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Blame Angelina Jolie

There has been actual research on so-called “mate poaching”.  They found out that a lot of single women aren’t exactly hunting for other singles. Sometimes, they look for the coupled up men and “poach” them away from their current relationship. It’s like the Angelina Jolie syndrome because she supposedly began a relationship with Brad Pitt while he was married.

The results of the research: “Single women were more interested in the man when he was described as attached (90% interested) than when he was described as single (59%). Men showed no difference in interest between a single and attached woman.”

The thing about these studies is that don’t leave much room for the variables. It’s interesting nonetheless, to see the “scientific” analysis about why women are attracted to men who aren’t available. What are your thoughts?

When you meet someone you are attracted to, is it more appealing when you find out a person is involved with someone already? Have you ever pursued someone who had a significant other?

Have you ever been involved with someone and met somebody else that you felt you was the person you were meant to be with? How do you tell the person you are in a relationship that you are in love with another person?

614 comments Add your comment

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:16 am

Dream_n, just tryna find somewhere to lay the blame…lol

Ms.Sunshine

September 30th, 2009
10:20 am

Totally agree right here, mytwocents

“Ultimtaely, nobody can be poached if he isn’t willing to go.”

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:21 am

Good Girl – You sound like a good girl that done gone bad..

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
10:22 am

@DK I know that Dianna Carroll played Dominque Deveraux on one of the all time best tv series Dynasty.

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:22 am

I think there is something attractive about a married man that is committed to his relationship and not still shopping for opportunities. However I dont want to get involved

Mo Exactly. Because really to get involved actually makes the reason for attraction void. And a lot of women find themselves a man that is not the man they thought. Which they are fooling themselves because how committed to his relationship is he if he is dealing with someone on the side. Some people just don’t get that.

If he/she cheated with you, he/she will cheat on you.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:25 am

“Ultimtaely, nobody can be poached if he isn’t willing to go.”

Just pasting (no commenting) as I agree…

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:25 am

Kym – Yeah yeah yeah.. I believe you got on you dominatrix outfit right now with the whip raring to go..

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:26 am

After whitebread and his wife divorced he tried to get back with me. Talking about we can be good together. HA. I had to remind him that I already knew that he is a liar. I knew that he will step out of a relationship. He is not to be trusted. Dude whatever.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
10:28 am

@DK not my style at all.

Professor...ahhh

September 30th, 2009
10:30 am

Hola!

Stepping in for a second…

I just remembered something as I read this post. A few years ago I was getting my eyebrows waxed and an older lady shared the “advice” she gave her daughter with us younger ladies. She mentioned that finding a husband was tougher and we need to think like men. Well she advised her daughter to go after this married doctor. Her reasoning was that he was about 45 and he is ready for a change, but most men and especially a doctor has been spoiled by a woman. So her daughter needs to stake her claim and take this other woman’s husband. Finally she told us that a married man around 40 an up is where we need to look, due to mid life crisis and them wanting a younger woman. After I saw all of these women looking like yea that is what we need to do. I spoke up and said you have a chance of 1) getting an @ss whipping by wifey 2) getting a switchblade pulled on you 3) getting a firearm fired at you 4) getting rejected because he is happy 5) getting rejected because you are not his type and 6) him clapping out in you and staying married. So, how do you like the odds? Well some of the ladies laughed but the others had already been brainwashed.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
10:31 am

Morning bloggers & bloggettes!

Raqi for the record a married man on the hunt is the worst. Believe that. They don’t get the N or the O.

Ms. Main – I second that! They are downright disgusting.

It’s a difference between being attracted and acting on the attraction. People that are HAPPILY married or in a satisfying committed relationship do give off a nice aura. And I do find committed, family men very attractive versus the single player-player guy, but the committed guy I WILL NOT give the time of day. People that are “frustrated” and unhappy are hard to be around. My boss is married and seems to be happy and he is a joy to work with, but I’m not attracted to him. I find that men & women that are not satisfied in their personal lives sometimes take it out on those around them – hate to generalize, but this is my opinion. Anyway, who would not want to be around someone that is pleasant and if a great spouse or SO contributes to that, so be it.

Excuses like it’s a challenge, don’t have to wash his dirty drawers cause the wife will, etc – well I don’t want to hear all that.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:36 am

Professor – Thats a prime example of the bad advice alot of women take for the gospel these days.. It happens more often than we like to think..

Good Girl in Atlanta

September 30th, 2009
10:36 am

You’re correct, Raqi. Some of these guys were in the club, but not all. We met at grocery stores, home depot (good place to meet guys!), pubs, etc. Although it was wrong at the time, it was a natural high!

