Being pursued and courted was hot. To have a guy earnestly vying for your affection was a total turn on. I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.

Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.

• Link
• Report this comment

@My2

Sooooooooooo appreciative of that post.

Reciprocity ahhhhh

• Link
• Report this comment

Morning Folks!!

My Thursday ailment turned out to be strep. I’m good now though.

Yes, I think the chase has changed. More women are pursuing, men are hanging back. I don’t go to clubs much, but I’ve noticed that guys don’t ask women to dance – women are asking men to dance. Folks exchange numbers for sport and like Raqi stated, there are those that like the chase only.

I always enjoyed being pursued and the few times I tried my hat at being the pursuer fell flat. I’ve stated many times before that I think the initial interaction sets the tone for the entire relationship. What I enjoyed about being pursued is that the man had no problem going after what he wanted. I believe in reciprocity so if I was interested in a guy, he knew. If I wasn’t, he didn’t have to guess about that either.

Even now, my fiance’ and I still ‘pursue’ one another even though the ‘chase’ is over. It feels good to know that, while he knows I’m not going anywhere, he doesn’t take that fact for granted.

• Link
• Report this comment

I think Raqi hit the nail on the head and I agree with her. The game has changed. Quite frankly I think that some our our sisters are the ones that messed the game up. The game changed when women stopped using their femininity to throw hints of interest at a man and were in some cases assertive in showing their interest. Instead, we are in the days where there are some women throwing themselves at anything with a job and a dizzle because they want to have a man (any man will do). Or, they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach. Why court someone who is so quick to give it all away? Assertiveness and aggressiveness are two differnt things.

But, I do see that there are still men that are willing to engage in more courtship practices if they feel that the woman is quality and she reciprocates.

• Link
• Report this comment

Glad you are over the Strep Tazzee Mae. eeewww…i know how that feels.

poor thing…

• Link
• Report this comment

@NY please dont tell me the W8 affair of 2009 has made its way to don’t date him girl. Lawd.

• Link
• Report this comment

That should have read

Forsaking All I Trust Him.

• Link
• Report this comment

Tazzee I am glad you are feeling better.

• Link
• Report this comment

Good Morning all…

I have to agree with Raqi on the fact that now a days it’s more about the chase rather than the catch… Most guys these days under the age bracket of 30 are just immature. They tend to measure their dating success on how many women they can aquire..ughh!!

I personally love the art of the “cat and mouse” game.. ans long as both parties ultimately want to end up together. Why play the game and continue running.. doesn’t make any sense. I have a friend that likes to play the “game” but can’t difure out why she’s single. I tell her guys like the chase, they don’t want everything given to them easily (although they’ll take it), but they can’t keep running after you forever. Eventually they’ll get tired.

• Link
• Report this comment

I’ll add yet another signature to the co-signing of My2 and a head nod to Raqi.

The thing I will say is this – Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?

• Link
• Report this comment

@Kym…Yep. Put on front street.

• Link
• Report this comment

I like what likes me.. Plain and simple.. If Im trying to get you I like to know you wanna be got..

• Link
• Report this comment

“Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?” — Giv’me

What does “make myself available and am engaging” mean?

To me, that’s not enough. Any woman who simply wants to get out of the house “makes herself available,” so that doesn’t mean much to guys looking for long-term potential.

• Link
• Report this comment

Enter your comments here

• Link
• Report this comment

I know you seen me on the video (true)
I know you heard me on the radio (true)
But you still don’t pay me no attention
Listenin to what your girlfriends mention
He’s a slut, he’s a hoe, he’s a freak
Got a different girl every day of the week
It’s cool, not tryin to put a rush on you
I had to let you know that I got a crush on you

• Link
• Report this comment

She’s always got her boobs out, rubs up on them, makes freaky comments

maybe she likes that itch scrathed…
Is she a good closer ImAPeach404 albeit short term closings??

who needs to chase when u can be chased?
For most females under 35 these days,their mantra is Three Lil Words:

Chase the Dizzle

We are in the microwave generation folks…quick results and mutliple/maximum rotations and instant sexxual gratification.
I think Raqi and Tazze set the tone on this correctly.And Mytwo,babe, i dont think there are women with fortresses any more!
Its a front jus so they get the one they targetting.Let the “right” one be on their door step…its str8 to bed,game over!No discovery,noi knowing each other etc to cultivate that deep desire and affection.None.

Look at………neva mind!

Merning!

• Link
• Report this comment

Dream_n – be glad you didnt watch it, I shouldnt have. SIGH

ImAPeach404 – I have a friend that is the same way but always complaining about being single. She has this warped mindset on standing out amongst a crowd of women. I told her I didnt want to hear anymore complaints from her about being single.

Wassup DJ Demi!! Go on and throw some Biggie in there fo ya gurl puh-leeze

• Link
• Report this comment

I like the thrill of the big hunt..

• Link
• Report this comment

DJ Demi – I love that song!

• Link
• Report this comment

Give it to me.. Give that funk that sweet that nasty that gushy stuff..

• Link
• Report this comment

No seriously if I like you I’ll go the extra mile to show you that you are on my radar.

• Link
• Report this comment

Flowers dinner and most importantly engaging conversations that let you know who I am and what Im about.. Im a very private person and for me to let you inside the mind of DK is huge for me..

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi – Correctamundo.. Look at the big brain on Raqi.. Now what do the call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?

