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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Archive for September, 2009

Seal the Deal

I know a lot of men who say that compatibility in the bedroom is extremely important to them. I have never heard them say it is what would seal the deal when it comes to marriage though.

I think some women believe that men are into the chase and they only want one thing in a dating relationship.  I’m sure that is the case with a lot of single people, men and women.  However, those of us who actually value friendship over sex, are willing to find out if the compatibility extends past the bedroom. Do you find this a challenge in dating?

Is it difficult to get each other to focus on our “emotional connection” with someone without letting the  sex cloud our judgment?

Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women? What if a guy is looking for a committed relationship, does that make a difference?

Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex? Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad? Does love have to seal the deal for you …

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Can You Be My Co-Star?

I haven’t watched Oprah’s interview with Whitney Houston in it’s entirety yet, but I saw a portion of it. I believe Oprah asked if her ex-husband, Bobby Brown was ever jealous of her success.  Houston paused for a moment before answering yes, but she mentioned that when her career skyrocketed, he was supportive. Her career and success took center stage and he took on the role of protector and supportive husband, and she loved that.

When we discussed single successful women,  I noticed that the new male-female relationship dynamic is probably completely new territory. Many of us grew up with our fathers’ career and ambitions taking center stage.

So how would a couple navigate the whole new world of being more versatile and flexible to the modern-day circumstances?

Ladies, are you meeting or dating men that would feel comfortable with your career taking center stage?  I honestly think that men would be willing to be supportive for the right woman.

Do you think it is possible …

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What about your priorities?

This weekend, CSI-NY actor Hill Harper came into town for a couple of book signing events. His new book, entitled The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships. I was unable to attend the events but our beloved Amazon Red is guest blogging for us today about the book:

Actor Hill Harper is a handsome, Ivy League educated, rich…and at 43, he’s never been married. I was driving into work one morning and listening to Hill give a radio interview regarding his book. He stated that he realized he was part of the problem — being a straight, single, eligible black man who has never married. Through his friendship with the Obamas (he went to Harvard law with the President), he’s seen them support and build each other up over the years and realized that a neither a man or a woman can reach their full potential without a good mate by their side.

So with that being said…Hill has resolved to be married in the next few years. But then the interviewer …

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A Guy Thing?

I will never forget the crazy night I had with a guy I was seeing. We were preparing to leave his house and head to a concert together. As we were backing out the driveway an ex-fling was on the front sidewalk looking a little upset (read: crazy). She wanted to know why he hadn’t called, or returned her calls/messages/emails.

In that kind of situation, a man really has two options: be upfront and give full disclosure on who the woman was, or drive off and pretend she wasn’t really standing there yelling. Which one do you think he chose?  Well, he thought he would just avoid her until the evening was over.

Obviously this didn’t work, and of course minutes later she began calling him.  Why do most guys avoid confrontation of breaking up? Is it just a guy thing, though? Is it hard for women to be the one that calls the time of death on the relationship?

I know a couple of guys that will act like a complete blockhead so that the woman will have no choice but to end things. They …

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Spies Don’t Get Dates

My friend Vincent said that he recently had a young lady over and he is almost certain that she went on a little fishing expedition in his home office. He just bought a home so he was showing her around a little.

When he left to go answer his cell phone that he left in the next room, he says she turned into Nancy Drew! He could tell that she went through some papers and drawers. At lunch the other day, I asked him if that bothered him and he said absolutely. “We aren’t even in a serious relationship and she’s already snooping on me? I’m not calling her back. There’s a reason spies don’t get dates.”

Ok, first of all. Spies don’t get dates? I know he was making a funny and I can see his  point. Would you date someone that could access private information about you? What if they were law enforcement or worked in your doctor’s office?

If you are involved with someone who can’t resist digging into your stuff before you’ve even been on two dates, it’s probably a red flag or it …

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Jealous Much?

Yesterday we talked about how to draw the line on flirting and being too tempted. Today, I wanted to touch on how to handle being with someone who is extremely insecure. I’ve had a jealous boyfriend before and it’s not always an easy feat to reassure someone that you are just friendly and flirty by nature. What do you think about asking a person to change that part of their personality so that you can feel more secure about the relationship?

There is only so much jealousy a person can handle. Have you dated someone who was jealous? What were the signs that they were that way? Is there a way to spot this red flag before you are in a relationship with someone?

Have you ever struggled with jealous and insecurity personally? How did it impact your dating or your relationships? What can one do to let the jealousy and insecurity go?

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Sweet Temptation

Have you ever heard of the saying, “Opportunity knocks but temptation leans on the doorbell” before? It kind of explains how hard it is to deal with temptation. If you are in a relationship and live in Atlanta, being tempted is a real issue for some people.

You can sport a wedding ring or stay out of bars, but eventually you will be presented with a serious temptation. How do you deal with it? Some people in this city are extremely bold and persistent. Even after you tell them that you are involved, married, or have a “situationship” it does not deter them from pursuing you.

What happens when you are approached by someone when you already exclusively dating someone else? Have you ever been tempted to actually find out if the person is a better fit for you? If you found someone you had a connection with or a serious connection, how do you handle the temptation of being with that person?

Happy Tuesday everyone! How was your extended weekend? Did you have any sweet …

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First Cut Is the Deepest

My first love is on Facebook and seeing his name still gives me the butterflies in my stomach! What is it about first loves that leaves such a lasting impression on us? It’s been years since I’ve seen him and lots of boyfriends later his name along invokes all those crazy emotions I felt.

Do you remember your first? The first person you kissed. The first person you fell hard for and made a total fool of yourself over? What about your first heartbreak?

Do you think our first and early experiences with love sets the precedent for how we will handle relationships later?

Is there a person from your past that taught you the most about love? What was the lesson?

Do you think that your first love thinks about you from time to time? What would you do if your first love contacted you on Facebook or found your number from your mother or friend?

Happy Friday!!

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Bad Habits

All of us has quirky little things about us that are part of who we are. For the most part, they are pretty harmless and aren’t such a big deal. However, I believe some of us have some bad habits that may actually run potential partners away. How honest are we about them, though?

I’m quick to say that I love me and if another person can’t recognize all my wonderful goodness (flaws and all) then forget about them! Every now and then, though I have had to stop and think to myself. Is this yet another reason why I’m still single?

What are you bad habits that need to be dropped? I had one that I had no choice but to drop: dating men who had no clue how to be supportive or meet my needs emotionally. They were my bad habit! They were great on paper, ambitious and driven, yada yada. When it came to checking on me and caring about what I thought or felt, I was invisibile. That’s not a good feeling: Being in a couple and feeling alone.

Do you have a bad habit you are drawn to? Maybe …

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Don’t Mean It? Don’t Say It

As much as I love romance and falling head over heels, I admit that I am a big chicken when it comes to saying and hearing the L word. I have noticed that some people use the L word as a weapon to commit emotional larceny. They steal emotions from a person that they have no intention of being committed to. I have heard men say that they often use the L word on women with no self-esteem to entice them into a pseudo-relationship (read: reason to sleep with them) and it works every time. I have also seen women do the exact same thing. They profess love to the man or say it back to him knowing full well that he is only Mr. Right NOW.

In my opinion, it could be an EMPTY “I Love You” if:

It is said by a person that is consistently selfish; It is said by a person who utters it expressly to get something from you: sex, money, power, attention; Their actions are not aligning with their proclaimed love for you as evidenced by being constantly inconsiderate of your feelings, or if they …

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