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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Too Good to be True

One of the tricky things about dating is figuring out who is authentic and who is not. It’s hard not to become a cynic after meeting the phonies and the crazies. When we actually the meet the totally normal, completely sane individual, we aren’t always prepared!

Have you ever met someone that seems like the ideal match for you? You are attracted to them and vice versa, you have wonderful chemistry together, and they even seem to have everything you’ve been looking for. Then doubt creeps in. The uninvited thing that makes you question if the person is too good to be true.

Why do you think we do this so often? Is there really such a thing as too good to be true? I have even been in a situation where I started to expect “the other shoe to drop” so to speak.  You know when you start looking for signs that the person isn’t as great as they seem? Most of the time, it’s not the other person that has the issue, it’s you! (ok, it’s me as well but I’m not alone, right?)

What is a good way to combat the cynicism in dating and relationships? Has anyone ever told you that you were too good to be true?

Happy Friday!

315 comments Add your comment

C tha 1

September 18th, 2009
8:38 am

Damn! This topic was the bane of my existance at one point in my life. To good to be true?! How can anyone be that? And I’m FAR from perfect. Looking back its just a shame some of the women I dealt with were scared to the point where they let their fears defeat a possible romance. And to make matters worse they take a chance at love with someone who couldn’t possibly reciprocate half the emotions and action they give. I really do feel sad for a number of single women (and some married) who act like this.

Wings() (My Soul is Happy!)

September 18th, 2009
9:00 am

Good Morning Bloggers and Happy Friday!

Great Topic WD.

No Cynicism here!

I am thankful that I no longer look at folks through rose colored glasses, my experience has taught me that not only do we all have flaws, but when it comes down to finding a mate its a matter of which ones are acceptable for you to deal(live) with. I don’t look for the flaws I go into all relationships knowing that they exist and if you are astute enough it won’t take you long to know what they are.

I am so not perfect……and those imperfections make me who I am….as long as my core values are intact, I’m okay with mine.

Have a Great Day and I leave with this quote:

“You look at the scratch and completely miss the diamond”.

ImAPeach404

September 18th, 2009
9:03 am

Looking back its just a shame some of the women I dealt with were scared to the point where they let their fears defeat a possible romance.

C how much personal responsibility are you willing to accept for the population of “scared” women out there? And, I’m not asking for a number… I’m just saying… think about all the dirt you’ve done since you’ve started dating. Think about women who you know you did wrong… If you’re trying to date a women seriously, you’re going to have to be understanding that things in her past have shaped who she is now. Good and bad. And thats pretty elementary, but men seem to forget this principal applies to dealings with our heart.

Without getting to technical, here’s a very simple breakdown of a 30 year old male and his friends. We’ll just take say they have been doing dirt for 10 years:
6 women a year x 10 years = 60 women
3 of his friends x 10 years = 30 women x 10 years = 300 women
So, between said man and his said friends… they have done dirt to over 360 women.

Now… that’s a very conservative equation right there. But 1 man and his 3 friends have sent out 360 women into the dating world with a bad experience. It really starts to get ugly when you take that number of women and multiply them by how many bad experiences they’ve had over 10 years!!!

I’m not saying it’s always the men – no way – we know thats not the case. Sometimes we are the cause of our own unhappiness. But, in accordance with the topic, i’m just trying to give reason as to why we sometimes don’t believe it when we meet mr. too good to be true.

ImAPeach404

September 18th, 2009
9:03 am

Sorry everyone – I didn’t realize that post was so long!

Dan

September 18th, 2009
9:04 am

Good morning,

I think there is a healthy skepticism when situations like this arise. But I hold true to the line of thinking that “I’ll believe what you tell me, until I have a reason not to”.

“Why do [we] think this so often?” A lot of it has to do projecting our own behaviors onto others. As in “I [would] lie, so why wouldn’t they?” It really is a case of self-inflicted wounds.

Like spying on people out of jealousy or fear; do it, and you will find what you’re looking for. I’m not proposing naivete (by any means), it just that sometimes placing (a limited amount of) trust in another person is not such a bad thing.