• Link
• Report this comment

Being pursued is like a breath of fresh air. The fact that someone is interested in you makes you smile for no apparent reason. It’s a renewal of one’s soul. However, both parties have to have the desire to participate in the pursuit. It’s extremely heartwarming to catch the interest of another!

• Link
• Report this comment

The chase is fun, as long as its interesting and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It Brings out the inner Tarzan when you chase a female you are interested in and get your prize! I personally don’t like to be aggresively pursued by a female. Kind of a turn off…If she shows the initial interest and the feeling is mutual then I’ll take it from there. But if she is after me with a steak knife and fork she seems a little desperate. (not a good look!)

• Link
• Report this comment

I pursed my EX wife but she was pursueable. She was carefree and charasmatic about her approach but not so free that she was gonna let me jump her bones without the proper verfication. She stopped a Bro smooth in his tracks on our second date when I got a case of octopus hands. She did it in a way that let me know thats we are gonna get to that just not now.. I couldnt wait to see her again after that because I knew she was special.. The next few times I saw her I didnt even try her because I didnt wanna mess us up.

• Link
• Report this comment

I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.

Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.

Morning all! I think Raqi summed it up well in her first post.

Have I missed anything good?

• Link
• Report this comment

SexyCool yeah, I don’t think folks do that much these days. The phone calls just to talk that are not geared toward hooking up later. Good ole fashion dating is lost.

And one of the saddest things today is folks out there dating somebody who is not dating them. When one is doing all the calling, planning all the dates, sending all the text messages that person is not dating you, you are alone in dating them. The chase is not being reciprocated however one continues to grant the benefits. See if for what it is.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dudes not chasing cause broads not running.

Agg – So not the natural order of things either! That’s why things are so messed up.

• Link
• Report this comment

Grace – I second that comment on the immature 40+ men. No age limit on silly

True Indeed..

What about the men that are overly aggressive… like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too?? hmmmm

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi – I will say this – I’m not looking for a phone marathon, but a “Hey, how are you? How was your day? I was thinking about you.” is sufficient.

• Link
• Report this comment

Today is Carrington’s birthday.

• Link
• Report this comment

like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too??-strong>Dream that’s the stalking game.

• Link
• Report this comment

Eli that first comment @10:39 wasn’t me but they say imitation is the best form of flattery…anyhoo, did you get my email?

• Link
• Report this comment

“ANYTHING worth having is worth the work.”

Ms. Main – GREAT sum-up. hmmm…

• Link
• Report this comment

Mo…my biggie post didn’t make it.

• Link
• Report this comment

Ms.Main I agree. That’s why I say the men have become lazy because the women have allowed it.

It’s a man’s proper position to pursue. But like aggwitty say when you have some laying it right there in front of you some will take less because it’s easier.

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi Am I wrong?

No ma’am…you hit the nail on the head.

My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically. It’s old school but I get this. Women are now more educated and can buy all sorts or products to enhances the outer beauty and just doing it for ourselves but that inner beauty is the thing to possess. All that other shiny stuff (IMO) has set some of us back in more ways than we know. That inner can’t be bought or school taught….again….just my opinion

• Link
• Report this comment

ARed That’s why I insist on it, even if it means the guy will move on to easier “prey.”

I agree

Cemeeli Thanks

• Link
• Report this comment

If a dude wants you he wil sacrifice his life for yours.. Meaning he will do exactly whats necessary to get you..

I’ve found that to be true. Thanks for confirming that DK.

• Link
• Report this comment

My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically…

A virtuos women.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth….

• Link
• Report this comment

My husband and I were talking once about our coming together and he admitted to reeling me in. He asked me if I really thought he continued to drive all the way across town for an entire year to bring my son home for me just because he liked the drive. Uh, nope. LOL He was working on me.

• Link
• Report this comment

I like what Infamous said yesterday about style, it’s effortless. When I guy is feeling you it will not have to be insisted upon it will happen naturally. Some things should not have to be spoken or addressed in the least bit. It’s natural.

Raqi – I wasn’t on here yesterday…but I agree. But let’s also remember that plenty of good men and women can’t get complacent too. Sometimes you have to remind them that you won’t be one of those women who will accept anything. Sometimes that’s the jolt to let them know you aren’t the one to be toyed with.

It is natural, but sometimes we get complacent with “easy.”

• Link
• Report this comment

Fred G. Sandford,Jr I think that’s why I fell for him

Are you a dude? You’re a shim?

• Link
• Report this comment

Ms. Main – I’m a dude.

• Link
• Report this comment

@Raqi

I’m not ‘denying’ anything. I just don’t accept the arguement that men/women have “defined” roles.

Roles change with time, and individual people should deal with things ‘as is”.

NBF (argument) with you, it’s the whole “life like I want it” movement that’s killin the game.

• Link
• Report this comment

Fred Gotcha…went back…see the quotation marks…oops

• Link
• Report this comment

@Ms. Main

That’s a slight mischaracterization of my statement(s).

I don’t deny that a woman has the right to choose what (and who) she does with her body.

My point in discussing “holding” out references leveraging that mutually desired intimacy for committment.

Committment (by both parties), like sex should be voluntary, not conditional.

• Link
• Report this comment

Meant say – Returning interest does include making yourself available to an extent, but let’s not get crazy. The gentleman should still exert effort. Let’s face it, we’re at a point in the history of relationships where having any kind of standard is grounds to be considered being difficult or hard to please. Not so. Gentleman, please exert some effort and imagination.

