Single Parents Rock
It’s always a different experience when you are child-free and date someone who isn’t. You have to adjust to a few things, just as you would any other relationship. I admire people with children who find the time to mingle and date. I can’t imagine juggling the demands of parenthood and squeezing in the energy and time to devote to dating!
For all the single parents, what advice would you give someone who is just starting to date as a single parent? How do you manage it? What have you found to be the most challenging part of dating?
If you are child-free, do you prefer to date other people who are too? Have you ever dated a person who had children before? What do you think is the best advice to someone who is dating someone with children?
There is something about a man who is handling his responsibilities as a father that is so attractive to me. When you see the nurturing and supportive side of a man, it’s very appealing. Men, do you ever talk about your children to the women you date?
When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent?
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409 comments Add your comment
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
8:49 am
Good Morning all!!
Interesting topic….I prefer not to date someone with kids..Because I don’t have any and I would like this to be our first experience TOGETHER if it leads to that.
Good thing lately, I actually thought about ARED outside of this blog…Would you know that I have been meeting 28yrs w/o kids…This is such a sweet thing. There are TONS of them out there..it’s just your outlook on things and what you put in the air that you attract…so I need to STOP saying they aren’t any..Because there is.
If I am going to date someone with a child…..notice no plural. It can ONLY be 1…I can no longer do that not at all!
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
8:54 am
early morning to ya!
As a single parent myself, my little advice about dating, for those newly “single” parents is; 1) Raise your child with all the love and reassurance they need before you use time away from them to breakbread with Boy/girlfriend #4, first and foremost…by doing this your child will be more acquiescent to the person/people that mommy/daddy brings over. 2) Take care of YOUR needs (including breaks)…just because you are a parent remember you still need “grown up time” & companionship (when you’re ready!) Please do not allow friends/family rush you into the “dating world” if you are not ready. 3)It is not neccessary to allow ALL people you date, or the “new relationships” to be around your child/children.
Everyone is not privy to meet your most precious commodity…
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:01 am
Good Morning All:
I think you should let a person know that you are a parent during your initial conversation.
I don’t mind dating someone with maybe one, possibly two kids if the situation has been well managed. Otherwise, I just prefer not…I don’t want baby momma drama, child custody/support issues. I’ve experienced the bad side of it and I just don’t want to deal.
I have unfortunately dismissed some potentially great guys because of what I perceived as unchecked or overwhelming issues surrounding their kids and the ex. I personally don’t want to be around folks that are messing up their kids ( I’ve witnessed the shrapnel from it).
I think it takes a very special man/woman to step into the role of step parent and unless you can go into it ready to roll up your sleeves and work as hard as the biological parents for the kid(s) don’t do it, that’s sacred territory.
As, far as dating, I would hope that a parent would only introduce their child to someone that they are straight up serious about.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not judging…I’ve got my own ish, it’s just not tied to kids.
Have A Great Day!
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
9:03 am
1. Give yourself time to get over your past relationship.
2. Do not allow your kids to run your life.
3. It’s not necessary for your kids to meet every person you find interesting or attractive.
4. Know the difference from a genuine concern of your kid(s) and sheer brattiness.
5. When the time is right incorporate some activities that include your kid(s) into the time spent with a promising love interest.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:07 am
Morning all –
There are TONS of them out there..it’s just your outlook on things and what you put in the air that you attract…so I need to STOP saying they aren’t any..Because there is.
Well, well, well… looks like AmazonRed actually does live in the real world. Glad you changed your outlook, Blow. Glad things are working out for you.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:12 am
I have dated men with children before, but none seriously. As stated before, I don’t ask for anything I can’t offer in my dating life. I would like to end up with a man with no kids. I’d really like us to experience that first together.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
9:14 am
Good Monring All…..I get to blog today since Gwinnett Co. closed schools…..it is a mess out there….lots of roads are flooded and roads colapsed…..drive safely.
On topic: As a single mother due to divorce, I was in that number of singles w/kids….having three kids was not easily digested by several guys that I dated….I got to a point that I disclosed my parenthood quickly….sometimes as soon as I was offered a drink…lol.
