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Seal the Deal

I know a lot of men who say that compatibility in the bedroom is extremely important to them. I have never heard them say it is what would seal the deal when it comes to marriage though.

I think some women believe that men are into the chase and they only want one thing in a dating relationship.  I’m sure that is the case with a lot of single people, men and women.  However, those of us who actually value friendship over sex, are willing to find out if the compatibility extends past the bedroom. Do you find this a challenge in dating?

Is it difficult to get each other to focus on our “emotional connection” with someone without letting the  sex cloud our judgment?

Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women? What if a guy is looking for a committed relationship, does that make a difference?

Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex? Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad? Does love have to seal the deal for you to marry?

Men, what seals the deal for you when you feel like you’ve met Ms. Right?

356 comments Add your comment

Dan

September 16th, 2009
8:26 am

Good morning,

The famed “emotional connection” is enhanced by sex (realistically, when are you ever more connected?).

Likewise, compatability extends to the bedroom as well. If he’s a rabbit and she’s a turtle (or vice versa) that creates inherent difficulties.

As for “sealing the deal”, I personally wouldn’t know about marriage but it’s a definite plus for me in a relationship.

And yes, men value sex over friendship (but only slightly- like 55-45).

Grace

September 16th, 2009
8:40 am

Great sex will not keep me, if that’s all you have to offer and there’s no love in the equation, I’ll keep walking, I need the whole shabang!

dw

September 16th, 2009
8:47 am

I disagree Dan, we don’t value sex over friendship. I would much rather have 1 friend that I know I can depend on and who has my best interest at heart, than 10 booty calls. Booty calls are easy to find, but real friends aren’t.
LOYALTY is what would seal the deal for me. I need to know you got my back and I will make sure you know I have yours. When you can feel secure in the fact that your mate will always be there for you, that’s better than any sex you could ever have.

Anon B.

September 16th, 2009
8:51 am

Totally agree–>When you can feel secure in the fact that your mate will always be there for you, that’s better than any sex you could ever have.

And THAT makes the sex even hotter. at least for me!

Dan

September 16th, 2009
8:54 am

@Dw/Anon

Then, by your estimation, a platonic female friend (that has your back and is LOYAL) is really all you need?

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
8:57 am

Sex is important in relationships is not the most important aspect. It is just a piece of the puzzle that makes for a good, healthy relationship. It cannot stand alone. Never have and never will.

While the sexual relationship between my husband and I is quite enjoyable, on most days LOL, it is far from what sealed the deal for me to marry him. I just felt so together with him in my life. Yes he completes me. But that is not all he does. He gets me. A lot of people don’t understand what that means but when you are as complex as I can be at times, having someone that gets you and is inspired by it…you’ll have to experience it to get it.

He is everything I need and a great deal of what I wanted.

And you know the most important thing is we like each other. We actually like each other. Love is grand but like is what makes it work. Every time my husband smiles and looks at me and says “you know what I like you” that means a helluva lot.

Okay now enough of that corny stuff…

Anon B.

September 16th, 2009
9:04 am

Nope, that’s why I said the sex will be even hotter. I don’t have sex with my male friends. Trust, sex is important to me. Very important, but I’ve learned enough in dealing with men, that if the other parts aren’t there, that mind blowing, deep in your gut thrusts won’t change a thing.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
9:07 am

@Anon

My bad, I thought you were a male. My comment was aimed at the “male” sensability.

DW, if you’re a woman, my apologies to you as well

dw

September 16th, 2009
9:09 am

@Dan–That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that loyalty is more important than sex. I like sex just like the next man, don’t get it twisted, but it’s not the most important thing.

dw

September 16th, 2009
9:11 am

Oh, I’m a MAN. Perhaps to boys sex is all that matters. I have never been sprung by what a female does in the bedroom, but I have been sprung by what she does outside of the bedroom, and what goes on in the bedroom dresses up the other part very nicely.

Anon B.

September 16th, 2009
9:13 am

It’s cool.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
9:14 am

To have a person that gets you…oh I already said that.

Sealing the deal usually follows a series of events and actions. It’s sorta like buying a car. You have the finding what you like stage. You have the negotiation stage, which I would liken to the dating dance and getting to know each other. And then you make the purchase. You seal the deal.

During negotiation you determine what you are willing to live and not live with. You get to see what type of friend they are, how they handle conflict, how they chose to resolve matters if at all, what makes them happy, what turns them off, and what turns their ignition.

The one thing I noticed looking back now before I got married, there were many things that I loved and liked about Mr. Mason, but there was one thing added that sealed the deal. Locked me in. He said something to his mother that he loved so dearly that let me know he was the one.

When a person is willing to give up something to be with you that’s a good indication that they are all in.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
9:15 am

@dw

Nice.

While acknowledging that I should’ve included the (ever necessary) conditional “most men”; I never said that it was the most important part of a relationship.

To readdress my original question to you, if your platonic female friend did everything “outside the bedroom” but nothing to “dress up the other part”, could you committ to her?

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
9:18 am

men value sex over friendship

Dan are you saying that you can have a meaningful relationship with a woman that you are not total friends with if the sex alone is to your satisfaction?

dw

September 16th, 2009
9:26 am

The title “plutonic” inherently comes with the fact that you two are not interested in persuing a romantic relationship with one another, rather you find each other’s friendship to be on the same level as the one you share with your male friends. So no I wouldn’t committ to her because I wouldn’t have any romantic interest in her. Sex in relationships happens when there is a romantic interest being shared between the two, if only for one night. Plutonic friends don’t think about having sex with each other, because it would be a kin to wanting to have sex with your sister. (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, lol)

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
9:33 am

My son has these geometrical wooden puzzles that he likes to play with, and the issue of the many parts it takes to make or have a relationship reminds me of those puzzles. All parts of that puzzle are of the importance. The puzzle is not complete until all parts are in place.

If I took one of those puzzles and wrote on each piece the things that are important to me in a relationship (loyalty, love, trust, friendship, sex, sacrifice…………danggit I got distracted. What was I saying?

Well I’ll say this it would not be complete with all the pieces in place.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
9:34 am

@dw

That’s (kinda) the point, if sex wasn’t important to a committed relationship, then you’d be in a relationship with your best female friend. That’s where the “joys of sex” plays it’s role.

Likewise, would you committ to a womam with whom sex was horrible? These are valid questions when you state about how little the sex matters. The other things you mentioned are great (fantastic, wonderful) things that add to a relationship, but the lack physical attraction and romantic chemistry would doom even the most loyal and caring of partners (male and female). Lofty ideal, practical nightmare. Isallimsaying

@Raqi

Meaningful, no. That relationship would be only about sex. But the point that I’m tryin to make is that like good sex enhances a relationship, bad or no sex can ruin it.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
9:44 am

Like all of your posts so far (except the throwing up in mouth bit)…..DW that’s how a man reads

It seems to me, value is placed on what a person finds value in. If getting down is the be all that ends all, then yeah sex is waaaay up there for you. But making life and love I don’t believe is as difficult as sometimes portrayed but it takes more effort than the old heave of repeated back and forths, bust and done. In essence anybody can hump heck animals do but sealing the deal would have to be done on the right combination of connection on all levels.

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 16th, 2009
9:47 am

Morning All,

I think sex is an essential part of a relationship but not the main part. Now would I marry for the great sex… nope. Would I be quick to dip on a guy who is lacking proper training in sex…hmmm that is pause for thought. While he maybe wonderful, kind, good convo. He better have a willingness to learn cause err..there will be ISSUES. I think someone pointed out you can’t have a cold fish and a hot tamale rolling around. Someone is going to be unsatisfied.

dw

September 16th, 2009
9:47 am

I never said sex wasn’t important. I said that sex wasn’t THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Please understand that having that “mind blowing” sex could eventually lead to her becoming a mother. Now ask yourself is having some good “stuff” equivalent to being a good mother or wife? COME ON BRO!
You wouldn’t be trying to have a relationship with somebody in the first place if there was no physical or romanctic chemistry, so a committment would never come into play. And keeping it one hunnid, when was the last time you had horrible sex with a woman? We always acheive the end result, women should be more concerned about that. Because, at the end of the day vagina is vagina, no matter who it was attached to, it has always made me climax. That’s why the other things matter more because if it got wet we could do it with a hole in the ground, you know good and well sex is not emotional for us and therefore would not be a deciding factor in making a commitment to a woman.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
9:49 am

Morning all –

Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women?

Naturally.

I was just thinking last night that I wish men worked as hard at relationships as they did trying to get the na na! :lol:

And for me personally, it’s really hard to keep a guy focused on the emotional connection. Guys are constantly trying to get into my pants and are hoping for it to happen as quickly as possible. It’s a constant battle to shift their focus.

And no I wouldn’t marry someone just for great sex, but I couldn’t marry someone who couldn’t satisfy me either.

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
9:49 am

Three Words Daily – Still holding on.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
9:52 am

That’s why the other things matter more because if it got wet we could do it with a hole in the ground, you know good and well sex is not emotional for us

It must be grand being a man…just a thought, not a slight or attack

JG

September 16th, 2009
9:53 am

For me sex doesn’t seal the deal, for me it’s communication, how easy it is to say how good things are as well as being able to talk about concerns. That and how easy it is for a woman to be herself. If she’s corny she’s corny, but she knows it and is cool with it. That’s very sexy to me and seals the deal.
I think sex can make you miss out on important things and put your values down for a minute. Eventually what matters most will come back up that’s when issues start and it seems like the relationship is going in different directions.
Over the years I’ve learned that friendship is the most important things when it comes to dealing with women. The biggest reason is because we don’t think alike but if you are able to express yourself and she is able to express herself it’s easier to agree to disagree or change views.
The deal sealer for me is comfortability how comfortable she is with me and vice versa, that and just being able to flow between settings and not take life so seriously.:-)

Dan

September 16th, 2009
9:54 am

@dw

So we agreeing that it isn’t the most important thing. (and kudos to you for never having bad sex) I guess we differ in opinion in that as well. The “vagina being vagina” ain’t really my steeze, bruh.

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 16th, 2009
9:55 am

Now that is interesting dw because I have heard many guys say that all not vagina is created equal. You are the first I have read to say they are.

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
9:55 am

Well, boom-shocka-locka first thing on a Wednesday morning. You are bringing the fire this week, WiseD.

Sexually compatibility is a key ingredient.

You can bake a cake without a rising agent and it will still resemble a dessert. It will be sweet and you can even add frosting and still be able to eat it. But it will not be a good cake.

You can have a relationship without good sex and it will resemble a relationship. You can share a household, bills and a last name. But it will probably not be a good relationship.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
9:55 am

Guys are constantly trying to get into my pants and are hoping for it to happen as quickly as possible. It’s a constant battle to shift their focus<—— and becomes tiring too

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
10:02 am

And of course, there is more to it than my rather elementary breakdown, but I’m just going on basics.