DAN You know you were foremost in my mind…XOXO

RAQI Regarding your comment to me way back in the 9 o’clock hour. Yes, men do need to accept it when women state their disinterest. However, women need to mean what they say and act accordingly. I have an issue with this because I still know women who sadly seem to still seek validation in their 30s vis a vis extending phone numbers or accepting invites from dudes They Know They Have No Interest In! Then they get irked by his calls or requests to see them. And WORSER, (that’s for ’specially to bring Jamoca out when he stops all of the above, it’s pure heresy… I mean poutin’ and talkin shii about him like he’s supposed to press on. Bottom line, we need to make sure that our mouths are communicating the same thing as our actions.

Hmmm SassyMe? If that’s the real SASSAFRASS, please stand up! But since it seems like the one I questioned from yesterday uhmmm I’ma leave you alone in that fortress.

CEE Anutha.

• Link
• Report this comment

And if I can go to the outer reaches of this discussion…

Just because I let you hit doesn’t mean you “GOT” me or that the chase is over. It means either I was feeling you like that or testing the waters, either way, it is not GAME OVER.

Hell, I could be still trying to decide to do about the other dudes that are making a play for my time.

I’m just saying.

• Link
• Report this comment

I just don’t accept the arguement that men/women have “defined” roles.

I personally feel this mentality is what’s killin the “game”. From the beginning of time, there have been roles…roles in relationships, roles on a job, roles between parents and children…we all have roles. The fact that men/women choose not to adhere to those roles is where the lines become blurry and the problems start. Granted, every relationship should/will do what works for them but give me a man that understands and ACCEPTS his role any day over one that doesn’t. Just my opinion.

• Link
• Report this comment

Preach on Raqi and Deeva4Life.

• Link
• Report this comment

“Water was placed in the sea and was given a boundary. When you stand on the beach you will see the water come on land but it will only come so far before returning to its place. That’s the nature. Well sometimes a turn of events will cause that water to overflow its banks, go beyond its boundaries and pour onto the area that it was not meant for. And what results from that? A disaster.”

That’s good stuff.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dan Not giving azz should not be considered holding out just to gain leverage. Why not see her willingness to wait a while as an opportunity to learn more about your potential partner rather than see it as game playing? It’s all chance anyway but if you learn something about her along the way, would it not yield more favorable that you’ll stay…cause you just might like her? A woman (or man) that’s really wanting a relationship should naturally understand if sex is not an active component early on or on the first date that’s not some daggone stragey….per se. It’s not game playing if it’s a relationship you’re trying to pursue. Can’t say all won’t be of that mindset (the leveraging thing) but how will you know if you don’t give a woman a chance and chase a bit? If you’re chasing just for azz, you won’t learn nothing…even if you’re a long haul brother…nothing but getting azz on the brain. If you’re chasing to get the girl, during the chase there’s so much to learn. Frankly, I don’t feel like running unless at some point I INTEND on getting caught but I want you to know there’s more to me than azz.

• Link
• Report this comment

@Raqi

Great analogy. I find not fault in your logic, just the application.

Water erodes land (has for a millenia), so the water gains ground as the land loses it (silt, coastline). The “changing of the tide” is natural too. It’s the interaction between the two that’s key.

@D4L

If I “define” my role differently from what you “feel” it should be, one of us is wrong.

As an adult, I may be willing to make accomodations for my SO, but at a certain point “how [you] want it” and “what it is” creates a tension that should be addressed by both parties in a relationship

• Link
• Report this comment

in this case, that ‘disaster’ was the feminist movement and women getting out of the home and trying to be equal on most levels and dudes taking that as their queue to stop being men. Doesnt work like that fellas. Just cause a broad CAN make more than us and can vote and can be sexually expressive doesnt mean we should neglect/forego our responsibilities as men. Open that door, pursue that broad, pay for dinner, take out the trash, kiss them kids goodnight.

• Link
• Report this comment

Id personally like to welcome all ya’ll back after the big bank hank fiasco.. Ya’ll been hiding out like sewer rats..

• Link
• Report this comment

Ms Main….i dont think chasing is a problem per see but i fail to understand why uall females seem to want to pour cold water over the fact that azz is part of the whole equation.
Without azz,there is no chasing coz there is no prize at the end.
And cld u answer this for me as a female:Is azz created equal, i mean, is her azz the same as that other ones’ azz??
If uall sling it in different styles and u couch it and dress it and i smell it differently,then u must understand that chasing for that long haul when at the end of the day,its all a damp squid!,Naw, i wld rather we talk a lil,sample it a lil so we see if we can vibe for the long haul.
Who wants to be strung along when at the end of ths day,the azz is just so cold like a ceaser salad??

And at late 30/40s,dont be fronting,telling me no azz right now…Cmeon now,its not like its all new new down there!
Hw about this,we do one or 2 dinners, a lil movie here and maybe some clubing at the next event and then in about 4 weeks max,we clean those cobwebs.
Thats chasing for u!!
Hey gang!!!

• Link
• Report this comment

^5 to Raqi and Deeva4Life. Good stuff ladies.

This discussion is making me reflect on the early stages of my relationship (not that it was THAT long ago, LOL). About 2 weeks into our dating I went on a partial fast with the church. I informed my fiance’ about it to let him know. I also expressed that we could continue to eat together, but I wouldn’t want to be tempted a lot. Without batting an eye he committed to the fast with me so we could still break bread together. Looking back on it now, that was major because he loves to eat.

