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Blame Angelina Jolie

There has been actual research on so-called “mate poaching”.  They found out that a lot of single women aren’t exactly hunting for other singles. Sometimes, they look for the coupled up men and “poach” them away from their current relationship. It’s like the Angelina Jolie syndrome because she supposedly began a relationship with Brad Pitt while he was married.

The results of the research: “Single women were more interested in the man when he was described as attached (90% interested) than when he was described as single (59%). Men showed no difference in interest between a single and attached woman.”

The thing about these studies is that don’t leave much room for the variables. It’s interesting nonetheless, to see the “scientific” analysis about why women are attracted to men who aren’t available. What are your thoughts?

When you meet someone you are attracted to, is it more appealing when you find out a person is involved with someone already? Have you ever pursued someone who had a significant other?

Have you ever been involved with someone and met somebody else that you felt you was the person you were meant to be with? How do you tell the person you are in a relationship that you are in love with another person?

614 comments Add your comment

Dan

September 30th, 2009
8:40 am

Good morning,

It isn’t the alcohol, it isn’t the lust, the only reason that people do things is because they choose to. Blaming a decision one has made on any outside stimuli is the last resort of the unrepentant.

I’m responsible for my decisions, I’ll suffer the consequences, and I’m dumb enough to leave “what I have” (no matter how bad it may be in the moment) for some that “could be better” (but usually isn’t), then that’s on me.

i'm swiss

September 30th, 2009
8:52 am

Good morning, folks.

So, who needed a scientific study to know that? Any guy could tell you that [some -- scratch that, lots of] women are more attracted to attached guys — and the hotter the girl you are with, the more “poachers” you will attract. Seriously, I get waaaaaaaaay more attention from other women when I’m out with Mrs. Swiss than I do when I’m rolling solo. And apparently my wedding band came complete with a pretty powerful magnetic force field, because now that we’re married it’s even more noticeable. I suppose these women see us and think “wow, if he’s with HER, he must really have it going on.” And, of course, I do but that’s beside the point. ;-)

mytw♥cents

September 30th, 2009
8:54 am

How did they quantify it? Did the women find men described the exact same way as more attractive or did the descriptors used make the taken men literally more attractive, so it was a no-brainer. Of course, a click of the link might reveal this, but… Finding out he’s taken is like finding out he has a negative attitude or his mentals ain’t right. Heavy sigh and move on.

I firmly believe that when it comes to knowingly vying for a taken man, the thrill of competition is a primary driver. Women who go this route allow the desire to beat out the other woma/en cloud her common sense, disregard the warning bells and press forward. They mute the voice sayung “That will be you in 6 weeks, 3 months or 2 years…” Ultimtaely, nobody can be poached if he isn’t willing to go.

Good day, PROFESSOR, if and when you stroll in. Missed your question til after the gates were closed. We posted at the same time and I was still typing. I use your name when I’m tossing sumthin your way so you’d be sure to catch it. Jay Z happened to be on my mind…

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2009
8:57 am

I was gonna give this study the ” :???: ” face, but I assume these women were judging these men without knowing if they were single or attached up front. We’ve often said on here that we get more “play” after someone has already snatched us up, probably because we give off a different vibe when we are coupled up… so I get it.

There have been a few times where I’ve met a dude, and have been vibing with him only to have him bring up a girlfriend later on in the conversation. Happened to me a couple times in New Orleans this past weekend. That blows and that’s when he becomes off-limits and unattractive to me. But I can say that had he been single, I would have totally been open to pursuing something.

Nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who is unavailable. The problem is when you decide to pursue when you know he isn’t. I can’t do that…I won’t do that.

Morning all.

fred

September 30th, 2009
9:00 am

I have no idea as to why, but as soon as I put on that ring, more women paid attention to me, still do 20 years latter.

It felt good to be the one to say No, even if it was only once. (No, I have not said yes to anyone other than my wife.)

AmazonRed™ - got my human Snuggie for fall

September 30th, 2009
9:01 am

Welcome fall. It’s snuggling weather! :)

AmazonRed™ - got my human Snuggie for fall

September 30th, 2009
9:03 am

“wow, if he’s with HER, he must really have it going on.” And, of course, I do but that’s beside the point.

:lol: Morning Swiss.

