The Chase Has Changed
It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued. When it’s a guy we really like all the gestures, time, and effort he puts into spending time with us builds chemistry. It’s something we don’t like going without once we’ve had it.
Are guys still interested in chasing women, though? I think they are, to a degree. I think the way they pursue women has changed. The chase style of men varies of course but what keeps a man engaged in the chase?
Guys there are totally new ways you pursue women but we don’t always know when it’s happening. What is your pursuit style? Does your pursuit style depend on whether you are pursuing a serious relationship or something casual? How would a woman know the difference?
Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how? In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?
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353 comments Add your comment
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
9:16 am
Being pursued and courted was hot. To have a guy earnestly vying for your affection was a total turn on. I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.
Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.
mytw♥cents... My L♥ve
September 29th, 2009
9:22 am
Has it? Mayhaps it’s that I don’t give much energy to the whole idea of a chase. Where someone is fleeing from the pursuit. I think the dance between men and women is more akin to a good game of Hide n Go Get It… where you conveniently allow yourself to be caught up with. Note the “conveniently allow” part. One of the *clearing throat* relatively few male rants I give credence to on here is the idea of reciprocity and how women need to make it clear that they are not only receptive to dudes, but returning the interest. He should know that the interest he displays in you is shared. I don’t think it’s rational or reasonable to expect someone decent to continue to try to make headway when you have a fortress set up to protect your mind and body. Which leads me to my constant confusion about men who mainly focus on women who are “a challenge” (read: Not into them, Don’t know they exist, Have exiled them to the Friend Zone.) If that’s not both irrational and unreasonable, I don’t know what is!
what do you love most about being
pursuedengaged? I love being engaged on my level. After an initial exchange, it’s obvious who’s genuine becuase they come at me like I’M ME. And if not, I will remind him that his flow should be mytw♥-customized going forward. They weed themselves out from there.Dan
September 29th, 2009
9:38 am
@My2
Sooooooooooo appreciative of that post.
Reciprocity ahhhhh
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
9:39 am
TwoLincolns while I agree somewhat with you on the reciprocating guys need to realize when a woman is not interested.
IMO the pursuit starts after the mutual interest has been established. That’s what I think courting is. Like you said stop chasing women who obviously do not want to be caught.
Interest does not mean a man has snagged his prey it just means she is interested to possibly find out what he has going on. Now it’s up to him to keep her interested and draw her in closer. And she if interested owes it to him to reciprocate. However once she shows disinterest he needs to move on.
Tazzee - back in stride again
September 29th, 2009
9:40 am
Morning Folks!!
My Thursday ailment turned out to be strep. I’m good now though.
Yes, I think the chase has changed. More women are pursuing, men are hanging back. I don’t go to clubs much, but I’ve noticed that guys don’t ask women to dance – women are asking men to dance. Folks exchange numbers for sport and like Raqi stated, there are those that like the chase only.
I always enjoyed being pursued and the few times I tried my hat at being the pursuer fell flat. I’ve stated many times before that I think the initial interaction sets the tone for the entire relationship. What I enjoyed about being pursued is that the man had no problem going after what he wanted. I believe in reciprocity so if I was interested in a guy, he knew. If I wasn’t, he didn’t have to guess about that either.
Even now, my fiance’ and I still ‘pursue’ one another even though the ‘chase’ is over. It feels good to know that, while he knows I’m not going anywhere, he doesn’t take that fact for granted.
ImAPeach404
September 29th, 2009
9:46 am
I enjoy being pursued – I don’t see it as “chasing” but more like showing interest. My current “friend” was not taking no for an answer. And not in a creepy way either. He was just persistent and was very verbal in expressing his interest. He wore me down and I’ve been very pleased every since.
The only issue I have with being heavily pursued is when the level of interest beings to slow – or, should I say… level.
We were talking Sunday night and he said “If I could spend 4 days out of 7 with you, I would”
Me? Screwfac.
Him? Giant smile.
Fellas… was that a positive statement???
As far as if the wondering if the chase has changed – I would say yes. For every 10 guys that stare and never approach, maybe one will. Maybe.
