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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

I think that all people, especially successful people, have a level of conceit in them. Self-love is good. A little bit of conceit in those that say despite what others thinks I can get this goal or that goal. Simple self-love would keep people out of stressful situations. A little step above that is required to make some things happen, though.

Too much conceit will be counter productive. But a little conceit has to be there in order to break societal norms or peer pressure.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

SHE SAID YOU TWISTED! LOL

Nothing wrong with that from time to time. :twisted:

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:29 pm

LOL. YALL A BIG BUNCH OF NUTS! LOL. SO ENTERTAINING. I FEEL LIKE IM AT THE ZOO LOOKING AT THE ANIMALS WITH MY KIDS. EATING POPCORN. LOL.

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:29 pm

@ Dan – so do you consider yourself an upstanding dude? Because earlier you asked…So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit? Ok, maybe the word deserve wasn’t the best choice, but your question is what prompted my post. Just because one is upstanding doesn’t give him a right to be conceited (granted that argument has already been made). That’s my opinion and I deserve to share it…LOL

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:32 pm

@ Melo – go back and read. I’ve already stated my position on my choice. Period. Take it how you want…you’re entitled.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:33 pm

Deeva

Ok, maybe the word deserve wasn’t the best choice,

That word “deserve” is what led me to post. We are all human, who is one person to say what another person deserves (other than themselves)?

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
1:35 pm

why are you re-posting and commenting on stuff from last week?

- i was thinking the same thing…guess i was suppose to nut up and start name calling and all that….guess i was suppose to eat that cheese laid out for me…lol

i still dont see the problem with telling someone good job on your journey thus far – i always ask…how will your journey benefit me if we decide to go forward – did you get a strength from your adversity that will help you in your romatic relationship…i ask questions to see if its real or just marketing for the product…its really not a sticking point or dealbreaker…folks just like talk about themselves

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
1:36 pm

Deeva4Life..

I think u are a Diva,u read like a Diva and will be forever a Diva based on what u say.

Why is it different today??

just coz aggwitty mentioned conceit??

Read Poppa’s 1.28, i agree with his sentiments and its true about me as it is true about u,to sme extend.
Why not stand on ur beliefs and keep it moving.
Oh maybe u arent a Diva after all???

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
1:37 pm

who is one person to say what another person deserves

Poppa, ForReal will give you a thousand reasons why one can’t state what they deserve. Where is he anyway?

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
1:38 pm

I don’t think the word conceit is the best word choice… Poppa Grande.

Anything dealing with that word is a recipe for disaster. I think its okay to feel accomplished or take pride in what you have accomplished.

conceited, vain,arrogant, egotistical,

Those words to not represent a person who is humble in their accomplishments..

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:39 pm

@Rell and the more you let folks talk about themselves, the more you learn.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:42 pm

@Deeva

What I think of myself is irrelevant to anyone but me.

As for an upstanding dude, defined as having morals (and displaying them in my everyday life), having an honor code (and living by it even when it’s tough), and trying to be a good person – then yeah – I’m an upstanding dude.

Otherwise, I ain’t isht.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
1:42 pm

@BRAT…yep thats why i dont mind all the talking..you learn alot…hell every date i have been on – its always “all we have talked about is me”…i want to hear about you – i ask what is it that you want to know…..then i get silence…so i ask “do you want to know me or are you nervous”…do you feel like you have revealed to much…etc…i dont say ish…i just help them feel in the stories and i accept the projection they place on me and the date….THE MASK ALWAYS COME OFF when its my turn to lead….try it folks…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:45 pm

Raqi – I’m glad the dinner went well, I thought about you guys when I was watching this guy on the Food Network preparing lobster.

I was actually playing devils advocate a bit with my appreciation question.LOL! That’s unfortunate about your coworker and the painting – if that’s the REAL story. Who knows how many times she had to ask, beg him to do the painting? And there are some folks you can’t please no matter how much you do. Maybe she’s one of those folks, and if so, he probably knew that before he married her so no need complaining now.LOL
I absolutely agree that everyone should show their SO appreciation on a regular basis – I have a ph.d from the school of reciprocation! Not only that, but we should show others appreciation as well, like our parents, good neighbors, teachers, etc. I think everyone at one time or another has felt underappreciated by their SO though. On the other hand, we should not get overly excited by folks who simply do what they should be doing anyway as a responsible adult – including the “miss independents” and “mr good brothers”. JMO – gotta put that out there today!LOL!!

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:45 pm

Conceit is simple hyper optimism.