MC

September 30th, 2009
9:03 am

So that’s how they get men? I see people get parking spaces the same way. They don’t want an empty one — they want one that somebody might be about to back out of, some time in the next half hour, and they’ll gladly wait for it, holding up traffic.

i'm swiss

September 30th, 2009
9:13 am

Morning, ARed. What? Did I say something funny? ;-)

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:18 am

Speaking bluntly, some people just want what they can’t have. It’s a challenge for them. Taking another woman’s man is like a badge of honor for some tricks…I mean chicks. And I guess she feels good about herself when she has a man that is risking it all for her. Which actually shows pretty low self-esteem.

Now on a softer side, LOL, married men are somewhat the epitome of a man that is not afraid of commitment. And he is marriage material to at least one woman. There must something great about him if a woman chained him. However, how much of marriage material is he if and when he cheats on his wife with a woman that finds his wedding to be a magnet.

Despite popular belief a great deal of married men are generally happy and more relaxed. Some of them give off a good air because they are being taken care of and women can pick up on that.

Married men have been trained by their wives already when it comes to household chores and activities, LOL, so a woman may see that as a ready made husband. He already knows the ropes.

But you know our married men just have to have stay focused because the trifling tricks are swarming all around us.

Cemeeli

September 30th, 2009
9:19 am

…it’s time to hibernate…

Morning!

Cee’s breakfast selection: Grits (cheese, butter, fish, sugar choose your tast)…just a nice bowl of good ole grits…

Swissman That “happy & bliss” condition is coming off you, that’s why women are more attracted to you now…It’s like a magnet like you said.

The flip side is…you better not treat/test/tip/try that other grass….you know Home Depot return policy is not good towards tainted/used merchandise. Better remember your grass “type” and why you bought it in the first place!

^^^a clue^^^

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
9:19 am

Good Morning All,

Never chased an attached man..got pursued by a few. Its flattering, the attention is nice and frankly if you are not interested in a full-time relationship then its easy to maintain. I don’t really blame Angelina because as Dan pointed out its all about choices. Brad had a choice and he made it. How many kids are he and Angelina up to now by the way?

Tripp

September 30th, 2009
9:21 am

Its totally the thrill of the chase. It’s more challenging to go after someone that is in a relationship. It’s also about not having to deal with the worst parts. If you hook up with someone that already has an “other” then you get only the best. If the sex is awsome, that’s even better. I’ve been on both sides, and I tell you, even if it’s only once in your life, that thrill is like getting on a coaster for the first time and loving it. Of course, I wont do it again, but it was fun while it lasted!

I know you guys are going to bash me for this, but I felt like I had to just say it like it was:)

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
9:25 am

Affair Humor

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. ‘Hurry,’ she said, ’stand in the corner.’ She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. ‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ she said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’ ‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room. ‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied. ‘The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.’ No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer..’Here,’ he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.’

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:29 am

frankly if you are not interested in a full-time relationship then its easy to maintain

Yeah Kym I was thinking that too. A wife has to deal with every area of her husband, the good, the bad and the ugly. A woman on the side does not. She don’t have to be bothered with him all the time. She gets a “husband” without having to be the wife.

spinmonkey

September 30th, 2009
9:30 am

maybe they have decided that an attached male is easier to walk away from when it’s time to move on to a new partner… after all, i think we are talking about women who are still playing, not women who want serious relationships…

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:30 am

Tripp no need for bashing. We all have our story to tell and you are entitled to tell yours.

AmazonRed™ - got my human Snuggie for fall

September 30th, 2009
9:33 am

:lol: @ Kym’s joke.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
9:37 am

@ Tripp

I highly doubt anyone is living in a glass house/so no need for judgements…
You might get a side eye, but no bashing
:)

I myself don’t understand the logic of being with a “married man”. Like Dan said there’s no excuse as to why, you choose to do what you do. I am a full believer in karma. So when you do dirt it’s going to come back to haunt you.. it may not be right away but you’ll pay sometime in your life.