NY2GA, Inc.(Just Left Dontdatehimgirl.com...Dayuuum)
September 29th, 2009
9:51 am
I think Raqi hit the nail on the head and I agree with her. The game has changed. Quite frankly I think that some our our sisters are the ones that messed the game up. The game changed when women stopped using their femininity to throw hints of interest at a man and were in some cases assertive in showing their interest. Instead, we are in the days where there are some women throwing themselves at anything with a job and a dizzle because they want to have a man (any man will do). Or, they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach. Why court someone who is so quick to give it all away? Assertiveness and aggressiveness are two differnt things.
But, I do see that there are still men that are willing to engage in more courtship practices if they feel that the woman is quality and she reciprocates.
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
9:51 am
Well mytwosense…guess i’ll go ride off into the crisp Fall air and play a lil soft music for that proper explanation from your post…
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
9:53 am
Glad you are over the Strep Tazzee Mae. eeewww…i know how that feels.
poor thing…
Kym-is in Football hell
September 29th, 2009
9:54 am
Now I dont have a problem showing a guy I have a interest in him. However after I have expressed my interest and given him a opportunity to respond if he is slow on the uptake, or is not showing any interest at all. I back off.
Now this has caused some confusion for a few fellows because later they say I thought you were interested in me. I am however, you did not response so I figured you were not interested in my interest in you. So I pushed the heck on.
Some guys like to be chased. My stance is I will chase you until you catch me.
Kym-is in Football hell
September 29th, 2009
9:57 am
@NY please dont tell me the W8 affair of 2009 has made its way to don’t date him girl. Lawd.
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
9:57 am
Three Words Daily – Must have F.A.I.T.H.
Forsaking A I Trust Him. Any questions.
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
10:00 am
That should have read
Forsaking All I Trust Him.
Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)
September 29th, 2009
10:01 am
Morning All – Im a lil sad after hearing/seeing about that teenager in Chicago….senseless murder
NY2GA – I agree wholeheartedly with this… “Instead, we are in the days where there are some women throwing themselves at anything with a job and a dizzle because they want to have a man (any man will do). Or, they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach.” People seem to be doing more settling as opposed to knowing what they want and going for that.
I have been the one to pursue but like Tazzee, those instances didnt fair well in the end. In the end I prefer the old fashioned way of being pursued.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
10:02 am
Tazzee I am glad you are feeling better.
Kym-is in Football hell
September 29th, 2009
10:03 am
@Sexy..I prefer E.G.O. Edging God(Goddess) Out
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
10:06 am
Good Morning all…
I have to agree with Raqi on the fact that now a days it’s more about the chase rather than the catch… Most guys these days under the age bracket of 30 are just immature. They tend to measure their dating success on how many women they can aquire..ughh!!
I personally love the art of the “cat and mouse” game.. ans long as both parties ultimately want to end up together. Why play the game and continue running.. doesn’t make any sense. I have a friend that likes to play the “game” but can’t difure out why she’s single. I tell her guys like the chase, they don’t want everything given to them easily (although they’ll take it), but they can’t keep running after you forever. Eventually they’ll get tired.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
10:09 am
Im a lil sad after hearing/seeing about that teenager in Chicago….senseless murder
I’m with you Mo… it was so sad.. I refuse to watch the video. I don’t want to see a murder. I can’t believe that the kids of these days are so violent. smh
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
10:13 am
I’ll add yet another signature to the co-signing of My2 and a head nod to Raqi.
The thing I will say is this – Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
10:18 am
“But, I do see that there are still men that are willing to engage in more courtship practices if they feel that the woman is quality and she reciprocates.” –NY2GA
Agreed, and there you have it.
NY2GA, Inc.
September 29th, 2009
10:21 am
@Kym…Yep. Put on front street.
Mike Jones (who)
September 29th, 2009
10:22 am
Miss Cooool!
What do you consider “a little bit extra”?
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:22 am
I like what likes me.. Plain and simple.. If Im trying to get you I like to know you wanna be got..
ImAPeach404
September 29th, 2009
10:25 am
..they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach
I see this in one of my closest girlfriends. She goes from 0 to 60 in her sexual advances when she first meets a dude. And I mean… the initial meeting. She’s always got her boobs out, rubs up on them, makes freaky comments. SMH. I don’t get why she doesn’t understand why she’s still single. Granted, I’m single too… but I don’t understand her tactics.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
10:25 am
“Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?” — Giv’me
What does “make myself available and am engaging” mean?
To me, that’s not enough. Any woman who simply wants to get out of the house “makes herself available,” so that doesn’t mean much to guys looking for long-term potential.
