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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Fake it till you make it

I believe it is Sharon Stone, the actress, who is credited with the quote, “Women might be able to fake O’s, but men fake whole relationships.” Now, aside from the quote coming from someone in Hollywood aka Hollyweird, I think it raises an important question about relationships: When you aren’t totally sure about the person you are dating, is it good practice to fake it until you are certain?

By fake it, I mean, go through the motions, so to speak, of a relationship. It seems that there are these unspoken relationship milestones that couples sort of stumble their way to. Then if or when things come undone, you are left wondering what was the point of all those milestones. Just because we have a great time together and I love spending time with you, do I really need to meet your mother?

Sharon Stone’s quote indicts men who fake relationships but I believe what she is referring to is when a man simply doesn’t know and goes along until he gets clarification. Women can certainly pull a man into a relationship with her expectations, but does that mean he is faking a relationship with her?

I’m the type that likes to go extremely slow and I think the men that I date get frustrated by this. It seems that they feel as if they are such a good catch, I am crazy not to be dashing towards the Bridal magazines after a few dates. I admit that I have tried to fake it until I actually felt something, but I ended up regretting it and wasting the guy’s time. I’m not doing that again.

What do you think? Is it difficult to continue a dating relationship when you aren’t sure about the person? Are you supposed to know, without a doubt, after the first couple of weeks or months, if you want to be with someone?

How much time do you allot before you totally check out and call it a wrap? Do you worry that you don’t put in enough quality time with dating potential mates to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship?

What about those of you who are serial monogamists? Do you find that you get trapped in a fake, pseudo-relationship because you just prefer to have a steady person in your life?

312 comments Add your comment

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:25 am

Everything de¬
pends on the target of your seduc¬
tion. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose
only those who will prove susceptible to your
charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill
a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often
isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of re¬
cent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so—for the
completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce.
The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts
you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will
help make your seductive maneuvers seem more
natural and dynamic. The perfect victim
allows for the perfect chase.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
11:25 am

Raqi – I was answering Dan’s 1103a.

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:28 am

some men seek validation thru there accomplishments…..just like some women want to be championed for being independent….so thats why…knowing that..just give a pat on the back for a job well done and move on to something else…i mean why do we find it so hard to over a slight praise for ones percieved struggles in life….just do it folks it free..its costs you nothing and it goes along way to making someone feel good about themselves.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
11:35 am

If you think you deserve a cookie, buy yourself one.

Couldn’t have said it better… i’ve always said that.. i am not going to pat you on the back… give a standin ovation… or throw you a party if you are doing what your are supposed to be doing as a “MAN”…. nice car, nice house, a degree, good manners, thoughtfulness, has a good head on his shoulders, knows how to talk to a woman,knows how to romance a woman… all those attributes do not equate to me bending over backwards for you.. While I may be rather impressed that does not call fro some sort of celebration… IMO :)

but kudos to the guys that are doing the thing :)

Rell - da rake

October 5th, 2009
11:40 am

,knows how to romance a woman…

ladies what would you say to me if i sent you this text

i had a bad day at work on my way home?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
11:42 am

Dan

Yeah, they can have a RIGHT to be a little conceited cause they think they all that. And we have a right to call BS on that conceit too, and REJECT that mess! These are the very ones that will be out there whining, saying they can’t find a good woman!

Like aggwit said last week – stop whining and start being! The dudes that are really ABOUT IT are out there doing it, getting it and don’t have to ASK for cookies!

Child’s play, Dan.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:42 am

Oh. LOL

Doing the right thing does not grant a pass for anyone to be conceited by any means. That changes my feelings right there. While doing the right thing among a nation of slackers may afford you an attaboy from the one who appreciates you, it does not give you a right to be beside yourself.

Modesty is one of life’s greatest character traits.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
11:47 am

@Kimmie

Let me be clear, I’m not referring to myself, my conceit is genetic.

And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?

Is there a happy medium?

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:50 am

Rell I think we don’t show enough appreciation to each other as for interacting men and women in today’s society. We are a selfish generation and it gets worst at the years turn.

I am one that thinks the conceitedness of a man and/or the independent stances of women are just taking it too far, but I do think that we should show appreciation for those in our lives that are doing the thing. I believe in being grown up and responsible. I don’t need to state my independence in doing what life calls for. But we need to stop taking each other for granted in our doings.

If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
11:50 am

@ kimmie

Child’s play, Dan

Very true :)

So why wouldn’t a upstanding brother have a right to a little bit of conceit?