It all comes down to the individual and whether they can handle being with someone who has kids and knowing that that part of their life will conflict sometimes with the relationship. My kids always come first and I appreciated the honesty from guys who were no longer interested after the fact. Suprisingly, there were some who had no problem with it as long as me and the ex had no drama.
Suprisingly…I did not stay single for long….I met my fiance within six months after my divorce. I was only out there for a few months, but my experiences weren’t that bad…..only one didn’t show for Thanksgiving dinner because he thought my kids were going to be there. I made it a point to never let anyone I dated meet my kids early…..my fiance didn’t meet them until we were together for over six months.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:18 am
think it takes a very special man/woman to step into the role of step parent and unless you can go into it ready to roll up your sleeves and work as hard as the biological parents for the kid(s) don’t do it, that’s sacred territory.
Amen.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
9:24 am
JtJ..i have been out of the loop, when or did you mention your wedding day?
…again, Congratulations to you and your fiance’.
Swissman Swiss Miss IS Mrs. Swiss now, isn’t she?!!? & Tazzee Mae, Kimmie Ah, holla.
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:25 am
I have a question for the single parents…Who comes first your new mate or your kid(s)?
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
9:31 am
@ ARED…LOL. Don’t push it girlie!! lmao! I will give you that…You were right.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
9:32 am
@ Cemeeli…Thanks again…..the wedding day is set for October 23, 2010…we are planning on having it either here in Lawrenceville or in Tallahassee, Fl. The colors are FSU….garnet, gold, & white…his idea!!
My sister, who is single w/ no kids…has ruled out dating men with kids because it was later revealed that most were not taking care of their kids…..One guy didn’t even have a recent picture of his kids and couldn’t even get their ages and birthdays right!!! How can step to a woman to try to date her and you are not taking care of your responsibilities????
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
9:33 am
Good Morning All,
Hope Everyone had a Safe and Wonderful Weekend!
Being a single parent has it’s trials in it’s own, adding dating to that scenario can often be complicated and tiresome. As a parent myself (when i become single ).. I would first focus on getting my life/child’s life on track… nothing worse than not having your things in place and trying to incorporate someone’s else’s life into yours… I don’t think I would be closed off to dating someone with kids… maybe 1 or 2 or even 3, but any more would take heavy consideration. I’m not into all that drama, so I would hope that I’m not the only mother that doesn’t give into that… but drama is something I definately can not deal with.
I wouldn’t even introduce my daughter to any man I was just “dating” but he would know of her… It would take a long time for me to let someone have that privelage of meeting my daughter.
I really applaud the single mothers out there taking care of the home and making it w/out the help of the father… It’s hard and can be a bit overwhelming as do I applaud the men
Being someone that has kids and would be open to dating someone with kids…
What are the reasons that some men/women would not be open to dating another man/woman with kids?
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:35 am
Interesting blog title today…
Zachs Mom
September 21st, 2009
9:35 am
@Wings…why does it have to be either or? Even if you were still with the origional mate you have to make compromises.
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:38 am
ZM- I don’t know, I’m just asking……
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
9:40 am
@ Wings……the kids of course, because they have to be cared for and tended to. The question really shouldn’t be valid because any man or woman who knows that you are in your child’s life and love them dearly, won’t even have to ask that question.
I explained to my 11 y/o daughter, that the love I have for Jay comes from a different place than the love I have in my heart for her. I told her I have my heart “compartmentalized” and everyone had their own equal little section in my heart.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
9:42 am
@ JtJ – Nice color scheme…a Fla. wedding too?…Heard someone else speaking about Destin for their wedding rcntly.
FSU!?! girl i’ve been granfathered “in” as a fan. I like them.
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:43 am
In a traditional relationship….the spouse comes first and then the kids…order of the family…. I was just wondering if that same thought process applies…
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:43 am
Zachs Mom – Wings asks a good question tho. Typically someone DOES have to come first. You can’t serve two masters.
Don’t know if anyone is gonna touch that one tho.
That’s a condundrum for single people who date parents. Theoretically, your mate should come first, but what happens when the kid was there before you were?
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
9:44 am
I believe the NEEDS of your child/children definately comes first b4 a mate….. but you do have those bratty kids
(myseld used to be one)
Who don’t want their parents to date anyone else except their dad/mom, and who will make you feel like dating is putting them on the back burner.
