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Single Parents Rock

It’s always a different experience when you are child-free and date someone who isn’t.  You have to adjust to a few things, just as you would any other relationship. I admire people with children who find the time to mingle and date. I can’t imagine juggling the demands of parenthood and squeezing in the energy and time to devote to dating!

For all the single parents, what advice would you give someone who is just starting to date as a single parent? How do you manage it? What have you found to be the most challenging part of dating?

If you are child-free, do you prefer to date other people who are too? Have you ever dated a person who had children before? What do you think is the best advice to someone who is dating someone with children?

There is something about a man who is handling his responsibilities as a father that is so attractive to me. When you see the nurturing and supportive side of a man, it’s very appealing. Men, do you ever talk about your children to the women you date?

When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent?

409 comments Add your comment

Blow Me

September 21st, 2009
8:49 am

Good Morning all!!

Interesting topic….I prefer not to date someone with kids..Because I don’t have any and I would like this to be our first experience TOGETHER if it leads to that.

Good thing lately, I actually thought about ARED outside of this blog…Would you know that I have been meeting 28yrs w/o kids…This is such a sweet thing. There are TONS of them out there..it’s just your outlook on things and what you put in the air that you attract…so I need to STOP saying they aren’t any..Because there is.

If I am going to date someone with a child…..notice no plural. It can ONLY be 1…I can no longer do that not at all!

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
8:54 am

early morning to ya!

As a single parent myself, my little advice about dating, for those newly “single” parents is; 1) Raise your child with all the love and reassurance they need before you use time away from them to breakbread with Boy/girlfriend #4, first and foremost…by doing this your child will be more acquiescent to the person/people that mommy/daddy brings over. 2) Take care of YOUR needs (including breaks)…just because you are a parent remember you still need “grown up time” & companionship (when you’re ready!) Please do not allow friends/family rush you into the “dating world” if you are not ready. 3)It is not neccessary to allow ALL people you date, or the “new relationships” to be around your child/children.

Everyone is not privy to meet your most precious commodity…

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:01 am

Good Morning All:

I think you should let a person know that you are a parent during your initial conversation.

I don’t mind dating someone with maybe one, possibly two kids if the situation has been well managed. Otherwise, I just prefer not…I don’t want baby momma drama, child custody/support issues. I’ve experienced the bad side of it and I just don’t want to deal.

I have unfortunately dismissed some potentially great guys because of what I perceived as unchecked or overwhelming issues surrounding their kids and the ex. I personally don’t want to be around folks that are messing up their kids ( I’ve witnessed the shrapnel from it).

I think it takes a very special man/woman to step into the role of step parent and unless you can go into it ready to roll up your sleeves and work as hard as the biological parents for the kid(s) don’t do it, that’s sacred territory.

As, far as dating, I would hope that a parent would only introduce their child to someone that they are straight up serious about.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not judging…I’ve got my own ish, it’s just not tied to kids.

Have A Great Day!

Raqi...Out of Order

September 21st, 2009
9:03 am

1. Give yourself time to get over your past relationship.

2. Do not allow your kids to run your life.

3. It’s not necessary for your kids to meet every person you find interesting or attractive.

4. Know the difference from a genuine concern of your kid(s) and sheer brattiness.

5. When the time is right incorporate some activities that include your kid(s) into the time spent with a promising love interest.

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:07 am

Morning all –

There are TONS of them out there..it’s just your outlook on things and what you put in the air that you attract…so I need to STOP saying they aren’t any..Because there is.

Well, well, well… looks like AmazonRed actually does live in the real world. Glad you changed your outlook, Blow. Glad things are working out for you.

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:12 am

I have dated men with children before, but none seriously. As stated before, I don’t ask for anything I can’t offer in my dating life. I would like to end up with a man with no kids. I’d really like us to experience that first together.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
9:14 am

Good Monring All…..I get to blog today since Gwinnett Co. closed schools…..it is a mess out there….lots of roads are flooded and roads colapsed…..drive safely.

On topic: As a single mother due to divorce, I was in that number of singles w/kids….having three kids was not easily digested by several guys that I dated….I got to a point that I disclosed my parenthood quickly….sometimes as soon as I was offered a drink…lol.

It all comes down to the individual and whether they can handle being with someone who has kids and knowing that that part of their life will conflict sometimes with the relationship. My kids always come first and I appreciated the honesty from guys who were no longer interested after the fact. Suprisingly, there were some who had no problem with it as long as me and the ex had no drama.

