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Over the Bad Boys

I remember having a discussion with the younger guy I’ve been seeing for the past few weeks. He made a comment about how I “needed a man with edge” or something.

I thought about it and realized that I feel like I am over the edgy dudes. In fact, they kind of annoy me mostly because it’s just a bunch of bad boy bravado. There usually is a super kind, generous guy underneath all the hype.

I can’t seem to meet the type that I am drawn to: square, a little corny, and not at all the bad boy type. Tattoos, piercing, earring, or whatever the bad boy uniform is doesn’t do it for me. I like them clean cut and polite. I did meet someone recently that seemed to be the type but after our first date, I got the bad boy edgy vibe!

Do you think that bad boys and “good girls gone bad” types lose their appeal as we get older? If you really think about it, this is the type you usually seek out when you aren’t looking for anything meaningful. How do we end up in relationships and pseudo-relationships with them?

Is it habit that we keep picking the wrong people or are we intentionally avoiding The One type candidates?

Has anyone ever told you that you were “too nice” or have you said that to someone you met?

If you meet someone who is a keeper but they have a little “edge” to them, do you take them seriously or just have fun with them.

Happy Friday!

501 comments Add your comment

I remember long ago I tried...

October 2nd, 2009
8:53 am

…to date a “bad girl” – she told me I was too nice for her – and she was right. I think women tend to like the “bad boy” aspect much more than men and “bad girls” – women just cannot get over the hump, so to speak, with the bad boys and they continue to make the same mistake over and over since they think they can “change” them or “he will be different with me”! Dumb broads!!!!!

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
8:53 am

Who has the correct definition for what makes one edgy?

Looking back into the younger years the true bad boys weren’t anything but rebels. Rebellious. That is the main ingredient in a recipe for trouble. What woman over in her thirties wants a trouble maker? I would think and hope not a one. But we all know that is not exactly the case.

When people talk about having an edge are they referring a man that stands his ground? I would say that just being a man.

Would some say it’s a man that will not allow a woman to walk over him? Uh, again that’s just being a man.

Or is that edge really the boyish rebel in a grown man’s body? If that’s the true definition then I am glad to have just a man. A man without the “edge”. A man that speaks his mind. A man that takes control. A man that is kind. A man that is pleasant to be around. I do well without the trouble.

Oprah

October 2nd, 2009
8:58 am

Yeah, I know a few women that married the “bad boys”.

Divorced now, the “bad boys” are in and out of rehab and their kids are flunking high school.

Good luck with that.

i'm swiss

October 2nd, 2009
9:02 am

Morning, Wise

I’ve never understood the whole bad boy attraction for some women, but whatever floats your boat. If you like azzholes, there’s plenty of them out there.

As for me, I like to think I’m a genuinely nice & respectful person and if I really like you, I’m going to treat you really well. Fortunately, I’ve had no problem finding women who were okay with that. ;-)

As for “good girls gone bad” — um… you mean ho’s? :lol: Well, I suppose they can be useful in certain circumstances, but not relationship material IMO… :lol:

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:06 am

…good morning…

…if “good guys” are – attaboys, henpecks, punks, wusses, wannabe turned out, top shelf castrated….Nah, that type is not my cup-a-tea.

I need indentations on my stallion…

rjcole83

October 2nd, 2009
9:18 am

From my experience women go across the board with this issue. In my opinion I am under the belief that most women like the polite gentleman with manners and values, but have an affection for a man who can be slightly antagonistic or competitive. Men have to use there judgement on when this is appreciated. Seems to me that women like to be pushed so that they can feel like they have won. There is a fine line men walk, once it has been defined, I believe it makes for a more complete relationship.

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:21 am

Cemeeli that’s the thing, who has the true definitions of these terms we so often use.

One woman may say that because a man has no interest in knocking her around and beating her upside her head is too nice of guy.

But yeah all those you mentioned I think are in a total different category outside of a “good guy”. LOL

I cain’t stand no henpecked man. Just makes me sick to my stomach.

Randy

October 2nd, 2009
9:22 am

All women say that their over the bad boy. But The next time you see them guess who they’re with ? Yep, another bad boy. It’s kind of like the lottery. I’ll buy one more ticket and then quit. I think I’m a good guy and no that doesn’t mean an attaboy, henpeck, punk, wusses, wannabe turned out, top shelf castrated. To me it means a man that offers and demands respect, honesty, and decency. But is also willing to stand his ground when necessary.

Ex-Gentleman

October 2nd, 2009
9:23 am

It’s a chicken-egg situation. I used to be very sweet – everybody wanted to be my “friend” but usually my crushes went unrequited.

