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High Maintenance Men

You know the saying, “Never judge a book by it’s cover” is all well and good in theory. We shouldn’t make snap judgments because we certainly don’t like it when it’s done to us. At the same time, we size each other up based on our outside image.

Whenever I see a polished, well-dressed man, I always wonder how much time, money, and effort he put into his appearance. How long did it take him to get dressed? What were his pre-date rituals to get ready for the night?

I also wonder if the polished, well-dressed man will be the same man who will be high maintenance in a relationship. Ladies, have you ever dated a man that was high maintenance? Did he require a lot of attention? Would it bother you if the guy you were dating had cosmetic procedures, i.e.plastic surgery, etc.

Guys, do you spend a lot of time on grooming?  Do you consider yourself high maintenance? Have you ever dated a high maintenance woman? What do you think when you see a woman who is well-dressed and pulled together?

Is high maintenance a turn on or turn off?

300 comments Add your comment

Good Guy Getting Greater

September 28th, 2009
8:02 am

Good Morning,

I’m a guy who spends a good amount of time grooming, because I think being well groomed is paramount. If nobody likes the package, then who is gonna wanna look inside. Albeit, we all have our “off” days, I still try to keep myself up as much as possible, but not for the sake of others…no, I do it because that’s how I was raised and plus my body is my temple. I have a pretty in shape body and I take care of it and I think that’s what shows when you are well groomed. It shows you’re responsible enough to take the time out to smell, look, feel GOOD, because as sad as it is there are those out there who unfortunately aren’t sensible enough to shower or comb or brush teeth…When I see a woman who is well-dressed AND put together is a refreshment, because one it evokes crazy sex appeal whether you have a body like Beyonce or not & it also says you’re confident as well…BUT i believe “high maintenance” is not good, because every man wants a girl who can let loose once in a while and isn’t afraid to take off her open toes and chill out in sum jordans every now and then (and I don’t know why women don’t do it more often cuz you know they are more comfortable lol). It’s all about BALANCE. Don’t be obsessed with how you look every single secondminutehour of the day, but don’t just completely let go either…

Dina

September 28th, 2009
8:53 am

There is a balance of course. I avoid pretty boys like the plague. They may look good, but they know it and think that they have a license to act like jerks. No thanks. I also think it is funny to see the hipster and Emo guys who probably spend more time on their “non-comformist” appearance. It doesn’t really matter as much if a guy is not the best looking or the most fit. If he is traditional, clean, hygienic, and holding continuous employment with tangible goals for the future, then he is far ahead of any narcissistic men who think that their looks alone will get them by in the long run.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
8:55 am

First off, as for a high maintenance man? I don’t do sissies. Never have and don’t ever plan to start. My marido dresses quite well when it’s called for but he is so not a metrosexualprincess. There is only one woman in our relationship and I think I have that area cornered pretty well.

I don’t really associate high maintenance in how a person likes to present themselves physically. High maintenance is the attitude of it’s all about me, no one else matters, jump thru hoops and walk the tightrope to make me happy and seen. If you can’t leave the house without it taking 5 hours to get ready because you have to make sure all heads will turn and all eyes will be on you, you are probably high maintenance. If you don’t agree with that last sentence you are probably high maintenance.

If your good looks are all you have to offer in a relationship you are probably high maintenance.

If you choose mates, friends and associates based on them being someone that your outward appearance will vastly dominate you are probably high maintenance.

If you have to be coddled all the dang time and never be the one to give attention or offer comfort to your mate, then yeah, high maintenance.

But yeah on appearance, everyone should take care of themselves, within reason. Looking pretty is for women. That doesn’t mean men shouldn’t clean up, shave and wear nice clothing but it means we should not be fighting over the mirror. And a man’s “beauty” products should never outnumber the woman he is with.

I can’t get with the idea of plastic surgery for no one. Unless it is corrective surgery required after an accident or something, plastic surgery is trying to make yourself be someone you are not. You can change your face but not your genes.

One thing I have learned and adapted to in my here later I don’t have to always look super good, but I try to never look bad.

Kym-is in Football hell

September 28th, 2009
9:11 am

Good Morning All,

I never really thought of a person as being high maintenance based on how they look. Personalities are what struck me as high maintenance. If someone has to constantly pump up your ego, or smooth your soul else you catch the vapors and die. That is high maintenance to me. Looking well groomed just means you care alot about your appearance. Thinking that you have to have the best car, or the best clothes means that you are more concerned with stuff than substance..now that’s a turn off for me. If people have learned nothing else by the recent flooding, nature cares nothing about cost or status.

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
9:36 am

Three Words Daily – Wonders never cease.

