accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Chase Has Changed

It’s no secret that women enjoy being pursued. When it’s a guy we really like all the gestures, time, and effort he puts into spending time with us builds chemistry. It’s something we don’t like going without once we’ve had it.

Are guys still interested in chasing women, though? I think they are, to a degree.  I think the way they pursue women has changed. The chase style of men varies of course but what keeps a man engaged in the chase?

Guys there are totally new ways you pursue women but we don’t always know when it’s happening. What is your pursuit style? Does your pursuit style depend on whether you are pursuing a serious relationship or something casual? How would a woman know the difference?

Ladies, do you think the chase has changed? If so, how?  In your experiences, what do you love most about being pursued?

353 comments Add your comment

Raqi

September 29th, 2009
9:16 am

Being pursued and courted was hot. To have a guy earnestly vying for your affection was a total turn on. I think the art may be lost these days because not only have guys become lazy but we women have allowed them to become lazy. People don’t court anymore.

Another problem that has become very prominent more now than the days of old is the guys who are only interested in the chase. Once they have snagged their prey they are no longer interested and move on to the next victim.

mytw♥cents... My L♥ve

September 29th, 2009
9:22 am

Has it? Mayhaps it’s that I don’t give much energy to the whole idea of a chase. Where someone is fleeing from the pursuit. I think the dance between men and women is more akin to a good game of Hide n Go Get It… where you conveniently allow yourself to be caught up with. Note the “conveniently allow” part. One of the *clearing throat* relatively few male rants I give credence to on here is the idea of reciprocity and how women need to make it clear that they are not only receptive to dudes, but returning the interest. He should know that the interest he displays in you is shared. I don’t think it’s rational or reasonable to expect someone decent to continue to try to make headway when you have a fortress set up to protect your mind and body. Which leads me to my constant confusion about men who mainly focus on women who are “a challenge” (read: Not into them, Don’t know they exist, Have exiled them to the Friend Zone.) If that’s not both irrational and unreasonable, I don’t know what is!

what do you love most about being pursued engaged? I love being engaged on my level. After an initial exchange, it’s obvious who’s genuine becuase they come at me like I’M ME. And if not, I will remind him that his flow should be mytw♥-customized going forward. They weed themselves out from there.

Dan

September 29th, 2009
9:38 am

@My2

Sooooooooooo appreciative of that post.

Reciprocity ahhhhh

Raqi

September 29th, 2009
9:39 am

TwoLincolns while I agree somewhat with you on the reciprocating guys need to realize when a woman is not interested.

IMO the pursuit starts after the mutual interest has been established. That’s what I think courting is. Like you said stop chasing women who obviously do not want to be caught.

Interest does not mean a man has snagged his prey it just means she is interested to possibly find out what he has going on. Now it’s up to him to keep her interested and draw her in closer. And she if interested owes it to him to reciprocate. However once she shows disinterest he needs to move on.

Tazzee - back in stride again

September 29th, 2009
9:40 am

Morning Folks!!

My Thursday ailment turned out to be strep. I’m good now though.

Yes, I think the chase has changed. More women are pursuing, men are hanging back. I don’t go to clubs much, but I’ve noticed that guys don’t ask women to dance – women are asking men to dance. Folks exchange numbers for sport and like Raqi stated, there are those that like the chase only.

I always enjoyed being pursued and the few times I tried my hat at being the pursuer fell flat. I’ve stated many times before that I think the initial interaction sets the tone for the entire relationship. What I enjoyed about being pursued is that the man had no problem going after what he wanted. I believe in reciprocity so if I was interested in a guy, he knew. If I wasn’t, he didn’t have to guess about that either.

Even now, my fiance’ and I still ‘pursue’ one another even though the ‘chase’ is over. It feels good to know that, while he knows I’m not going anywhere, he doesn’t take that fact for granted.

ImAPeach404

September 29th, 2009
9:46 am

I enjoy being pursued – I don’t see it as “chasing” but more like showing interest. My current “friend” was not taking no for an answer. And not in a creepy way either. He was just persistent and was very verbal in expressing his interest. He wore me down and I’ve been very pleased every since.

The only issue I have with being heavily pursued is when the level of interest beings to slow – or, should I say… level.
We were talking Sunday night and he said “If I could spend 4 days out of 7 with you, I would”
Me? Screwfac.
Him? Giant smile.
Fellas… was that a positive statement???