• Link
• Report this comment

@Tazzee, with him wanting to pursue you and concentrate on you, he knew upfront he would do what he had to do to show you his sincere interest in YOU. He decided early on the two of you would walk side by side. In that regard, to pursue there are no obstacles!

• Link
• Report this comment

Id personally like to welcome all ya’ll back after the big bank hank fiasco.. Ya’ll been hiding out like sewer rats..

Can someone explain this please? What happened?

• Link
• Report this comment

Unfortunately, sex is the only “pay-off” when dating some women. I’m not saying I agree with the thought, but it’s part of the reality.

That’s kinda sad, but it is the truth in some cases. Maybe they need to work on their people skills more.

If I enjoy being around you because you are engaging and have great conversation skills (and no ladies, sitting quietly and “listening” or talking 47 minutes straight is NOT conversation, lol), I’m less concerned about sex. I still want it, but I’m not focused on it.

That’s so true. Same way I felt about my SO.

• Link
• Report this comment

I thought courting a woman was all about getting to know her and finding out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with…not getting laid.. Are you serious???? gtfoh

• Link
• Report this comment

Can someone explain this please? What happened?

U gotta read Friday and yesterday Ared!!

• Link
• Report this comment

out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with

THEN WHAT??

• Link
• Report this comment

U gotta read Friday and yesterday Ared!!

Dammit… I hate when I miss the shows i’m not staring in.

Thanks melo.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dammit… I hate when I miss the shows i’m not staring in.

u gon hate urself coz Angie(yes that one),has a starring role!
I think cali is deeply represented in this movie Ared.
Surprise,u jus an extra!

• Link
• Report this comment

I am not trying to chase anybody….
I show interest, I ask for the number, I ask for the first and second date(if applicable), and after that if she expects me to do back flips we are not going to make it too far. If I ask you to go out a couple times you know I am interested, so there is no reason to play games and play hard to get or be difficult just to make a dude jump through hoops to “prove” how much he likes you. Anytime you try to make someone prove anything you risk playing a game that nobody wins.

http://hispointofview.com

• Link
• Report this comment

I forgot all about the drama that commenced Thursday – I usually don’t go back and read days I missed, but I might have to catch up this time.

• Link
• Report this comment

morning kids!

• Link
• Report this comment

I forgot all about the drama that commenced Thursday

Dang, something popped off Thursday too!!! Looks like I might have to go back and read and I don’t do that.

I was off at the bougie freaknic (Black MBA Conference) in New Orleans having a blast.

• Link
• Report this comment

Tazz/Ared

jus go to dontdatehimgirl.com(courtesy of Auntie Angie),log in and search the protagonists and BAM,u get the gist of it all.

i hate it that WD is getting all the celebrity and adulation, all the way to cali and we cant get no $$$$ for our contributions to MIA.

• Link
• Report this comment

@melo
i wasn’t the first to post the website!!! get your facts straight pls.

• Link
• Report this comment

@melo
and you like me don’t you? you want this . . . i now. poo baby.

• Link
• Report this comment

@melo
you remind me of the lil boy on the playground. you mean to the lil girl you hate. you run up and kick ‘em in the knee and pull the hair. smh. all along you desire her heart.

you are the only one on here who brings up my name when i’m not around. why is that?

• Link
• Report this comment

you mean to the lil gurl you like . . . (i meant)

• Link
• Report this comment

LOL @ bougie freaknic.

• Link
• Report this comment

Thank you for feeling me, Mr. Dynamite.

• Link
• Report this comment

Anytime you try to make someone prove anything you risk playing a game that nobody wins.

Here, have a dollar,
in fact no brotherman here, have two
Two dollars means a snack for me,
but it means a big deal to you
Be strong, serve God only,
know that if you do, beautiful heaven awaits
That’s the poem I wrote for the first time
I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate
Mr.Wendal, that’s his name,
no one ever knew his name cause he’s a no-one
Never thought twice about spending on a ol’ bum,
until I had the chance to really get to know one
Now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity
He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes
And to think blacks spend all that money on big colleges,
still most of y’all come out confused

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo – thanks. I think I’m good though – not going there from work and I doubt I’ll think about it when I get home.

• Link
• Report this comment

OMG, ARed is going to read from another day. The ground and walls are shaking. Now, you understand why some people do it. All depends on the subject. Too funny!

• Link
• Report this comment

MELO

I know you are a shelf made drama king….but dang mayne…can we get a break?

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo… sometimes I think azz/sex is plastered on the front of ur face.. unless this is just your e-personality.

While I respect everyone’s post and opinions I am conflicted on urs. Contrary to popular belief there are men out there who are genuinely looking for a woman to share their life with and the woman is the prize while sex is just a part of the prize. Not every “man” courts a woman to get in their pants… and if that’s the case, I don’t think the term courting can be used….

• Link
• Report this comment

Look at Demi playing peace maker……kudos to U

• Link
• Report this comment

can we get a break?

i doubt we ever get a break untill we know what went down.

Im jus curiuous too,its human nature.Esp when i know we missing some of our regular folk here…
So qstion is who is missing coz they are dead/drowned in the floods and who is alive but hiding and embarrased.
As a dude, i got mad props for dude’s pimp game tho,no hating.

• Link
• Report this comment

Ladies – What are some of the things YOU did to chase/court a man?

• Link
• Report this comment

Good Afternoon Ladies,

This is such beautiful weather. I am so glad I have the day off.