Suprisingly…I did not stay single for long….I met my fiance within six months after my divorce. I was only out there for a few months, but my experiences weren’t that bad…..only one didn’t show for Thanksgiving dinner because he thought my kids were going to be there. I made it a point to never let anyone I dated meet my kids early…..my fiance didn’t meet them until we were together for over six months.

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:18 am

think it takes a very special man/woman to step into the role of step parent and unless you can go into it ready to roll up your sleeves and work as hard as the biological parents for the kid(s) don’t do it, that’s sacred territory.

Amen.

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
9:24 am

JtJ..i have been out of the loop, when or did you mention your wedding day?

…again, Congratulations to you and your fiance’.

Swissman Swiss Miss IS Mrs. Swiss now, isn’t she?!!? & Tazzee Mae, Kimmie Ah, holla.

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:25 am

I have a question for the single parents…Who comes first your new mate or your kid(s)?

Blow Me

September 21st, 2009
9:31 am

@ ARED…LOL. Don’t push it girlie!! lmao! I will give you that…You were right.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
9:32 am

@ Cemeeli…Thanks again…..the wedding day is set for October 23, 2010…we are planning on having it either here in Lawrenceville or in Tallahassee, Fl. The colors are FSU….garnet, gold, & white…his idea!!

My sister, who is single w/ no kids…has ruled out dating men with kids because it was later revealed that most were not taking care of their kids…..One guy didn’t even have a recent picture of his kids and couldn’t even get their ages and birthdays right!!! How can step to a woman to try to date her and you are not taking care of your responsibilities????

Dream_n

September 21st, 2009
9:33 am

Good Morning All,

Hope Everyone had a Safe and Wonderful Weekend!

Being a single parent has it’s trials in it’s own, adding dating to that scenario can often be complicated and tiresome. As a parent myself (when i become single ).. I would first focus on getting my life/child’s life on track… nothing worse than not having your things in place and trying to incorporate someone’s else’s life into yours… I don’t think I would be closed off to dating someone with kids… maybe 1 or 2 or even 3, but any more would take heavy consideration. I’m not into all that drama, so I would hope that I’m not the only mother that doesn’t give into that… but drama is something I definately can not deal with.

I wouldn’t even introduce my daughter to any man I was just “dating” but he would know of her… It would take a long time for me to let someone have that privelage of meeting my daughter.

I really applaud the single mothers out there taking care of the home and making it w/out the help of the father… It’s hard and can be a bit overwhelming as do I applaud the men :)

Being someone that has kids and would be open to dating someone with kids…
What are the reasons that some men/women would not be open to dating another man/woman with kids?

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:35 am

Interesting blog title today… :|

Zachs Mom

September 21st, 2009
9:35 am

@Wings…why does it have to be either or? Even if you were still with the origional mate you have to make compromises.

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:38 am

ZM- I don’t know, I’m just asking……

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
9:40 am

@ Wings……the kids of course, because they have to be cared for and tended to. The question really shouldn’t be valid because any man or woman who knows that you are in your child’s life and love them dearly, won’t even have to ask that question.

I explained to my 11 y/o daughter, that the love I have for Jay comes from a different place than the love I have in my heart for her. I told her I have my heart “compartmentalized” and everyone had their own equal little section in my heart.

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
9:42 am

@ JtJ – Nice color scheme…a Fla. wedding too?…Heard someone else speaking about Destin for their wedding rcntly.

FSU!?! girl i’ve been granfathered “in” as a fan. I like them.

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:43 am

In a traditional relationship….the spouse comes first and then the kids…order of the family…. I was just wondering if that same thought process applies…

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:43 am

Zachs Mom – Wings asks a good question tho. Typically someone DOES have to come first. You can’t serve two masters.

Don’t know if anyone is gonna touch that one tho.

That’s a condundrum for single people who date parents. Theoretically, your mate should come first, but what happens when the kid was there before you were? :lol:

Dream_n

September 21st, 2009
9:44 am

I believe the NEEDS of your child/children definately comes first b4 a mate….. but you do have those bratty kids
(myseld used to be one)

Who don’t want their parents to date anyone else except their dad/mom, and who will make you feel like dating is putting them on the back burner.

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:44 am

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:45 am

@ ARED…LOL. Don’t push it girlie!! lmao! I will give you that…You were right.