As far as if the wondering if the chase has changed – I would say yes. For every 10 guys that stare and never approach, maybe one will. Maybe.

NY2GA, Inc.(Just Left Dontdatehimgirl.com...Dayuuum)

September 29th, 2009
9:51 am

I think Raqi hit the nail on the head and I agree with her. The game has changed. Quite frankly I think that some our our sisters are the ones that messed the game up. The game changed when women stopped using their femininity to throw hints of interest at a man and were in some cases assertive in showing their interest. Instead, we are in the days where there are some women throwing themselves at anything with a job and a dizzle because they want to have a man (any man will do). Or, they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach. Why court someone who is so quick to give it all away? Assertiveness and aggressiveness are two differnt things.

But, I do see that there are still men that are willing to engage in more courtship practices if they feel that the woman is quality and she reciprocates.

Cemeeli

September 29th, 2009
9:51 am

Well mytwosense…guess i’ll go ride off into the crisp Fall air and play a lil soft music for that proper explanation from your post…

Cemeeli

September 29th, 2009
9:53 am

Glad you are over the Strep Tazzee Mae. eeewww…i know how that feels.

poor thing…

Kym-is in Football hell

September 29th, 2009
9:54 am

Now I dont have a problem showing a guy I have a interest in him. However after I have expressed my interest and given him a opportunity to respond if he is slow on the uptake, or is not showing any interest at all. I back off.

Now this has caused some confusion for a few fellows because later they say I thought you were interested in me. I am however, you did not response so I figured you were not interested in my interest in you. So I pushed the heck on.

Some guys like to be chased. My stance is I will chase you until you catch me.

Kym-is in Football hell

September 29th, 2009
9:57 am

@NY please dont tell me the W8 affair of 2009 has made its way to don’t date him girl. Lawd.

Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!

September 29th, 2009
9:57 am

Three Words Daily – Must have F.A.I.T.H.

Forsaking A I Trust Him. Any questions.

Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!

September 29th, 2009
10:00 am

That should have read

Forsaking All I Trust Him.

Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)

September 29th, 2009
10:01 am

Morning All – Im a lil sad after hearing/seeing about that teenager in Chicago….senseless murder

NY2GA – I agree wholeheartedly with this… “Instead, we are in the days where there are some women throwing themselves at anything with a job and a dizzle because they want to have a man (any man will do). Or, they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach.” People seem to be doing more settling as opposed to knowing what they want and going for that.

I have been the one to pursue but like Tazzee, those instances didnt fair well in the end. In the end I prefer the old fashioned way of being pursued.

Raqi

September 29th, 2009
10:02 am

Tazzee I am glad you are feeling better.

Kym-is in Football hell

September 29th, 2009
10:03 am

@Sexy..I prefer E.G.O. Edging God(Goddess) Out

Dream_n

September 29th, 2009
10:06 am

Good Morning all…

I have to agree with Raqi on the fact that now a days it’s more about the chase rather than the catch… Most guys these days under the age bracket of 30 are just immature. They tend to measure their dating success on how many women they can aquire..ughh!!

I personally love the art of the “cat and mouse” game.. ans long as both parties ultimately want to end up together. Why play the game and continue running.. doesn’t make any sense. I have a friend that likes to play the “game” but can’t difure out why she’s single. I tell her guys like the chase, they don’t want everything given to them easily (although they’ll take it), but they can’t keep running after you forever. Eventually they’ll get tired.

Dream_n

September 29th, 2009
10:09 am

Im a lil sad after hearing/seeing about that teenager in Chicago….senseless murder

I’m with you Mo… it was so sad.. I refuse to watch the video. I don’t want to see a murder. I can’t believe that the kids of these days are so violent. smh

Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!

September 29th, 2009
10:13 am

I’ll add yet another signature to the co-signing of My2 and a head nod to Raqi.

The thing I will say is this – Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

September 29th, 2009
10:18 am

“But, I do see that there are still men that are willing to engage in more courtship practices if they feel that the woman is quality and she reciprocates.” –NY2GA

Agreed, and there you have it.

NY2GA, Inc.

September 29th, 2009
10:21 am

@Kym…Yep. Put on front street.

Mike Jones (who)

September 29th, 2009
10:22 am

Miss Cooool!