There’s a difference between being conceited and proud of your accomplishments.. and the conceited route will get you no where ….

czBrat

October 5th, 2009
11:52 am

@Dan sure there is. i think we’re allowed to express admiration, appreciation and support for those who are holding it down and doin all the right things (as well as those who are truly trying) without feeling like we’re feeding a monster ego or catering to conceit.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
11:57 am

And I understand the points you all are making, but for those women that bemoan the “lack of good brothers” and their cohorts; why is the other side of that coin the “arrogant” brothers (or the one’s wanting credit for what their supposed to do)?

I don’t know Dan, why is that, in your world anyway? You come on saying these “arrogant” dudes have a right to be conceited, so YOU yourself are admitting those dudes exist! And yes, there are some women that do bemoan the lack of good brothers. There are dudes that say there are no good sisters too.

A happy medium does exist – There are women that HAVE good brothers(that are not conceited) or date guys of other races.

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
11:58 am

If you can never offer a compliment then STFU complaining.

Dan

October 5th, 2009
12:04 pm

@Kimmie

I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.

I don’t condone anyone else’s actions in that regard, and of course I concede that they exist.

But the happy medium was the take-away there.

As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that. If anything, it’s the males that are more optimistic about finding a compatible mate.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
12:06 pm

If your man is making it happen or your lady is helping carry half the load, we need to be appreciative and show it sometimes.

Raqi – We don’t know what goes on in other people’s house or other people’s relationships. Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?

How did the birthday dinner go?

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
12:09 pm

As for dude’s tombout no “good” sisters, I’ve never heard that.

They’ve said it right here, Dan. Plenty have said there is much quantity, but the quality is missing.

I’m not saying anyone has a right to be conceited but me.

That’s not how your original post read Dan, but okay.

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
12:13 pm

Actually, Dan – the initial phrasing of your question implied exactly that.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm

GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.

Ms. Main

October 5th, 2009
12:16 pm

GGGG Your 10:35…it’s all relative? Chemistry there but not yet aware? C’mon now. Chemistry is there when nothing has been established yet. It precedes and leads….for me a needed quality before advancing to the next stage. The exception being a blind date (IMO), should be the only premise of continuing or moving forward where there’s no chemistry. Blind date being, you won’t know until the meet and greet. Just my opinion though.

AmazonRed™ - Go Cal! Beat USC!

October 5th, 2009
12:26 pm

Enter your comments here

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
12:29 pm

Afternoon lovelies –

I can kinda understand this topic. My head rules my heart and I move rather slow while I try to assess what’s what and a guy’s intentions. I don’t know if it’s me “faking” it, as the chemistry does have to be there. But I need more than chemistry to want to proceed with a guy. And I might not be feeling every aspect of him, but will go out with him to know more, even if it’s just to confirm my inital instincts.

But yeah, the moment I know it’s not going to go anywhere, I cut bait.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
12:38 pm

I watched some old episodes of Sex and the City yesterday.

The whole Carrie/Aidan relationship reminded me of this topic. You’re with a great guy who loves you and treats you well, but your heart is with someone else. But you can’t have that other person because his married or otherwise unavailable.

You can’t sit around pining for the unavailable person forever. You should move on. But sometimes when you move on you realize then that your heart isn’t in it.

Before my dad came along, my mom was engaged to a man who had everything going for him, looked great on paper and loved her madly. She eventually realize she didn’t feel the same and broke off the engagement. I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
12:39 pm

Let’s be honest…most of these dudes wearing the badge of “conceit” don’t have ish to be conceited about. I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
12:42 pm

so says “Deeva4Life”! Irony much?

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
12:47 pm

Aggwitty I mean, that’s my opinion…and like I said those that feel that strong about themselves can continue to do so, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be that way.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
12:57 pm

@Rell, why so personal? Who pissed in your coffee? Maybe if you had more going for you, you would not have time to analyze someone you could not identify in a police line up. I hope your simple, stupid azz get a grip or at least some Prozac and a glass of water to wash it all down. Take your own advice because if you had chosen the right woman you would not be so bitter, broken and bruised.

WHOA! LOL.

Professor

October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm

*****I don’t think she knew she was faking it, til she knew. It’s not always deception involved.*****

I can see that happening particularly when the two of you look good on paper and the relationship is flowing…sort of like you are caught up or something. I guess one day you have an epiphany.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
12:58 pm

I get what you saying. still ironic, in that some might say you are conceited for having that username.

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:00 pm

OUch @ that shot at Rell. Sheesh

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:02 pm

Aggwitty this is a blog…we all created our blog names…it doesn’t have anything to do with me personally. It was a creative moment if you will…LOL But if one chose to think that way, that’s their prerogative…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:03 pm

Agg – So are you calling Wise conceited?