I keep tryin to tell y’all about the light…

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
1:46 pm

Kimmie – >>>here<<<

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:47 pm

DAN, I believe that what we think of ourselves is relevant to others. After all, we (supposedly) know ourselves better than anyone, right? Understanding what a person thinks of themself is a great source of insight … to see both the beauty and the fugly in each of us.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:50 pm

After all, read the screen names…Poppa Grande, Agg Witty, Deeva4Life, Ms. Main, SexyCool, Amazon Red. No seems to have a really reserved screen name or than Dan, Rell, Kimmie (All of these seem to parts or variations of their real names).

Actualy, PG my name was suggested by My2 and Jamoca….cause I was like the main lurker….but I’ll take that…lol

Yeah baby!

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:51 pm

to add to KIMMIE’s 1:45 comment…. i also thought perhaps the wife gave a simple ‘thank you’ and proceded to criticize the workmanship. not so cool on her part, but there are those who will disregard a kind word and focus on the critique (why they do this i have no idea … but i’ve seen it many times). just a thought.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:53 pm

Dream’n

The the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has a definition of conceit as “excessive appreciation of ones own worth or virtue”.

Under that definition, it my belief that we all have some conceit.

In reality, we are all human. None of us are irreplaceable. The spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

So, to rise above the fray, conceit is needed. We have to think at some point that we are too good for some things. i.e. I am too good to get caught up in drugs. I stay clear of that mess. I know people who have gotten caught up in that mess. At the end of the day, we both will die and move on. I am not more special than another person. We all have flaws.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
1:54 pm

Enter your comments here

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:55 pm

@Brat

Being for real, for real, I only think about the people that I allow into my life. Theirs are the only opinions that matter.

The rest of the world is a stage with everyone else as “extra’s”.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:57 pm

But a little conceit has to be there in order to break societal norms or peer pressure.

True…I live life in the sight of God and God alone. His word guides me in out of life and it’s ins and outs. Tells me what I should versus shouldn’t do in interacting with my fellow man. Otherwise, I not bothered by what other folks do or think neither do I buy into doing things cause everybody else does it or it’s politically correct or it’s the norm.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
1:59 pm

Okay, got a litte Forest Gump going on today
“……His word guides me in and out of life”
Otherwise “I’m….”

should have been posted

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:59 pm

Correction: The Earth spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

With that I am going to take a nap. I had a terrible weekend. I lost one friend and another is in jail as a result. I am talking about the whole Bodytap thing. The saddest thing of it all is that it didn’t have to go down the way that it did. From what I’ve heard, AJ was as responsible for his own death as Vernon Forrest was in his. It seems that AJ was the original aggressor. It seems that Fred was defending himself. Fred is a marine that is trained in Hand to Hand combat. It got out of hand. Hence, a voluntary manslaughter charge for Fred and not murder.

I didn’t get much sleep this weekend. Luckily, I am not working or in class today.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
2:01 pm

The Earth spun on its axis before we came and it will after we are dead and buried.

The world was created prior to man being made

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
2:02 pm

PG – My condolences to his family, Kandi and to you.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
2:04 pm

@Ms. Main

Technically, it’s conceit to believe that God knows you, or for that matter, any of us.

The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Conceit is what gets you outta the bed, dressed, working, etc. Conceit is in just about everything we do.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
2:05 pm

My condolences as well PG

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:05 pm

I had a terrible weekend. I lost one friend and another is in jail as a result.

PG – Sorry to hear that. Hope you are able to rest.

How in the world are those guys friends of yours? Doesn’t seem like the type of friends you’d have.

My condolences.

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:09 pm

DAN, so it’s not so much that you think your opinion of yourself is irrelevant but more so that what others (random folks) think of you is irrelevant? i would have to agree with that.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:10 pm

The all powerful Creator of the World and the Universe is concerned about you.

Why wouldn’t he be Dan? He knows and cares about each and every one of us. He even knows every strand of hair on your head.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:11 pm

Fred is a marine that is trained in Hand to Hand combat. It got out of hand.

- yea i already know what he knows…in the marines all they teach you is how to kill someone several different ways and you practice at twice a week in mock hand to hand combat fights..you practice against knive and gun attacks as well….thats why i dont really play with folks or allow them to get me in a twist either cause its not going to end good for anyone…my prayers are with you – ish is crazy..in ga how much time do you get for voluntary manslaughter

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

Poppa … my condolences as well. That is so tragic. Be well.

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

LOL 2.05 Ared! :evil:

To think i have foot and mouth disease???