FOR ME, sexually compatibility is important and COULD seal the deal if other key relationship elements exist.

But as much as I enjoy great relations, I would not marry simply because of it. If that were the case, I would be Mrs. SomebodyElse’sLastName. ALREADY!

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:04 am

Good Morning All :)

I personally (as a woman) would rather a guy that stimulates me emotionally and mentally as opposed to physically. I think women (or maybe its just me) can go without having sex for long amounts of time with a person and be genuinely content in just that person’s company alone. I think sex is overrated… hell its 85% mental IMO…… I couldn’t see myself marrying a guy for the sex alone lmao!!! thats just plain comical….

I’m not a man so i can’t speak from a man’s perspective, but I know of some men that would rather have a girl that is grade 10 in the bedroom (but lacks other components) than a girl that has all the components (but lacks in the bedroom).

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
10:08 am

Well, dernit, why do ya’ haveta settle? Why not hold out for the total package? Total packages do exist, ya know.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
10:09 am

Please understand that having that “mind blowing” sex could eventually lead to her becoming a mother.

DW you bring about a good point here. Having sex could lead to pregnancy. If sex is the most important thing to a man in a relationship what happens when he can’t get sex and possibly because of a pregnancy in progress. How does he cope when it is not available? Does he desert his wife and relationship during a temporary set back to have that one thing that he feels is most important?

Who was it that said on here that he does not even allow his woman a break if the mood hits him during her period? Not even time off to let nature take it’s course.

dw

September 16th, 2009
10:10 am

@Kym and Dan–I contend that it’s how you felt about the person before the sex that determines whether you consider it good or not, from a male perspective that is. If you were already amped up about getting with her and you had already decided that you like her like that, when you have sex you would automatically consider it to be good. On the other hand if you were indifferent about her from the jump then you’re gonna feel indifferent about her after sex. Sex doesn’t change things as much for men in a relationship, unless they aren’t getting any and they feel like the relationship needs to be moved to that level.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
10:11 am

Sex is the epitome of love for a lot of men.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
10:14 am

If you were already amped up about getting with her and you had already decided that you like her like that, when you have sex you would automatically consider it to be good.

I don’t agree with that 100% because I think that’s when the divide of sex versus intimacy takes place. The physical act of sex can be satisfying and you not feel anything for the person. But intimacy is all emotions and based on your feelings for the one you are bonding with. Just sex versus Making Love. It’s all in the mindset.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
10:16 am

When you can feel secure in the fact that your mate will always be there for you, that’s better than any sex you could ever have.

It’s nice to have a man say, and understand this.

I’ve never been one for casual sex and guys will try to “convince” me by promising pleasure. Uh, I don’t know you like that so really there is only so far I’ll go up the mountaintop.

But some of em have died trying. :lol:

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
10:18 am

Guess I’m a different kinda chick.

I have dated a guy in the past that I was really, really digging. But then when the sex came, I was like “Whatdahell?” (And it was not a ’size’ issue.)

He was perfect on paper. Tall, 6′7″, handsome, great physical condition, owned a successful business, kid-lite (only had one kid), no baby momma drama, generous, funny, intelligent, ambitious, laid back….and I could go on.

But sexually, NO CHEMISTRY. NO CONNECTION. And in the end, it was a NO GO.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
10:21 am

@dw

I disagree entirely.

My feeling about the woman can be enhanced after sex, and they can be lessened.

As I stated, (personally) there is no connection stronger than that during sex. The rhythm, the timing, the looks, the feel – all that is a part of the “emotional connection” for me. Because if we can’t connect in (for me) the most intimate of moments, then all else is lost.

If I get the sense that I’m not getting all of her then; I don’t want the rest after.

@Raqi

Most emotionally mature men know the difference between sex and love.

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 16th, 2009
10:23 am

Raqi,

I had sex during my pregnancy..matter of fact he couldn’t keep up my drive during the pregnancy.
@dv I have had great sex with a guy I knew was a loser..but the sex was wonderful and I have had sex that was mediocre with a guy I thought was great. (there’s 10 mins of my life I will never get back)

dw

September 16th, 2009
10:27 am

@Dan–I respect your opinion, but I personally feel like any enhanced feelings as a result of sex are superficial. What you said to Raqi, is what I’m saying, making a committment to marry someone should not be based on sex but on love.
Tell a woman you love her right after sex, and see if she believes you, even if you mean it from the bottom of your heart it’s still taboo to do that.
@Raqi–I see the point that you’re making and I think we’re on the same page, but on different paragraphs.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
10:30 am

I had sex during my pregnancy..matter of fact he couldn’t keep up my drive during the pregnancy.

Kym so did I but that is not the case for some. One of my friends was placed on bed rest and could not engage in intercourse for the last 2 months of her pregnanct. And then there is the 6 weeks that follows giving birth that every women is advised not to engage.

For a man that feels that sex is the most important thing in his relationship having to go 3 months or just those 6 weeks can create a bad situation.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
10:32 am

One of my friends was placed on bed rest and could not engage in intercourse for the last 2 months of her pregnanct. And then there is the 6 weeks that follows giving birth that every women is advised not to engage.<–Wasn't JACK wrong with her mouth..

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
10:34 am

Sex is VERY important to me..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:36 am

@ SexyCool

You have to help me understand that one….. Was there an chemistry outside of the bedroom… I mean did you like him alot… but just couldn’t go on with the relationship b/c the sex wasn’t good?? Couldn’t you have taught him your lkes/dislikes?? just curious

but I personally feel like any enhanced feelings as a result of sex are superficial.

I agree and disagree with you at the same time… :)

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:38 am

As I stated, (personally) there is no connection stronger than that during sex.

Wow!…. are you for real???

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
10:40 am

Dan

September 16th, 2009
10:42 am

@dw

Respectfully, that’s what sex is. The expression of whatever emotion you’re feeling for one another (and sometimes it’s a pressure release valve, but let’s stick to the former).

If I’m vibing with a woman, and the time comes and the vibe changes during sex, I’m put off. If she’s open and honest outside the bedroom, but restrained during sex – something doesn’t add up.

I dig what you’re saying, we disagree on methodologies.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
10:42 am

Dream- You really think you can teach a grown man how to have sex? Oral sex maybe, but intercourse?? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
10:44 am

DAn- If she’s open and honest outside the bedroom, but restrained during sex – something doesn’t add up. <– Please explain.. What are you trying to add up?

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
10:45 am

Dream’n – There was major chemistry outside of the bedroom. We were actually an ideal match in every other way.

As far as teaching him, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing and what he was doing was not working for me.

As he was in his late-30’s, who was I to attempt to ‘correct’ his ways? You can’t teach a grown man nothing he don’t wanna learn.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
10:45 am

@Raqi–I see the point that you’re making and I think we’re on the same page, but on different paragraphs.

I thought the same thing when I read:

What she said “It’s all in the mindset”
versus
What he said ” it’s how you felt about the person before the sex”

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
10:50 am

Man please… Yeah I wanna be friends with my mate but I want her to have some bomb a$$ coochie.. Sex and friendship is equally important to me cause if you got some lame poon tang Im gonna cheat. I have needs… I need us to be there mentally and physically..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:52 am

I absolutely do (and have done)…. Unfortunately when you decide its the right time to have sex with someone… you don’t know what you’re going to expect. Ttalking about it and the actual act is 2 different things… Damn here i go getting a tad bit too personal, but oh well lmao!!! When i first had “sex” with my current, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He did some things that i questiones, and kinda had that rabbit effect going on.. I had to tell him what i liked didn’t like.. do that.. try this.. slow down.. speed up.. all that. Was it tiring hell yeah!!!! But (at the time) i loved him and was not going to let “sex” hinder us from being together.

Now if he’s not willing to listen to your needs and wants in the bedroom… then that’s another topic i gess…

Dan

September 16th, 2009
10:54 am

@Lioness

Just like being drunk doesn’t make you say or do something abnormal for your personality (on the thought that the alcohol releases the inner azzhole); a person is never more who they are than during sex (IMO).

The emotionally open and honest person outside the bedroom isn’t the physically and emotionally cold person inside (or vice versa).

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
10:57 am

@ Dan… Maybe its me… i’m still trying to grasp your opinion.. another analogy please

dw

September 16th, 2009
10:57 am

@Dan–Yeah, I just think we have to agree to disagree on this one.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:00 am

You really think you can teach a grown man how to have sex

Yes, you can. You can teach him how you want and need it.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:01 am

I thought the same thing when I read

Ms.Main and DW you all may be correct. I have a slight headache and reading while trying to do something else here at work.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
11:03 am

Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex? I couldn’t do that. Once you get out of bed or off the floor or off the washing machine, what do the two of you do and talk about about if sex is the only connection?

Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad? Does love have to seal the deal for you to marry? Yes, love is the glue that helps cement the relationship (along with other components). If you’re mediocre perhaps we both can go to “school” and teach each other ways to enhance our lovemaking. If it’s downright bad, then love won’t even show its head! So, no need to think about marriage.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:04 am

Ok can we clarify that the person we are sexing is not a jump off and a prospect. I would think anyone after 30 would have the perspective that the connection is what matters the most.. Because when that connection is there the sex will be better.. Normally.. But some people are just sorry in the sack.. Ordinary missionary sex will get you put out. I like to be adventurous and explore the possibilities.. I like a girl that Ceelo Green was talking about.. “Is willing to pull over and freak something in the car..” The beauty is that only her and I know how far the boundaries go, cause the general public would never believe that she was a monster in the sack..

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:07 am

Dan- I don’t get you.. So, if I am very open about how I feel about the relationship & you, I would like to have my hair pulled & spanked in the bedroom???

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:07 am

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:08 am

@Dream_n

It boils down to “who’s the real person?” Is she (he for the ladies) the confident, intelligent woman that exists before sex, or she the “turn the light off, don’t look at me” woman in the bedroom.

Which person am I dealing with?

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:08 am

Ok here it goes.. What I want.. Is…

A Homie Lover Friend.. OHHHHHH!!!

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:09 am

@Infamous–That’s that ride or die loyalty that I’m talking about. When you know they will ride into hell with you and back, then those instances of pulling over in the car and freaking something will occur more often than you can imagine. But when there is no connection other than sex they aren’t willing to take those kinds of chances with you. Handle the rest and the sex will take care of itself.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:10 am

I COULD NOT marry a person that couldn’t sex me properly!!!

Dan- I don’t get you.. So, if I am very open about how I feel about the relationship & you, I would like to have my hair pulled & spanked in the bedroom???

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:11 am

@Lioness

No. That’s an exaggeration.