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm

Anyone who has a self aggrandizing name is somewhat conceited…me included.

Poppa Grande

October 5th, 2009
1:07 pm

Deeva

I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

That is pretty strong statement to make. It really is ironic. Pretty much everyone on this board feels pretty strong about ourselves or we’d be lurkers.

After all, read the screen names…Poppa Grande, Agg Witty, Deeva4Life, Ms. Main, SexyCool, Amazon Red. No seems to have a really reserved screen name or than Dan, Rell, Kimmie (All of these seem to parts or variations of their real names).

Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). Why not something less?

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:12 pm

Poppa – a positive and strong sense of self is needed. We SHOULD think positive of ourselves, but to be conceited is a whole different ball game. I didn’t put a whole lot of thought behind my screen name…it’s a blog. My choice has nothing to do with me personally. I can’t speak for the others. Deeva4Life was my choice…simple. It had nothing to do with conceit. But as in all things, you, Aggwitty and anybody else here is entitled to your opinions or thoughts, but to project that on me…well I’m not signing up for that class…LOL

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

October 5th, 2009
1:13 pm

You guys are going off on a wicked tangent……

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

October 5th, 2009
1:14 pm

Poppa – I think it’s a difference between conceit versus just having a healthy love of self or healthy self-esteem.

My screen name was chosen just out of laziness – I didn’t feel like trying to come up with anything cute or profound. One of my good friends calls me Kimmie and I was talking to her at the time, so I ran with it.

It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!

Dream_n

October 5th, 2009
1:15 pm

I mean, being conceited is one’s own GRAND ILLUSION(and I strongly emphasize that) of how great they are…so in that regard, do you, but you don’t deserve the right.

I totally agree with your statement. (Deeva)

Secondly are we really going in on someone about their username…. Its a name lol…..

Prime example, isn’t Deeva a female version of a hustler? (at less according to Mrs. Carter). (funny)!

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:16 pm

Yucky on the stray cats frying in all that grease with a pepper on the side…

WTH! LOL.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

There’s some hot fiyah up in here. Dayum at that 12:57. :lol:

SexyCool was...

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

I chose CrazySexyCool…because, well, I am…

aaaannnndddd – I happened to have been listening to that album way back when I started blogging.

LMAO!!!

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2009
1:17 pm

It all ain’t that serious – in my opinion!

@ Kimmie – AMEN!!!

aggwitty

October 5th, 2009
1:18 pm

<—opposite over adjacent lile a muhhhh fugga

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:20 pm

And therein lies the rub.

My conceit is my own – it warrants no validation, no approval, no confirmation.

I do not seek for anyone to “give me props” (or a cookie, etc.), I do that on my own. Deserve has nothing to do with it.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:22 pm

Little Wise Diva goes home from school and tells her mom that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s so good at them…..

Mom says: ” YOU should say NO – they only want to look at your undies”

Wise Diva said: “I know they do … that’s why I hide them in my backpack”!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Melodramatizulu

October 5th, 2009
1:23 pm

I think aggwitty has a strong point coz if u thoght about the name and then went ahead and made it ur official name on the blog,u were smewhat potraying that, about urslef.

So why try to hide that now??,….so just u can be politically correct??

Thats why this topic didnt even have much discussion either.
Everybody appears to be doing the right thing??
Ha??

So why all the problems in getting booed up??

Tazzee

October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm

lurker – why are you re-posting and commenting on stuff from last week?

Dan

October 5th, 2009
1:24 pm

Oooohhhh,

Melo with the 3!!!!!

Raqi

October 5th, 2009
1:25 pm

Do you come across a lot of people that complain that their SO is not appreciative?

kimmie some, but it is more to the point of just venting about how their SO complains a lot. And then some situations where some are actually doing the complaining.
This one guy here at work was telling us how he painted the entire interior of the house after his wife stated it needed to be done. Instead of her thanking him she found fault. Pointing the tiniest of areas missed and by mistake getting some paint on the carpet and stuff like that.

I’m like this, you should at least have something good or nice to say about your SO sometimes. At least once a month. At least.

How did the birthday dinner go?

It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.

lurker

October 5th, 2009
1:26 pm

@ARed, now you know w/you responding negatively or positively, he’s taking it you at least thought about it. The twisted minds of human beings! That’s funny!

Leggs – huh?

SHE SAID YOU TWISTED! LOL.

AmazonRed™ - logic over emotion

October 5th, 2009
1:27 pm

It went really well. The weather was beautiful and relaxing. The food was good. The company was great.

Fabulous!