As long as the earth spins on its axis
And the sun rises in the east,
His mercies are new every morning
And His wonders will never cease.

Fan

September 28th, 2009
9:38 am

Buenas!

I agree with Raqi and Kym. I think “high maintenance” is more a character issue than grooming. I would expect that anyone (man or woman) who is already accustomed to taking good care of themselves will continue to do so even in a relationship and hopefully not expect you to financially support their routine. As long as the cosmetic surgery is not a band-aide for inner issues I see no problem with that either.

Kinda on/kinda off topic … I’m a lady who is quite “put together” in corporate america Monday thru Friday. On weekends I kick back and relax with the jeans, shorts, flip-flops, what-have-you. My man, whom I rarely see during the week, is disappointed that he doesn’t see the other side of me and often remarks that he would like to see the heels with my weekend wear. Your thoughts?

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
9:43 am

Good grooming is a very important aspect that I look for in a mate. If your grooming is tip top, I’m not going to be feeling you.

I agree with Good Guy – it’s a head to toe, body is my temple type thing. And I really don’t see it any other way.

Can a man be too maintenance heavy when it comes to grooming? Sure. But I don’t meet too many of them. I did side eye this dude one day when I was at Nina’s because he came in with his gf and they BOTH got their brows waxed.

That was classic DTM (doing too much) as Dan would say.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
9:46 am

Fan one question. Do your guy and you not go out on the weekends to places where you can dress up and wear your heels?

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
9:48 am

CORRECTION – If your grooming is NOT tip top, I’m not going to be feeling you.

Deeva4Life

September 28th, 2009
9:53 am

There’s nothing like a well-groomed man…it’s desired. However, as the other ladies have commented, there has to be balance. If his looks, house, cars, “things” are all he obsesses about then he’s probably not the one for me. On the flip side, a humble guy that is unkepmt won’t work for me either. I understand you may not feel comfortable in certain things, but I can’t do a man that’s forever in (dusty) sneakers, wrinkled shirts and the same pair of jeans every time we go out…that won’t work for me. I’m all for down time…I don’t expect you to be “on” all the time, but show me a variety.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
9:54 am

SexyCool I feel the same about men that get manicures wearing the clear nail polished or the high shine buffed nails. That too much IMO when it comes to men and grooming.

Clip your nails, keep them clean as possible depending on your job, and use lotion. That’s enough for me. I man that is too good to get his hands dirty was not the man for me.

When I was dating it was a big turnoff to be out with a man who was forever adjusting his ware and brushing off his shoes and all that kind of stuff. I like my man to wear nice shoes but don’t spend the whole night we are out cleaning and polishing them.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
9:58 am

A man should care about how he looks but should not be obsessive about it.

Bathe, shave/trim, brush your teeth, apply lotion, iron, belt…

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:00 am

Good Monday morning gang!

Raqi, I’m totally with you, don’t do sissies at all. I like my men well-groomed, clean and stylishly dressed appropriately for the occasion, but that’s it. Dudes getting manicures & waxing – oh no! And while I’m a girly girl, I dated BRIEFLY a dude that was high maint in EVERY way(the car, house, frat, job, etc) and it was TORTURE cause I was not high maintenance enough for HIM! Yes, high maintenance is more than just a lifestyle, it’s an ATTITUDE, and one I can’t and won’t put up with.

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
10:04 am

Raqi – Can I amend that to APPLY LOTION ALL OVER? Thanks.

(Oddly enough, a gf and I had a discussion about this recently and I was shocked to learn that she, as a WOMAN, does not moisturize her whole body. She only puts lotion on visible areas. SHOCKED, I tell you.)

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 28th, 2009
10:05 am

If you have style its effortless. It doesnt take me no more than 15 minutes to get dressed and thats whith a shower unless I have to iron.. I never get my clothes ready at night because I will change my mind in the morning. Oitside of the normal sh!t, shower and shave that should be all a dude be doing in the morning. Going out should be the same.. All that extra means your dude is a girl..

Leggs

September 28th, 2009
10:05 am

Good morning. I love to see a man that takes care of himself. Looking nice in his clothes and hair and feet taken care of (why is men don’t take better care of their feet). Anyway, I don’t like anything or anyone that’s “high maintenance.”

@Fan, put your heels on with your jeans around the house.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:05 am

She only puts lotion on visible areas.

SCool – I confess, this used to be me. :(

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:06 am

I never get my clothes ready at night because I will change my mind in the morning.

DK – This is me!!LOL!!!