If you’re open and honest outside the bedroom, then you’re able to express the yourself inside the bedroom. Put it on me to communicate (in both places) openly and honestly.

@Dk

Yeah, we’re (at least I am) talking about a potential SO.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:11 am

That’s that ride or die loyalty that I’m talking about. When you know they will ride into hell with you and back, then those instances of pulling over in the car and freaking something will occur more often than you can imagine. But when there is no connection other than sex they aren’t willing to take those kinds of chances with you. Handle the rest and the sex will take care of itself.

This post should be bronzed.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:12 am

Dan- she the “turn the light off, don’t look at me” woman in the bedroom.<– Some ppl have issues with their body.. Doesn't mean who they project they are with their clothes on is a lie..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:12 am

THE INFAMOUS DK

co-signing your post…..

that post is the reason why i differ with Dan’s statement:
“a person is never more who they are than during sex (IMO)”

Totally untrue (IMO)… like some men say.. we want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed… I think if you truly love and want to please a person “in bed” you may be willing to do or say things you wouldn’t normally do or say… Just b/c I may be spontaneous and give oral to my husband while he’s driving (just an example).. doesn’t mea that’s the real me and what i’m about.. It’s just that i love my husband and i want to please him in any way possible… with the exception of gay sex: ie: anal.. lmao!!!! but that’s another topic also :)

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:16 am

A person on bed rest could still have oral sex.. No??

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

@ Lioness-

lmao!!!

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

@Dream_n

But the oral in the car is an extension of “baby let me make your favorite meal” or having it made.

In both instances, it’s how far (much) you’re willing to go (do) for someone you care about.

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:17 am

Thanks @ARed

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:18 am

doesn’t mea that’s the real me and what i’m about

Statements like these always confuse me. We are what we do. If that’s what you are doing that’s who you are.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:20 am

Lioness, No.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

DW – These days you better know the chick your doing the grown up with.. I guess with me its understood if Im bumpin uglies with a babe I have to like her and feel that connection. I know for a fact I can get sex when i cant eat so thats no big deal, but weaving a tapestry with a babe and combining the mental with the physical is of utmost importance.. I have to have both.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

@Lioness ~ depends on what they’re on bed rest for. You don’t want to bust open any stitches should there be some. And, you don’t want to send them home from bed rest back to the hospital…too funny!

@InfamousD ~ you’re on point with that post!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:21 am

that post is the reason why i differ with Dan’s statement:

I think it’s safe to say no one is on Dan’s page today in terms of his philosophies. Can we just accept it an move on. That dead horse is starting to smell. :lol:

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:24 am

Ared- That dead horse is starting to smell<– I AM GOING TO HURT YOU!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:25 am

@ Raqi

You have to go back and read Dan’s statement to understand.. or read the entire paragraph as a whole and not pick out 1 sentence.

What I was trying to convey to Dan was in response to his statement saying that people are more of who they are while having sex.

I was disagreeing b/c…. You may have a strong confident woman at her job.. who you would think in the bed room would take charge be the dominator, but soon realize that she isn’t. You can’t determine one’s true character by having sex with them.

abc

September 16th, 2009
11:25 am

‘Compatibility’ is the keyword. It doesn’t have to be all kind of this or that, it just has to be compatible. Whereas sexual compatibility is critically important — as they say, the 2 things that will screw up any relationship are sex and money — compatibility of all kinds is just as critically important. A good match is just that: a good match, as in compatible.

I wouldn’t say men value sex over friendship. If you’re not best friends with your romantic interest, find a different romantic interest, because you’re missing the biggest piece of the puzzle. That doesn’t mean sex is unimportant, or can be done without altogether — although, at the same time, you know you’re (hopefully, if you’re lucky) going to grow quite old together, and things like sex will be history, at some point. Then what? No more love, no more romance?

Page1908

September 16th, 2009
11:26 am

LOL @ everyone! Do any of you actually think (or admit) that that you could be the one who is lacking in the bedroom? of course not. *shrugs*.

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
11:26 am

Raqi – I was going to make a similar statement. If it’s not you doing it, who is it?

All of my actions are who I am. I own all of me. Even when I’m screwing up, making bad decisions, my slip is showing, acting up, acting ugly, making bad jokes, whatever. It’s ALL ME. I own it as much as I do any of my momentary flashes of brilliance, greatness, humanity and all.

I think many of us can get hung up in not wanting to appear too much of a freak or too loose. As a rule, we shouldn’t want to appear that way to the general public. However, if I can’t get loose with my significant other, then dernit, when can I get loose?

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting loose in the proper place at the proper time.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:27 am

I mean come on, if someone is holding back in their relationship, wheter it’s physically, emotionally etc, it’s just a sign that the person is not completely comfortable with you yet to let all the walls down. For men, it takes longer to get to the emotional core, for women it’s usually a physical one.

Either you’re willing to stick it out or you’re not. It isn’t rocket science.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:27 am

@ AmazonRed™

okay.. what would you like to converse about :)

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

ABC – Im gonna wanna be a dirty old man with my wife.. You know the old couple that cant keep their hands off each other.. Always out dancing, travelling and into something.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

Do any of you actually think (or admit) that that you could be the one who is lacking in the bedroom?

Page – I am a big lame in the bedroom. But they keep coming back for some reason. :lol:

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:28 am

@Raqi (11:18)

exactly

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:29 am

These days you better know the chick your doing the grown up with.. I guess with me its understood if Im bumpin uglies with a babe I have to like her and feel that connection. I know for a fact I can get sex when i cant eat so thats no big deal, but weaving a tapestry with a babe and combining the mental with the physical is of utmost importance.. I have to have both.

Amen brother….I have no problem taking things to any level you want to try or venture but I seriously can’t go there nor open up those facts and let the love seriously shine through unless we are there, on the same page and moving in the same direction. I know we hear all the time that women think too much of the kitty but I cannot give myself wholly nor go there unless we sync. I feel it teeters on “random” sex without a connection and that’s a no go for me.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:30 am

I meant “facets” not “facts”

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:30 am

DK- ME TOO!!!!!!!! :razz:

Whitney didn’t admit that she smoked crack???

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
11:31 am

Let Dan pontificate to his heart’s desire.

What is this forum for but to debate?

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:31 am

Leggs I am a more on the terms of when you are sick and threatening a miscarriage and placed on bed rest. Honestly I would feel repulsed if I am pregnant and sick to the point of having to stay in bed and my husband can’t manage during that temporary setback. I would rather he cheat on me than to demean me, his sick wife, by asking me to perform oral sex on him.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

I know we hear all the time that women think too much of the kitty but I cannot give myself wholly nor go there unless we sync. I feel it teeters on “random” sex without a connection and that’s a no go for me.

Couldn’t have said it better myself..

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

okay.. what would you like to converse about

Anything but that poor dead horse. :lol:

dw

September 16th, 2009
11:32 am

I’m with you on that DK!

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:33 am

If you’re not best friends with your romantic interest, find a different romantic interest, because you’re missing the biggest piece of the puzzle.

Another good one!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:33 am

Let Dan pontificate to his heart’s desire.

What is this forum for but to debate?

:lol:

SexyCool, I’m just contributing in my own way. :lol:

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
11:34 am

I’m proud of Whitney…I hope she stays grounded and never look back.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:34 am

How long do you think it takes a couple to become best friends?

Page1908

September 16th, 2009
11:35 am

LOL ARed- You know they will no matter what!

lol @ pontificate.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:39 am

SEXY COOL – I dont care if people think Im loose.. ;-) They just better not be trying to use me for my doggy style.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:39 am

LOL ARed- You know they will no matter what!

Page – Seriously, I do not care if a guy I’m dating thinks I’m going to be lame in bed. I’m trying to keep the focus off the sex.

But then it’s taken as a challenge to turn me out. :lol:

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:39 am

you know you’re (hopefully, if you’re lucky) going to grow quite old together, and things like sex will be history, at some point

abc I talked about that a few weeks ago. Some people don’t realize that life will happen. Erectile Dysfunction and Menopause that causes dryness for many happens. It’s called life. We get old. Stuff stops working. People better start looking at that person lying next to them and ask themselves when life happens then what.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
11:44 am

Raqi- Very ture!! Not many ppl who view things logically

Dan

September 16th, 2009
11:45 am

@SC

Thanks for that.
But I’mma say what I want to anyway.

@Raqi

It’s wednesday, I gotta enough to do to get thru the week without discussions of menopause, dryness, or ED….can we table that discussion for another day? Pleeeaaase

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:49 am

SexyCool Exactly. You cannot separate a person from their actions.

Well unless they are having some sort of out of body experiences or have a multiple personality disorder. But yeah I agree with you.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:51 am

Raqi – I’ve got the ED thing covered.. Im gonna have me a penile implant put in so I can just walk around with a erection all the time.. You know like a real dirty old man..

If it was left up to me I would go in the middle of some wild sex..

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:51 am

I’m a firm believer in “Reading is Fundamental” :)
any who..

@ Lioness: I don’t think there is a time limit..

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:52 am

I wonder what my grandparents sex life is like. They are in their 80s. Wonder if it’s riddled with erectile disfunction and vaginal dryness.

They seem happy though.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
11:53 am

Raqi – Thus effectively sealing the deal permanently..

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:53 am

I knew a guy named “E.D.,” that’s gotta suck.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:54 am

I travelled with my mom and some of her friends once. It was like the menopausal tour. They kept the temperture on “artic” the whole time.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
11:54 am

@Raqi ~ your bed rest example reeks of disrespect, being selfish and as you stated, demeaning!

Compatibility should start way before dancing between the sheets. But, some just don’t care and merely want to knock boots then ride off into the sunset ALONE!

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
11:56 am

menopausal: when do women normal reach that era of their life???

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
11:57 am

Amazon why wouldn’t they be happy. At that age and having a partner that has been there for a great part of your life, happiness is just being together. When the sex is gone you better have something else working for you. Companionship.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:58 am

The thought of sex with Flavor Flav definitely causes vaginal dryness.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
11:58 am

At that age and having a partner that has been there for a great part of your life, happiness is just being together. When the sex is gone you better have something else working for you. Companionship.

I know this Raqi.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
12:03 pm

LOL Infamous. Yeah my husband asked me what am I going to do when he starts needing that little blue pill. I told him I hope Costco starts selling it in bulk and I’ll gladly pick it up when I do my monthly shopping.

Him getting to the point of needing that little pill does not scare me. And when it stops working all together and I am dry as the desert we’ll just sit on the porch of our retirement house holding hands keeping each other company.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
12:06 pm

Dream menopause happens at different times for different women. Some start as early as 40 and some don’t start until they hit 60ish.

abc

September 16th, 2009
12:10 pm

DK, me three on that sentiment.

Menopause usually happens somewhere around ages 45-55.

