The Chase Has Changed
It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued. When it’s a guy we really like all the gestures, time, and effort he puts into spending time with us builds chemistry. It’s something we don’t like going without once we’ve had it.
Are guys still interested in chasing women, though? I think they are, to a degree. I think the way they pursue women has changed. The chase style of men varies of course but what keeps a man engaged in the chase?
Guys there are totally new ways you pursue women but we don’t always know when it’s happening. What is your pursuit style? Does your pursuit style depend on whether you are pursuing a serious relationship or something casual? How would a woman know the difference?
Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how? In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?
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353 comments Add your comment
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
11:00 am
I pursed my EX wife but she was pursueable. She was carefree and charasmatic about her approach but not so free that she was gonna let me jump her bones without the proper verfication. She stopped a Bro smooth in his tracks on our second date when I got a case of octopus hands. She did it in a way that let me know thats we are gonna get to that just not now.. I couldnt wait to see her again after that because I knew she was special.. The next few times I saw her I didnt even try her because I didnt wanna mess us up.
Kym has got to laugh to keep from crying.
September 29th, 2009
11:01 am
Also there are just some flat out socially inept men. If a woman shows an interest in them. I think they have spent so much time getting rejected they are not sure how to respond to someone who is trying to get to know them. Its like they are waiting on the other shoe to drop.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.
Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.
Morning all! I think Raqi summed it up well in her first post.
Have I missed anything good?
Chink
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
Yes I like to be pursued. I am actually turned off by guys who think women should make the first move.
While I will put myself out there for the right person …I won’t go overboard with it. I like myself too much
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
SexyCool yeah, I don’t think folks do that much these days. The phone calls just to talk that are not geared toward hooking up later. Good ole fashion dating is lost.
And one of the saddest things today is folks out there dating somebody who is not dating them. When one is doing all the calling, planning all the dates, sending all the text messages that person is not dating you, you are alone in dating them. The chase is not being reciprocated however one continues to grant the benefits. See if for what it is.
Mike Jones (who)
September 29th, 2009
11:04 am
She stopped a Bro smooth in his tracks on our second date when I got a case of octopus hands. She did it in a way that let me know thats we are gonna get to that just not now.. I couldnt wait to see her again after that because I knew she was special.. The next few times I saw her I didnt even try her because I didnt wanna mess us up.
Exactly!!!!
kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Dudes not chasing cause broads not running.
Agg – So not the natural order of things either! That’s why things are so messed up.
Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Grace – me too chica, it took me a while to fall asleep. That was just crazy
DK – loving the 10:52 and its so true.
Leggs – in adding to your post, its like the newness of it all is so intoxicating. And with the interest being reciprocated it seems so ‘easy’…if that makes sense.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
11:05 am
Grace – I second that comment on the immature 40+ men. No age limit on silly
True Indeed..
What about the men that are overly aggressive… like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too?? hmmmm
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 29th, 2009
11:06 am
Kimmie – If a dude wants you he wil sacrice his life for yours.. Meaning he will do exactly whats necessary to get you. Walk your Chihuahua, massage your stinky feet and put up with your nothing a$$ girlfriends and their lame husbands or dudes..
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:06 am
Raqi – I will say this – I’m not looking for a phone marathon, but a “Hey, how are you? How was your day? I was thinking about you.” is sufficient.
Elijah
September 29th, 2009
11:08 am
Good Morning everybody!
Ah Le Chase….. Their is nothing like chasing a woman!
I luv to chase, court and romance a woman!
Hello Ms. Sassy!
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:09 am
Today is Carrington’s birthday.
Chink
September 29th, 2009
11:10 am
Mike and Elijah ….So nice to hear that.
Grace
September 29th, 2009
11:10 am
like the ones that call you 3-4 times a day when they just met you 2 days ago…. Is that part of the chasing game too??-strong>Dream that’s the stalking game.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
September 29th, 2009
11:12 am
For the “other” Sassy @ your 10:39 good point but don’t front with the moniker,yo.