What do you consider “a little bit extra”?

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:22 am

I like what likes me.. Plain and simple.. If Im trying to get you I like to know you wanna be got..

ImAPeach404

September 29th, 2009
10:25 am

..they are overtly sexual or aggressive in their approach

I see this in one of my closest girlfriends. She goes from 0 to 60 in her sexual advances when she first meets a dude. And I mean… the initial meeting. She’s always got her boobs out, rubs up on them, makes freaky comments. SMH. I don’t get why she doesn’t understand why she’s still single. Granted, I’m single too… but I don’t understand her tactics.

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

September 29th, 2009
10:25 am

“Sometimes, my desire to be pursued just a bit can be mistaken for playing hard to get. Yes, I make myself available and am engaging, but am I wrong for wanting to see a little bit extra, a little bit special from someone who claims interest in me?” — Giv’me

What does “make myself available and am engaging” mean?

To me, that’s not enough. Any woman who simply wants to get out of the house “makes herself available,” so that doesn’t mean much to guys looking for long-term potential.

THE INFAMOUS Female Body Inspector DK

September 29th, 2009
10:30 am

Ok ladies I work for the FBI now and I am looking to solve some cases..

DJ D

September 29th, 2009
10:30 am

Enter your comments here

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:31 am

DJ Demi

September 29th, 2009
10:34 am

I know you seen me on the video (true)
I know you heard me on the radio (true)
But you still don’t pay me no attention
Listenin to what your girlfriends mention
He’s a slut, he’s a hoe, he’s a freak
Got a different girl every day of the week
It’s cool, not tryin to put a rush on you
I had to let you know that I got a crush on you

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:38 am

Chase smase.. You better come on in.. Get out that rain before somebody else takes your spot under this travelers umbrella..

SassyMe

September 29th, 2009
10:39 am

She’s always got her boobs out, rubs up on them, makes freaky comments

maybe she likes that itch scrathed…
Is she a good closer ImAPeach404 albeit short term closings??

who needs to chase when u can be chased?
For most females under 35 these days,their mantra is Three Lil Words:

Chase the Dizzle

We are in the microwave generation folks…quick results and mutliple/maximum rotations and instant sexxual gratification.
I think Raqi and Tazze set the tone on this correctly.And Mytwo,babe, i dont think there are women with fortresses any more!
Its a front jus so they get the one they targetting.Let the “right” one be on their door step…its str8 to bed,game over!No discovery,noi knowing each other etc to cultivate that deep desire and affection.None.

Look at………neva mind!

Merning!

Raqi

September 29th, 2009
10:43 am

SexyCool for me that little “extra” meant catering to my interests.

I think one mistake that men and women both make is group dating. We group all other men/women in the same bucket. Text booking dating. What works for or interests one does not work for all. To go the extra step to know interest and cater to those is the extra. It separates you from last one. It goes beyond just going thru motion.

Mo (aka Moeisha - R.I.P Derrion Albert....so sad)

September 29th, 2009
10:43 am

Dream_n – be glad you didnt watch it, I shouldnt have. SIGH

ImAPeach404 – I have a friend that is the same way but always complaining about being single. She has this warped mindset on standing out amongst a crowd of women. I told her I didnt want to hear anymore complaints from her about being single.

Wassup DJ Demi!! Go on and throw some Biggie in there fo ya gurl puh-leeze

Giv'me a S. Giv'me a E. Giv'me a X. Giv'me a Y. Cooool!!

September 29th, 2009
10:45 am

As I thought about the question of what is a little bit extra? I realize that because of the way that things have changed in our society what I consider a little bit extra would have been just considered a normal part of the courting process in times past. The special “I’m just thinking about you” phone calls (and now text messages), the compliments, being expressive about how you’re digging me, the chivalry of opened doors and pulled back chairs.

As to what does making myself available and engaging mean? When someone shows interest in me and I too am interested in them, I make it known and since I can have a rather busy schedule, I make certain that I make time to spend with someone that I consider special.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:46 am

I like the thrill of the big hunt..

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 29th, 2009
10:46 am

Good morning lovely people!

Taz, my experience has been like yours, the few times I tried to make the first move fell completely flat, rather sad really!LOL!! I LOVE to be pursued and when I am interested, I know how to let the pursuer know. There are no mixed signals – when I am not I don’t reciprocate under any circumstances, not trying to spare feelings or anything, just respectfully say no thank you.