Then I went off to college, put on some muscle, came into my own & started having more success with women by being a little bit aloof. Then I found that women were attracted to guys with a slightly pr!ckish streak.

Now, 15 years later, I hardly recognize the man I am. And all these (newly divorced) women on match.com are now saying “are all the GOOD guys gone?”

And I’m like, “What? You helped create me!”

PS, I’m still a gentleman – grabbing the door, the check, etc. I just seem to do better when I’m slightly disinterested, not all up in their grill, etc.

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:24 am

rjcole83, one of the biggest misconceptions is when people think just because a man is polite and possess manners and values he lack competitiveness or firmness. That is not true.

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:28 am

Raqi – Right, “bad boy” – “good boy” are NOT universal terms.

I know Cee needs ‘em “uncastrated”.

MR. Unknown

October 2nd, 2009
9:29 am

What up, Whatup, good people? I never dated the tiger paw tatto crawling up the thigh type, I have fun with them but nothing serious… They are prone to getting into fights,, starting trouble with the crazy looking dude in the corner sitting by himself, then looking at you like you are suppose to jump in. You reach a certain age and you realize that a blackeye is not going to heal like it did when you were 20 something, and also these dudes out here don’t fight no more they shoot.. Bad girls have a short life expectancy with me…

Professor

October 2nd, 2009
9:29 am

Happy Friday!!

Hmmm I will say this I think we are complex creatures at least some of us are, and we require some needs to be met. Yes I love good guys it has been my experience that respect, decency, loyalty and trust comes with the good guys. With the bad boys I have seen a dysfunctional form of loyalty and respect carried a different meaning, which often got them in trouble. So do I like a man with an edge? Hell yes because I have one myself, but to me an edge has to do with being a protector and having confidence not being a fool. Simply put I like my good guys with an edge!

Randy

October 2nd, 2009
9:29 am

Ex-Gentleman, You make a great point. Women cause us to become the “bad boy” and then wonder why they can’t find a good man thats not a wusse.

Dream_n

October 2nd, 2009
9:31 am

Good Morning All :)

Nice guys finish last..Girls don’t like me because I’m too nice… blah blah blah blah blah….

I genuinely believe that as we get older (the more mature crowd) we look for someone that completes us and treats us with respect and unconditional love. SO those that say “we” (woman) typically go for the rebel are full of b.s. It’s not that we don’t want the “nice” guy, it’s just that sometimes the nice guy is BORING!!! You can be nice, but have a lil edge to you. No real woman IMO wants a Yes man… Stand your ground be firm and aggressive… :)

When I was younger …. I did go for the bad guy, the one that wouldn’t call you when they said they would. The one that would tip the scale a little towards the azzhole meter. I liked that.. Plus I was young and I always went for the older guys…

i mean when you’re young, you’re not looking for a “soul mate”. You’re having fun, dating, and just living life. As you reach those mid 20’s or even 30’s you soon realize that you’re not going to live forever and you want to find someone to spend your life with…. Sorry bad boys… at about age 25, your kind should start rehabilitation b/c no woman wants to marry the “bad boy”, their good for playing with but it’s time to get put back on the shelf…. Can’t play with you forever….

Professor

October 2nd, 2009
9:34 am

are all the GOOD guys gone?”
And I’m like, “What? You helped create me!”
@Ex-gentleman, why is it that if a woman can go through the cycle a man cannot? By your statement it sounds like women made the good guys bad? Now we are looking for the good guys. It sounds to me that women have matured and come full circle, but the men are still 40 locked in a mental dorm room.

anonymousella

October 2nd, 2009
9:35 am

what do you mean by “edgy?” clean cut and polite with confidence that borders on cocky can be ridiculously sexy. if he has a quick wit and an inner dork / nerd / geek to boot? *swoon*

but if, by “edgy,” you mean “might strong-arm me or someone else in an argument,” then nah. if i have to worry about that, i can’t be with you. eventually, one of us would catch a case.

that said, i strongly prefer “nice guys” too. but, i don’t do doormats. as i get older, i have far more tolerance for when a guy makes a fuss over me. in that way, my definition of “doormat” has shifted a bit. but i need you to have a backbone.

Tazzee

October 2nd, 2009
9:36 am

Never was one that liked the bad boys.

All these guys talking about they were good but the women made them bad need to let go of that baggage or own up to the fact that you’re bad because you wanna be bad.

Fan

October 2nd, 2009
9:37 am

GM all!

I’m going to have to echo Professor on this one. A good guy (GREAT actually) with an edge is just about right. The bad boy was an adventure in my youth. But as Oprah pointed out; married hime … divorced him … don’t have a thing to do with him anymore. He has not outgrown those bad boy ways. That’s just not attractive on a 40-something.