Fan

September 28th, 2009
10:11 am

Yes, Raqi, we do. He tends to point out that he finds heels sexy even with shorts at the park and sundresses at the grocery store. I guess I bring this up because I’m starting to feel like this could be a type of high-maintenance character trait on his part. Does that even make sense?

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:13 am

LOL SexyCool yeah, lotion should be applied all over.

Leggs

September 28th, 2009
10:14 am

@SexyC ~ I too have a gf that once she gets out of the shower, she drys off, gets dressed and out the door. No lotion, nada. She has come to many track meets dry as the sierra dessert. How can anyone come out looking ashy, light skinned or dark skinned individuals.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:15 am

I guess I bring this up because I’m starting to feel like this could be a type of high-maintenance character trait on his part. Does that even make sense?

Fan – Yes, that makes perfect sense. That’s how it starts. And it’s one thing to wear some heels around the house to be cute for him once in awhile, a whole different thing to try to walk in the park with some on. Ask him to try that and see how it feels!LOL!!

Melo

September 28th, 2009
10:16 am

Fan,dress up sexxy for ur man,otherwise he will find other women much more sexxier than urself…i dont think u’ll like the consequences.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:17 am

Yeah kimmie I don’t like men that try to out pretty me. Look nice but let me be the woman. When a man starts wearing concealer, spray-on hair, nail polish, lip gloss IMB he is teetering on she-man.

Men should wear chapstick. If it shines, it’s mine.

Dream_n

September 28th, 2009
10:20 am

why is men don’t take better care of their feet)

that’s funny…. :)

Good Mornig All.. Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend.

I don’t think I could deal with a high maintenance guy… A guy that takes longer than me to get ready… that whole metrosexual look. I don’t like it at all…. I can appreciate a guy that takes pride in their apprearnce… nails cleaned… clothes ironed… shoes clean.. smelling nice… lined up… shaved… I love to see a man looking put together. I don;t think there is anything wrong with a man geting their eyebrows shaped, but if I’m in the room painting my nails… I damn sure don’t want to see you next to me doing the same.

Plastic surgery is a no no for me.. like someone said. Unless you’ve had a major accident that requires corrective surgery. That’s just me…

I wouldn’t put myself in the category of being high maintenance. I just take pride in how I step out of my house…

Dream_n

September 28th, 2009
10:22 am

Nothing wrong with hills at the park… :)

Dream_n

September 28th, 2009
10:22 am

*heels* lmao

Fan

September 28th, 2009
10:23 am

LOL @ Melo. Thank you for your honesty. I’m sure that’s what he is thinking but dares not say. I’m a bit of a rebel. A statement like that would have me showing up BAREFOOT!!! :)

Kimmie, that was toooooo funny!

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 28th, 2009
10:24 am

SCool – She only puts lotion on visible areas….. :shock: . I cant imagine…..smdh

Kimmie – so glad you said “used to be” chica! LOL

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:26 am

Melo – Sounds like she does, but he wants it all the time, even wants heels with shorts or sweats. I’ve been where she is – that’s when the controlling, high maintenance behavior starts coming into play.

Fan

September 28th, 2009
10:26 am

LMAO @ Raqi!!

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:26 am

IMO Fan there is a time and place for everything. If he is at the point where he cares nothing about your comfort, for his view pleasure, then I would say you may have a problem. Or least that would be a problem for me.

When you two are going out or whatnot then I can sorta see it. But wearing heels to run errands and on the days where you want to be comfortable his selfish on his part. He should about how you feel about it.

But this is just my opinion.

method man

September 28th, 2009
10:29 am

i avoid HMM like a bad restaurant

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
10:30 am

OMG! Joe Clair is going to be at Uptown Comedy this week. I would see him all five nights if I could.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Melo

September 28th, 2009
10:30 am

HIGH MAINTENANCE has no been defined..

what is it..is being well groomed and well dressed,high maintenance..is getting a guy to fix my lawn and yard high maintenance..what is it??

I would be Higher maintenance if I had more money than i currently have.I certainly would not do my yard work myself, i wld provide employement to somebody else..i would proly get my hair cut more frequently at more expensive salons in buckhead, i wld have my shoes shined eve day by the cobbler guys….there is a slew of things i wld do jus so i look more sharper than i currently do..
Maintenance is a function of ur pocket.. and if i were more monied than i currently am now, i wld not date nor marry the jow blows,who are worried about the next paycheck and how to pay the gas bill..NO..i wld date the ladies in my class,who seem to have their money st8 as well.
What u are all calling high maintenance is inact HIGHER MAINTENANCE..meaning,more than ur own lyfestyle can afford.
That person is proly higher maintence for u than they are for themselves.I am proly more higher maintenance for some woman right now than i am for myself.(i look good,smell good and my hands are not rugged) :lool:

I aint a pretty boy Dina altho some females say im handsome! :lol:

Leggs

September 28th, 2009
10:35 am

I’ve always thought along with being “high maintenance” came “high drama” with a high dosage of “conceit.”