Professor...ahhh

September 30th, 2009
10:37 am

Mytwo greetings to you as well,

I just thought I would ask, please excuse me I prefer Miles Davis to Jay-Z so I am not in touch with his lyrics…

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:37 am

While I understand the logic of if he cheated on her he will cheat on you.. I do believe that a man can be re-formed and change…

@ Professor:
Glad someone had sense.. wtf kinda advice is that.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:39 am

Good Girl in Atlanta

If I may ask… Are you in a committed relationship now?

Professor

September 30th, 2009
10:41 am

@DK you are so right! I am looking at these ladies bobbing their heads and making comments like I never thought about that, and that makes sense. I wanted to yell STOP, so that is why I did the flip response with the options. I will respect vows even if the man or woman will not. Let me explain I say woman because I do not get into my married friends business. I do not give them recommendations because I respect their vows and I do not want the break up of their marriage on my hands. Of course I respect the man by not flirting, sleeping or doing anything that will disrespect his marriage or his wife.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:43 am

Kimmie They’re out there and strong with it. I think it happens more often than we think from both genders.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
10:44 am

Ms. Main – Yep!

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:45 am

Infamous yes there a married women just as bad as the men.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:45 am

Well she advised her daughter to go after this married doctor. A daggone shame. A misguided old woman. SMH

Professor

September 30th, 2009
10:45 am

@Dream_n I believe they took to her advice due to her age for the most part. She spoke to them with a lot of conviction and power in her voice. I am sitting there like WTF she is brainwashing and leading these ladies down the wrong path.

I will say this I knew this lady that used to run the abortion scam. Date married men and play like she was pregnant and get the money for an abortion. I am not sure if that game is still being played, but she used to run that one all the time on the same dudes to make it so bad…returning customers…lol

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:46 am

@ Professor

Did she also explain to them that one day they would married to a guy and he will soon reach his 40’s.. and there may be a young tenderoni looking to catch her prey…. So will she step aside and let another woman have her husband b/c of the advise she took???

I’m sorry this just puzzles me that women would even sit and listen to that fooly-wang non-sense!

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:47 am

lol.. Ms. Main

Nothing worse than a “misguided old woman” :)

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:50 am

Where is abc? He usually know the statistics on a bunch of random stuff.

I wonder what is the percentage of married men that actually leave their wife for the other woman? Some women be with those men for years thinking or being mislead into believing he is going to leave her, but you know it’s “complicated”. LOL Complicated my arse, he just stringing you along. If he is going to leave he would have already left.

In Hollywood you hear of it alot, but I wonder what is the actual percentage for us common folks.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2009
10:52 am

Professor – those women agreeing with that woman were desperate for a man, any man so that is why they were so eager to take that in.

I had a girlfriend who grew up with her mother’s sugar daddy always around and she thought that was the way relationships were supposed to be. A man taking care of you but going home somewhere else….SMDH

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:53 am

As a Parent you have to be sure you are not forcing your hopes and dreams on your children.. Because thats what a lot of parents do.. Because they couldnt marry a doctor theor daughter will.. Or because they couldnt play in the NBA their son will..

DJ Demi

September 30th, 2009
10:54 am

And I just have principles and married women are off limits…

We got the latin heat
For the ladies we meet
We lie, we steal, we cheat
When we fight, you get beat

What’s up ladies? It’s Chavo and Eddie
We came to have fun, and we’re ready
To get down with the mamacitas
Yeah, all the foxy senoritas
Come here girl, just take my hand
Even if you have a man
He can’t do the things we can

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:56 am

@ DK

Your 10:53 is so true

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:56 am

Hollywood? Heck they change spouses as often as they change their drawers….lol

Professor

September 30th, 2009
10:57 am

Dream_n all of the women in there were between 23-33, so her point was to get a married man in his 40s because he is spoiled, and going through midlife crisis and tired of his older wife. So he will marry them and she did mention that “we” need to make sure we let him know that he will be spoiled and pampered. I remember her telling us that she told her daughter to make sure she cooked for that doctor and stuff like that…have the house ready when he comes over nice wine finger foods etc. Since the wife probably stopped doing these things the married man would like the attention. BTW she was not married, I did not see a ring so I made a point to ask her.

I am silly by nature so I was giggling until I saw these ladies buying in to this mess.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:57 am

Dream_n Like they say…ain’t no fool like an old fool.

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
10:57 am

I had a girlfriend who grew up with her mother’s sugar daddy always around and she thought that was the way relationships were supposed to be

WOW

Professor

September 30th, 2009
10:59 am

@Mo not the sugar daddy! When you are raised one way (my parents had been married 30 years when my father passed)it is shocking after you grow up and see how some people do not mind wrecking a home knowingly.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2009
11:00 am

Melo – exactly, I felt bad for my friend b/c her mother was pushing those same ideals onto my friend. Sad…..

