The Chase Has Changed
It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued. When it’s a guy we really like all the gestures, time, and effort he puts into spending time with us builds chemistry. It’s something we don’t like going without once we’ve had it.
Are guys still interested in chasing women, though? I think they are, to a degree. I think the way they pursue women has changed. The chase style of men varies of course but what keeps a man engaged in the chase?
Guys there are totally new ways you pursue women but we don’t always know when it’s happening. What is your pursuit style? Does your pursuit style depend on whether you are pursuing a serious relationship or something casual? How would a woman know the difference?
Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how? In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?
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353 comments Add your comment
Deeva4Life
September 29th, 2009
12:08 pm
I just don’t accept the arguement that men/women have “defined” roles.
I personally feel this mentality is what’s killin the “game”. From the beginning of time, there have been roles…roles in relationships, roles on a job, roles between parents and children…we all have roles. The fact that men/women choose not to adhere to those roles is where the lines become blurry and the problems start. Granted, every relationship should/will do what works for them but give me a man that understands and ACCEPTS his role any day over one that doesn’t. Just my opinion.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
September 29th, 2009
12:10 pm
My two it’s me chica. I don’t know who that was yesterday but this is the SASSAFRASS live and direct. Did you go to the Old School party Saturday?….it was raining buckets where I live so I stayed at the house. Whatchu doin this weekend?
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:10 pm
Preach on Raqi and Deeva4Life.
Deeva4Life
September 29th, 2009
12:13 pm
Bottom line, we need to make sure that our mouths are communicating the same thing as our actions.
@ MyTwo soooo true.
^ 5 ARed on your 12:05
^ 5 Raqi on your 12:07
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
12:14 pm
“Water was placed in the sea and was given a boundary. When you stand on the beach you will see the water come on land but it will only come so far before returning to its place. That’s the nature. Well sometimes a turn of events will cause that water to overflow its banks, go beyond its boundaries and pour onto the area that it was not meant for. And what results from that? A disaster.”
That’s good stuff.
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
12:15 pm
“I think it’s folks always trying to “not define things” is what’s killing it.” I totally agree. To find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship is like Rumpelstilskin looking for that golden needle in the haystack. It’s so much easier to find FWBs than a one on one relationship. So many are afraid to concentrate on one particular person because they feel a different “gem” will walk by and leave them wondering. 2009 is the year of being carefree and open to just about all relationships except one on one!
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
12:16 pm
Dan Not giving azz should not be considered holding out just to gain leverage. Why not see her willingness to wait a while as an opportunity to learn more about your potential partner rather than see it as game playing? It’s all chance anyway but if you learn something about her along the way, would it not yield more favorable that you’ll stay…cause you just might like her? A woman (or man) that’s really wanting a relationship should naturally understand if sex is not an active component early on or on the first date that’s not some daggone stragey….per se. It’s not game playing if it’s a relationship you’re trying to pursue. Can’t say all won’t be of that mindset (the leveraging thing) but how will you know if you don’t give a woman a chance and chase a bit? If you’re chasing just for azz, you won’t learn nothing…even if you’re a long haul brother…nothing but getting azz on the brain. If you’re chasing to get the girl, during the chase there’s so much to learn. Frankly, I don’t feel like running unless at some point I INTEND on getting caught but I want you to know there’s more to me than azz.
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
12:19 pm
The chase has changed??
I second that!!
Dan
September 29th, 2009
12:20 pm
@Raqi
Great analogy. I find not fault in your logic, just the application.
Water erodes land (has for a millenia), so the water gains ground as the land loses it (silt, coastline). The “changing of the tide” is natural too. It’s the interaction between the two that’s key.
@D4L
If I “define” my role differently from what you “feel” it should be, one of us is wrong.
As an adult, I may be willing to make accomodations for my SO, but at a certain point “how [you] want it” and “what it is” creates a tension that should be addressed by both parties in a relationship
Dan
September 29th, 2009
12:25 pm
@Ms. Main
Again, the mischaracterization.
Sex and learning about a (wo)man are not mutually exclusive things. Like I wanna know your favorite flower, scent, color; I want to know what pleases you physically.
If I’m “getting to know you” let me get to know “all” of you
aggwitty
September 29th, 2009
12:25 pm
in this case, that ‘disaster’ was the feminist movement and women getting out of the home and trying to be equal on most levels and dudes taking that as their queue to stop being men. Doesnt work like that fellas. Just cause a broad CAN make more than us and can vote and can be sexually expressive doesnt mean we should neglect/forego our responsibilities as men. Open that door, pursue that broad, pay for dinner, take out the trash, kiss them kids goodnight.
Deeva4Life
September 29th, 2009
12:27 pm
@ Dan your post is why I stated “Granted every relationship should/will do what works for them, but give ME a man that understands and ACCEPTS his role any day over one that doesn’t. To each its own…your methodology doesn’t/wouldn’t work for me, but even that isn’t a problem in the bigger picture.
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
12:31 pm
Id personally like to welcome all ya’ll back after the big bank hank fiasco.. Ya’ll been hiding out like sewer rats..
