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Blame Angelina Jolie

There has been actual research on so-called “mate poaching”.  They found out that a lot of single women aren’t exactly hunting for other singles. Sometimes, they look for the coupled up men and “poach” them away from their current relationship. It’s like the Angelina Jolie syndrome because she supposedly began a relationship with Brad Pitt while he was married.

The results of the research: “Single women were more interested in the man when he was described as attached (90% interested) than when he was described as single (59%). Men showed no difference in interest between a single and attached woman.”

The thing about these studies is that don’t leave much room for the variables. It’s interesting nonetheless, to see the “scientific” analysis about why women are attracted to men who aren’t available. What are your thoughts?

When you meet someone you are attracted to, is it more appealing when you find out a person is involved with someone already? Have you ever pursued someone who had a significant other?

Have you ever been involved with someone and met somebody else that you felt you was the person you were meant to be with? How do you tell the person you are in a relationship that you are in love with another person?

614 comments Add your comment

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
11:15 am

Ms.Main Exactly. First you hear of them co-starring in a movie and next thing you know they have left their spouse or s/o and started a life together.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:16 am

Then those “friends” (and I use the term loosely) need to get the boot…

Good Girl in Atlanta

September 30th, 2009
11:17 am

Dream_n-

Currently, I’ve been in a committed relationship for 5 years…..and loving it! By the way, we are married. Neither my husband nor I was in a committed relationship when we met. We both were dating but it wasn’t serious. This topic isn’t new; however, it’s a good conversation piece. My beau and I have talked about this in length many times. Yes, I still consider myself a “Good Girl” more ways than one.

Fan

September 30th, 2009
11:17 am

Some mothers (older women) honestly think they’re doing right by you or minimizing your chance of heartache by what they advise. Example: my mother always told me to marry for money and keep the man I love on the side. Sad but true. I think she felt she would be saving me from heartbreak. She wasn’t telling me to be a who@e.

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:21 am

Example: my mother always told me to marry for money and keep the man I love on the side.

That is some wise advice…

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
11:22 am

Half of your girlfriends dont want to see you happily married unless they are happily married

DK…i cosign…

i jus think females are more prone to group think than men-folk.
I may be biased but i do think that way.Jus coz females tend to have “more females” in their “circle of friends” than guys do.

Am i wrong ladies??

Dan

September 30th, 2009
11:23 am

@Fan (re 11:17)

Exactly.

It’s the “I don’t want my baby to hurt like I did” syndrome.

But what it creates is a generation of men (we get similar advice) and women that don’t know how to form real and meaningful relationships. It scars the child further than helps them.

It’s advice from a place of hurt, and it intentionally inflicting that hurt on a loved one, and it’s ridiculous.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
11:23 am

Demi – Would it be good advice if it was your wife? See it aint no fun when the rabbit got the gun..

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
11:23 am

Fan, ur mother was on the streets??

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
11:23 am

DK/Dream – I’ve actually heard some worst advice from older women than younger women or women my own age. Only advice I’ve ever respected was from my mom & grandmother and one of my aunts. Also my godmother gave good advice. Other than that, I weed out what I choose to listen to from others. And consider the source.

Jennifer

September 30th, 2009
11:24 am

Enter your comments here
Women go for married and attached men because it is clear that they are prepared to commit. There is always a question mark over a single man “Why is he single and available”?

Deeva4Life

September 30th, 2009
11:26 am

Professor – re: your 11:05 post; although complicated to explain all of that is so very true.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:26 am

Example: my mother always told me to marry for money and keep the man I love on the side.

That is some wise advice…

?????? I’m confused

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:27 am

Aint no sunshine my ‘igga, the sun aint gonna shine
Till I reach about a million
Talkin billions with Brazilions
I got this funny feeling that I’m gone be filthy rich
And I’m gone marry money cuz money’s a faithful bish

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

September 30th, 2009
11:28 am

Would it be good advice if it was your wife? See it aint no fun when the rabbit got the gun..