Blow – Please. You need to go back and read some of the shyt you talked about me at the time. You’re lucky I’m being as cool with it as I am.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
9:47 am

@ Wings…your question made me remember when my cousin used to fix her husband’s plate first before their kids ( he was really big and ate a lot) and would have to give herself and the kids smaller portions of what was left after he had his plate. I’ve always heard that the husband/wife are to be above the kids…..but I would think parents would feed the kids first since they are growing and need the nourishment….IDK..just made me think of that with “who comes first”.

Raqi...Out of Order

September 21st, 2009
9:50 am

Your kids should always come before a total stranger. Once you have been dating and forming a relationship then things should start to balance out it. See the time you spend with your unmarried S/O is not just about them, it’s about you also. You and your needs. You have to learn how to put everything and everyone in its rightful place.

There will be times when someone may feel neglected even when they aren’t or that’s not your intention. Heck that someone will sometimes be you. Nothing is perfect. Situations have their ups and downs.

Now if you have Susan Smith tendencies then you need help. But other than that it’s all about responsibilities and balance of needs.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
9:51 am

@ Cemeeli….It is FSU all the way in our house…even the baby has an FSU outfit…lol. I am just getting into college football….their games are definately more interesting and they play their hearts out.

The FSU wedding colors were my promise to him, we even purchased an FSU garter belt and wedding favors on online….We are thinking about renting one of the conference facilities on the FSU campus.

Wings() (Rainy Days and Mondays....)

September 21st, 2009
9:53 am

JTJ – The Judeo-Christan belief of “leave and cleave” is where that comes from along with the natural order of the family….However today, I guess it boils down to your own belief system of family order.

I think you cousin found her own way to put her man first.

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
9:57 am

“I am just getting into college football….their games are definately more interesting and they play their hearts out.

This deserves repeating! Yes..yes…

@ JtJ – aww..the baby got FSU gear too? That is too cute! Those colors are complimentary. Think you’re going to be FSU’d out by Oct. 24th 2010? Or just “out”? lol…

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:57 am

Now if you have Susan Smith tendencies then you need help. But other than that it’s all about responsibilities and balance of needs

Reminds me of the Caylee Anthony story. The toddler who was killed and her mother is going to trial for it. Evidence points to her feeling the child was a burden because it conflicted with her relationship.

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
9:59 am

Good football weekend for me. Cal won, Raiders won, USC LOST. Heh heh heh.

Dream_n

September 21st, 2009
10:00 am

I remeber that story.. (Caylee).. That was really sad… I can’t even imagine what goes through someone’s head who murdered their child… that’s just crazy …..

Leggs

September 21st, 2009
10:03 am

Good morning!

When do you bring up the fact that you are a parent? During your first conversation.

Who comes first, mate or kids, my child! We’ve had this conversation may times here, and I know a lot disagrees with me.

@Cee ~ you’re right, not everyone gets to meet my precious commodity.

@JtJ ~ it’s different in different households. I fed lil leggs first. I even noticed when I stopped letting him get the best piece of meat!
Your children need to feel that they are important, their needs, wants and concerns are being attended to. No child wants to be placed or feel that they’re being placed on the back burner to accommodate another person. It’s hard to find a balance, but the maturity level of him and I, and the desire to make the relationship work should help balance things out!

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
10:03 am

@ Zach’s Mom – Compromise is a good word…

I would hope that Kids vs. “Mate first” would not be a WWF in a loving environment/household….shucks, Lil Miss, or Jr. Chef can fix plates for daddy and me as soon as i’m/we’re finish cooking if she/he want too.

whatever works for those individuals/household

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
10:05 am

Hi Lil Leggs Mommy!….of course, you know it.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
10:07 am

“There will be times when someone may feel neglected even when they aren’t or that’s not your intention. Heck that someone will sometimes be you. ”
@ Raqi….I feel that way sometimes, especially when the kids consume the entire weekend with sports and events….we usually make up for by making them go to bed early and shutting our bedroom door for some “we” time.

@ Cemeeli….I am sure by then, I will not want to repeat or even here the words …FSU…Sad thing is me and the baby’s birthdays are Nov. 29, Nov. 30. FSU always play the FL Gators around that time…last year her 1st b-day was on the same day as the family FSU/Gator TailGate Party and we were still down there for my b-day….I was not a happy camper!! Can’t seperate a man and his football!

Kym-has angered the sky sprirts and the football gods.

September 21st, 2009
10:08 am

Good Morning All,

As a single parent the advice I have:

Don’t introduce your child to everyone you date.–You are dating not your kid(s).

Don’t expect this new person in your life to fill the gap of the father(mother of your child)–Cut out or better yet don’t make comparisons at all.