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
12:32 pm
“If I “define” my role differently from what you “feel” it should be, one of us is wrong.” — Dan
I’d go one step further and say that both of us are wrong… for each other.
The main issue I have with roles is that many women are “clear” about a man’s roles and duties while fuzzy about their own. In their minds, a man’s duty to hunt/chase/provide/slay dragons/etc. is timeless and everlasting, while her cooking/cleaning/catering is flexible, dependent upon whatever else is going on in her life, and subject to change over time.
I have no problem with taking care of my mine. I argue for a bit more equity.
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
12:33 pm
Ms Main….i dont think chasing is a problem per see but i fail to understand why uall females seem to want to pour cold water over the fact that azz is part of the whole equation.
Without azz,there is no chasing coz there is no prize at the end.
And cld u answer this for me as a female:Is azz created equal, i mean, is her azz the same as that other ones’ azz??
If uall sling it in different styles and u couch it and dress it and i smell it differently,then u must understand that chasing for that long haul when at the end of the day,its all a damp squid!,Naw, i wld rather we talk a lil,sample it a lil so we see if we can vibe for the long haul.
Who wants to be strung along when at the end of ths day,the azz is just so cold like a ceaser salad??
And at late 30/40s,dont be fronting,telling me no azz right now…Cmeon now,its not like its all new new down there!
Hw about this,we do one or 2 dinners, a lil movie here and maybe some clubing at the next event and then in about 4 weeks max,we clean those cobwebs.
Thats chasing for u!!
Hey gang!!!
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
12:34 pm
Everyone’s post has been on point with respect to their opinion..
I agree with everyone to an extent… I understand where Dan is coming from and kinda agree as do I with the others…
What worked in the 70’s, 80’s, or 90’s prolly won’t work the same for this generation… Women IMO were held back to a certain degree… we weren’t allowed to or were not regarded in the same manner as a man. Men were the dominant creatures and we were a tad bit submissive. Men would take care of the financial responsibolities of the home.. laying the financial foundation.. Women would take care of the home responsibilities laying the foundation for a home. Now a days both genders take on that role.. Many men have encountered those kind of women that want to be dominant ie “wear the pants” or be the chaser… Roles do change and whatever works for you in your life works…. Personally I don’t like chasing a guy and don’t think I would ever… I’m more traditional in that sense…
Tazzee - back in stride again
September 29th, 2009
12:34 pm
^5 to Raqi and Deeva4Life. Good stuff ladies.
This discussion is making me reflect on the early stages of my relationship (not that it was THAT long ago, LOL). About 2 weeks into our dating I went on a partial fast with the church. I informed my fiance’ about it to let him know. I also expressed that we could continue to eat together, but I wouldn’t want to be tempted a lot. Without batting an eye he committed to the fast with me so we could still break bread together. Looking back on it now, that was major because he loves to eat.
Kym has got to laugh to keep from crying.
September 29th, 2009
12:37 pm
@DK who has been hiding. I have been here the whole time. Some of those involved in the W8 Affair are still in hiding..why I don’t know.
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
12:37 pm
@Tazzee, with him wanting to pursue you and concentrate on you, he knew upfront he would do what he had to do to show you his sincere interest in YOU. He decided early on the two of you would walk side by side. In that regard, to pursue there are no obstacles!
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
12:38 pm
As far as the “azz” conversation goes…. I thought courting a woman was all about getting to know her and finding out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with…not getting laid.. Are you serious???? gtfoh
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:38 pm
Id personally like to welcome all ya’ll back after the big bank hank fiasco.. Ya’ll been hiding out like sewer rats..
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
12:39 pm
“to pursue there are no obstacles!” Let me rephrase. To pursue the interest of your heart, there aren’t any obstacles one can’t get over, under or through!
Ms.Sunshine
September 29th, 2009
12:40 pm
Unfortunately, sex is the only “pay-off” when dating some women. I’m not saying I agree with the thought, but it’s part of the reality.
That’s kinda sad, but it is the truth in some cases. Maybe they need to work on their people skills more.
If I enjoy being around you because you are engaging and have great conversation skills (and no ladies, sitting quietly and “listening” or talking 47 minutes straight is NOT conversation, lol), I’m less concerned about sex. I still want it, but I’m not focused on it.
That’s so true. Same way I felt about my SO.
Kym has got to laugh to keep from crying.
September 29th, 2009
12:40 pm
How did chasing and courting get around to chasing booty? I thought the pursuit was because the guy had a genuine interest. Most of the guys who are on the game to get laid just go chase the next rabbit, if this one won’t bite. Or they go to the bunny roll call and pick up a spare.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:44 pm
I thought courting a woman was all about getting to know her and finding out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with…not getting laid.. Are you serious???? gtfoh
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:45 pm
Some of those involved in the W8 Affair are still in hiding..why I don’t know.
Ah…those internet kickin it chickens came home to roost huh?
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
12:45 pm
Can someone explain this please? What happened?
U gotta read Friday and yesterday Ared!!