Do it DK :)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
11:30 am

Melo – For the most part, you are probably right about the group-think, especially if the woman did not have a strong mother figure in her life or a dad around that set a good example. The greatest gift a parent can give a daughter(son too but especially daughter) is to teach her to be an independent thinker. Build her self-esteem and show her love so she won’t have to try and get it from teenage motherhood or some trifling dude. Not be easily led by other low-achieving females.

I constantly preach to SO’s kids and my own nieces & nephews – Be a leader, not a follower.

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:31 am

@Dream_n Tony Dungy is a classy guy…I really enjoyed his book…LOL

@Kimmie you are so right…the beauty/nail salon! Why is that all of the advice they give, or at least I have heard is that the man is cheating or it is advice that will make you look like a fool? YES, you can see the jealousy!

@Demi you are right. I think it bothers her, but she is playing it safe I just hope she does not get hurt (physically).

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:32 am

DK/Dream…I meant to post the above lyric…my bad.

Deeva4Life

September 30th, 2009
11:32 am

When I was married and going through some things with my ex-husband, I had an aunt share some advice with me. She told me…”Accept that at some point in time your husband IS going to cheat on you. Don’t get all upset about it…just accept it because it WILL happen.” I laughed at first…until it happened. However, just because he CHOSE his actions, I’d never spew that “knowledge” on another woman.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
11:32 am

swissThey wear underwear? I know right…lol

compelling That’s what the old folks say

Raqi Relations and Hollywood ain’t a good mix

Margaret M.

September 30th, 2009
11:33 am

Good lord. Why must we bring up three people we know nothing about. I assume that this writer used Angelina Jolie’s name just to attract readers to her article. Why thoughtlessly cast aspersions on her? We don’t what happened in that situation except that if I recall all parties said that no one stole anyone. A marriage ended and a new relationship started. End of story.

As for the attraction of marrieds, I don’t think it is about “competition” for the male though they may not want to hear that. People behave differently when they are not on the hunt. Most marrieds start off as potential romantic partners and with that often comes a facade and behavior with an agenda that usually can’t last. When partnering up is not their goal people stop trying to impress potential mates and let their guard down. They become who they truly are. When that happens it is only natural that people get to know the real you and if they become attracted it’s to that real you, even just as friends, and that allows emotional intimacy to develop. This is why workplace relationships often bloom.

So, unfortunately, later relationships that were not products of the dating scene may yield better and more intimate matches.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
11:35 am

Fan Are you serious?

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2009
11:37 am

Deeva4Life – DAYUM! But I have heard that before too, like its supposed to be okay (dont be shocked) that your husband cheats on you. WTH?!?!

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
11:37 am

Affair Humor

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded. ‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’She looked down at his shoes and said:
‘You lying jackazz! You’ve been playing golf!’

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:37 am

…”Accept that at some point in time your husband IS going to cheat on you.

People act like monogamy is impossible… It irks me when people go around giving bad advice just b/c they were in a bad situation… Not all men cheat and not all women are ho#s..That’s just basic knowledge..

Deeva4Life (glad another sistah had since)

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:37 am

Demi – Would it be good advice if it was your wife? See it aint no fun when the rabbit got the gun..

DK…Meaning…If a woman only marry me for money? I hope to be wise enough to see though her deceptions by then.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
11:38 am

Margaret M We don’t what happened in that situation except that if I recall all parties said that no one stole anyone. A marriage ended and a new relationship started. End of story.

I ain’t tryna be funny but what rock did you crawl from under? We may not have been there but we know what happened….lol You said it yourself. A relationship started and a marriage ended. He went in married and came out having a hot torrid affair…lol…j/k but not really

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
11:38 am

Didn’t Fan say some, off the wall 2 days ago??

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:39 am

*sense* not since… what’s the name for words that sound the same but are spelled differently.. my mind went blank…

Fan

September 30th, 2009
11:39 am

Yes, Main. I’m serious. However, my mother married her high-school sweetheart and divorced after 25 years. I married my high-school sweetheart and divorced after 13 years. Like I said, I think it was her way of advising me to avoid the heartache because you know no one can hurt you like the one you truly love. It’s just my point of view on where and why some of this twisted advice is being handed down.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
11:39 am

Deeva/Mo – I have heard that mess too, countless times! One lady told me when I was in high school ALL husbands cheated, including my daddy, so just accept it. She did not even know my daddy, but she said everybody’s daddy had cheated on their mama!