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:44 am
Thanks jtj
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:45 am
@ ARED…LOL. Don’t push it girlie!! lmao! I will give you that…You were right.
Blow – Please. You need to go back and read some of the shyt you talked about me at the time. You’re lucky I’m being as cool with it as I am.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
9:47 am
@ Wings…your question made me remember when my cousin used to fix her husband’s plate first before their kids ( he was really big and ate a lot) and would have to give herself and the kids smaller portions of what was left after he had his plate. I’ve always heard that the husband/wife are to be above the kids…..but I would think parents would feed the kids first since they are growing and need the nourishment….IDK..just made me think of that with “who comes first”.
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
9:50 am
Your kids should always come before a total stranger. Once you have been dating and forming a relationship then things should start to balance out it. See the time you spend with your unmarried S/O is not just about them, it’s about you also. You and your needs. You have to learn how to put everything and everyone in its rightful place.
There will be times when someone may feel neglected even when they aren’t or that’s not your intention. Heck that someone will sometimes be you. Nothing is perfect. Situations have their ups and downs.
Now if you have Susan Smith tendencies then you need help. But other than that it’s all about responsibilities and balance of needs.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
9:51 am
@ Cemeeli….It is FSU all the way in our house…even the baby has an FSU outfit…lol. I am just getting into college football….their games are definately more interesting and they play their hearts out.
The FSU wedding colors were my promise to him, we even purchased an FSU garter belt and wedding favors on online….We are thinking about renting one of the conference facilities on the FSU campus.
Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)
September 21st, 2009
9:53 am
JTJ – The Judeo-Christan belief of “leave and cleave” is where that comes from along with the natural order of the family….However today, I guess it boils down to your own belief system of family order.
I think you cousin found her own way to put her man first.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
9:57 am
“I am just getting into college football….their games are definately more interesting and they play their hearts out.
This deserves repeating! Yes..yes…
@ JtJ – aww..the baby got FSU gear too? That is too cute! Those colors are complimentary. Think you’re going to be FSU’d out by Oct. 24th 2010? Or just “out”? lol…
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:57 am
Now if you have Susan Smith tendencies then you need help. But other than that it’s all about responsibilities and balance of needs
Reminds me of the Caylee Anthony story. The toddler who was killed and her mother is going to trial for it. Evidence points to her feeling the child was a burden because it conflicted with her relationship.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
9:59 am
Good football weekend for me. Cal won, Raiders won, USC LOST. Heh heh heh.
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
10:00 am
I remeber that story.. (Caylee).. That was really sad… I can’t even imagine what goes through someone’s head who murdered their child… that’s just crazy …..
Leggs
September 21st, 2009
10:03 am
Good morning!
When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent? During your first conversation.
Who comes first, mate or kids, my child! We’ve had this conversation may times here, and I know a lot disagrees with me.
@Cee ~ you’re right, not everyone gets to meet my precious commodity.
@JtJ ~ it’s different in different households. I fed lil leggs first. I even noticed when I stopped letting him get the best piece of meat!
Your children need to feel that they are important, their needs, wants and concerns are being attended to. No child wants to be placed or feel that they’re being placed on the back burner to accommodate another person. It’s hard to find a balance, but the maturity level of him and I, and the desire to make the relationship work should help balance things out!
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:03 am
@ Zach’s Mom – Compromise is a good word…
I would hope that Kids vs. “Mate first” would not be a WWF in a loving environment/household….shucks, Lil Miss, or Jr. Chef can fix plates for daddy and me as soon as i’m/we’re finish cooking if she/he want too.
whatever works for those individuals/household
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:05 am
Hi Lil Leggs Mommy!….of course, you know it.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
10:07 am
“There will be times when someone may feel neglected even when they aren’t or that’s not your intention. Heck that someone will sometimes be you. ”
@ Raqi….I feel that way sometimes, especially when the kids consume the entire weekend with sports and events….we usually make up for by making them go to bed early and shutting our bedroom door for some “we” time.