Dream_n

October 2nd, 2009
9:37 am

Professor

October 2nd, 2009
9:37 am

@Dream_n I agree I think when you are younger you are getting to know yourself as well as others…just merely socializing. As time goes on and we become older and hopefully wiser some substance should come into play.

AmazonRed™ - ♥ing the drama-free life

October 2nd, 2009
9:39 am

Enter your comments here

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:39 am

I did go for the bad guy, the one that wouldn’t call you when they said they would. The one that would tip the scale a little towards the azzhole meter.

Dang, i’m a dude? Lol :)

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:40 am

Women cause us to become the “bad boy”

That’s a lie. You were probably chasing the wrong type of women and those women liked the rough necks.

Some people just cannot accept their place in life and for some that place is in the “good” lane with the other goods.

If are the Matthew Broderick type you don’t need to be out there chasing Angelina Jolie.

TRUTH

October 2nd, 2009
9:40 am

Bad boys. I’m amazed at all the women that drifted to that “idea” of a man. If women only thought it through. Equally, men who are atrtracted to the Bad Girls, and both sexes normally equate them to not only their faux edginess, but also to their presumed prowess in the bedroom. I can say, as I’m sure many others, that it is a myth. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, but the chance of either “BAD” being someone who can “knock it out the park!” is about as often as the someone hitting the lottery. Further, after a few conversations, you realize that they are just not that deep. The conversation normally centers around them and their continued attempts at trying to keep you impressed. (Yawn). I think people are more moving back to getting into each other and expressing their personal views (in other words having a point of view) which in and of itself CAN and IS being edgy and certainly brings much more explosive sexual exploits. Bad Boys/Roughnecks/Bad Girls are really passe.

AmazonRed™ - Go Cal! Beat USC!

October 2nd, 2009
9:41 am

Morning all – Sorry for the technical difficulties.

Yeah, I’m into squares too. Never had a problem meeting those.

I have a friend who is obsessed with meeting a man with “swagger” which is just code for a bad boy in a way. She turns down good guys all the time and always finds herself tangled up with a man who has some issue like a wife. :roll:

I really don’t get it.

Randy

October 2nd, 2009
9:42 am

I think the real answer is to just be who you are. If you have to pretend to be something that you’re not to get someone to like you……..well then they really don’t like YOU !!!!

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:42 am

Tazzee Mae That jacket is sweet!….i’m such a fan.

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:42 am

When I was younger

LOL Dream_n, you still are. You are not old enough to use “younger” yet. The only step beneath you is “when I was a child”.

BriteEyez

October 2nd, 2009
9:47 am

Good morning and Happy Friday!!

The ladies are very much on point with there comments so far. I believe that the definition of what a “bad boy” is will vary greatly depending on who you ask. One persons “bad boy” can just be a man being a man to someone else. As Raqi so eloquently stated the kind of man I desire is “A man that speaks his mind. A man that takes control. A man that is kind. A man that is pleasant to be around. I do well without the trouble.”

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:47 am

Amazon truth be told some good guys have swagger also. Swagger which I think is a dumb word is just confidence. There are plenty of good guys that exude confidence in their walk and actions.

Ex-Gentleman

October 2nd, 2009
9:47 am

Well, if anybody wants to take a whack at rehabilitating me, holler. I used to love being the sweet, honest dork.

He’s not “gone”; I didn’t really change. He just doesn’t come out much because there doesn’t seem to be much demand for him.

PS, “bad boy” is too broad of a term – means different things to different people. You wouldn’t think I was if we met on the street – I’m tall, preppy, have a stable career, etc.

Woody Allen once said “I’d never join a club that would have ME as a member.” Seems to apply to women too.

Rell - da rake

October 2nd, 2009
9:47 am

You helped create me

- bullish….this topic is going to bring out the simps today i see…i was once good but now….whatever

hell i use to all that sweet ish and try to one up those bad dudes..but i thought like all simps think…that the nicer i am the more she will like me…i was only nice to get the a zz…i was just doing what my mother told me to do – i mean it works when you sincere with it..but when you trying to manipulate the female by aligning yourself with her emotions then you lose…be a man not a chick…she can cry on her girlfriends shoulder not yours…thats not going to get you the poo cee

Dream_n

October 2nd, 2009
9:47 am

@ Cemeeli lol tsk tsk tsk… at least text girl!!

@ Raqi.. I beg to differ :)

Tazzee

October 2nd, 2009
9:49 am

Cemeeli – thank you ma’am. It’s really cute when I wear it with jeans and some boots. Almost broke out the boots this morning, but I’ll wait another week ;-)

Raqi – :lol:

Ex-Gentleman

October 2nd, 2009
9:50 am

It also works in reverse, too. The best (read: passionate, crazy) relationship I’ve ever had was with a sweet, demure southern girl, a second-grade teacher… who was actually a total hellcat behind closed doors.