Develop a good support system.-Friends and family, sitter who you can trust to watch your youngins while you date.

Don’t expect to take your youngins on the date. I am sorry but that attitude of date me..date my kid that has played out. You can go out without little Ray-Ray and Ray-Ray can stand to spend time away from you.

Not sure who brought it up but in a dating relationship(keyword is dating) The kid always comes first. If the kid is sick, needs medical treatment,then Mr. Bobo has to understand you can’t go out.

Raqi...Out of Order

September 21st, 2009
10:08 am

Amazon my entire adult dating career was as a single parent so I know what it’s like finding the balance. Any man that even tried to place me in such a position of choosing him over my kids quickly got the boot. Hell those are my kids and you are just a stranger that I have yet become to know.

I would not deny a time or two doing some things that I probably should not have when it came to someone I had formed as relationship with but I always made sure my kids were safe and taken care of. But those times were merely for the fulfillment of my need or want at the time.

It’s a package deal though for a single parent. You cannot separate the kids from the parents.

2CPTG

September 21st, 2009
10:12 am

Mornin’……ummm yeah, you mention your kids from the jump! I can’t see NOT mentioning them;

i'm swiss

September 21st, 2009
10:13 am

On Topic: I would never have considered dating anyone with kids, simply because I had none myself and (equally as important) I had other options. Nothing wrong with being a single parent, but that just wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.

Morning, Cee… Yes, Swiss Miss is indeed Mrs. Swiss now. And I couldn’t be happier… :-D

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
10:14 am

No child wants to be placed or feel that they’re being placed on the back burner to accommodate another person.

Leggs – I wouldn’t say that happens just because a person decides to put their mate first. Had you chosen to feed your husband first, doesn’t mean that your daughter would have felt neglected.

Melo

September 21st, 2009
10:15 am

your question made me remember when my cousin used to fix her husband’s plate first before their kids

JtJ,now thats just damn greedy…when it comes to food and survival etc,kids are the most vulnerable,they come first..OMG,greedy step daddy!

The woman was wrong too…

Now Wings askesd a great qstion….kids will always be kids but circumstances of first or second?? u gotta clarify..

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
10:16 am

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
10:16 am

It’s a package deal though for a single parent. You cannot separate the kids from the parents.

I totally agree. I think women are more realistic with this one than men. The guys I’ve met who do have kids want to stress that a woman would be a priority. Maybe because they aren’t the ones with primary custody most times? I don’t know.

Just makes it one of the reasons I know I’m not the best equipped to handle it.

Blow Me

September 21st, 2009
10:16 am

ARED-Hey hey now…you actually remember some of the things I have said…Whoa! I have reached you. Please don’t take it to heart. Didn’t realize you were so sensitive underneath all of that mouth. But hey most ppl with ALOT of mouth are the sensitive type.

I’ll wipe the slate clean. lol!

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
10:18 am

Um…can someone elaborate why the husband doesn’t get fed first? He’s is the provider! My dad always got his food first. He was the head of household and it was a demonstration of the respect of the role. Trust me, us kids always got fed too.

Cemeeli

September 21st, 2009
10:18 am

:lol: @ Swiss! well keep that bliss then.

2CPTG

September 21st, 2009
10:19 am

Hey Cee!!! and ummm, what you know bout them ‘Noles, gal????? Saw that beatdown we put on BYU this weekend? Had only Tampa Bay won yesterday, all woulda been well this weekend..

AmazonRed™

September 21st, 2009
10:21 am

Hey hey now…you actually remember some of the things I have said…

Blow – I would remember anything you said if I had a gun to my head. I just know it was crazy, delusional and rude and that I felt sorry for you that you were so short sighted.

Of course you’ll wipe the slate clean. You were the one who was wrong! :lol:

Kym-has angered the sky sprirts and the football gods.

September 21st, 2009
10:24 am

Normally in my family when we are preparing for a family gathering you feed the midgets first so they are all out of the way and then let those with bigger tummy’s go last. They normally have bigger than normal plates and make several return trips. At my house since its me and the son..he fixes his plate and I fix mine or if I feel like it I fix both or he fixes mine. There is no rhyme or reason.

JtJ

September 21st, 2009
10:25 am

@ Melo….my cousin was married…he was their bilogical father…if that matters.

ARed….I understood it from a biblical sense that the man is the head of his home. With my cousin’s situation, I just did not agree that she would pack his plate full and only have enough to give her and two growing boys 1 single serving. She could’ve just prepared more, but she never did.