@ Cemeeli….I am sure by then, I will not want to repeat or even here the words …FSU…Sad thing is me and the baby’s birthdays are Nov. 29, Nov. 30. FSU always play the FL Gators around that time…last year her 1st b-day was on the same day as the family FSU/Gator TailGate Party and we were still down there for my b-day….I was not a happy camper!! Can’t seperate a man and his football!
Kym-has angered the sky sprirts and the football gods.
September 21st, 2009
10:08 am
Good Morning All,
As a single parent the advice I have:
Don’t introduce your child to everyone you date.–You are dating not your kid(s).
Don’t expect this new person in your life to fill the gap of the father(mother of your child)–Cut out or better yet don’t make comparisons at all.
Develop a good support system.-Friends and family, sitter who you can trust to watch your youngins while you date.
Don’t expect to take your youngins on the date. I am sorry but that attitude of date me..date my kid that has played out. You can go out without little Ray-Ray and Ray-Ray can stand to spend time away from you.
Not sure who brought it up but in a dating relationship(keyword is dating) The kid always comes first. If the kid is sick, needs medical treatment,then Mr. Bobo has to understand you can’t go out.
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
10:08 am
Amazon my entire adult dating career was as a single parent so I know what it’s like finding the balance. Any man that even tried to place me in such a position of choosing him over my kids quickly got the boot. Hell those are my kids and you are just a stranger that I have yet become to know.
I would not deny a time or two doing some things that I probably should not have when it came to someone I had formed as relationship with but I always made sure my kids were safe and taken care of. But those times were merely for the fulfillment of my need or want at the time.
It’s a package deal though for a single parent. You cannot separate the kids from the parents.
2CPTG
September 21st, 2009
10:12 am
Mornin’……ummm yeah, you mention your kids from the jump! I can’t see NOT mentioning them;
i'm swiss
September 21st, 2009
10:13 am
On Topic: I would never have considered dating anyone with kids, simply because I had none myself and (equally as important) I had other options. Nothing wrong with being a single parent, but that just wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.
Morning, Cee… Yes, Swiss Miss is indeed Mrs. Swiss now. And I couldn’t be happier…
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:14 am
No child wants to be placed or feel that they’re being placed on the back burner to accommodate another person.
Leggs – I wouldn’t say that happens just because a person decides to put their mate first. Had you chosen to feed your husband first, doesn’t mean that your daughter would have felt neglected.
Melo
September 21st, 2009
10:15 am
your question made me remember when my cousin used to fix her husband’s plate first before their kids
JtJ,now thats just damn greedy…when it comes to food and survival etc,kids are the most vulnerable,they come first..OMG,greedy step daddy!
The woman was wrong too…
Now Wings askesd a great qstion….kids will always be kids but circumstances of first or second?? u gotta clarify..
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:16 am
Hey 2C!
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:16 am
It’s a package deal though for a single parent. You cannot separate the kids from the parents.
I totally agree. I think women are more realistic with this one than men. The guys I’ve met who do have kids want to stress that a woman would be a priority. Maybe because they aren’t the ones with primary custody most times? I don’t know.
Just makes it one of the reasons I know I’m not the best equipped to handle it.
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
10:16 am
ARED-Hey hey now…you actually remember some of the things I have said…Whoa! I have reached you. Please don’t take it to heart. Didn’t realize you were so sensitive underneath all of that mouth. But hey most ppl with ALOT of mouth are the sensitive type.
I’ll wipe the slate clean. lol!
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:18 am
Um…can someone elaborate why the husband doesn’t get fed first? He’s is the provider! My dad always got his food first. He was the head of household and it was a demonstration of the respect of the role. Trust me, us kids always got fed too.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:18 am
2CPTG
September 21st, 2009
10:19 am
Hey Cee!!! and ummm, what you know bout them ‘Noles, gal????? Saw that beatdown we put on BYU this weekend? Had only Tampa Bay won yesterday, all woulda been well this weekend..
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:21 am
Hey hey now…you actually remember some of the things I have said…
Blow – I would remember anything you said if I had a gun to my head. I just know it was crazy, delusional and rude and that I felt sorry for you that you were so short sighted.
Of course you’ll wipe the slate clean. You were the one who was wrong!
Kym-has angered the sky sprirts and the football gods.