ED is most often a side effect of some other problem, like high blood pressure, cholesterol, some other things that can be managed; and some other things that can’t be managed. It could happen. I suppose it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it might feel like it was. If it happens to me, I’ll go on the boner pills, no problem.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
12:11 pm

It’s gotta suck when the vaginal dryness happens years before the erectile dysfunction, or vice versa. But yes, it’s good know that one has so much else in their relationship to sustain them.

Dorothy: “Ma, why are you so cranky?!”

Sophia: “Sorry Dorothy, I just realized I haven’t had sex in 23 years and it’s starting to bug me.”

Classic Golden Girls. :lol:

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
12:14 pm

:lol: @ the boner pills.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
12:17 pm

suppose it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it might feel like it was

Testosterone must be one helluva drug. I know guys who won’t even neuter their pets. :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
12:20 pm

<Ichael Jackson said:

So Listen To My Heart
Lay Your Body Close To Mine
Let Me Fill You With My Dreams
I Can Make You Feel Alright
And Baby Through The Years
Gonna Love You More Each Day
So I Promise You Tonight
That You'll Always Be The Lady In My Life

And I Will Keep You Warm
Through The Shadows Of The Night
Let Me Touch You With My Love
I Can Make You Feel So Right
And Baby Through The Years
Even When We're Old And Gray
I Will Love You More Each Day
'Cause You Will Always Be The Lady In My Life

Thats what Im talkinbout..

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
12:20 pm

I wonder what my grandparents sex life is like. They are in their 80s. Wonder if it’s riddled with erectile disfunction and vaginal dryness.

Probably little to nil….before dad died (being around that age), it was nil and had been for sometime I believe. The fact that he needed a medical bed and they both seemed as happy as a lark with the arrangement of sleeping separately was indicative that their relationship had grown over the years, past the physical aspect of it and was settling into companiondom (is that a word). It was cute too, they’d say things like you better hurry your show is coming on (if she was taking 30 minutes in the bathroom) or I’m not going to eat until they bring your tray as well or can you spread my blanket over me or ahhh shucks those shoes (albeit orthopedic) looks good on you gul or come on roll you wheel chair up front with me….yeah, at that point, who needs sex.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
12:23 pm

ARED – I wont neuter my Dog..

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
12:26 pm

I neutered my dog & I must say, I DO miss his pretty balls :???:

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
12:27 pm

Lioness – I think thats cruel and unusual punishment.. That poor Dog aint a dog no more.. Im sure he’s a shell of his former self..

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
12:32 pm

It’s gotta suck when the vaginal dryness happens years before the erectile dysfunction, or vice versa

That’s why they sell products to help in those areas. If you ain’t got a problem bringing sex toys into your bedroom why in the heck would you have a problem with using the pills or gel.

I hear some ladies say they cannot get with a man that is needing a little help getting there yet they stick a rubber vibrating shlong up their canal.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
12:43 pm

Get it up, get ready for a real good time. I’m gonna try to blow your mind.
Can’t you see? You and me. It sounds so nasty.

Get it up, let your hair hang down. We could fool around.
Don’t you know? I want you so. Make me happy.

Get it up, there’s nothin’ wrong. We’re freakin’ all night long.
Me and you. We need a groove. It feels good, do it.

Get it up, leave your cares behind. Let me try to find.
Find the spot. That gets you hot. Let me do ya.

What time is it?

Get it up, get ready for a real good time. I’m gonna try to blow your mind.
Can’t you see? You and me. It sounds so nasty.

Get it up, let your body drip. Let me take you on a trip.
Can’t you see? You’re killin’ me. You’re so freaky.

Get it up. Get it up. I’ll work you all night.

Get it up. Get it up. All night.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
12:49 pm

Sex is VERY important to me.. LIONESS

is that all LIONESS???????????????

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
12:50 pm

DK- King(My dog) is still that DUDE!!! They told me neutering his monkey azz was going to calm him down.. WTF EVER!!!!

Melo- That is not all MELO!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

M'...Phine, DIVINE and 49!!!

September 16th, 2009
12:51 pm

While sex, especially good sex, is a vital part of any healthy and stable relationship…in the early stages of becoming more familiar with another person of interest it can get in the way…it can preclude, cloud or distract attention from areas that may need to also be objectively evaluated, etc…I think that was we MATURE (not get older agewise) in our lifespan, we also begin to realize the how’s and why’s of sex as a distraction in our pursuit of relationships…and then it is up to us to choose what is and ain’t the issue and point of distraction.

And as far as men having less value for a friendship over a sexual relationship…Dan is correct…it is more probable that they will value the sex…not always, but more often than not…how many times have I stated on this very blog that I have some of the most phenomenal platonic friendships with my heterosexual male buds…only to have a brother in this very forum call me out(and my friends) by telling me that I need to be looking for the hidden switch in my boy’s swagger…that if he is accepting only a platonic friendship then his agenda must have a hidden DL factor in the mix????…uh-huh.

Does it make a difference…well, the hole last longer than the pole…hehehe…believe it.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
12:53 pm

That poor Dog aint a dog no more.. Im sure he’s a shell of his former self

Infamous that’s how I felt about a man that used to work here. He wife would emasculate him and wear his ballz around her neck. Everything he did she criticized and would come up here and talk down to him and we could hear it outside of his door.

He served 18 months for domestic violence and battery. He hauled off and punched her in the mouth one night during an argument. He came up here one day to get his personal items after he got out. He said those 18 months were worth every day served not having to deal with her again. LOL I guess he felt liberated after socking it to her.

THE INFAMOUS DK

September 16th, 2009
12:57 pm

Raqi – He hauled off and punched her in the mouth one night during an argument..

I aint saying its right but I can understand…

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
12:59 pm

WOW, they kept his personal items for 18 months. That was nice of them. Too bad he couldn’t find another way to shut her up w/o punching her in the mouth.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
1:01 pm

I don’t know if any of you men folk or women has ever experienced this, being made so mad or turned off that your PC muscles will not allow him entry.

That’s some crazy involuntary reaction right there. But it’s real. LOL I know.

mytw♥cents

September 16th, 2009
1:02 pm

Marry for Great Sex? HELL No! I don’t even understand those who keep half azzed boyfriends around allegedly on this basis. I don’t even understand how it can be “great” if everything else is the pits. I’m just wired like that.

Marry when the Sex is Mediocre? Doubt it cuz I’m wondering why it’d stay that way after the initial forays. Work on learning her mental and you should easily be able to work her physical. Mind. Then body. I’m just in tuned like that.

Must love seal the deal? Absolutely. I’m just rational like that.

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
1:06 pm

Raqi- Dude should have just left her! Point Blank Period!
Frigging idiot! Womp

Melo

September 16th, 2009
1:06 pm

Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women?
No, we value the same things,friendship and sexx,men express themselves differently.

What if a guy is looking for a committed relationship, does that make a difference?

what makes a difference..sexx??
I wldnt marry a woman unless we were compatible in the bedroom..whaaat,we spend five,six to eight hrs of the day sleeping and u think i wld overlook that much time just coz she can clean,cook and is a potential good mum..hell naw….
In the dating phase,she could be good in all other departments but if i like her that much i will put her on the sexx crash course..the one i desgned and if she fails that one….I show her the door.
Compatibility for me is everything…everything..if she feeling horny and we bout to go to church,she must be free to say,”baby,one more be4 we go”" The kids can wait downstairs!
If we dont have that kind of compatibility,then we not friends…..i dont se us jellying on any other issue BUT sexx.
Nada!

Lioness-

September 16th, 2009
1:12 pm

Melo- I agree!!

M'...celebrant of her 50th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
1:16 pm

Great sex is just that great sex…and if that is all that is on the table…then fine…have that and let it be…I remember once when I was about 20 or so, a mother of a school friend told me that her fear about her daughter’s then pending marriage was that the daughter was caught up in the great sex she had with old dude…and her mother told me then (and it still rings true today) that a good piece of arse does not make a good marriage…hence, the divorce a few years later for my girl…let’s not get life and bull manure confused…hehehe

Angie

September 16th, 2009
1:26 pm

congratulations to LUKE & TALI! was rootin’ for ya since day one. *sniff* you guys make a beautiful couple. good luck!!!

Melo

September 16th, 2009
1:35 pm

M and all u lookers..u need both, a good friendship plus great sexx…

Looking back, i think sexx was a huge reason for the demise of my first marriage….

She was good woman,thru and thru..but not compatible with me sexually.Kinda like tight legged with it…
I was a gunslinger! :lol:
Consequently, i spent more and more time,outside of the home and away from her..ended up looking at other phine body endowmnets..u know the body swerving, tight booty mamas out there…. :lol:
The rest is Queen! :lol:

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
1:43 pm

when the sex is gone?

Man shiiiiiiiiiiiiddddd they got viagra, pumps and lube. The sex aint NEVAH gonna be gone. NEVAH.

that said, friendship is important lol

M'...celebrant of her 50th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
1:45 pm

@melo

What…you think that you need to tell me what I have known for like…a long time????…uh-huh…seems to me that you are the johnny-come-lately about the reality of the two being necessary…uh, I have never confused great sex with the potential for a good relationship…and I have never committed to a relationship b/c the sex was great…otherwise, I would be another Elizabeth Taylor in the relationship department…hehehe

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
1:48 pm

m’ you 500?

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
1:52 pm

@M’, please give me some of what you’re drinking. By George, I think you’ve found the fountain of youth!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
1:55 pm

The fact that he needed a medical bed and they both seemed as happy as a lark with the arrangement of sleeping separately was indicative that their relationship had grown over the years, past the physical aspect of it and was settling into companiondom (is that a word).

Ms Main. I’m sure.

We were staying in a hotel once and I want into their room and there was two separate beds. I told my grandmother I would call the front desk and correct the mistake. My grandmother stopped me and told me she requested two and said “Amazon, I’ve been sleeping with that man for 62 years, I have earned a few nights off!” :lol:

My granddad is still a little frisky. I don’t know what he does, but it’s something. :lol:

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
1:57 pm

@

Lioness

That is a great question you asked about how long to become best friends. My friend HR has been dealing with this girl for 2 years and they have yet to “seal the deal” just a whole bunch of foreplay etc but no concrete deal. My question for the blog is could anyone here handle that situation with someone holding out for this vast amount of time or would you have to take your business elsewhere or @Ladies is there a reason why she may be holding out for that he does not even know about?

@ Guys

Could you just buy a car that you never even sat in?

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:00 pm

@aggwitty…oops….meant to say the 5th decade…but, hell as a tried colored girl…I indeed feel the 500 year burden of my sisters running in my veins…hehehe…thanks!!!!