THE INFAMOUS Female Body Inspector DK
September 29th, 2009
10:30 am
Ok ladies I work for the FBI now and I am looking to solve some cases..
DJ D
September 29th, 2009
10:30 am
Enter your comments here
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:31 am
Hee hee!
DJ Demi
September 29th, 2009
10:34 am
I know you seen me on the video (true)
I know you heard me on the radio (true)
But you still don’t pay me no attention
Listenin to what your girlfriends mention
He’s a slut, he’s a hoe, he’s a freak
Got a different girl every day of the week
It’s cool, not tryin to put a rush on you
I had to let you know that I got a crush on you
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:38 am
Chase smase.. You better come on in.. Get out that rain before somebody else takes your spot under this travelers umbrella..
SassyMe
September 29th, 2009
10:39 am
She’s always got her boobs out, rubs up on them, makes freaky comments
maybe she likes that itch scrathed…
Is she a good closer ImAPeach404 albeit short term closings??
who needs to chase when u can be chased?
For most females under 35 these days,their mantra is Three Lil Words:
Chase the Dizzle
We are in the microwave generation folks…quick results and mutliple/maximum rotations and instant sexxual gratification.
I think Raqi and Tazze set the tone on this correctly.And Mytwo,babe, i dont think there are women with fortresses any more!
Its a front jus so they get the one they targetting.Let the “right” one be on their door step…its str8 to bed,game over!No discovery,noi knowing each other etc to cultivate that deep desire and affection.None.
Look at………neva mind!
Merning!
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
10:43 am
SexyCool for me that little “extra” meant catering to my interests.
I think one mistake that men and women both make is group dating. We group all other men/women in the same bucket. Text booking dating. What works for or interests one does not work for all. To go the extra step to know interest and cater to those is the extra. It separates you from last one. It goes beyond just going thru motion.
Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)
September 29th, 2009
10:43 am
Dream_n – be glad you didnt watch it, I shouldnt have. SIGH
ImAPeach404 – I have a friend that is the same way but always complaining about being single. She has this warped mindset on standing out amongst a crowd of women. I told her I didnt want to hear anymore complaints from her about being single.
Wassup DJ Demi!! Go on and throw some Biggie in there fo ya gurl puh-leeze
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
10:45 am
As I thought about the question of what is a little bit extra? I realize that because of the way that things have changed in our society what I consider a little bit extra would have been just considered a normal part of the courting process in times past. The special “I’m just thinking about you” phone calls (and now text messages), the compliments, being expressive about how you’re digging me, the chivalry of opened doors and pulled back chairs.
As to what does making myself available and engaging mean? When someone shows interest in me and I too am interested in them, I make it known and since I can have a rather busy schedule, I make certain that I make time to spend with someone that I consider special.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:46 am
I like the thrill of the big hunt..
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 29th, 2009
10:46 am
Good morning lovely people!
Taz, my experience has been like yours, the few times I tried to make the first move fell completely flat, rather sad really!LOL!! I LOVE to be pursued and when I am interested, I know how to let the pursuer know. There are no mixed signals – when I am not I don’t reciprocate under any circumstances, not trying to spare feelings or anything, just respectfully say no thank you.
I noticed that men that are serious about a relationship pursue with the most vigor. No, the art of the chase is not lost when a man is about it! My SO let me know right up front he was interested and took it from there. I let him know what I was all about and that I found him interesting too, and I have NO TROUBLE reciprocating. Thus we are give and take! But he is very much the man. I appreciate that – it is HOT and WONDERFUL!
Dudes that are lazy and half-way with it, even when I showed interest, are so tired and a complete turn-off.
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 29th, 2009
10:47 am
DJ Demi – I love that song!
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:48 am
blah blah blah bla blah.. Get you a$$ in this car and lets riiiiide..
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:49 am
Give it to me.. Give that funk that sweet that nasty that gushy stuff..
Grace
September 29th, 2009
10:51 am
I’m really enjoying the comments this morning, Raqi/Mytwo comments are on point….Sassy you’re on point too with instant gratification…..Dream take it up a notch to 50, I’ve met some very immature 40ish men.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:52 am
No seriously if I like you I’ll go the extra mile to show you that you are on my radar.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
10:52 am
Infamous the chase is not one running while the other follow after. But I think it’s like I said earlier drawing one in. However that too can depend on what one is looking for.