September 21st, 2009
10:24 am
Normally in my family when we are preparing for a family gathering you feed the midgets first so they are all out of the way and then let those with bigger tummy’s go last. They normally have bigger than normal plates and make several return trips. At my house since its me and the son..he fixes his plate and I fix mine or if I feel like it I fix both or he fixes mine. There is no rhyme or reason.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
10:25 am
@ Melo….my cousin was married…he was their bilogical father…if that matters.
ARed….I understood it from a biblical sense that the man is the head of his home. With my cousin’s situation, I just did not agree that she would pack his plate full and only have enough to give her and two growing boys 1 single serving. She could’ve just prepared more, but she never did.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:27 am
That 10:21 should have read “I wouldn’t remember”
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:29 am
@ 2C…ok…FSU did their thing this CGD. I don’t know much ’bout em…cept my old man keeps mentioning they are his fav college teams so i figured maybe i shld catch up…
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
10:31 am
But you know something about kids. They don’t understand the nature and importance of adult responsibilities and needs. My kids never refrained from asking me if I could take them to a friend’s house or help them with something because I was sitting there trying to pay the bills. To them what their little minds are thinking or wanting is the most important thing on earth. Just like you have to tell them you are busy and what they want will have to wait or cannot be done at it, you have to sometimes do the same when taking care of your personal needs.
You have to make time for yourself. A child will not die because you tell them “no you cannot such and such because I have to take care of XYZ”. Never let your kid try to make you feel guilty for having a life. As long as their needs are met, they are being taken care of, you are spending time with them otherwise, it’s okay to have some time for yourself when needed.
Melo
September 21st, 2009
10:31 am
JtJ, thats all good..i feel, regardless,kids shld be fed first esp if this is a case of not enough provisions.In ur cousin case,it seems its even worse coz the hubby was having his plate full whilst the kids had to scrounge on whatever was left over.
I wldnt do that to my own kids,let alone anybody’s.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:34 am
You have to make time for yourself. A child will not die because you tell them “no you cannot such and such because I have to take care of XYZ”.
Raqi – Thanks. I’m starting to see where children get their sense of entitlement from.
There is a reason they tell the adult to put his mask on before helping others. You’re no good to your kids if you starve while giving them everything.
2CPTG
September 21st, 2009
10:34 am
@ Cee “yo old man”?????? damn, when that happen? I know I’ve been gone for awhile, but gal you done got “boo’ed” up, as I heard someone say the other day……..
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
10:35 am
Even growing up.. I’ve always remebered mommy fixing our plate first then her fixing our dad’s plate… I’ve never heard of the “traditional” way to serve food… but hey to each its own….. Even in big family gatherings… you feed the little ones firsr to get them settled.. then the adults.
Mo (aka Moeisha )
September 21st, 2009
10:36 am
Morning All!
For myself, my only problem is that I prefer a man with a kid since I have one and I keep meeting a few that dont have any. I dont want to date a man with no child(ren) (as in no more than 2) personally.
I piggy back on Raqi mentioned in her 9:03. I have met a few guys that seemed pressed to meet Lil Mo and I was a little offended by it. Of course I never saw/talked to those individuals for very long.
I also mention the fact that I am a parent upfront.
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
10:39 am
Good Morning All,
When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent?<– AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
I never used to take a man seriously if he had kids.. Dating was fine but nothing further than that. A man with children was ALWAYS a huge pill for me to swallow because I don't have any kids but I've learned not to "x" anyone out if they treat me the way I am supposed to be treated.
abc
September 21st, 2009
10:40 am
Not much to say specific to the topic. You’re going to encounter single parents while dating. Go with it, don’t go with it, it’s your choice.
I remember being completely surprised the first time a woman took the trouble to fix me a plate of food, taking care of me first. I was accustomed to women that would be quite overt in their display of caring more for their children than for anything or anyone else, or having an attitude along the lines of ‘What am I, your waitress? You have a broken arm? Fix your own dayum plate!’ I’m still pretty self-sufficient, and actually don’t like to be catered to in that way very much, but these days I find it charming when someone does want to do those kinds of things for me.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:41 am
…i’m still waiting on 2C to get out my bidness!
lol…i kid.