I noticed that men that are serious about a relationship pursue with the most vigor. No, the art of the chase is not lost when a man is about it! My SO let me know right up front he was interested and took it from there. I let him know what I was all about and that I found him interesting too, and I have NO TROUBLE reciprocating. Thus we are give and take! But he is very much the man. I appreciate that – it is HOT and WONDERFUL!

Dudes that are lazy and half-way with it, even when I showed interest, are so tired and a complete turn-off.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 29th, 2009
10:47 am

DJ Demi – I love that song!

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:48 am

blah blah blah bla blah.. Get you a$$ in this car and lets riiiiide..

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:49 am

Give it to me.. Give that funk that sweet that nasty that gushy stuff..

Grace

September 29th, 2009
10:51 am

I’m really enjoying the comments this morning, Raqi/Mytwo comments are on point….Sassy you’re on point too with instant gratification…..Dream take it up a notch to 50, I’ve met some very immature 40ish men.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:52 am

No seriously if I like you I’ll go the extra mile to show you that you are on my radar.

Raqi

September 29th, 2009
10:52 am

Infamous the chase is not one running while the other follow after. But I think it’s like I said earlier drawing one in. However that too can depend on what one is looking for.

Most men will not turn down the goods being thrown at them and he didn’t have to pursue it. But when a guy is looking for something meaningful he pursues it. He gets to know it. He keeps it interested. He reels it in. Am I wrong?

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:54 am

Flowers dinner and most importantly engaging conversations that let you know who I am and what Im about.. Im a very private person and for me to let you inside the mind of DK is huge for me..

Grace

September 29th, 2009
10:55 am

Mo I saw that video yesterday, so sad, and the people standing there didn’t even help, I take that back, one person did but he was scared away by the guy with the two by four. I couldn’t sleep last night, seeing that video tormented my soul.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 29th, 2009
10:56 am

Raqi – Correctamundo.. Look at the big brain on Raqi.. Now what do the call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?

Dream_n

September 29th, 2009
10:56 am

my experience has been like yours, the few times I tried to make the first move fell completely flat, rather sad really!LOL!!

LMAO… that’s funny (never had the courage to initiate beyond a smile)

The courting has been lost in this day and age..(for the most part). My associates/friends range from my age of 18 and up to mid 30’s… The lower part of the scale is so messed up!!! My guy friends will see a very attractive girl and say I’m going to get her.. and I’m like “get her” or “get her”…
They just want to conquer women and see how many they can get unfer their belt and MOST of the women fall for it, b/c they don’t value themselves. They see nice looking guy in a nice car.. and they see dollar signs or an upgrade… so they do anything necessary to get on that team. It’s quite sickening if you ask me…

Leggs

September 29th, 2009
10:57 am

Being pursued is like a breath of fresh air. The fact that someone is interested in you makes you smile for no apparent reason. It’s a renewal of one’s soul. However, both parties have to have the desire to participate in the pursuit. It’s extremely heartwarming to catch the interest of another!

aggwitty

September 29th, 2009
10:58 am

Dudes not chasing cause broads not running. Its simple math. Its gotten to a point where there are so many women willing to be caught with limited to no pursuit then human nature takes over for the dude.

Lets put it in simple terms

You got a million bucks sitting on the table and all you have to do is reach out and grab it and its your

you got 1.25 million bucks sitting down the hall from you, but you have to go through a gauntlet of stuff to get to it. It could take a week or it could take 4 to get down that hall

do a CBA on that and tell me which one you gonna take?

Mike Jones (who)

September 29th, 2009
10:59 am

The chase is fun, as long as its interesting and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It Brings out the inner Tarzan when you chase a female you are interested in and get your prize! I personally don’t like to be aggresively pursued by a female. Kind of a turn off…If she shows the initial interest and the feeling is mutual then I’ll take it from there. But if she is after me with a steak knife and fork she seems a little desperate. (not a good look!)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 29th, 2009
11:00 am

Grace – I second that comment on the immature 40+ men. No age limit on silly.

No seriously if I like you I’ll go the extra mile to show you that you are on my radar.

DK – If women only get one thing today out of this topic, your above statement is it. Every man I have ever known or known of has been that way. If he’s not showing you, you’re not the one.