ImAPeach404

September 18th, 2009
9:12 am

My math was a little off :)
Its 240 women – not 360.
Same difference…

Chink

September 18th, 2009
9:15 am

Too Good to be True…I think we all go into a relationship with a healthy amount of baggage sometimes not so healthy.
A lot of it has to do projecting our own behaviors onto others.<— than on the flip side is what someone did to you.

I would be very happy if people treated me how I do to them…but thats wishful thinking. Its a process…take it one day at a time.

aggwitty

September 18th, 2009
9:21 am

Dan i gotta disagree with you on the spying thing. If a bamma aint doing dirt I dont care how much a broad digs, she gonna come up emptier than Geraldo in Al capone’s hideout.

as far as this topic goes, this I believe is a generational thing. We have lost our proper respect for women, and women have lost their proper respect for themselves and men. This manifest in women allowing themselves to be treated poorly and men taking advantage of that. When a dude that comes along who is decent, at least compared to others, it is difficult to accept.

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
9:33 am

Happy Friday To Everyone :)

Too Good To Be True (lol..only in movies)

Unfortunately, in some instances “Yes”, we women bring in past baggages/suitcases/and everything else into our future relationships. Is it “right” maybe not, but we’re human. If over 30 years you’ve been hurt in 3 major relationships, then yes, when “Mr. Right” comes along you may be a little skeptical about opening up or giving yourseld emtionally to that person. I love ImAPeach404’s analogy. What if the women in that scenario actually were in “love”…. Now you have 240 bruised women out there talking about men aren’t nothing… and we women talk lol….. That goes for men too, if they were with women that they genuinely cared for, but we’re treated like crap.. they’re attitude may change a bit even though they were initially “good guys”. I’m not sayig it’s right, but our past experiences shape us, and either we learn and move with carrying around that excess weight (which is the ideal thing to do) or we but up that road block and make our men/women jump through hurdles to our heart….

C tha 1

September 18th, 2009
9:45 am

Peach, of course I’ve done some women wrong. I said I’m not perfect, and I’m not one for comparing my sins to the next mans but it is what it is. However by your math I’ve probably screwed up every woman I’ve dealt with. But I’ll just take your math as exaggeration. Its healthy to be skeptical. I am too. However, the times I’ve toyed with any woman’s feelings are when my actions didn’t line up with my words . . . ironically it was those times I had their full undivided attention and they probably couldn’t see the forrest from the trees. On the flip side there have only been a few times that women I’ve dealt with accpeted my alignment of actions and words as genuine with no hidden agenda.

Dan

September 18th, 2009
9:45 am

@Aggwit

If anyone searches long enough you will find [read: convince yourself] what you were looking for.

When Geraldo opened that empty vault, he was still talking about “Capone memorabilia”. Fact is when a person convinces themselves that something is wrong (despite evidence to the contrary – see BHO not being an American citizen) nothing will convince them otherwise.

aggwitty

September 18th, 2009
9:47 am

aggwitty

September 18th, 2009
9:50 am

sidebar: Halle Berry…my lawd, still!

Dan

September 18th, 2009
9:53 am

@aggwit

Halle Berry…always

Grace

September 18th, 2009
9:56 am

I proceede with caution, I’m not waiting for the other shoe to fall but I do go in with both eyes wide open as oppose to how I did when I first ventured into dating, I know there’s no perfect person out there, we all have our flaws whether we recognize it or someone points it out. I’m not saying I’ll make it hard for a man to win my heart since that’s the sole purpose for me to date, but I will be in the reality knowing that he has 20 + years of stuff he’s been thru and if he’s willing/ready to move beyond with me, then it’s all good.

Happy Friday!

Raqi

September 18th, 2009
9:58 am

I think the too good to be true attitude comes from being lied to, played and deceived time and time again. If you think about it we all start out green. We pretty much believe whatever is told to us and we soon find our hearts broken. It’s only after you have gone that route several times that you began to expect the people you are meeting are not truthful or are hiding something. Then when you do meet a person that is pretty straight forward you think they are too good to be true and you can find yourself sitting waiting for the shoe to drop.

We all probably have one time or the other subjected a new love interest to paying for the sins of another. As well as being one that is the source of someone doing it to someone else.

We would like to hope and believe that we all eventually grow out of the game playing on side and grow to learn to trust again on the other, but sadly enough there are grown folks out there still not coming straight and the trust issues continue to form.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 18th, 2009
10:06 am

Morning Gang & TGIF!