• Link
• Report this comment

Willie, honestly and I’m not being funny…I’ve never chased. I’ve show appreciation but pursuit…never. I know it seems hard to fathom but that’s just not some folks style. FOR ME…if a dude can’t do what I KNOW he’s got in him to do, I’m shutting the door on that one.

• Link
• Report this comment

Oh and letting your interests be known…maybe ahead of him ain’t what I’d consider chase. You can do that with some finesse all while inviting him to pursue.

• Link
• Report this comment

Let me back it up. I meant to say I never ran after a man! I stayed myself and let you show interest in me. Then, we attempted to get to know each other. Thanks Ms. Main. I spoke too fast (LOL).

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo & Co. can do all that talk all they want about getting intimate early, but I’ve never heard him say that’s what Queen did.

Bottom line, there is a certain way that all men behave toward women they respect and want to get to know and eventually make wifey. They court and pursue. Women know it too – they know when a guy is pursuing them for the short haul & for the long haul. For those of you that don’t want to “define” roles and “go with the flow”, we all know how things turn out when folks don’t “play their position” and “stay in their lane”. We can run this circle all day, but everybody here is grown and know what time it is.

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie you got a point there….I agree I know when it’s for the long haul and when it’s short lived just by converstion.

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi They want the privilege to taste test every woman they find interesting before even getting to know her yet failing to realize if she gave that privilege to every man she met or liked….. Is that a woman they want to make their own?

They’re just talking…I think. Any man in his right mind don’t want a chic that’s been repeatedly and carelessly sexed. I think Kimmie just frankly said it. Say what they want but I’m cosiging….if you’re REALLY to a man’s liking, he’ll pursue…he can’t help it. For all those (men) on here saying if they have to move a finger to get with her or put any efforts into it….THEY AIN’T MET THE RIGHT ONE. The right one? Yeah, it ain’t happened yet.

• Link
• Report this comment

kimmie I am like a kid that just had her favorite candy…i jus had that massage girl…the young lady i had was grrrreat!

• Link
• Report this comment

Cemeeli Finesse….ahhh…me too

• Link
• Report this comment

Taking my bow now! LOL!!

• Link
• Report this comment

For those that are single (but looking) maybe you need to change your tactic.. cause single speaks for its self

• Link
• Report this comment

Dream_n I can sense it too

• Link
• Report this comment

Afternoon you all,

ON TOPIC

For me, being pursued is best when I’m in the mood to be. Meaning, if I’m not truly in the mood to be bothered or my own intuition is giving me some serious reservations about a particular “prospect”…I refuse to allow myself to go and/or be taken any further. So other than that….I see no problem exploring the unknown. However, IMO there lies a fine line when a man pursues a woman versus trying to dayum hard. Look, I’m all for puttin’ in work as well as some real effort being contributed on his end for something/someone worth obtaining (which was well written, Ms. Main ). But I’ve never been comfortable with a man who feels the need to do magic tricks, just to keep me interested (read: entertained). While certain gestures may be cute and a few others may be indeed thoughtful, but if brutha man feels the need to literally break his back, in an attempt to keep my attention, then quite frankly I wasn’t all that into him from the beginning…and vice versa. I’m all for going after what/who you want, but don’t “lose yourself” in the process. Just keep it genuine…in whatever you do…even if that means going out of your way…if it’s truly “in you”. Because as soon as you stop (and you will, especially if it wasn’t “genuine), it’s likely that s/he won’t be around for too much longer, hence all that misrepresentation <— now that's WORSER MyTwo and you know I detest that "word" and given the most recent chronicles, it's definitely not gender specific eitha. Smdh.

If I ask you to go out a couple times you know I am interested, so there is no reason to play games and play hard to get or be difficult just to make a dude jump through hoops to “prove” how much he likes you. Anytime you try to make someone prove anything you risk playing a game that nobody wins.

EPO – I believe this ^^^ is also what I was eluding to. You made a very good point in that 1:03.

• Link
• Report this comment

For those that are single (but looking) maybe you need to change your tactic..cause single speaks for its self…

Meaning very selfish?

At some point during the dating process…most men do find a good thing…but if dude’s heart ain’t right…what good will come out of it?

• Link
• Report this comment

Grace,Ms Main and Dream_n

‘tween u three, who is single and looking,single and jus prowling and/or single with no set agenda??

I aint asking, necesarily 4 myself!

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo ‘member Friday? I’m snagged. So you got something brewing huh? Dream_n has a live-in..doesn’t matter huh? Boi you’re silly. Who are you asking for?

• Link
• Report this comment

Tech Tip for the Day: For all of ya’ll with real phones put the SKYFIRE browser on your phone and you can get to any website you like..

• Link
• Report this comment

Afternoon…

For me, being pursued is best when I’m in the mood to be. Meaning, if I’m not truly in the mood to be bothered or my own intuition is giving me some serious reservations about a particular “prospect”…I refuse to allow myself to go and/or be taken any further. So other than that….I see no problem exploring the unknown. However, IMO there lies a fine line when a man pursues a woman versus trying entirely too hard.

Look, I’m all for puttin’ in work as well as some real effort being contributed on his end for something/someone worth obtaining (which was well written, Ms. Main ). But I’ve never been comfortable with a man who feels the need to do magic tricks, just to keep me interested (read: entertained). While certain gestures may be cute and a few others may be indeed thoughtful, but if bruh man feels the need to literally break his back, in an attempt to keep my attention, then quite frankly I wasn’t all that into him from the beginning…and vice versa. I’m all for going after what/who you want, but don’t “lose yourself” in the process.