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
11:39 am

Margaret M I’m sorry for coming off harsh…Welcome!

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
11:40 am

You lying jackazz! You’ve been playing golf!’

LOL,good one Kym!

he gives it good,…to both!

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
11:41 am

Fan It’s just my point of view on where and why some of this twisted advice is being handed down

gotcha

Compelling

September 30th, 2009
11:43 am

LOL @ Professor. Tony Dungy wouldn’t cheat on anyone. :-) Neither would Lovie Smith. ;-)

I agree Ms. Main, married individuals need to end their current state before entering into another relationship. Damn being separated and/or emotionally checked out. Break one relationship off completely before starting another. Be respectable, honest, and upfront.

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:44 am

@Kimmie you are 100% on your post. I do the same with my niece.

@Deeva…whoa! I would not pass that advice on either.

I have not given one of my friends the boot although she is negative when it comes to relationships…every man is a dog…cheater…crazy etc. I have learned to put a lid on her meaning I do not take her advice and I tune her out when she gets started. We were out one time she was sitting on my right and a guy was sitting on my left. Well dude struck up some small talk and the entire time she said…what is he saying…he is lying…yea right…I don’t believe him. It got so bad dude ask me are you with her, what is wrong with her? I was so embarrassed.

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:46 am

…”Accept that at some point in time your husband IS going to cheat on you. Don’t get all upset about it…just accept it because it WILL happen.”

The real secret is out…THIS is how granny and pop-pop marriage lasted 30 years, LOL.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
11:47 am

Demi – I suggest you listen to Devin the Dudes “Somebody elses Wife”

Margaret M.

September 30th, 2009
11:47 am

No problem, Ms. Main. Thanks for the welcome.

But you misquoted me. I said a marriage ended and a relationship started. I think the order makes an important difference. I’ve learned in life never to judge the intimacies of another person’s marriage nor to think I know who is to blame in a break up. Often the one trying to come across as the injured party was no such thing.

This is an interesting topic.

Demi

September 30th, 2009
11:48 am

Mo…i is having a ten year party with yo company…sad part…I am just finding out about it…oh well, free food.

Deeva4Life

September 30th, 2009
11:48 am

Margaret M. the last two paragraphs of your 11:33 post said a WHOLE lot. Not popular with the masses, but truth nonetheless.

Compelling

September 30th, 2009
11:48 am

Furthermore, I HATE sharing. I’m not going after anything that I cannot have all to myself. Trust me, I’m not even entertaining you or looking your way if you’re attached. As soon as I find out that I’m not the only sun in your sky, I’m gone. I like to shine brightly all by my lonesome thank you very much. Lol.

Elijah ( Professor! What a woman????)

September 30th, 2009
11:49 am

Good Morning!

It is true about these married women out here they are on fire! I have encountered plenty of married women wanting to get dizzle both from the workplace as meeting some at the gym.

One of my partna from back in the 1990’s married right after college and boy the ladies were beating the door down slinging him the panties!

We do have a choice to show, honor, respect and commitment even every relationship. I believe when we dishonor any relationship it shows a true character flaw!

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:50 am

Dream_n those words are called homonyms

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
11:51 am

Demi – It might not even be about the money… Just picture you being married.. You know you couldnt handle finding out your wife is being gutted like a rainbow trout by another dude..

Fan

September 30th, 2009
11:52 am

Anyway, I agree with the posts that have said that “taken” people have a certain pep in their step that makes them attractive to others.

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:54 am

Hey Elijah!

After reading all of this stuff I think I will save some money and my future husband some problems. I will not buy him a ring and we can use that money to buy something nice for me like some earrings to go with my ring.

Fellas is that alright? (I am saying that in my southern belle voice)

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
11:55 am

Margaret M – WOW!!!! Both Posts..

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
11:55 am

@Elijah so if your friend caught the panties was not his character flawed?

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:55 am

@ Professor

thanx chica!