But seriously we stop playin’ and been doing our thang for a minute now…
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
10:43 am
The man of the house should always get fed first. That does not mean he is getting more or taking anything away from the child, it’s just a matter of respect for the one who is providing. At my house I eat last. Always have and always will.
Thankfully at this present moment with my husband we have not had the misfortune of having limited meals where food had to be rationed. Everybody just eats but the man of the house gets his first. I know it times get hard a food scarce it will divided equally according to needs. But until that time comes we will do has we have done.
Now way back in the day when I was just making it, my kids ate first and I got whatever was leftover. If any. But see that was a whole different time and situation in play.
When I was dating and had a male suitor over for dinner, my kids were handed their meal first, then my date and then me. In situation it was me last for two reasons. One, I was the one handing out the meals. And two, it’s my freaking kitchen.
Now after we were well into the relationship he could make his plate which sometimes resulted in he and I both getting ours at the same time. But if the kids were present I got them theirs first.
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
10:45 am
Good Morning,
When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent?<– AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
I never used to take a man seriously if he had kids.. Dating was fine but nothing further than that. A man with children was ALWAYS a huge pill for me to swallow because I don't have any kids but I've learned not to "x" anyone out if they treat me the way I am supposed to be treated.
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
10:46 am
@ Raqi
love ur post…
I had to learn that the hard way… I remember when I first had my little one… she was #1.. Nobody or anything even myself came b4 her…. I wouldn’t leave her with anyone, not even my mom… At night when she would cry I would be up the entire night with her, my mom would come in and say.. “Girl give me that baby and get some rest”… I wouldn’t give her to my mom b/c i felt like I had her, I shouldn’t need any help to take care of her. I felt as though I was being a bad mom if i needed rest and had to give her tom someone else… its krazy… My mom started watching my poo when whe was 2 1/2…. they only people I let watch her is my mom & my sis…
In relation with Raqi’s post… I had to learn that “we” do need rest, and that although we should take every step to take care of the little ones. We should also maintain a healthy life for ourselves
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:47 am
The man of the house should always get fed first. That does not mean he is getting more or taking anything away from the child, it’s just a matter of respect for the one who is providing.
I am really trippin that there aren’t more responses like this!!!
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:49 am
@ Melo – Are you crying?
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
10:49 am
Ared- I am really trippin that there aren’t more responses like this!!!<– Maybe because some of these folks don't cook
Leggs
September 21st, 2009
10:51 am
@ARed, although I said that in the same paragraph as feeding her first, I wasn’t talking about her feeling neglected cuz I fed her father first. I was talking about those times when the mate is put first where the child feels too much time is being spent with the mate and not with him/her. When a child feels they’re being placed on the back burner because mommy/daddy isn’t spending quality time with them, and they aren’t spoiled brats, something went wrong in the distribution of time. Children should never feel this. And don’t get me wrong, the child should feel that mommy/daddy needs “adult time” as well.
But, when a mate starts feeling slighted and start making demands that you’re not spending enuf time, and my child needs me for whatever the reason might be, my child comes first. No grown person should make demands on another, especially where kids are concerned. That’s what I’m saying!!
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
10:52 am
Family gatherings are different than every day living around the table. Yeah if it’s a big soiree the kids would get theirs first and that’s usually because it’s either a sit down food spread, take a spoonful and pass to the left or buffet style.
In either case the kids are not allowed in the food so you get them settled and the grown ups take care of themselves.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:52 am
@ Melo – Are you crying?
Melo
September 21st, 2009
10:52 am
Melo – Are you crying?
crying why??….hey!
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:53 am
Interesting philosophy Leggs.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:53 am
I eat first mostly becuase i’m cooking the meal. Everyone knows the cook eats/tastes/samples something while they are preparing the meal…
Grandmas teach you to eat before your famliy sometimes so you can accomidate the “table needs”. She is right, escpecially those BIG meals.
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
10:55 am
AmazonRed
B/c that’s the first I’ve ever heard this before… Even when I used to got to my granma’s house for the entire summer. She had 9 kids plus me, my sis, and my bro and we always ate first… This is the very 1st day I’ve ever heard of “dad” getting the first plate…
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
10:56 am
This is the very 1st day I’ve ever heard of “dad” getting the first plate…
Dream_n – That’s the first I’ve heard of kids getting fed first too. I just texted some of my friends whose parents are still together and they all responded that Dad gets fed first. Interesting.