Most men will not turn down the goods being thrown at them and he didn’t have to pursue it. But when a guy is looking for something meaningful he pursues it. He gets to know it. He keeps it interested. He reels it in. Am I wrong?
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:54 am
Flowers dinner and most importantly engaging conversations that let you know who I am and what Im about.. Im a very private person and for me to let you inside the mind of DK is huge for me..
Grace
September 29th, 2009
10:55 am
Mo I saw that video yesterday, so sad, and the people standing there didn’t even help, I take that back, one person did but he was scared away by the guy with the two by four. I couldn’t sleep last night, seeing that video tormented my soul.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
10:56 am
Raqi – Correctamundo.. Look at the big brain on Raqi.. Now what do the call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
10:56 am
my experience has been like yours, the few times I tried to make the first move fell completely flat, rather sad really!LOL!!
LMAO… that’s funny (never had the courage to initiate beyond a smile)
The courting has been lost in this day and age..(for the most part). My associates/friends range from my age of 18 and up to mid 30’s… The lower part of the scale is so messed up!!! My guy friends will see a very attractive girl and say I’m going to get her.. and I’m like “get her” or “get her”…
They just want to conquer women and see how many they can get unfer their belt and MOST of the women fall for it, b/c they don’t value themselves. They see nice looking guy in a nice car.. and they see dollar signs or an upgrade… so they do anything necessary to get on that team. It’s quite sickening if you ask me…
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
10:57 am
Being pursued is like a breath of fresh air. The fact that someone is interested in you makes you smile for no apparent reason. It’s a renewal of one’s soul. However, both parties have to have the desire to participate in the pursuit. It’s extremely heartwarming to catch the interest of another!
aggwitty
September 29th, 2009
10:58 am
Dudes not chasing cause broads not running. Its simple math. Its gotten to a point where there are so many women willing to be caught with limited to no pursuit then human nature takes over for the dude.
Lets put it in simple terms
You got a million bucks sitting on the table and all you have to do is reach out and grab it and its your
you got 1.25 million bucks sitting down the hall from you, but you have to go through a gauntlet of stuff to get to it. It could take a week or it could take 4 to get down that hall
do a CBA on that and tell me which one you gonna take?
Mike Jones (who)
September 29th, 2009
10:59 am
The chase is fun, as long as its interesting and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It Brings out the inner Tarzan when you chase a female you are interested in and get your prize! I personally don’t like to be aggresively pursued by a female. Kind of a turn off…If she shows the initial interest and the feeling is mutual then I’ll take it from there. But if she is after me with a steak knife and fork she seems a little desperate. (not a good look!)
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 29th, 2009
11:00 am
Grace – I second that comment on the immature 40+ men. No age limit on silly.
No seriously if I like you I’ll go the extra mile to show you that you are on my radar.
DK – If women only get one thing today out of this topic, your above statement is it. Every man I have ever known or known of has been that way. If he’s not showing you, you’re not the one.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
11:00 am
I pursed my EX wife but she was pursueable. She was carefree and charasmatic about her approach but not so free that she was gonna let me jump her bones without the proper verfication. She stopped a Bro smooth in his tracks on our second date when I got a case of octopus hands. She did it in a way that let me know thats we are gonna get to that just not now.. I couldnt wait to see her again after that because I knew she was special.. The next few times I saw her I didnt even try her because I didnt wanna mess us up.
Kym has got to laugh to keep from crying.
September 29th, 2009
11:01 am
Also there are just some flat out socially inept men. If a woman shows an interest in them. I think they have spent so much time getting rejected they are not sure how to respond to someone who is trying to get to know them. Its like they are waiting on the other shoe to drop.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.
Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.
Morning all! I think Raqi summed it up well in her first post.
Have I missed anything good?
Chink
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
Yes I like to be pursued. I am actually turned off by guys who think women should make the first move.
While I will put myself out there for the right person …I won’t go overboard with it. I like myself too much
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
SexyCool yeah, I don’t think folks do that much these days. The phone calls just to talk that are not geared toward hooking up later. Good ole fashion dating is lost.
And one of the saddest things today is folks out there dating somebody who is not dating them. When one is doing all the calling, planning all the dates, sending all the text messages that person is not dating you, you are alone in dating them. The chase is not being reciprocated however one continues to grant the benefits. See if for what it is.