@Leggs…me be sippin from the Fountain of Truth…uh-huh…got too much gray to waste what I have to say…hit it yedderday sportin’ my denim mini and fishnet leggings…can we say TOO HAWT…hehehe

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 16th, 2009
2:01 pm

Two years and only foreplay..which I guess is what lick no stick. Naw that wouldnt work for me. that is crazy.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:01 pm

DK- King(My dog) is still that DUDE!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:01 pm

M dot, holding out on marriage or the sex?

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:01 pm

but it’s something

VIAGRA :lol:

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
2:02 pm

M’ no problem. I was over here like we got Cleopatra on the blog today? holla!

Mdot – in a word..2 years, NO. but i dont judge those that do, just couldnt be me.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
2:04 pm

@M(dot)

2 years?? 2 Years!!! 2 years??

As in 2 whole years (24+ months)

One of ‘em gay and/or fuggin someone else.

2 years, really? not a whiff uh it? Really???!!??

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:05 pm

My friend HR has been dealing with this girl for 2 years and they have yet to “seal the deal” just a whole bunch of foreplay

Is HR and the lady “true” born again christians or are they 19?????

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:05 pm

She could be celibate.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:06 pm

My question for the blog is could anyone here handle that situation with someone holding out for this vast amount of time

M’ – I could. As long as I know it’s gonna happen I could wait.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:08 pm

I don’t know if this is the case but folks need to stop entering into relationships with people that tell them up front that they want to wait until marriage or that they are celibate and thinking they will get them to change their minds.

You only get disappointed and frustrated trying. Some people are true to their beliefs.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:10 pm

M dot I would suppose that she told him up front that she was holding on to it, otherwise why would he allow two years to pass and not have a conversation with her about it.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
2:13 pm

@Dan

Yup 24 months. She is a lawyer and is 29, and has been involved with other men before but for some reason she making my friend wait and holding out….I just would rather her not do anything than tease me and leave me hanging!

I dont know how he does it. I honestly believe it may be an deep issue involved and she not telling him

Also he SAYS he never cheated on her but I dont believe that unless her name is Karrine Stephans…

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:14 pm

@aggywitty…that is all good sug…hehehe…my and Cleo is cut buddies…lol

Dan

September 16th, 2009
2:14 pm

Belief, smelief

2 years and foreplay, something(s) done went somewhere. That ain’t no “belief”.

Don’t remember nowhere in the Bible that says “..do everything but,…”

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
2:15 pm

My granddad is still a little frisky. I don’t know what he does, but it’s something.

These dudes have nothing to worry about. Whatever you are in youth just transends over time…you may not be able to get it up but at least you’ll be there in spirit.

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
2:15 pm

I have entered into smash outs/jump offs with broads who claimed celibate or devoutly christian and you can see by the title I gave them, they were decidely not.

Dudes enter into these situations because there is a 80% chance or higher that she will eventually let them enter

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
2:16 pm

@Dan

I agree its either all or nothing.

@ Raqi…Sealed

I agree with you but then she should not have done ANYTHING correct?

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:16 pm

Off Topic

Has anyone been to see the “America I AM” exhibit at the Civic Center????…they have extended it until 9/27…tix are $10 @ Wally World…great little piece of collective memorabilia history.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
2:17 pm

holding out? mind over matter

Dan

September 16th, 2009
2:17 pm

@M(dot)

Does he have a tattoo that says “break in case of emergency”?

2 years is killin me slowly…

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:19 pm

Has anyone been to see the “America I AM” exhibit at the Civic Center????…

M’- I went openining weekend. Glad I did. No crowds. Glad it got extended. I’d go again and recommend.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:21 pm

She is a lawyer and is 29, and has been involved with other men before but

no woman can do that as long as they have had it good be4…shes proly rehabing from a previous bad relationship…and stringing him along in punishment.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:21 pm

holding out? mind over matter

You know some men are neanderthals. :lol:

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
2:22 pm

Afternoon folks!

Late chiming in as usual this week.

M. I think I could hold out for 2 years, I’ve never been in a relationship that long, but in my longest relationship (364 days) there was no sex (no oral either) due to celibacy, but my guy knew. If they’ve gone 2 years and she hasn’t told him why – I’m surprised he hasn’t asked.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 16th, 2009
2:22 pm

Hello All from the Armpit of Yankee land, southeast Ohio.

“Is it difficult to get each other to focus on our “emotional connection with someone without letting the sex cloud our judgment?” Yup. Once sex enters the picture, it ALWAYS changes the focus of the relationship.

“Do you think that men value sex over friendship more than women?” Not me. It is important, but not as important as friendship. (let me count those t-shirts)

“What if a guy is looking for a committed relationship, does that make a difference?” I am. As stated in recent days, there are women too who just want a sex partner. It can make a difference to those women (another t-shirt or two, three, four…)

“Ladies, do you think you would marry someone just because of the great sex?” I do not think this is a good idea. Often the sexual atttraction “waxes and wains”. If it is the glue that holds the relationship together, then it might have trouble enduring the dry spells.

“Would you marry someone if it was mediocre or bad?” Is sex ever mediocre or bad? I read somewhere once that there are no frigid women, just clumsy men. Sex can almost always be made fun and interesting if the partners are flexible.

“Does love have to seal the deal for you to marry?” Absolutely, one can buy sex, hire a maid or a cook, but emotional attachment has to come from within.

“Men, what seals the deal for you when you feel like you’ve met Ms. Right?” Pillow talk…is the lady as interesting and entertaining after the “deed” as before. When I was in the 4th or 5th grade, I became fascinated by “1001 Arabian Nights” (Alladin and the Magic Lamp, etc.) The storyteller, Scheherazade, was a slave girl who kept from being executed by the Persian King by telling him incredible stories every night for 1001 nights. I want a “Scheherazade”,someone who keeps me always interested. IMHO

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
2:22 pm

M(DOT)- Maybe she knows your homie ain’t working with a whole lot so she prefers to stay with the foreplay..

Dan

September 16th, 2009
2:23 pm

2 years???

Really?!?!

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:24 pm

@Ared

I want to go again…went last Sunday for my b-day with a friend…and while I appreciated the turn out by the size of the crowd…I would have been able to appreciate it more if I had less congested interaction with ppl trying to view it as well…so I may try to get back before it leaves…like on a Tuesday…hehehe

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
2:25 pm

Also, when they met she was in law school and really focused on finishing her law degree and I understand that and supported her through all of that…

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
2:25 pm

Melo – you make a good point. I wasn’t a virgin when I became celibate, but I will admit that I’d never had it good before. That’s probably why I wasn’t pressed to try again.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:29 pm

In college I had a boyfriend my freshman year, then didn’t have a boyfriend again until my senior year. In between there was no screwing for sport, so yeah, I guess I have held out 2+ years.

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:30 pm

Ohhh…I may be working on gig #2…there is a part time admin support position with a lay firm in Midtown…they want to schedule for an interview in a few weeks…that would be good…I ain’t ready to hit the plantation for 40 hours/week….hehehe…and with the house manager gig…that should be cool.

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:31 pm

held otu for 2 years….hehehe…that is a norm for me…when I went 5 years from ‘91 to ‘96…any time period after that is a piece of cake…and a peace of mind…truly.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
2:31 pm

@Melo

This could be true.

@Tazzee

This could be true also, but I also think he is being a gentleman about it and not wanting to pressure her about it. Maybe let it happen on her timetable. I know he is really glad to be in that power couple thing but also maybe looking forward to marriage?

@Lioness

Who knows. You may be right! In that case, do you think she is getting her needs and demands met elsewhere? lol

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:32 pm

oops…held out

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
2:33 pm

Why is it so much easier for women to go without sex as opposed to men….???

Kym has a Southern Voice

September 16th, 2009
2:34 pm

Speaking of music…@Leggs do you listen to Reba McEntire?

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:37 pm

Tazzee,how far do u go now,with ur fiance..i know u aint having it but do u tease and do pillow sexxaul talk….is ur stimulation all mental and just sweet nothings??

(if i were in that situation with my girl,each time she butt nekked and my johns is starting to start a fracas in ma pants,i kneel down facing the opposite direction and pray..lord jesus gimme strength,lord jesus :lol: )

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:38 pm

and a peace of mind…truly.

M’ – It really is. Of course, it’s hard when you are really into someone you’re builing something with… but in terms of casual sex, it’s easy as pie.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:39 pm

LMAO @ “fracas in my pants.” :lol: :lol: :lol:

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
2:40 pm

@Dream_n

I do not know if it is easier for women to “go without sex”…it is just easier to not need the partner to have a sexual experience…hehehe…something in the physiology of body build and parts…lol

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:40 pm

The longest I went without was 4 years but I was not really dating at the time. The longest I waited in a relationship was 4 months.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:41 pm

Why is it so much easier for women to go without sex as opposed to men….???

Because with most women, it’s more than just a physical need.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
2:43 pm

Afternoon folks!

I’ve heard of folks going without for religious reasons, but they usually get married fairly quickly. M dot, I bet you’ll be hearing of a proposal real soon. The only way I can see that really working out with 2 adults is if they are BOTH committed to waiting until marriage.

Strange that they’ve never discussed the reason why though.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
2:43 pm

Dream- I didn’t know it was :???:

Taz is not having sex til marriage??

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
2:44 pm

@ M’… lol… gotcha!

@ AmazonRed : co-sign

I thik it would turn me on more if a man initiated the “waiting” process b4 having sex…. some guys just act like animals in heat.. uggh!!!

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
2:46 pm

@ Lioness

maybe we hang around different women lol :)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
2:46 pm

It’s easy to go without when you’re not seeing anyone. I’ve gone for 2+ years no problem. It was only when I got interested in someone that that flew out the window.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:47 pm

I thik it would turn me on more if a man initiated the “waiting” process b4 having sex…. some guys just act like animals in heat.. uggh!!!

Dream_n – I’m totally with you. I can never find a guy who wants to wait! :lol:

mytw♥cents

September 16th, 2009
2:50 pm

M. DOT Has he not ASKED? Pressuring ain’t cool, but he has a right to an answer. Also, does he allow her to see how frustrated he is or does he play the role like this here celibacy thang is grrrreat! Now I’m not sayin’ go as far as quoting faux statistics on the adverse effects of blue ballz, ( Won’t fall for that again :oops: ) but has he made his plight to be one with her crystal clear?

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:51 pm

Why is it so much easier for women to say they to go without sex as opposed to men….???

women keep secrets much better and more efficiently than guys do..in that sense they maintain the facade of no sexx much better..man cannot.If they cant really get a decent woman to play with or a cut buddy etc,men will hire a pro.
Besides,man are always the aggressive party…most females cant or wont initiate the contact so that makes it easier for them its custom to lay low and wait for the suitors to come on board…not becoz they want to…but becoz thats how society and them do it…

Consequently,they die slowly…inside….pining for it.
Its not necessarily easier 4 them..dont believe that at all!