Just keep it genuine…in whatever you do…even if that means going out of your way…if it’s truly “in you”. Because as soon as you stop (and you will, especially if it wasn’t “genuine), it’s likely that s/he won’t be around for too much longer, hence all that misrepresentation <— now that's WORSER MyTwo (and you know I've got something against that "word" ) and given the most recent chronicles, it's definitely not gender specific eitha. Smdh.

If I ask you to go out a couple times you know I am interested, so there is no reason to play games and play hard to get or be difficult just to make a dude jump through hoops to “prove” how much he likes you. Anytime you try to make someone prove anything you risk playing a game that nobody wins.

EPO – I believe this ^^^ is also what I was eluding to. You made a very good point in that 1:03.

• Link
• Report this comment

Alright what did I miss on our little soap opera..Is someone preggie? Died and come back as their twin sister or brother? Fell off a cliff?

• Link
• Report this comment

Cemeeli this is my type of weather. Not too hot and not too cold.

• Link
• Report this comment

Maam, I have sandals on today! My cute toes were cold…

and then ‘they’ were sitting on the patio eating some darn cold deli sandwiches where i ate lunch….brrr….too windy for that.

• Link
• Report this comment

…it would seem to make sense to check a particular folder (by mid day) if you know it has the tendency to gobble up certain post just because…deep n’ heavy sigh. No need in repeating.

But uhhh, yeah MYTWO…you knew by using that “word” and not expecting me to address you on it was WORSER than a nun misrepresenting herself with a so-called vow of celibacy. Anutha….

Cee – So it seems fall season has been bypassed with winter in your neck of the woods. It doesn’t really get that cold here (to me) until mid to late January…

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo – I respect your post, but I’m not talking about knowing a woman’s dating past. I’m talking about the whole “dating/getting to know you” dance. I’m talking about what has been mentioned several times on this blog today, by men & women alike – women who give up the goodies within some hours of meeting a man. He therefore has no incentive to pursue, get to know. Like aggwitty said earlier, men ain’t chasing cause women not running. People tend to not respect what comes easy to them. More often than not, this is the case in romantic pursuits.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dream n … it is an oxymoron, and that is why it is causing me discomfort. There are several I would like to/need to pursue, but that is against my nature to chase more than one. I DO have a problem and I admit it. Sometimes it is easier to just say “F” it and just do my own thing.

Atlanta, family, etc., there are plenty of ways to entertain one’s self without “pursuing”…and there are always (okay not alwys, but most of the time) multiple romantic opportunities. Makes my head hurt, lol.

• Link
• Report this comment

Randyt sometimes it is hard to decipher what it is you want. You say you deeply want to be with one woman, you have many women you would like to get with, yet you desire to have none.

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie, i agree to a large extend with what u saying…

Dream_n,what action are u putting up front to attract the worthy guy..are u prepping for the exit….careful not to make the next guy the victim of ex..

Ms Main,snagged?? u mean fwb situation?? I missed that part…and Grace??

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi,Randyt’s case is a situ of 2 much food on the buffet!

• Link
• Report this comment

snagged too Grace??

so where the single ladies at??

• Link
• Report this comment

What you talking bout Melo!

• Link
• Report this comment

Melo from reading Randy these last couple of months it seems like he wants a meaningful relationship without the dating aspect. He wants to skip right to the meaningful.

• Link
• Report this comment

Dream_n,what action are u putting up front to attract the worthy guy..are u prepping for the exit….careful not to make the next guy the victim of ex..

smh…

Once I retunf to the single life melo… I am working on me.. there were many things that went wrong in my relationship and as I’m maturing and getting older I do not plan to take those mis haps into the next relationship. There are things that i’ve done wrong in the relationship and the other party has done wrong also…. I blame both of us for the problems that arose.. while before I placed all blame on him…

When i begin to date again I’m looking at that world through fresh eyes. When I was 16- 18 I wasn’t looking for my “soul mate”. I was just dating for the fun of it.. Now I realize life is too short to waste time on guys that are wasting their life away…. Get myself together.. put out positive energy and I’m sure I’ll attract the same

• Link
• Report this comment

Raqi re:your 3:15 post…EXACTLY. How do I do this? IKEA has everything, do they have a section for those who want to buy a woman and skip the dating part?

• Link
• Report this comment

Randy that is exactly what I said. You want the relationship without going thru steps to get it.

• Link
• Report this comment

Randy you want a genie in a bottle.

• Link
• Report this comment

Get myself together.. put out positive energy and I’m sure I’ll attract the same

I see the importance of history
Why people be in the mess that they be
Many journeys to freedom made in vain
By brothers on the corner playin ghetto games
I ask you lord why you enlightened me
Without the enlightment of all my folks
He said cuz I set myself on a quest for truth
And he was there to quench my thirst

But I am still thirsty…

The lord allowed me to drink some more
He said what I am searchin for are
The answers to all which are in front of me
The ultimate truth started to get blurry
For some strange reason it had to be
It was all a dream about Tennessee

• Link
• Report this comment

so where the single ladies at??

