so that they will get cleaned properly.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:17 pm

my laundry/cooking incident with the ex was in my early 20’s. i think now (40’s) most men have had to learn their way around domestic chores so i’m cool with letting him handle as much as he can handle.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

my ex wife was anal about the laundry. She got really POed if I did not do it exactly the way she did, ordered me away from the laundry room, and then added that to the list of things “she had to do because I didn’t”…funny how yard work, cleaning up dishes, getting up with the babies, and all of that other shyte never seemed to get figured into the equation.

(Man if I start thinking about my marriage much, I’ll NEVER put my foot back into the water…it really sucked. I need to think this through about whether I want that kind of angst in my life period…you women are nice much of the time, but those other times make it questionable, LOL)

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

i do my best life planning while cooking…i am in a trance when i cook…i am one of the people that actually like to watch the food cook…lol…i drink while i cook and most time i bake at the same time…and when i was married i would have samples out for tasting…cooking is a big thing for me…i look forward to it…i am thinking what can i cook when i get home on this rainy day…lol

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:18 pm

My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf.

:) :) :) :) :)

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:19 pm

@Rell – I actually like what I’m hearing in you today……I’m glad you had a good date:)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

but if u got a side babe,she can come over and do that for u too,if u dont mind!

Melo – Side babe may not appreciate being expected to be treated like wifey – ya gotta put a ring on it first, buddy!LOL!! I cook cause I love to, so whomever I date benefits from that. But laundry is only done for SPOUSES!

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

he may cook, he may launder, he may even mop but he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:20 pm

LOL aggwitty you are correct.

I wish my marido would offer to cook more. I welcome it.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:22 pm

he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

:lol: :idea:

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:23 pm

he may cook, he may launder, he may even mop but he STILL has to kill the bug!!!!

Now you’re really preaching there :lol: :lol: :lol:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:23 pm

Hey WD …tried several times but it is hard for me to fake an orgasm. Women can always tell because I don’t yell and scream near as loudly when I am faking it ;-)

Dream n … Don’t mean to depress ya Hon…I just am somewhat of a deep thinker (which has gotten me into trouble in relationships sometimes, LOL).

Willie Dynamite

October 5th, 2009
3:24 pm

Rell – 3:18 is me all the way. I’m even so bad that if I taste something good at a restaurant I’ll go and try to duplicate at home.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

*My man may not have to worry about the stove or the washer if he did all the working and I stayed at home while he provided. Other than that, the dryer sheets are on the top shelf.*

Wise, this should maybe be a topic. Expecting traditional gender roles in non traditional arrangements. Is it fair to expect for the woman to be the only one responsible for cooking and cleaing if both parties work? conversely, is it fair to expect the man to be the only one cutting grass/taking out trash if both parties work?

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

I’m even so bad that if I taste something good at a restaurant I’ll go and try to duplicate at home.

:D Bet the wife really appreciates that too.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:26 pm

@wings..again i just clown and blow of steam…if no one else is going to be REAL then why should i……but i have said this before..but thank you

@raqi…yea i like that solutions…thats what marriage is about solutions not arguments

@tazz – he is not always going to do or say the right things – all things should not lead to potentail arguements ……those lil flairs up are just time wasters, whenever i find myself in those situations…i knew it was time for some space…you prolly need a good girls night out or a trip..the culture shift you are about to experience is alot bigger than you think at this time….

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

Simply maintaining, Ms. Main…and keeping myself extremely busy (like I need extra ish to that…my girls to a fine job of that already). I wonder sometimes how I actually make time to stop and breathe.

Now as for doing laundry, cooking…and/or just being domesticated. Heck, these little girls have got that laundry on lock…from seperating, to temperature setting, to how much laundry detergent per load…you name it. And if by chance, they come across a piece of clothing that they’re unsure of…even after looking at the tag, I advise them to simply open their mouths and ask. But usually delicates, Dry Clean Only items are not thrown in the same hamper along with usual items. That way, less confusion and less questions asked.

I just always thought any grown person should know how to perform the basics around the house in order to take care of themselves. And if they don’t know or are unsure, they’d better look around and ask somebody.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

Willie 3:24 I LOVE that about my s/o!!!! That’s the best part of going out with him. Knowing that I can get that meal at home from then on :) He’s CRAZY gifted in the kitchen.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:27 pm

I am not afraid of bugs but I don’t do rodents, snakes and stray dogs.
That’s when I need my man to be all the man he can be.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

@wd….when i smoked weed…i got the recipe for reeses peanut butter cups…lol…i use to make trays of those things…lol

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

Re: kill the bug…

I heard a really funny story years ago on Paul Harvey. One day while her husband was at work, the wife cornered a large cockroach, but could not kill it. Somehow she picked it up and threw it in the commode. She tried flushing it, but the cockroach kept just swimming around in the bowl. She found a can of Raid bug killer and sprayed the whole can in the bowl trying to kill it. Anyway, her husband came home from work and as was his tradition, took the newspaper up to the bathroom (2nd floor) lit a cigarette, and sat down to do his “constitutional”. So he finishes his “lit” cigarette and drops it in the bowl not knowing she had filled it full of Raid which is combustible. Bang, it sort of exploded and burned his azz really bad. She called 911 and they came to help. They strapped him and his burned backside to the gurney and as they were taking him down the stairs, they were laughing so hard they tripped, dropped him and he fell down the stairs and broke his leg. Not a good day.

Dark Brown

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

I have been dating two guys casually for the last couple of months. At the same time that it is becoming evident that I am developing no particular affection for one, I am finding myself drawn to the other and he to me.

Very soon, I have to have a conversation with the one to let him know that I did not choose him. I’m not looking forward to this conversation, but it is the right thing to do.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
3:32 pm

Rell – thanks for the advice, but it wasn’t serious at all. The only thing that potentially got it to an argument was when he tried to blame me for it. But it was diffused quickly. We even talked about that situation when we were going through our premarital counseling workbook. It was the only example we could think of when we had to give an example of working through a problem.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
3:33 pm

@ Randyt :)

@ aggwitty

I like that idea…for us (ie: me)
Non traditional girls (in some aspects).

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

Rell one of the wisest statements recorded in history is ‘pick your battles wisely’. And yes solutions should always be sought after.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

I’m out folks. Off to prep for Maxwell/Common/Chrisette tonight. Be Blessed!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
3:34 pm

Rell – Your 3:18 – that’s me all the way! And give me a glass of wine while I’m doing it and I’m really in heaven!

I just always thought any grown person should know how to perform the basics around the house in order to take care of themselves. And if they don’t know or are unsure, they’d better look around and ask somebody.

Jamoca – I mean really!LOL!!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
3:35 pm

Rell- I think most people on here are real…our realities…like our experiences/perceptions are just different….but I do hear in you the sage voice of experience……..you will make a great s/o to s/o special.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
3:35 pm

LMAO RandyT! Dayum, she could have at least told him…or better yet cleaned the residue from the bugspray altogether…