I never got the thrill of chasing a man that is attached?? *puzzles the hell outta me*. So when he goes home to his wife and prolly kids, what do you do??? Maybe these woman have some underlying self esteem problems idk.. just sad though.

aggwitty

September 30th, 2009
9:37 am

Chris Rock told us what this study is saying like 7 years ago

“now that you married and she took the crust out your eye, put a tic tac in your mouth you get calls from old girlfriends like ‘me and my girlfriend are having d-sucking contest and we want you to be the judge’”

JAMES

September 30th, 2009
9:40 am

I agree with Dan and Im Swiss. You are both very correct in what you’ve said.

i'm swiss

September 30th, 2009
9:42 am

“Better remember your grass “type” and why you bought it in the first place!”

Morning, Cee… Trust me, there is absolutely no danger of me forgetting that. Fortunately, I’m old enough & have romped around in enough other grass in my day that I can say with absolute certainty that there is no greener grass than Mrs. Swiss’s. ;-)

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
9:42 am

Aside from any asinine reason maybe given, it’s about choices….point blank. I don’t blame either side,one over the other. I blame both. If you go after and get, you’re selfish and greedy. If you’re sought after and gotten, you’re greedy and selfish. I’m going with Dan on this one. I don’t recognize (right who am I) the relationship of Angelina and Brad. I don’t think it’s cute by any means. They can do all the charity work they want, have/adopt all the babies they want and appear to be the epitome of bliss. What they did was wrong. I’m only happy Jennifer was such a lady and as graceful about it as displayed. I don’t think I would have been that nice about it. But yeah, it’s about choices…..from both ends.

Cemeeli

September 30th, 2009
9:43 am

Okay! aggw I ’bout chocked reading your post…

Good Girl in Atlanta

September 30th, 2009
9:49 am

When I read this story, I thought about the old cliché, “I’m going on a man hunt!” Sometimes, it was just a game to see if I could bait men (mostly married). This “experiment” would take place in settings like a club. I would see if I could get their phone numbers and meet afterwards. Ninety percent of the time, it worked. Another experiment was with ex boyfriends. I would find the places that they frequent and show up. Looking exceptionally good, of course! These ex boyfriends had either married or in committed relationships. I would put on my fabulous (sexy, of course!) outfits when we had our encounter. One hundred percent of the time, he was captivated and we hooked up (you know what I mean!) At that time in my life, it was a game. I didn’t want these guys. Especially when I knew how easy, it was to get them.

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:49 am

now that you married and she took the crust out your eye, put a tic tac in your mouth

Aggwitty I agree with that. After a good woman have buffed him up a bit he becomes more attractive.

Ladies don’t you hate when you get with a guy, spruce him up, dress him real nice, get him to shake some of his bad habits and then all of sudden women are coming out the woodwork at him. Especially the ones who would not give him the time of day before.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
9:52 am

Dream_n you call it karma, I call it reaping what you sowed….for sure. No stones go unturned. You put it out there, you’re getting it back.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

September 30th, 2009
9:52 am

Ms.Main that 9:42 was the truth plain and simple.

AmazonRed™ - got my human Snuggie for fall

September 30th, 2009
9:52 am

I think folks are taking the blog title a little too literally. While I don’t disagree it’s about choice (and who would really), doesn’t really speak to the meat of the topic. IMO, of course.

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:54 am

Ms.Main I agree. It is both of their bad doings when they engage.

But my thing is with the women who knowingly go for the married men even when the men are not interested. There are men out there that don’t take the bait but it does not stop the women from trying. A lot of them are trying.

And we all know there are men that go after married women also.

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
9:56 am

Good Girl I choose to believe that married men hanging out at the clubs aren’t that hard to snag. Actually that’s probably what they are there for. No married man should be out clubbing.

He is inviting trouble and he is willing.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
9:57 am

Raqi I may be way out in left field but I don’t necessarily agree with your statement of a woman grooming her husband which in turns sends his stock rises and the hunt begans. That sounds one-sided. It’s about choices. He nor she can cheat…unless they want to. No hooplah around that.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
9:59 am

Well frankly I am not getting married if I have to fix boogers and wipe crust and put up with funky breath. I don’t want a fixer-upper for a house much less a husband.

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:02 am

Ms. Main you took it the wrong way. It was sorta tongue-in-cheek based off of what aggwitty said. And I was not saying that the man will cheat just because a woman finds him more attractive.

I was simply saying that some married just look better. LOL

And on the serious I have heard a few men say that a woman that they have tried to get with suddenly find them appealing when he moves on from trying to get her to one that will be with him. That does not mean or imply that he will cheat because of it.