This to me is somewhat comical and I realize in an effort to keep momentum…because “it” really isn’t that hard to see (on here). Besides a select few, most here are (legally) single. However, I recognize the sentiment behind the question. Pretty much any random regular on here, one can (if they’ve been reading) can sum up the following:

Who”s :

- Married.
- (Still single) but in a relationship
- Actively dating
- Single, but looking…
- Single, not looking but “open”
- Single and fearful
- Single with more important priorities other than dating

The list goes on. Just saying…It isn’t that hard to see, really.

• Link
• Report this comment

Single and fearful

Why did this ring funny?

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Jam re your list. I agree with you, it is not hard to see, and yet so many times, even on this blog, I have heard stories of someone seeing some guy for months, maybe years, and not knowing the dude was married. I wonder how this could play out…how can ya not know?

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Ms. Main

I laughed at that one too…..

• Link
• Report this comment

how can ya not know?

Randy speaking from experience, you choose not to know. When I look back now on my relationship with the married one it was right there in my face. I chose not to see it.

• Link
• Report this comment

*seen a commercial last night . . . *

father: son, you have your shoes on the wrong feet.

son: but dad, these are the only feet i have!

• Link
• Report this comment

Jamoca…what you wanna dance to?

• Link
• Report this comment

…and not to forget those who rarely discuss their “current” but moreso the “past” relationship, so the jury would still be out on that.

On another note, some folks tend to get the notion that the buffet of men and women alike will cease from approaching, tempting and/or prancing/strolling themselves around you once you’ve come across the one you’ll consider as “the keeper”. But unfortunately, they do not. So IMO, it is best to refrain from anything serious until you develop and are comfortable sticking to the mindset needed to prosper in an exclusive relationship. You may think you have trouble deciding which one to choose, but you’ll have even bigger problems if you’re “the one” not fully committed to being kept.

• Link
• Report this comment

I was being a jacka$$….RandyT, do you really want to date any one in that small town…they’re going to know who you’ve slept with…within 5-6mins. LOL.

• Link
• Report this comment

I also suspect that there is big sense of guilt about perhaps letting oneself be used

and i hear the gnawing of teeth and skirmishing and farting of fat butts in the swiveling chairs as soon as u closed ur mouf after that statemnt!

why do females feel guitly that we use them and neva the other way round.

I bet there are cougars using u Randyt??

• Link
• Report this comment

Demi … there are a “ton” of women here, and that’s just the first three. Dayum small town women seem to “grow”. Nah, not me, I was from a small town and know how fast the word spreads…plus sometimes they follow you home, LOL.

• Link
• Report this comment

Single and fearful ….translation:

They’re fearful of all the things that can potentially go wrong in a relationship…hanging onto the negative or what so and so said or posted…what there friends relatives experiences were like, etc…pointing out any and everything that will successfully convince them of a meaningful relationship not being for them, instead of really being honest with themselves and admitting that it’s them. Their own mindsets…being set in there ways…(ie lazy) not wanting to work for/towards anything that in the end, they themselves will be accountable for…whether it makes them or breks them. IMO they’re more fearful of the liability, while putting less focus on the asset.

They scared…but wonderin’ why they’re still single.

• Link
• Report this comment

Jamco I’ll take Single, not looking but “open” for $200 please

• Link
• Report this comment

Randyt…just get a cut buddy…winter is coming…try for a relationship…spring of ‘10!!

I am OUT!!!

• Link
• Report this comment

what you can teach her,what she can teach you

u getting mature by each blogging day Dream_N!
amenable to being taught??

The blog has a corrupting influence…u be snagged real soon coz u game to the lessons.

• Link
• Report this comment

hope that all is well with the blog folks.

u really mean that??

• Link
• Report this comment

Okay…I’m off to catch up now. This better be good.

• Link
• Report this comment

Well of course I mean that from the bottom of my itsy bitsy heart! Whether someone is a friend or a foe I always send him or her my warmest regards.

And, how is life treating Melo?

• Link
• Report this comment

correction: “whether it makes them or breaks them”

@ Jam re your list. I agree with you, it is not hard to see, and yet so many times, even on this blog, I have heard stories of someone seeing some guy for months, maybe years, and not knowing the dude was married. I wonder how this could play out…how can ya not know?

RandyT – Now why did you parlay that into that there ^^^??? LOL That very last question is something I’ve wondered a few times myself. Even in my own eff-ups. Some folks just don’t wanna know. That way, by them using that as a scapegoat, they’re more likely to revert back to the “I had no idea he/she…” We beat this particular topic to death on here. While some folks pride themselves on knowing all the tricks, schemes and whatnot…but wanna cry victim when they find themselves coming up empty handed. Naw…I honestly have no sympathy for it. Although it’s a hard pill to swallow…but if you wanna be “big gurl” and play the game, without questioning the rules and/or foulplay of the game, them gon’ head and be a “big gurl” and swallow dem pills. I just wish folks would just stop whinin’.

• Link
• Report this comment

I wasn’t finished typing.

FAKE SassyMe Tsk, tsk, tsk… do better! Just be who you are. Regularly.

And I now dedicate a few bars of Friend or Foe to those who can’t decide which one they be…

FRED G SANFORD, JR. Earlier you made a comment about the only prize being the azz. That says something about those that you allow into your selection pool. So you might wish to refine your selection process, sir.

• Link
• Report this comment

LOL! im sure we all missing u in here!

Now Melo, are you willing to put your check on that…you know good and well…hmmm I will not start…

• Link
• Report this comment

gon’ head and be a “big gurl” and swallow dem pills.

Jamoca?? u had me confused for a moment..wth that head.then swallow..but i get it now!

thoght u were referring to u doing the do but it didnt seem like that wld be u.