Sassy Me...juicy fruit...there can be only one :-)
September 29th, 2009
11:14 am
Eli that first comment @10:39 wasn’t me but they say imitation is the best form of flattery…anyhoo, did you get my email?
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:17 am
I don’t think any quality a human naturally possess can ever die. I’m of the belief and mindset that men naturally pursue woman… and will still do it as it’s their nature. It’s how God made him. As it was intended is how it should be. However, when women buy into the ratio blunder (although I still say the ration ain’t as high as catured in statistics but being recycled), lower their standards, giving out azz like samples then no, why would men pursue? There’s the flip flop going on that I feel is such a tragedy. I sex you first and decide later if you’re a keeper. Women shouldn’t be afraid to raise the ante (sp). ANYTHING worth having is worth the work. The times may have changed and we as a world have evolved but human relations ain’t never changed. Things like wanting sex in 3 days or you’re out or handing out azz in samples are what’s causing schism. That’s not natural, that’s not how it was intended and that mindset will continue to have victims…no matter the gender…that’s just my opinion though.
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
11:21 am
“ANYTHING worth having is worth the work.”
Ms. Main – GREAT sum-up. hmmm…
Ms.Sunshine
September 29th, 2009
11:22 am
Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how? In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?
The chase has changed because women will chase a man, instead of vise versa. In fact, some men expect to be chased!LOL
My SO chased me, well, courted me and it was quite nice. I loved it. I loved being taken on dates and not being asked about sex later as a reward. I think that’s why I fell for him, I was courted, not in a game of “how many dates/concerts can I take her on before I can get some?”
Demi
September 29th, 2009
11:23 am
Mo…my biggie post didn’t make it.
Grace
September 29th, 2009
11:24 am
I like things in moderation, when it comes to the chase, moderation is the key. My attention is on high alert with a steady pace, but the overly aggressive ones that come on too strong I shut em down since I know where their head is at. I’ve chased one guy, I chased a lil then he chased a lil, we both was slow as a turtle, in the end I got the guy. LOL
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:26 am
Ms.Main I agree. That’s why I say the men have become lazy because the women have allowed it.
It’s a man’s proper position to pursue. But like aggwitty say when you have some laying it right there in front of you some will take less because it’s easier.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:26 am
yeah, I don’t think folks do that much these days. The phone calls just to talk that are not geared toward hooking up later. Good ole fashion dating is lost.
Raqi – I agree. That’s why I insist on it, even if it means the guy will move on to easier “prey.” It’s not worth it to date someone who’s not interest in dating or really getting to know me! It’s never that lonely for me.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:31 am
Raqi Am I wrong?
No ma’am…you hit the nail on the head.
My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically. It’s old school but I get this. Women are now more educated and can buy all sorts or products to enhances the outer beauty and just doing it for ourselves but that inner beauty is the thing to possess. All that other shiny stuff (IMO) has set some of us back in more ways than we know. That inner can’t be bought or school taught….again….just my opinion
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:33 am
“a man’s proper position” Really?
just like ‘one size don’t fit all’ for women, it doesn’t for men either.
All due respect Raqi, I for one refuse to accept that premise.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:34 am
ARed That’s why I insist on it, even if it means the guy will move on to easier “prey.”
I agree
Cemeeli Thanks
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:34 am
That’s why I insist on it
I like what Infamous said yesterday about style, it’s effortless. When I guy is feeling you it will not have to be insisted upon it will happen naturally. Some things should not have to be spoken or addressed in the least bit. It’s natural.
Tazzee - back in stride again
September 29th, 2009
11:36 am
If a dude wants you he wil sacrifice his life for yours.. Meaning he will do exactly whats necessary to get you..
I’ve found that to be true. Thanks for confirming that DK.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
11:37 am
“My SO chased me, well, courted me and it was quite nice. I loved it. I loved being taken on dates and not being asked about sex later as a reward. I think that’s why I fell for him, I was courted, not in a game of “how many dates/concerts can I take her on before I can get some?”” — Ms. Sunshine
That’s great to hear.