Fan

September 30th, 2009
11:01 am

LOL @ MS. MAIN 10:57

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2009
11:02 am

Professor – I couldnt believe it! Eventually though I just had to understand that she didnt know any different and its hard to make a child see the error in a parents ways sometimes. Ridiculous…..

i'm swiss

September 30th, 2009
11:02 am

“Hollywood? Heck they change spouses as often as they change their drawers….lol”

They wear underwear?

DJ Demi

September 30th, 2009
11:03 am

A man taking care of you but going home somewhere else

You wanna suga-daddy, go get you an old ‘igga
I got money, I’m just here to bug you girl
Can’t get none, but you know I love you girl

She the one that wanna ride hot whips, huh
Same one that ain’t really got ish, huh
She want her hair done, then get her nails done
Go to Fifth Ave, just to shop for Shanell, huh

Compelling

September 30th, 2009
11:05 am

LMAO @ “ain’t no fool like an old fool” that was funny Ms. Main.

Good Morning ALL!

Yeah that lady sounds really crazy to say the least. The mere thought of someone being out there with such malicious intentions is beyond me. I said all the time that I don’t think I could marry someone in the limelight or an athlete, let alone date them. Not to say that there aren’t those out there with redeeming qualities, but to always wonder, to know, that somewhere in another state these groupie chicks are plotting and planning on hookin’ up with your guy. I don’t put all the fault on the other woman because it takes two to tango, but damn I couldn’t live like that. These women know where to show up, where to go, what city they’ll be in, where the parties are, where their hotels are, I mean that’s no way to live.

I also won’t date or marry a man with a dangerous profession, I scare way too easily. A little off topic, but you know how it is. ;-)

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:05 am

Another point, please feel free to agree or disagree, but I feel a lot of the single folks that are not looking for other single folks are those with the guards up…hurt by love. I have asked a friend that pursued married men about this and she said at least I know what I am dealing with. It is difficult to explain, but from what I gathered she was okay being his only girlfriend, because a girlfriend and wife are two different things so it was not like she was being cheated on.

Cemeeli

September 30th, 2009
11:06 am

Mo We may have the same girlfriend.

Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mammas (yea, i speaking of gay women taking care of their partner).

sigh…

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:08 am

Most suga pappis…have no boundaries…filthy old men…the main group known for molesting kids…I have no respect for men of there class.

Professor

September 30th, 2009
11:08 am

@compelling I get your point…that is a lot of stress to deal with. I think if I dated someone on that level I would want someone like Tony Dungy.

Tazzee

September 30th, 2009
11:09 am

Good Morning!

Interesting ’study’ – I didn’t check out the link but I will admit that seeing a man handle his business with his wife and children is attractive. It’s ‘attractive’ but I’m not ‘attracted’ to him.

I haven’t pursued an attached man since I was in college and like Good Girl said – it was a game. Especially if I didn’t like the female the guy was dating. But that was back during my foolish period.

I’ve never been in a relationship and then met someone I felt I was supposed to be with. When I’m content in a relationship, the possibility of someone else doesn’t exist. When I’m not happy, I’m on my way out and if I meet someone else at that point – I can’t entertain anything with the new guy until it’s settled with the old guy.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
11:10 am

Tony Dungy lmao… the retired coach hahahahaha…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 30th, 2009
11:10 am

Professor – The majority of “bad advice” I’ve heard has been in the beauty/nail salon!LOL!! I have 2 hair stylist that I go to, one a guy I’ve been going to for years. He gives wonderful hair treatments and hair care but can’t style. The other is a lady I went to high school with that can style & cut fabulous. She owns the salon. She & one of her other stylist were trying to drop some “advice” on me last week. Trying to cast doubt on my relationship. Let’s just say if I had taken that advice, me & SO might not be together today! Granted she was working with very limited info(I don’t reveal much) and has not been around me & SO, but how she came to the conclusions she did reeked of jealousy!

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
11:13 am

Thats what ya’ll ladies dont understand.. Half of your girlfriends dont want to see you happily married unless they are happily married.. If shes single she wants you to be single.. Misery loves company..

Demigod33

September 30th, 2009
11:13 am

Profess…she just doesn’t want the emotional attachment. Nothing is wrong with that…she is better off staying single and dealing with her past hurts.

A waste

Cemeeli

September 30th, 2009
11:14 am

lol I meant…lesbo women…but there are gay men doing the same.

How does a man, take care of another man i’on know.

It’s some mess, i tell ya.