I’ve had my share of hurt, but I made a decision a few years ago for New Years 2007. I decided when 2007 came in I was going to “take out the trash”. Eliminate the sorry men I was dealing with and sever other toxic friends from my life. Part of that was deciding that I was not going to allow the bad experiences I had in the past with men to block a good thing when I met a nice guy. Not that I was big on carrying a lot of baggage to begin with, but I just was not going to give them any more power over my happiness. When I kicked them to the curb, it was all the way.

Some have described my SO as “too good to be true”. I’m human, and in the beginning months the doubts would try to creep in – “okay, when is he going to do, try something trifling?”. I told myself it’s sad that we look for problems when there are none. We’re not used to being treated well. I stamped those thoughts out immediately.

I know all men are not dogs. I refuse to let the actions of a few spoil my joy!

Raqi

September 18th, 2009
10:19 am

I know all men are not dogs.

kimmie, I think they all are but some are just better trained and house broken. :lol:

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 18th, 2009
10:22 am

Raqi – LOL!!!!

Grace

September 18th, 2009
10:24 am

Raqi you nailed it on the head, that’s why I move with caution, deciphering whether it’s a game or not and even if it’s not a game I sometimes deem it as one because of it’s similarity of the last. I try my best not to let my mouth form the words ‘there’s no good man….” but sometimes I just can’t help saying it.

Grace

September 18th, 2009
10:30 am

:lol: :lol: : Raqi my neighbor’s dog jumped in my lap when I told her I was looking for a good man….LOL I wonder what does that mean?

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
10:32 am

lol :) … i wonder what men call us….

Tazzee - GO FALCONS!!!

September 18th, 2009
10:35 am

Morning Folks!

Raqi definitely hit the nail on the head with her 9:58 (and the 10:19 :lol: )

In my last relationship I thought we were the perfect match and all it turned out to be a ‘too good to be true’ situation. With my fiance’ I didn’t think we were a perfect match in the beginning. So I went into the relationship free of any doubts.

Then as we spent more and more time together everything started to fall into place – effortlessly. That is when the doubts crept in. For a while I was truly waiting for the other shoe to drop. At one point I thought it had, only to find it was nothing (we still laugh about that instance).

I have had guys tell me I was too good to be true – I guess in those instances, I was.

Raqi

September 18th, 2009
10:36 am

Dream_n they call us dogs. It’s just called B!tch when it’s female.

abc

September 18th, 2009
10:40 am

Dream_n, we refer to you as psycho beeyotches, among other things. Chicks will suffice.

Even when you find one that isn’t a player, skank ho, lying, irresponsible, criminal, whatever, you have a different set of things to beware. A lot of folks like that can be so possessive that you’ll never get out of the house again, without a written kitchen pass or something. Men can start to feel like a chained dog, chicks like a caged bird.

You just have to get to know someone really before taking any big steps. Some folks are easier to get to know than others. The ones that are hard to get to know are generally good ones to avoid.

Tazzee - GO FALCONS!!!

September 18th, 2009
10:43 am

Off Topic:

Need a little advice from the ladies… I gotta go get some fake nails. We’re taking engagement photos and I broke 3 nails this week (my hands look pretty bad). I’m sure they have more alternatives to nails than the acrylics I used to get 15 years ago. What’s the ‘least intrusive’ covering out there these days?

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
10:44 am

we refer to you as psycho beeyotches

ouch!!

@ Tazzee: No to fake nails!!!

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
10:46 am

Grace

September 18th, 2009
10:46 am

Tazzee try Lee press on…I’ve seen several other name brands and off name brands in Rite Aid/Walgreens/CVS…they come in array of colors/brush ons/french…….they look pretty good too.

Leggs

September 18th, 2009
10:47 am

They probably call us “trifling heifers.”

Leggs

September 18th, 2009
10:49 am

Oh snap, just saw your post, abc….that’s not nice!

Grace

September 18th, 2009
10:49 am

Dream n I can’t wear fake nails b/c of the work I do, I can’t type in them! but I do dress my nails up for events and such :wink:

Raqi

September 18th, 2009
10:49 am

B!tch – Dog

Chicks – Hen

Heifer – Cow

2CPTG - nuttin better to do (at the moment)

September 18th, 2009
10:50 am

ain’t no such thing as too good to be true! If you’re a good person that’s just it, when someone says you’re too good to be true, nine times outta ten, it’s because you’re probably accustomed to dealin’ with trash, and now you see decency in ya face and you’on know how to act!