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:36 am

As for surgery, my mind is on the fence about that. Yes, I would have a problem with a guy getting pec implants or getting pinched & tucked for vanity, like a woman. Of course, I have no problem with corrective plastic surgery either. If it’s some feature that just really makes him uncomfortable and he’s normally not a “metro” type of dude, I would be understanding about it. I knew a guy that despite all the dieting and working out, could not shed his gut and thunder thighs. He had lipo. He took care of himself well, but he was not high maintenance. He looked really nice afterward. I could see his confidence increase too.

Kym-is in Football hell

September 28th, 2009
10:36 am

I havent figured out why folks are wearing heels to a football game.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:38 am

Kym – To be cute.

Dream_n

September 28th, 2009
10:39 am

I have to agree with Melo’s post for once lol…..

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:40 am

So Melo hiring a lawn service is considered high maintenance?

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:46 am

Melo sometimes I watch interviews with different entertainment icons and they talk about doing their own cooking and basic housework and those people have a ton of money. So again I say it’s the attitude. It has nothing to do with the amount of money you have.

If it was about the money then “ghetto fabulous” would not exist. Living above your means to look good, owning all the latest fashions, can’t be without certain possessions, be seen at all the popular latest hangouts but not able to make the power bill payment you are ghetto fabulous and akin to high maintenance.

Melo

September 28th, 2009
10:49 am

So Melo hiring a lawn service is considered high maintenance?

i was saying that in context of what u said apparently a man that is too good to get his hands dirty was not the man for me

In ur case,that wld be high maintenance.

When i do my yard, i get my hands dirty and other times,bloddied based on my brush with dirty and rough stuff..if i had more money, i wld not do it.infact i wld not venture nowhere near to doing my yard by myself.I wld hire that work out to smebody..that wlkdc make me high maintenance by ur standards.

Now,if i were to go by ur definition of high maintenance,that wld be me…
But all im saying is High maintenance is a relative thing based on ur own resources.
Whats high maintenance to u is not to me.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 28th, 2009
10:52 am

Melo – You are right, money does come into play when it comes to some level of “maintenance”. What would change for me if I had more money would be my clothes & shoes. I would probably have more changes of outfits and I probably would be spending more on them, though I would not go crazy, would still look for a bargain. See that’s how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I just like fashion, so that’s why I would have more clothes. I don’t think I would get my hair & feet done any more frequent. Time is money, at least for me it is. I can barely squeeze in the appointments now! But image is important.

And yes, stuff like lawn care and cleaning services would definitely be more in the mix than they are now. I have a neighborhood boy cut the grass, but he would be able to come more often and I’d pay him to do more things in the yard. I may have a cleaning service come in a few times a month.

Melo

September 28th, 2009
10:54 am

ghetto fab aint high maintenance..it is ghetto fab..

high maintenance is what u ascribe to another person,as negative connotation becoz u urself cant be in that bracket.Its not necessarily about the other person coz thats what they like,do and apparently live by.
Why wld it be high maintenance if i can aford it??
It is high maintenance to u,looking from the outside.

Dream_n

September 28th, 2009
10:57 am

I thik it’s a combination of attitiude and money… To be high maintenance you have to be able to afford and keep up with the lifestyle that you portray.

Raqi

September 28th, 2009
10:59 am

kimmie when those things are what define you then you are high maintenance.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 28th, 2009
11:00 am

RAqi – I call BS.. If dude wants to see his girll looking cute look cute.. I mean Dang she dresses up for the masses all week and he gets the left overs.. Me personally I hate flip flops i think they are the laziest thing I chick could do.. If we are goijng out you wont go anywhere with me with flip flops on.

Fan – You better let that man see you in your heels because obviously he is seeing them and he likes em..

My Sexy is Cool.

September 28th, 2009
11:02 am

One of my FB friends had as a status this morning – “It ain’t hard to be hood rich.” ~LMAO~

At any rate, I agree with Kimmie and Melo. My level of maintenance would increase with my level of income – to a reasonable degree. A wardrobe upgrade, more frequent beauty and spa services, a regular personal trainer and a bit more travelling, dining out and entertaining. I would also upgrade my vehicle.

But nothing too over the top.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 28th, 2009
11:02 am

RAqi – I like a chikc wearing heels running errands..

Thats my problem I like those types of chicks..