Condolonces to u and urs Poppa!

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
2:13 pm

…..It’s not about being conceited, It’s about being convinced!

ARED – ..What kind of people would those be that they could not be PG’s friend?

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
2:13 pm

@ Poppa Grand:

Sorry to hear that…. my prayers are with everyone involved..

On topic- We’ll agree to disagree :)

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
2:15 pm

@ Raqi

Please someone take him to curch… unlss he does not believe in GOD.
The comforting feeling that GOD thinks about you has nothing to do with being conceited…

smh

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

What kind of people would those be that they could not be PG’s friend?

Those in the exotic entertainment industry.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

It is a stroke of good fortune to find one who is worth se¬
ducing. . . . Most people rush ahead, become engaged or do
other stupid things, and in a turn of the hand everything is
over, and they know neither what they have won nor what
they have lost.
—SØREN KIERKEGAARD

Wings (I Fly Above)

October 5th, 2009
2:20 pm

ARED – They are first and foremost Sons, fathers, husbands, fiances and loved by those that knew them. That was a classless statement full of assumptions………but I will charge to your head (logic) and not to your heart.

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
2:20 pm

Ms. Main – Hey there chickadee. :) No problem, you can put that one (partially) on us…since you had to indeed accept the namechange. ;) She often (myself included) referred to you as Main Lurker. My thoughts each time I posted something regarding or towards you were “the name Main Lurker being a little too unisex…and she’s a girl, not a boy!”. (Also hence Truth giving My2’s moniker a more feminine touch of My2Tatas. LOL) Not only that, another blogger referenced themselves as Main Lurker and it was too hard to keep up with (which is which?)! LOL So there came the epiphany of —> Why not “Ms. Main” ? So there ya have it. :)

(and although I’m into the RHOA…or reality shows as a whole…)

But PoppaG, I’m really sorry to hear about that. Like many others, I read that.

It’s amazing sometimes, a person wakes up one day not knowing their number will soon be up in a matter of hours…be it death or a “run-in” with the law. You as well as a few others will be in my thoughts & prayers. It’s just so much going on these days…

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
2:21 pm

Wings – You are entitled to your opinion. You don’t have to charge it to anything.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
2:24 pm

Never rush into the waiting arms of the first person who seems to like
you. That is not seduction but insecurity. The need that draws you will
make for a low-level attachment, and interest on both sides will sag. Look
at the types you have not considered before—that is where you will find
challenge and adventure. Experienced hunters do not choose their prey by
how easily it is caught; they want the thrill of the chase, a life-and-death
struggle—the fiercer the better.

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
2:27 pm

On the appreciation thing – what about when your mate does something that you repeatedly ask them NOT to do?

My fiance’ washed my clothes the other day. I sort my clothes based on color, but when I wash them I further sort them based on material. Well he washed a load based on color alone. I know he was trying to help, but he put a handwash/line dry dress in the washer AND dryer. I didn’t ‘fuss’ but I did tell him that I would appreciate it if he doesn’t wash my clothes again.

I still don’t think he gets it… now I have to make sure I don’t leave him alone in my house with any dirty clothes :lol:

Lord Velonese

October 5th, 2009
2:29 pm

Dumb, dumb, dumb, DUMB!

Jamoca

October 5th, 2009
2:32 pm

Now that’s blasphemy —> (and although I’m into the RHOA…or reality shows as a whole…)

Correction: …although I Am NOT into…

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
2:34 pm

I didn’t ‘fuss’ but I did tell him that I would appreciate it if he doesn’t wash my clothes again

LOL…u really make me laugh! :lol:

tell him to find sme to do around the house and not anything to do with clothes or dishes!
This is what u get for making ur men be new age guys…… :lol:

If i were to do laundry at my house, i wld put all of them in there,no seperation by color or anything….
When a man starts paying attn to things like that..sme is not right.

ANNOUNCEMENT GUYS!

Dont do laundry! SUCKAS!!

:lol: :lol:

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
2:36 pm

Tazzee, did you tell him WHY you prefer he not do your laundry anymore? Without the why he may either think you’re simply ungrateful for his effort or, worse, he may make the mistake of tying to ‘help you out’ again.

I went through a similar situation when I was married. I thought I was sparing his feelings by not telling him WHY I didn’t want him to do laundry (or cook) for me anymore but because I didn’t explain myself, my ex-hubbs simply felt unappreciated. :)

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
2:40 pm

My fiance’ washed my clothes the other day

LMBO Tazzee.