Mike Jones (who)
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
She stopped a Bro smooth in his tracks on our second date when I got a case of octopus hands. She did it in a way that let me know thats we are gonna get to that just not now.. I couldnt wait to see her again after that because I knew she was special.. The next few times I saw her I didnt even try her because I didnt wanna mess us up.
Exactly!!!!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Dudes not chasing cause broads not running.
Agg – So not the natural order of things either! That’s why things are so messed up.
Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Grace – me too chica, it took me a while to fall asleep. That was just crazy
DK – loving the 10:52 and its so true.
Leggs – in adding to your post, its like the newness of it all is so intoxicating. And with the interest being reciprocated it seems so ‘easy’…if that makes sense.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Grace – I second that comment on the immature 40+ men. No age limit on silly
True Indeed..
What about the men that are overly aggressive… like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too?? hmmmm
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
11:06 am
Kimmie – If a dude wants you he wil sacrice his life for yours.. Meaning he will do exactly whats necessary to get you. Walk your Chihuahua, massage your stinky feet and put up with your nothing a$$ girlfriends and their lame husbands or dudes..
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:06 am
Raqi – I will say this – I’m not looking for a phone marathon, but a “Hey, how are you? How was your day? I was thinking about you.” is sufficient.
Elijah
September 29th, 2009
11:08 am
Good Morning everybody!
Ah Le Chase….. Their is nothing like chasing a woman!
I luv to chase, court and romance a woman!
Hello Ms. Sassy!
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:09 am
Today is Carrington’s birthday.
Chink
September 29th, 2009
11:10 am
Mike and Elijah ….So nice to hear that.
Grace
September 29th, 2009
11:10 am
like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too??-strong>Dream that’s the stalking game.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
September 29th, 2009
11:12 am
For the “other” Sassy @ your 10:39 good point but don’t front with the moniker,yo.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
September 29th, 2009
11:14 am
Eli that first comment @10:39 wasn’t me but they say imitation is the best form of flattery…anyhoo, did you get my email?
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:17 am
I don’t think any quality a human naturally possess can ever die. I’m of the belief and mindset that men naturally pursue woman… and will still do it as it’s their nature. It’s how God made him. As it was intended is how it should be. However, when women buy into the ratio blunder (although I still say the ration ain’t as high as catured in statistics but being recycled), lower their standards, giving out azz like samples then no, why would men pursue? There’s the flip flop going on that I feel is such a tragedy. I sex you first and decide later if you’re a keeper. Women shouldn’t be afraid to raise the ante (sp). ANYTHING worth having is worth the work. The times may have changed and we as a world have evolved but human relations ain’t never changed. Things like wanting sex in 3 days or you’re out or handing out azz in samples are what’s causing schism. That’s not natural, that’s not how it was intended and that mindset will continue to have victims…no matter the gender…that’s just my opinion though.
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
11:21 am
“ANYTHING worth having is worth the work.”
Ms. Main – GREAT sum-up. hmmm…
Ms.Sunshine
September 29th, 2009
11:22 am
Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how? In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?
The chase has changed because women will chase a man, instead of vise versa. In fact, some men expect to be chased!LOL
My SO chased me, well, courted me and it was quite nice. I loved it. I loved being taken on dates and not being asked about sex later as a reward. I think that’s why I fell for him, I was courted, not in a game of “how many dates/concerts can I take her on before I can get some?”
Demi
September 29th, 2009
11:23 am
Mo…my biggie post didn’t make it.
Grace
September 29th, 2009
11:24 am
I like things in moderation, when it comes to the chase, moderation is the key. My attention is on high alert with a steady pace, but the overly aggressive ones that come on too strong I shut em down since I know where their head is at. I’ve chased one guy, I chased a lil then he chased a lil, we both was slow as a turtle, in the end I got the guy. LOL
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:26 am
Ms.Main I agree. That’s why I say the men have become lazy because the women have allowed it.
It’s a man’s proper position to pursue. But like aggwitty say when you have some laying it right there in front of you some will take less because it’s easier.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:26 am
yeah, I don’t think folks do that much these days. The phone calls just to talk that are not geared toward hooking up later. Good ole fashion dating is lost.
Raqi – I agree. That’s why I insist on it, even if it means the guy will move on to easier “prey.” It’s not worth it to date someone who’s not interest in dating or really getting to know me! It’s never that lonely for me.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:31 am
Raqi Am I wrong?
No ma’am…you hit the nail on the head.