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
10:58 am
(accommodate)
@ Melo – lol…cause you read like JtJ’s cousin kids are still hungry from that 2005 Thanksgiving dinner…cuase that shiesty dude ate first!
u straight going off!
Dream_n
September 21st, 2009
10:58 am
Very interesting…
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
10:59 am
Who doesn’t make more than enough Thanksgiving dinner???
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
11:00 am
Now Dream_n you scenario could go either way. I made that baby, I have to deal with it. In terms of taking care of myself back then that was only in terms of not inconveniencing my parents or friends.
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
11:02 am
@ Ared-Never feel sorry for me sweetie..I am blessed and know that I am highly favored…I repeat NEVER I am living this life and to the fullest. This is a blog for crying out loud…Delusional, crazy…ok I’ll give you rude. But delusional and crazy…never that. Maybe it was you dyslexia kicking in…which made you twist some of the things that I say. But like it or not…what I say has ALOT of truth
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 21st, 2009
11:02 am
Dating someone with a child.. 1. Be Understanding. 2. Dont expect to meet the kid until you are introduced, there is no time limit as to when you meet the kid. 3. I dont really want to meet your child so dont try and force that on me, there will be plenty of time to get to know Billy or Sue. 4. Understand that that child comes first because they didnt ask to be here. 5. Know that if I have an emergency I gotta go. 6. Understand that if a man puts his hands on my Son that our relationship will come to an abrupt end due to legal issues.
With my situation I have split custody where I see my Son twice a week and every other weekend so you would have to get your time in when he isnt there. Oh and dont just assume I want to see you when I dont have him because everybody needs some me time.
Melo
September 21st, 2009
11:03 am
oh..oh,no…but i wld have looked at him kinda funny if i were there!
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
11:03 am
@ Cee…..^-^lol
abc
September 21st, 2009
11:03 am
If married, the spouse should always come first, but if only dating, then obviously the kids are number 1. A lot of moms focus on their kids over their husbands, and I think that’s a mistake. When my kids were born, I didn’t just slide down the list, I fell off the list altogether. Now, all men, if they’re honest about it, will confess that they don’t like that; most will accept it, regardless the degree to which they lose attention and respect; but it’s a mistake for women to put their children ahead of their husband. Few men will put their children ahead of their wife.
Manifested as who gets fed first, oh, I don’t know. As something symbolic of what I’m talking about, I suppose I can go along with that.
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
11:03 am
Ared- While I kind of agree with you, you can’t compare how ppl handle their households now to way back when.. I really do believe I would feed my children first before their daddy and I don’t believe their daddy would have a problem with that either..
What if dude is a stay @ home dad?
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
11:04 am
ARED & Dream- Yeah the man always gets the first plate and the BIG piece of chicken. Kids always got fed last when I was coming up. That’s the new age crap where parents put their child on a pedestal. That’s the problem now…kids have choices and feel as if they opinion should be heard since they are now getting waited on hand and foot. SMH!
Grace
September 21st, 2009
11:05 am
Good morning, I’ve never had any challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent, and I’m always up front letting the guy what he’s getting involved in. I take all natural precautions, seeing how he feels about kids and if he has kids of his own, I ask about his relationship with his kids if he’s slack about his relationship with his kids it’s an automatic no go for me, he has no place in my life. Dates will never visit until we’ve established an exclusive relationship however if the dating is going good and we’re leaning towards commitment the kids will be aware of Mr. then the process of implementing our livelyhood will take place. so far I’ve never had a problem and I pray it will stay that way.
As for who gets the big piece of chicken and who eats first, when I was married my husband always started the meal first. He sat at the head of the dinner table then me and the kids, we passed the platters around the table. That’s how I was brought up so it’s just protocol for me. If he was late for dinner I fixed his plate first and put it away for him to eat later. I’ve seen people fix the kids plates first, I never got that concept and I never will.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
11:06 am
ok I’ll give you rude.