Deeva4Life
September 29th, 2009
12:48 pm
Dream_n – I understand and respect your position with your 12:34 but in my opinion this statement here What worked in the 70’s, 80’s, or 90’s prolly won’t work the same for this generation is where I think the problem comes in. The core of relationships didn’t change…WE DID!! Don’t get me wrong I’m happy I have choices that my great-grandmother or even my grandmother didn’t have but those choices have come at a much bigger price for our society in terms of family/relationships. But you’re right…it’s really about the individual couple and what works for them. I ain’t chasin tho…LOL
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
12:48 pm
out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with
THEN WHAT??
DJ Demi
September 29th, 2009
12:48 pm
Hw about this,we do one or 2 dinners, a lil movie here and maybe some clubing at the next event and then in about 4 weeks max,we clean those cobwebs.
Melo AKA ‘the drama causin Zulu’…Naw pimpin, W8 has risen the dating bar…now ladies gotta pay for our time too!!!
Let me clear my throat!!!
Now to all the brotha’s in the place
That don’t give a damn about what them ladies talking about
Cause you just trying to get chummy
Make some noise
Now, now, now, let me clear my throat
Oh, have mercy babe, ha!
I hope you don’t mind
Let me clear my throat
Special dedication going out to all the ladies
And all the brothers in here
Like to love y’all to death here
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:49 pm
U gotta read Friday and yesterday Ared!!
Dammit… I hate when I miss the shows i’m not staring in.
Thanks melo.
Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)
September 29th, 2009
12:55 pm
DJ Demi – I just listened to that song!! You are jammin man
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
12:57 pm
Dammit… I hate when I miss the shows i’m not staring in.
u gon hate urself coz Angie(yes that one),has a starring role!
I think cali is deeply represented in this movie Ared.
Surprise,u jus an extra!
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:58 pm
u gon hate urself coz Angie(yes that one),has a starring role!
Not surprised. That chick is good at being messy.
I’m always an extra when it comes to offline drama cuz I don’t do that ish.
East Point's Own
September 29th, 2009
1:03 pm
I am not trying to chase anybody….
I show interest, I ask for the number, I ask for the first and second date(if applicable), and after that if she expects me to do back flips we are not going to make it too far. If I ask you to go out a couple times you know I am interested, so there is no reason to play games and play hard to get or be difficult just to make a dude jump through hoops to “prove” how much he likes you. Anytime you try to make someone prove anything you risk playing a game that nobody wins.
http://hispointofview.com
DJ Demi
September 29th, 2009
1:09 pm
Yo…I rarely do this…but,
This one is for them gangsta
arse ALPHA MALEs:
throw y’all cups up
I’m a dog, I’m a dog, I’m a dog,
I’m a dog, I’m a dog, I’m a dog,
I’m a dog, I’m a dog
I’m a treat ha like a dog
Feed ha like a dog(Gucci)
Beat ha like a dog
Then pass ha to my dog
Beat ha like a dog
Then pass ha to my dog [x2]
Tazzee - back in stride again
September 29th, 2009
1:09 pm
I forgot all about the drama that commenced Thursday – I usually don’t go back and read days I missed, but I might have to catch up this time.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
1:09 pm
out if she is the perfect mate for you to spend your time with
THEN WHAT??
Are you serious or joking???
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:10 pm
morning kids!
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:11 pm
yesterday was our official last day of summer. i’m so happy. can’t wait to wear my leather coat, gloves, scarf . . .
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
1:14 pm
I forgot all about the drama that commenced Thursday
Dang, something popped off Thursday too!!! Looks like I might have to go back and read and I don’t do that.
I was off at the bougie freaknic (Black MBA Conference) in New Orleans having a blast.
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:15 pm
rec’d my invite for the new years eve party this morning. it’s gonna be in SF. nice! it’s a ‘70 theme which i’m not happy with. haven’t seen my gurl in e’ons. she is married now. awww. our kids are the same age.
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
1:17 pm
Tazz/Ared
jus go to dontdatehimgirl.com(courtesy of Auntie Angie),log in and search the protagonists and BAM,u get the gist of it all.
i hate it that WD is getting all the celebrity and adulation, all the way to cali and we cant get no $$$$ for our contributions to MIA.
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:18 pm
yes, the chasing game has changed. it’s the females fault cause they allow men to get away with certain things. like givin’ up the booty too fast. jmo.
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:19 pm
@melo
i wasn’t the first to post the website!!! get your facts straight pls.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
1:19 pm
Don’t Date Him Girl, huh? Dang. LOL
I don’t see why folks give people money. Never understood that one.
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:20 pm
@melo
and you like me don’t you? you want this . . . i now. poo baby.
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
1:22 pm
Are you serious or joking???
Dream_n?? can u bake a cake??
If so,what ingredients wld u use for a good cake??
Think u can bake one without flour nor yeast??
I think not…..
So what is it u want to know as far as dating and azz is concerned??
Angie
September 29th, 2009
1:23 pm
@melo
you remind me of the lil boy on the playground. you mean to the lil girl you hate. you run up and kick ‘em in the knee and pull the hair. smh. all along you desire her heart.
you are the only one on here who brings up my name when i’m not around. why is that?
Melodramatizulu
September 29th, 2009
1:23 pm
who was first Angie??