My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically. It’s old school but I get this. Women are now more educated and can buy all sorts or products to enhances the outer beauty and just doing it for ourselves but that inner beauty is the thing to possess. All that other shiny stuff (IMO) has set some of us back in more ways than we know. That inner can’t be bought or school taught….again….just my opinion
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:33 am
“a man’s proper position” Really?
just like ‘one size don’t fit all’ for women, it doesn’t for men either.
All due respect Raqi, I for one refuse to accept that premise.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:34 am
ARed That’s why I insist on it, even if it means the guy will move on to easier “prey.”
I agree
Cemeeli Thanks
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:34 am
That’s why I insist on it
I like what Infamous said yesterday about style, it’s effortless. When I guy is feeling you it will not have to be insisted upon it will happen naturally. Some things should not have to be spoken or addressed in the least bit. It’s natural.
Tazzee - back in stride again
September 29th, 2009
11:36 am
If a dude wants you he wil sacrifice his life for yours.. Meaning he will do exactly whats necessary to get you..
I’ve found that to be true. Thanks for confirming that DK.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
11:37 am
“My SO chased me, well, courted me and it was quite nice. I loved it. I loved being taken on dates and not being asked about sex later as a reward. I think that’s why I fell for him, I was courted, not in a game of “how many dates/concerts can I take her on before I can get some?”” — Ms. Sunshine
That’s great to hear.
Unfortunately, sex is the only “pay-off” when dating some women. I’m not saying I agree with the thought, but it’s part of the reality.
I’ve met many nice and decent women, but most lacked that ability to mentally and emotionally engage me.
If I enjoy being around you because you are engaging and have great conversation skills (and no ladies, sitting quietly and “listening” or talking 47 minutes straight is NOT conversation, lol), I’m less concerned about sex. I still want it, but I’m not focused on it.
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
11:37 am
My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically…
A virtuos women.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth….
DJ Demi
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
Damn Ma, I love you like the lah, the ganja
Sensimilla, can I feel ya
All I wanna do is touch ya
The ultimate rush, you’re drugs baby
Damn Ma, I love you like the lah, the ganja
Sensimilla, can I feel ya
All I wanna do is touch ya
The ultimate rush, you’re drugs baby
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
My husband and I were talking once about our coming together and he admitted to reeling me in. He asked me if I really thought he continued to drive all the way across town for an entire year to bring my son home for me just because he liked the drive. Uh, nope. LOL He was working on me.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
It’s never that lonely for me.
Say it again!!
I rememberwhen i first got with my “current” we would talk on the phone for hours… from what we did for the day to politics….
What happened to a guy picking you up taking you out to dinner and a walk on the beach/ Now i see some girls picking up the guy lmao!! (i guess if he doesn’t have a car that’s fine but ehhh…
i was talking to my best friend yesterday and she was telling me how sh’e so tired of dating these Unofficial men… I was like huh? She’s like these guys tat don’t have their ish together… who want to date you but don’t have a job and still lives with their mom… She was talking to a guy that is used to dating welfare queens or video vixen wanna be girl… He didnt know how to handle a woman with her own crib, working, and doing things for herself… He was so used to the easy prey… Which goes back to Raqi’s point of the abundance of lazy azz men due to the over abundance of easy azz women…. It’s too easy now a days… “some” men are like F it….
Just like that song says: Yeah you cute but don’t let that stuff go to your head… cause what this one won’t do another one will…. smh
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:42 am
I like what Infamous said yesterday about style, it’s effortless. When I guy is feeling you it will not have to be insisted upon it will happen naturally. Some things should not have to be spoken or addressed in the least bit. It’s natural.
Raqi – I wasn’t on here yesterday…but I agree. But let’s also remember that plenty of good men and women can’t get complacent too. Sometimes you have to remind them that you won’t be one of those women who will accept anything. Sometimes that’s the jolt to let them know you aren’t the one to be toyed with.
It is natural, but sometimes we get complacent with “easy.”
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:43 am
That should have read “can get complacent too.”
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:43 am
Fred G. Sandford,Jr I think that’s why I fell for him
Are you a dude? You’re a shim?
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:44 am
Dan You refuse you accept that it’s a man’s place to pursue the woman and not the other way around? Why deny your upper hand? But you have that right however I don’t know two men personally that would rather a woman throw herself at him and he not pursue her. If that’s what you like then I can’t knock it.