THAT was the most awesome pairing ever.

Rell - da rake

October 2nd, 2009
9:50 am

with an edge…some of you ladies read like you want a man to shake the sh out of you…

whats an edge…what him getting mouthy with someone to impress your booger wolf azz…lol

chicks love to project there desires on men….a square with an edge..there is no such animal…

yea brothers dont believe the hype…i am not showing out for nobody

Raqi...The Resident Euroblacspanic

October 2nd, 2009
9:53 am

Swagger is like sex appeal. There is no one set definition.

Ex-Gentleman

October 2nd, 2009
9:53 am

Rell, et. al… you might want to ease off on all the premature conclusions to which you’re jumping.

Nobody’s trying to pass blame or responsibility onto anybody else (I’m not, at least)… just trying to recognize and articulate how these situations come to pass.

Disagree if you like, but namecalling (simp, etc.) is childish.

Rell - da rake

October 2nd, 2009
9:54 am

men! – most of women thoughts and convo revolve around men..so she is what she is when you meet her…she was a hellcat when she meet you…she just needed to make sure your simp a zz could handle it – you know..not turn into a stalker or some creepy sh it….dont be surprise..

btw – tazze why my ish gray in the league…you are a funny commish..for that i am about to start channelling my inner voodoo and win this thing..sick of playing gmes

Ex-Gentleman

October 2nd, 2009
9:55 am

I HAVE found, however, that women appreciate a man who can spell, has a decent grasp of grammar, can distinguish between there / their / they’re usage, etc.

Might be worth looking into.

Leggs

October 2nd, 2009
9:55 am

LOL @ Raqi.

Looking back, I never really dated “bad boys”…street corner huggers, pants hanging low, limited conversational skills or those guys that disrespected and ignored you only to make you want them more, just to name a few. No, never went that route. However, I did date a lazy man!

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:55 am

I used to love being the sweet, honest dork.

wow…dork? & sweet? = a man, for real?…hehehehehehe

…wasn’t “swagger” buried with some other stuff?!

Professor

October 2nd, 2009
9:56 am

@Ex-gentleman I was not taking a “whack” out of you I was just trying to understand why according to your theory women continued to grow, but it read like the bad boys are still 40 years old but their growth halted.

Welcome to the blog!

If you ain't Sexy, you ain't Cool. (I slay me.)

October 2nd, 2009
9:58 am

Three Words Daily – Get busy winning.

If you’re not winning, you’re losing.

You know that, right?

Rell - da rake

October 2nd, 2009
9:58 am

@ex-gent…your right it is childish..but so what….again we know what it is when we were trying to be “nice”…come off it dog…all the pretty words and sh it is cute..but you know what the motive was – when really had no interest other than scoring some tail….hell half the time we got that simp ish from our mother/grandmother/aunties…..i have had several women tell me…you were too nice too fast…or you did not seem genuine -”NO ONE IS THAT NICE”…i knew you wanted something…it was not about me – it was aboute..etc etc etc…so i am calling it like it is – “SIMP ISH”…once you stop did you not get better results…and i dont think i called you ex-gent simp directly..but hell if that shoe feels right on you pimpin- GET TO STEP N!!!

Cemeeli

October 2nd, 2009
9:58 am

@Mae You know what kind of day i had yesturday…You made my evening better…

…the wannabe moonwalker is doing Smooth Criminal for the make-shift concert at school today. They have Celebration Friday every week after Study Hall, and this week is MJ, again! :)

Dream_n

October 2nd, 2009
9:58 am

lol @ simp… smh

Leggs

October 2nd, 2009
9:59 am

Hello BriteEyez!

Melodramatizulu

October 2nd, 2009
10:00 am

Bad Boys..
Laaaawd..dont they come in different shades..u know the tatted up,chain smoker,drug pusher and liqor loving guys who talk with a swagg and want to fight everybody and anybody in the club,THEN..

u got the smoof type, the prety boys(aka 8+letter) who seem to be good but infact are undercover in their ways and have a slew of females corpses behind in their wake,a lil baby mama here and a lil baby mama there,some child support drama here,u know the rest and they are rolling stones,collecting a lot of female DNA but not settling for anybody……

They got all the girls esp in high school and the college girls and ofcourse hey do have an edge but if u want to settle down,then u need to look for a reformed bad boy or just a regular boy/girl.

Do you think that bad boys and “good girls gone bad” types lose their appeal as we get older?

Ofcourse!

When they settle down,the bad boys usually have no problem getting a good girl either.

The bad girls?? They skip town! :lol:

Morning folks!