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
10:56 am

@ Grace

I’ve been blessed (lol) to have long nails naturally per my mom. (thanx ma)
My sis got my nails done one time and it was heck when those things came off.. made my nails brittle…. I did try those “press on” toe nails.. me and my sis and we then went to Wisconsin Dells… bad idea… those things were floating in the water after one dive. :)

Melo

September 18th, 2009
10:58 am

Raqi my neighbor’s dog jumped in my lap when I told her I was looking for a good man

well dogs go by smell for the most part.

U proly gushing out some horny-chic fuuuuuu kinda of smell and she smelled it,maybe coz he/she horny too….. :lol:

Tazzee - GO FALCONS!!!

September 18th, 2009
11:05 am

Dream_n – when we take pictures I have to show my hands, and when my nails break – they break REALLY low. I’ve been blessed with nice natural nails too, they’re just not really strong and right now I have 2 stubs on one hand and one on the other. Trust me, I don’t like the fake nails either.

Grace – Lee press-on would require that I do them myself, LOL. I’m bad with stuff like that. But I might look at that, since it’s only for the picture. I wonder if my fiance’ will help me put them on :lol: I type a lot at work too, but I keep my natural nails at a nice length where they don’t interfere with my typing.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 18th, 2009
11:12 am

I suspect that this may have already been mentioned today and I have not read all of the posts, but…the question that runs through my mind and the minds of others that I date is:

“If you are so perfect, why did the others eventually kick you to the curb?” This is a question I find myself asking and unfortunately figuring out often if I wait long enough. It does seem like everything can be going along just perfect, maybe even the “L” word enters the picture, then one day something from “left field” blindsides you and you wonder “where the hellz did that come from?”. All of a sudden you are faced with a side of that person you had no idea even existed.

In my last relationship, the lady could tell me a dozen times she loved me more than she ever thought possible, then the next night I would get a “Dear Randy” email that she needed to end it. These “weirdisms” never seem to emerge at first, only later when you think you have finally found the fabled “soulmate”.

There are only two kinds of people who have flaws…every man and every woman. All you can do is wait until they start coming out and make a decision whether you should stay or go.

Grace

September 18th, 2009
11:12 am

I knew you would take it there Melo btw I highly doubt that.

Page1908

September 18th, 2009
11:13 am

aggwitty what is a “bamma”?

Grace

September 18th, 2009
11:15 am

“press on” toe nails….I’m still trying to figure that one out LOL

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 18th, 2009
11:15 am

@Raqi re: “I know all men are not dogs.

kimmie, I think they all are but some are just better trained and house broken”.

That is funny…true, but funny.

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 18th, 2009
11:16 am

@Taz per a profession nail tech you want to go with the silk nails. They can make a little form to resemble your other nails.

I wear acrylic “fake” whateva because (a) I want to and (b) I am a nail bitter and been know to bite my nails until they bleed sooo acrylic work great for me.

aggwitty

September 18th, 2009
11:16 am

bamma is a one size fits all term for people, DC thing that I still hold onto for some odd reason

Page1908

September 18th, 2009
11:18 am

oh ok gracias.

CHAI

September 18th, 2009
11:21 am

Good Morning everyone

Dream_n

September 18th, 2009
11:22 am

LOL @ gRACE: YOu can buy them at Walgreens/CVS also.. their in the same area :)

Dan

September 18th, 2009
11:23 am

@Page/Agg

It’s a GA thing too (though urbandictionary gives DC credit).

Alabama is one of THE most backwoods places on the Earth (slightly above Mississippi,Louisiana, Idaho, Kentucky, parts of Missouri, etc.). The term refers to “an uneducated, demonstrably ignorant person”.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bamma

Page1908

September 18th, 2009
11:25 am

ok Dan, well, i drove through alabama from cali when i moved here. it didn’t seem like a place i would like to visit.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 18th, 2009
11:25 am

Do any of you all watch The Office? If so, did you see the season premiere last night? It was hillarious!