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
2:51 pm

that dude initiating celibacy would be a turn on for you chics for approximately 19 minutes. After that you would be on some “girlll he must be gay” or “whats wrong with me”. Fellas, dont fall for it.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:52 pm

but I also think he is being a gentleman about it and not wanting to pressure her about it

But Mdot have they not talked about it. I can’t see just going along with it not knowing why and not asking. Is he getting his needs met from someone else?

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
2:53 pm

OK, I don’t count times without at mate as ‘holding out’. For me, it was easy when there was no one around to push my buttons.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
2:55 pm

agg- I AGREE!!! I don’t like NO man rationing sex to me!

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
2:56 pm

Why is it so much easier for women to say they to go without sex as opposed to men….???

Because that’s way we are wired. It’s the way nature has it.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
2:58 pm

that dude initiating celibacy would be a turn on for you chics for approximately 19 minutes. After that you would be on some “girlll he must be gay” or “whats wrong with me”.

:roll: Don’t speak for me. :arrow:

Melo

September 16th, 2009
2:58 pm

Because that’s way we are wired. It’s the way nature has it

yeah,nature…not that its easier…….it looks like its easier on them.
NOT..
Like the blogger Rell says,they want it as bad as guys!

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
2:59 pm

M(DOT)- Is this the same couple you talked about the other day?

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
2:59 pm

I hope ole girl doesnt have the High Five and just waiting for the right time to tell him. two years down the drain.

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
2:59 pm

Melo – umm, my fiance’ and I have consummated our relationship.

Lioness – yeah, I was waiting until marriage for a long time. Funny thing is – when I decided to stop waiting, it wasn’t because I knew my fiance’ would be end up being my fiance’ – it was because one day I was just tired.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 16th, 2009
2:59 pm

@ Dream n and ARed

I always hear that women can go longer without sex than men, but that sort of flipflops some in the 40’s. The ladies seem to be driven more by their sex drive then. I cannot explain it, but the women I have dated in the last ten years have been hornier than three peckered billy goats. In my last LTR, I told the lady I wanted to wait until I knew I was falling (as I have said many times, sex ALWAYS changes the dynamic of the relationship and often then becomes the focus. Eventually (fairly short period of time…a few weeks maybe) she was the one who wanted to go all the way. Sure enough, sex became the primary focus (and was great) but we sort of stopped just talking as much after sex came into the relationship. Sex is wonderful, but it does cloud the mind and the judgment…at least mine.

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
3:01 pm

tazzee say what say how. lol. bow chicka wow wowwwww

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
3:02 pm

High Five??? I know that’s an STD, but which one?

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:02 pm

You know some men are neanderthals

Because with most women, it’s more than just a physical need.

Agree and Agree….I went about 5 years without sex. I dated and hung out some but that was the extent. For me and going that long, I felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks when I finally got back in the game. Dude was sooo persistant that when I did open up, that thing hit me like a ton of bricks. I was scrambling to not become a victim of falling too fast, too soon, too hard. Had to brace myself. Think mainly or somewhat attributed to being closed off/no happenings for so long.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:03 pm

agg- What is “high five”? :neutral:

Taz- Oh ok ;)

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
3:03 pm

tazzee say what say how. lol. bow chicka wow wowwwww

:lol: :lol:

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
3:03 pm

@ AmazonRed

I’m co-signing you again :)

It’s not about rationing out sex.. it’s about him taking time to get to know you as a person before any thing else happens… a man would ear major points with me on that….

I don’t know waht women oyu’re arond melo.. lol if I want to go “at it”.. no need for beating around the bush… I think we did that when we were younger.. not now!! One would hope!

I can only speak for myself and what I like don’t like.. want or dont want…

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:04 pm

Main- 5 YEARS??? God Bless You sister!!

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:06 pm

Melo – umm, my fiance’ and I have consummated our relationship

can u say that to melo in more understandable lingo…”consummated”??=indulged?

coz i thoght the consummating wld be the marriage,not the nearing of the impending marriage!

if u say that the proposal was too sweet on that fateful day,as u cried looking at the ring, and u rocking him all nite long in bed after that and that it was inevitable that it was going down. on that fateful day……….

I understand :lol: :lol:

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:06 pm

High Five = HI + V = HIV

:|

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
3:07 pm

@Main

Me too…no big deal…especially when REAL LIFE is going on.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:07 pm

I’ve noticed that all the women I know that haven’t had sex for a while are EXTRA.. Like they go off the deep end very quickly :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

M. (pronounded M dot)

September 16th, 2009
3:07 pm

@mytw♥cents

Im with you. He said it was because of her religion but like I said earlier, shouldn’t it be all or nothing? He said that he may have been slipping when he agreed to this at first so maybe it’s not all that grreeatt…

I just texted him now and asked why is she doing some things and not others…

He said she has that “good girl syndrome in her head” and if he get’s a sidechick then what’s the point of a relationship?

I guess by GGS (good girl syndrome) they feel like they are above everyone else if they are not doing certain things?

So is this more about self perception issues and how others view her?

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:07 pm

:shock: I call that bad blood

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
3:08 pm

High Five = HI V(roman numeral)

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:09 pm

M(DOT)- Do ANY of your friend’s have regular relationships?? :lol: :lol: :lol:

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
3:10 pm

@Lioness

Nope this is a different couple. This couple is black and she is a lawyer. The others were indian and she was an OBGYN.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:12 pm

that thing hit me like a ton of bricks

WOW,he had a shambock like that?

:lol: :lol:

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:12 pm

I always hear that women can go longer without sex than men, but that sort of flipflops some in the 40’s.

RandyT – I’m 31 so I’ll take your word for it then.

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
3:12 pm

@Lioness

For the most part but they are human like everyone else. :) :) :)

Dan

September 16th, 2009
3:13 pm

2 years??!

My heart hurts…..

@Tazzee

Congrats again m’lady!!!

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:16 pm

M’…celebrant of her 5th decade!!!! Me too…no big deal…especially when REAL LIFE is going on.

Say it girl….

Lioness I’ve noticed that all the women I know that haven’t had sex for a while are EXTRA.. Like they go off the deep end very quickly<—— you're funny.

It wasn't easy at first but yeah, 5 years. At that time my daughter was a tot and my rationale was more of the mindset to raise her free of drama, free of uncles (i.e.Tom, Dick, Peter, Paul, John) all hanging in and over her head and paraded around her. Next, I was transitioning from a flying by the seat of my pants kind of girl to learning responsibility and what it meant to be a woman and a mother. So, I put all my efforts and energy into doing just that. I soon found myself okay with that set up and after a couple of years (not initially), just didn't miss having relationships nor the phyical. I met folks but nothing really struck my fancy until…….

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:17 pm

M(DOT)- Do ANY of your friend’s have regular relationships??

:lol:

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:17 pm

@Kym, yes, I love, love Reba.

Women can hold out longer because we don’t let the physical part overrule the emotional part. Most need both. And, although it’s easy for quite a few of us to get dyck, a lot of us are looking for something more substantial making it easy to ignore the percolating taking place in our undergarments! :wink:

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:18 pm

Hey Yall!

Ok tell me if this is normal… been dating a guy for 8 months… we had done the deed 3 times… all three times were awful for either me or him. Now he is saying that he wants to wait to do the deed. Now we live together and sleep with each other every night but we do everything but the deed and now I am getting bored. What should I do in this situation? Should I move on and find someone else? I have brought it up to him and either he gets mad and calls me a nympho or he ask me to respect his belief that the next time he does the deed he wants it to be special. I am in my late 20’s and he is in his early 30’s and use to be a man ho back in the day? I am getting frustrated because we are supposed to be committed …. You just get tired of looking at a wee wee all the time….

Lord Velonese (I can because I can)

September 16th, 2009
3:18 pm

“Men, what seals the deal for you when you feel like you’ve met Ms. Right?”

Two lawyers, the woman will have to be; a clever liar; have allot of luck, and god on there side. Even then it’s close to nil of a chance. I can’t help but resent women.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:20 pm

3rd- Living with each other after 8 months??

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
3:20 pm

whats not normal is moving in with someone you aint never had a good sexual encounter with. That is about as abnormal as I have heard.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:20 pm

Blog machine, here’s some bbq chicken…let go of my post, please!!

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:20 pm

MeloWOW,he had a shambock like that?

No, silly, hit like a ton of bricks by the whole of it…relationship, love, sex…being back in the game I should say.

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:20 pm

Yes, we have known each other for a decade as friends…

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:22 pm

It’s holding my post as well…..ugh

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
3:22 pm

Living with each other after 8 months??

Took the words right out of mouth…

How is the connection outside of the bedroom???

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:22 pm

Lord- So is it safe to assume that you are NOT having sex since you resent women?

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
3:22 pm

@AmazonRed™ & Lioness

Does anyone have regular relationships? This aren’t super strange problems are they?

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
3:23 pm

ThirdWheel – You have a roommate – who is sleeping with someone else.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:24 pm

whats not normal is moving in with someone you aint never had a good sexual encounter with. That is about as abnormal as I have heard.

You ain’t never lied. All I can remember is living together, not married, no kids and sex sex sex sex and more sex….can’t imagine being in the same bed/living quarters with bad sex…that is a serious uh uh

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:24 pm

Ms. Main , i know,i know…it must have been a helluva feeling,like it awlays is,after that goood good!

:lol:

M'...celebrant of her 5th decade!!!!

September 16th, 2009
3:24 pm

well blog peeps…me is heading out for the day…hope y’all be safe in these mean ATL streets…nuts out there…and they ain’t in the can…peace out

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:24 pm

3rd- You just get tired of looking at a wee wee all the time<– This confused me.. Please explain

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:25 pm

Ok is 8 months too soon to live with someone? Outside of the bedroom is great! The foreplay is great I am just ready for more..

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:26 pm

@ThirdWheel, it’s not you..it’s him. He calls you a nympho and you’re not even doing it on a regular basis. He plum tuckered himself out when he was a man-ho. But, you say he’s only in his 30’s. Could he be healing from something and laying off the sex until all the meds are in his system doing what they need to do??? And, why are you looking at it.

Well, you answered one part of WD’s question. Can you marry/live together when sex is mediocre or bad. You’re frustrated so the answer is a whomping NOPE!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:26 pm

M. – I was just laughing at the way Lioness said it.

Of course the relationship stories with quirks to them will be better stories then someone’s relationship that appear routine.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
3:26 pm

If all 3 x’s were aful.. Do you really want to do it again??

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:26 pm

@Kym, yes, I love, love Reba.