Unfortunately, sex is the only “pay-off” when dating some women. I’m not saying I agree with the thought, but it’s part of the reality.
I’ve met many nice and decent women, but most lacked that ability to mentally and emotionally engage me.
If I enjoy being around you because you are engaging and have great conversation skills (and no ladies, sitting quietly and “listening” or talking 47 minutes straight is NOT conversation, lol), I’m less concerned about sex. I still want it, but I’m not focused on it.
Cemeeli
September 29th, 2009
11:37 am
My mama use to tell me that you can have brains, beauty, nice body, smarts, wit, etc., but there’s only one thing you can offer a man that no other woman can give him….you, physically…
A virtuos women.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth….
DJ Demi
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
Damn Ma, I love you like the lah, the ganja
Sensimilla, can I feel ya
All I wanna do is touch ya
The ultimate rush, you’re drugs baby
Damn Ma, I love you like the lah, the ganja
Sensimilla, can I feel ya
All I wanna do is touch ya
The ultimate rush, you’re drugs baby
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
My husband and I were talking once about our coming together and he admitted to reeling me in. He asked me if I really thought he continued to drive all the way across town for an entire year to bring my son home for me just because he liked the drive. Uh, nope. LOL He was working on me.
Dream_n
September 29th, 2009
11:38 am
It’s never that lonely for me.
Say it again!!
I rememberwhen i first got with my “current” we would talk on the phone for hours… from what we did for the day to politics….
What happened to a guy picking you up taking you out to dinner and a walk on the beach/ Now i see some girls picking up the guy lmao!! (i guess if he doesn’t have a car that’s fine but ehhh…
i was talking to my best friend yesterday and she was telling me how sh’e so tired of dating these Unofficial men… I was like huh? She’s like these guys tat don’t have their ish together… who want to date you but don’t have a job and still lives with their mom… She was talking to a guy that is used to dating welfare queens or video vixen wanna be girl… He didnt know how to handle a woman with her own crib, working, and doing things for herself… He was so used to the easy prey… Which goes back to Raqi’s point of the abundance of lazy azz men due to the over abundance of easy azz women…. It’s too easy now a days… “some” men are like F it….
Just like that song says: Yeah you cute but don’t let that stuff go to your head… cause what this one won’t do another one will…. smh
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:42 am
I like what Infamous said yesterday about style, it’s effortless. When I guy is feeling you it will not have to be insisted upon it will happen naturally. Some things should not have to be spoken or addressed in the least bit. It’s natural.
Raqi – I wasn’t on here yesterday…but I agree. But let’s also remember that plenty of good men and women can’t get complacent too. Sometimes you have to remind them that you won’t be one of those women who will accept anything. Sometimes that’s the jolt to let them know you aren’t the one to be toyed with.
It is natural, but sometimes we get complacent with “easy.”
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
11:43 am
That should have read “can get complacent too.”
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:43 am
Fred G. Sandford,Jr I think that’s why I fell for him
Are you a dude? You’re a shim?
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:44 am
Dan You refuse you accept that it’s a man’s place to pursue the woman and not the other way around? Why deny your upper hand? But you have that right however I don’t know two men personally that would rather a woman throw herself at him and he not pursue her. If that’s what you like then I can’t knock it.
And you know one thing I truly believe, however whatever a relationship’s beginning is will be the nature of it’s full term. If a woman clobbered you over the head and drug you home, she will more than likely solely rule the relationship.
Fred G. Sanford, Jr.
September 29th, 2009
11:48 am
Ms. Main – I’m a dude.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:50 am
Dan is who popped in my head when I mentioned I sex you first and then decide to toss you back if don’t likey. If I can paraphrase, he stated some time ago, what’s the big deal in a woman holding out. Why couldn’t they just have sex and if afterwards he wasn’t feeling her, he’d let her go. SMH
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:52 am
@Raqi
I’m not ‘denying’ anything. I just don’t accept the arguement that men/women have “defined” roles.