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Moca & Kimmie – Ya’ll gone be “big girls” and cooked that stuff i got on stand-by…?

while ya’ll talkin’ i got some’n for you to do. you know since we “big girls” and all…

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Kimmie re: “Jamoca – Amen. This needs to be repeated to some on a daily, and to the men too, replacing “gurl” with “boi”!

No kidding. Don’t look at me for sympathy. My uncle told me many years ago one of the smartest bits of wisdom…”if you are looking for sympathy, you can always find it in Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary between ’shyte’ and syphillus”. He was right.

• Link
• Report this comment

if you wanna be “big gurl” and play the game, without questioning the rules and/or foulplay of the game, them gon’ head and be a “big gurl” and swallow dem pills

uall Kimmie and JAMOCA are going undercover with this ish.
just post that on http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com. .im sure thatll stop the whining on der!

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Gic’me re: stopping his/her healthcare…they have a saying in the Health and Safety business, “you can’t stop stupid”.

• Link
• Report this comment

@WD, that’s what Tom Joiner is going to do (LOL).

• Link
• Report this comment

What kind of site is “redtube.com?”

• Link
• Report this comment

Leggs – they really are jacked-up to say the least. wow…jus…dag!

• Link
• Report this comment

Ared,i think it is a lamashious site where u post “nice” videos.
My employer sponsored inenert blocked it!

• Link
• Report this comment

Uh uh..just saw the comment above mine…Melo you getting into trouble again?

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie, yeah its almost time to go home, i need some high to beat this traffic!

• Link
• Report this comment

want not what…altogether not all together…

• Link
• Report this comment

don’t be tardy for the party oooh oooh don’t be tardy for the party

• Link
• Report this comment

My Main Dream is to get it Gracefully!

hwz that rhyme??

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Leggs

• Link
• Report this comment

I think I’ll be still…and let the others frolick in this mess.

But really Melo, ain’t no undercover…that’s just all around advice no matter the circumstance. Folks just need to be more aware and open their mouths. We all live and learn…I’m sure we’ve all “paid” dearly for our life’s lessons in some form or fashion. Ain’t shyt for free…well not the good shyt = (meaning certain things/lessons we can carry with us throughout our lives to help us to make wiser decisions and choices. Even a bottle of water cost a $1.00…heck clean air cost a pretty penny. And life’s lessons are paid with all forms of “tenders”…unfortunately some folks pay with their lives. But thankfully money can be made (again)…whereas a person life…there’s only one.

• Link
• Report this comment

My Main Dream is to get it Gracefully

lol.. melo you are pure comedy

• Link
• Report this comment

@ Ared I totally agree!!! Not to mention all the players we have on here that know the game…I guess we have some old timers getting played.

This is some BS let me go and get my rest. I was summon from my recovery to look at this…

• Link
• Report this comment

Professor – I also believed that all the blog kicking it would only end in drama. I don’t see why folks are so thirsty for companionship they’ll look for it anywhere. Not to say there aren’t good folks on this blog, but always be wary of finding friends in a place where you can be whomever you want to be AND have no accountability for anything you say!

• Link
• Report this comment

Dammitt melo make them talk. Now is the time to work your zulu mojo…LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

why do we have 4 regular blog females all missing??

melo – Who are the 4 missing females?

I hope I wasnt counted in that when I was out in New Orleans. I already told y’all I don’t go for blog azz.

• Link
• Report this comment

I already told y’all I don’t go for blog azz

• Link
• Report this comment

But really Melo, ain’t no undercover…that’s just all around advice no matter the circumstance.

Jam – That’s where I was coming from. Don’t have the time/inclination for all the side shiggity going on. And folks trying to stir up shyt & live vicariously thru others.

With that, I’m out. Lovely day out there. Drive safely, everyone!

• Link
• Report this comment

she got into a car accident, then when the hospital bills came, she didn’t have any insurance to cover it.

• Link
• Report this comment

Not to mention some of them were slobbing over everything he said and someone else could say something similar and they were ready to fight. Shoot I bet he got a nice amount. W8, hook me up on that alleged ponzi scheme…I am just saying!

• Link
• Report this comment

Yeah, Professor, I heard folks were trying to silence and discredit you! LOL

• Link
• Report this comment

He should reinvent himself and come back as someone else….lol Bet no one would ever catch it…he’s got skills…lol

• Link
• Report this comment

mnisadventure behind u???….not even when u marry a priest.
Maybe the Pope!

• Link
• Report this comment

Professor is beating her little bird chest! Yep, they tried to make it seem like I was a hater. Hell, ol professor is a dime and I get plenty of attention from dudes so it ain’t nothing…hell I wanted to tell those nickels and pennies what was up. Shyte they were ready to fight me…LOL. I see he got in them flea market coach bags…ROTFLMAO

Ok I am calm now. Melo who is missing and you better not have me on that list you know I had my surgery and I am on the sick and shut in list.

• Link
• Report this comment

Kimmie – I know….it’s just Melo being Melo.

G’nite you all.

• Link
• Report this comment

I guess it’s nice to know there are so many trusting people in this world.

Night all.

• Link
• Report this comment

God don’t like ugly….that’s all Imma say about all of this mess.

Have a great evening all.

• Link
• Report this comment

“Itty bitty heart. Little bird chest.” That sounds about right.

Learn to be a bigger person.

• Link
• Report this comment