Women can hold out longer because we don’t let the physical part overrule the emotional part. Most need both. And, although it’s easy for quite a few of us to get dy@ck, a lot of us is looking for something more substantial making it easy to ignore the percolating taking place in our undergarments! :wink:

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:27 pm

M(DOT)- Sh!t, you have come on here 2 days this week talking about 2 friends with issues in their relationships.. If these dudes are close to you, I understand why you don’t want to date a SOUL.. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:28 pm

Dern, I had to spell the word like that just to get it to post. That was my 4th try! Or, is the blog machine full of sticky bbq chicken and just burped my post out.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:28 pm

You just get tired of looking at a wee wee all the time

Thirdwheel
cmeone chic..a flat and all clumsy wee wee aint that sumptous to look at…..

Does he masturbate in ur presence..that wld be more fun for ur eyes and wetness 4 ur nana??

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:28 pm

I don’t think he is sleeping with someone else because we are together all of the time. He is very overwight and I didn’t know if that could be a factor… Ms. Main that is what I thought our relationship would be but I guess I was wrong… Lioness what I mean is sometimes you get tired of just giving treats to the wee wee if you know what I mean…

Jamoca

September 16th, 2009
3:29 pm

no woman can do that as long as they have had it good be4…

Actually, with this right here ^^^ it was quite the opposite for me a few years ago. I had had it tooo good, on both ends, before things went south. So stubborn to the thought of anyone else getting the very “core” of who I was (again)…emotionally, mentally, spiritually, intellectually and OF COURSE sexually.

I can and have already stated before: I was on that “if I can’t have it how I want it, when I want it and with whom I want it…I’oun wont (read:want) it at all…from nobody. Took seven years to get out of that state of mind, while in the interim I allowed myself to think things over about the relationship while experiencing a few relapses in between, until that defining moment…

Since then its been since the very end of 07. My reason isn’t celibacy, self reflection, yada, yada, yada…heyal, I’ve had plenty of time to think, plenty of time to ponder and all that. Simply not involved with anyone. Period. And if there is not any serious involvement, I cain’t get down. Simply. As. That. So look here, when I feel like being bothered with it all, I’ll get back out there. But until then, I have plenty to occupy my mind and my time. It’s not that difficult for some folk.

Why this is so hard to fathom, I haven’t the slighest clue.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
3:29 pm

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:29 pm

3rd- Well if all is well, stick to the foreplay like M(DOT)’s homie’s girl.. They have been foreplaying it UP for 2 years!!

What would you do with him if you decide to move on? Change the locks??

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:32 pm

I’d responded to Lioness and your funny statement of —->I’ve noticed that all the women I know that haven’t had sex for a while are EXTRA.. Like they go off the deep end very quickly

That was funny but nevermind, the blog monster ate it.

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:32 pm

I refuse to do foreplay for 2 years.. I would go back to being single…if I decide to move on he will be kicked out or I will move out..

M. (pronounced M dot)

September 16th, 2009
3:33 pm

@AmazonRed™ & Lioness

That was funny and yeah it does make you kinda want to sit on the sideline for a while but as someone said yesterday…its bound to be problems…I guess its just a matter of how much..

Also I have a good diverse group of friends so everyone’s experiences and dynamics will always be different…

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
3:35 pm

Ixnay on the very overweight dudes.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:35 pm

Main- Darn it :lol: :lol: :lol:

3rd- He is overweight.. Oh ok.. Maybe he wants to wait until he loses some weight so he could keep up with you. Ask him for the real reason..
Obviously, you two love each other, find out what the real reason is before you leave him.

GIRL, I understand the lack of sex nonsense!! Makes you want to tear his eyeballs OUT :evil:

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:36 pm

it must have been a helluva feeling,like it awlays is,after that goood good!

Whew! Say it again. And the good part really? Love is always chance. To roll up on a winner is the sweet of it all.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:36 pm

Blog machine, here’s some bbq chicken…

LMAO @ Leggs! :lol:

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
3:36 pm

Ok, he has weight issues. That’s says a lot. Can he penetrate easily without his belly getting in the way? Is he out of breath trying to enter that he’s resorted to foreplay to get the two of you off?

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:38 pm

Thirdwheel

I guess u came to the right place for some answers….

he overweight and got issues..wont do it and cant do it welll so forget him..hope u not overweight urself,right…

Do u urself, need service as of right now??

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:39 pm

Third Wheel</strong? Ms. Main that is what I thought our relationship would be but I guess I was wrong

Well, how was it before deciding to cohabitate or did I miss something and ya'll didn't…before moving in together?

Heck, we was all over the place…car, his home, my home, park, dinner, movies…so to make it better, easier and more accessible, we ended up living together and just had at it.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:39 pm

He is very overwight

Aw…hecky naw. Best of luck to you! :lol:

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:39 pm

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:40 pm

Slip some viagra in his food..

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:43 pm

Alright now…2nd post eaten.

ThirdWheelMs. Main that is what I thought our relationship would be but I guess I was wrong

I was asking if I missed something or if you guys moved in, sex being subsequent? If the deed was done prior to moving in together, was it not on the same scale of ikky?

Dan

September 16th, 2009
3:43 pm

I was waiting on Melo to take it there..(20 minutes and 4 posts, that’s a new record)!!

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
3:44 pm

and sex sex sex sex and more sex….can’t imagine being in the same bed/living quarters with bad sex

Good sex only an arm reach away. Yall better ask somebody.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
3:45 pm

was it not on the same scale of ikky?

LMBO

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:45 pm

Do u urself, need service as of right now??

Man you’re predictable and funny…lol

Melo

September 16th, 2009
3:46 pm

I was waiting on Melo

i guess that explains ur singlehood..waiting on other dudes to warm it up for u…..

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
3:47 pm

If he is very overweight then why not just put some bbq sauce on your honey pot and lure him with promises of grilled meats and sauces with butter?

Nah seriously, why you move in after three bad sex attempts? Was it for financial reasons? Did you think it would improve? Are you a closet masochist?

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:49 pm

i guess that explains ur singlehood..waiting on other dudes to warm it up for u…..

See…. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
3:49 pm

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:49 pm

You have a roommate – who is sleeping with someone else…

Gotta agree here. No matter the physical condition, a man will get theirs…I could be wrong but that’s how I’ve come to perceive men as it relates to their physical needs. Even if it’s a one man show, he’s getting it.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

September 16th, 2009
3:50 pm

If he is overweight, he might have early diabetes which can cause erectile dysfunction. If you dont get answers then the sex will unlikely improve.

Is it strictly “cant get/keep it up” or is it lousy foreplay, not finding the lady’s “hot spots” due to inexperience…what makes the sex “bad”?

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:51 pm

Ok, he has weight issues. That’s says a lot. Can he penetrate easily without his belly getting in the way? Is he out of breath trying to enter that he’s resorted to foreplay to get the two of you off?

No he can not…Yes out of breath and sweating and I can not ride to town either…

Melo I am not grossley overweight but I could stand to lose some more pounds…

Ms. Main our sex life is the same as it was when we were not living together. I just thought it would get better since we were under the same roof…

Wise Diva

September 16th, 2009
3:54 pm

Just when I think I know some of your perspectives about sex and romance, someone always seems to throw me for a loop. LOL Hilarious

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
3:54 pm

To answer the Original thread. My deal sealer was pretty much all of what my wife had to offer. She aint shy about sexing, she cook like someones big momma, she is almost as smart as I am, she is competitive as I am (this is the only way we could verify her being almost as smart as me) all those things combined and my experiences before I met her just let me know it wouldnt get any better. Please believe if she was a prude sexually then things may be different, so sex is important, but its not the only thing.

Wise Diva

September 16th, 2009
3:54 pm

If he is very overweight then why not just put some bbq sauce on your honey pot and lure him with promises of grilled meats and sauces with butter? <— go sit in the corner! *smh*

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
3:55 pm

If he is very overweight then why not just put some bbq sauce on your honey pot and lure him with promises of grilled meats and sauces with butter?

I’m SOOOO done! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
3:56 pm

Is it strictly “cant get/keep it up” or is it lousy foreplay, not finding the lady’s “hot spots” due to inexperience…what makes the sex “bad”?

It’s none of that! Something bad always happens everytime we attempted to do the deed. He likes for me to ride and I can’t is what it boils down to I suppose.

Ms. M.B

September 16th, 2009
3:56 pm

AMEN@—>But when there is no connection other than sex they aren’t willing to take those kinds of chances with you. Handle the rest and the sex will take care of itself.

DW, you need to teach classes.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:56 pm

Ms. Main our sex life is the same as it was when we were not living together. I just thought it would get better since we were under the same roof…

Girl, I ain’t tryna knock you but heck no! Wee wees don’t turn to shambocks (thanks Melo) at the happening of moving in together. If you’re going to stay I’d say work with him on his weight and get creative. His manhood though is what it is.

Jamoca

September 16th, 2009
3:58 pm

ThirdWheel – No one here can really tell nor advise you on what you should do, (although you did ask). However, if it’s that important to you (which is understandable), and since you have already expressed your concerns with him and dude doesn’t even want to meet you halfway because he’s self conscious about the dyck-do, you may want to explore other options already. In a situation like the one you’ve just painted makes one wonder what you’re really waiting for?

As for just laying in the same bed and doing nothing but looking over at it, I’d say it’s like putting a recovering “geeka”, “bassuh” etc in a room full of powder and expecting them NOT to take at least one hit…nor have the desire to.

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
3:59 pm

He likes for you to ride? With all that belly in the way? Seriously?

Sounds like he is not in touch with reality.

Dan

September 16th, 2009
3:59 pm

@Melo

You are funny dude. Hilarious

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
3:59 pm

ThirdWheel I can’t is what it boils down to I suppose.

You’re phsically inhibited because of the weight?

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:02 pm

Thirdwheel..and u hw old??

now gettng outa breadth when the nana is teeming with full lips and wet is some angst raiser fo sure..i dont wish that on anybody including urself.

Like Lioness said, u bound to get off the cliff pretty soon if u aint getting it the way u like….

Look lady,u aint marrried to him..i suggest u dip and get some on the side…

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
4:04 pm

HA HA SexyCool!

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
4:08 pm

Dan – thanks! Wait, are you congratulating me for getting engaged or getting ’some’ LOL.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:09 pm

Thirdwheel

If im not mistaken,u an old blogger on here,right.,ive seen ur name a cpple of times in the past..

How do u put up with shyytt service like that when u belong to this exclusive club??
I wld assume any chic that gets on here has the best advice,for free…otherwise WD’s service aint hitting home!

whats up with that??

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:11 pm

3rd wheel – Are you really in love with this guy? How old are you guys? Life is too short, honey.

Be honest with yourself & him. Do you really think if this guy loses weight things will get better? Is he even trying to lose weight? If he’s not, he does not care about you. He would rather wallow in his misery. Don’t let him lay a guilt trip on you.

Your happiness is important. Why did you move in with him? Are you afraid you are not going to meet anyone else?