And you know one thing I truly believe, however whatever a relationship’s beginning is will be the nature of it’s full term. If a woman clobbered you over the head and drug you home, she will more than likely solely rule the relationship.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
11:48 am
Ms. Main – I’m a dude.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:50 am
Dan is who popped in my head when I mentioned I sex you first and then decide to toss you back if don’t likey. If I can paraphrase, he stated some time ago, what’s the big deal in a woman holding out. Why couldn’t they just have sex and if afterwards he wasn’t feeling her, he’d let her go. SMH
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:52 am
@Raqi
I’m not ‘denying’ anything. I just don’t accept the arguement that men/women have “defined” roles.
Roles change with time, and individual people should deal with things ‘as is”.
NBF (argument) with you, it’s the whole “life like I want it” movement that’s killin the game.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:53 am
Now menfolk let me ask you all question. When a guy doesn’t call he is not interested, right? Heck he is doing something with his time and it’s safe to say if he never calling you, thinking about you is not that something he is doing.
Like SexyCool said calling just to say hey (translated: I am thinking about) makes all the difference in world. You don’t have to tell a person to do this. If you have to it is not genuine and it will not last.
Like we talked about on here not too many days ago, if you don’t hear from somebody after a certain time they probably aren’t interested anymore.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:56 am
Fred Gotcha…went back…see the quotation marks…oops
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:58 am
If I’m not “living life like I want it”, exactly how do you think I should be living it?
As for those that choose to pursue a dude, to each their own.
If a dude is not pursuing me, well….I ain’t just falling into his lap, that’s for sure.
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:58 am
@Ms. Main
That’s a slight mischaracterization of my statement(s).
I don’t deny that a woman has the right to choose what (and who) she does with her body.
My point in discussing “holding” out references leveraging that mutually desired intimacy for committment.
Committment (by both parties), like sex should be voluntary, not conditional.
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
11:59 am
@Mo ~ Yes, “intoxicating” is an excellent word to us. “It seems so ‘easy,’ so that nothing seems hard if this is the person you want to get to know better. Nada. There’s no such thing as obstacles when you’re pursuing someone you really like.
mytw♥cents... My L♥ve
September 29th, 2009
11:59 am
Meant say – Returning interest does include making yourself available to an extent, but let’s not get crazy. The gentleman should still exert effort. Let’s face it, we’re at a point in the history of relationships where having any kind of standard is grounds to be considered being difficult or hard to please. Not so. Gentleman, please exert some effort and imagination.
DAN You know you were foremost in my mind…XOXO
RAQI Regarding your comment to me way back in the 9 o’clock hour. Yes, men do need to accept it when women state their disinterest. However, women need to mean what they say and act accordingly. I have an issue with this because I still know women who sadly seem to still seek validation in their 30s vis a vis extending phone numbers or accepting invites from dudes They Know They Have No Interest In! Then they get irked by his calls or requests to see them. And WORSER, (that’s for ’specially to bring Jamoca out
when he stops all of the above, it’s pure heresy… I mean poutin’ and talkin shii about him like he’s supposed to press on. Bottom line, we need to make sure that our mouths are communicating the same thing as our actions.
Hmmm SassyMe? If that’s the real SASSAFRASS, please stand up! But since it seems like the one I questioned from yesterday uhmmm I’ma leave you alone in that fortress.
CEE Anutha.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:05 pm
it’s the whole “life like I want it” movement that’s killin the game
I completely disagree. I think it’s folks always trying to “not define things” is what’s killing it. It walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, but you someone always wants to get extra and call it something different.
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
12:06 pm
And if I can go to the outer reaches of this discussion…
Just because I let you hit doesn’t mean you “GOT” me or that the chase is over. It means either I was feeling you like that or testing the waters, either way, it is not GAME OVER.
Hell, I could be still trying to decide to do about the other dudes that are making a play for my time.
I’m just saying.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
12:07 pm
Dan
Water was placed in the sea and was given a boundary. When you stand on the beach you will see the water come on land but it will only come so far before returning to its place. That’s the nature. Well sometimes a turn of events will cause that water to overflow its banks, go beyond its boundaries and pour onto the area that it was not meant for. And what results from that? A disaster.
Man and woman like everything else on God’s green earth are given a place and role to play that is meant to be natural. When we go overturning those positions and getting out of place it will only result in a disaster.
That’s why we all screwed now.