Roles change with time, and individual people should deal with things ‘as is”.
NBF (argument) with you, it’s the whole “life like I want it” movement that’s killin the game.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
11:53 am
Now menfolk let me ask you all question. When a guy doesn’t call he is not interested, right? Heck he is doing something with his time and it’s safe to say if he never calling you, thinking about you is not that something he is doing.
Like SexyCool said calling just to say hey (translated: I am thinking about) makes all the difference in world. You don’t have to tell a person to do this. If you have to it is not genuine and it will not last.
Like we talked about on here not too many days ago, if you don’t hear from somebody after a certain time they probably aren’t interested anymore.
Ms.Main just getting in
September 29th, 2009
11:56 am
Fred Gotcha…went back…see the quotation marks…oops
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
11:58 am
If I’m not “living life like I want it”, exactly how do you think I should be living it?
As for those that choose to pursue a dude, to each their own.
If a dude is not pursuing me, well….I ain’t just falling into his lap, that’s for sure.
Dan
September 29th, 2009
11:58 am
@Ms. Main
That’s a slight mischaracterization of my statement(s).
I don’t deny that a woman has the right to choose what (and who) she does with her body.
My point in discussing “holding” out references leveraging that mutually desired intimacy for committment.
Committment (by both parties), like sex should be voluntary, not conditional.
Leggs
September 29th, 2009
11:59 am
@Mo ~ Yes, “intoxicating” is an excellent word to us. “It seems so ‘easy,’ so that nothing seems hard if this is the person you want to get to know better. Nada. There’s no such thing as obstacles when you’re pursuing someone you really like.
mytw♥cents... My L♥ve
September 29th, 2009
11:59 am
Meant say – Returning interest does include making yourself available to an extent, but let’s not get crazy. The gentleman should still exert effort. Let’s face it, we’re at a point in the history of relationships where having any kind of standard is grounds to be considered being difficult or hard to please. Not so. Gentleman, please exert some effort and imagination.
DAN You know you were foremost in my mind…XOXO
RAQI Regarding your comment to me way back in the 9 o’clock hour. Yes, men do need to accept it when women state their disinterest. However, women need to mean what they say and act accordingly. I have an issue with this because I still know women who sadly seem to still seek validation in their 30s vis a vis extending phone numbers or accepting invites from dudes They Know They Have No Interest In! Then they get irked by his calls or requests to see them. And WORSER, (that’s for ’specially to bring Jamoca out
when he stops all of the above, it’s pure heresy… I mean poutin’ and talkin shii about him like he’s supposed to press on. Bottom line, we need to make sure that our mouths are communicating the same thing as our actions.
Hmmm SassyMe? If that’s the real SASSAFRASS, please stand up! But since it seems like the one I questioned from yesterday uhmmm I’ma leave you alone in that fortress.
CEE Anutha.
AmazonRed™
September 29th, 2009
12:05 pm
it’s the whole “life like I want it” movement that’s killin the game
I completely disagree. I think it’s folks always trying to “not define things” is what’s killing it. It walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, but you someone always wants to get extra and call it something different.
Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!
September 29th, 2009
12:06 pm
And if I can go to the outer reaches of this discussion…
Just because I let you hit doesn’t mean you “GOT” me or that the chase is over. It means either I was feeling you like that or testing the waters, either way, it is not GAME OVER.
Hell, I could be still trying to decide to do about the other dudes that are making a play for my time.
I’m just saying.
Raqi
September 29th, 2009
12:07 pm
Dan
Water was placed in the sea and was given a boundary. When you stand on the beach you will see the water come on land but it will only come so far before returning to its place. That’s the nature. Well sometimes a turn of events will cause that water to overflow its banks, go beyond its boundaries and pour onto the area that it was not meant for. And what results from that? A disaster.
Man and woman like everything else on God’s green earth are given a place and role to play that is meant to be natural. When we go overturning those positions and getting out of place it will only result in a disaster.
That’s why we all screwed now.