Blow Me – The end. Glad you saw the error of your ways tho. You’re just now discovering what I’ve known for a long time with the it’s just your outlook on things and what you put in the air that you attract….
And I don’t have dyslexia, darlin… just knowing what I’m worthy of.
What you said had a lot of truth, for folks who live life with your former outlook. That wasn’t me. 
Blow Me
September 21st, 2009
11:07 am
Its so funny to hear people SPOUT out “Yeah that was back then” Somethings should remain the same because it worked better that way. Kids have wayyyyy to many privileges now a days. Its no good for the them..YOU ARE RAISING ADULTS don’t forget!!
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
11:08 am
THE INFAMOUS DK
September 21st, 2009
11:08 am
Oh and I tell women immediately I have a child and Im an active father.. He is such an important part of my life that I leave the booster seat in the car even when he’s not with me.
Now what I have been seeing that is totally desturbing is women are doing way too much to get out here and date. If I have to ask you where is your child there is a problem. I dont ever want to more impotant than your child or our relationship shouldnt ever be more important than your child. Also Dudes dont get you a new chick and forget about your child cause you are dead azz wrong for that.. Starting a new family and letting that new piece dictate what you do for your child. Tell that chick to shut up or get on gone cause your child is gonna be there when she aint..
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
11:08 am
What if dude is a stay @ home dad?
Lioness – That implies that the stay at home spouse doesn’t contribute to the production of the household.
The stay at home dad is still more of a provider than the children are.
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
11:08 am
Blow- Priviledges?? Eating?
Lioness
September 21st, 2009
11:11 am
DK- I AGREE!!
Ared- Got ya..
Cemeeli
September 21st, 2009
11:12 am
@ Melo – I understand…i dig it.
Raqi...Out of Order
September 21st, 2009
11:13 am
Amazon you know when my kid eats first? When he is having something different than what we are having. Or when my husband is running late.
I don’t make my son wait to eat his ravioli because the steaks are not done. If he does not want a steak, or burger or anything else that can be made in conjunction with what I am making he gets his and is done before we even sit down to eat.
If I am making a burger on the grill for him we are having t-bones, his burger is usually done first so he gets his first. But when we are sitting at the table and all getting the same thing, my husband gets his first.
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
11:15 am
I understand that kids need to be nurtured and provided for. But I think the best demonstration of that is seeing parents take care of and respect one another. Seeing them take care of each other, let me know that they’d take care of me. Because I knew no other way, I couldn’t even wrap my mind around something like I was less loved because I got my plate 2nd. But what I did see was respect for my father and his hard work by him being the head and being taken care of as such. We often couldn’t even have dinner until he got home from work…no matter how late. He helped to make all we had possible.
Leggs
September 21st, 2009
11:16 am
@Lioness, I was thinking the exact same thing when I first read ARed’s post about being the head of the household and a sign of respect. Yes, indeed back then that’s exactly how it went down. You still respect your man, but the children are fed first in my household. To be honest, he can fix his own plate, the child can’t. Heck, he can fix his plate while I’m fixing hers. I know, I know, a whole nother problem in the hierachy of a relationship. Just throwing spit on the fire!
AmazonRed™
September 21st, 2009
11:19 am
Raqi – When Mason isn’t running late, do you guys make it a point to sit and eat as a family? Even if your son has something different to eat.
JtJ
September 21st, 2009
11:20 am
I bought up the issue about the father getting feed the most food 1st…..but I definately understand the reasoning behind it… my issue was the quantity as to having enough for the kids.
Growing up….My step-dad was the cook and he fixed all our plates first….as a way for us to provide feedback on how good the food was. My mom hardly ever cooked and therefore, It was never an issue of him getting his food 1st. When we all ate dinner and passed the tray around, we knew not to go for the big chicken or pork chop, out of respect we knew who it belonged too. But my step-father would always say….ladies first.
I recall fixing my fiance’s plate first once after I tried a new recipe and wanted him to have the first plate, he quickly said…no, feed the kids first, fix mine last. From that point on, I fix the kids’ plates first. My kids always say thank you to both of us after every meal, whether we are eating at home or out in public, because they know who made the meal possible. So, the respect is definately still there.