I just don’t know. This does not sound good at all. Rather depressing, actually.

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
4:12 pm

Danggit I am busy today and just scanning but if I am reading correctly, 3rd Wheel moved in with this guy being who and how he is but now has a problem with it?

Exactly what did you think was going to change about him?

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:14 pm

You ain’t married…..do the needful

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:14 pm

wld assume any chic that gets on here has the best advice,for free…

Melo – You may have a point! At least we get folks to THINK!

You are right, I forgot about 3rd Wheel! It’s been awhile, what’s up Lady?! Girl, don’t settle for that mess. Even if you could stand to lose a pound or two, plenty nice guys love the larger ladies!

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
4:20 pm

@aggwitty ~ “Nah seriously, why you move in after three bad sex attempts? Was it for financial reasons? Did you think it would improve? Are you a closet masochist?” Thanks for asking these questions.

@3Wheel, damn it girl. If he’s heaving and hoing just by trying to put it in then he needs to enroll in a gym pronto or sign up for “Biggest Loser” That is crazy to me. Are you helping him in the weight department or are you enabling him.

Now, with all that belly, all your slurpling and sucking may find you suffocating if you’re not careful. Do some exercise, the both of you. Hell, I’m finally gaining weight and I’m exercising before it gets out of hand…START NOW 3Wheel!

I just thought it would get better since we were under the same roof… Just reading this I heard so many men in my ear yelling “WTF you think that for. Just the opposite happens.” (LOL).

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:20 pm

This thing needs repairing

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
4:21 pm

I am in my late 20’s, Yes, I am a past blogger :) , The weight does get in the way and yes, I really do love him which makes it hard for me to leave him. Maybe I am afraid that I won’t meet anyone else that will make me happy but I always thought there were more to a relationship… I have been told that sex is not the most important factor in a realtionship.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
4:22 pm

She’s in her 20’s and he’s in his 30’s. Girl, you not in love…no where near it!

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2009
4:23 pm

Maybe I am afraid that I won’t meet anyone else that will make me happy

:???: What’s wrong with you then?

Raqi...Sealed.

September 16th, 2009
4:24 pm

Do some Sexercise that way you both benefit health wise and other.

Wise Diva

September 16th, 2009
4:25 pm

what are your issues with the blog machine, and spell it out for me so I can tell if it is user related LOL Just kidding, I can report to our webmaster if it’s legit.

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
4:25 pm

“this thing needs repairing”

was that for the blog or was that for Third Wheels dude? in either case, its correct, seemingly. hahhahahaha

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:26 pm

Thirwheel Your 4:21…seriously? Am I reading you right? Yes, I remember you too. What does meeting someone have to do with getting out of a bad situation? Staying will definitely hinder you from moving on. Go back and read the days where folks are siging and cosigning what to do when transitioning from a relationship. What’s wrong with me time, down time, self time as an effort to pull it together? Why are you afraid? Whether you meet someone or no, you still have to be you, do you, be happy. Another person is good if a good half but another person does not you make.

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
4:27 pm

Diva- This thing post what it wants to post.. It has its favorites on here.. :evil:

agg- :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
4:27 pm

She’s in her 20’s and he’s in his 30’s. Girl, you not in love…no where near it!

Why is that Leggs???
Is there a certain age limit on when you can become “officially” in love?? (just curious)

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
4:27 pm

@3Wheel, think about it, you’re in your 20’s. You still a young tenderoni (do they still say things like that). Can you truly stay in a relationship like this for the next 10, 20, 30 or 40 years. You two need to honestly talk to one another. If things don’t change, think about it, the both of you are going to get bigger, then what???

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:28 pm

I have been told that sex is not the most important factor in a realtionship.

well,there u are..huffing and puffing,so u know it aint true! :lol: :lol:

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
4:28 pm

Main- I think she is big but not as big as her dude and is not sure if anyone else is going to feel the same about her as he does..

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
4:28 pm

I am trying to get him to diet but he loves to eat too much.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:28 pm

was that for the blog or was that for Third Wheels dude? in either case, its correct, seemingly

lol…both I would venture to say

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
4:29 pm

“Maybe I am afraid that I won’t meet anyone else that will make me happy.”

It doesn’t sound like dude is making you happy. So, what do you have to lose?

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
4:30 pm

I am trying to get him to diet but he loves to eat too much.

I’m trying to take this statement seriously! (am i allowed to laugh)

On a seious note: Its nothing wrong with eating..it’s what he’s eating.

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:31 pm

I have been told that WOW is not the most important factor in a realtionship.

You have to watch the so-called advice some people give you. It’s pretty important, because if it were not you would not have showed up on the blog after all this time talking about this very issue. The people who told you it was not important probably are pushing you up to staying with dude because they don’t have confidence in you to think that you deserve better! Maybe things are not in order in THEIR houses!

It’s great that you love him – now start loving YOU! Have an honest discussion with him about your frustrations. Be loving and tactful, but FIRM. If both of you are not working on the weight, work on it together. Get serious! You are too young – you two should be wowing like rabbits! It’s a matter of health too.

There was an AA couple on the Biggest Loser. Dude was especially big. They both look HOT now and Essence.com has their wedding pictures!

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
4:31 pm

3rd- I am trying to get him to diet but he loves to eat too much.<– WTF?? How much do you think he weighs? 3 hunned??

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
4:31 pm

Right Lioness!!

Thirdwheel

September 16th, 2009
4:32 pm

Enter your comments here

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:32 pm

Lioness Main- I think she is big but not as big as her dude and is not sure if anyone else is going to feel the same about her as he does..

I’m there with you on that. I was asking though as thought provoking. I would suggest in a nice way for us to work out together but I would take it on as a duty. If he can’t be motivated and work towards an us, the physical inclusive, I dang sure wouldn’t let it bring me down.

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:33 pm

Thirwheel

if u really love him like u say,suggets to him that u both hit the road or gymn to get ur waights down..

cook right,no mickydee or any junk poison from those places

if he luvs u too,then he shld oblige and hopefully,u 2 can lose some pounds and in the process increase and improve it.

If he refuses,do it for urself ,alone but understand one thing,hes go be jealous and insecure coz lost weight makes u more tantalising :lol:

Then bolt :arrow: I got a third leg myself so lemme know :lol: :lol:

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:33 pm

“I wouldn’t take it on…..” is what I meant.

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
4:34 pm

@Dream_n, I say she’s not in love because she seems so sad over this important issue and asking if she should leave. No talk about changing eating habits, exercise or anything, just plain asked if she should leave. A few posts later, she says she really is in love, so I retract my statement. No, there’s no age limit when one is “officially” in love. However, simple parameters to let you know you’re in love is when you really, really want to work with someone and the issue at hand and not wonder should you leave because this isn’t working. True, 3Wheel, you don’t need to come on here telling all your business. I was just working with only having had sex 3x and your tired wondering if you should leave.

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
4:35 pm

yo for real i think another important part to this equation has not been touched on. She said “it was bad sex for them BOTH” so the problem isnt just with him but with her also.

3rd what was his prollem with the wack sex yall having?

SexyCool - Joy like a river flows.

September 16th, 2009
4:35 pm

ThirdWheel – My suggestion – try to get him to move FIRST. Maybe you guys can go for walks after dinner or go bowling once a week or even go to putt-putt.

Perhaps if you start with being more physical, other changes would come.

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:36 pm

ThirdWheel….I lost 23 lbs 2 years ago, motivated by the person dating…I’ve kept it off and feel good about it. I wasn’t inspired at first but he nudged me a bit. Now? Shoot, I’m walking at the slightest gain. You can work together but do it for you. I pretty much have maintained about 20 lbs off but it’s about me and how I feel about myself.

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
4:36 pm

maybe it’s me, but I always thought Thirdwheel’s dilemmas were made up for blog fodder. They just seem to be so ‘out there’ – that’s why I never comment.

Thirdwheel – your statement about finding someone else to make you happy made me want to comment this time. Like Leggs said, you’re still a tender – you’ve got plenty of time to find the one for you. In the interim, concentrate on you making you happy because if you’re depending on dude to make you happy then you’re going to be disappointed and make him miserable at the same time.

Dream_n

September 16th, 2009
4:38 pm

@ Leggs : clarification *noted* :)

I agree– If you truly love tis gu and he makes you happy in everyother aspect of your life, then you should at least attept to work on it… Try suggestings some ideas that others have told you today…and go from there. Ultimately it’s your decision to be happy or not :)

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:40 pm

If he refuses,do it for urself ,alone but understand one thing,hes go be jealous and insecure coz lost weight makes u more tantalising

LOL Melo!

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:45 pm

Kimmie,sisters are doing it for themselves, i dont understand why she has to be tied down by a dude who luvs his plate,FULL

Ms. Main

September 16th, 2009
4:48 pm

Enter your comments here

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:48 pm

Melo – You right, he needs to decide – full plate or empty bed!LOL!!

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
4:49 pm

DAMN!! If Taz never comments about 3rd’s issues then it MUST be the bullish of all sh!ts!!

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
4:50 pm

Kimmie- full plate or empty bed<– I bet a a hunned that he will choose that plate over that bed!!

kimmie-livin my life like it's golden!

September 16th, 2009
4:51 pm

Lioness – LOL!!

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
4:54 pm

I Believe…(dedicated to 3Wheel)
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. Namely, gym trainers! Work on betting eating and exercise. That belly will go down before you know it and you’re be praising the O’ goddess at the top of your lungs.

Oh my!

Melo

September 16th, 2009
4:57 pm

O’ goddess

raising ur right open palmed hand and tilting it left and right,Leggs,like u in cherch! :lol:

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
4:58 pm

Lioness – :lol: there’s quite a bit on here where I don’t comment :lol:

I think it’s because when she first came on, she was quite the jokester so I thought some of the situations were jokes because they seemed so ‘out there’.

Kinda like some of the ’situations’ SlimOne has put out there before.

Hey SlimOne (if you’re lurking)

Tazzee

September 16th, 2009
4:59 pm

My fiance’ and I need to lose weight. One day while watching Purple Rain, he started singing ‘I will die for you.’ I asked him ‘but will you live for me?’

He’s been going to the gym more and eating more veggies ever since ;-)

Lioness

September 16th, 2009
5:01 pm

Taz- Awwww!!! I like that one!! I Luv your gangsta almost as much as Dan does ;)

Leggs

September 16th, 2009
5:02 pm

Watch The Biggest Loser and that should motivate you!

Nite.

Wise Diva

September 16th, 2009
5:05 pm

I love my Tazzeemae.

aggwitty

September 16th, 2009
5:06 pm

care for me care for me, you said you cared for me die for me die for me you said you die for me, live for me live for me why wont you live for me.

L boogie, i miss that broad