Cemeeli

September 30th, 2009
10:03 am

“me and my girlfriend are having d-sucking contest and we want you to be the judge’”

Oh my!

My brother appreciates me sending him that early morning humor aggw.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

September 30th, 2009
10:03 am

Tazzee Mae..when you get a chance check your gmail. I am sending you some wedding inspiration that was passed on to me.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:03 am

Kym – Ummmm You do know theres a Porn Star named Dominique Devereax right.. What are you saying Kim?

Melodramatizulu

September 30th, 2009
10:06 am

Despite popular belief a great deal of married men are generally happy and more relaxed. Some of them give off a good air because they are being taken care of and women can pick up on that

RAQI??

girl, u took the words exactly outta my mouth.

we do give off a certain vibe..when i enter the room, im scanning it to see where the best seat might be at and not scanning the ladies in the seats(like a single horny dude wld) and i do it in such a nonchalant,”i dont care about ur all eyeing heifers” that,that in itself is what attracts them.Funny, aint it??!!!

Same with attached ladies.
They do what the do,not to attract the menfolk but coz she got some last nite,she relaxed and happy and domesticated so much that the guy sees her shiny azz,bouncy and all but she got this walk AND the ring and he says,”"shytt,she married?, NAW, I think she can give me play,why she so kinda flirty and talky talky”" And yeah,she smiles at u when u aproach,coz she confident and secure in herslef like that BUT ur horny wang reads it so waaay offside! Coz the unattached girl is so tense when u apprach her,hasnt got some in months and if she did, it was a quickie,no cuddling love at all.A married chic gives a different vibe.

Mytwo wld interpret that a lil differently than i did since she more physhological and technical,but yeah,thats it!

Morning folks!!

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:06 am

Raqi for the record a married man on the hunt is the worst. Believe that. They don’t get the N or the O. Both men and women that cheat are both knowingly going for what they shouldn’t. Just because you’re married doesn’t make it become emphatic to women. It’s a leveraged equally wrong pursuit whomever, whichever side (being male or female) that hunts.

You said —> ……married men even when the men are not interested. There are men out there that don’t take the bait….

A moot point. No?

Sassy I felt so bad for her but she was head and shoulders throughout that ordeal

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:06 am

Well women like that smell a married man puts off.. They know he’s been trained and will commit. The problem I run into is the fact that I have been married women seem to think Im just dying to run down the aisle with them.. Yeah the dating game sucks but I want a girl in a committed relationship without all the lets get married mumbo jumbo..

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:06 am

Maybe I need to go back and read the topic again because I thought we were talking about women that are attracted to the unavailable. Why do they possibly find them attractive, appealing, interesting instead of going after a single man.

Not that men will find that a reason to cheat…

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:07 am

Raqi…gotcha…our posts are overlapping…

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2009
10:09 am

Hey lets get something clear today.. Married women are out here too on the hunt for boyfriend number 2.. I meet so many married women its a shame.. I dont do married women though cause a dude will kill you bout a chick he done gave his last name to. And I just have principles and married women are off limits..

Raqi

September 30th, 2009
10:09 am

Well women like that smell a married man puts off.. They know he’s been trained and will commit.

Infamous that’s what I am saying right there.

Ms. Main

September 30th, 2009
10:12 am

Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, just blame it on the boogie

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2009
10:12 am

Morning All!

ARed – cosigning this one ..”The problem is when you decide to pursue when you know he isn’t. I can’t do that…I won’t do that.”

I think there is something attractive about a married man that is committed to his relationship and not still shopping for opportunities. However I dont want to get involved with a married man, its just wrong

Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)

September 30th, 2009
10:13 am

Ms.Main yeah Jen did handle herself and that situation very well.

Dan

September 30th, 2009
10:13 am

The other part of the equation is “the benefit(s) of being the other man/woman”.

Playing the role of the non committed party is easy. There’s no emotional need to fulfill (if you don’t want to), no time to give (if you don’t want to). From this position, it’s almost only about getting your needs met as an individual.

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:13 am

Maybe I must be cut from a different cloth b/c when I encounter a married/attached man and they try to pusue me, it’s a turn off…

Dream_n

September 30th, 2009
10:15 am

@ Ms. Main

i love that song … MJ :)